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“ Je te laisserai des mots… ”
The muffled sound of cicadas buzzing and crickets chirping sept through Katsuki’s room. He laid there, with only his thoughts and his slow, steady heartbeat to hear. A scuffle of footsteps and something being slowly slid across the floor woke up the blonde. He blinked up at his ceiling, his eyes fluttering open as he got used to the semi-bright moonlight that leaked into his room from the big windows right next to him.
He shifted ever so slightly, trying to not strain his injuries even further to take a look at where the light was coming from. Katsuki was confused at the slight noise that came from his door but he paid no mind to it as he thought it was just night people from outside of his door.
Huh, a full moon , Katsuki thought as he looked up at the navy colored sky, the bright twinkling stars scattered across the dark vastness. It was a clear starry night sky, not a cloud in sight and a big full moon that highlighted and illuminated everything in its path.
If only Deku could see this…
Wait.
Katsuki’s eyes widened open as the thought of a green-haired boy filled his mind. Where is Deku? Why was he in the hospital..? If Katsuki himself got hurt, wouldn’t that mean Deku could’ve had a chance that he got hurt too..? He was a self-sacrificial son of a bitch anyway. And when it came to Katsuki, Deku would’ve done anything, anything to protect the blonde. Even if it meant risking his own life and Katsuki knew that.
Because he too, would do the same.
He sat up in his hospital bed rather too quickly, ignoring the pain that seared through his right side of his abdomen. He was curious to see gauze wrapped around his waist and a fairly large gauze pad covering what he thought was a wound he had probably sustained.
“What the hell happened?” Katsuki muttered out loud, trying to recall his memories, trying to recall anything from earlier. How long had he even been asleep for? Come on Katsuki, think, think you fucking moron.
“KACCHAN!”
Oh. Oh .
All of the painful, stomach churning memories flooded into his mind. Katsuki remembers Izuku’s horrifying, gut-wrenching scream. One that turned his blood ice cold. He had never heard Izuku scream like that or his name for that matter. It scared Katsuki, shocking him fully awake, his heart pounding against his chest and his breathing getting more shallow and short. His lungs burned and the broken ribs he could feel that had barely begun to heal was just about to pierce his lungs if it hadn’t already…or maybe it had.
“Shit,” Katsuki whispered as he felt a sharp pain beginning to arise from the bandaged spot on his stomach, “Fuck.” He could feel blood pouring from his wound and drenching the gauze that was placed onto his stomach. So much for being careful.
Blood. Sharp. Metal. Black and red.
The small visions from his deep memory made its way to his mind. That’s all it took for Katsuki to put the pieces in place. He had been impaled by Shigaraki’s tendrils. The pulsating feeling of the foreign metal-like object protruding his abdomen turned his whole body cold and numb.
And then the next thing Katsuki had remembered was those emerald eyes he fondly knew of. Filled to the brim with tears and a flash of pain and shock staring into the crimson red eyes of the blonde. The prominent shine in Izuku’s eyes was no longer there, only to be replaced with…pure hatred and rage .
"KACCHAN!”
So, that’s where the scream came from. Or what was anyway. Last thing Katsuki could remember was freefalling from the height of the sky. The wind ruffled his spiky blond hair and the cold air enveloped his body. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t even scream out for help. He was numb, and cold. His vision was spotting with black colored dots and his eyes trying their hardest to be kept open. He could make out a blob of aqua-green flying around in the sky before his unconscious mind took complete control over him and his vision went black before he even got a chance to think.
Katsuki grit his teeth and forcefully took the covers that kept him warm off his body, swinging his legs over to the side of his bed. Well, at least he got his sense of movement back even if it did hurt like hell and he just wanted to go back to sleep. His feet dangling at the edge of the bed, brushing the cold hospital tiled floor and sending a chill down his whole body. God, he really, really hated hospitals.
Katsuki tried standing up and successfully did so, holding onto the IV machine for support. He started to walk over to the window until he caught a glimpse of something under his door. He stepped slowly, slightly limping his way to the door of his room. God, walking was a fucking nuisance when you are just waking up from one hell of a battle.
“ En-dessous de ta porte… ”
He finally reached the door and saw that the thing that caught his eyes was…a letter? But from who? Was he really out that long for someone to write him a fucking letter?
“Fucking hell.” Katsuki muttered under his breath while bending down to reach the white envelope that had been slid underneath his door. Had that been the noise he heard earlier when he awoke? Maybe, but he shortly paid no mind to it as a sharp unbearable pain arose in his stomach making the blonde hiss and grit his teeth, closing his eyes from the agonizing pain he felt. That wound was gonna be a hell of a pain to deal with.
Katsuki got the letter and stood up slowly to ease the pain he felt throughout his stomach. His curiousness peaked as he eyed the letter in his hands, flipping it over to see his name written in shaky handwriting. But it wasn’t just his name, it was his nickname only a certain person would call him. Only, a certain green-haired boy would. Izuku.
Why would he leave him a letter for god’s sake? That was some cringey bullshit even for Izuku—and that was saying something since the greenette was known for being sensitive when it came to his feelings. Katsuki walked over to his bed, stumbling a bit but making it without falling over or hitting the hospital floor.
He carefully opened the letter in his hands, his heart pounding against his chest once more and his hands slightly shaking. Why was he nervous? Why was he always nervous when Deku did something for him? Why is he feeling this way now? His heart aching and his chest swelling with warmth but also crushing him at the same time. Katsuki blamed it on the broken ribs in his body and his injuries and quickly shoved those thoughts deep into his mind.
He carefully pulled the letter out of its envelope and opened the folded piece of paper. Damn, that’s a fucking lot of writing Deku , Katsuki whispered, his lips twitching into a slight smile. Classic Deku , Katsuki thought.
Wait a minute.
It took a second for Katsuki to see the slightly wet teardrops on the paper and the shaky writing. Katsuki didn’t think much of the writing on the envelope on the front but this was making him slightly worried, an anxious feeling pooling in his stomach. He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat and he began reading, the moonlight illuminating the paper he held shakily in his hands.
" En-dessous de la lune qui chante… "
Dear Kacchan…thank you for keeping One For All a secret…I wanted to thank you for a long time…Thank you for everything Kacchan…I have left everyone letters about the truth of One For All…I’m leaving U.A for the better of everyone including you…I can’t bare the thought of losing you Kacchan…You’re the only one important to me…I can’t see you die, even when you’re the one who saved me that day…Thank you so much Kacchan, and I’m sorry…Goodbye Kacchan.
What. The. Fuck.
Katsuki had reread the last paragraph over and over again. I’m leaving U.A I’m leaving U.A I’m leaving U.A, Goodbye Kacchan, Goodbye Kacchan, Goodbye Kacchan . No. No no no no.
Tears clouded Katsuki’s vision and rolled down his cheeks, leaving tear tracks down the sides of his face. He clenched his teeth and balled his palms into fists. He crumpled the letter in his hand and let the hot tears stream down his face.
“No, no no no.” Katsuki shook his head, looking down at the crinkled letter in his hands that had now been wet with his own tears over top of Izuku’s tears that had slightly dried but not completely.
"Why’d you have to leave…Izuku..?” Katsuki breathed out, falling unconscious and hitting his pillow before passing out, tears still streaming and his ruby eyes wet with his own tears.
The somber lyrics of the french song both Izuku and Katsuki had known of their entire lives played in Katsuki’s living room. The sweet melody accompanied the lyrics, making the song bittersweet but tragically beautiful all at the same time.
Izuku loved the song, it lulled him to sleep, it comforted him on those nights he felt like a insignificant piece of nothing compared to everyone else who had something he longed for, had something he wished for every night before bed, every shooting star he saw, and every passing birthday he had all by himself and his mother on some occasions—if she wasn’t working.
So, when it was time for him to leave his dream school, to push everything and everyone he loved including Katsuki—his rival, his friend, and the most important person to him—away, he hummed the bittersweet melody, singing himself the lyrics he’d known by heart as he wrote each letter addressed to his classmates. But when he wrote Katsuki’s, it was 10 times harder, and 10 times more painful as all of the beautiful and meaningful memories flooded through Izuku’s mind that both he and the blonde had together.
Memories of them as kids playing on the playground where they first met, memories of birthdays they had spent together in their early years. Even the bad ones too, memories of Katsuki picking on Izuku, making fun of him for being quirkless or being less. But, it felt as if this year, his first year at U.A—even if he didn’t complete it—felt like he and Katsuki made the most wonderful memories ever than they had in the 14 years they had known each other.
He painfully wrote the letter for the blonde he cared so much about, his hands shakily writing and the tears that spilled out of his eyes dropping onto the paper but he paid no mind to it. He sniffled softly as he wrote, trying to fit everything he wanted to say in that small piece of paper but he couldn’t. No large amount of paper could ever be enough for the million of things Izuku wanted to say to Katsuki. He was just that significant and important to the greenette.
" Tout pres de la place ou tes pieds passant ” Izuku whispered, his voice cracking and full of sadness. His voice was beautiful. Izuku was an amazing singer, some would say. But when he was in a sorrowful mood, his voice was a sweet melancholic melody that was a rare sound to be heard.
“ Cache dans les trous de temps d’hiver ” Izuku sang. He sang while sitting in his hospital room right down the hall from Katsuki’s, dreading the moments that were about to come as he folded Katsuki’s letter and put it in the small envelope that he would slip under the blonde’s door while he was still in his deep slumber.
“ Et quand tu es seule pendant un instant ”
Izuku stood up slowly, walking quietly to his door and opened it, no nurse or doctors were around so he was in the clear.
" Shit...am I really going to do this ?" Izuku sighed and looked out the window, his eyes meeting the dark sky with bright shining stars and the moon, more beautiful than any other star in the sky. He breathed deeply in and out, not wanting to leave, his own thoughts and every fiber in his being, begging him to stay. Begging for him to stay with Katsuki, with everyone else. But he couldn’t, he didn’t want to bring anymore pain to anyone or any more death. It was his fault Katsuki got impaled, it was his fault Katsuki almost died right in front of Izuku’s eyes. It was all his fault and he would keep blaming himself for it until the day he died—whether that be the day he finally beats Shigaraki Tomura and All For One or he dies of old age.
Izuku was leaving the hospital and that was final. No one knew and he didn’t want anyone to know, especially Katsuki. Izuku couldn’t hurt himself even more right now and he especially didn’t want to hurt Katsuki. But he never thought for a second about how much it would affect his…friend.
Izuku grabbed the pile of letters—all 20 letters addressed to his classmates—and his yellow backpack, slinging it on his shoulders and putting on his red shoes. He had already dressed in his hero suit and was ready to leave. He sneaked out of his room and arrived at Katsuki’s, the one room he was dreading the most. Since Katsuki was the only one in the hospital it would be the easiest to get to but the hardest to leave. God, this would be hard.
After seeing that no nurses or any doctors were around, Izuku slowly walked into Katsuki’s room, opening his door silently. There he found him sleeping soundly and he walked over to Katsuki, where he could hear his soft snores.
“I don’t want to leave you Kacchan, I just hope you understand that.”
Izuku softly stroked the other boy's spiky blonde hair and looked at his sleeping figure, his face and streaks of yellow and gold highlighted in his hair from the bright moonlight outside of the blonde’s windowsill. The moon tonight was spectacular.
Izuku took a deep, shaky breath, trying his hardest to keep the tears in but he knew he couldn’t do it. He broke down silently right then and there next to the sleeping boy.
His tears dropped on his envelope, staining it with his salty tear droplets. The letter addressed to Katsuki was in his shaky hands. He didn’t want to let go, he didn’t actually want to say “goodbye” to the one person he truly cared so much for. It really was a long letter but Izuku knew he couldn’t fit everything in and kept it short. He knew that if he wrote a longer letter, it would’ve been much harder to say goodbye.
This was the time Izuku was dreading the most.
“ Embrasse moi… ”
He leaned over on Katsuki and placed a kiss on his forehead and whispered softly in his ear, “Goodbye Kacchan.”
“ Quand tu voudras… ”
Izuku slowly stood back up and walked to the door, turning back to look at Katsuki once more, longing for the blonde already.
“ Embrasse moi…”
“ You chose this deku. there’s no going back. ” Izuku told himself.
“ Quand tu voudras. ”
Izuku silently left the room, closing the door as quietly as he could. He quickly slid the letter under Katsuki’s door and left the hospital with tears streaming down his face and his heart aching.