Work Text:
ARCHIVIST
Statement of Dipper Pines regarding a yellow triangle named Bill. Original statement given on September 5th, 2012. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of The Magnus Institute, London.
Statement begins.
ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)
So there were these diaries, right? I mean, who wouldn’t have read them, if you know, you find a secret diary in the woods on your vacation, you read it, right? By the way sorry for your papers, I brought my sister with me, she made the drawings of flowers and rainbow unicorns and pigs on the margins, don’t mind it. Anyway, so back to the diaries, there were three of them, right? And we have two uncles. But that’s not the point, but it kinda is.
The point is, that there are these forces you should know about. I know that Gravity Falls is a bit far from you, and that the UK is a whole another thing, and we are here only for a few days with our parents, but there was this strange man with long fingers who told us to tell you all this. He was alright I guess, said if we ever need help, just look for his doors, but Mabel said we shouldn’t talk to him anymore, because Mr. Greg (that’s the name of Mabel’s pet forg she found in a cemetery) didn’t like him. Anyway, something really strange happened this summer.
So there were these diaries and uncles and machines, and this thing named Bill. He looks basically like a yellow triangle… thing. He has one eye and really thin, awkward legs and arms, and he also owns a top hat. I mean, it isn’t really that important, since we defeated him in this big battle, where he brought the end of the world and such. There were these strange monsters and everything. Anyways, I just thought you should know. We have to get back to our parents, I think they escaped the strange man’s maze by now.
Best regards,
Dipper Pines
and Ms. Mabel Magicsprinkles Pines
ARCHIVIST
Statement ends.
I won’t let this statement take more of our time than it already has. It’s rare for children to find our Institute let alone make a statement, but regardless these are obviously just children with excessive imaginations. And they are Americans, even. I asked Sasha to look into this Gravity Falls for good measure, she haven’t found anything remotely strange except some customer’s complaint about fake artefacts. Again, Americans.
Dipper Pines did leave a page about this Bill, it’s apparently from these alleged diaries he was writing about. Absolute garbage, if you ask me, easily forged by anyone with a bit of freetime. Of which I personally don’t have any more for this nonsense. The only thing about this statement that can be called remotely strange are the eyes on the margins alongside the unicorns and flying pigs, they are quite lifelike drawings for a 13-years-old. And sometimes, when I’m not looking, they… seem to wink, I guess? I should go to sleep.
Recording ends.