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This wasn't the first time Elena had found herself in a tight spot. It sometimes seemed as though her life was nothing but one complication after another, each day only a new opportunity for trouble to arise, and today was no different. But instead of the normal, daily problems that could be solved with a little bit of communication, ingenuity, and luck, this one was different. This was a matter of life and death.
More specifically, Mateo’s life and death.
“Not too much farther,” Elena encouraged, the slight tremble in her voice induced by both the stress and the strain of nearly carrying her friend across her shoulders.
Mateo let out a half-hearted laugh, or at least she assumed it was a laugh. All she could feel was a hot puff of breath against her neck. “You said that...twenty minutes...ago,” he pointed out wearily.
“This time I mean it,” she insisted, shifting her shoulder under his to better hold his weight. “We’re gonna make it, okay?” We have to, she added silently, her thoughts already darting to the worst case scenario. Because if we don’t…
“How are you feeling?” she asked instead. She needed to focus and not panic.
“Well…kinda like I fell...and got impaled by...an old maruvian hunting trap,” he said, attempting to laugh again, though it quickly turned into a groan that sent Elena’s heart racing at triple speed.
“Mateo?” she said, not even bothering to hide the anxiety in her voice. She stopped walking, allowing him to catch his breath before continuing their trek through the darkening jungle.
“I’m fine,” he slurred, using a hand to wave off her concern, as though that would really make her worry less. “Jus’ getting tired.”
Elena didn’t answer, instead tightening her grip on his waist and doubling her resolve to get them home faster. She was barely aware of their trajectory, her mind instead plagued by the constant torrent of if only ’s that accompanied their current predicament. If only they hadn’t decided to train in the old Maruvian ruins. If only they had surveyed the grounds more before practicing. If only she hadn’t blasted his tamborita out of his hand and somewhere into the jungle. If only he hadn't gone to search for it, and fell into that trap. If only she had left the spear that had pierced his side in the wound instead of taking it out…
The mental list kept going on and on. Elena craned her neck, looking behind them and paling at the long stripe of blood left in their wake. Mateo was bleeding out, and if they were going to make it, they needed a healer and fast.
Elena furrowed her brow in thought, but couldn’t come up with any new options other than get Mateo back to the palace! Unfortunately her scepter didn’t offer much help, either. Though it possessed incredible magic abilities, spells like glow, blaze, and farsight weren’t of much use to them.
“Elena,” Mateo’s weak voice brought her out of her stupor. “Can we rest...just for a bit?”
No, ‘cause you’ll die! Elena wanted to protest, but Mateo was sagging against her, barely able to stand on his own, and there was no way she could drag him the remaining three miles to the palace.
“Okay,” she finally agreed, gently helping him down into a sitting position. She sat beside him, placing her hand on top of his own. She watched as he sighed in relief, eyes fluttering close and chest heaving, as though the small act of sitting down was equivalent to running a marathon. Her stomach twisted unpleasantly, seeing him this way. Mateo was supposed to be bright and cheerful, with a spark in his eye and a spring in his step, always looking out for others and wanting to make them smile. Not bleeding out and dying in the middle of the jungle, experiencing terrible pain without any help in sight.
In all honesty, she was surprised that he even accepted her invitation to train in the jungle that morning. She was even more surprised, though, that she’d offered such an invitation to begin with. It was the first time they’d been alone together since…
Since he told me he loved me, she thought, blinking back tears as she looked anywhere but his bloody body.
She was so clueless back then. It’d been three months since that day, but she still thought about it nearly every night, the memory seared in her mind, constantly being relived before she could succumb to the sweet mindlessness of sleep.
If only she could just be more sure of her feelings, of her desires and wants for the future. She loved Mateo—that she was sure of. But whether that love transcended the boundaries of the friendship she felt so deeply for him...
She was still trying to figure it out.
Mateo was arguably one of the most important people in her life. He was her rock, her confidant, her best friend. He meant so much to her, that when he finally admitted his feelings to her and confessed that he saw her as so much more than just his friend, she froze. It wasn’t necessarily a shock; she suspected that he might like her, especially after her coronation, when he started acting differently around her. Smiling more, always offering to carry or get things for her, the light touches on her shoulder or arm as he helped her further her training in magic. They were all little clues that led her to believe he at least had a crush, but for some reason she never acknowledged it, preferring to pretend she was just reading too far into perfectly normal, platonic behavior. So when the time came and she was confronted with his feelings head on, all the courage she had when she faced Shuriki, Ash, and the Shades of Awesome fled her as she stumbled and deflected, not sure how to accept his feelings when she still didn't even understand her own.
And he never faulted her for her poorly handled denial. She could tell he was disappointed, more than that, probably, but like always he made sure she came first, and never made her feel awkward or uncomfortable when he was around after his heartfelt confession. He promised to be her friend, and only her friend if that was what she wanted, but now she wasn’t sure. It wasn’t that she couldn’t picture a romantic future with him. It was literally all she had been doing for the last three months since he confessed, but she couldn’t act on whatever feelings she did have because it all boiled down to the fact that she, Elena Castillo Flores, Queen of Avalor and defender of the kingdom, was scared .
Mateo was too important to lose, and despite her past successes, she didn’t know if she could risk the chance of messing up their relationship and losing him forever. She was just barely figuring out how to be a queen. Could she handle a relationship with her best friend on top of all of that?
Mateo shifted next to her, his lips mouthing an inaudible groan as he tried to move. His side was still bleeding heavily, the blood soaking his already crimson robes. In love with him or not, Elena couldn’t let him die. She wouldn’t.
“C’mon, Mateo, we have to keep moving,” she urged, but when she looked at his face, the resignation displayed clearly in his hazel eyes kept her feet rooted to the ground.
“It’s okay, ‘lena,” he mumbled. “It doesn’t matter anymore. We can’t make it.”
The blood in her veins turned ice cold. “W-what? No, you can’t give up, we’re—”
“Almost there?” he finished for her, his lips stretching into a brief smile. “I’ve heard that one before…”
Elena normally prided herself on staying calm and collected in perilous situations, but this—this was almost too much. Mateo couldn’t die because of some stupid accident. There had to be a way to fix it, she couldn’t lose him, not yet, not when there was still too much left unsaid between them.
She felt as though she was on the cusp of understanding her feelings, like she was teetering on the edge of a cliff, waiting for some revelation that would either push her over or draw her back into the safety of solid, familiar ground. She knew what love was, and how it felt—so then why was it so hard for her to discern her feelings for Mateo?
At some point she thought maybe that was the reason she didn’t return his feelings, because if she loved him in a romantic sense, surely she would be able to know, to recognize that it was different from the love she felt toward her other friends and family. But the longer she thought about it the more she wondered whether the love she felt for him really was the same after all. Did she think about her friends and family constantly, admire their abilities, their looks, their personality, and let the quiet moments they experienced together resonate in her heart, warming her and bringing a smile to her face whenever she were to think about it? Did she care so much about what they thought about her, about trying to make them happy despite the pain she had inflicted, about whether she could truly exist in a future without them in it?
The fact that she couldn’t even bring herself to think about a future without Mateo in it should’ve been telling, but again she dismissed it, too stricken with the fact that he was willing to die in the jungle rather than try to move and find some help.
“Is it because of me? Is that why you've given up?” she found herself saying, the words slipping out of her mouth faster than the tears coursing down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Mateo, I didn’t mean to hurt you and I wasn’t trying to be mean but I was just so confused and I wasn’t sure—”
“Wait, what…?" Mateo interrupted. "Elena, what’re you...talking about?” His soft spoken words effectively silenced her rant.
“I…” Elena swallowed, collecting herself and her composure. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t return your feelings when you told me, and I know you said it was fine but I feel like I’ve already ruined everything between us, which is what I was so scared of doing in the first place if we did get together and—” she stopped to take a breath, swiping at her cheeks, all too aware of precious time passing yet unable to stop. “I’m so sorry because I’ve made you go through all this pain and now it’s too late, and I don’t—I can’t— ”
“I’m not mad,” Mateo said, suddenly looking more alert than she’d ever seen him. He looked slightly confused too, as though unsure why she was bringing this up now of all times, but he didn't protest against it. His eyes locked onto hers and he reached out his hand, to which she immediately took ahold of. “If anything I should be sorry." He squeezed her hand gently. "All I was thinking of...was myself and my feelings...and didn't realize how much it...would affect you and that...you weren't ready to consider something like that." His words were said through labored breaths, but he continued, his eyes shining. "I'm sorry I scared you...and made everything more complicated...but I'm not sorry...for loving you."
Elena stilled, her breath caught in her throat. Here he was, literally on his deathbed, yet once again comforting her and making her feel better despite all the internal turmoil she'd put him through the past three months.
And in that moment she knew he would always do that, would always care for her and be there for her no matter what, and for that she loved him.
She loved him .
She was on the precipice of the cliff again, teetering on the edge as she tried to work out her feelings, but now she had finally fallen over the edge, falling away from the familiar, solid ground in which she had been standing her whole life, yet it wasn't terrifying. It was exhilarating, freeing, no longer falling but flying as she realized how much he truly meant to her, and that maybe romantic love wasn't so foreign to her after all. She just had to be willing to let herself see, feel it, and know that it had been in front of her the whole time.
That he had been in front of her the whole time.
She had to tell him, to let him know his feelings were not in vain or unrequited, but as she opened her mouth to explain it all to him, about her sudden revelation and the constant war waging within herself until then, she became aware of his ashen skin and drooping eyes, and remembered rather panickedly how little time they had. If she explained her feelings now, it might be the last words she'd ever get to say to him.
"Mateo," she said, gripping his arm firmly as she stood. "Can you walk at all?"
Mateo looked at her, a frown marring his features. "I...I can try?" But at the slightest movement he groaned and went still, barely even breathing at the amount of pain moving seemed to cause.
"Okay," Elena said as she assessed the situation. Clearly he couldn't move, which meant it was up to her to find help, and that he'd have to stay behind. Quickly doing the math in her head, Elena calculated that it would take her around twenty minutes to get back to town if she ran the whole distance. Then she could find Skylar and a physician and bring them back to Mateo in a mere five minutes, if everything went as planned.
"Mateo," she began again, bending down to catch his gaze. "I'm going to go get help, but you've got to promise me to stay awake, okay? Don't—don't give up, not now, alright?"
He nodded, his eyes closed as he leaned back against the tree keeping him upright. In that moment he looked so peaceful, his brown curls falling so gently across his forehead, his eyes closed, as though he was enjoying a peaceful afternoon while relaxing in the sun.
Elena knew she had to go. Each second was precious but at the same time she couldn't bear to leave Mateo. She reached out a hand, gently caressing his cheek as she drew closer. He leaned into her touch, eyes still closed.
"I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise," she whispered.
And then before she drew away, she did something she never dreamed she would do in that moment. She leaned forward and kissed him, her lips pressing against his for a brief, wonderful moment before she drew away, overcome with a wave of emotion so strong it nearly brought her to tears. His eyes were wide open now, regarding her in a shocked stupor, clearly wondering if that had really happened or if had started hallucinating. She tried not to think about why she had gotten the sudden urge to kiss him, and that it was probably her subconscious telling her it might be her only chance, in case he didn't make it.
"I'll be back," she promised again, slowly backing away, keeping him in her sight for as long as possible before she took off running, praying that she could make it in time before it was too late.
×××
The palace, though big and intimidating to some, always offered a familiar comfort to Elena. It helped that it was the place she grew up in, where she made countless childhood memories with her parents and grandparents and sister and cousins, but for the first time in her life it felt empty and cold, devoid of the happiness and comfort that always seemed to lay within its walls.
Elena stood outside Mateo’s quarters, her eyes staring unseeingly at the large tapestry hanging across the hall. It had been two days since the accident. Elena still wasn’t sure how he survived; according to the palace physician it was a miracle that he was still alive when they found him, after Elena had sprinted back to the palace to find help. She still wasn’t sure how even she managed to survive after she ran nearly three miles in only sixteen minutes, but she counted the adrenaline and fear coursing through her veins throughout that journey as a contributing factor to her success.
With the help of some magic potions, stitches, and lots of herbal medicines, the physician said that Mateo would be fine, as long as he took it easy and didn’t rush his path to recovery. Upon hearing those words Elena nearly wept, suddenly unsteady as the relief washed over her, almost bringing her to the ground as she realized she hadn’t lost him forever. Had the circumstances been different her friends and family might’ve teased her for being so worried about him, would’ve joked that she sure seemed to care for him a lot, but instead they offered her comfort and space, something which she was grateful for. Some part of her knew that her friends and family probably all knew her feelings before even she did, and that they were just waiting for her to figure them out, but she was thankful they hadn’t pressured her on it, or else it would have driven her farther back into her shell, and she never would’ve found the courage to take that leap.
Of course, it took Mateo nearly dying before she had that realization, but better late than never she supposed. And since never nearly happened, it was good that she finally understood what she needed to do.
The door to Mateo’s room opened and the physician stuck her head out, eyes immediately landing on Elena. “He’s awake again,” she reported brightly. “Should I go and alert Mrs. de Alva?”
Rafa had been staying at the palace for the last two days as well, to be closer to Mateo and be there if he needed her. Elena began to nod, but then paused. Rafa had been by Mateo’s side nearly every waking moment, but Elena had yet to speak to Mateo alone, and really wished she could talk to him before she lost the courage. “Is it alright if I visit with him first?” she asked, almost shyly.
The physician nodded, giving her a knowing smile. “Of course. I’ll give you guys a bit before I find Mrs. de Alva.” She exited the room and held the door open for Elena to enter.
Elena immediately ducked into the room, her eyes falling on her best friend, laying on his bed with a mound of pillows propping him up in a way that she assumed must be comfortable to him.
“Elena?” he said when he saw her, his voice still weak but his eyes alight with happiness.
Elena returned his smile, seating herself on the chair that sat next to his bed, her hand reaching out to hold his, as though they were magnetically drawn together. She squeezed his hand, not sure what to say. There was too much to say, actually, which is why she ended up simply saying, “Hi.”
Her not-so-eloquent greeting did nothing to deter Mateo’s smile though. It was hard to imagine that just two days ago he was ready to give up, bleeding out in the middle of the jungle, telling her it was okay to move on…
“I’m really, really glad you’re okay,” she said, gripping his hand tighter.
“Me too,” Mateo agreed with a soft laugh. “Thanks for saving me.”
“It was the least I could do. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t decided to explore the Maruvian ruins and train there in the first place,” Elena pointed out guiltily. “I’m so sorry, Mateo…”
“It wasn’t your fault!” He shifted in the bed, trying to sit up higher. “Really, Elena, I was the one who ran off and walked right into the trap. It was just an accident. It could’ve happened to anyone.”
But it happened to you, she thought as she swallowed heavily, but then nodded, allowing herself to ease her conscience.
“Besides,” he continued. “I’d never turn down an opportunity to train with you.” A strange look passed over his face, as though he was just recalling something he had previously forgotten. “I...I do have a question though,” he began slowly. “Everything after the first ten minutes was kinda hazy, but I remember we were...talking, and you started saying something about it being too late, and then before you left you, uh…” he trailed off, eyes mapping her face, looking for any sign that she understood what he was talking about. “Did I—I mean, was that a dream, or—?”
“No,” Elena said, suddenly nervous again. “No, I uh, it was real, and I did...I did kiss you.”
Mateo raised his eyebrows, a brief look of elation crossing his face before he quickly masked it. “I see,” he said casually. “And was it ‘cause you just...felt sorry for me, or...?”
He was pretending as though it didn’t matter, but Elena knew he was waiting with bated breath, her next words having the power to change their relationship forever. And though she was nervous, it wasn’t as though she was scared for it to change, as she thought she would be. She was actually... excited.
“I kissed you because...because I realized I love you.” Once the words were off her lips it felt like a giant weight had been released from her shoulders. He knew. She was free from the burden of uncertainty and confusion of her feelings, having finally spoken them aloud in confidence.
The look of utter shock that crossed Mateo’s face was priceless.
“Wait...what?!” He sat up straighter in disbelief. “I didn’t...I didn't think you’d ever—? You actually love me?”
“You’re really that surprised?” Elena asked with a laugh. “You’re my best friend, Mateo, and you mean everything to me… I just needed time to process everything I felt toward you, I think.”
He stared at her, rendered nearly speechless. “I never...I never thought we’d even be having this conversation…”
For a split second, despite his words to her just two days ago, Elena wondered if she was too late after all, and that he’d moved on. Maybe he didn’t love her as much as he thought he did? Or maybe he was so thrown off guard, much like she had been, that he couldn’t think of anything to say?
She decided it was probably the latter. She stayed quiet, letting Mateo process her feelings and his, and slowly he began to speak again. “When I told you how I felt, I didn’t even really realize what I was doing,” he admitted, eyes glued to their hands, which were still clasped together on top of his bed sheets. “It was so caught up in the moment, and then when I realized that maybe it wasn’t something you were ready to hear, or that it could mess things up for us, it was too late. I had already told you everything. And from the look on your face I knew…”
Elena internally cringed, remembering her awkward response, so shocked that she could hardly do anything but stare at him.
“But then I rationalized to myself that it was for the best. That a princess—a queen —couldn't have been able to be with me anyway, and—”
“Why would you think that?” Elena quickly interrupted. “As a queen , I can choose to be with whoever I want, right?”
Mateo shrugged, a faint blush darkening his cheeks. “I guess.”
“And besides, you’re the royal wizard, so that basically makes you royal, and therefore my equal, right?” She grinned, enjoying the flustered look on his face as she talked about them and their relationship. Why did she have to wait so long to realize how easy this was, how fun and exhilarating it was to feel such things so freely with him?
“Alright, so I guess that was a weak point,” Mateo conceded with a small smile. “I was just, y’know, trying to let myself down easy. Not get my hopes up that maybe someday…”
“That someday I’d change my mind,” Elena finished for him. “Knowing us, I think it was probably inevitable.” She chuckled, thinking of everything they had been through together, and how they wouldn’t have been able to do it without each other by their side.
“Are you really sure, though?” Mateo asked earnestly. “You really want to try this? Not just because you feel sorry for me or got caught up in the moment or something?”
Elena got up from her chair and seated herself at the side of his bed, reaching out a hand to gently brush a stray curl off of his forehead. Her heart was pounding in her chest, but at the same time she felt calm and sure of herself. With Mateo it was all or nothing, and she was ready to give it her all.
“I know my feelings can be...confusing, even to me,” she said. “Sometimes I think I should just wear my mood dress all the time, so that both me and others can understand what I’m going through but...seeing you in the jungle, almost dying, I just...I realized that I couldn’t lose you, not just because you were my best friend, but also because somehow I knew you were meant to be more, and you’re the only person who could be more.” She let her hand move down his face to cup his cheek. “I think I finally realized that I’d rather be with you and take that risk, rather than never getting to experience it at all.”
Mateo was silent, his own hand coming up to rest on top of hers. “Wow,” he breathed. “Maybe I should’ve gotten myself impaled sooner then.”
It wasn’t really a funny joke. It was probably even too soon after the whole ordeal they went through, but Elena began to laugh at the absurdity of the statement, and then she couldn't stop. Mateo ended up joining in, until the two were laughing so hard they were nearly in tears.
They didn’t stop until Mateo finally groaned, his hand reaching for his side as the movements pulled at his wound.
“Sorry,” Elena apologized breathlessly, but Mateo waved away her concern.
“I’ve never felt better,” he assured, his eyes sparkling. “So does this...does this mean you’ll go out on a date with me?” He then asked with a crooked grin, one that sent her heart pounding.
“Seeing as we’ve already confessed our love to each other and technically kissed, I think a date would be perfect,” she said, feeling her face flush happily.
Mateo laughed again. “Of course we ended up doing it backwards. Honestly though, knowing us, I wouldn’t expect anything less.” He squeezed her hand, and then looked at her slyly. “I gotta admit though, I don’t really remember that kiss too well, might need to have a redo…”
If her face was flushed before, she was sure it was absolutely red by now, but she gave him a wink, leaning forward slowly and watching his face morph from their playful banter to an expression of both awe and nervous anticipation. “Well, since you asked so nicely…” she said, her voice low. She leaned forward, her eyes closing as she felt his hot breath fan out over her face, her heart pounding even harder as she was fully aware of what she was doing this time, but her lips had barely brushed against his when the door to Mateo’s room opened wide and in came an ecstatic Rafa.
“ Mijo! It’s so good to see you awake agai—oh!” She stopped as Elena reeled backward, jumping off the bed as though it had burned her. “Ooohhh,” Rafa said again, her eyes going wide as she covered her mouth with her hands. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, perhaps I should come back later?” she asked, the initial shock quickly replaced by intrigue, a knowing smirk growing on her face.
“No, it’s fine, I was uh, just um, saying goodbye,” Elena stuttered, trying to be casual about it. “Um, I’ll come see you this evening if you're awake,” she said to Mateo, and despite the embarrassment they were both feeling, she couldn’t help but grin happily at him, too elated that he was here and alive and hers to care about being interrupted.
“Sounds great,” Mateo agreed, and with a quick wave Elena left the room, and left poor Mateo to a no doubt relentless interrogation with his mom.
But as she walked down the halls of the palace, she found that she didn’t care who knew about her newfound feelings for her friend, and in fact was excited to share them. Despite everything that had happened, it had all worked out for the best, even though it did seem hopeless in the moment, and once again she had succeeded in another obstacle life had thrown her way. But now she knew that whatever came next, she would have Mateo beside her to help her through it, and if the past fews days were an indication of anything, it was that together, they could handle everything that came their way.
And for the first time in a long time, she finally felt ready for the future.