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In the end there was always suffering.
You were taught that as a disciple of God that we were not spared of suffering just because we served Him. Suffering was a part of being human.
Sacrifice was another word often used in church.
It was to give up something for something or someone more than yourself. It was taking all that you are and giving it, purging it, ripping it from you.
The priest was talking and Matt Murdock didn't even hear him. He was talking about some bullshit of true sacrifice being a victory. That it didn't ease the pain of loss, but won the battle against bitterness.
Matt didn't feel loss.
He felt hollow.
There was something inside of him that had always been a little bit broken. She had seen that. There was a darkness to him and she mirrored that. He remembered the words she had told him not long ago.
"There was always this glorious darkness inside you. . . . And, yes, that’s why I loved you. That’s why you loved me too.”
That ache, that pull to her had been severed. He knew he wasn't supposed to care; he had been taught not to let people in. He cared for Foggy and Karen, but Elektra…
Elektra knew him. Like no one else ever would.
She knew the parts of him that he hid. His hands were stained red. He was marked like her. That moral compass that he had seemed to always go askew when she was around. She had known what was inside of him and he had known what was inside of her. There was good in her. Two parts, two souls, made equal destined to find each other but forever kept apart. When she came back into his life he should have told her to leave. Maybe then she would have still been alive.
He didn't regret any of it.
He didn't regret fighting by her side, the way he lost parts of his life to follow her anywhere, the bittersweet moments when she would speak of their past and how they had met. He didn't regret a single moment he got to see her smile or clean up the blood on her body.
The only thing he did regret was that he was alive.
He wasn't alive though. Not really.
Why had he been spared?
Why did he get to live?
His mind faded out of the funeral and replayed a memory. It came fuzzy at first, but then clearer until it was the only thing he could see. He wanted to live this moment forever.
"Sweetie," he whispered into her warm neck.
She was breathing so softly in her sleep. Her body was pressed up against his as they laid together in his bed. The blankets covered most of their naked bodies. He traced the dip in her back, the edge of her shoulder, and the delicate jut of her hip bone. She sighed pleasantly.
"Matthew," she murmured and he wasn't sure if she had said in her sleep or not.
"Elektra," he said back with all the love he could muster into voice.
He could sense the smile break out on her face as she rolled over to face him. Her finger stroked his cheek. Her touch was always like fire. She came in flashes of red and made him burn. It lingered wherever he went. Sparks ignited inside of him as each caress of her skin on his set him alight. His senses were heightened and something about Elektra always had him feeling more than others. He shivered when her palm soothed down his chest.
"I couldn't help it." Her voice was tainted with something. Like she was struggling with these words. "I couldn't help falling in love with you. Stick kept saying not to let anyone in. That it made me weak. Love to him was a disease. It only kept you from your purpose. He groomed me like that. I know he did the same to you. And yet…"
"I love you, Elektra," he replied in earnest.
"I know. I keep thinking there should be some consequence to this. I broke the rules. I let you in."
"And I did the same with you. No one else knows me like you. When I'm with you I don't have to pretend. You see me. You've always seen me. And I see you. I know you, Elektra. This isn't wrong. Our love for each other isn't wrong. We belong together."
"Matt, what if...what if we don't survive this? What if we lose each other?"
He pulled her into his arms and rested his head on top of her hers. She settled into his strong embrace and closed her eyes.
"I'll never let anything happen to you."
Matt tried to cover up the tears that fell from his eyes. His whole body shook and he swallowed down the screams that were buried in his throat.
Rain poured down and he heard each droplet splash onto the ground like bombs going off.
He had moments - only moments - with her. Moments in time where she was his. He wouldn't give them up for anything. He'd sell his soul before he forgot her.
Maybe that was all you got. Moments. Some were more significant than others. He felt like he had sacrificed so much just to be here. He would do it all again. He would. He would go through all that suffering to be with her even if he were to lose her again.
It was worth it. Loving her was the best thing he had ever done.
Wherever you run; I run with you.
Some said that souls find each other in another life. Matt didn't really believe in that, reincarnation was not part of his faith. But he admitted that it had some appeal. There were these theories of multi-verses. That each decision you made there were many other universes where you made a different choice. All his choices led him to her. Of all the universes, she landed up in his one.
If there was a multi-verse where they ended up together then somewhere out there was a woman named Elektra, alive and laughing with Matt Murdock by her side and he was happy.