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“I…I’m sorry…” Jonathan mumbles underneath the sheets as he stares at Evan’s face, lying down beside him with those emotionless eyes. He can't go on with this kind of relationship anymore. He is tired, and disheartened about it, knowing that Evan won't love him as much as he loves the other one.
Evan has always been like this-- impassive. He is a guy with no emotions. He is like a rock. And as far as his memory can take him, the taller man never found the time to take him out to dates after they decided to live in an apartment together. He is... a boring lover, he must admit, and sometimes he can only think of avoiding him. But he knows he can't. He loves him. But this guy…he isn't sure of that. Probably, Evan just agreed to living with him for him to shut up. After all, he was the one who forced him to be in a relationship with him. Nevertheless, it wasn't his fault.
That’s just how he showed his love. Yet Evan didn't even appreciate it.
Jonathan has been aware that his lover is a workaholic; sometimes he can be neglected, be shooed away, but he understands it all. Because that’s how love works-- his love works.
Now, they are both lying down in bed, just had sex, and then went back to the normal situation again.
They aren't the normal lovers, Jonathan is pretty sure of that. They are like strangers. They would be like talking to each other only if Evan asks something, then he answers. He is confused. He wants Evan to appreciate everything that he does. Somehow, his heart breaks whenever Evan goes home, greets him with a slight smile, eats dinner, and sleeps. He wants a bubbly greeting. Like what he sees in the movies.
A happy greeting; a kiss; eating dinner together; washing the dishes together; showering together; playing for awhile in bed; then sleeping, while sharing a hug.
However, those fantasies of him probably won’t come true. He is such a hopeless romantic.
“Sorry for what?” Evan asks and slowly gets up from the bed, turning on the lamp and glancing at him. He gulps and can’t look at him in the eyes. He wants to end it.
No need to be hesitant, he thinks.
“I…This isn't working, is it?” he softly asks back, keeping the sheets down, and he can hear his own voice; quivering.
“What is not working, Jonathan?”
“This…this relationship…”
“What do you mean it is not working?”
Jonathan bites his lower lip and closes his eyes. He can’t go on. He is scared and nervous at the same time. He does’t want to lose him. He just can’t live life without the other one. Apparently, he considers him as the air he breathes. So if he breaks up with him, that would mean losing his life too.
No. He shouldn't continue. He should just be patient and wait for Evan to be the worthy man he has chosen to be with forever.
Yeah, that would work. After all, he is gifted with patience.
“Nothing. Good night…” he whispers. And he swears he can hear Evan’s heavy sigh. Maybe, just maybe, the latter would notice everything.
The next week went by much the same as the previous. At least Jonathan thought so. Evan, however, began to really take note of his lover's withdrawn state. The look in Jonathan's eyes when they had sex was empty and distant. It was like he had checked out. Evan knew that he had been working more than the usual and that he hadn't really been giving 100% to the relationship. But he knew how much Jonathan loved him. He just assumed that it would be enough. He realized that he had taken everything for granted. Evan felt like a fool. He wasn't sure what to do to bring the life back to his lover's eyes, but he'd resolve to try everything.
He had noticed that on many nights when he would come home late, Jonathan would be fast asleep on the couch; the credits of some romance movie scrolling on the TV. Evan wondered if maybe that sort of thing is what the other one wanted.
Jonathan woke up early in the morning to the smell of something delicious. He popped upright in the bed and sniffed the air; looking like a puppy. He looked at Evan's side of the bed and noticed that it was empty as usual. He didn't take the time to be upset, instead opting to investigate the beckoning smell. He walked slowly into the kitchen, sleep still coloring his movements. He nearly had a heart attack when he saw Evan, bent over the stove, cooking breakfast. He quickly looked at the clock. Nine am.
"W-What are you doing?! Aren't you late for work??" Jonathan sputtered out frantically.
Evan just gave him a sly grin and came over to wrap the older boy into a warm embrace. Jonathan was still bewildered but allowed himself to return the gesture.
Evan kissed the top of Jonathan's head and then went back to the stove. The older boy continued to stare in confused fascination as his lover finished making his beef stew. The taller boy set the table and motioned him over; pulling the chair out for him.
The older boy blinked dumbly as he stared at his lover. Evan still wore that same grin, and Jonathan began to wonder if aliens had re-programmed him.
"Aren't you hungry?" Evan questioned tentatively, noting that Jonathan hadn't touched his food.
"I- - what?" he responded in a daze.
"You're not eating. Are you sick?" Evan moved to check the other's temperature. "You don't seem to have a fever..." He trailed off with a frown.
"What is this?"
"Um, breakfast? You know, that thing you have in the morning because you haven't eaten in eight hours. Food." Evan replied with a furrowed brow and a slight giggle.
"I know that." Jonathan pouted indignantly. "I mean why are you here? Don't you have to go to work?"
The younger boy picked up his chopsticks slowly and began to take small bites.
"I live here. Am I not allowed to make breakfast for the one that I love? As for work, I took off. They can live without me for one day."
Jonathan dropped his utensils with a loud clatter. "Took off? Are YOU sick?"
Evan let out a loud laugh. "No. I just realized that I had something more important to do today."
He stared at his lover; a million questions reflected in his eyes.
"Spend the day with you, stupid." Evan prompted as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
And it really should have been the obvious answer. Jonathan was just so resigned to the fact that things like this wouldn't happen for him. He felt a clenching in his chest, and his eyes burned with the beginnings of tears. Evan noticed the change in Jonathan's demeanor and immediately came to his side.
"Baby, what's wrong? Please talk to me. I didn't mean to upset you. I know I haven't really been here for you lately and I'm sorry. Please, just talk to me."
Jonathan looked up at his lover with glassy eyes. He could see the sincerity in his eyes; true concern written on the younger boy's face. He felt a sudden flutter in his heart, causing him to surge up and capture his lips.
Evan was caught off guard for a second but quickly began to respond to the delicious mouth that was melding against his. He grabbed his lover by the waist and picked him up. Their tongues began to tangle as Evan carried Jonathan back to the bedroom.
The sex wasn't rushed or rough. It was all gentle touches and sinful pleasure that had each of them panting each other's names like prayers. When it was over, they lay wrapped up in each other's limbs; sweaty and sated.
Evan carded a hand through Jonathan's slightly damp locks.
"Mmm, it's nice to have you here."
"I could say the same for you." Jonathan stated pointedly.
"Yeah." Evan nodded as he nuzzled along his neck. "I'm sorry about that. And I'm sorry it took me so long to notice how it was affecting you. You were right. It wasn't working, but that's because we weren't trying. I wasn't here for you, and you didn't want to tell me."
"Sorry, Evan." The older boy sniffed.
"Let's promise each other that we won't let this happen again, alright?"
"Morning sex?" Jonathan giggled.
"Hey! You know what I mean." Evan punctuated with a playful bite to the his collarbone.
Jonathan halfway moaned out a squeal. "Yes. I know. I promise."
"Me too." The younger boy gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "Now let's go take a shower."
Evan got up, butt naked, and walked to the bathroom.
"Can we go for a walk in the park after?" Jonathan hedged, cuteness on full blast.
Evan smirked from the door frame. "Only if you let me hold your hand the whole time."
He gave a fervent nod and hopped out of the bed to rush after his lover. It seemed like all the uncertainty and pain had just melted away effortlessly. Apparently his faith in Evan wasn't misplaced.
~fin~