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Looking back on it, Regulus thought, falling in love with James Potter was inevitable. It's a sort of comfort to him, now as he took his last breaths, that he would love James for as long as he was alive.

He felt as if he were floating. He could vaguely hear Kreacher's cries, and he could have sworn he heard someone say James' name. Maybe it was him. 

He'd be alright with that — if James was the last thing from his lips.

With that last thought on his mind, he was consumed by darkness, and an odd sense of peace. 

Dying really was akin to falling asleep. 

—

Except, it turns out, he actually just fell asleep. When Regulus wakes up, his first thought is Why? and his next thought, as he takes in his surroundings, is where the hell am I? 

The room is lovely; decorated in warm tones of creams and pinks, sunlight peeking through the closed curtains, a small lamp at his bedside casting a soft glow throughout the place. 

The next thing he registers is the pain that spreads through his body when he tries to move. Merlin , his brain rambles, Merlin and Circe what the ever living hell was that feeling.

This isn't right, he was supposed to die. He was prepared to die. But instead here he is, although in all honesty he has no idea where here is, alive and— 

His thought process is cut off by a far more important one. Adara . 

Regulus stifles a gasp and a sharp pain scratches his lungs. He needs to know where she is, right now, before he gets up in spite of the fact that he can barely feel anything but a burning sensation in his… well, his entire fucking body . 

The door clicks open. 

Regulus reaches for a wand that isn't there, a flare of pain shooting up his arm at the action as terror washes over him. 

"Regulus?" The soft voice asks, and Regulus recognises it immediately, "You're awake… Oh, God, you're actually…" 

"Evans," Regulus chokes out, and his voice sounds foreign even to his own ears, "I'm… What's happening?" 

Lily Evans— or Potter now, he supposes—is at his side in seconds, her wand moving in swift motions as she mutters spells that Regulus vaguely recognises from previous visits to St. Mungo's. 

"We thought you wouldn't make it," Lily says softly, her eyes falling on Regulus's face. He always found her somewhat intimidating, with fierce ambition in her eyes and a no-bullshit policy. Honestly, Regulus can't even fault James for falling in love with her.

"I thought the same," he manages finally, his lungs burning with every breath he takes, "Is Adara okay?" 

She smiles at the mention of the baby girl. "She's a perfect baby, honestly. Wouldn't have thought she had Black genes. She's with James right now. They've taken quite a liking to each other." 

"What happened?" he asks, wincing when he tries to move.

Lily's eyes widen and she quickly rushes to the cupboard at the front of the room and returns to his side with a vial in her hand. "Pain potion, here let me help you. Right, um, we don't know the details exactly, but you've been comatose for almost three months." His eyes widen; it feels like less than three days. "Kreacher showed up at our doorstep completely frantic, with you passed out. He told us about— the cave." She waits as if she wants an explanation. 

"I had to do it," is all he offers to her.

She nods slowly, brushing her hair behind her ears, and the gesture sort of reminds him of Sirius— Merlin, Sirius , Regulus will ask after him when Lily finishes. "He said you called for James, just before you passed out, so he brought you here. We gave the locket to Dumbledore and he realised what it was."

"A Horcrux," he fills in. 

"Yeah, a Horcrux. Dumbedore found out that he made multiple. The Order is currently looking for the rest of them. Regulus, you know you may have just saved the whole bloody Wizarding World, right?" She looks at him with so much earnest gratitude that he honestly wishes it were true.

He lets out a laugh and immediately regrets it; pain potions didn't usually take effect immediately and this one clearly isn't any different. "I was a Death Eater, Evans— or Potter, I suppose." 

Her lips quirk up on one side. "Evans is fine." 

"Evans," he repeats, having to break their eye contact, "I did one thing; I hardly think that makes up for everything else." 

"Like what?" She has a frown on her face now, and Regulus has to admit that she looks better when she smiles. "You were a kid."

"I killed people," he says bluntly, "Because I was too afraid to leave. Too afraid to do anything but what others told me. Sirius was a kid too. I could've never been what he was." 

"It's war, everyone killed people," she responds easily, and her voice is so quiet that Regulus fears he'll have to deal with her emotions , Merlin, "He's been getting stronger and stronger, and more people are fleeing the country and it's been so hard to hold onto hope for the future." 

"Yeah, well, my reasons were entirely selfish," he argues, not exactly knowing why he is doing so; she's complimenting him, for Merlin's sake. 

"Love is not selfish, Black." 

He closes his eyes and bites his tongue to stop himself from arguing further. 

She offers him a smile again, and he can't tell if it is pitying or comforting. Either way, he hates it. He doesn't need anyone to feel sorry for him, much less the wife of the man he loves. 

"Can I see my daughter now?" He asks sharply, internally wincing at his own tone. He sounded like his mother. He shivers at the thought. 

"Right." Lily gets up from the edge of the bed. "Of course." 

When the door clicks open again, Regulus's breath catches in his throat. His heart beats so hard against his ribs, he worries it may be visible. 

He swallows back a sob and reaches his arms out for his daughter, so much bigger than the last time he saw her. He recalls the memory of himself showing up at his big brother's house, begging him to take care of his child. He remembers, even now, the distraught look on Sirius's face when he implied that he may not return. 

Sirius agreed to keep Adara so readily, not a moment of hesitation. Regulus always envied his brother for the way he took things with stride and put others' burdens on his shoulders as if they belonged there.

Now, the only thing Regulus feels is a deep gratitude and a sense of longing. To be that or to receive that, he isn't really sure.

At the time, he left her in hopes that she would be raised in a home of love with her uncle and his partner. He was fully prepared then, to sacrifice himself in an attempt to better her life. 

Looking at her now, he can't imagine giving her up at all. 

And then there is James. James, who Regulus can barely look at, who was watching over his daughter, who is looking at him with so many emotions in those eyes, Merlin, those eyes . It makes Regulus want to cry right there. He swallows down the lump in his throat and pretends the man is not there, with his messy hair and soft eyes and oh Gods — 

"Baba!" Adara cries out, pulling all of Regulus's focus to her, "Baba wake!" 

"I'm here, habibti," he whispers, his lips pressing gently to her forehead, "I won't leave you ever again, hayati, I promise. I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry." 

"Baba," she repeats in her limited vocabulary, her small hand curling around his finger. It is then that he lets out a small sob, a tear falling from his eye. 

Regulus cradles his child close to his chest despite the pain it ignites in his body. He doesn't care, he needs her close right now. 

"How are you feeling?" James asks tentatively, standing a fair distance away from Regulus. He looks like he has a thousand things to say and Regulus can tell he's trying not to blurt them out.

"I'm alright," he lies, eyes flitting back to his daughter. He can't make himself hold eye contact with James, he isn't in any state to keep his facade strong enough. James has always been good at reading people, and Regulus doesn't want that right now. 

"We were really worried," he says quietly, as if afraid his voice would give out. When Regulus works up the courage to glance at him, he realises that maybe he really is. "All of us, Sirius, Lily, even Remus. And me. Lily said you might not make it." 

"Well, here I am," he tries to sound cheerful, but it is blatantly obvious how he fails when James flinches, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you all." 

"You meant to die, right?" James says harshly, always so quick to anger, "Like that's any bloody better." 

"I don't see why it bothers you so much," Regulus says thoughtlessly, and immediately regrets the words when they slip off his tongue. 

James looks at him for a moment. He swallows hard and his eyes burn with anger. Then he turns and walks out of the room, the door slamming loudly behind him. 

This wouldn't have happened if I was dead, Regulus thinks and guilt floods him when he looks down at Adara. Her grey eyes, a mirror image of his older brother's, blink up at him. Her dark hair grew quite a bit since he last saw her and he can't help but smile as he runs his fingers through the locks. 

Regulus has no idea what he is supposed to do now. Where is he supposed to go? He can't go back to his flat, not when he was at risk of being found by Death Eaters. He can't go back to Grimmauld, not with his parents still there. Everyone would know now, what he did, and a young, naive part of him dreads his parents' reactions to his betrayal.

He can imagine it now, the words they would throw at him. Blood traitor, disgrace, unworthy, a half-witted muggle sympathiser. His memories pull him back to the day when Sirius was blasted off the Black Family Tree three years ago and he imagines himself in his sibling's place. He shudders at the thought.

He loses himself in his thoughts and when his arms begin to ache, Lily returns to the room and takes Adara from him. The baby fusses for a few moments before settling in Lily's arms. She brings him a light soup and two terrible tasting potions and he thanks her quietly. 

Nobody is around when he heaves up his stomach's contents into the toilet in the middle of the night. 

—

The last time Regulus Black saw James Potter, everything was going to shit. Regulus remembers it as if it were yesterday. 

He remembers the way James pleaded with him, asking him to walk away from his parents, from his home, from the dark side. 

He thinks back to it bitterly, bile rising up his throat despite the fact that his stomach has already been emptied too many times over for it to have anything left.

"I can't , James, don't you see?" He responded, his sixteen-year-old self trembling with fear and resentment, "I'm not my brother."

"I know you're not, Reggie." James tangled their fingers together, brought the younger's hand up to press a kiss to the back. "I don't want you to be Sirius. I also know that this isn't who you are, I know you don't want this." 

"It doesn't matter what I want," he whispered, their eyes locking together and an understanding passed through them, the knowledge that he was talking about more than just the war, "I'm sorry, James, I really am."

"Reg…" Regulus pulled his hand free and stepped back, putting space between the two of them. "Regulus, I love you." 

Regulus remembers crying then, remembers how his vision blurred when he walked away from James after murmuring, "I'm sorry."

It is simultaneously one of Regulus's best and worst memories to date. It was the first time James spoke his feelings for Regulus aloud, and Regulus once yearned to hear those words from his lips. Walking away from James that day would always be one of his greatest regrets. 

Regulus sighs and casts a Tempus . It is nearing 3am and he hasn't caught a wink of sleep, his stomach churning with a mix of hunger and guilt. He can't get James' expression from earlier out of his head. 

After what feels like hours and hours of tossing and turning, Regulus finally manages to drift off into a light sleep. 

That is, until his big brother comes barging into the room with absolutely no sense of composure.

Regulus honestly wasn't prepared to see Sirius just yet, but Sirius isn't giving him much of a choice. Before he can even be upset at being woken up, his big brother has his arms around him, his dark curls tickling his nose and his face buried in the crook of Regulus's neck. 

And somehow, just like that, the exhaustion, anger, frustration, guilt and pain that Regulus was feeling melts away entirely for those moments. 

"You absolute arsehole," Sirius says, trying to sound angry but the shake in his voice gives him away, "If you ever pull something like that again I will kill you myself." 

"Sorry, Sirius," he whispers, trying his hardest not to cry again. 

Sirius beats him to it though, and Regulus only notices when he feels the shirt he is wearing (whose clothes are these anyway?) become damp and Sirius's shoulders shaking slightly. 

"Stop crying, it makes you look ugly," Regulus says, but there is no heat to his words. Sirius sputters and laughs wetly. 

"You look just like me," he counters.

"Yeah except I'm a pretty crier." 

Silence settles over them for a moment. 

"I'm really sorry for scaring you, Sirius."

"I thought I lost you," he chokes out, tightening his arms around Regulus's torso — Regulus ignores the pain that followed, "I thought I failed you. It's all my fault, I should've tried harder to get you out of there. I'm sorry for leaving you." 

Regulus feels his heart clench and the tears gathered in his eyes spill over. He gently pushes on Sirius's shoulders so he can look at his brother. Regulus smiles sadly and shakes his head. 

He was always so jealous of Sirius growing up; the way he effortlessly made people smile, the way he gave parts of himself to the people he loved, the way he filled up every corner of every room he occupied. But looking at Sirius here and now, he doesn't feel any of that resentment, just the leftover longing to be one of those people Sirius loves like he breathes.

"The choices I made are not your fault, Sirius," Regulus says in earnest, "Yes, they were stupid choices, and no, I didn't know better then, but they were my mistakes to make. You aren't to blame for that." 

Sirius looks like he doesn't believe him, but he doesn't argue. Regulus sees his nails picking at the skin of his fingers, a habit he formed when he was anxious; Regulus knows that habit all too well from countless days watching him across the Great Hall. He places his hand over the other's. 

"Sirius," he says, his voice gentler than he ever heard it, "We can't change the past now. Maybe we both have regrets but we can only move forward now."

Sirius smiles at that, even though it doesn't exactly reach his eyes. "When did you get so wise, little brother?" 

"Maybe somewhere between joining a blood supremacist cult led by a homicidal maniac and having to raise a baby on my own, I grew up a bit," he drawls dryly and Sirius laughs heartily at that. 

"Speaking of raising a baby," Sirius says once he sobers up, "Adara is an absolute angel." 

"She is, isn't she?" He smiles almost sadly. "I'm sorry for… you know. Leaving her with you like that. I just… I wanted her to grow up in a good home, loved and cared for. I didn't want her to go through the shit we did." 

"There's a lot of shit you have to apologise for, like trying to get yourself killed, but leaving Adara here is not one of them," he says, more resolutely than Regulus ever saw him, "I love her, and even though I wasn't ready to raise a child, I was prepared to do anything possible for her." 

"I can't thank you enough. She's really my whole world." 

"Why were you okay with leaving her with me?" Sirius blurts out as if the question was trapped inside him for too long, "You know me and Remus are—"

"Arse over tits in love?" Regulus snorts, "Yeah, I think everyone knew even before you did. Are you asking because you're both men? Or because he's a werewolf?" 

Sirius frowns. "Firstly, I'm not even going to bother asking how you know about Moony." Regulus rolls his eyes, they called him Moony , for Merlin's sake, it doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Sirius looks hesitant to continue speaking which makes Regulus raise his eyebrows. "Secondly, I'm not—well, I'm not a-a man , exactly…"

Oh . Regulus's eyes widen. That's why Sirius seems so nervous. "Okay," he says quickly, trying to make his voice as gentle as possible, "Um, what pronouns do you prefer then?" 

Sirius's eyes shoot to him immediately. "What?" 

"Your pronouns?" He repeats, "The way people refer to you by?" 

"I know what pronouns are— but you're… just like that? You're okay with it?" The vulnerability in his sibling's eyes makes him once again feel a deep loathing for their parents. 

Regulus gives a nonchalant shrug. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Sirius doesn't reply for a moment. "Um. I like any pronouns I guess. She, he, they. I suppose I like them used interchangeably." 

"Okay," he responds, nodding thoughtfully, "And gendered terms? Like would you prefer being called my brother or sibling or…?" 

She took a second to think about it. "Maybe… brother is alright. I think I'll always think of myself as your big brother. Sibling is okay too. And I wouldn't mind being called, um, s-sister sometimes." 

Regulus gives them an encouraging smile. "Okay," he says again, "Just let me know if there's anything you're uncomfortable with." 

Sirius looks like he is about to cry. "Thanks, Reg." 

"I know I haven't been the best brother before but I swear I don't actually believe the bullshit Mum and Dad taught us growing up." He pauses for a second. "Maybe I did at some point but I've learned a lot since then." 

"It's not just them," Sirius says bitterly, "There's so many… good people, you know, so many people I thought were lovely who turned out to be complete dickheads. I've honestly come to expect hostility at this point. It's bad enough that I'm dating a man, but Merlin forbid that I discover my birth gender is bullshit to me." 

"Like who?" Regulus asks with a deep frown. 

"Um," He hesitates, curling his bottom lip between his teeth, "You know the Prewetts? or the Weasleys? Mum always called them filthy blood traitors," she laughs humorlessly, "They're part of the Order. Molly Weasley makes it a point to ignore the fact that me and Rem are together, saying we should find some nice girls to settle down with now that we're adults. Other Order members too. It's not an uncommon belief."

He scrunches his nose in distaste. "A lot of old pureblood families are like that, even the ones who don't support the Dark Lord. It's all so unfounded, magical bonds were common between same-sex couples centuries ago and that was seen as stronger than marriage." 

"You seem to be very… well-versed in the topic," she says, carefully considering her words. 

Regulus shrugs. "I guess I wanted to be more informed about the whole community and such when I came to realise that I was queer." He says it casually even though it's a fairly big deal for him. He never formally came out to anyone. "I didn't want to say anything wrong or use words or slurs I was uneducated about." 

The words like I did before go unspoken but understanding passes between them and Regulus knows Sirius gets it. 

Sirius asks him about his identity and he takes a moment to respond. "Um, I guess I don't really use any labels. Don't care much about the gender of people I'm attracted to though."

"Ever told anyone before?" She asks curiously. 

"No," he responds as his cheeks grow hot,  "Never really had anyone to confide in with this type of stuff." 

Sirius looks regretful but he doesn't comment on it which Regulus appreciates. "Anybody you fancied at school?" The teasing tone makes Regulus's blush deepen.

It occurs to Regulus, suddenly, that James never told Sirius about all that happened between them, else Sirius would have known his orientation. Regulus doesn't know whether to be upset or thankful — was it not important enough for James to have told his best friend? Or did he just respect Regulus's privacy enough to know he wouldn't have wanted Sirius to know?

"Who?" Sirius asks excitedly, "Merlin, you look so embarrassed, it can't have been that bad. Unless it was Snivellus, please tell me you have better taste than that ." 

Regulus frowns. "Of course I didn't fancy Snape , what the fuck, Sirius."

Sirius smiles lopsidedly. "Good then. A Gryffindor maybe." She gasps dramatically. "Did you fancy a Gryffindor , little brother?" 

Merlin, this is humiliating. Regulus doesn't know whether he should tell Sirius about his crush or not. On one hand, it would be nice to talk about it but on the other, Sirius is James' best fucking friend. He is closer to James than Regulus ever dreamed to be. 

He doesn't realise his silence runs on for too long; the look Sirius gives him makes him want to punch his brother. 

"I wasn't being serious ," he says, wide eyed. 

"You're always Sirius," Regulus deadpans.

"Har har," she responds, "Anyway, I can't believe it. It's alright y'know, so long as you didn't fancy my Moony." 

The younger cracks up at that. "No, Sirius, I never fancied your boyfriend, never fear." 

"Why not?" Sirius makes a noise of indignation. "He's a catch." 

Regulus scoffs at his sibling for the utter idiocy. "I'm sure he is, Sirius, but you were very clearly in love with him since second year." 

Sirius grumbles. "How would you know?" 

"Hey, we may have not spoken much back then but we did grow up together," his tone is light, no hidden snark or bitterness, "Besides, you're really an open book. Can't believe you didn't get your shit together till your sixth year." 

She chokes out a laugh, throwing her head back and letting her giggles fill her whole body. "Merlin, I've missed you." 

And when Sirius looks at him with those eyes of hers, filled with warmth, the same look Regulus knew from when she looks to James, Regulus's heart tightens in his chest. 

Maybe, he thinks to himself, maybe I could be one of those people that Sirius loves with every breath he takes.

—

When Regulus first leaves the room, he has to be supported by Sirius. Their arm is slung around his waist and his is hung around their shoulder. Sirius was always taller than him growing up but around Regulus's fourth year, he carried on growing while Sirius stopped. Now, Regulus has a good 12 centimetres on his older brother. 

"Feeling okay?" Sirius asks as they take the stairs together, slowly, each step causing a small flare of pain up Regulus's legs. 

"Yeah," he says through clenched teeth, "Alright." 

"I'm sorry," she says, nose scrunching in her distaste, "I know it sucks right now but your body needs to recover and the only way is for you to actually get up and be active." 

"I know, it's really alright." He squeezes Sirius's shoulder. "It's just… taking longer than I expected."

He snorts. "You've been awake for a week, I don't know what you're on about, longer than I expected . Git." 

"I don't sound like that," Regulus protests weakly, letting go of Sirius to sit himself on the couch in the living room. "Where's, um, everyone?" 

Sirius brushes a hand through his frizzy locks. Merlin knows why he does that when he knows it makes his hair stand. "Lily's upstairs, she'll be down soon I'm sure. Prongs is on a mission with Frank Longbottom."

Regulus feels his heart stutter. "You seem worried." 

"I'm always bloody worried," he spits out, eyebrows furrowing deeply, "Never fucking know whose name is gonna be next in the list of deceased. And James is a reckless, self-sacrificing idiot . Every time he walks out that door without me, I sit here like a fucking house elf waiting for my master to come home. I'm worse than Lily and she's his wife, for Merlin's sake." 

Regulus doesn't think it'd do any good to point out that Sirius is also a reckless, self-sacrificing idiot. His sibling is clearly going through something. 

"And don't even get me started on Moony. Dumbledore's got him going out on all these dangerous missions just because he's a fucking werewolf. And when he comes home all roughed up, it kills me. Wormtail also—"

"Hold up," Regulus cuts in, " Pettigrew ?" 

Sirius frowns. "Yes?" 

"But—Pettigrew defected," he says, a pit of horror growing in his stomach. What is this? 

"The hell are you on about?" He asks, his face turning worryingly pale, "This isn't a fucking joke, Reg." 

"Why would I bloody well joke about something like that?" He stands up, the adrenaline giving his body a false sense of strength. "Peter Pettigrew joined the Death Eaters a few months ago—I thought you all knew ." 

"Peter's part of the Order," Sirius says slowly, "There's no way he's a Death Eater. He wouldn't do that to us, he wouldn't ." 

"He did, and if he's part of the Order then he must be spying for the Dark Lord," Regulus says confidently but his mouth feels dry and his head suddenly aches, "He has the Dark Mark, Sirius, and the Dark Lord is a skilled Legilimens, he'd know if Pettigrew was disloyal." 

"No," Sirius says firmly, but he paces back and fourth, clearly agitated, "No, fuck, it-it can't be. No way." 

He turns and walks straight out the front door. 

It seems to Regulus as if he is just pissing the Marauders off one by one. Who's next? Lupin?

Unlike James, Sirius returns to see him within three hours of leaving. He looks devastated, tear tracks clear on his face and his cheeks and nose turned red.

"You were right," he says softly, brokenly , "I went to see Dumbledore. Told him what you told me. He said he suspected that we had a spy in the Order, what with Death Eaters always so fucking prepared , but he-he thought… he thought it was Moony ." 

Regulus gulps. That must have been a terrible conversation to be a part of on Dumbledore's end, not that Regulus sympathises much with the man. 

"So, yeah, Peter's a fucking traitor." Sirius chuckles darkly. "Sweet little Peter, a Death Eater."

"Well, um, good thing you caught him before he could do any real damage?" Regulus phrases it like a question, hesitant to say the wrong thing. 

"People died because of him, Reg," Sirius says desperately, "All this bloody time, we've lost so many people because Peter was a fucking coward. I feel physically sick thinking about it." 

"I'm sorry," he says softly, not knowing how else to comfort his brother, "I'm really sorry, I know he was a close friend of yours." 

"I… I didn't love him the way I love Remus and James," Sirius confesses quietly and Regulus looks down to see the skin on her thumb bleeding as she picks at it with her nail. "But he's been there with us every step since we were eleven years old. Merlin, they're going to be devastated."

"Do you want me to be there with you?" Regulus offers, even though it is the absolute last thing he wants to do, perhaps on par with going back to the Death Eaters, "For, er, moral support." 

Sirius almost laughs. Instead, he offers a weak smile. "I mean, I appreciate the sentiment but you don't have to put yourself through that."

Regulus manages to contain a sigh of relief. 

"Can I…?" Sirius holds his arms out and Regulus nods quickly, moving forward to wrap his arms tightly around Sirius's shoulders. "Thanks." 

Since he woke up, Regulus has been feeling a deep craving for physical affection. Somehow the near-death experience and the lack of love throughout his childhood left him touch-starved and Sirius has always shown his love through physical touch. It's good to be on the receiving end of that love, even if he isn't as comfortable with Regulus as he is with others.

Yet, Regulus's mind supplies hopefully.

His hold around Sirius tightens.

That evening, Regulus sits with Lily for dinner while the three other men go out to Muggle London to get themselves utterly pissed. It isn't difficult to understand how hard they are taking this, considering all they went through together.

When Regulus asks Lily why she didn't join them, she sighs and gives him a small smile. "Sometimes, they just need each other," she says, "It's… hard to explain to people what they mean to one another but I've always known. Being with James means being with James, and Sirius, and Remus, and it meant being with Peter too."

"I was never as close to Peter as they were," she continues, chewing on her thumb nail, "By the time I started hanging out with them, he seemed to be away all the time. But I cared for him. I never thought—I never would have expected him to betray them. But, somehow, I feel like I should have. Peter never really loved them the way they love one another. James and Sirius have always been inseparable, and Remus and Sirius have always been unbearably in love with each other. At some point, I wondered if the three of them were ever… more than friends." 

His lips part in surprise, eyes searching Lily's face for any hint of humour or hurt. "W-Were they?" 

Regulus can't help but wonder if he was just a poor replacement for his older brother to James. 

Lily smiles and shakes her head. "No. No, he… there was someone else. For James." 

He feels his heart stutter at her words. Did James tell her about him? Would she hate him for it? He swallows the lump in his throat and forces himself to not let it show on his face how he feels a pool of anxiety collecting in his stomach.

"I remember asking him a few months after we started dating if there was anyone he ever fancied because I never heard of him having dated anyone else, you know." She sips on her wine and clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "He never told me who he was, just that he was a he , and that he'd been in love with him." 

"Does it bother you?" Regulus asks slowly, trying to gauge her reactions. 

She looks to him and just, well, looks . He has known Lily Evans for a long time but he never really noticed how striking her features are until now. Her eyes are critical and calculating, and they stand out against the colour of her hair.

"No," she says eventually, breaking eye contact and looking down at the glass of alcohol in her hand, "It never bothered me. Loving James Potter means to accept that he has an overwhelming amount of love inside of him. And that love is not limited to myself." 

The way she speaks is quite charming, Regulus admits to himself, as if every line is carefully thought out and crafted to fascinate the listener.

The moment she looks up at him, he realises he was staring at her. He looks away too quickly, face heating with bashfulness.

She pretends not to notice and instead says, "Your hair's grown long." 

He nods and reaches up to touch the thick black locks with a slight grimace. "I suppose it has." 

"I can cut it for you, if you like," she offers, "I remember how you kept it at school. Shorter at the sides?" 

He refuses to think about the implications of her words and forces himself to answer instead. "Right. I'd like that. Thank you."

Just then, a ring of cries sounds from the baby monitor and Regulus immediately moves to get up. Lily touches his arm and shakes her head. "I'll bring her down." 

She returns moments later with Adara clutching onto her blouse, cradled close to her chest. She tries to pass the baby over to Regulus but the small hands refuse to let go.

Lily gives him an apologetic smile but he just laughs and strokes the baby's cheek with his finger. "I was wondering, actually, how she came to stay here with you two rather than with Sirius."

As she strokes Adara's back soothingly, she answers, "Well, you were here, for one. We thought it'd be best if she was close to you so she could see you and know that you were still here. But also, Remus was going on a lot of extended missions for weeks at a time, and Sirius was called out a lot too. We all decided it was best that she stay here with me and Jamie."

Regulus nods slowly. "Thank you. I can't imagine that it was easy… I didn't mean to impose this on you." 

"Don't be silly," she says easily, smiling down at the child in her arms, "Not only is she a very easy child, she's also been a beacon of light for us. It hasn't been easy these last few months. All the casualties and the desolation; it was taxing. She gave us something to look forward to, a reminder of why we were fighting in the first place."

He understands that sentiment deeply, knowing that she was the reason he was willing to risk his life in the first place. "Still… Thank you. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy." 

"The best thing you could do for your child," she says earnestly, bright eyes boring into his, "Is stay alive. She needs her father, Regulus." 

"I don't regret it," he confesses quietly, eyes trained on the rise and fall of his daughter's chest as she blinks the sleep out of her eyes, "I'd do it all over again if it meant protecting her."

Lily nods but her face is shrouded with conflict. "I get it, I do. And I think I'd have done the same in your position. Just… don't think that you're expendable. To her, or to anybody. If you're gone, there's nobody that can replace you. Not as her father, not as Sirius's brother."

The man scoffs weakly and looks away, his throat feeling clogged up. He feels his eyes water but a part of him refuses to cry in front of Lily Evans. To show weakness in front of the wife of the man he is in love with? It feels beyond pathetic. 

But Lily does not look at him with pity. She does not try to demean him for his display of emotions as he is oh so used to. She shifts the baby so that she has one arm free and uses it to place a hand to Regulus's shoulder. 

"It's a beautiful thing, to love like that. It would do you well to remember that you are loved just as much."

He silently disagrees with her but he does not argue. Perhaps one day her words will ring true but today is not that day. He has not earned a love like that but he will try, from now, to achieve a love as irrevocable and pure as he craves. 

She gives him a contemplating look as if she can read his every thought but she does not comment. She passes Adara over to her father and she goes easily this time, Lily pressing a small kiss to the crown of her head. 

"Love does not need to be deserved," she says as she parts with the two Blacks, "It is freely given and unyieldingly borne."

Later on, Regulus will come to realise that this was the moment he first felt an inkling of the love he would come to know.

In that moment, however, he does not say a word as she walks away from him; does not even acknowledge the way his heart stutters in his chest. He looks down at his daughter as if she is the only thing in the world that matters and, in that moment, she is .

— 

Watching James with Adara is both deeply gut-wrenching and profoundly heartening all at once for Regulus. It serves as a painful reminder of what he has always wanted and will never have.

But Merlin, Adara seems to adore the man as much as he himself does and it is so endearing, Regulus can barely watch them together. 

James is good with her, and somehow that makes it worse. Because he kisses her forehead and murmurs to her quiet words of comfort, he holds her as he dances in the kitchen to the sound of the Muggle stereo and he explains things to her that she most likely won't understand for another year or so, he soothes her cries with a few whispered words and a gentle tickle to her chin.

Every part of Regulus aches as he bears witness to the very obvious attachment growing between his child and his almost-but-never person.

It doesn't make it easier that James seems to have forgiven him for his insensitive words a couple weeks ago.

Now, James sends him small smiles and asks him how he feels. He asks about Adara and how she was when she could only babble in baby talk. And who is Regulus to deny James Potter anything that the man asks of him?

There has been a growing tension between the two, an evocation of all the words that were left unsaid from so many years ago. It feels like ages to Regulus now, being at Hogwarts, like a whole other lifetime has passed since then. 

"What happened to her mother?" James asks suddenly on a night when Lily goes up to the makeshift nursery to put Adara down for the night, "If… If you don't mind sharing, of course." 

Regulus eyes the alcohol in James' glass and wonders if it would be appropriate to get drunk right now. Instead, he sips on his water and turns his attention to James. 

It was hard, all those weeks, to have James so close to him but being unable to look . He felt like an intruder, living with James and his wife whilst wanting James so badly he could barely breathe. He feels suffocated by the love he wishes he could rip from his chest or bleed from his veins.

But right now he is looking and somehow, James is even more breathtaking than he was when he was sixteen and bursting with energy. He has grown into a fine young man, with his deep brown eyes, brown skin and ever so messy hair. The square glasses he has had for as long as Regulus can remember still sits close to the tip of his nose and Regulus resists the urge to push them back the way James always does. 

But his jawline is more defined and his eyes have dark circles underneath. His facial hair is grown out to a neat stubble and his hair is cut shorter than the ruthless waves it used to sit in. 

"I was sixteen and drunk out of my mind," he starts softly, dropping his gaze to his glass of water where he circles his finger around the rim, "And I had made every bad decision I could have possibly made." 

"You don't drink," James says, proof of how well he knows ( knew ) Regulus, "You always said you'd never touch alcohol." 

"I never had, and I never have after that night," he admits, "For the first time in my life, I took a girl home. I remember her name and I remember what she looked like but it meant nothing to me. An escape, if you will, after realising how badly I'd fucked up." 

Silence settles over them as James, as perceptive as always, pieces the timeline together. Perhaps he realises, Regulus thinks, how pathetically in love Regulus is and how badly he regretted walking away back then.

"Nine months later," he forces himself to continue, taking a sip of his water to quench the dryness in his throat, "And I have a baby on my doorstep barely a month after turning seventeen." 

"Your parents?"

Regulus casts his eyes downward once more. "I convinced them, when I took the Mark, to let me get a place on my own. Mum wasn't thrilled, of course, to have me out from under her thumb but Dad agreed that I needed to learn some responsibility and independence."

After a moment, James breaks the silence to ask, "What was it like? Raising her on your own?" 

Regulus smiles bitterly. "It was… hard. Harder than I'd like to admit. Between being a Death Eater and raising a child… It was a good thing the Dark Lord never thought much of me. I was just a back up, a spare, like usual." 

"You're not—" 

"But I am, aren't I?" He shakes his head, his overgrown hair falling into his face to act as a shield against James' stare. "The spare son, the spare Death Eater. There's no use denying it. What would the Dark Lord want to do with a sixteen year old if not just have him show increased ranks?" 

"And yet you were the one to discover his greatest secret," James points out, a frown on his pretty face when Regulus takes a peak at him.

"He underestimated me," Regulus agrees, "So I was never sent on as many missions as others were. And I had Kreacher to help me."

"You did good, Reggie." 

The last time Regulus heard that nickname from James, he was walking away from the boy he loved. He suddenly feels sixteen years old again, a school boy conflicted between the two sides of his heart. 

"I—Everything I did was entirely selfish," he argues stupidly, reminiscent of the conversation he had with Lily when he first woke up in their house.

"Is it selfish?" James questions, "To risk your life for someone you love? Because, in my books, that's the furthest thing from selfishness."

Regulus doesn't reply, he can't , not when James is looking at him as if he is deserving of the love he yearns for, as if he is worthy of being gazed upon like that.

Neither of the men hear it when Lily makes her way down the stairs. They do not see her when she rounds the corner and her eyes fall upon them. They do not notice when she sees her husband, really sees him and the way he is looking at the man in front of him.

Lily's eyes soften and she wonders if she should be jealous or upset or angry but she does not feel any of those things. It strikes her hard, right in her chest where her heart thuds against her ribs, that her husband looks at Regulus Black the same way he looks at her.

And somehow, she feels relieved.

It makes sense, she thinks, looking back on how everything played out. The distraught look on James' face when Regulus was on the verge of death, the tears that unwillingly sprung to his eyes when she told him Regulus was awake, the stolen glimpses and subtle inquiries.

She doesn't doubt his love for her. There is nothing more absolute, to her, than James' love and devotion. She thinks of the vows he made to her, I vow to grow and learn with you for as long as we may live , and she knows that he will keep them.

If anybody can love more than one person, she thinks to herself as she quietly returns back upstairs, it is James Potter. Of that she has no doubt. 

—

It is six months after Regulus discovers the Horcrux and three since he woke up in Lily and James's house in Godric's Hollow, and the Dark Lord has still not been brought down. 

According to Dumbledore, who does not share many details with anybody, much less Regulus, they have been successful with finding few other Horcruxes but he will never say how many there are and how many have been found. 

James and Lily are out of the house much more often and Regulus finds himself feeling both terrified for their safety and useless that he is not being put to help.

"Adara is your priority," Lily says to him when he brings it up one morning, "She needs you with her. You're raising a child, that's not doing nothing."

"I can do more," he insists,"I can actually help the Order." 

"The war has left too many children orphaned," she murmurs with a shake of her head, resting a hand on Regulus's shoulder, "Trust in us, Regulus. We all care about her and want the best for her." 

It is not long after this that Lily falls pregnant. Regulus holds her hair back as she empties her stomach into the toilet for the third morning in a row whilst James is away on a mission. The man is unaware of the current development and would no doubt rush to be at his wife's side if he knew. 

"I need to get a pregnancy test," Lily whispers to him at breakfast, a hand pressed to her stomach. 

Regulus's eyes widen. "Oh. I can do the diagnostic spell for you, if you'd like?" 

She looks at him with glossy eyes. "You can?"

He immediately nods and takes her hand in his, all propriety aside. "Of course. I could also go to a drug store for the test if you'd prefer." 

"Muggle pregnancy tests can be unreliable," she says, red hair falling into her face, "Could you do it now? I don't know if I can wait any longer." 

He leads her to the living room and sits her down on the couch. The spell is complex but it is not lengthy. It takes only a few minutes before he is nodding to her and giving her a smile. 

"Congratulations," he says softly, "You're pregnant." 

She breathes out shakily, her hand going to her stomach. Her body falls against Regulus's side and he immediately wraps an arm around her for support. "Oh God. I'm not ready for this." 

"I take it this was unplanned?" Regulus asks tentatively. 

Lily nods her head and leans in to press her face to his shoulder. He ignores the way his heart skips a beat at the action and listens to her reply. "Course it wasn't planned. We never wanted to bring a child into this world while we're at war . But if this is what the fates planned then we'll see it through. I'll protect this child with everything I have and everything I am."

"You'll be a brilliant mother," he tells her, the words bearing so much truth he wouldn't have been able to hold it in if he tried.

"Thank you," she says, her voice almost a whisper, but it rings loud in the silence of the cottage, "For being here and comforting me. I think I would have freaked out a bit if I was on my own." 

He chuckles softly. "I understand the feeling. Though I didn't have the nine-month heads up."

Her laugh is soft and sweet and Regulus feels pleased to have caused it. Her laugh, he thinks to himself, is a melody of its own. It is clear and sweet-toned and it is a song that Regulus would listen to on repeat if he could.

He swallows hard, trying to reel in the vehemence of his beating heart. He can only hope that she can't feel how wildly it is thrumming against his chest as he looks down at her dimpled smile and delicate hand wrapped around his own.

He has to remind himself once again that this is not for him. Lily is James' as he is hers. He has no place here in their home, feeling these improper emotions for not one but both of them. Regulus hates himself a little more for the love growing in his heart.

—

When Sirius, James and Remus return from wherever the hell they were, Lily and Regulus are in the kitchen with Adara. 

"Pada!" The child screeches when she sees Sirius, holding her arms out for her uncle as she tries to wiggle out of her father's grip.

Sirius scoops her out of Regulus's arms and tosses her up, causing a fit of giggles from Adara and a near heart attack from Regulus. The older Black kisses his niece's nose and says, "Hello, pup. I missed you soooo much." 

"Pada home!"

"Yes, love, I'm home," they return warmly before turning to their partner, "Moony, babes, we should have one of these." 

Remus looks both frightened and warmed at the prospect. "Yeah?"

Sirius nods. "As soon as we win this war." 

Regulus's attention is averted to Lily and James. His heart clenches as he watches James bend down to press a kiss to her lips and he tears his eyes away from the intimate scene. When he catches James' eye moments later, he receives a warm smile from the man. 

"Everything okay back here?" James asks as he takes a seat at the dining table. Sirius and Remus follow, Adara now sat happily in Remus's lap. Regulus offers to take her back but Remus declines, seeming happy to have her with him. 

"Alright," Lily responds, "I have a bit of news though." She looks at Regulus who gives her an encouraging smile. 

"What is it?" Sirius asks curiously as he dishes out food onto a plate. 

"I found out today," she starts, taking a deep breath and keeping her eyes trained on her husband, "I'm pregnant." 

Silence settles around the room aside from the soft sounds Adara is making as she plays with a dog stuffy gifted to her by Sirius. James' lips have fallen open and Sirius and Remus are wide-eyed. 

"I'm gonna be a dad?" James asks slowly, swallowing hard as he tries to rein back tears. 

Lily nods, a smile on her face as James leans towards her and pulls her into a tight embrace. "Yeah, Jamie. We're gonna be parents."

It seems as if everyone except Regulus is unsurprised when James starts to cry with his head buried in the crook of Lily's neck. Sirius smiles at him with a shake of their head and gives their partner an excited smile. 

"Congratulations," Remus says to the couple, "You're gonna be the best parents ever." 

Sirius nods fast in agreement. "That kid is super lucky."

Remus, Sirius and Regulus make their way out of the room, Adara still clutching tightly to Remus, leaving the couple to their private moment. They can hear the hushed voices but the words fall on deaf ears, kept only for them to know.

In the living room, Sirius whispers something to Remus and the werewolf nods, taking Adara with him upstairs. Sirius turns to her brother and asks, "How are you doing?" 

"Alright," Regulus responds, confused at the suddenness, "Why…?" 

Sirius looks at him contemplatively for a moment. "I'm not stupid, you know. I see the way you look at him."

Regulus scoffs unnecessarily quickly. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"James?" he says bluntly, raising an eyebrow at the younger, "You are so obviously in love with him. I just can't believe all this time has passed and you never said anything. How long has it been anyway?" 

"Four years," he responds with a bitter smile, "I've loved him for four years."

"Reg." Regulus hates the pitying tone in his sibling's voice. It makes his stomach churn and his teeth clench. "Why did you never say anything?" 

His tongue presses against his cheek in irritation. "What did you want me to say? That I was pathetically in love with my brother's best friend? I was a Death Eater, Sirius, or have you forgotten?" 

"Not four years ago," she argues, "You could have—" 

"I don't want to talk about this," he cuts off, "I'm not proud of some of my choices but they are the ones I made. And I have to live with the consequences of them now. So, please, just drop it." 

Sirius is silent for a moment but his next question feels like a blow to Regulus's chest. "What about Lily?" 

"What about her?" 

"When did you start having feelings for her?" Regulus does not answer, nor does he want to but his silence speaks for itself. Sirius sighs and takes Regulus's hand in his own. 

"For what it's worth," the older brother says, "I don't think it's entirely hopeless." 

"You don't know what you're saying," Regulus responds coldly, pulling his hand away from Sirius harshly and fleeing the room as fast as he can without looking like a coward. It doesn't make him less of one, though, he knows.

—

When the Potters have to go into hiding, they insist that Regulus stay with them. It is nearing the end of autumn 1979 and Regulus has been living with them for almost a year if he counts the time he spent in a coma. 

"Please," Lily says, as if he would be doing her a favour. He discards the thought immediately. 

But who is he to say no when she looks at him as if he actually means something to her? He essentially already agreed from the first moment they asked. He would do nearly anything they wanted of him.

Lily's baby bump is only just starting to show and James is almost constantly fretting over her. They eat dinner together every night, Sirius and Remus's regular visits coming to a halt. They decide, ultimately, to make Remus their Secret Keeper.

As the days pass, Regulus often finds himself getting too comfortable with being in their presence. He often has to remind himself that this is temporary, until Voldemort is brought down. After that, they would go their separate ways. Regulus would raise Adara on his own, and Lily and James would settle down with the baby and live their happily ever after together.

It is a bitter and agonising thought with which Regulus seems intent on torturing himself. It is his way of coping; of trying to detach himself from the situation before it gets to the point where he is unable to walk away and he absolutely cannot let that happen. 

It is a bad night already when Regulus walks downstairs to find his sibling there, a letter clutched in their hands. 

"Reg," he says carefully, and the tone already makes Regulus's stomach drop, "Father’s dead." 

His voice shakes as he answers, "What?" 

"I got a letter," Sirius explains quietly, "You would have too if not for the Fidelius Charm. Turns out my disinheritance wasn't as legal as we thought." 

"How?" he whispers, fingers reaching for the parchment, "He's too young, it-it doesn't make any sense." 

"Apparently there's been an outbreak of Dragon Pox," she says, and Regulus almost hates the fact that she seems so indifferent, "I wasn't given details. Just that I now own half of the Black Estate." 

"Half?" Regulus questions, deflecting from the ache in his throat from holding back tears, "You're the main heir."

"I can't begin to question Father's motives. Perhaps because you produced an heir? I don’t know, Reg, just—“ 

“I think I’m gonna throw up,” he announces suddenly, bolting to the guest bathroom and collapsing in front of the toilet. His stomach tightens painfully as he dry-heaves over and over but nothing comes out except the tears from his eyes. 

“Reg?” comes Sirius’s voice from behind the closed door—did he close it? He doesn’t remember doing that. 

“Please leave,” Regulus chokes out, “I-I just… I need… I just need some time. Please.” 

He hears the soft sound of footsteps retreating and he forces himself to get up. He doesn’t know where Lily and James are but he doesn’t want to see them. He makes his way to his room as quickly as he can with his vision blurred and shuts the door with a wandless locking charm. 

Regulus feels his knees go weak just before he collapses in front of his bed. Now that the tears have started, he cannot seem to get them to stop. A part of him doesn’t even know why he’s crying, why he’s mourning, but he does it with his whole being. 

He does not know how long he cries for before he hears the door click open. Didn’t he lock it? All he knows is that his throat feels scratched up and his knees are wet where his eyes were pressed against them. He feels a hand on his shoulder and he flinches only a little.

“Reg?” It is James’ voice, and somehow it is a comfort to him. 

“James,” he manages to force from his throat. His voice sounds foreign to his own ears, all raspy and nasally from his blocked nose. 

“I’ve got you, love,” he says, and Regulus almost believes him, “You’re alright.”

Regulus finds himself pulled against James, their chests pressed together. He cannot find it in him to deny himself the comfort of the man right now, not when he has exhausted his mind and body from torment. Instead, he relaxes his body entirely and pushes his face against James’ neck, circles his arms around the man’s torso and breathes.

“I do-don’t know why I feel like this,” Regulus gasps out, trying to explain himself, “He—Dad never loved us, he never cared for us. A-Always let Mum handle us, make the decisions concerning us. But I-I—“ He can’t bring himself to finish, nor rack his brain for an actual conclusion as to why he is this upset. 

“He’s still your father,” James says in comfort, dragging a hand up and down Regulus’s back, “You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Reggie. You’re allowed to feel sad. Grief doesn’t need rationality; it just is. You’re allowed to mourn.”

With that, Regulus finds himself crying once more, tears soaking into James’ shirt. He’s not sure how long after it is, but his eyes flutter open when he feels strong arms around him lifting him up. He is too weak to protest as James carries him and tucks him into bed. The last thing he acknowledges before his eyes fall shut is the press of James’ lips against his forehead. 

James strokes a hand through Regulus’s hair until he can hear the younger boy’s breathing even out into a steady rhythm. With that, he forces himself to return to his own bedroom where he finds his wife waiting for him, chewing on her thumbnail. 

“What’s wrong, love?” he asks her, circling his arms around her waist and pressing his chest to her back. He presses a soft kiss to her neck and nuzzles his face there. 

She sighs happily into it before she speaks, “I think we should talk.” 

He pulls away at her serious tone, allowing her to turn to face him. His hands are still around her waist but her eyes are clear with anxiety. "What do you wanna talk about?" 

She gives him a smile and it reminds him of when he first fell in love with her. Not the crush he had on her when he was a child but when he truly fell in love with her few months after they began dating. She gave him a similar look then, with her eyes staring right into his and her right cheek dented with that deep dimple, and he realised right then that he would never be able to live without that smile in his life and swore to draw it out as often as he could.

"I can see the gears turning in your head, love," she says softly, leaning forward to press her lips to his cheek, "A knut for your thoughts?" 

"Just thinking about how beautiful you are," he answers honestly despite how cheesy it sounds. He's always liked clichés just a little.

She laughs and shakes her head and it translates to I love you. "Git." 

He hums and kisses her forehead. "Will you tell me what's got you so worked up now?" 

"I've been thinking about this for a while now," she says slowly, "About… Regulus. And you." 

James feels his stomach drop. "What—What about us?" 

"I see the way you look at him, Jamie," she whispers, spilling his secret between them, "I know you love him. You don't have to hide it from me." 

He pulls his hands away from her as if she burned him. A fumbling step back has him holding his hand out to find purchase. "Lily, I—I… You know I love you, right? He—Regulus is—" 

Her eyes soften and her hands seek out to find his again, twining their fingers together. "I have never and will never doubt your love for me. Just as I know you love me, my love for you has never wavered. The truth is… I get it. I understand why you're so taken by him. I am too." 

James inhaled sharply. "You… You are? You fancy him too?" 

"I can easily see myself falling in love with him," she admits and it feels like a weight off her chest, "That doesn't mean I love you any less, you understand that, right?" 

He nods slowly. "I… Yeah. I can't say I don't when I feel that way too." 

"He's the one you meant, didn't you?" she asks, bringing his hand up to press her lips to his palm, "When you said you were in love with a boy in school." 

"Yeah," he breathes, "I never told a soul." 

"He loves you too, you know," she says, so earnestly. 

James smiles bitterly. "He doesn't. He never has." He swallows hard and continues, "If he did, he wouldn't have left."

"Jamie…" 

"Lils, he walked away from me," he chokes out, the memory of that night coming back to him as if it were yesterday, "I told him I loved him and he left . I asked him to join me before he took the Mark and he… he… he made his decision, Lil." 

"Oh," she responds breathlessly, "James, you know there was more to it than that. You know he couldn't walk away from his family that easily. That doesn't mean he didn't love you. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you now."

"Even if he did love me," he murmurs, "What about us? We're married, we have a baby on the way. How would that work?" 

"I think, if you and he would be agreeable, I'd love nothing more than to be with both of you. All three of us together. You and him, he and I, you and I. All of us. And Adara—I love her so much, Jamie. She's already family."

"I never thought of it before," he admits, biting his bottom lip, "But I won't lie, it sounds incredible. You… You really think that's something he would want? It scares me, Lil, what if we lose them? What if Reg doesn't feel that way and he takes Adara and… leaves?"

"I'm not yet certain," she says, moving forward to wrap her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest, "But he needs some time anyway. He's mourning and we can't put this on him right now. I just thought we needed to talk about it first, make sure we're on the same page. It'll work out the way it's supposed to. Besides, we'll always have each other."

James nods and kisses the top of her head. "I love you so much, Lily. I don't know how I got so lucky to have your love but I'll never take it for granted."

"I think I'm the lucky one," she murmurs. 

—

It is almost ironic, Regulus thinks, that Lily is the one who kisses him first. He has waited a long time to kiss James and maybe it's okay that he has to wait a little longer. Lily has her hands on his face and her lips pressed firmly against his and it is everything and nothing like Regulus imagined before.

It is fierce and heated and so very overwhelming that Regulus can do nothing but return the passion with which she kisses him. Her hands are tangling in her hair and he pulls her in by the waist, his mind unable to catch up with his responses.

Snowflakes catch in their hair and he vaguely remembers that they are out on a public street; he can't bring himself to care. 

"Lily," he gasps out as he breaks away from her, "I—James… This isn't… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—" 

But it was she who kissed him, not the other way around. Her eyes soften as she lets her hands fall to rest on his upper arms. "You are a wonderful person, Regulus Black, and falling in love with you is the easiest thing I have ever done." 

His lips part in surprise as her words register in his mind. He's unsure if this is actually real or some sort of sick game his subconscious is playing on him as he sleeps. "You love me?" is all he manages to say, and his voice comes out as a mere whisper.

The way she smiles at him almost makes him believe that her words are true. She stands on her tiptoes and is still not tall enough to reach his ear but he leans down for her and she wraps her arms around his neck, her lips right by his ear as she murmurs, "Loving you is as easy as breathing. It is instinct, and when I remember that it is there and happening in the deepest parts of myself, merged into my system, it is a relief to know that I can rely on it to always be there."

She is waxing poetry into his ear as her body presses against his in every nook and cranny. In this moment, they are a single unit, unable to distinguish where one of them ends and the other begins. 

"James?" he brings himself to ask at last, his voice so quiet between them it doesn't matter, she is close enough to hear.

"Loving James is a privilege I am thankful to experience every day since I was seventeen years old. My love for him is ever-growing and evergreen; it has never faltered and it has never failed me. Perhaps it is selfish of me to desire both of my loves at once, but I have never failed to try to reach for my dreams and I don't plan on starting now." She presses a kiss to his exposed neck when his arms tighten around her.

"That's something you would want?" He asks breathlessly, "Something James would want? Both of us?" 

He feels the way her lips stretch into a smile against his skin and he shudders with it. "I know you love James, and I have no doubts that you at least fancy me—"

"Lily Evans, I have been entirely gone for you for a very long time," he cuts in, breathing in the floral scent of her shampoo, "And it is beyond my wildest dreams to know that you feel the same way. I don't deserve—" 

"My love for you," she interrupts, "Is freely given. I will say it as many times as needed for you to believe me — love does not need to be deserved . You are loved whether you believe yourself worthy or not."

"Then," he says slowly, "I will try my best to be the person you deserve for as long as you'll have me." 

She seems satisfied with this answer. "Shall we go home?" 

Home . It is something Regulus yearned for his whole life. It is almost anti climactic, how easily it came to him, but he knows he wouldn't change it for anything. 

Regulus is, or was , not a Gryffindor. He does not have the courage in him to walk up to James, grab him by the collar and pull him in for the sweetest most gratifying kiss he will ever experience. He does not have the bravery to walk into the house and push James up against the wall and take what has, seemingly, always been his.

But James is a Gryffindor through and through and he is not afraid to show it. He is relentless in the way he fists his hands in Regulus's sweater, walks him till his back is pressed against the wall and claims his lips as if it belongs to him. 

And, if Regulus is honest with himself, it does belong to him. Every part of him has belonged to James from the moment he fell in love with him.

"James," he sighs against his lips, the kiss so much sweeter than the actions leading up to it, "Jamie. Please." 

He's blissfully unaware of what exactly he is asking for but James kisses him like his life depends on it, like he found out the world is ending tomorrow, like he has spent years in a desert and Regulus is an oasis.

"I have wanted you," James says, their lips still brushing, "For so long . Will you stay, Reggie? With me? With us?"

"For as long as you want me, Jamie," he responds desperately, clinging tightly to the material of James' pyjamas. 

"I will never not want you," he promises resolutely, drawing himself away only slightly just to press his nose in the crook of Regulus's neck, "I will never not love you." 

"I cannot even recall a time when I was not yours," Regulus confesses quietly, "I have been yours for a long time, James. Being able to call you and Lily mine… it is something I never dared to dream of."

"No more dreaming, love," Lily says as she moves closer to them, her hand making its way to Regulus's curls. 

James lifts his head to kiss her and, this time, Regulus watches them shamelessly, not a trace of envy in his body because they are his . 

Lily presses her lips to Regulus's temple when they part and she smiles with an easy confidence. "Come to bed with us." 

Regulus does. They fall asleep indulging in the body heat of one another and tangling their legs and fingers. It is messy and stuffy and raw but it is beautiful in the way that they love it as is.

It is not perfect; there are sleepless nights when a newborn baby's cries break their sleep or when ghosts begin to haunt their dreams, there are moments of loneliness and jealousy and insecurity, there are days that never seem to end. It is not perfect, but it is theirs .