Work Text:
Souda prepares his tools. With rough but gentle hands, he starts by taking the first panel off of Komaeda’s prosthetic hand. He quickly eyed his friend, and looked back down at the hand, disappointed with his amazing work. Because again, there's nothing wrong with it. Nothing worth fixing.
But he sure as hell wasn't going to tell Komaeda that.
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Souda looked down at his toolbox to grab the screwdriver he needed, unintentionally noticing the soft comforter they sat on. Komaedas bed was mildly comfortable; pillows and blankets covering the full. It was almost ironic for a person such as him. For someone so rigidly kind to be adorned with fuzzy blankets and soft pillows at night.
Every Saturday, the two teens meet up at Komaeda’s cottage for a “check up”, to make sure his prosthetic was functioning properly. And while, no, there were never any problems with the beautiful invention, Komaeda didn't need to know. This day of the week was serene and peaceful for Souda. Lying was worth it if it meant being able to stare at his face for hours on end. So, he gets to work and listens to his classmate talk.
And, like any other day, Komaeda starts ranting about everything that happened that week, things that he did, etc. And Souda stopped him every now and then when he ended up talking about his “incompetence” and “worthlessness”.
Souda noticed that he would sometimes space out, studying the other’s eyes, instead of listening to whatever Komaeda was saying. He felt rude, but how could he not resist looking at them? They had to be the most captivating part of his appearance; Their hazy glow made Souda dizzy, and caused butterflies. They were gray, but vibrant. And while they were dull, they were dazzling. They were flawless, and he loved them.
And as he blinked back to reality, back to his workspace for the current moment, he noticed Nagito looking into the far distance, with a contemplating look on his face. The silence felt comfortable for once, although it was brief. He looked back down to Komaeda’s hand and continued his work.
He paused suddenly; awkwardly.
“Souda?”
“Huh? What is it?” He didn’t bother to look up from his work.
“Why do you let me talk to you like this?”
Souda could almost hear the frown in his sentence, and he didn’t have to look up from his hand to know he was staring right at him…
“And why do you listen?”
He sat still for a moment. Komaeda surely noticed his hesitation.
“...I don’t like when it's quiet. It gets- awkward. And I like to hear about.. the things you talk about. While I don't really agree with what you say sometimes, it's still interesting.” His voice had dwindled down so much that by the end of his sentence he was practically whispering; he was almost grateful Komaeda was engrossed enough in what he was saying to get inches away from him.. Though he still wondered if he was heard.
Souda didn’t really expect a question like that, either.. What was he supposed to say? “I like listening to your calm, silky voice for hours on end” ?
“The things I say are interesting? Hmm..”
He hears everything..
“Heh.. Yeah. I mean, I don’t really get some of the things you rant about.. Like hope and stuff..” His voice started to strain again, before he caught himself, “But I’m honestly interested in hearing about your perspective on things.. and, like, your stories.” He now purposefully looked away from Komaeda; and not because he was focused on his work. How is it so hard to talk to Komaeda when it's so easy to talk to Sonia?
“Oh.. I see..”
Souda could sense the faint smile Komaeda was showing, while he continued to work on his hand. It was.. Comfortable. They do this every weekend, but this time he felt- safe. Komaeda had learned one new thing about him, and it was pleasant, for the most part.
Until he noticed something; Komaeda had gone completely silent.
Is he thinking about what I said? I didn't say anything wrong, did I?
Although the slightly panicked thoughts clouded his mind, he didn’t look up. Nagito would definitely notice if he did.
“You okay, Komaeda..?” This was strange. Komaeda was never quiet.
More silence.
Then in the smallest voice;
“ *Sniffle*, I- I’m sorry .”
What?
The thought grew louder.
“What? Komaeda, what are you talking about?” He had given into the temptation to look up at the boy’s face, he had to. Only to freeze there in shock.
What Souda saw was nothing he ever thought he would. Komaeda had never done anything like this before.. He..
“I’m so incredibly sorry, Souda.”
He was being genuine.
Nagito Komaeda was genuinely crying. Right in front of him. For what possible reason? He was clueless. And as much as he tried not to, he couldn't help but study the odd expression. It almost felt foreign on his face.
For a moment, he looked sincere. His sunken smile made the mechanic want to hug him, but he was also fascinated. He had only seen one “Nagito Komaeda”. The one who messed up the class trial. The one who had only shown self-hatred and love for his classmates. His whole aura felt.. numb; artificial.
But now, he seemed real.
Soda felt guilty. What the hell did I say that made him this upset? He was bombarding himself with questions until he suddenly felt a warm presence all over his body. His heart sped up, and it took him a moment to notice it was Komaeda.
Souda went to hug him without even thinking. As he was about to pull away, Komaeda hugged back. And he didn't have any other choice but to stay still.
And so they sat there (rather awkwardly), hugging each other for a few moments, and Souda had spent the entirety of it thinking what he could have possibly done to upset Komaeda.
“W-what’s wrong man?” Like thats fucking comforting in any way..
“I really am sorry, You *hic* didn't have to be interested in me, and-” He paused for a moment to breathe. He had never cried in front of someone like this. So embarrassing… Komaeda thought to himself.
Souda didn't know how to comfort people. He had no idea what to say.
“What?” Souda might have sounded a bit rude when saying that, but he didn’t mean it. He’s this upset because I'm interested in him? He slowly pulled away from the hug to look back at Komaeda, tenderly holding his shoulders.
“Why in hell are you sorry about that..? I really am interested in you, it's not like you forced me over here..” He tried his best to be sincere; to at least make eye contact. It was so hard. Komaeda looked like a kicked puppy, and even glancing at him made Souda feel like there was a hound at the pit of his stomach. He had no idea what he could do to make this better, to make Komaeda feel better.
He didn’t know what to say, so he did the next best thing. He leaned into the hug again, rubbing at Komaeda’s back and letting him lean into the crook of his neck. And so, they sat there for a few moments, Souda’s heart beating a mile a minute. Komaeda probably noticed too, and he would be more embarrassed about it if his top priority weren’t the tears rolling down his crush’s face and onto his jumpsuit.
He tried to ignore the tightness in his chest as he slowly moved his hand up to meet Komaeda’s hair. He blinked as his fingers unexpectedly and smoothly ran through it with no trouble. It was much softer than it looked, and much less damaged than he thought it was. He played with the strands calmly, rubbing his back with his other hand.
He was surprised Komaeda gave into the chiding, grabbing Souda’s chest as if it were his lifeline, his tears gradually coming to an end. Had he helped at all?
“I really enjoy your company, Komaeda. I’m being honest. If anything, I’m not deserving of your love.”
He hesitated, immediately regretting what he had said. Surely Komaeda noticed.
Noticed that he used the word “love”.
The boy sniffled, looking at him in confusion. “What..?”
Shit. Shit shit shit. It was all over now.
“Love?”
He’s going to hate him now.
“You think I’m deserving of your love? ” To be blunt, he was almost speechless. An expression of unutterable confusion washed over his face, with only the tears on his face and the faint sadness lingering in the room as proof he was just sobbing.
Souda had already accepted his rejection. But he wasn’t ready to face the humiliation that comes with it. “U-uh, sorry, I totally meant something else, I-..” He sat there for a moment, silently panicking for an excuse. An explanation. But nothing came; and Komaeda was staring right at him, his beautiful eyes boring into the other’s.
And, be it shameful, be it horrible, Komaeda decided to say something. Something he would, normally, never make a move to express out loud. But this situation wasn't normal. And these feelings were... far from average.
“Can I.. kiss you?”
They both paused in shock at what the albino had said. He hadn’t thought this through. What if he said no? What if he said yes? Taking what komaeda said as some sort of consent, he leaned in and pressed his lips against the lucky student. It was awkward and messy, Souda’s teeth probably brushed against Komaeda’s- but he didnt care. This was the way he felt, and he was finally able to express that. Sure, it was messy, but it was magical.
Komaeda’s eyes widened at the affectionate gesture, startled by the quick acception and return of feelings. He wanted to kiss back. To lean into it with him. But was he really deserving of happiness like this? To feel this wonderful? Perhaps he should dwell on it later.. Souda loved him, that was clear. And if this is what he wants, he’ll do whatever he can to make it last. He leaned into the kiss, whimpering in pleasure.
And Souda was in love with it. Every sound he elicited, every move he made. It was hypnotizing, and he was willingly giving into it; every moment. He led the kiss on for a few more seconds, and hesitantly pulled away. The look on Komaeda’s face was pleasant, a clear feeling of satisfaction. Screaming ‘ I love you ’. And Souda could not have been more grateful.
He was loved by the one person he loved most. What more could he ask for?