Chapter Text
Howling wind swirled around a wilted sunflower caked in ice and snow. The blizzard predicted on the weather station was right on cue.
January.
Just days ago, Basil would have been with his dearest friends. Celebrating one of their birthdays on the first of the month. But that time had long since passed. It had passed around 4 years ago and it wasn’t coming back. Basil was well and truly alone. He had been alone before, long ago. Without a friend in the world by his side. People disliked him, and there were many reasons for it. He knew this, and begrudged no one for it. Especially these days, after the only people he cared about felt a wound that cut deeper than any other in their lives was suddenly and violently reopened.
He saw everything. The fight, the push, the fall. The hopeless gut wrenching terror and despair of pressing his fingers to her neck and feeling nothing there. No breathing, no pulse. Sunny killed his sister. Sunny killed Mari. It wasn’t intentional, Sunny tried to run away from her during a fight and she was pushed the wrong way when she tried to grab him. But would anyone believe that? Would anyone in their lives be able to look at Sunny as anything other than the one who ripped away such a vibrant and wonderful figure in all their lives. Would they hate him? Would they hurt him? Would he be sent to prison? Ruined for the rest of his life? All for one mishap, one mistake. A big mistake but still just a mistake. Basil... was he really unable to save him? No. He could think of something. The room was dead silent, save for the quiet weeping of his beloved friend.. Over the corpse of his fallen sister. Anxiety and dread clung to Basil like a sticky tar, invading his lungs and throat. Suffocating him. Desperately he combed through his panicked brain. All of this was disgusting. The smell was disgusting. Nothing. Nothing came to him.
…
Something. Something came to him.
It was the most disgusting thing of all. But if it saved Sunny, if it saved his friend, he could take it. He approached a now deathly silent Sunny, resting his quivering hand on his shoulder.
“Everything is going to be okay.”
Basil shook his head, tears welling up in his aquamarine eyes. The blistering cold winds caused the tears that rolled down his bright red and scarred cheeks to burn him with every drop. He didn’t care, he deserved this after all. This was his punishment. Basil had everything in the world. Mari, Sunny, Hiyori, Hero, Kel and Aubrey, they found him and for the first time in his life made him feel like he was worth something. Aubrey.. She found Basil when he was all alone, because she was all alone too. They were two despised and broken kids from broken homes with parents who wouldn’t know or care if they lived or died. They found each other, making each other realize that there was a place in this world for them whether they knew it or not. It was only when they were together that they found that they were no less worthless than anybody else. Aubrey would be the one to introduce him to the two sets of siblings. The brothers, Hero and Kel, and the siblings Sunny, Hiyori and Mari. He remembered how scared he was, he didn’t want to be a burden, he didn’t want to be a bother. But they showed him nothing but kindness. Aubrey showed him that he wasn’t alone and that he was worth something. Everyone showed him that he deserved to be loved, that he was a wonderful person worthy and deserving of care and affection.
Basil's knees shook before he fell to the ground. The blizzard's winds were deafening, drowning out any awareness of the world around him as he continued to descend into a spiral of his own thoughts, emotions and memories. Sinking deeper and deeper with the nauseating reality that he really did have everything that he could have ever wanted from this world, and he ruined it.
Basil ruined everything.
Sunny told the truth, destroying the weight of needing to keep that vile secret. Sunny had promised Basil that they would struggle together this time. Sunny had also moved away. Not of his own choosing, there was nothing he or even his mother could do. But he was gone. They spoke through a message program on their computers but it was very seldom and even without being face to face, still felt horribly awkward. That and it was a nightmare to set up. They called semi regularly, but Sunny couldn’t hold a conversation very long before his voice gave out. Even then, their conversations were still pretty awkward and tension still lingered in every word exchanged. They were struggling together, that was for certain. But mostly they were struggling to be together.
Hiyori? Well, she was the simplest of all, and the most painful. He remembered she was the first to say anything after the truth had been told. Warning Basil to never come near her family ever again. Basil couldn't blame her. For as much as it hurt, for as terrifying and painful as it was to hear those words spill from her lips and shoot through him like red hot daggers, he knew he deserved it. He deserved nothing but pain and scorn for his actions. But he couldn't help but struggle beneath the pain. Him and Hiyori were truly very close once. She was always there to indulge in his interests, always there to listen, always there for every one of his friends no matter what. Kind, and patient. The memories of their friendship now burned him like molten iron.
That wasn’t even mentioning what came of his relationship with Aubrey, Kel and Hero.
Hero was cold and distant from Basil, refusing to outwardly show any sign of anger or hatred save for generally avoiding him. But the way Hero looked at him since he learned the truth, the way Hero looked at him when he learned the truth. That agonizing pain, rage and resent that blazed into his teary eyes. The worst disappointment Basil had ever felt, like daggers into his heart. Kel would still try to reach out to Basil, still try to give him a chance despite it all. But Basil could always see hesitance in his eyes, even a little bit of fear. Kel used to be a lot more temperamental but has learned to manage it far better than ever before, but even still Basil could tell that deep down, Kel held his own agonizing fury. Aubrey? Basil was afraid of her. He had been even before the truth. Soon after the accident. Her and her posse of new friends bullied him relentlessly, pushed and shoved him time and time again. The bullying had screeched to a halt after Sunny and Kel protected him and reconnected with Aubrey, and it never happened again. But still seeing them around town and in school, they glared at him with a vitriol so intense he would fear for his life all over again each time.
This was his fault. Sunny killed Mari but Basil hung her to a tree. Hung her with the same instrument he felt only he deserved. There was a reason the 12 year old boy knew how to tie a noose. But even despite desperately wanting to part from this pathetic excuse for a life. Despite wanting nothing more than to reunite with the only person he could call anything resembling a parent, despite wanting to be free from the tortuous and maddening pain and guilt that plagued him on a daily basis, all that would do was burden everyone all over again. Sunny and Kel kept him at arm's length, despite their distance, he knew it would only cause them misery. Polly as well. As much as she tried to help him and care for him, he really couldn’t bring himself to get any closer to her. Fearing he’d burden her further than he already had been. Basil was responsible for the agony and trauma that had destroyed everyone and everything he ever loved and cared about. Everything that he wanted to protect and keep for the rest of his life, he ruined.
Basil looked ahead at the frozen lake before him. Snow obscures it in sheets of white. Mari.. what would Mari think of him now? Would she be scared of him? Would she be mad at him? Would she be disappointed in him? Would she hate him? Well, that was one thing he knew was true. Mari would always hate him, and he deserved it. This was his punishment. Basil collapsed further into the ground and unleashed a deathly scream. He screamed, wailing and sobbing, singing each broken note of his symphony of despair into the suffocating winds. No words could be formed, just the incomprehensible shrieking of a damned sunflower. There was no greater hope in his mind, body and soul, than for the icey chaos of the blizzard to freeze him solid. Above any and all of the chaos and turbulent hailstorm of pain and suffering, there was one thing that was certain. Basil was sorry. He was so, so sorry. Screaming turned into loud sobbing, which then turned into quiet cries as his energy and his voice began to fizzle out. He hoped his energy would deplete in full, and that he could drift to sleep in the violent cold. Never to awaken again.
It was likely he would have, until arms hoisted him up from the spot in the snow. Looking down he hadn’t realized just how much had come down since he first arrived. Basil had been half buried. He would have struggled against the arms that grabbed him, but there was no energy left in his body. Attempting to turn and look at the figure carrying him, he couldn’t recall who exactly he was looking at. He didn’t even really know what was going on. His eyelids grew heavier and heavier and the rest became a blur.
“Basil? ...Basil you awake?”
Horrible, painful cold he couldn’t shake wracked his entire body. Despite this however, the place he was in was.. Warm.. comfortable.
“Is he still asleep?”
“I think he might be starting to wake up a bit.”
“Give him a moment then.. I’ll go grab some tea for him. Would you like any, Aubrey?”
“Nah. Save it for Basil. He needs it more than me.”
Familiar voices. Wait, Aubrey was here? Basil stirred, trying to rub his eyes groaning a bit and wincing at the shot of pain that pierced through his throat. It still hurt.. But why? He tried to comb through his brain, groggy as he might be. The old hangout spot, the dock, the snow. Screaming. Pain. Cold. Ah.. it was starting to come back to him now. He looked up. That familiar, hardened face. It was Aubrey. It really was Aubrey. He yelped a bit.
“A-Aubrey? What are you-”
“Found you at the dock. You were damn near freezing to death. Don’t speak, you’ll hurt your voice.”
Basil opened his mouth to speak again before silencing himself and giving a quiet nod. He could still hear the resentment and anger in her voice. Great, he burdened her again. His face fell.
‘I’m sorry.’ He mouthed
“You should be. What the hell were you even doing-”
She stopped herself before she could continue and took a breath.
“I’ll ask you about it later. Right now you just gotta start feeling better.”
Basil nodded, pulling the blanket over him even closer to his chest. A few minutes of awkward silence as the two teens sat in tense silence, before eventually Polly returned into the room with a steaming mug.
“Good to see you awake Basil! I made you some honey tea. Be careful though, it's still a little hot okay?”
Basil nodded.
“Can you sit up?”
Basil nodded again, slowly propping himself up and accepting the cup of tea. He blew on it lightly before taking a tiny sip and setting it down on the nightstand beside him. He was in his bedroom, and Aubrey was right beside him. Her bright pink hair had faded quite a bit, the roots at the top of her head growing in her natural black color. It was usually down, wild and chaotic but with it’s own beauty. Here she had it tied in a messy bun, held together by a teal hair tie with a fake bow on it. Her eyes still wore those teal colored contacts and she had a bright yellow sweatshirt and a white t-shirt underneath. Aubrey would always wear the cutest skirts and dresses, but in the winter it would always be long jeans. These were baggy and had a number of holes in them. Interestingly, Basil noticed she had something different than he’d ever seen her wear. It was a small silver ring, with a little pink heart shaped crystal and a black choker. He thought she was very pretty, though Aubrey had always been beautiful, even when her style and demeanor drastically changed.
“Do you two need anything else?” Polly asked politely.
“Nah, I’m all set.”
Basil was once again about to speak, but refrained and shook his head no.
‘Thank you.’ he mouthed.
Polly smiled and nodded, leaving the two alone in Basil's room. A stark silence returned. After a minute or so of quiet Aubrey drifted over to the window. Peaking through the sheets and blinds she looked outside. The twilight evening was completely obscured by the snow, leaving the world outside as dark as night. She sighed, backing away and sitting on the floor criss-cross-applesauce. Basil was confused. He was home, he was safe, why was Aubrey still here?
“A..Aubrey?”
“What’d I say Basil.”
He shut his mouth tight, nervousness appearing within him as she then stood and headed for the door. Before she walked out of the room she looked back, her expression stern but otherwise unreadable.
“Be right back. Drink your tea.”
Basil nodded again as she walked out. He was trying not to get lost in his head, everything was so messy and turbulent and he couldn’t handle it. He didn’t wanna break down with Aubrey here. She’d dealt with enough after all. He reached to the side and held his cup of tea, taking a sip. It was still very warm, not too hot to drink but not at all cold. It tasted very sweet, a faint lemon taste on a backdrop of that delicious honey flavor. He would drink this whenever he was sick. Basil liked tea anyways, but he would like to drink certain kinds of tea on certain days and for certain occasions. He didn’t have much a reason why, save for that it made him feel happy. He smiled a bit. A small moment of bliss as he drank more, feeling his bitter cold insides start to warm up again. Aubrey walked back into the room with a small notepad and pen. She set it on the nightstand before sitting back down.
“There. You wanna talk, write it.”
Basil sat his tea back down and picked up the notepad and pen. The cover on the pad was green and the pen had a small pink flower on the cap. It kinda looked like a little pink carnation. Basil adjusted himself before thinking of what to write. Or rather, how to write it. After a moment or so he started writing before showing it to Aubrey.
‘Not that I’m complaining but I wanted to ask why you’re here?’
“Well, I had to drag your ass from the dock to here. I wanna make sure I wasn’t carrying back a frozen body.”
Basil knew she wasn’t being fully honest.
‘But, you know I’m okay now right? Again not that I’m complaining you can stay here as long as you’d like! I really don’t mind!’
“Well even if I wanted to, there's still a blizzard outside. Bit hard to walk or drive home in that.”
‘Yea, I guess you’re right. I’m really sorry for all the trouble Aubrey.’
She furrowed her brow, looking slightly frustrated.
“Yeah, you wanna tell me what the hell you were doing out there anyways?”
Basil felt his throat tighten with anxiety.
‘Well.. I was feeling kinda miserable today and I guess I wanted to see the old hangout spot again. I guess I got a bit overwhelmed because I started crying and crying and I couldn’t really stop it. I didn’t realize how long I’d been out there. I didn’t think it was actually starting to become a problem until I got tired.’
Half truth. There was some truth to what he said but also many lies. Aubrey knew Basil well enough to see it. She moved a strand of her hair out of the way and behind her ear. Her expression eased up a little bit.
“You knew there was a blizzard coming though. Didn’t you?”
Basil paused for a moment. Unable to think of what to say. But the inaction spoke loud enough to Aubrey.
“Jesus Christ man..”
“I-I’m sorry.”
His weak sounding voice gave a pathetic plea for forgiveness. Having forgotten to keep his throat under no further strain. Realizing this he covered his mouth in a panic. Silence returned to the room. Basil took another swig of his drink and looked away from his pink haired friend. Minutes felt like hours. The tension was faint but very clear and lingered between the two teens.
“I’m.. sorry Basil.”
Basil quickly turned his head, looking shocked.
“I had meant to tell you that months ago. On the night before Sunny was supposed to move. You were in your room though, and I didn’t know if you heard me. Then after everything in the hospital I was too mad to even look at you.”
She looked away, her bangs messily obscuring her face.
“I had every damn reason to be. What you did, what you hid away, that.. That was fucked up. I’m still fucked up by it, and so is everyone else. I still don’t even know how you could’ve-”
As her voice began to show fury, she stopped her train of thought and took a deep breath. Calming herself down. Basil could feel the guilt start to pound at his head again. Aubrey spoke again, returning to her calmer tone of voice.
“But I fucked up too, Basil. Me, Kim, Vance, Angel, The Maverick.. We all fucked up. But it was my fuck-up at the center of it all. I got them to bully you with me. It was because of me that they went after you like that. I was mad, I had every right to be. But with everything we’d gone through before, I should have known better. You and I both know what it’s like to be alone, we depended on each other for company. But then I turned against you, and hurt you worse than anyone else had before. Then I couldn’t even apologize to you.. For months.”
This time, instead of her voice being filled with more and more rage at Basil, it was pointed at herself. Frustration and sorrow creeping into her throat as she continued to talk.
“So, here I am. And I’m sorry Basil. I’m really, really sorry. You don’t need to forgive me.”
Basil’s eyes were wide, tears threatening to spill once more. After all the grief he caused, after all the pain he was responsible for, why was she apologizing to him? Everything was his fault not hers.
“Aubrey.. It’s not your fault.. Everything went wrong because of me.. You… shouldn't be apologizing. You’re not responsible for this. I am.”
“Stop talking like that! You still didn’t deserve the shit that happened to you! If anything you’ve suffered enough for what you did. For god's sake Basil, don’t fucking act like you’re at fault for everything, that every bad thing that’s ever happened to you is deserved. Your pain isn’t gonna help anyone, it’s just gonna make you worse!
“B-but..”
“No! You’ve always thought like that.. And now that everyone is gone and in such a horrible way.. You’ve fallen back into that way of thinking and it’s not right.”
She takes another deep breath. A leveled tone returning.
“The reason why I’m still here, aside from not being able to go anywhere anyways, is because.. Well.. I want to reach out again, you know? Even if Sunnys moved away, Hero’s distant and Mari’s gone, you’re.. Still like family to me Basil. I don’t know if I can forgive you, but I don’t want to see you fall apart like this.”
Basil was beyond speech.
“Hey Basil! Something the matter?”
Aubrey asked, jubilance in her voice as always though with concern very clear. Basil sighed, before looking up at his friend.
“Oh.. hey Aubrey. I was just thinking. Mari, Hiyori and Sunny are so sweet and so are Hero and Kel. All of them are the most perfect siblings in the world! I guess I just.. Wish I had a sibling. Younger, older, brother, sister, I don’t care! I just.. Wish I could be close with someone like that.”
Aubrey sat beside him. It was a warm spring afternoon in the park. The others had gone for a moment to talk with Sunny and Maris' parents. The kids sat on the bench, absentmindedly swinging their legs.
“Hmm.. yea. I know they all always say that having a sibling isn’t always nice, but I just can’t believe that! They’re so awesome and always seem to work things out even if there's a nasty fight! I know what you mean, Basil.”
“Yeah. It’s not fair!”
Within their hearts, deep where they could not consciously acknowledge, the desire to have a sibling of their own would stem from just how lonely they both were. At school they were ignored or even mistreated. Aubrey would face the strictness and neglect from both her mother and father. Basil would have his grandmother, but never know the warmth of his own mother and father. Aubrey and Basil had to fend for themselves, before finding and protecting each other. Almost like..
Aubrey perked up.
“Hey! Actually!”
“Huh? What is it?”
“We’ve known each other for a pretty long time haven’t we? Maybe not since we were babies but, still!”
“Yeah? We have!”
“Soo, why don’t we be siblings? Like Sunny and Mari and Hiyori!”
A look of pure joy and excitement blossomed on Basils pale face. He gasped.
“Really?! You’d want to be my sister?”
“Yeah! Only if you’d want to be my brother!”
Basil excitedly clapped his hands together and squealed before pulling Aubrey close and giving her as big a hug as he could manage with his tiny little limbs. Aubrey laughed with joy as she returned the hug.
“You mean it?! You mean it?! Ohh thank you Aubrey! You’re the best sister ever!”
“Eee! I mean it, I mean it!! You’re the best brother ever Basil!!”
They laughed and cheered, hugging each other tightly. Their joy making the whole park feel so much brighter.
Basil sniffled, recalling that memory. Aubrey was always there for him. His younger sister by only a few months. Words could not begin to describe the overwhelming joy and relief he felt to hear that she was here for him. Just like she was all those years ago. Suddenly, it all spilled out and he started sobbing. He stumbled out of bed and hugged Aubrey. She was caught off guard for a moment, before she readjusted herself and wrapped her arms around him.
“Aubrey.. Thank you.. Thank you so much- I promise I’ll try, I promise I’ll get better. I just- T-thank you so much!”
His throat strained once more. Aubrey gave a small smile, tears welling up in her own eyes.
“Easy on your throat Basil.. Deep breaths. I’m right here. Everything’s going to be okay.”
With those words in the air, falling on Basil's ears, he thought for the first time in almost 4 years, that it was true. From here on in, everything was going to be okay.