Chapter Text
TW: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE
It wasn't the first time Izuku thought about ending it all. In fact, it was probably the only thing he could think of before meeting All Might in middle school. When he could finally be left alone by everyone around him.
The first time he attempted to kill himself was the day Kacchan first told him "to dive off a roof of a building". Izuku went to the roof of the school just like Kacchan told him to. He was ready to commit, until he wasn't... He ended up giving up on the thought just before jumping. That was also the same day Izuku met All Might and saved Kacchan from the sludge villain. The day everything went for the "better" in Izuku's life. But now it didn't seem like that anymore.
In another life, he might've been preparing for tomorrow, his first official day at UA. Like he should be. He passed the entrance exam and even got a place in class 1A. He should've been, he would've been excited. If only he didn't mess everything up, like always. He didn't meet his teacher's expectations and couldn't do what he was asked for.
Worst of all, he let All Might down. All Might trusted him, he trained Izuku, trusted Izuku with his quirk. And what did Izuku go and do? He got expelled the day before the first day of classes. He disappointed All Might. All Might asked for One For All back, of course, Izuku gave the quirk back. It wasn't his and never should've been his. All Might made a mistake choosing him as his successor and now it was obvious. Izuku always knew but was selfish and didn't say so to All Might.
Izuku felt empty, numb. Like a big piece of him was missing. He finally had a chance to fulfill his dream of becoming a hero and he went and messed everything up. He finally had a quirk, not of his own, but it was a quirk he could use. Not anymore.
His mother, even though he went against her wishes, still comforted him when he got home. She gave him such a suffocating embrace. 'Oh Izuku, I always knew hero work wasn't for you... '. It hurt.
His mother was right all along, he wasn't meant to be a hero. She always told him, even after getting One For All that he shouldn't be a hero. He is quirkless and therefore useless after all. Especially now. He couldn't possibly save anyone without getting himself killed, though he wouldn't mind that much.
So he thought, maybe it was best to just disappear. To not be anyone's problem anymore. It wouldn't be hard. Just a quick, small cut, and everything will be over.
The day was already really bad for him, so why not make it better for everyone else? Kacchan would definitely be happy to hear the news.
So he got ready. Izuku went to the bathroom, took a razor blade, and let the water run. He could at least not leave a mess for his mother in the morning. He wrote a small note.
'I am sorry, mom. For always going against your best wishes for me, for being a burden to you.
I am sorry Kacchan. For always being in your way, I didn't mean to, never did. And I'm sorry for taking so long.
I am sorry All Might. For disappointing, you and your trust in me, not meeting your expectations, and wasting your precious time on me.'
He put the note beside him as he sat by the tub. He looked at the time, a little over midnight, his mom is probably soundly sleeping and won't find him until early morning.
He held the razor blade up to his wrist. It would hurt, sting, but only for a little while. Not like he never experienced worse pain than a little cut. He held the blade for a while, just staring at it. The water going in the background like a white noise filling the quiet. It felt like he was under a waterfall, water harshly and painfully hitting him at the bottom, but at the same time, he felt lightheaded.
He was like that for a while, quietly sitting by the tub. Just staring, not thinking. There was nothing to think about. Nothing special in his life, no one special in his life.
He finally looked at his note again, his suicide note.
Was all his life just meant for him to apologize, for simply living?
Was there really nothing else he could write, to no one else? He could apologize to all of the teachers he ever had for being a burden, but he doesn't warn to apologize anymore. He could write to that one girl, Uraraka. They might've been friends if he wasn't useless again. But he doesn't want to burden her, not now that he is quirkless. Maybe his father? But he doesn't know the man, he left when Izuku was diagnosed. Rightfully so.
Izuku looked at the blade again, it was slowly sinking into the skin and flesh of his wrist, letting a bit of blood out. An ugly but also a beautiful crimson slowly trickled down his hand.
Izuku couldn't do it. He put the blade down, still letting his blood trail down his hand. A small puddle of blood forming beneath. Right on his note which is now getting a crimson color to it, washing out the content of the note.
Izuku couldn't do it. He is a coward after all, some things never change...