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Sapnap,
You probably won't read this, but I need to say it. First of all, you probably won’t be seeing me for a while. Maybe forever, but at least a good while. This might be the last opportunity I have, so I need to apologize to you. Because I fucked up, Sapnap. I screwed everything up so badly and I took it so much farther than I should have, even when you begged me to stop. Even when I knew that I should have. At this point there’s not much of a choice, is there? I mean I'm the villain you wanted me to be. A monster. I only hope you don’t believe it when they call me some kind of god. Because we both know that I’m not.
There are so many things that I can’t tell you, but I promise, I swear that I have a reason for everything that I’m doing right now. It doesn’t seem like that, but I promise that I do. Please forgive me. You probably hate me. You should hate me. You have every right to. Hopefully you’ll be happier with me out of the picture. Like everything used to be. If that’s the only good thing to come out of this it will be worth it.
Why is this so hard? I don’t know how to fucking say goodbye. I shouldn’t have attachments. I really shouldn't But I do. I still do. And I miss you guys. I know you’re going to hate me even more really soon. I have to do some pretty unforgivable things. Even for me. but I mean, there's no good choice at this point. There’s never really been one. It’s like that saying goes. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Only difference is that I dug this hole for myself. I swear I only ever had good intentions. I never meant for it to go this far but there's literally nothing I can do at this point to fix things though. So I might as well go out with a bang. Do one good thing in my life, ya know. Because the worst part, the thing that tears me apart every single night, is that all of this is on me.
I don’t know when I became the monster. When I think back, I never seem to find a certain moment where I just started to be in the wrong. Sometimes it seems like I’ve always been this way. I’m heartless after all. I dethroned George, abandoned you all, without a second thought. I didn’t mean it. I never meant any of it. I cried. You just didn’t see the tears. Who fucking does that to their family? I only ever did it to protect you both from them. Being close to me would have just been a death sentence. I know we used to promised that we’d be close forever, but Sapnap, I need you to forget that. There are things that i'm going to do, and they're not good things. So make me a new promise. Promise me that you'll protect George and Bad. From everyone. Even if it’s me who you have to kill. Especially if it’s me. Promise?
So when everything goes to hell, I just want you to know that I care about you. More than anything. More than life. But you can hate me. I don’t mind. It's easy, isn’t it? Please don’t hate me when I’m gone, Pandas. I'm sure that you’ll be happy without me. Probably even happier than when I was there. I know that you will never be able to forgive me for what I will do, but I just want you to know that I hate myself for doing it. That there’s no other choice. If there were any other fucking options, I promise would choose them in an instant. But there aren't. So goodbye Sapnap. I’m so sorry for everything. I'm sorry you had to meet me. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m just sorry it has to end the way it did.
Love,
Dream Taken : )