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Carlos had raised a brow at his cousin when she stopped by for her monthly family dinner at the Reyes residence with a request on her lips. She wanted to use the ranch for her wedding. Carlos knew that barn weddings were popular, especially in Texas. But those were for the barns and ranches built by yuppies, with their hundred thousand dollar horses and views of hundreds of acres untouched by cattle and most aspects of ranch life. Mariana had seen their ranch, in fact she had worked on it, side by side with Carlos through most summers of their teenage years. So he was surprised that despite knowing exactly what it looked like, she still wanted to get married there.
What he wasn’t surprised by was Gabriel’s quick affirmative answer, followed by an affectionate hug given to his niece. Carlos also hadn’t been surprised when his mother had once divulged to him that his father had always hoped to give Carlos a little sister. And while that hadn’t been in the cards, Mariana filled the role whenever she visited. Gabriel Reyes was a man of hard truths and strong convictions, but his soft spot was his family, and somehow Mariana had managed to find the softest spot of all.
As a kid and throughout his teens, something about that had rubbed Carlos the wrong way, but as he grew, as his own relationship with his father changed and grew with him, he knew it was just a different sort of bond, not one he had to be jealous of. They had their issues, but none of them were caused by Mariana’s bond with his father, the only father figure she had in her life, her own having died overseas when she was young.
But Carlos also knew that his father’s dedication to do right by his niece and the current state of the barn meant any weekends off in the near future were long gone. He had been able to drag TK out more than the paramedic probably would have liked, and despite his playful complaints, he knew that much like Carlos, they were just happy to be able to spend time together, especially as the wedding drew closer and Carlos felt he was barely home anymore.
The wedding was only a week away when TK spoke up from the corner of the barn which he was sweeping. “You know, you still haven’t asked me to be your plus one yet.” If TK had said the same thing a year ago, Carlos knows he would have heard insecurity dripping from the words, small drops hitting the floor as Carlos would have stood there in silence as he tried to figure out what to say, how to avoid his two worlds colliding together.
But it wasn’t a year ago, and TK’s words were light and teasing, trying to get a rise out of Carlos. “Yeah, about that…” Carlos started, and before he could finish, a few straws of hay were heading his way, falling to the floor woefully short of their intended target. “TK did you seriously think I was going to make you help me clean up the barn and then not invite you?”
“Well, no, but a guy does like a little ceremony.”
“When have we ever stood on ceremony?” Carlos asked, a brow raised in his boyfriend’s direction. Hell, they had never done anything quite according to societal norms.
“I would just like to be officially invited, is all. Don’t want to show up and half your family be like...Who’s the gringo?” TK’s eyes danced mischievously as Carlos neared him, his plan of distraction clearly working.
“In that case,” Carlos began before taking the final step into TK’s space, arms wrapping around his boyfriend’s waist. “TK, you wanna go to a wedding with me?” Despite knowing it was all semantics, and TK had always been invited, the warmth that Carlos felt bloom in his chest at the idea of TK at a family event was anything but perfunctory.
“Really?” TK joked, a faux look of surprise on his face at the question as he brought his arms around Carlos’ neck. “Well I’d have to check my schedule, but if I’m free, I’d love to.” There was a soft look on the shorter man’s face that Carlos had come to learn was reserved just for him. And there was something about that fact that always made his stomach dance. It had taken him a while to realize, but he’d notice TK smiling in conversation while talking to Owen, or Judd or really any of the 126, and then his eyes would slide over to Carlos, and it’d change. It was all warm spring eyes and a smile that swept through him like a bracing breeze.
“You do realize this means you’re going to have to face the rest of my family, right?”
“Are you trying to make it seem like anything could be more terrifying than meeting your father? A literal Texas ranger?”
“No, no, but---They’re an...Interesting bunch.” Some were merely eclectic and quirky, some were religious, some were judgemental and old school, some were loud and obnoxious. But regardless, they were family. And while it had been a year since TK had met his parents, Carlos would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little nervous about introducing TK to his extended family.
“I’m sorry, but you’ve met my mother and father, right?”
~~~
Despite worrying from everyone, Texas kept it’s promise of beautiful weather and the last minute predicted rain shower did not make an appearance during the outdoor ceremony. In fact he saw quite a few people (his own boyfriend included) with the rosy kiss of the sun spread across their cheeks and noses.
Carlos almost didn’t recognize the barn as they came up on it. The outside was still the worn structure he had known his entire life, but lights and candles and decorations spilled forth from it’s insides, inviting the guests with warm welcome to explore it. The dance floor and a majority of tables were inside, making Carlos realize just how large the space was when not taken up by stalls and their occupants. There were a smattering of tables, along with a bar outside as well. Good planning as seeing even with a fairly small guest list it was a bit cramped inside.
“Wow, she really pulled out all the stops, huh?” TK murmured as they lingered before the entrance to the barn, his eyes unable to settle on just one thing, darting from place to place. Although Carlos figured that might also have something to do with the nerves. Carlos had given him the rundown on most of the family members that would be in attendance, in hopes to prepare him and make everything all a bit easier, but now he’s afraid he just made him more tense. Carlos ran his thumb in soothing circles on the back of TK’s hand that was clasped with his own, an attempt to be a grounding presence.
Carlos (and thus TK) had spent the last few minutes before the ceremony began helping out his parents and Mariana as needed, so they hadn’t even gotten to mingle with the other guests beforehand, leaving them quite literally having to jump into the deep end at the reception. Much like with his parents, Carlos’ extended family had known he was gay for quite awhile, having come out in his late teens. But before TK, not once had he ever introduced someone to his family, never quite ready to take that step, to make that leap.
Technically, he hadn’t even made that leap with his own parents, it was Gabriel’s knowing eyes and soft spoken ‘boyfriend’ in reference to TK after the whole kidnapping debacle that made Carlos realize he hadn’t been fooling anyone. That he hadn’t needed to fool anyone. He had been so worried about ‘rubbing their noses in it’ that he didn’t realize they were instead patiently waiting until Carlos felt safe enough to introduce someone to them.
“Unto the breach or do you need a moment?” he asked quietly, soft brown eyes trained on his boyfriend’s face, trying to catch the tell-tale signs of stress; a furrowed brow, or teeth worrying over his bottom lip.
One deep breath and TK’s eyes met his own, “I’m ready, let’s go.”
~~~
Carlos had a tendency to expect the worst. He just found it easier, keeping the bar low and all of that. Things didn’t hurt as much if you were already expecting them to go horribly. Like the time he and TK had gotten in a fight over Carlos introducing him as ‘a friend from work’ when they had run into his parents unexpectedly. TK had come over after some time apart to talk and Carlos’ first question was ‘Are we breaking up?’.
He had spent the time between the fight and their reunion steeling himself for that possibility, thinking about how it would go in vivid detail, desensitizing himself to the idea, so when it would inevitably happen, it wouldn’t punch quite as big of a hole in his chest as it would have otherwise. But then they hadn’t, and his heart skipped in both fear and joy. Fear at just how real this relationship was, at how he was fairly sure this was ‘the one’, and joy in knowing he had been wrong.
All that being said, Carlos had expected the reception to be a bit of a clusterfuck. Perhaps it was a bit self centered of him, thinking that family and friends of family would be so up in arms about him bringing TK that they would cause a scene at a wedding, but he had genuinely been expecting it. So when that didn’t happen, he was more than happily surprised.
Any sly comments were mostly directed at Carlos, teasing him, accusing him in jest of being ashamed of them as a reason for not bringing any of his past boyfriends around. They were all, of course, charmed senseless by TK, who was all seafoam green eyes and easy smiles, the epitome of politeness with just a dash of mischief as he lavished compliments upon the abuelas and tias and cousins. That boy certainly knew how to work a crowd.
The most negative interactions were even barely that. There were a few forced smiles, and some confusion as he introduced TK as his ‘partner’, only for him to be asked how he liked working with Carlos on the force, which Carlos had to awkwardly correct with a clearing of his throat and clarification of ‘No, like...My partner in life.”
Carlos hadn’t missed the surprised look on TK’s face when he had introduced him to everyone as his ‘partner’, though, and he knew he was going to hear about it at some point. Which came sooner than he would have liked.
“Partner, huh?” Carlos was at least relieved to hear the lilt of amusement in TK’s voice before he looked over to him from their position on the outskirts of the reception.
“How do you feel about that?” he asked quietly, despite TK’s positive seeming demeanor, there was still a kink in Carlos’ gut at the whole thing. It had just rolled off his tongue, and then he had just rolled with it, loving the weight of the word in his mouth. It did surprise him though, how only a little more than a year ago, Carlos had fumbled on the word ‘boyfriend’ in front of his parents, too scared of it’s heft, of it’s body, and had instead garbled out ‘friend’, but now here he was, proudly and wantonly letting the word ‘partner’ spill from his mouth.
“Just wondering when I got that promotion, is all.”
“I just…--” Carlos paused, unsure of how to phrase all the words that were barreling through his mind. “I mean we’ve been together for two years, we live together and I don’t know...Boyfriend just seems juvenile for someone who I’m bringing to a family wedding. I mean you gotta admit, usually that suggests there is some longevity predicted for the relationship.” The last bit was spoken with an uneasy smile, almost as if joking, self doubt sometimes still at home in his bones, always unsure of his place, unsure if TK felt the way he did.
He was fairly certain TK could read his mind, or at least knew all of his tells, as soon his partner’s hands were cupping either side of his face, green eyes meeting his brown ones, silent words speaking volumes as they looked upon one another. And then TK brought him in for an embrace, arms wrapped around Carlos’ waist, face buried in his neck, a gentle and chaste kiss placed on the skin right above the collar of his dress shirt, and Carlos couldn’t help but return one as well as his arms wrapped around TK’s shoulders. It was a reassurance that at least for now, in this moment, they were both on the same exact page, the same word, the same letter even. The future they saw for their relationship was the same, and that made Carlos realize the breath he had been holding for so long, from before TK, brought over from other relationships where sometimes it felt like they had even been on different chapters, or even entire fucking books.
Pulling back, Carlos couldn’t help the annoyingly love struck smile that took over his face, nor could he stop the words that came spilling out of his mouth. “I love you Ty,” the words weren’t anything new or revolutionary, they had been said times before, more casual versions of ‘love you’ while running out the door to work were thrown around nearly every morning, but this time was different. These words were a promise, a threat, a dedication.
“I love you too, ‘Los.” The words were just as sincere, even with the added “But I swear to God if you’re thinking about pulling some crazy shit like proposing at your cousin’s wedding, I’ll kill you. If Mariana doesn’t first.”
“Threatening an officer of the law, TK Strand? That’s an arrestable offence.” Carlos batted back.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re just looking for another excuse to bust the handcuffs out.” he replied with a wink, before his hands, which had previously been stationed at Carlos’ waist, dropped to his side. “And not to distract you from that amazing thought but...I’m thinking you missed someone in the introduction rounds, though, because that guy has been staring at us and does not look happy.”
Carlos cocked a brow at that and tilted his head in confusion at his boyfriend, fairly sure that he had introduced TK to everyone, but began to run through a mental list anyways, trying to think if he missed anyone who would be upset about not getting an introduction. Still sure that he hadn’t, he finally turned to the direction TK had gestured to with a nod of his head, and as soon as he made eye contact with the person he had been referring to, a few choice expletives slipped from his lips.
TK’s eyes widened at that, knowing Carlos wasn’t much for swearing, and in some attempt to relax him, he began to joke “What, is that an ex or something?”, and Carlos’ face must have betrayed him greatly, because a soft ‘oh’ fell from TK’s mouth in response.
“How do you want to play this? Want me to steer us away or do you just wanna get this over with?” he asked Carlos, and the fact that TK had offered him choices and was obviously willing to support him in whichever he chose gave Carlos the confidence to choose the latter.
“Probably best if we just get it over with. I mean, it’ll be awkward, but when is seeing your ex at a wedding not?” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood as the man began his approach towards the two. “Regardless, thank you.” the last words were whispered.
“For what?”
Carlos didn’t have time to respond before his ex was upon them. Didn’t have time to thank TK for always being in his corner, for taking the time to understand where he was coming from even when Carlos felt like he wasn’t making much sense and his emotions were a chaotic mess, for making Carlos feel safe enough to express himself without the self doubt creeping in and making him expect the worst.
“Antonio,” he greeted as the man reached them, he tried to give a warm smile, one that said bygones were bygones, and tried to initiate peace despite their rocky ending, but it fell short of it’s goal.
“Carlos, long time no see.” His face looked pinched and his voice sounded displeased as his eyes flicked from Carlos’ face to TK’s and then down to where their hands had become joined at some point. “And who’s this?”
Carlos had been expecting awkward, with the way their relationship had ended, even if they saw each other for the first time again ten years after their breakup, it was still going to be awkward. But he wasn’t expecting the hostility, the way his eyes were trained with laser beam focus on TK’s face. He wasn’t insane or cocky enough to think that Antonio was jealous, it had been five years, after all. There was no world in which a handsome guy like Antonio hadn’t moved on to greener pastures.
But there was something about his demeanor that made Carlos question his own deduction…
“This is TK, my partner. TK this is Antonio, an old friend.”
“Old friend, huh?” The man questioned, his voice pitched up and with an almost hysterical edge to it.
The second the words ‘old’ and ‘friend’ had fallen from Carlos’ mouth, he knew they had been a mistake. He wasn’t trying to cause hurt with them, just found it awkward to announce Antonio has his ex, and didn’t see the harm in using the term when it was obvious all three of the men knew exactly what his relationship to Antonio was. But he had forgotten, just for a moment, while lost in the security and warmth of his current relationship, just how insecure and cold his last one had been. He had forgotten that while he and TK had been able to come back from Carlos introducing him as ‘friend’, Antonio and he had not been able to.
~~~5 years ago~~~
“I can’t believe you just tried to do that,” Carlos whispered, shell shocked at the events that had just occurred. His heart was still beating wildly in his chest, and his stomach was doing flips as if it were trying to land a spot in the Olympics.
“Can’t believe I tried to do what? Be your boyfriend?” Antonio asked in response, a level of acidity that Carlos had never witnessed present in his voice.
“No, I can’t believe you just tried to out me.”
“I wasn’t outting you, you’re out to your family. I was just trying to introduce myself. God, the drama Carlos.”
“We discussed this, you knew I wasn’t ready to introduce you to my parents as my boyfriend yet. I haven’t….I haven’t introduced anybody to them. You knew this was a big deal to me so stop acting as if what you did was okay! You knew what you were doing.” You knew that I wasn’t ready and you tried to push forwards anyway, Carlos thought.
They had been out and about, spending the day together when Carlos had received a fairly panicked phone call from his mother. His father was away at some sort of law enforcement conference so she had been left to take care of the ranch chores herself for the weekend, and while leading a horse to a troff, the horse had spooked and his mother had twisted her ankle while trying to step out of the way. She was stressed out at the idea of chores going unfinished, or god forbid asking someone who wasn’t family for help.
Of course Carlos insisted that he would be right over, but with an eager look from his boyfriend, he asked if she’d mind if he brought along his friend who he was out with currently. After hanging up with her, he shot Antonio a surprised look, eyebrow raised.
“You do realize we’re probably gonna be mucking stalls and getting covered in shit all day, right?”
“Yeah, well worth it if I get to meet the infamous Andrea Reyes, though.”
“Okay, fine, but...They don’t--”
“Yeah, yeah, I know Carlos,”
Turns out he did know, but he just didn’t care. Before stepping forward to introduce himself to Carlos’ mother, he shot a look back at Carlos, one that ruminating on it later on, Carlos knew was him saying ‘this is for your own good’, before the word ‘boyfriend’ started to slip from his mouth. Before it could, Carlos quickly intercepted and introduced Antonio as his old friend. To anyone, it would have been obvious what had transpired, and years later it would be clear to Carlos that his mother definitely knew what had happened, knew what Antonio had been trying to say, and how Carlos had stopped him. But in the moment, he thought he had covered it well, and had stopped a--in his mind--disaster from transpiring.
“Get out. Please.” The words are barely a whisper, and jump abruptly from Carlos’ mouth, enough so that he surprises even himself with them.
“You can’t be serious right now.” Is the only response, he doesn’t apologize, he doesn’t beg for forgiveness, instead he questions incredulously, as if how could Carlos ever deign to throw him out?
“As a heart attack.”
“You’re being ridiculous, Carlos. This entire thing is ridiculous. We’ve been dating for a year, you’re out to your parents, yet you hide your relationships from them, why is this such a big fucking deal?”
“Because you knew what my boundary was, we talked about it, you agreed to it…---And then you crossed it, you violated it.” A small voice in the back of his mind echoed Antonio’s earlier sentiments, he was being dramatic. It wasn’t that big of a deal. No harm no foul. But, something inside Carlos has shut down, has turned cold, he was scared, he felt vulnerable. He felt unsafe. The person who was supposed to be his partner, supposed to be his oasis, his cool drink in a hot desert...Had turned to ashes in his mouth, soft sands had turned into snakes and scorpions, and something deep within Carlos knew he’d never be able to trust him again.
“I want you out.” He repeated himself, standing up from his sat position on the couch, the position that made him seem small and meager, and boxing his shoulders as he drew himself up to his full height, a good two inches over Antonio. He was no longer asking, not that he ever had been, although he knew Antonio probably had taken it as a suggestion and not a command. “I’ll gather your things and Mariana can get them sometime this weekend.”
Antonio just stared at him, his eyes roaming Carlos’ face, as if waiting for him to break, looking for the cracks in his facade, hoping to find them. But Carlos didn’t move. He didn’t crack. He didn’t break. He simply stood there, a silent sentinel, waiting for his request to be followed.
It was, eventually, and followed by a loud slamming of his front door, and then complete silence as Carlos fell back onto the couch, wondering what the fuck he had just done.
~~~
They hadn’t spoken since that night. There had been no awkward run-ins, no drunk phone calls or texts. No break up sex. Mariana, as the person who had introduced them, had done her best to be an unbiased go-between, dutifully shuttling belongings back and forth between the two men, until all items were back with their rightful owners and there was officially nothing tying them together anymore. And then that had been that.
It was an odd sensation, to have someone so fully in your life in one moment and then completely gone without a trace the next, as if they had never existed. Of course, Carlos had grieved the first serious relationship he had been in. But if he was being honest, he didn’t grieve for long. The more time passed, the more he realized he had been right in his decision, and the more memories of being pushed into things he wasn’t comfortable with seemed to pop up, ugly reminders of just how uneasy he had felt throughout their relationship.
And that’s why he hadn’t even thought about Antonio, of course, attending his close friend’s wedding, Mariana’s wedding. Because after a certain point in time, Carlos had simply stopped thinking about Antonio. Really, the only time he had was a year ago, after that run in with his parents and TK. He realized his inability to bring together those two parts of his life might’ve lost him the person he saw his future with, and he realized just how important TK was to him when there really was no comparison between the pain of losing Antonio versus the pain of losing TK for the same reasons.
Antonio’s response left Carlos with the undeniable urge to say something snarky, maybe even something a bit scathing, but ever the peacemaker, he resisted.
“What? You’re a friend, and we’re definitely starting to get old.” he laughed, trying to smooth over any hurt feelings or frayed nerves, keeping the conversation friendly and upbeat. This was Mariana’s wedding, the absolute last place Carlos intended to make a scene.
TK, ever the trooper, gave a warm-hearted chuckle and jumped in with “Tell me about it, I don’t know about you guys but I already know my knees are going to be killing me tomorrow after all the dancing tonight,”
It seemed as if for the moment, Antonio let Carlos’ misstep slide, and offered an uneasy and plainly forced smile and laughter. It seemed as if he was contemplating saying something else when his plan was interrupted.
“‘Los, Mariana is finally free, should we go give the glowing bride our congratulations?” TK asked, brow raised in a way that Carlos could clearly read. Much like before, he was giving him a decision, an out, leaving it up to Carlos and what he was comfortable with. Escape the situation or stay?
“Good eye, babe, I wanted to give her some travel safety tips for her honeymoon,” And while that wasn’t a lie, Carlos was definitely going to be seeing Mariana between the reception and before she left for her honeymoon, but he figured for all parties involved, this awkward tete-a-tete had gone on long enough. “It was good seeing you, Antonio, I’ll see you around.”
And with that, he gave a tug on TK’s hand, and gently pulled the two away from the situation. It wasn’t until they were a decent distance away did Carlos finally let out the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. TK dropped their hands as he did so, and his hand, now free, came up to rub soothing circles on Carlos’ back, obviously sensing that whatever had just happened had been more than an awkward ‘meet the ex’ scenario.
“Let’s go outside and grab some air,” he suggested, leading the two of them out before Carlos could even have a chance to nod in agreement, but more than willing to follow TK’s lead.
The two remained quiet as they hit the outside, waves of refreshing night air washing over Carlos, acting as a soothing balm to his flushed cheeks. TK looked at him expectantly, but Carlos appreciated that he was waiting for him to speak, not immediately launching into an interrogation.
It took him a moment to gather his thoughts, knowing that while Carlos didn’t owe any sort of an explanation, he wanted to tell TK. Wanted him to understand.
“Antonio was my last really serious boyfriend before you.” he started, before pausing “To be honest, he was actually my only really serious boyfriend before you.” He had dated of course, some he knew would never make it past casual, but others he had expected some longevity, only for them to be cut short just past a few months. “We had only dated for a year, but...I was young, and a bit more inexperienced, more willing to fall ass over teakettle before knowing the person.” Carlos shrugged, finally scrounging up the courage to look over to his partner. All he could find was an open face, green eyes looking at him with a vague curiosity, but nothing even resembling the judgement or jealousy that Carlos had feared.
“At the time I thought he was the one, you know? God, was I wrong.” The last part was muttered more to himself, but it still held true. “I didn’t realize how many red flags I had blown right past just because I wanted someone to love me.” Carlos saw TK’s face change then, but it wasn’t pity, it was worry. He was quick to reassure him “Nothing crazy, but just...A general lack of respect for me, I guess.” He sighed, knowing the next part might touch a nerve, “We actually broke up because he tried to introduce himself to my mom as my boyfriend.”
Carlos still wasn’t proud of himself, in the way he handled the situation both with Antonio and with TK. He knew both events were long in the past, and he hadn’t owed coming out with a boyfriend to anyone, but still he felt guilt around it all, shame that he hadn’t had the courage to introduce his partners, embarrassment at the fact that he hadn’t realized his parents didn’t care one way or the other, and annoyed that he had wasted so much time hiding his life.
But still, TK was silent, looking at him, waiting for Carlos to continue. He was still there, just like Carlos had inkling he would be for the rest of his life. “We were going to see my mom, she needed help on the ranch, I reminded him that I wasn’t ready to introduce him as my boyfriend. He agreed, and then...Well he did it anyway.”
It seemed as if that was what finally got a reaction from TK, a disbelieving shake of his head. And Carlos was wondering if he and his partner were thinking the same thing, that as angry and hurt as TK had been, Carlos never had the fear that TK was going to pull a stunt like that, and that, among many other things, was the difference between Antonio and TK.
“That sucks,” TK stated simply, and Carlos couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at that.
“It was five years ago,” he offered.
“Doesn’t mean it didn’t suck.” TK responded, his hand reaching out for Carlos’ once more. And with those straightforward words and his gentle action, Carlos felt seen. He knew it must’ve sucked to be on the opposite end, be the person hidden, but it also sucked to be on his, and the easy acknowledgement of that from TK meant the world to him.
“But now looking back on it…” he mused, “I realized how simple it was to tell him to get out of my life, for it. Sure, it hurt, and I was upset at losing a boyfriend but...God, it didn’t compare a fraction to the way I felt when I thought I had lost you over the same thing.”
“Babe,” TK muttered in a hushed tone, thumb running soothing circles over the back of Carlos’ hand.
“Like a paper cut compared to a gunshot.” He stated, finally looking over at TK and keeping eye contact, rather than the furtive glances he had been giving the rest of the conversation.
He was given a soft, sad smile, and Carlos couldn’t help but bring his hand over top of TK’s. That moment was in the past, and they had made it through, but Carlos knew for a fact they both hated how it had gone down, how they had both let their own issues and insecurities nearly destroy what they had.
“I love you,” TK whispered before resting his head on Carlos’ shoulder, a steady, comforting weight. He wished he could bottle it up, keep it for the hard days, a reminder of when TK had spread himself across his chest in bed in the morning, or kicked his legs up on his lap on the couch.
“I love you, too.” Carlos responded in kind, resting his own head against TK’s.
Moments passed, the only sounds being the music that filtered out through the barn, the crickets, the wind through the long grass, and their breathing. The quiet finally gave Carlos a moment to think, mostly about the small velvet box burning a hole in his pocket.
TK had been right, his cousin’s wedding wasn’t the right place. But as Carlos risked a glance down at his partner, he realized he needed to find a right time and place. And soon.