Chapter Text
Hyunjin managed to stumble his way out of the lecture hall, hopefully without disturbing the class too much, and out of the door. He’d sat at the end of the row for this very reason but he’d hoped to last longer than ten minutes into the lecture. He really couldn’t afford to miss any more class.
“Innie,” Hyunjin called out miserably when he got a little down the corridor and sunk to a crouch. “Innie.”
A cool hand slipped into his and the voices in his head finally stopped echoing Seungmin’s name. Hyunjin breathed a sigh of relief. Even after weeks, the angels’ messages never really left his head. When it was very quiet he heard the whole message, not always in the right order, but the words that stuck the most were ‘Seungmin’ and ‘sorry’. They took over his thoughts unless he was really busy, had music drowning them out, or when Jeongin held his hand. Jeongin said the voices might never go away because humans weren’t supposed to hear angels like that, and certainly not so many at once. He said it drove people insane. Hyunjin could believe it.
“You left your bag behind,” Jeongin said, unbothered by Hyunjin’s debilitated state.
“I’ll get it when class is over,” Hyunjin replied. He adjusted his grip on Jeongin’s hand and moved to sit against the wall. “I can’t do this, Innie. I’m going to have to drop out.”
“You’re not dropping out,” Jeongin said sternly. “Do you want all of Minnie’s hard work getting you here to go to waste?”
“No,” Hyunjin choked, holding back tears. He couldn’t cry about this again. He couldn’t. If he started crying then Jeongin would start crying and they’d be a whole mess again. They didn’t have time to keep crying about it.
“What are you going to do then?” Jeongin asked. Hyunjin knew that was just how angels were supposed to help- encourage humans to solve their own problems- but he’d grown used to Seungmin’s bossy style and he just desperately wanted someone else to make the decisions and assure him it would all be alright.
“Cry,” Hyunjin answered. He could practically feel Jeongin’s eye roll as he sighed exasperatedly.
“That is not a solution.”
“I didn’t say it was,” Hyunjin argued. “I said it’s what I’m going to do.”
“Get up,” Jeongin said. “Get up or I let go of your hand.”
“Well, I’ll definitely not get up then,” Hyunjin grumbled but he stood.
“We’re going to a vending machine,” Jeongin told him. “And you’re getting me a coke zero.”
“How is that helping me?” Hyunjin asked but he led the way. Jeongin liked crowds even less than Seungmin and he hadn’t mastered isolating his wings like Seungmin had so he was either entirely visible and tangible, or not. When he was holding Hyunjin’s hand in public he had to be invisible and so Hyunjin had no choice but to stay away from the popular places on campus so Jeongin had less chance of people walking through him. Hyunjin disliked seeing that probably as much as Jeongin disliked feeling it so on campus the rarely-used vending machines were the only source of nourishment they could get, not that Jeongin needed it. He liked coke zero though (and maintained that it definitely tasted different from regular coke) and Hyunjin would buy him one for the trouble he put him through. He should probably get something for himself too because the stress of going to his lecture had burnt through any energy he had.
By the time the sugar had stopped his hands from shaking Hyunjin’s lecture was over. He couldn’t find it in himself to care. He very much doubted he would have been able to recall anything said had he been there. His bag had spent the entire hour in the lecture hall though and he needed to collect it before the next class went in.
“Hold my hand?” Hyunjin asked Jeongin shyly as he stood to go back and the voices got louder again. Jeongin rolled his eyes but slapped their palms together and squeezed Hyunjin’s hand tight.
“I’m not going to say no. It’s my job to help you.”
“I don’t want to make you,” Hyunjin mumbled. He always felt guilty these days, especially since his condition was a constant reminder of Jeongin’s lost friend.
“Hyunjin, I’m not going to leave you in pain,” Jeongin said exasperatedly. “I know I’m not as warm and fuzzy as Seungmin was-”
“-is-” Hyunjin interjected.
“What?”
“Is. Seungmin is. He’s not dead.”
“Hyunjin…” Jeongin said with that horrible pitying tone. Hyunjin ignored him and walked them faster back to the lecture hall. He heard enough voices telling him Seungmin wasn’t there every day, he didn’t need another one. He pushed open the door to the hall, intending to dart up the stairs, snag his bag, and book it, but his professor was still at the podium and looked up as he entered.
“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin said quickly, coming to a stop and bending in a deep bow. Professor Yoo was genuinely one of his favourite lecturers and he enjoyed her course content so he felt overwhelming shame for missing so many and then disturbing the lecture as he left today.
“Hyunjin!” Professor Yoo said in surprise, stepping down to meet him and nudge him back to standing. “Are you alright? It’s not like you to miss class and you left in such a rush today.”
“Yes, um,” Hyunjin said, all his thoughts tumbling together. “Sorry. I- A few weeks ago.. I- I lost my an- my best friend and uhh..” He hadn’t expected to get emotional. He’d not actually told anyone yet as Jeongin did all the explaining to his friends that knew Seungmin. Tears pricked in the corners of his eyes as his professor looked at him in such a sympathetic mothering way. He missed his own mother and the way she had always been able to solve any problem for him. This was the first major problem he had had to face alone.
“I can’t,” he whispered brokenly as the tears started to roll down his face. “I can’t stop thinking about-” about his smile, his laugh, his hugs, his face when he was scared. Jeongin squeezed his hand tighter, grounding him, but he couldn’t do much more than that with another human around.
“Oh sweetie,” Professor Yoo said, reaching out to rub Hyunjin’s back soothingly. “Shh, shh. You don’t have to tell me. The university has a bereavement policy,” she offered. “You don’t have to keep coming to class. Take some time off and heal.”
“But my exams,” Hyunjin sniffed. He’d promised Jeongin and himself that he’d do well in school for Seungmin. He had to make Seungmin proud of him.
“You can be exempt,” Professor Yoo assured him. “In this class certainly you’ve submitted enough course work so far this year and I can speak to your other professors as to whether your final grade can be calculated from what you have submitted so far. What is your degree? Sports Engineering?”
Hyunjin shook his head. “Prod- Prod Design.” He’d nearly taken Sports Engineering but in the end he couldn’t decide and had gone with the broader course.
“Professor Han?” Professor Yoo said to herself, naming Hyunjin’s course coordinator. Hyunjin wiped away his tears and nodded. “Ok, I’ll email him,” she assured him. “I’ll organise it all for you and send you an email to let you know when everything is finalised. Is that alright?”
Hyunjin nodded. The thought of not having to face class was a huge relief.
“Do you have a friend that can come pick you up?” his professor asked next. “You shouldn’t be alone in this state.”
I’m never alone,” Hyunjin thought. Even now Jeongin was still holding his hand, keeping the voices at bay. “I’m ok,” Hyunjin lied. “I can go home on my own.”
His professor looked conflicted, like she was considering taking him home herself. Hyunjin knew he looked rough. He’d seen his bloodshot eyes in the mirror often enough the last few weeks and he hadn’t found the energy to even walk like he used to, let alone fix his hair or clothes.
“I can call my flatmate,” Hyunjin offered instead. Jisung knew he was braving the outside world today and had said he would drop everything to come if Hyunjin needed him.
“Yes, do that,” Professor Yoo said, the relief that Hyunjin would be someone else’s problem clear on her face. “Are they on campus? I have a tutorial starting now and I can stay with you-”
“Go,” Hyunjin told her with a weak smile. He’d stopped crying and hopefully looked a little less close to a breakdown. “I’m ok.”
“You’re sure?” Professor Yoo asked, fiddling nervously with the strap of her bag. She was probably already late to that tutorial.
“I’m sure,” Hyunjin said. He held up his phone. “I’ll text Jisung now, he’ll be just a few minutes.”
“Alright, if you’re sure,” she pulled away and took half a step towards the door, still hesitant to leave him.
Hyunjin walked to the nearest seat and sat down, forcing Jeongin into the row before him with their joined hands. “I’ll wait right here,” he assured his Professor. “Hurry, before you’re late.”
“I’ll send those emails and get back to you,” Professor Yoo promised as she stepped out the door. “Rest well, Hyunjin.”
“I will,” Hyunjin said. As soon as she was out of sight he let the smile drop off his face and tipped his head back onto the desk behind him. “I want a nap,” he told Jeongin.
“If you nap here I will slap you,” Jeongin threatened.