Chapter Text
Seungkwan knew it was a bad idea the moment the plan slipped out of Soonyoung’s mouth, and albeit that knowledge, he was still going to refuse to let anyone blame him for choosing to go along with it because one, it was four in the morning, and two, it was the only way to get his friend to shut up, but did he regret not putting him on a choke-hold instead of letting the other man pressure him to do something he didn’t want?
Yes, yes he did.
The streets were already bustling outside their apartment when they both decided to pull away from their reviewers then, his head was throbbing with pain as he eyed the state of their dining table, hands itching to grab a trash can so he could toss everything in, and Seugkwan wasn’t only talking about the ridiculous amount of coffee cups littered wherever his eyes landed but the opened text books and cheat sheets as well- exam week had always been hell to him, but for a reason he didn’t really want to dwell on, that month’s was the toughest and probably the worst.
At least, for him.
Yawning, he watched Soonyoung laugh at Seokmin who was then already asleep on the couch, mumbling about the parts of the brain and their functions, chuckling as his friend constantly mixed the terms up, something akin to longing making its presence known in his chest when he heard his friend whisper his boyfriend’s name with discernible fondness, “-shua..”
Seungkwan swallowed hard as he shook his head in attempt to stop himself from letting his mind fixate on the gaping hole in his chest, he was already exhausted from studying, the last thing he wanted to do was wallow in self-pity, and drown in regrets again instead of getting his well-deserved sleep, turning to Soonyoung, he felt his face heat up when the his friend gave him a knowing look, his eyes shining with mischief and his teasing grin big, visible signs that he was about to say something stupid like-
“You should get a new boyfriend.”
Seungkwan sighed, yeah, like that.
He should’ve taken that as his cue to leave the vicinity of the room, to hole up in his room, and bury himself under multiple duvets because he did not like where the conversation was going, but he knew that even if he ran out of their apartment, and drove out of the city, Soonyoung would find a way to reach him and talk his ear off so he settled on mumbling a quiet no, making his way towards the refrigerator to get a glass of cold water to hopefully get rid of his growing headache.
“Just ask the barista out from Zesto!” Soonyoung exclaimed, the sound of his voice causing Seokmin to sit up in alarm, head whipping from left to right, eyes wide with panic as he mumbled a puzzled, “Who- what am I?”
“You’re Seokmin and you’re dating Joshua,” the dancer hastily replied, his voice laced with glee, and Seungkwan wished his surroundings would stop turning because all he ever wanted to do was lunged at Soonyoung then, wrestle him around and make him shut his mouth, “And that’s Seungkwan,” he gritted his teeth as the other man pointed at him, “He’s going out on a date with the cute barista!”
Seunkwan didn’t know if drinking his water would relieve his headache or if dumping it on Soonyoung would, “I’m not,” he grumbled, sounding less ferocious than he intended.
“Oh, you’re going out with him?” Seokmin asked, completely disregarding what he had just said, and Seungkwan knew where the conversation was heading, he knew because they’ve had it before, talked about dating numerous of times, throwing off ideas about how he could move on over cups of coffee, and unfinished essays, every discussions always ending up with him crying and his friends patting his back, and he was sick of it, but despite all of that, he couldn’t bring himself to return to his room, he didn’t know if he was too afraid to be alone with his thoughts or if he was just too tired to move his body.
“Good news for you, Seokmin,” Soonyoung snickered as he reached out under the table, his face bright with delight while he dug through their bags, fishing out, Seungkwan swallowed a disgruntled scream, his cellphone, “He was just about to call him!”
And there was something about the look that the dancer threw him that caught him off guard, the spark of playfulness in his eyes were gone, and were then replaced with something more meek, his grin melting off to a barely-there-smile, “Right, Seungkwan?” his voice, soft and strained, like he was begging for him to call the barista.
“I’m not going to call him, Soonyoung,” he shook his head as he felt his chest tightened, unrolling a trash bag, he avoided his friends’ eyes and started picking through the mess on their table, heart swelling because he appreciated their efforts to help him, and heart breaking all at the same time because he knew they were having a hard time seeing him miserable, too, but he just couldn’t do what they want, not when he knew he wasn’t ready, “Besides,” he chuckled quietly, “It’s four in the morning, he’s pro-”
“-bably just about to head out of the coffee shop,” Seokmin interrupted, and Seungkwan forced himself to close his eyes as he saw red- Seokmin’s voice, ever so soft, ever so gentle, and yet that early morning, he could hear the silent pleas behind his words, “I have good memory,” his friend said proudly as if he wasn’t just spouting the wrong information in his sleep, he swallowed hard, “He said he was going to be there until fou-”
“Could you please stop?” he snapped, immediately regretting raising his voice as Seokmin clamped his mouth shut. Taking a deep breath, he mumbled a quiet apology and continued clearing out their table, the silence between the three of them growing as he silently berated himself- he knew he wouldn’t be able to move on if he kept shutting himself out, he was aware he needed to put more effort, too, in order for him to recover but God, it was easier said than done, “We,” he sighed, “We don’t even know if he likes me or not.”
“He gave you his number!” Soonyoung exclaimed, and Seungkwan really, really wanted to escape to his room, put his earphones on and listen to Taylor Swift until the sun was at its highest, pretend like his reality was just a dream, and his dreams were his reality, but even he knew that he couldn’t do that forever, he had to move on, “He made the other customers wait in line for what? Ten minutes to ask you about how your day was going, of course he likes you.”
With another sigh, he abandoned his mission to clean up, and plopped back on his chair, his mind spinning, and his whole body aching with exhaustion. It was true that the new barista at Zesto liked him, everyone at the queue that afternoon was aware, but really, as much as he found Cyrano (yes, that was his name) cute, he wasn’t cute enough for Seungkwan to build a romantic fairy-tale in his head with him as prince charming, he didn’t even consider calling when the barista not-so-subtly slid a napkin with his phone number on it with their coffee orders because-
“Maybe he doesn’t want to move on from Wonwoo just yet,” he heard Seokmin whisper, his ears ringing as he felt his face heat up- of course, he wanted to move on, of course, he wanted to forget, God knew how much he wanted to be able to go to sleep without the other man haunting his dreams, how much he wanted to look at anything and everything without getting reminded of him, to see other people without comparing them to him, live his life free of him.
“You guys know I do,” he muttered, his voice weak, lacking its usual conviction, even he, as he sat in front of his friend helplessly, couldn’t believe if he was really saying the truth or not, “I want,” he blinked, eyelids heavy, “I want to move on.”
“Then ask Cyrano out,” Soonyoung mumbled as he slid his phone towards him while Seokmin nodded his head enthusiastically, telling him how it was going to be good for him, “You need a break from studying, too, anyway.”
On any normal circumstances, he could’ve wormed his way out of the situation, but it was four in the morning, and his brain wasn’t even functioning properly anymore, at least that was what he thought when for the first time since his friends started telling him what to do in order to move on, a voice at the back of his head said that he should just do it, to get it over with, to see if it would work- there was no harm in trying anyway, right?
“I threw his number aw-”
“Oh,” Soonyoung smiled, and a part of Seungkwan felt warm as he watched his friends beam to themselves, obviously ecstatic to hear and to see him trying, “I saw you tossing it in a bin,” the dancer chuckled, fishing something out of his pocket, and then dangling a rumpled napkin in the air, “So I picked it up just in case.”
Seungkwan was glad he didn’t dump cold water on him earlier.
“I still think this isn’t a good idea, though,” he breathed out, knee bouncing as he felt nervousness engulf his body, heart frantically hammering in his chest, he wanted to think it was because of caffeine, but he would be lying if he said it was and not because he was afraid of what Wonwoo might think if he found out he was going out on a date with somebody else- not that it mattered, not that he cared, Seungkwan was just really overthinking at that point, Wonwoo wouldn’t give a shit.
“All my ideas are never good, but have they lead us astray?” Soonyoung smirked, and there really was something quite calming at his misplaced confidence, a sense of comfort enveloping Seungkwan’s body as he watched his friends smile at him- he was going to be okay, they won’t push him to do something if it would harm him, right?
“No, not yet,” he whispered, a small smile blooming on his lips as he took another deep breath, blinking his eyes- he was not going to cry, not when he hadn’t cried for days, not he was on a streak, not when he was in front of his friends, not again.
“No, not ever!” Soonyoung yelled with enthusiasm as Seokmin continued agreeing with whatever the dancer was saying, adorably reassuring him that it was going to be a good experience- they were good friends, and they only wanted what was best for him, the least he could do was try, right? So he was going to try, for himself, but mostly for them, “Remember when we went on a bar without money, and I said let’s flirt our way to getting free drinks?”
“Best night of our lives,” Seokmin grinned, and Seungkwan almost wanted to agree, almost wanted to join in the hype train, but that night, although led him to a path of beautiful memories, also led him to where he was now so he remained silent, chuckling quietly to himself as flashes of neon lights and Wonwoo’s smile surfaced in his mind.
“Best night of our lives!” Soonyoung slammed a hand on the table, a couple of coffee cups toppling over their notes, and Seungkwan, as much as he wanted to save the reviewer he painstakingly made for hours from getting stained, couldn’t even move as he did his best to take his mind off of his ex-boyfriend, “I met Jihoon, Seokmin met Joshua, and you met Won-”
“Don’t,” he exhaled as he pinched the bridge of his nose to control his headache, swallowing down a whimper when he remembered just how caring Wonwoo was that night, from him making sure he wasn’t getting too drunk, to him calling in to check if they arrived at their apartment safely, “Don’t even go there.”
“Okay, who you met isn’t the point,” his dancer friend muttered, smiling apologetically as he gave him the crumpled napkin, “The point is that you’ve always had fun when we’re doing my godawful ideas. Just try going out with him? Let’s find a new coffee shop if the date was terrible.”
A part of Seungkwan wanted to do it, not just to make Soonyoung stop yapping, not just to stop Seokmin from looking like he was a kicked puppy but also because he was so tired, not just of studying for the whole day on a stomach full of pastries and coffee, but of feeling sorry for himself, so done of his peers walking on eggshells around him, so done of watching Wonwoo move on through the pictures on his timeline- he deserved to move on, too, right?
“Yeah, come on,” Seokmin urged, not a trace of malicious intent or playful teasing was in his voice, just genuine concern and warm motivation- he loved that about him, about them, even with Soonyoung’s annoying comments and snide remarks, Seungkwan knew that his two friends were only after his best interests.
“You want to move on, right?” Soonyoung asked, eyes full of worry, voice laced with hope.
He did, he thought, staying silent as he didn’t trust himself to speak.
“Going on a date isn’t really the way to move on,” Seokmin offered gently, reaching out to squeeze his hands, and Seungkwan just really wanted to break down right then and there, but he held on, “But it’ll help take your mind off of things,” he smiled, “Off of him.”
Maybe, maybe.
“Call him,” the dancer uttered, and Seungkwan just wanted everything to end. He wanted to go to bed knowing that the coming morning wouldn’t bring another day of remembering the past, but a day of looking forward to the future, so he did.
Seungkwan grabbed the napkin from the table, shaking his head as the numbers on the unfolded napkin danced around him, floating and dancing under the dim light of their apartment. With shaking hands, he did his best to click on the correct digits, heart ramming on his chest as he put his phone on his ear, his whole body running cold while his friends looked at him with nervous eyes.
“Is it ringing?” Seokmin asked.
He nodded weakly.
“No, answer yet?”
He shook his head.
“Why is it still ringing, Soonyoung?” Seokmin turned to his friend in alarm.
He blinked.
“Soony-”
*click*
“Seokmin, do I look like I know what Cyrano is doing ri-”
“Hello?”
Seungkwan froze, his world stopping as his two friends leaned closer to him in unison.
“H-hey, it’s Seungkwan,” he mumbled, swallowing hard as he found himself standing up, his knees trembling when he started pacing back and forth.
“Oh?” the man on the other line had said, his voice strangely sending electric shocks up and down his spine, pain blooming in his chest as he found his mind almost malfunctioning as a thousand of thoughts rushed through him, voiced telling him to drop the call, voices telling him to go on- Seungkwan was tired, but he forced himself to keep going, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
And Seungkwan didn’t know how he did it, how in just minutes, with his ears still ringing and palms still sweating, he had set up a date with the barista from Zesto, arranging the meeting quickly as his friends beamed proudly at him- the early morning sun flooding their room with its soft light, it was new day, and for the first time since the break-up, Seungkwan felt some sort of happiness surging through his body.
Cyrano agreed.
And he hung up.
So Seungkwan didn’t know why it was Wonwoo Jeon that showed up in front of his apartment on a motorcycle and not Cyrano who insisted he was going to pick him up.
“Why are you here?” he found himself asking, breath hitching when his ex-boyfriend took off his helmet, donning the brightest smile he had ever seen that day.
“You asked me out on a date, remember?” Wonwoo answered, quirking an eyebrow up as Seungkwan felt his ears burn, blanching as he questioned what he remembered from last dawn’s events, “Is Cyrano your new nickname for me?”