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Nagazora was dawned cloudy and cold with a heavy rain that would’ve chilled Raiden Mei the longer she stood unmoving, though, as a herrscher she couldn’t feel any discomfort towards the cold weather. The feeling of the cold raindrops hitting her body did not bother her one bit. In fact, it brought her a feeling of tranquility.
The rain had always reminded her of both the good and bad days, the days when she was still young and naive, not knowing about the pain she was about to experience later on in the future, being played by the hands of fate.
The days where she had felt the utmost worst, where she had questioned her own existence, where she wanted to be alone and bask in silence all by herself and yet, at the same time wanted to be surrounded by people who would constantly talk to her and tried to get her attention because she did not want to think about negative things. Those were all her contradictory feelings.
It was back in those days, in Chiba Academy, where she had thought of her father, who had never really paid much attention to her and just let things drift as the ME corp took up too much of his time, making him spend more time focusing on his business than he had ever did with his own daughter. It was at times like those where she thought she had the strongest heart for being able to handle all on her own without her father, but once her father had been framed and sent to prison, only then was she proved wrong, and from then on, her life started spiralling downhill, for many heavy and tormenting months.
She remembered those agonizingly slow and painful months, where she had received multiple bruises from getting beaten up by bullies, cuts and burns from trying to cook, but none of those pains could compare with the pain she had felt in her heart. The pain which she could not express or talk to anyone about because no one had wanted to talk to, yet alone associate with her. The pain she had felt when she realized that all of her so-called friends only used her for her fame and money.
It was when she was alone, without any friends or family back then, where she had started to wonder what her life would be like in the future. Alone? She didn't even have a dream at all, she didn't even know where she would be in a year, she didn’t even care about what would happen to her from then on, she didn’t have any plans. It was just good enough for her to be alive. But as the torment got worse day by day, she realized she didn’t even want to stay alive anymore.
What was the point of living? She had thought to herself. Nothing mattered to her anymore. She was not wanted anywhere. Her teachers, her classmates and even her “friends” had given her scornful looks wherever she walked. The malice shown towards her by people whom she once trusted suffocated her, she felt herself sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness with no way out.
Maybe after that, the gods had decided to take pity on her and gave her a brief moment of happiness, where the thick darkness that she was once trapped in was pierced by a ray of light. It was warm and reassuring, she had found solace in it.
Kiana Kaslana, that was the name of the ray of light which she had come to love and care for.
Mei remembered the way Kiana would always steal her food, trying to distract her by telling her to look elsewhere everytime just to steal it. She fell for it the first time, but as for the rest, she knew that Kiana was lying but to make her happy, she played along up until the day she had decided to prepare another portion just for Kiana and from then on, her culinary skills improved.
Kiana had tried to prepare a bento for her as well, multiple times in fact, but the food had always ended up burnt. Though, Mei didn’t care that it was burnt and ate it, much to Kiana’s dismay. That was when she had, by a slip of the tongue, told her that a bento wasn't just about the food, when she knew about how special the person who made it for her was.
And when she said those words by accident, she remembered her face heating up in embarrassment as those words had slipped out of her tongue unintentionally. Though, she was glad that it did because she wouldn't trade that adorable smile that Kiana had given her on that day for anything.
Mei finally moved after staying at one place for so long, towards the entrance of Chiba Academy and smiled, it was at this particular entrance where she remembered Kiana offering Mei her umbrella, tossing it to her and running away right after, not caring about herself at all. Mei remembered staring at her retreating back with great concern of Kiana possibly falling sick, even though the Kaslana herself said that she wouldn’t, it didn't reassure her at all at the time.
Upon entering the school, The raven haired girl walked up and towards one of her old classrooms, caressing the walls with the utmost care. The Kaslana had defended her from her bullies at this particular classroom, standing up against her seniors just for her. And when those bullies had run away, she remembered Kiana telling her that Mei was Mei, with or without the case when Mei had questioned her.
That was the first time Mei had realized that she finally had a friend that genuinely cared for her well being and not for her status.
It was also in this same classroom where everyone had thrown anything that they had owned to her, from crumpled pieces of papers to broken pencils, she remembered one of the students, amongst the crowd who shouted at her, insulting her family, insulting her, and telling her that she was defenseless right now since that “white haired knight” of hers wasn't there to protect her. That was when Raiden Mei succumbed to that surge of power she had felt.
Once Mei had woken up once again, she looked at her surroundings in horror, trying to end her life right then and there by jumping off the building, but her friend had saved her once again, reaching out to grab her hand, proving her time and time again that Kiana had genuinely cared for her. With great reluctance, Mei accepted Kiana’s hand and was once again pulled out from the darkness into the light by the same person. From then on, her fate had been changed.
From then on, the girls wandered around the streets of Nagazora, killing off any zombies or honkai beasts that had gotten in their ways.
Mei then left the classroom and walked towards the roof top of her old and abandoned school, looking down on the streets of Nagazora from there. She remembered how the both of them had found Bronya, the girl which she had come to care for like her own little sister. She remembered the pity she had felt for the young girl when she saw the scars she had, feeling anger towards those who had taken care of Bronya. Though later on, she found out that the one who was taking care of Bronya, was also the one who implanted the stigmata onto her when she was just eight years old.
The three of them mindlessly wandered around the streets of Nagazora together for months before one day, a powerful honkai beast had attacked them which had caused Kiana to get severely injured as she quickly pushed Mei away and took the hit for her. Thinking that she was dead, Mei let out a loud scream, letting her herrscher side take over once more, killing the beast with ease.
Not long after she had killed the beast, a battleship came by, which had attacked her for they had mistook her as the enemy. With anger, the herrscher and the battleship clashed.
Moments after fighting the battleship, when she was about to claim her victory, Kiana had woken up and ripped out the herrschers wings, making the herrscher fall back into deep slumber. Right after that, her life seemed to be at ease, where she had enrolled in St Freya after meeting her motherly figure, Himeko, her best friend as well as her principal, Theresa and her beloved class monitor, Fu Hua.
But of course, not all good things last as Schicksal’s overseer, Otto Apocalypse, had ordered Fu Hua to kidnap Kiana, which caused the Herrscher of the Void to reawaken.
The reawakening of the Herrscher of the Void was devastating, her gem of conquest being stolen by the herrscher, giving her great powers as she unleashed those powers and started destroying places, killing hundreds of people, including Himeko.
And right after that, they went on a search to find Kiana. But once they had found her, she was no longer the Kiana she knew. Everything was new about her, from the way she had spoken to the way she kept her emotions intact, back then, whenever Kiana had seen her, she would have pounced onto her and pulled her into the biggest, most bone crushing hug. But when the white haired knight hadn't done that at the time, it had shocked her... It had hurt her.
Maybe that was when she first felt the pain in both her heart and lungs. The feeling of thorns cutting up her lungs as she was at a loss for words when the drifter refused to go back to the hyperion. The feeling of her heart shattering into a million pieces when the girl she once viewed as her sun, her light, the one she had found comfort in didn't reciprocate her hug when they were reunited after four months. She had felt immense pain after hearing the drifters’ pained, quivering voice when the girl had spoken.
“Give me some time, Mei. We must leave this place quickly. I need to save this city from disaster… before we can talk about other things.” the white haired knight said in a somber voice.
“I understand.” Mei paused, the thorns were cutting up her insides, “Rita told me everything.”
Mei looked at Kiana, tears brimming at the corners of her eyes, “Kiana… I want you to know that I-” the petals were threatening to spew out of her throat, causing her to pause once more. Swallowing hard, “...That everyone on the Hyperion will always be waiting for you.” she croaked out.
To which Kiana had replied with a nod before turning around to face the enemies.
While Kiana was distracted with the enemies, Mei quickly covered her mouth and let out a cough, staring at her hands in disbelief when she had seen petals that had droplets of blood on them. They were the petals of an Asphodel flower.
“What the…” she quietly whispered to herself, confused with the petals that she was currently holding. She quickly shook her head and recovered, she didn’t have time to think, there were enemies right in front of her. Rushing to Kiana’s side to assist her in fighting, she threw the petals away and left them behind.
She did it. Kiana had done it. She saved Arc City. Mei should've felt relief, but all she could feel was fear when she had seen Kiana’s unconscious body fall from the sky. Mei ran as fast as she could, killing any honkai beasts or mechs that had gotten in her way quickly, hoping to catch Kiana and break her fall. She coughed as she ran, it hurt. Her lungs hurt. She was having a hard time breathing as she coughed out those petals. Her pain be damned, she had to save Kiana.
Suddenly, a tree had started sprouting out of nowhere, breaking Kiana’s fall which worried Mei even more as she started running faster towards Kiana’s landing point, towards the tree. Right before her eyes stood Schicksals strongest valkyrie, holding Kiana captive causing a fight to break out between the blonde haired knight and the raven haired girl.
The battle didn’t even last that long as the strongest valkyrie in Schicksal had defeated her with ease and left, taking Kiana’s unconscious body along with her. Mei tried her best to chase her, her muscles screaming at her to stop before she fell onto her knees.
“Nothing I can do at all…”
Mei hugged her beloved’s jacket tightly, it was the only thing that she had of her, the only thing she managed to save that was a part of her. Mei coughed violently as she sobbed, petals and blood came spewing right out, the sun shining at the white petals that were stained with her own blood, staring back at her as if they were mocking her.
It was as if they were laughing over the fact that she couldn’t save her young knight despite how hard she tried as she was too weak. The pain she felt of not being able to save Kiana combined with the thorns ripping up her insides were slowly killing her. She hated herself, she couldn’t go on like this, she needed to change.
She hated this, she was once again played by the hands of fate. Every given moment that she managed to find Kiana, she would always take a step further. The girl she came to know and love was slowly drifting away from her, leaving her grasps.
Mei stretched her arm out, reaching out for something or someone to hold her, to tell her that everything was going to be okay, but she knew deep down in her heart that no one would accept her outstretched arm, she knew Kiana was no longer there to hold her hand and reassure her that everything would be okay, she knew that Kiana was no longer the same girl she had met long ago. Kiana had changed, everyone she knew and loved had changed, except for her.
Mei felt as though she remained the same naive girl she was three years ago. The same girl who couldn’t do anything, the same girl who relied on people to protect her.
Before Mei could process anything she started coughing out more violently, a whole bunch of Asphodels came spewing out, the white coloured flowers reminded her of her best friend. The flowers growing in her lungs were just as beautiful as the white haired girl she came to love.
The flower and her friend had a lot in common, she thinks.
The flower, just like her friend who saved a whole city, was a remedy to hundreds of people, including her. But as time went on, it slowly killed her on the inside. The flower was eating up her insides, causing her immense pain, similar to the pain she felt when the Kiana she knew ended up straying further and further away from her.
The Herrscher of Thunder took a deep breath, standing on the railings of Chiba Academy, looking over Nagazora and its inhabitable state. At the corner of her eyes, Mei spotted a familiar building, her heart tightening as it reminded her of the time she found an unconscious Kiana in it.
She remembered carrying the unconscious girl back to the Helios and receiving news from Tesla that the girl had only two months left to live. She was shocked to say the least, she felt the petals rise up her throat once more, making her excuse herself right after she received the news. That night, Raiden Mei couldn’t get a wink of sleep at all, she could hardly breathe as well as get her friend off her mind.
She could do nothing but sob as she violently vomited out bile that was accompanied with petals.
Mei feared seeing her white haired friend again once she was awake, anxious that she had changed, but much to her surprise at the time, she didn’t change one bit.
Holding Kiana tightly in her arms, the familiar warmth she felt reminded her of the good times, back when the two of them didn’t have a care in the world, when they held hands and fell asleep together on the benches outside of St Freya once classes were over. It was as if nothing had changed and that everything was going to be fine.
“Mei…” Kiana whispered, her cheeks were flushed red as she looked away from the raven haired girl, “You’re too close…”
“Hmm…” Mei moved closer, “You didn’t seem to mind back then,” the raven haired girl caressed the other girl’s cheek gently making Kiana look back at her in surprise, their eyes locked, “In fact, you loved it.”
The thorns were stabbing her insides again, petals were threatening to spill out of her causing Mei to swallow it down and sigh deeply, trying her best to ignore the pain.
“Mei..” The girl in front of her called out, her head tilted to the side as she stared at her with curiosity, “Is there something bothering you?”
Mei shook her head and brought the girl back into a tight embrace, “Everythings fine Kiana,” she lied, “I'm just glad you’re back.”
Kiana was silent after that, returning Mei’s embrace without another word.
—
The both of them had gone out for a walk after that much to Kiana’s delight, killing honkai beasts whenever they spotted one.
It was nice like this. Mei thought to herself as she looked at the shorter girl beside her and giggled as she thought of Kiana’s flushed face when she told her that her jacket suited her.
“What’s so funny?” The girl beside her asked, looking at her with curiosity which Mei thought was adorable.
“Nothing~” Mei replied teasingly, ruffling the girl’s silky, white hair with a smile.
“H-hey!” Kiana shouted, her cheeks turning red once again, “Fine! Don’t tell me then!” she pouted and looked away in embarrassment, “A-anyways, how far have we gone?”
Mei giggled at her reaction and attempt at changing the subject, “Quite far lets take a rest.” she replied.
The girls sat on the pavement, looking at the abandoned buildings around them as the both of them reminisced about the past with Mei teasing her about how she wouldn’t stop talking about food.
“Is that all you could remember? Ugh… Mei… You’ve changed…”
Something about those words she said had made her heart clenched tightly. At that time, back in Arc City, you were the one who changed.
The both of them had fallen into a comfortable silence once they had finished talking about the past with Mei holding Kiana in her arms tightly, the both of them enjoying each other's warmth in contrast to the cold weather.
Mei looked at the smaller girl snuggled up beside her and felt a sharp pain stinging in her heart, the girl she loved only had two months left to live, two months left for them to enjoy each others company, two months left for them to spend time together, two months left before she had to say goodbye to her.
“Kiana…” Mei whispered, her grip on the white haired girl had tightened. Mei didn’t want these last two months with her to be filled with any regrets. She didn’t want to hold her true feelings back any longer.
“Hm?” Kiana responded with a hum, looking up at her with sleepy eyes. Her heart tightened.
Mei closed her eyes and took a deep breath, ignoring the pain she felt doing so, caressing Kiana’s cheeks once again, bumping their foreheads as well as their noses together before she once again opened her eyes to stare deeply into the knight's ones, as if she were trying to convey what was on her mind.
“Mei—”
“I love you.”
Kiana’s breath hitched the moment those words came out of her, her face turning as equally red as her own. Time seemed to have stopped at that moment, the sound of the rain could no longer be heard, she could only hear her heart pounding vigorously against her chest.
She was afraid of the other girl’s answer.
Closing her eyes once more, she moved her head towards Kiana's shoulder and laid there, feeling the girl stiffened as she did so.
“You don’t have to say anything… You don't have to love me too,” Mei whispered, “Just know that I love you... and…” she hesitated before finishing her sentence, “...it would be great if you’d let me love you.”
It felt like an eternity before Mei felt herself being lifted off of Kiana’s shoulders, her eyes finding its way back to stare into those blue ones once more as she felt her cheeks being caressed by the white haired girl. Mei could never find herself getting tired of staring into those blue eyes.
“Why are you crying Mei?” Kiana asked her gently, wiping away the tears that she hadn’t known had fallen.
“I love you too, Mei.”
A beat. Mei felt that her heart was beating rapidly against her chest, her face heating up way more than it already was, her ears were ringing, and yet at the same time, she felt the thorns quickly ripping up her insides, the petals of the Asphodel flowers that bloomed in her lungs was threatening to spill out once more. Mei took a deep breath to hold it in as she stared at the girl in front of her once more with widened eyes.
The knight was smiling, but the smile she had adorned didn’t reach her eyes. It looked sad.
Slowly, Kiana leaned in first, pulling Mei in for a kiss which caught her by surprise, causing the raven haired girl to not move at first, watching Kiana closing in on her slowly before she leaned forward as well, feeling Kiana’s breath fanning her face, and for what seemed like an eternity, their lips finally connected.
Time seemed to have stopped once more when Mei’s lips had met hers, the fluttering in her chest intensified as she could feel her heart pounding wildly against her chest. She couldn’t focus on anything other than how soft Kiana’s lips were against her own. The raven haired girl thought that it was rather addicting as she felt Kiana intertwining their fingers together in between the kiss. She didn’t want this to end, she wanted the kiss to last forever.
But of course, all good things must come to an end as Mei felt the thorns stabbing her insides growing increasingly worse, forcing Mei to separate herself from the white haired girl’s lips as she took a deep breath and stared into the girl's blue eyes once more.
Her face was extremely red, her lips were slightly swollen and her white hair was slightly disheveled. Mei reached out to brush the girl’s white locks away from her face, tucking it behind her ears as she did so.
Hanahaki…
If your love was requited by the one whom you fell for, it should be gone right? The thorns stabbing your insides, the urge to throw flowers up, should be gone… right?
But then why did she still have it?
Mei wrapped her arms around Kiana’s waist, bringing her into a tight embrace as she found herself burying into Kiana’s shoulders once more, hiding her reddened face with a frown as she felt tears stinging at the corner of her eyes that were threatening to spill out once more.
Mei fully knew the reason why.
She let out a shaky breath before proceeding to plant small kisses onto the girl’s neck, allowing reality to hit her.
Kiana didn’t actually love her back.
The raven haired girl stayed there, hiding her face on Kiana’s shoulders as she tried to regain her composure. Once she did, she forced herself to stand, offering Kiana a helping hand to which she gladly accepted, pulling her up even though her knees felt quite weak.
“Well then,” Mei forced a smile, “Let’s go.”
Kiana hummed happily in agreement or so she wanted to believe as the both of them walked further down Nagazora with their hands intertwined.
Mei let out a silent laugh at that memory. It was a laugh that was laced with pain as she stared up towards the dark sky, letting her clothes get soaked by the heavy downpour. The rain didn’t seem to be stopping any time soon, it was as if someone out there was crying for her. Pitying her for she had to face this cruel fate. The fate of which played her for a fool, where it made it seem like her life would be fine at one moment and in the next, everything would go downhill.
The Herrscher stared at her hands that were rather shaky before she hopped off the railings to stand on the roof once more, looking around and staring at the mess that both Kiana and she had made before they parted ways. The parting had to be done. It was to save her. Mei was ready to leave Kiana as soon as she heard that becoming a Herrscher once again was able to cure her. And two weeks after she had left, she felt that the flowers were no longer there– no longer tormenting her and giving her a hard time to breathe.
Mei thought that maybe, just maybe Kiana had finally loved her back, that Kiana was genuinely in love with her this time. But what Mei wasn’t prepared for was to receive news about Kiana’s death a month after the flowers no longer afflicted her.
She felt for her own throat, wishing that somehow, that it was all a lie, that Raven had lied to her just to torment her… That Theresa was lying just to get her to come back. But the beautiful flowers that once shared the same body as her had disappeared, which further proved to her that Theresa and Raven’s words weren't a lie. Kiana had died… Kiana had killed herself… Kiana wasn't able to withstand the constant misery the Herrscher of the Void had put her through any longer.
At that moment, Mei wished that the flowers that once tormented her would come back and hurt her just to reassure her that Kiana was alive and well. She wished that she could turn back time and stayed with Kiana until her final moments instead of leaving.
“Kiana…” Mei said aloud, hoping that Kiana was out there somewhere to hear her.
Mei raised her blade towards her neck, feeling the cold metal against her throat, her tears that she thought were once long gone came streaming down her cheeks once more.
“I’ll be joining you soon…”
And with one swift movement of her hand, Mei fell as blood came gushing out of her neck. To her, the pain on her neck meant nothing. It was no greater than the pain she felt in her heart which was beyond repair now.
When Mei was on the floor bleeding out, only then did she finally felt at peace.
“When I said that the world means nothing to me without you in it, I meant it.”
She closed her eyes, feeling her breathing growing shallower within each second that had passed. A death like this wasn’t so bad after all.
Not too long after, Mei’s breathing stopped. Her body was found cold and unmoving on the roof of Chiba Academy, where everything had started and also ended.