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Hoseok
Hoseok was giving him that look again, the one he gave him when he could tell he was antsy to talk about what was on his mind. A look that said ‘out with it already’ .
“I’ve been reading a lot of stories of band members dating fellow bandmates lately,” Jimin muttered, avoiding his hyung’s gaze, “A lot of them don’t end great, but some of them end up okay, even if they break up.”
Hoseok paused his video and shifted on his bed to face Jimin full on, furrowing his brow, “Jimin, you’re not thinking about… one of us, are you?”
Jimin flushed a dark pink, falling onto his bed and turning to the wall, “Just forget about it, okay?” His voice was small, and vulnerable, but sharp and offended all the same. Hoseok felt a twinge of guilt go through him.
“Ah, I’m sorry, Jiminie, I shouldn’t make assumptions,” he paused, no response, “and if my assumption was correct, I shouldn’t look at you like that. I’m sorry if I made it seem like you can’t trust me.”
They sat in silence, Hoseok listening to Jimin’s staggered breathing, before Jimin rolled onto his other side to face the older, “I’m not… confirming or denying anything, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet, not like that. I do want to know what you think, though. About the other stories. How do you think it’s likely to end up?”
Hoseok looked up at the ceiling, contemplating, “I think they’d have to work extra hard. Especially if they were in a group like ours, we have a lot of public image and people get upset easily. Of course, they shouldn’t worry too much about what others think of them, but it might even be best to keep it a secret, until they’re sure at least. I think if they were close enough like all of us, the break up would be hard if it happened, but not shattering. It wouldn’t ruin everything. They’d love each other too much for that.”
Jimin shifted again, onto his back, and his face scrunched up slightly, concentrated as he mulled over what Hoseok had said, “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
“If someone I knew was thinking about pursuing that sort of relationship,” Hoseok spoke carefully, treading on glass as Jimin snapped to look at him, “I would tell them to be absolutely sure that it was worth it, and if they were positive I would say go for it, carefully.”
Jimin nodded softly, gazing wistfully at the ceiling with an air of fear in his eyes. Hoseok wanted to reach out. Dinner was called before he could think of what to say.
Hoseok was painfully aware of how quiet Jimin was, but he wasn’t all that surprised no one else seemed to notice (except for maybe Taehyung, who kept glancing over worriedly. Soulmates, Hoseok supposed, they feel everything their other half does). He wasn’t even less talkative, but his tone and his expression was quieter. Smaller. Like he’s hiding.
Jungkook, beside Jimin, was laughing and grinning and Jimin was watching him like he’s the only one at the table, but there was a pain in his eye that Hoseok almost didn't see. Almost. He threw him an encouraging smile. Jimin took it in stride and straightened out a bit, allowing himself to laugh and relish in the touch when Jungkook smacked his arm playfully. Hoseok smiled softly, shaking his head to himself.
The maknae’s are going to be the death of me.
It was three in the morning, and Hoseok couldn’t sleep. Jimin had been sniffling to himself since he came in for bed at one, and he hadn’t stopped. He hadn’t ‘woken’ Hoseok for help, so he hadn’t interrupted him yet, but he was tired and worried.
“Jiminie? What’s wrong?”
Jimin stopped crying for a moment, frozen, before sitting up and burying his face in his hands, sobbing a little more audibly than before like he had been holding back for Hoseok’s sake. Hoseok sat patiently, waiting for the younger to steady his breathing, “Hyung, I know you already know, but I want to tell you anyway, properly,” he choked out, hesitant, “I’m gay. Or bi, I don’t know yet, but I like… guys,” he breathed it like a secret, “I know that after basically telling you I might like someone in the group you’d already know, but I…” he erupted into strangled sobs again.
“Oh, Jiminie,” Hoseok frowned, climbing out of his own bed and into Jimin’s, “It’s alright, okay? I would never think differently of you because of something you can’t control.”
Jimin watched him, like he was waiting for the catch, the ‘as long as you don’t actually act on it’ , the ‘like you said, you might be bi and it’ll be easy to pretend you’re normal’ . It never came, Hoseok just smiled patiently, and Jimin took a gasping breath of relief while more tears spilled over his cheeks.
“Does anyone else know?”
“Tae,” Jimin nodded immediately.
“Does he know the other thing?”
My feelings , Jimin noted, “No, but he’s probably figured it out on his own,” he grumbled.
“It’s… not him, is it?”
Jimin shook his head, Right, I didn’t think so, Hoseok mused to himself, glancing at the picture of Jimin and their youngest member perched on his nightstand. Jimin followed his eyes before quickly looking away from the photo, fighting the pink that rose on his cheeks.
“Well, now that I know, you can talk to me about anything, okay?”
Jimin nodded and let Hoseok hug him tightly.
They slept easier the rest of that night.
Namjoon
Namjoon had been watching this group grow as people, both physically and mentally, for nearly a decade. He knew every one of them like the back of his hand, but nonetheless sometimes he just can’t figure them out. He knew something was wrong, he could see it clear as day in the way Jimin only spoke to Hoseok when he was stressed, wouldn’t even tell the rest of him what he was stressed about. The way Taehyung threw Jimin sympathetic looks that Jimin didn’t seem to know what to do with, but clearly appreciated. The way Hoseok would throw Namjoon apologetic glances over his shoulder when the leader tried to reach out, and Jimin turned away embarrassed, rushing off and sometimes dragging Hoseok with him. But he didn’t know what was wrong, and it was bothering him.
He had asked Hoseok once, and he’d just shaken my head, said “It’s not my place to say” , and went back to what he’d been doing.
“Jimin!” He called after practice one day, finally fed up with being out of the loop, “Hang back for a second, I need your help with something.”
Jimin glanced at Hoseok and Taehyung, both of which shrugged and gave him supportive looks before leaving the practice room behind the others, “What’s up, Namjoon hyung?”
“Let’s talk for a second, yeah?” He sat down on a mat, patting the spot beside him. Jimin bit his lip nervously, but took the seat anyway, “You know, when I was little younger, a couple years before we met, I only told a few people that I rapped, I was super embarrassed about it for some reason, so I wouldn’t tell people in case they made fun of me, didn’t want to be around me anymore.”
Jimin looked at him like he couldn’t make out a single word his hyung was saying. Namjoon continued anyway.
“Because I only told a couple people, I would turn to those people every time I had writers block, or felt like I was going no where, or was stressed about the future. I didn’t understand that other people wanted to be there for me, people that would never do anything to hurt me or think badly of me. I wish I’d opened up to those people sooner, I think it would’ve helped me to not be as scared of my future, knowing I had constant supporters.”
It clicked in Jimin’s head and he turned his gaze to the floor, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“I do trust you, it’s just… hard,” Jimin’s face scrunched up like he might cry, “It’s a big thing, and I don’t know if I’m ready to tell you everything yet, but I…” he turned to face Namjoon, who was watching him patiently, “I like guys?” He phrased it like a question, easy to back out of.
“Oh,” Namjoon’s face flashed with surprise but he didn’t sound upset, and Jimin took that as a win, “You were afraid to tell me that?” He laughed lightly. Jimin pouted, but he was flood with relief. “I would never, ever make you feel like you deserve less because of something like. Besides, you’re not the only-“ he paused, eyes widening the way they did when he accidentally spoiled something on stream, and shook his head, “Nevermind, the point is: I still love you just the same, and so would anyone else in the group. I’m assuming Hoseok and Taheyung know?”
Jimin nodded, “Tae’s known for at least a year, I only told Hoseok hyung a week ago.”
“No one else knows? Not even Jungkook?” Jimin flinched slightly at that, quickly shaking his head and avoiding his gaze. Namjoon expected as much, “Jiminie… I trust you, but you’ll have to be careful. Okay?”
“You’re not mad?”
“How could I be?” Namjoon shot back immediately, and Jimin sent him a watery smile, reaching over for a quick hug.
“Thanks, hyung. I should go find Tae,” with that he stood and left. By the sound of it, his best friend had been waiting outside for him. Namjoon sighed.
It wasn’t hard to piece together after Jimin came out. The stolen glances, the special jokes that were just for them, the lingering touches. He chuckled lightly, “Silly, Jiminie. He’s so afraid for no reason,” he shook his head, stood up. Shutting off the lights, he followed the younger out the door and back to their apartment.
Seokjin
When ‘Jin’ got home and became a simple (but extraordinarily handsome) Seokjin, he prided himself as the oldest in the group. He prided himself as the one the others went to if they wanted food, if they needed advice. Yes, he was the oldest. He took that job very seriously.
He was easy to talk to, laid back but an easy laugh, happy to be in the other's presence. Maybe that’s why Jimin gravitated towards him, almost a month after he’d come out to Namjoon. He’d been talking to the leader about coming out to others, the fear of coming out to his family. He’d talked to Hoseok about his feelings, little things, not in depth. Mostly just about what to do about them. And he talked to Taehyung about… everything, related to this or otherwise. He still hadn’t confirmed who he had feelings for, but he knew Taehyung knew. The problem was, he needed someone to find out and laugh it off and make teasing jokes when they passed the men’s underwear aisle at the store, and while the others weren’t all serious, he knew Seokjin could be that for him.
He also seemed to be feeling guilty about not telling everyone.
Seokjin was cooking when Jimin inched into the kitchen, eyes glued somewhere behind the eldests head, “Hey, can I talk to you?”
Seokjin narrowed his eyes slightly, smirking, “You finally going to tell me what you, Hoseok, Namjoon, and Taehyung have been whispering about?”
Jimin blushed and turned to stare at the wall, “Yeah,” he breathed, “Jin hyung, I’m not straight. I don’t like girls.”
Seokjin paused what he was doing, engulfing his little brother in a tight hug before going back to cooking, grinning, “Thank you for telling me,” he laughed lightly, a mischievous glint in his eye, “You like anyone?”
“Yes, actually, that was the other thing I wanted to tell you,” he laughed in response, “It may or may not be one of our members,” he tried to sound nonchalant and not at all scared. He didn’t think it worked very well.
“One of your hyungs?” Seokjin gasped. Jimin shook his head sheepishly, “So Taehyungie or Jungkookie, hm? I would say Taehyungie but anyone with eyes can see that he, you know…”
“Is down bad for Yoongi hyung?” Jimin snickered.
Seokjin nodded in agreement, “So it is ‘kookie,” he mused, “I figured as much, but I didn’t want to scare you with that assumption right out the gate. Have you told him?”
“Not yet.”
“Yet? So you plan to?”
Jimin paused at this. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. The ‘yet’ had slipped off his tongue without him meaning to, “I guess so,” he decided finally, “eventually, I feel like I have to. I don’t like keeping things from any of you, especially him. So I’d have to, wouldn’t I? It wouldn’t be fair to tell all of you and not him.”
Seokjin nodded, “How wise of you,” he teased, but he did look a little impressed, “Do you want to help finish dinner? Taehyungie keeps asking to and I told him he couldn’t until I started plating, but I could actually use another set of hands.”
Jimin nodded in response, a soft smile on his face, “Of course, hyung. Let me wash my hands.”
Yoongi
Yoongi wasn’t stupid.
That much he was sure of at least. Even when he wasn’t in the greatest place mentally, he wouldn't ever have thought himself an idiot. It was almost offending the way the others pretended they didn’t know anything about the way Jimin had been ever since he first had shut out everyone except Taehyung and Hoseok.
Almost offending.
Almost, he kept telling himself. They still trust you, he reminded himself over and over again. It was a bit of a relief to know Jungkook didn’t know what was going on either. He could tell the maknae was definitely a little more than a ‘almost offended’.
He was contemplating in his studio where he’d been locked the past few days, desperate to finish the track he was working on (it sounded warm and deep, and a little sappy). Members would stop by with food and a few minutes for idle conversation before leaving him to his work again. It was Jimin who knocked.
Yoongi pushed himself out of his chair to unlock the door. Upon seeing the younger he grabbed his arm and pulled him inside, taking the food and setting it on his desk before pushing him into the couch, “Tell me.”
Jimin blinked at him, “What?”
“Don’t play dumb, you’re hiding something and you haven’t told me or Jungkook. Spill,” his tone was sharp but somehow patient despite his words. Jimin swallowed. This got easier every time, but it was still scary.
“Ah, we’ll, hyung, I,” he paused, sucking air in through his teeth, “like men.”
“That’s it?”
“What?”
“So do I, it’s not that big of a deal. This is what you’ve been hiding from us? From me?”
Jimin opened his mouth, took a double take, “Wait, so do you?”
Yoongi rolled his eyes, “Obviously?” He was so nonchalant about it. Jimin blinked.
“Does Tae know?”
It was Yoongi’s turn to look confused, “I don’t know, I haven’t really been hiding but I guess I never outright told him. Why?”
Jimin shook his head, “It’s nothing, it’s nothing,” he paused, “There’s more.”
“I assumed so.”
“I… there’s someone.”
Yoongi stared at him for a moment, studying him like an open book, “Jungkook,” he replied decisively. Jimin choked, “That’s why you haven’t told him, and you didn’t tell me because you thought I’d be angry about you liking someone in the group, because I think it’s dangerous. And I do,” he clarified, “think it’s dangerous.”
“Yeah, that… was right on, actually,” he chewed his lip, “Are you? Angry?”
“Of course not,” Yoongi sighed, “I’m your hyung, it will take a lot more than things you didn’t choose to make me angry at you, besides, I said it was dangerous not bad. You have to understand the risks this could put you both at if it becomes public knowledge. There’s a reason I’m not technically out to the public yet.”
“Why?”
Yoongi shrugged, “It has never been worth it.”
“What would make it worth it?” Jimin pressed. Yoongi didn’t have an answer.
“Are you going to tell him?” He dodged the question instead.
“Yeah, I think so,” Jimin rubbed his hands together, “I’m scared.”
“I would be too.”
“You’ve never told someone you liked them?”
Yoongi shook his head, “It has never been worth it,” he repeated. Jimin sighed.
“He’s worth it, I think. Even if he doesn’t… you know.”
“If you’re careful,” Yoongi reached out and squeezed Jimin’s knee softly, “I support you.”
Jimin thanked him, holding back the urge to hug him before Yoongi sighed, reading the younger’s thoughts it seemed, and opened his arms. They hugged. Jimin left.
Yoongi wasn’t stupid.
Taehyung
“Tae? Are you busy?”
“Never too busy for you,” Taehyung grinned in reply, closing his laptop to give Jimin his full attention. Jimin smiled, ruffling Taehyung’s hair.
“Thanks,” he sat down on Teahyung’s bed beside him, swallowing slightly, “I’m sorry for not outright telling you earlier, but I know you already know. I like someone. In the group.”
Taehyung nodded, “‘Kookie, yeah, I know. Thanks for telling me anyway,” he nudged Jimin’s shoulder with his own.
“I think I’m gonna tell him.”
“Today?” Taehyung tried to hide the shock in his face. Jimin laughed.
“No, not today. Soon, though.”
“You really like him a lot, huh?”
Jimin smirked, “Maybe not as much as you like-“
Taehyung punched his arm, hard but not angrily, and Jimin laughed, “Okay, Jiminie, do you need me to do anything?”
“Be there, maybe? I think I’m gonna come out to him today, so it doesn’t hit him all at once. Then tell him a different day.”
Taehyung looked at his best friend like he was the entire universe in that moment, causing Jimin to blush and look away, “I’m so excited for you,” he grinned, not bothering to hide the tears welling in his eyes. He’s always been a happy crier.
“We don’t even know if it will go well yet,” Jimin mumbled, turning away bashfully, but it was hard to hide the soft smile spreading across his face.
“A little bit of faith, my dear Jiminie, a little bit of faith,” he teased.
Jimin hugged him, “Thank you. For everything.”
“Of course, what are soulmates for if not to help you with your boy troubles?”
Jimin punched his arm.
Jungkook
Jungkook hated being out of the loop. He wasn’t even sure why he was being left out of whatever it was. It took every ounce of him not to confront Jimin, “ we’re supposed to be best friends, like a family ” he thought about saying. He didn’t though, he was upset about being left out but he wasn’t blind, he could tell Jimin was struggling with something. He just didn’t know what.
What he did know was Hoseok and Jin’s looks we’re getting on his nerves, making him feel even worse about not knowing. They weren’t mean looks, just teasing and confusing. Like they knew he didn’t know and thought it was funny.
That had to be the meaning behind the looks.
Jimin looked increasingly more nervous as the day progressed, like how he looked when an album was set to drop late at night and he couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. But there wasn’t anything new dropping, not even a Run BTS episode or an interview. It was driving Jungkook crazy.
At dinner Jimin dragged Jungkook into his room, wringing his hands nervously. Jungkook’s brain was working at a million miles per second.
He wasn’t exactly sure what he was expecting to hear, but it wasn’t what came out of Jimin’s mouth;
“I’m gay.”
Jungkook stared at him like he’d grown a second head, “Excuse me?” He blurted, brain not catching up to the situation as he gaped. Jimin visibly shrunk and guilt flooded Jungkook. He pulled Jimin into a tight hug, “Oh, my god, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, I’m just surprised is all.”
“But it’s okay?” Jimin breathed.
“Of course,” Jungkook whispered back.
The younger one pulled away and sat down on the bed, staring at his hands in his lap, “Does everyone else already know?”
“Yeah,” Jimin sat down beside him carefully, chewing on his lip nervously.
“Is there a reason you told me last? I guess it doesn’t matter, but…” he trailed off, wondering briefly if Jimin had realized he’d caused Jungkook to question his own sexuality before and was uncomfortable with telling him. It wasn’t that he liked Jimin in that way, but who was he to deny how handsome Jimin was?
Jimin shook his head, “No! I just told the people who asked, like our hyungs, except Seokjin hyung, but he kept watching me expectantly so he basically asked. Tae’s known for a while, but, you know…” Jungkook did know. He wouldn’t have expected anyone else to find out first if not Taehyung.
“I didn’t ask, so why now?”
Jimin smiled softly, “I care about you so much. I wanted you to know.”
Jungkook studied his expression, heat rising on his cheeks, and turned away again, “I care about you too. Thank you for trusting me. Does your family know?” Jimin shook his head, “Are you going to tell them?”
Jimin shrugged, “Eventually, I guess. I’d hope to one day be able to bring a partner home for the holidays during one of our breaks and have them not hate me,” he tilted his head to stare out the window and the golden hour sunset illuminated his profile in such a way that mesmerized Jungkook.
That sat in silence before Jungkook breathed out a careful, “I hope that for you too, you deserve that much.”
Jimin
Since their conversation in Jungkook’s room three weeks ago Jimin had been working up the courage and planning a way to confess his feelings. Every time he saw Jungkook his heart rose into his throat, and everytime they practiced he got distracted. There wasn’t much more he could take of this, even rejection would be better than this.
“Tae, I think I’m gonna do it tonight during dinner.”
“In front of everyone?”
“Yeah,” Jimin paused, “I don’t want to seem like I’m pressuring him into accepting me by having an audience, but you’ve all been there for everything else since I was like seventeen, I want you here for this too. No matter what the outcome is.”
Taehyung smiled brightly, and Jimin felt a little better about his decision, “Okay. I’ll be there to support you both.”
“Thanks, Taehyungie,” Jimin smiled back, mentally cursing himself for the way his smile faulted when he realized he might put a barrier between Jungkook and him forever tonight.
But if he thought about it too long he might never stop, so he took a deep breath and got ready for dinner, and the events that would take place during it.
The first thing Jimin thought when he saw Jungkook was that he was incredibly handsome, the second thought was that he had no idea what he would do if his friend never gave him his real smile again after tonight.
Taehyung snorted and it snapped Jimin out of his staring trance. Jungkook laughed, winking playfully, “You look nice,” Jimin stumbled over his words, but managed to get the sentence out. He could’ve sworn Jungkook blushed but didn’t dare get his hopes up.
“Oh, thanks. I streamed earlier and never bothered to get into lounge wear again.”
Jimin, of course, knew he’d streamed. He’d watched. But he loved to hear Jungkook talk, so he asked him what he talked about on stream and the youngest lunged into a rant about everything that he’d talked about, and the interactions with ARMY he’d had while Jimin listened fondly.
After dinner they agreed to drinks in the living room, and after pouring glasses and settling into seats, Jimin tapped his glass dramatically from where he stood in the middle of the room, looking dreadfully nervous, “I know I should save stuff like this until after a couple of drinks, get the nerves out of me first, but I don’t want to be written off as drunken banter,” he glanced nervously at Taehyung who grinned, before making determined and fearful eye contact with Jungkook. Everyone else seemed to straighten out like they just realized what was going on.
“Jimin, what…?” Jungkook breathed, suddenly very embarrassed under everyone’s gaze.
“Jungkook, I don’t want to run everything and scare you off, and I don’t want you to be pressured to accept me but I,” he paused, realizing he’d never actually said the words before. Only confirmed or implied them, “I like you. A lot. More than I thought it possible to like someone, and for so long that I guess I… I love you, Jungkook. I love you so much. I’m sorry for being dishonest about my feelings in the past, and-“
“Shut up,” Jungkook cut him off, groaning and rubbing his eyes after setting his drink down, “Just stop talking for a second.”
Jimin had never been more mortified in his life, he was sure Jungkook hated him now, they’d never go back to normal.
“You mean to tell me,” Jungkook grumbled, but his eyes were bright, “That after spending weeks trying to figure out who you liked, why you decided to come out to all of us now, why it was so important it was me ? You mean to fucking tell me that after weeks of having to realize that the reason I’ve been confused isn’t because I’m physically attracted to you, you’re handsome, sure, anyone in there right mind could tell you that, but it’s because everything about you is wonderful and makes me feel things I’ve never felt before, you’re in love with me? That after being upset all month because you liked someone else and I’d never get to tell you how I felt, how I feel , you came in here to tell me before I even got the chance? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
Jimin just stared, brain trying to catch up to Jungkook’s words, “I’m… sorry?” He replied dumbly.
Jungkook laughed, standing up, “You’re an idiot,” he closed the space between them and pressed an innocent but romantic kiss on his lips before pulling back again, “I love you too.”
The others whooped and hollered, but Jimin’s ears were buzzing and he couldn’t hear anyone. All he could do was stare at the beautiful man in front of him and fall even more in love with him.
But it was okay, cause the other loved him too.