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Nina Zenik loved everything about love. That had never been any kind of secret. She loved the giddy thrill and tease of flirting, the heady rush of kissing, the push and pull of want, the warmth of the afterglow. But more than that, she also loved watching other people fall in love.
Particularly if those other people were her friends.
Jesper and Wylan, for example, made her want to grin and hug them both tight whenever they were in the same room. She loved hearing the way Wylan's heart always gave an instinctive skip when Jesper entered the room, and she loved watching how Jesper's entire demeanour softened when Wylan smiled at him. She loved how they always gravitated to each other, and Wylan's inevitable blush, Jesper's inevitable smirk.
Every interaction they had radiated love and adoration, and it never failed to brighten Nina's day.
Kaz and Inej, though, were something else. One day, she would be on the edge of her seat, sure something was finally about to happen - and then, nothing.
She was convinced that they had to know they loved each other. Surely they had to? It was just… it was so obvious! She didn't even have to be a Heartrender to see the way Kaz's brooding darkness lightened instantly when Inej slipped into the room. And, alright, she did have to be a Heartrender to be able to tell that his heartrate always sped up a little when Inej slid into the seat next to his, but it was still a fact.
Considering that this was Kaz Brekker they were talking about, that was significant. Kaz had never, for all the years she had known him, shown any kind of interest in a woman. She could prance around in front of him wearing practically nothing and a provocative smile, and Kaz's heartbeat wouldn't even stutter.
Inej, though, could cause his heartrate to spike with just a smile. And when she touched him, well - as far as Nina could tell, Inej was the only person who could touch Kaz.
Not always, and never for any great length of time. But sometimes, her fingers would brush against his shoulder or gloved hands, and he wouldn't flinch.
Once, Nina had even seen his hand twitch, like he was actually considering taking off the glove. That was revolutionary.
And yet they both still insisted, with a Barrel-bred stubbornness, that there was nothing more than friendship between them. The closest Nina had ever gotten Inej to admitting anything was when her friend had said, "He's my partner, and I trust him with everything I have."
Which still wasn't good enough, in Nina's opinion, but it definitely gave her something to work with.
Inej had rolled her eyes at Nina's not-so-subtle implication, but Nina rolled her eyes right back at Inej. She wasn't the one knee deep in denial about who she loved, thank you very much.
Because Inej definitely loved Kaz just as much as he loved her. That, Nina had never doubted. The proof was in the little things - how Inej would always gravitate to Kaz's side before anyone else, how she could finish his sentences and understand exactly what he needed for his plans before anyone else could. She knew him far better than anyone else did, and, clearly, he knew her too, right down to her favourite flower.
The level of trust between them was staggering, particularly considering everything they had both been through. It was clear that they had shared everything that could be shared, and accepted each other with full awareness of their darknesses and demons.
They were each other's everything. Nina actually suspected that love wasn't a strong enough word to describe what they had.
But it was the closest word she had, and she would be damned if she let them keep denying it to themselves. Everyone called them the Barrel's King and Queen, for Saints' sake! Could it get any more obvious?
But apparently, it would have to, if the river of denial Kaz and Inej had immersed themselves in was any indication.
Very well, then. Nina would pull them out of their river, kicking and screaming if she had to.
(She was kidding about that last part.
… Mostly.)
//
Nina decided to start simple - just a little hint here and there to nudge them onto the right path. And the perfect place to start? Reunion breakfast at Wylan and Jesper's, courtesy of Marya's excellent cooking.
"It's so wonderful to be back together again," Nina said, leaning across the table to squeeze Jesper's hand.
He smiled at her, eyes crinkling with that familiar easy affection. "We miss you," he replied simply, voice warm with sincerity.
Nina couldn't hide a small snort at that. "I'm not so sure about that," she said wryly, tilting her head over at where Wylan and Marya were talking quietly in the corner. She listened, reaching out slightly with her Grisha powers, and sure enough, Jesper's heart sped up a little.
It resumed a second later, slow and steady, but everything about the beat of it suggested utter contentment. Nina arched her eyebrows.
Jesper smirked, tipping an imaginary hat at her. "You got me," he said with a grin.
"I know," she replied, throwing him a cheerful grin. "But I don't mind. You've found your person, Jes." With a sly grin at where Kaz and Inej were seated side by side, she added, "We all have."
To her surprise, neither Kaz nor Inej said anything to argue the point. Could this possibly mean…
But then Kaz shifted, his face settling into one of those enigmatic expressions he was infamous for. "Things are good," he agreed, and Nina could have sworn he snuck a small glance at Inej.
However, Kaz continued as blithely as though nothing had happened, "Business has never been better, and we're all alive and well. Considering our line of work, there's little more we can ask for."
Nina's dreams came crashing to the floor, and she glared down at her plate of waffles in silent frustration. Business. Of course Kaz Dirtyhands Brekker used business as an excuse for why he was happy.
Because it was an excuse, Nina was sure of it. Saints. She hadn't imagined that stolen glance!
Beside her, Matthias shook his head slightly and wrapped an arm over the back of her chair. "You're meddling," he said disapprovingly in Fjerdan.
"Unashamedly," she replied in the same language with an innocent flutter of her eyelashes. When Matthias rolled his eyes, she snuggled closer towards him, scooping his arm over her shoulders.
"You love it," she reminded him, noticing the way her voice had softened with affection as she spoke. She was certain that if she tracked her own heartbeat now, it would tell her the exact same things Jesper's had - deep love, utter contentment.
Still, she couldn't resist getting an additional dig in. "And unlike some people, you can actually admit it. Being happy in love isn't a crime, you know, and it really is just so much better once you stop denying -"
She was cut off, quite suddenly, by Matthias leaning over and kissing her. Her thoughts scattered like snowflakes in the breeze as she melted into him, a thrill running through her the way it always did when he kissed her first.
They were happy. Despite everything, they were truly happy now, and each time he kissed her, it felt like a confirmation of that.
She had almost lost him, but she didn't, and she was never letting go again. He wasn't either, and even though their kiss was short and mostly chaste, he promised her again in the beautifully intimate language of lips and tongues.
When he pressed his forehead against hers, tracing the curve of her cheek, Nina had to smile. Matthias made a very effective distraction, she would give him that.
But once Nina Zenik had a goal, she did not stop until she achieved it. The fact that Matthias was sitting here next to her was living proof of that.
Maybe the first step of her plan hadn't been as successful as she had hoped, but she could wait. And she could plan more.
If subtle hints weren't going to do the trick, then, well… maybe the hints would just have to be a little less subtle.
//
Absence made the heart grow fonder, right? Well, Nina certainly hoped so. The next stage of her plan depended on that.
Inej - or Captain Ghafa of the Wraith, as she was officially called these days - was due back today. And Nina insisted that the entire gang had to be there to meet her.
Matthias was the easiest to persuade, mostly because Nina could persuade him to do almost anything with a smile and a soft look. And, whether he'd admit it or not, he missed Inej, too.
Wylan and Jesper weren't much harder, and, as an added bonus, a lot more vocal in expressing their feelings. They made no secret about missing Inej, and they didn't brood about being emotionally stunted without her either.
Yes, Nina was talking about Kaz. Paradoxical man that he was, he naturally refused to go down and meet her.
But Nina wasn't letting this one go. She knew Kaz had missed Inej just as much, if not more, than the rest of them had. He might have severe problems with expressing it, but it was still true.
And if she had to threaten, only half-seriously, to stop Kaz's heart if he didn't come, then that was between him and her. The point was, Kaz was there.
(Nina thought that the fact that he let himself be threatened was proof enough that he actually wanted to be there. Either way, she had the outcome she wanted, and she wasn't going to complain.)
When Inej stepped off the gangplank of the Wraith, Jesper was the first to rush forward and wrap her in a fierce embrace. "Missed you, 'nej," she heard him mumble, the sound muffled by Inej's sea-jacket.
Inej laughed, and the sound was low and warm and full of joy. "I missed you too," she said, and she was beaming as she held onto Jesper.
Nina was hot on his heels, and none-too-gently pried Jesper off her friend. "Inej," she said warmly, pulling Inej into a tight hug of her own.
Inej's smile widened, her dark eyes sparkling with happiness. "Nina, it's so good to see you again."
Nina squeezed her tighter, holding on for a minute longer before reluctantly letting go so that Wylan and Inej could share an awkward hug. Matthias managed to look both stiff and warm as he shook Inej's hand, then clasped it tightly.
And then it was just Kaz left.
He didn't charge forward, or hug her like any of the others had. He didn't even shake her hand.
But he did smile, and for the first time since Inej's departure, his bitter-coffee eyes brightened.
Nina had read about looks that spoke a thousand words, but never before had she seen one in person. Until now. When Kaz looked at Inej, and Inej looked back, you could see the thoughts and emotions flying between them, too many to count and too intense to put into words.
They were on a crowded quay, but Nina still felt like she was intruding on an intensely private moment. She almost wanted to turn away, but at the same time, she was spellbound.
Then Inej smiled, too, taking a simple step towards Kaz. Then another, and another, until they were standing right up against each other, only the slightest sliver of space between them.
She heard Kaz's shaky inhale of breath, but he didn't flinch away. If anything, he leaned forward slightly.
Inej dipped her head, and Nina saw her smile widen. She drifted forward fractionally, too, raising her hand and settling it, feather-light, on Kaz's shoulder.
He exhaled again, and even from her distance, Nina could hear the roughness of it. He looked up at Inej, and his eyes were filled with that burning intensity again, that powerful roil of emotions that said so much more than words ever could.
Inej looked like she couldn't tear her gaze away, and she took a quick, steadying breath before speaking. Nina strained forward, sure she was going to hear the fateful words, but -
"It's good to see you," Inej said softly.
They were the exact same words she had said to Nina, but directed at Kaz, it was like there were whole other realms of meaning attached to them.
And Kaz nodded. "You too," he agreed, his voice sounding a little rough.
Inej nodded again, the smallest dip of her head, and then she smiled.
And just like that, the moment was over. Inej stepped away from Kaz, and it was like the bustle and noise of the quayside rushed back in, swirling around them and sweeping away the traces of quiet intensity that had held Nina in spellbound silence as she watched them.
Nina couldn't help a small groan. "Oh, come on," she muttered, and Matthias bumped his shoulder against hers with an affectionate roll of his eyes.
She bumped his shoulder back, then reached for his hand with an exasperated huff. Tangling their fingers together, she muttered to herself as she watched Kaz lead the way to the Slat and Inej's official welcome-back party.
"That was so close," she grumbled, and then cursed in Fjerdan when she saw Kaz's fingers drift over the spot where Inej had touched his shoulder.
These two, really. Someone needed to lock them in a room together and force them to talk through their feelings.
… Actually, now that she thought about it - maybe that was an idea for the next phase of her plan.
//
It turned out that locking Kaz and Inej in a room was much, much easier said than done. Between Kaz's ability to pick basically any lock, Inej's ability to escape out of anything that resembled a window, and their mutual mistrustfulness, Nina had her work cut out for her.
But she was Nina Zenik, and she succeeded. Admittedly with Jesper's help.
The trick of it was to get Kaz and Inej into the windowless basement at the same time. Luckily, Nina figured out a way to do it. She located a set of files on Kaz's desk about a certain slaver Inej was looking into, then strategically relocated those files to the basement.
When Kaz came down the stairs later that night, frustrated about the missing files, all Nina had to do was shrug pleasantly. "Oh, they're down in the basement," she said casually.
Kaz's eyebrows raised. "The basement? Why?"
Nina pasted on her best genuinely confused expression. "I have no idea, but I saw them down there when I was getting some Fjerdan kvas for Matthias." She threw him a saucy wink, and like she had calculated, it was enough for Kaz to look away with a shake of his head.
"You're welcome," Nina said sweetly. "Oh, but if it's a file about a slaver, shouldn't you take Inej with you?" When Kaz raised his eyebrows again, she raised hers right back. "It involves her, and you know she takes this personally."
Kaz inclined his head, and right on cue, Inej emerged from the shadows beside him. "Thanks, Nina," she said with a small smile. And then to Kaz: "Let's go."
Nina watched them leave, walking side-by-side like it was the most natural thing in the world. Their steps were perfectly in sync, and even their heartbeats shared a rhythm.
Shaking her head slightly at the fact that they still managed to deny their feelings, she turned her head and cut a subtle glance at Jesper. It's time, she mouthed.
Smirking, Jesper rose from his seat at the bar and tipped his hat at her. With a skip in his step, he followed Kaz and Inej down to the basement.
Nina tried not to feel smug as she mentally reviewed what would happen next. Kaz and Inej would reach the basement, and see the file almost immediately. They would walk towards it and open it, but instead of the papers of information about the slaver, it would just be one note.
Talk about it, then we'll let you out.
And right on cue, Jesper would use his ever-increasing Fabrikator skills to lock the door from afar. He would also twist the metal so that the actual tumbler and lock disappeared on the inside, making it impossible for Kaz to pick the lock.
Since there were no windows for Inej to escape through, they would be trapped. If everything went according to plan, they would have no choice but to do what the note said and talk it out.
Nina would admit, it wasn't her most subtle work. But she had been doing this for a while, and subtle clearly, clearly wasn't working. Even Jesper was tired of their denial, if the ease with which he had agreed to the plan was any indication!
So, yes. Nina figured that she had made the right choice.
… Except for the fact that she had underestimated Kaz and Inej's levels of denial.
When Jesper eventually let them out an hour later, Kaz walked straight past him and sat down at Nina's table. "Thank you, Nina," he said calmly, and without a hint of anger or lovesickness of any kind. "Inej and I had a most riveting conversation about the particulars of her next trip."
And then he left, Inej on his heels as usual. She didn't say anything to Nina, just shot her a long, long look.
Then smirked, before she, too, left without any further explanation.
Nina watched them go with her jaw practically on the floor. "No way in the name of all the Saints," she breathed, unable to believe that this had just happened. "You have got to be kidding me!"
But apparently, they were not, in fact, kidding. Astounding as it might seem, locking them in a room together had not resulted in any meaningful conversations or revelations of feelings.
Nina wanted to put her head in her hands. She had been so sure this would work! But the river of denial ran far, far deeper than she had dreaded.
She lifted her chin instead of dropping it. Oh, Saints, no. She wasn't going to let herself be defeated by Kaz and Inej's denial, no matter how deep and rapid their river.
Nina Zenik was better than that. And she intended to prove it.
//
Nina knew that she would have to up her game. Her previous plan to make Kaz and Inej see the romance between them hadn't worked, but, clearly, that was because it hadn't been romantic enough. A dark, dingy basement didn't exactly scream "love," it had to be said.
So her mission was simple. She felt fairly confident that she had been on the right track with the talk about it theme, so this time she would just frame it more romantically. So romantically, in fact, that they couldn't possibly misinterpret her meaning and talk about business or, Saints forbid, investments.
And Nina knew exactly how to do it.
Sweeping up the curving staircase to Kaz's study, she knocked twice then pushed the doors open without waiting for a reply. Kaz, who had been poring over a stack of papers at his desk, shot her a baleful look.
Nina was unfazed, crossing the room and dropping into the chair opposite him. "We," she said in a tone that brooked no argument, "are having a team dinner. Somewhere nice."
Kaz blinked at her, then narrowed his eyes. "If you think you can just come in here and order me to dinner like some -"
"Oh, please," Nina scoffed, waving her hand to cut him off. "It's the team, Kaz, I know you miss Jesper as much as I do. Wylan, too."
When he still looked unconvinced, she widened her eyes pleadingly (not that pleading eyes had ever had much effect on Kaz before, but she was happy to give it another shot.) "Besides, Matthias and I will be leaving for Fjerda soon," she added. Softening her voice, she said as sincerely as she could, "I'm going to miss you all so much. And the team isn't the team without you, Kaz."
Somewhere behind Kaz, Inej gave a low, delighted laugh. "Oh, she's got you," she said, her voice light and almost teasing.
Kaz made a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a grumble, nodding reluctantly first at Inej, then at Nina. "I'll be there," he agreed, and Nina thought she could hear a hint of warmth behind the general emotionally-stuntedness.
Ha, she thought. Kaz might pretend at prickliness, but he valued the team just as much as all the rest of them did, even if he'd never admit it.
That made Nina feel a little guilty for using the team as an excuse, because, well, the team wasn't going to be meeting where she had just told Kaz and Inej they would. No, it would just be Kaz and Inej. And a lot of rose petals.
Nina comforted herself with the knowledge that she really did mean what she said about Kaz and the team. She was going to miss them, and of course Kaz was included in "them."
And, she promised silently, they would have a team dinner somewhere nice before she and Matthias left.
But until then - anything that got Kaz and Inej to admit how much they meant to each other was worth it, even if it did make her feel a little bad.
So the framework for the plan was laid, and Nina sat back and watched it all unfold in front of her. Truth be told, she felt a little bit like she always imagined Kaz did in the middle of a heist, when it was all going the way he had said it would.
Right when they were supposed to, Kaz and Inej arrived at the restaurant. Kaz paused at the sight of Inej, then smiled, and even from her strategic vantage point, Nina could see his eyes softening.
They walked into the eatery together, and Nina couldn't bite back a small squeal. They were even walking in step, Saints!
She saw Kaz's eyebrows raise when he realised the table under Nina's name was for two, not six. She positively cackled at his expression when he took in the rose petals and, yes, candles.
What? If Nina Zenik was going to do a thing, then you could bet your life she was going to do it properly. Especially when it came to love.
Inej's shoulders were shaking with what looked suspiciously like laughter, and Nina knew that they must have found their special menu. Oh, Nina was proud of that menu.
Instead of the regular array of dishes, she had charmed the owner to custom-ink one with reworked names. The names were all variations on Talking is Good, Here's To Communication, Don't Deny It, Everyone Can See It, and finally her personal favourite, She's Not Just An Investment, For Saints' Sake, Brekker.
At the very bottom of the menu, Nina had added a little note. Oops! Looks like I got my dates wrong - the team dinner is tomorrow. It'd be such a shame to waste such a lovely evening, though. The menu looks exquisite, don't you think? If I were you, I'd try a bit of everything.
And because she couldn't help herself, she had drawn a little heart next to it.
What happened next, though, was something she could safely say she had never expected. Kaz read the note, his eyebrows drawing together thunderously the closer to the end he got. At least, Nina had thought it was thunderously.
It turned out she was wrong, because the next moment, Kaz was laughing. Actually laughing. Kaz Brekker was laughing.
Nina was so surprised she stumbled around her strategic corner, ending up in the street and clearly visible from the eatery's window. She knew that they could look up and see her at any minute, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the sight of Kaz, laughing.
Inej put a hand on her shoulder, her eyes warm. Sure enough, she glanced up and saw Nina.
Her eyebrows raised, but her expression remained as warm as it had ever been. She leaned a little closer to Kaz, obviously whispering something, and his laughter stopped abruptly.
Nina regretted that. Laughter really suited Kaz, and she didn't think she had seen him look that light since… well, ever. She wished he would have kept laughing for just a little longer.
But Kaz and Inej were talking now, doing their classic Kaz-and-Inej thing where their looks said even more than whatever words they were exchanging. Inej quirked her eyebrows, and Kaz tilted his head, and somehow that was an entire conversation on its own.
Finally, Kaz gave a tiny nod, and Inej raised her eyes to look at Nina again. To her surprise, she smiled.
Then Inej tilted her head, beckoning towards the restaurant. The message was clear: come here.
Nina was frozen in surprise, then a prickle of fear. Was she about to be chewed out by the current King of the Barrel? Much as she loved Kaz, and teased him, she respected his intelligence and position tremendously.
A worse thought struck her, and she reeled back. What if she had offended her friends, and that was why they were calling her in?
She had never meant to do that. She would never. She just… all she wanted was for them to be happy.
But Inej tipped her head again, a little more insistently this time. Swallowing hard, Nina straightened her jacket and went.
The door of the eatery chimed merrily as she walked in, and she took a moment to breathe in the warm, homey smell of fresh food. The whole eatery was bathed in a warm golden light from the fire, and unlike practically everything else in the Barrel, nothing about it suggested darkness or debauchery.
It really was a nice place. She had excellent taste. Nina congratulated herself silently as she walked up to Kaz and Inej's table, squaring her shoulders.
That was when she got the second tremendous shock of the night. Neither Kaz nor Inej looked angry. Instead, they were holding hands.
Yes, Nina had to check it again herself to make sure she wasn't seeing things, but… Kaz and Inej were holding hands. Holding hands.
"We may have something to tell you," Inej informed her, sounding far too amused.
Nina shrieked. And then, deciding once wasn't nearly enough, she promptly shrieked again.
Kaz winced, but to his credit, he didn't even try to let go of Inej's hand. "Thank you, Zenik," he said dryly. And then to the concerned owner who had appeared from the kitchen, "Don't worry, she's fine, just… excited."
The way he said it managed to be both dry and warm, and Nina was overcome with the sudden urge to simultaneously slap him and hug him. Because, yeah. The bastard.
She would never do that to Kaz, though, so she settled for glaring at him. And then smiling. Then promptly glaring some more, while smiling. "So?!" she demanded.
Kaz arched his eyebrows, acting as though he hadn't just pulled the metaphorical rug out from under her feet. "So, what?" he echoed calmly.
Nina spluttered. "You… you… you! You know! You both… you know!"
"That you've been trying to set us up?" Inej enquired, sounding like she was fighting to hold back a laugh. "Yeah, we know. You're not subtle, Nina."
"I am," she shot back, slightly offended.
Kaz and Inej, in annoyingly perfect sync, raised their eyebrows at her. "The basement, really? That was subtle?" Inej asked with a snort.
"Not to mention this," Kaz added, looking down at the modified menu with a peculiar expression.
Nina narrowed her eyes. Unless she was very much mistaken, it looked like Kaz was trying not to laugh. Again.
Which… if they had really been together this entire time, she could see why this would be funny.
Oh. Oh, she was going to kill Inej.
"So all those times I was trying to get you two to talk about it," Nina began slowly, "you already had?"
Inej winced, then glanced down at where Kaz's gloved fingers were still intertwined with hers. "Well, maybe a little," she said apologetically. She held up her hands, cutting off Nina's inevitable cry of protest. "We didn't tell you because we're still working it out ourselves."
"And we both value our privacy," Kaz added, giving her a significant look.
Nina rolled her eyes. "I can keep a secret."
Inej bit her lip. "Maybe, but we also weren't sure if you were going to… push, for something we're not ready yet. Especially because, um…"
It was Kaz who said it, completely straight-faced. "Inej spends her nights in my room now."
"But not like that," Inej rushed to clarify before Nina could even begin to process that revelation. "Just in the same room. Sometimes on the same bed, but not more than that. It's… complicated. For us both."
Nina was nodding before her friend had even finished speaking. "I am so, so happy for you both," she said, not entirely surprised to find that her voice was a little tearful. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. And just so you know - I'm never going to push. All I wanted to do all along was get you -" She glared pointedly at Kaz "- to admit that she's more than just an investment to you."
Kaz gave a little cough, and Nina was delighted to see a faint flush of pink painting his cheeks. "Yes, well," he said crisply, and she knew that was the closest Kaz Brekker would ever come to saying you were right.
It was much, much more than good enough. Nina squealed, then launched forward and wrapped Inej in the tightest hug she could manage. "Saints, I'm so happy for you," she said into her friend's hair.
Inej pulled back, laughing as Nina kept holding onto her tight. "I can't believe you let me keep setting you up when you were already practically roommates," she grumbled, but there was no heat behind it.
Kaz, for his part, offered her a lazy smirk. "After the first time you dragged me down to the docks, we thought it would be funny to see what else you'd try."
"You know I can stop your heart, right?" Nina asked pleasantly.
Kaz merely gave her his best deadpan look. "I think you'd much rather shake my hand."
Nina's jaw dropped slightly, and a wave of deep warmth and affection ran through her as she realised what Kaz was suggesting. He was voluntarily offering her a handshake - and considering that this was Kaz, that might be the sincerest gesture of trust and friendship he could offer.
Smiling past the lump in her throat, Nina nodded and took his outstretched hand, curling her fingers around his gloved ones. Kaz didn't flinch, and only pulled away after a very long second, offering Nina a nod and what might have been the faintest hint of a smile.
The lump was back in Nina's throat, the urge to cry tears of joy more dangerous than ever. She was just… this was everything she could possibly have wanted, for herself and especially, especially for them.
Kaz's barely-there smile widened into one that was actually visible, if slightly small and tight-lipped. He reached for Inej again, his fingers finding hers with an unerring surety and tangling them tightly together.
Inej, for her part, relaxed the second that Kaz touched her, melting into the seat next to him. She held his gaze, and the look they shared held more warmth, tenderness and understanding than Nina had ever dreamed two people could share, let alone nonverbally.
Nina, watching them, beamed.
So, yes, Nina Zenik loved love, particularly the love between Kaz Brekker and Inej Ghafa. And she always would.