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“Hanguang-jun is the best!” Lan Jingyi says between mouthfuls of rice.
“What is he, your dad?! Shut up about him already, it’s getting embarrassing!” Jin Ling snaps, scooping soup into his mouth in a much more dignified manner if he does say so himself.
Lan Jingyi rolls his eyes, not slowing in his pursuit to shovel his dinner into his mouth as he says, “He’s just so cool! You’re just jealous that the Jins don’t have any cultivators anywhere near as cool.”
Jin Ling returns the eye roll, “He’s an impressive fighter, sure, but how can you stand to be in his presence?! He always has a look on his face like he wants to crush you.”
“He hardly has any expression at all, what are you talking about?”
“He always gives me this look that makes me shiver, he’s terrifying!”
“I mean he can be,” Lan Jingyi admits. “But usually he’s great, and when he’s scary, it’s justified! Maybe he just doesn’t like you.”
“What’s wrong with me?!” Jin Ling scoffs.
“Wow, where to even begin—”
Jin Ling smacks him in the head.
“You asked!” Lan Jingyi complains. “I mean, besides the fact that Jins are generally unlikeable—”
“Hey?!”
“—you did stab his husband.”
Jin Ling opens his mouth to retort, but nothing comes out.
Suddenly he feels rather queasy.
Jin Ling has more or less forgotten the incident, until a few weeks later when it all comes rushing back as he catches sight of Wei Wuxian himself. He’s strolling around Jinlintai in the evening during a banquet for something not important enough for Jin Ling to bother remembering.
Wei Wuxian catches sight of him and all but runs over. Jin Ling huffs dramatically, but he makes no effort to move.
“A-Ling!” Wei Wuxian says brightly. “Are you skipping out on your own banquet?”
“I was just sitting there doing nothing anyway,” Jin Ling huffs. “They’ll be happy as long as the wine keeps coming anyway.”
“Very true,” Wei Wuxian nods sagely. “Anyways, you should join us on a nighthunt sometime! Good for experience. If you want.”
Jin Ling shifts uncomfortably. He can hardly focus on anything except the fact that this man is smiling and trying to bond with him despite the fact that Jin Ling stabbed him. How can he act like nothing even happened?
“Can I talk to you?” Jin Ling asks before he can change his mind.
“Of course!” Wei Wuxian assures him. “You can always tell me anything, A-Ling, and you should know I’ll never judge you.”
“I—” Jin Ling feels like he’s choking on words in a way he’s never felt before.
Wei Wuxian pretends he doesn’t notice Jin Ling embarrassing himself trying to say a single sentence and quietly waits for him to spit out what he needs to say.
“Ioweyouanapology,” Jin Ling says, so fast it’d be a miracle if Wei Wuxian understood.
“...What?”
Jin Ling blurts out, “I owe you an apology!”
Wei Wuxian’s eyes widen. Whatever he was expecting him to say, it wasn’t this.
“You…” Wei Wuxian shakes his head. “A-Ling—”
Something burns in Jin Ling’s chest.
“You don’t owe me anything,” Wei Wuxian says firmly. “If anything I owe you.”
“How can you say that?!” Jin Ling shouts. He’s now shouting at the person he wants to apologize to. Why is he like this?! “I—I stabbed you! You could’ve died!”
“Aiya, like one little stab would’ve been able to take me down,” Wei Wuxian jokes, but it sounds forced.
“You passed out! I’d never seen Hanguang-jun show so much emotion in my life!”
A dark cloud passes over Wei Wuxian’s face. Maybe Jin Ling shouldn’t be trying to talk Wei Wuxian into being upset with him.
“Jin Ling,” Wei Wuxian says carefully. “It’s okay if you feel guilty and want to apologize. These things are good for you. But counting debts… it never leads to anything good.”
Jin Ling resists the urge to snap, “Who’s feeling guilty?!”
Wei Wuxian’s eyes light up teasingly, “A-Ling if it’s too hard, don’t worry about it. I pretty much got the sentiment.”
“Too hard!” Jin Ling scoffs. “As if! I—you—”
Wei Wuxian gives him a patient smile.
“I’m sorry,” Jin Ling chokes out. “I’m sorry.”
Wei Wuxian brushes a tear off his cheek. Jin Ling is never going to have the face to talk to him again.
“I’m sorry too,” Wei Wuxian says. “For everything.”
“Sizhui told me,” Jin Ling blurts out. “That he’s a Wen. I—we—the Ghost General—”
“Shh,” Wei Wuxian rubs his shoulder, and Jin Ling doesn’t even have the energy to pretend to be mad about it. “Collect your thoughts, then speak.”
“Rich coming from you,” Jin Ling mutters with no heat.
Wei Wuxian laughs, “Perhaps my Hanguang-jun has been rubbing off on me.”
Jin Ling pauses, trying to unscramble his brain.
“I… a few weeks back I went on a nighthunt with some of the Lans. We were talking and Sizhui told us… He told us that he was born a Wen. That he’s only alive because of you.”
Wei Wuxian waits patiently for Jin Ling to struggle his way into making a point.
“The Ghost—I mean—Wen Ning… We ran into him a bit later, I guess he was watching over us from afar. It was kind of creepy but I think he was just trying to keep Sizhui safe… Anyway, when we set up camp that night and we got to talking and someone asked about seventeen years ago… Wen Ning told us that you were the greatest man he’d ever met and that he owes you everything and that you’re like a brother to him—”
Wei Wuxian visibly blushes, which is something that Jin Ling has only seen once before a few months prior when he had the misfortune of witnessing Hanguang-jun whispering something in his ear. Jin Ling tried very hard not to think about what he could have said that made the thickest-faced man he’d ever met blush.
“I… I asked him about Qiongqi Path,” Jin Ling says, and Wei Wuxian freezes. “I had always heard that you’d had a grudge against my father and killed him because you disliked him, but Wen Ning said it was in self-defense. He explained the setup… a-and the bell you had made, and how it was him who had lost control—”
“I controlled Wen Ning,” Wei Wuxian says somberly. “The blame is mine, not his.”
“That’s just what he said,” Jin Ling says. “But honestly I… I don’t think it sounds like anyone’s fault. I wasn’t there but… If it was anyone’s fault it’s the assholes who set you up. Maybe you lost control, but, well… What were you supposed to do? Let them shoot you?”
Wei Wuxian has no idea what to say.
“I wish I knew my father,” Jin Ling admits. “But I don’t wish that you would’ve died in his place either.”
“Thank you,” Wei Wuxian chokes out, “I… but even so… your mother…”
“I asked about that too,” Jin Ling admits. “No one would ever talk to me about them besides telling me they were perfect, but that’s bullshit. I want to think they were good people but if they were still alive no one would be saying that they’re perfect.”
“They weren’t perfect,” Wei Wuxian admits. “And it’s true I didn’t get along with your father in my youth. But did you know, he had once saved me and Hanguang-jun in Qishan? After we defeated the Tortoise of Slaughter we were still trapped in that cave for days on end… It was Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan who got us out. Up until that point, I’d really only ever punched Jin Zixuan. Not a lot of highborn cultivators would risk going into enemy territory for someone that they only know because they punched them once.”
“And… and my mother?”
“...What did Wen Ning tell you?”
“I want to hear it from you before I say.”
“Very well,” Wei Wuxian sighs, “At Nightless City… I was in a bad place. I had gone to retrieve Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s ashes, only to find the sects were still plotting to lay siege to not just me, but all the innocents at the Burial Mounds. I was distraught over Wen Qing and Wen Ning, and furious at the sects’ betrayal and constant hypocrisy… Perhaps I should have taken the time to calm down. But at that time… I wanted blood.”
Jin Ling is silent.
“When I arrived, I taunted them until they shot an arrow into me. At that point, I considered it fair to unleash myself on them. In my mind at that point, they had gone back on their word to plot the murder of innocents and had drawn first blood—I thought I was within my right to fight back.”
“You were!”
Wei Wuxian purses his lips together, “Within my right, maybe I was. But should I have? No.”
“How could anyone be expected to make sound decisions in that state? They were asking for it!”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“It doesn’t make it wrong either!”
“Jin Ling, there’s no need to make excuses for me,” Wei Wuxian says with a tired smile.
“Hmph,” Jin Ling says, but he’s thinking if I don’t, who will? If they all get to make excuses why killing you was so righteous, then you should get to return the favor!
“Anyways,” Wei Wuxian continues, “my mental state only deteriorated as the battle went on. I started to lose control of the fierce corpses and then—”
Wei Wuxian makes a sound in between a choke and a cry.
“My mother?”
“She had followed me from Jinlintai,” Wei Wuxian confirms. “A fierce corpse injured her… I thought we had gotten to her in time but… Some cultivator aimed his sword for me and she… She pushed me out of the way and took the hit herself.”
They’re both silent for a long time after that, neither willing to look the other in the eyes.
Jin Ling says suddenly, “Wen Ning told me that even though he wasn’t there, there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in his mind that my mother’s death was an accident. He said you loved her very much, that there’s no way you would ever harm her.”
“Not intentionally,” Wei Wuxian agrees. “But I did harm her.”
“The person who put a sword through her chest harmed her!” Jin Ling snaps.
“A-Ling…” Wei Wuxian sighs. “I can’t regret trying to help the Wens. I certainly can’t regret helping Sizhui. But I wish more than anything in the world that you didn’t have to pay the price. You deserved to grow up with your parents. I appreciate what you’re saying, A-Ling, but I have to take responsibility for my actions.”
“My mother is dead!” Jin Ling all but shouts. “My father is dead. My xiaoshushu is dead. And my jiujiu…”
Wei Wuxian nods in understanding. His old shidi is not the paternal type, to put it lightly.
“But you’re here,” Jin Ling says, and Wei Wuxian looks at him, surprised. “You’re here and technically, you’re my shufu in this body.”
Wei Wuxian cocks a brow, “You certainly didn’t seem to think of Mo Xuanyu as your shufu when we first met.”
“Well, he was a cutsleeve!” Jin Ling blurts and then turns the color of a tomato. “I mean, everyone always said it was this disgusting thing but…”
Wei Wuxian looks on in amusement.
“But honestly you and Hanguang-jun are pretty normal,” Jin Ling says as though it were a compliment.
“...Thank you?” Wei Wuxian tries.
Jin Ling huffs, “I just mean… I thought it was some perverted, evil sex thing. But you guys are just boring and in love or whatever. Honestly, all the normal couples I know—er, I mean, like men and women—most of them aren’t half as disgustingly in love as you in Hanguang-jun. So whatever. I was… wrong.”
“The only sane response when faced with a man as spectacular as Hanguang-jun is to fall in love with him,” Wei Wuxian says, deadly serious.
Jin Ling rolls his eyes.
“Anyway,” he says. “You’re my family, whether you like it or not, so you’re not allowed to act like anyone else’s life is worth more than yours!”
“...Are you trying to bully me into being your shushu?” Wei Wuxian laughs.
“What, you don’t want to be?!” Jin Ling snaps, but his heart feels awfully delicate.
Wei Wuxian’s grin softens into a small smile as he pulls Jin Ling into a hug that Jin Ling barely pretends to hate.
“Of course I want to be your shushu, A-Ling. It would be an honor.”