Chapter Text
Several memories rush through my mind as I begin to panic.
Maroon Colinzdaum cloaks rushing towards me on the night of my Starbinding. Instant death poison being air dropped over the harbor of Alexandria. Silver needles firing towards Ferdinand and I in the sky. A Ternisbefallen lunging towards me with its mouth wide open. The claustrophobic feeling while being rattled around in a sack. A giant Goltze paw swung towards me like a giant fly swatter. The life in Tuuli’s eyes fading as I’m being carried away by a devouring soldier. Those and so many more memories of the instant before I died flashes through my mind.
Snapping me back to reality I hear Ferdinand scoff. “Veronica must be getting very desperate if she has to hire commoner children in order to get to me”.
I vehemently shake my head to deny it. “No, you’re not listening to me!” I tried to yell before getting tied up with bands of light and falling to the floor.
“No. I understand alright. A child I have never seen before rushes into the temple, straight into the noble district no less. Its as if you already knew the layout, and you try to assault me? Do you have a knife under those rags of yours? Or did they already douse you in poison and hurry you here before you succumb to it yourself?” Ferdinand replied with ridicule.
Tears started to form in my eyes as I began to overheat. “No it’s not like that, I just really need your help and I couldn’t -”
Walking closer to me, Ferdinand stares down at me with disgust in his eyes. “Help? Why do you think I would help a strange commoner? If you know me as well as you say, you’d know that I’d never fall for such a simple plot-”
“Quinta!”
His eyes went wide for a split second before I heard a near inaudible whisper and felt a sharp pain searing into my stomach. I look down and see his sword piercing through my stomach, already glowing with mana. I could only muster with a small voice “Why?”
“I already told the gods to leave me alone, and I would kill anyone who tried to take me back. At least they did me a favor in sending a pre-baptismal child. I won't have to worry about discarding your medal.” He said before removing his sword and stood above my nearly lifeless body.
“N-no...” I tried to scream out, yet it came out as a weak wheeze. I think my lungs had already collapsed as I couldn't manage to get a breath in.
“Tell that tree if the gods really wants me to be Zent, they will have to try harder than this.” Then in an instant he thrusts his blade towards my chest. I tried to reach out my hand in a vain attempt to protect myself.
Another moment later I feel my head pound in pain, followed by the scenery changing to a dirty wooden ceiling with a spider web in the corner. There was an itchy comforter over-top of me, straw poking into my back, and the familiar sensation of fleas crawling over my body.
I was back home, back in my small southern downtown apartment.
“No no no no nooooooo...” I began to cry and could feel the heat of my fever growing with each tear fallen. Why does this keep happening? The feeling of fear and loneliness spreads throughout my body as I try to take in everything that has just happened.
“Myne, are you okay?”
I hadn’t even noticed that Mom had come into the room as I was overwhelmed with emotions, but seeing her reminded me that I couldn’t lose control here or it could harm the rest of my family. Picture the box, fold the mana, press it neatly into the box, then flatten it to remove all the gaps. “Ha-a...” I sigh out, realizing that I can take a full breath. I take a few more before I fully center myself and call out. “Mom”.
“Are you okay? You were crying a lot and it seems like you still have a headache.” She said while resting the back of her palm on my forehead.
Pulling the blanket up to my chin, I replied. “...My head still hurts, and I want to sleep, but could you tell me a story while I close my eyes?”
Kissing me on the nose, mom snuggled into the bed beside me. “Okay dear, once upon a time there was a group of star children...”
I tried to listen to as much as I could, but my emotions were drained and I fell asleep quite quickly.
The next day while Mom and Tuuli were in the kitchen, I was laying in bed resting. I needed to get my thoughts together to figure out what I should do. Ever since the night before my Starbind Ceremony, I have been going back in time every time I die.
The first time I died was due to Sigiswald and his defectors who still held strong to the beliefs of the Royal Family-that they were the rightful rulers of Yurgenschmidt. They attacked during the morning planning of my Starbind Ceremony, when our attendants and knights were spread thin still preparing. They must have found a cache of Instant Death Poison leftover from the Lanzenave invasion, as my memory of the attack was cut after a split second of seeing feystones drop to the ground. The next second I was preparing with Ferdinand in the castle of Alexandria, nearly a year prior. I spoke with Ferdinand, while explaining what I had seen and experienced, thinking it was a vision of the future. If only it were that simple.
After I explained all my memories, I was able to prove to Ferdinand that what I had experienced was some sort of future by predicting the events of the following few days. Once Ferdinand was exhausted enough to believe me, we set out to stop Sigiswald plans. At least we tried to.
It seems that we were already being watched at that point, so us diverting from our plans must have provoked their recon team. On a cloudy afternoon when I was taking a break disguised with Tuuli and Lutz infiltrating downtown, I saw the cloud of poison descend in the sky trailing behind a series of Maroon colored cloak. I tried to cast the Aub's protection spell 'Forkovsen', but fell to my knees before I could even get the second syllable out of my mouth.
The next instant I was at the Royal Academy Library, apparently still in my final year of school. In my panic I looked over my shoulder to see my retainers looking back at me quizzically. I tried to play it off, saying that I was starting to feel a little sick while letting my mana out of the proverbial box a bit to force a high temperature, and I was escorted back to the Alexandria dorm. Once tucked in I started pouring over all of my ideas, both from here and in my Urano times. There was once a book I read that was also made into a Hollywood movie similar to this. It seems that any changes I make from my previous life course can cause a buttery effect of cascading changes that may lead to a completely different outcome in life.
I left my bed and said I was going into my hidden room for a bell. Once inside I summoned my Grutrissheit and made a transfer circle to the Garden of Beginning and after my vision went hazy, I came face to face with that familiar white pearlescent tree. A few moments later it slowly started to morph into a humanoid appearance.
Once finished the former God Erwaermen walked towards me. “Myne? What brings you to my garden today?”
After speaking with the former god and explaining the two previous deaths, he summoned Dregarnuhr down.
A shower of yellow blessings fell, then shortly after the Goddess of Time Dregarnuhr started to materialize beside the former god. Speaking with a harsh tone, the goddess answered. “Myne, without you and Quinta alive working towards the betterment of Yurgenschmidt, the foundation will run dry and the garden will revert to sand.”
Kneeling under the godly aura, I answer back. “Okay, I guess that makes sense, but unfortunately Ferdinand won’t let me give back his name until we had our Starbinding, and I never lived to that age so he died with me both times... I guess I just have to give it back now in case anything else happens?”
“I would like to believe it is that easy, but Quinta shares many similarities with Ewigeliebe. You might be able to convince him, being his Geduldh, but he views it as protecting you from himself.” The goddess replied with a giggle.
What she said made me ponder for a second, but I shook that thought out of my head and continued. “But why do I get sent back an entire year when I die?” This was the big question I had, as rewinding a full year is a huge hassle.
Gesturing with her hands, blessings form to show a depiction of her weaving. “Unfortunately Myne, when I have to unravel the current weave, I need to undo an entire row of thread, which would equate to one full seasonal rotation on the mortal plane.”
“So every time I die, I just have to relive a year? I suppose that isn’t so bad, it’s like loading a game from a (checkpoint), right?” Not that I ever played many games, but I would hang out reading with Shuu while he played whatever video game system that was popular at the time.
Shaking her head, the goddess changed the appearance of the blessings. “Not exactly. Each time I unravel the weave, the fine thread starts to get damaged. Wrinkles and folds are left in the thread, and bits of fabric start to fray. Because of this I can only return you to a specific time once, and if I needed to reweave again, I would have to take you back to a point prior to that one.”
“What!?! So even if I live up to my Starbinding again and die, I’ll be sent back another year from now?”
“That would be the correct interpretation...”
Laying in bed, I think back to all the plans that were made with Ferdinand and my aides. Each time we tried to change the flow of events and make a step forward, unexpected results would take us two or three steps backwards. It seems I could never live to my Starbind Ceremony again. Once time went back far enough I was no longer Aub Alexandria and Ferdinand was still trapped, essentially hostage in Ahrensbach. I rushed over in an attempt to save him only to be labeled an invader and executed.
After that I couldn’t live past the Ternisbefallen attack. Our failed attempt at subduing it ended up killing 16 Ehrenfest students, including Cornelius, Judithe and Leonore. I couldn’t live with my own failure in that future and let my mana run away on its own. Knowing the feeling and pain I would suffer, taking my own life became frighteningly easier from there onward.
I no longer cared for my own safety if it meant that those close to me got hurt and suffered. My next 'kamikaze' was when I failed to save Charlotte from winter kidnappers. I started to become more reserved and paranoid at every turn, afraid any misstep would take another precious year away from me. No matter how hard I tried to be safe, something unexpected would cut my life short or harm those closest to me.
“I can’t do this anymore Ferdinand…” I whined out to the empty bedroom. Seeing the person I respected the most, the person who taught me how to live in this world, the person who I love more than books… Seeing his eyes fill with disgust and hatred towards me, and the phantom pain I feel when holding my chest where I was impaled. It's as if a crack has formed across my vessel, and no matter how hard I push my mana down, it leaks back out somehow. I have to calm down, or else I will run away again… but I’m back where I started. What happens if I die again? Will it be fine since the previous Myne has no memories of these events, and she should follow the same path? Or will the butterfly effect change my future? What if I never awoke as Myne? What if the young Myne let her mana run away before I surface? Am I on my last life?!
It was then and there that I made a vow to myself. "I will save this world while leaving Ferdinand and everyone I care about out of this mess." Nobles are dangerous and scary, and I can’t keep putting my family and friends in danger with my mission from the gods. If I am going to do this, I will do it myself with my spartan level education from Ferdinand, my knowledge of future events, and my vast knowledge of random facts from my Urano era. I will save everyone!