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It's the kind of night where Dream needs to cry.
There have always been nights like this, nights with the overwhelming desire to sob his eyes out. The feeling used to terrify him because it made him vulnerable. He never did it in front of anyone, until he found Techno.
Techno, who keeps his bedroom window open for Dream. Techno, who has an extra pillow on his bed and a soft throw plush in Dream's favorite color (deep forest green) and a box of mint Oreos and a stash of teabags under his bed so they can drink tea after the cry sessions. Techno, who can barely whisper without completely losing all cadence of his voice and so murmurs while Dream tries to fall asleep on his chest, telling stories about how his day went.
But tonight, Techno is out at a band concert for his little brother, and Dream is left alone.
The last time this happened since they had started their routine, the cry session transitioned into a full-blown panic attack and a remarkably shitty night spent by himself. Dream hated it, badly, and he had never felt so alone before. It was terrifying.
Dream, trying to take deep breaths as he stares out his bedroom window, wonders for a moment why Techno is so inviting to him. They don't really converse much, not outside the cuddles. It's like a friends-with-benefits situation except they're not friends and the benefit is emotional dependency.
A deep, sweet inhale does little. Something in the back of Dream's throat catches when he swallows and yet he can fight it, fight the pain in his chest. He won't cry here. He'll cry with Techno or he won't cry at all (and sure, that's an unhealthy mindset, but that's how it goes).
"Goddammit," Dream says, putting his palms over his eyes and feeling stupid for thinking like that. He crashes back onto his bed, bounces a little before sinking onto the mattress. He aches, aches for comfort. When had Techno become this important?
Speak of the devil (or the savior), Dream's phone vibrates and... and it's a text from Techno.
Techno :) : if you wanna sneak in tonight, my window's open and I'll be back by nine
Oh.
Dream : and you're just fine with me breaking and entering?? didn't realize you liked me that much
It doesn't take much of a decision to figure out how the rest of Dream's night is going to go. He's tired. He wants to cry. It's nearly 8:15. He wants physical contact. He wants Techno.
Fuck.
Dream grabs a jacket and takes another breath. His hands are shaking but that might just be from the chill of the autumn evening. It's all dizzying to climb out of his own window and begin the short trek across his yard, the street, the block, the neighborhood and make it all the way to Techno's house but Dream does it anyway.
He finds himself in a room that doesn't belong to him. It's suffocatingly empty of another human presence, almost scarily so, but Dream is familiar enough with the space that he doesn't feel entirely like a stranger. Sure, there's usually another person there with him, holding him close to their chest and whispering sweet nothings into his ear until he stops crying or even falls asleep, so it's a little jarring to be alone.
Dream starts listing off the things he sees.
Desk (messy), computer on desk, two big monitors, strip of blue lights tangled across the desk that is left on 24/7, bulletin board, Great Expectations poster, Minecraft poster, chip in the paint, bookshelf, red books, green books, blue book, black book, Twilight series, bed, pillows (blue), unmade sheets (blue), comforter (red and black), jacket on a hanger, closed closet, dresser, piggy bank-
Dream feels exhausted by the time he's done. All he really wants is for Techno to be here, but the best remedy for that desire stems from the bed and falling between sheets that aren't his, which he promptly does.
Techno's sheets always smell sweet. They are soft, too, comforting, familiar, and yet Dream can barely figure out what to do with himself. He sits for a long moment, glancing over the bed, mapping out all the wrinkles and folds of the cloth, the dips in the middles of each pillow, the frayed corner of Techno's favorite blanket. It's beautiful here, in that simple, lived-in kind of way. Dream feels terrified about being here, about being so used to Techno that he likes being in his bed. It feels like they've had sex, that he knows this bed that well, but they haven't and they won't. It isn't their relationship, nor does he know this bed as well as he so believes.
Dream finally lays down on his left side, placing his head gently on the pillow he normally takes. For a moment, he can practically see Techno laying across from him, watching him, putting all his attention on him, and the ghost of Techno's hand brushes a piece of hair away from Dream's eyes. It is an intimate memory, one built from a mix of many different instances put together, and Dream wishes that it were real, that Techno was here with him.
Dream barely keeps his tears at bay as he buries his face in the pillow. He aches for a long moment, the lump in his throat growing before dropping back away as he fights the feeling. Instead, he closes his eyes, breathing in the sweet clean scent surrounding him, and falls asleep.
He's a light sleeper when he's upset, so Dream wakes to the distant sound of a front door closing and five voices. They're familiar voices, all of them, 'cause he knows the family, he knows the rest of the people in the house, too, but oh, Techno's rumbling voice is such a godsend that Dream nearly laughs out of relief. He sits up to listen better and be ready for Techno to come in, and for half a second he thinks he's like a cat, a weird little cat excited for its owner to be home.
"You know," Techno says as he opens the door, "Phil and Mumza think that I sneak someone in to have copious amounts of sex with them, and even when I say that it's just you, they don't believe me."
"Hey, Techno," Dream says, not really in response but more out of relief that Techno is here. He feels stupid and desperate and upset and-
And Dream lets himself cry.
"Damn, you really need it tonight," Techno says, dropping his shoes off in the corner where they always sit and hanging his jacket up too. He sits on the bed next to Dream, watching him carefully. "What do you want? Listening, snuggles, talking-"
Dream just kinda collapses into Techno's chest. He can't even remember why he's crying at this point but he feels good. Techno's fingers are gently carding through his hair but the man stays quiet, the only sounds in the room Dream's sniffles and their hearts beating next to each other.
"I feel so stupid for having to sneak into your room," Dream says into the fabric of Techno's shirt. "Felt like a burglar. Or a perv. Gods, you're so warm."
"Thank you, I try," Techno murmurs. He's still sitting up, Dream's arms slung around his shoulders. "You had permission to. You don't have to apologize."
"Do you like having me here?" Dream asks, sitting back and wiping his face with the back of his hand. Techno looks so nice in the dull blue light, one side of his face lit up and the other in shadow.
"You wouldn't be here if I didn't," Techno replies with a smile. "Now come on, lay on my chest, you obviously need it."
Dream lays atop Techno, balancing carefully on his body. He's been here many times, abs engaged the first few attempts since he was unskilled at cuddles, but eventually, he figured out how to slide one leg off and let his face touch the cloth on Techno's chest. Hands rest on his back, heavy and pressing so it's almost hard to breathe. Dream doesn't want to breathe.
"I worry about you sometimes," Techno says. "I mean, you do kinda cry a lot, and then I'll go three weeks without seeing you and I think- I don't know, that you won't come back. There, now we both feel stupid." His finger moves gently over Dream's back.
"Oh," Dream says. He's not sure how else to react.
"Mhm."
"Techno?"
"Yes?"
Dream's tears are mostly gone by now. He truly can't remember why he was crying in the first place and he supposes that's a good thing. "Why are we here?"
"Because you made decisions that influenced our paths crossing. Now you're on my chest because you were in emotional distress and that's what I assist with. It's not very hard, Dream, I'm not sure why-"
"No. I mean- why do you let me sneak through your window and fall asleep in your bed? We barely talk outside of this, and- and you're so good to me. We cry together and that's it. Why... why do you let me in?"
"Because we exist together." Techno's hand stops for a moment before resuming its movements on Dream's back. "Because we need each other. Because... because we don't need sex for a connection and we aren't friends so we just... exist together."
"I almost feel like we should do something more. I mean... I don't feel like we do enough."
"What are you implying?"
Dream props himself up, looking at Techno. It's a bit of an awkward angle but he can see all of Techno's face. "I don't know. I want more, I guess."
"More of what, Dream?"
"Would you throw me out if I kissed you right now?" Dream asks quietly. He searches Techno's face for disgust, disappointment, horror, but finds nothing. "I mean that. Would you throw me out?"
Techno shakes his head the barest amount.
"I'm not going to," Dream says. Any semblance of sadness has left, been replaced with a certain sense of confusion that fills his whole body. Why is he saying all this? "Maybe I'll leave ."
"If you'd like to," Techno says, and Dream feels like he wants a different answer. Dammit, doesn't Techno feel this- this thing between them? This tension? Maybe he doesn't. Maybe Dream is feeling too much, and honestly, he almost starts crying again. He's confused.
"I don't want to." Dream lays his head back down. He can feel the hesitation in Techno's fingers as they slowly warm up to their previous job, stroking his back with smooth, gentle swipes of pads against the t-shirt. "Or maybe I do. My brain feels weird and I don't know why and I just- I just want to sleep on your chest."
They haven't actually slept in this position. Dream is always separated when they sleep, like Techno won't touch him when they lose consciousness. They lay on their respective sides of the bed. Touch is for being awake.
"You're confusing, Dream," Techno says quietly. "But yes, you can sleep on my chest. I don't mind, as long as you don't drool too much on my shoulder."
"Do I ever drool on your pillows?"
"You do. I've seen you do it many a time." Dream sleeps best when someone is next to him; Techno barely sleeps at all. "It's cute."
"Thank you."
"And inconvenient, because you make me have to change the sheets every week rather than every other week."
"Well, that's good. Clean sheets are good for a clean mind."
"My mind is never clean," Techno sighs, propping his arm behind his head. Dream becomes more aware of the gentle rise and fall of Techno's breath, lulling and smooth. "You balance me out, though."
On impulse, Dream props himself up again to look at Techno again. "You're sure you won't kick me out if I kiss you?"
"Probably not."
Dream presses a kiss to the corner of Techno's mouth, feeling soft skin against his lips, then lays back once more. "Thank you for not kicking me out."
"You're thanking me a lot tonight."
"Because I'm glad I'm here. And you're here. And I feel better."
"Good. Now fall asleep, we'll talk more about... us, in the morning, when you're completely better."
Dream snuggles closer. "Goodnight, Tech."
"Good night, Dream."
It's probably the last time they'll sleep together.
It's the best sleep Dream's ever gotten.
He's in love with Techno.
Whoops.