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“What in the world?”
“Durin’s beard!”
“Bilbo, what are you wearing?” Dori asked dismayingly.
Nori, raising his eyebrows and doing nothing to hide his smirk, looked over at their brooding leader. “I think the hobbit’s finally snapped, eh Oakenshield?”
Thorin didn’t respond. His eyes were glued to the sight of Bilbo Baggins, gentle hobbit and respectable shire dweller, wearing extremely short trousers. If they could be called trousers. Thorin thought they were more similar to one’s undergarments than with any sort of outer clothes. Thorin couldn’t help but notice how…indecent they were. He should stop staring or order the burglar to change. He should not be noticing how Bilbo’s posterior somehow managed to jiggle invitingly as the hobbit stomped across the road.
“Thorin?” Balin tried, going completely ignored as the rightful king strided up to Bilbo.
The Company watched in anticipation, wondering what their short tempered leader was going to say to this new development.
“Baggins,” Thorin started. “I couldn’t help but notice your…unusual choice of dress today.”
“I apologize,” Bilbo said stiffly. “Someone muddled the laundry, my one clean pair of trousers got irreparably torn and I don’t have any clean normal clothes. I had to salvage what I could from the damaged ones.”
“You couldn’t borrow something from one of us?”, asked Bofur kindly. “I’m sure one of us would do ye.”
“None of you are small enough to borrow from. I would use one of my spares, but the rest of mine were dropped…in the mud…somehow.” Bilbo trailed off as he realized Kili and Fili were shaking with silent laughter.
“You, you no good, ill-mannered -”, Bilbo started, moving to scold the two mischievous dwarves.
Thorin’s right hand shot out, catching Bilbo’s shoulder. He leaned down, whispering in Bilbo’s ear. Bilbo went bright red, from ear tip to ear tip.
“Fine.” he replied, before turning on his heels and walking off to parts unknown. Thorin turned to his sister’s sons. Their expressions sobered as he looked at them.
“Laundry, now.” Thorin ordered. The boys nodded and scurried off.
Later, when Thorin had his hands wrapped around that plush rear, Bilbo flush against him, he decided to let his nephew’s off easy, just this once.