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Ben is preparing for bed when the bond activates and a trembling, slightly pale and barefoot Rey appears in his quarters. He drops the shirt he’s just removed to the floor and turns to get a better look at her.
Her hair is down, falling in slight waves just below her shoulders. Longer than the last time he saw it down. A dark blue tunic and a grey sash draped over her shoulders and crossed in front of her chest, grey pants that end just below her knee. Her arms are bare, devoid of the usual wraps she still wears to protect her skin from the sun.
She’s recently been in some sort of fight or battle, that part is obvious. Dirt is smudged on her clothes and face, along with a scratch on her left cheek, about an inch long and still bleeding. Once he spots the blood, Ben takes a cautious step toward her and scans the rest of her body for injuries. He finds that she has a few more gashes, none looking too deep at first glance, but in need of cleaning. One across her collarbone, a large scrape on her exposed right calf, and a few long cuts along her left arm, as well as several bruises.
“Rey?” He takes another slow step toward her.
Her face crumples and he gently places his hands on her shoulders.
“What happened?” His voice comes out gravelly, strained. He wants to get rid of whoever did this, whatever it was that hurt her.
She just shakes her head, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. He knows she’ll tell him eventually, but he still feels a fissure of anger. He closes his eyes and takes a deep, calming breath before opening them again. It’s always been easier to control his anger whenever they’re together, even more so now with Snoke gone.
Ben trails his fingers down her arms, careful to avoid the wounds on her left arm, and takes hold of her hands. He gently pulls her to his refresher and easily lifts her up onto the dark countertop by her waist.
She’s too exhausted to protest with anything more than a little, surprised gasp.
“Can I clean these for you?” He asks softly, his hands heavy where they still rest on her waist.
Rey takes a deep, shuddering breath and nods. There is a dull ache pounding in her head and chest, and the only thing she thinks will fix it at the moment is him. Her heart twinges in protest when he removes his hands from her, but she watches as he pulls out a medpack from a shelf under the counter and pulls out several supplies. A bottle of antiseptic, a bacta salve, strips of bandages, a small, clean towel. He takes the towel and wets it under the water at the sink to her right.
He starts on her arm, as those cuts seem to be bleeding the most. Those she got from a tree while running. Not that she tells him that.
He holds her arm in his left hand and carefully wipes the dirt and grime away from around the wounds first. After rinsing the towel, he cleans away the blood and then applies the antiseptic and bacta. He repeats this with her collarbone, also received from a tree, then crouches to reach her calf where there isn’t a lot of blood, but a bit of raw skin from skimming against a boulder.
Rey closes her eyes and lets herself be taken care of. The feel of his fingers on her skin is a balm she’s needed for far longer than she’d like to admit. As he works on her calf, his other hand rubs small circles into her ankle and she almost lets out a sob at the feeling.
He didn’t have to do this for her. He could have ignored her, which he still does on occasion. The bond has only connected a handful of times in the six months since Crait, every few weeks or so. They’re not exactly friends, but there is something more there that gets stronger every time she sees him and they’ve come far enough in understanding one another for her to admit to herself that he’s not her enemy. And here he is, cleaning her wounds and rubbing her foot and making her feel like maybe he does care, which is more than she can say for the Resistance at the moment.
They want her to be some pure, all knowing Jedi. Dress her in white and make her their mascot. And while she wants to belong, she doesn’t want all that .
Although they haven’t seen each other outside of the bond, the only time she doesn’t feel alone is when she’s with Ben. Finn tries to be a good friend, but he doesn't quite understand the weight of the task put on her shoulders. She doesn’t know how much more of it she can take.
White is impractical, after all.
Her eyes are still closed when she feels his hands leave her leg. She opens them when she feels a hand rest on her neck, his thumb under her chin. He tilts her head up as he moves closer to stand between her legs.
She doesn’t really even think about how close he is, doesn’t give it a second thought because he’s all she really wants right now. The bond seems to hum in contentment the closer they are, the more his fingers touch her skin.
When she looks up at him, she nearly turns away; the way he’s looking at her is almost too much, his eyes so full of concern. It makes her want to hide and at the same time it makes her want to never leave him again.
“There was an ambush,” she whispers as he starts to wipe off the blood from her cheek.
He presses his lips together. He knows it wasn’t the First Order, unless someone had gone behind his back. But there’s no way she would let him touch her if it had been them.
He doesn’t push for more, although he desperately wants to know so he can put a bounty on their heads. But he can feel her exhaustion through their bond and doesn’t want to make her tell him if she’s not ready.
He tries to ignore the tightness in her chest he also feels, and how it’s slowly fading as he continues to clean her wounds.
Done with clearing away the blood from her face, he lightly dabs some antiseptic onto the cut on her cheek. She flinches away at the sting, letting out a little gasp.
“Sorry,” he murmurs, moving his hand from her neck to her jaw, partly to soothe and partly to hold her still.
She closes her eyes and leans into his touch, his thumb stroking along the apple of her cheek. He finishes cleaning the cut and spreads the bacta across it with his other thumb. Once done, he discards the used towel and returns to his spot with the bandages.
The only place that needs to be bandaged is her arm. Rey holds it out for him and he cradles it gently in his hand. She focuses her gaze on his bare shoulder as he firmly wraps her forearm with the bandage. She watches as the muscle there moves under his pale skin, not at all impaired by the long scar that curls over his collarbone. The one she gave him on that terrible night. The one she now wishes she could take back, whether he deserved it at the time or not.
She’s pulled from her thoughts when he sighs and tucks in the end of the bandage. He holds her arm in his hand and rubs his thumb along the top edge of the bandage.
It feels so good, these tender touches he gives her after spending so many years without. She’s not entirely without comfort in the Resistance, but it’s not the same. No one there, not Finn, not Rose, not Leia, can make her feel the way Ben can with even the simplest touch of his fingers against her arm.
Then again, she supposes the way she feels about Ben is completely different from how she feels about anyone else.
His free hand falls to rest on the counter next to hers. His pinky curls around her pointer finger and her chest feels tight and hollow at the same time.
This is when she finally allows herself to cry. Not just about the ambush, but about everything that’s happened in the past several months, everything that’s been building up inside her. The frustration, anger, loneliness. How much she misses him even though he’s right here, touching her, but it’s not the same because even though the bond is connected, she’s really on some backwater planet and he’s in his Star Destroyer and she never knows how long the connection will last. It’s never long enough.
She hangs her head and lets a few tears land in her lap. Her shoulders hunch inward slightly, unconsciously making herself smaller. Ben’s hand on her arm trails down to grip hers.
“Rey.” His fingers squeeze hers as he whispers her name with such a tenderness that it makes her heart hurt.
A sob finally escapes her chest as his other hand leaves the counter and slowly tips her chin up with his finger.
Her eyes are wet and starting to turn red from crying, her cheeks shining with tear tracks. He brushes them away with his thumb.
He hates it when she cries. At first he thought it was because he could feel an echo of what she was feeling and he didn’t like it. It was uncomfortable, too intimate. But he’s come to realize that he hates it when she cries because he knows what it feels like to be tired, sad, lonely, lost. He doesn’t want her to feel the way he does.
It’s strange. He hasn’t given much thought to others feelings in years, being so focused on just surviving whatever horror Snoke would throw at him next. So to suddenly care about how Rey feels has thrown him off significantly.
Those hazel eyes look up at him and in the most gut wrenchingly sad tone he thinks he's ever heard, she whispers, “I miss you.”
At that, he feels moisture gather in his own eyes and a twinge in his chest as he continues to brush his thumb across her cheek.
He could bring it up. How she left him in the throne room. How she could have taken his hand and they could have been together in person right now instead of connected by their bond, unaffected by whatever has happened to the Resistance.
Instead, he leans to press his forehead against hers and lets out a quiet groan.
He misses her, too.
Rey closes her eyes and tilts her head up slightly so her nose touches his.
He can feel her breath brushing against his lips. He wants to close the gap and press his lips to hers, to see what they taste like, to know if they’re as soft as they look.
She’s still in a rattled state right now, though, and through their bond he can feel that she needs comforting and he doesn’t know how she would respond. So he leans in a little further, sliding the side of his nose against the side of hers. Their mouths are less than an inch apart and he waits there.
She knows what he’s doing. She appreciates him letting her make the final decision in this, something that could potentially become dangerous for either or both of them. Because she knows if they continue, there’s no going back.
It only takes her a few seconds to decide.
Despite all the danger, all the problems this could cause, she wants this. Wants him.
She closes the gap.
It’s only a brief press of her lips against his, but just from that, Ben is hooked. He pulls back just enough to look into her eyes, sees her resolve there, then goes back in to kiss her again with slightly parted lips. He lets go of her hand to cradle her face in both of his, stepping closer and tilting her head a little bit to get a more comfortable angle. He feels her hands go to his shoulders and for a moment he thinks she’s going to push him away, but her right hand wraps around the back of his neck and her left moves down his arm to clutch at his bicep.
For a few moments it makes her forget all the pain, the loss, the anger she has felt in the past several months. For a few moments, all she feels is how his mouth moves against hers. It’s soft and gentle and achingly sweet and her chest is tight again and she doesn’t want to ever leave this moment. Where it’s just the two of them and nothing else.
She leans away when she needs to breathe and Ben follows, intent on catching her lips again, before stopping to take a break himself.
“Rey,” he breathes, barely even a whisper. He runs his hand over her hair.
“Ben,” she whispers back.
She’s crying again because she can’t do this anymore; can’t pretend to hate him for the sake of her friends, can’t pretend that she doesn’t think he’s actually doing a decent job at ruling. She doesn’t want to miss him anymore because it hurts and she’s tired of hurting.
“I want you here with me for real,” he whispers as he again presses his forehead against hers. “Let me take you away from all this.”
At this, she tries to turn away and lets her hand on his neck slide down to his collarbone. They’ve had this conversation before; though before it had always been more of an argument where neither of them were ready or willing to really listen to the other.
He follows as she turns her head to the side, staying in her line of sight. His left hand leaves her face to settle on her waist, while the other wipes at her tear stained cheeks.
“Sweetheart, please.” Ben presses a kiss to her cheek. “I need…” He brushes the tip of his nose against hers. “I need to know you’re safe.”
And oh, Rey does not have the time to unpack how it makes her feel when he calls her that. Instead, she wraps her arms around his shoulders and tucks her head against his neck.
He can feel the conflict she’s going through as he slides the hand on her waist to her back and bands his other arm around her. He can almost hear her argument that he should leave and join her instead, or maybe that they should both run away. The latter option is tempting beyond belief, but he can’t leave. Not now.
“If I could leave, hide away someplace, just us, I would.” He reluctantly pulls away from their embrace, just enough to look at her. His hands settle on her lower back, hers sliding down to his biceps. “I can’t, Rey. If I leave now, Hux will immediately take over the position of Supreme Leader. That would be disastrous for everyone in the galaxy. He’s already tried to get approval for a new Starkiller Base a few times.”
Rey’s eyes widen at that, her fingers tightening on his arms. “Ben-”
“I’ve shut it down every time. But he’ll try to get the upper hand any chance he gets.”
“Would he try to overthrow you?” She can’t hide the panic in her voice. The thought of Hux becoming Supreme Leader is bad enough, but the possibility of a coup against Ben scares her even more.
“Probably, but not any time soon. He’s not brave enough to try yet.” His thumbs rub circles into her back, a small smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth.
This day has thoroughly exhausted her, both physically and emotionally, and Rey finds herself leaning forward to rest her head against Ben’s chest. She listens to his heartbeat under her ear, strong and steady and grounding. He holds her closer, almost flush against his chest.
“Just… be with me. Please,” he murmurs into her hair.
And it’s that last ‘please’ that undoes her, or maybe it’s that they’ve connected through this bond enough times to recognize that the connection is starting to slowly slip away. Either way, she’s nodding and pulling away from his chest to take his face in her hands and look him in the eye when she finally agrees to join him.
There is a moment when he stares at her in disbelief, but he quickly overcomes it as he feels the connection ending and leans in to press a hard, quick kiss to her lips.
“Pasanaa. I’ll be-” is all she’s able to get out before she vanishes from his grasp.
His hands curl into fists and his lips press together in frustration. The bond never lets them stay connected long enough, though very soon there will be no need for it.
Somehow though, he knows what she’d meant to say.
Rey takes several deep breaths before stepping out onto the sand. She circles around her ship to stand in the shade, hiding from the hot sun. She arrived on the desert planet a few hours ago, giving her some time to explore a festival nearby, but now she is alone in a valley, just her and the small craft she used to get there.
After accepting that she wouldn't be returning to Jakku, she had thought she was done with the desert. Up until leaving it, the sun and sand had brought her nothing but pain. This desert leaves her with a sense of hope.
The subtle shift in the Force tells her that he's near. Soon, she hears the sound of a Tie Silencer behind her. She turns just as the ship touches down a fair distance away.
Anticipation floods her system, excitement and nerves warring with one another. She can't quite tell how much of it is from herself and how much is coming from him. She can't even see him yet and already the bond between them is humming.
The hatch to the Silencer opens and Rey feels the corners of her mouth turn up. From her spot in the shade, she sees Ben step out of his ship and look around. She feels, more than sees, when his eyes land on her and she moves a few steps forward, drawn like a magnet towards him.
She watches as he strides to her, a slight breeze rustling through his hair, his cape flowing behind him. She has to roll her eyes just a little bit, because of course he'd still wear all black with a cape in the blazing hot desert. At least he seems to have ditched the gloves for now. He looks every bit the lost Alderaanian Prince that he is and Rey feels her breath catch in her throat at the small smile that brightens his face the closer he gets.
When she can wait no longer, she quickly closes the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his neck. He winds his arms around her, lifting her up and spinning her around. She holds on tighter and lets out a little laugh.
Ben lowers her to the ground, but neither of them let go yet. She feels his lips brush against her neck, down to her shoulder. If the bond was humming before, it's singing now. They both tremble a bit in its intensity, tightening their grip on one another.
Rey feels tears prickle at her eyes, but this time there is no hurt accompanied by them. More an overwhelming sense of relief that they are together, like this is how the Force intended it to be.
She loosens her arms and leans back just enough to look him in the eyes, her hands on either side of his neck. He clutches her waist and turns his head into her palm, pressing his lips against her skin.
For the first time in a very long time, he feels content. He doesn't dare to label the feeling as happy, at least not yet. Having her here physically in his arms instead of through their bond is so much better than he had imagined. There are so many things they need to discuss, but for the moment he'll allow himself this.
Ben feels her weave her fingers into his hair at the back of his neck and he presses his forehead against hers.
“Where do we go from here?” She whispers after a moment.
A planet with green hills and big, blue lakes comes to mind. His advisors can handle Hux for a few days.
“I think I know a place.”