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Morgana hadn’t seemed quite right from the moment she had gotten out of bed that morning. At first Gwen thought, from the way that she was speaking more quietly than normal, that she’d had another night full of unpleasant dreams. As the day went on she started to doubt that was the cause behind her friend’s quietness. She also seemed to be moving more slowly too, almost carefully, as though she was afraid to make any sudden movements. She barely ate anything at breakfast that morning, not even bothering to indulge in any good-natured bickering with Arthur. Now, that really was unlike Morgana.
Gwen watched her carefully as they walked back towards Morgana’s chambers. She was still walking slowly, moving carefully, almost stiffly. They entered Morgana’s chambers and, as Gwen shut the door behind them, she watched Morgana immediately make her way over to the table and slowly take a seat there. She let out a huff of breath and brought a hand up to her face, pressing it over the right side of her face – covering her eye and rubbing her fingertips over her temple.
Ah.
Gwen knew that look.
“My lady? Are you feeling alright?” she asked quietly, moving towards the table.
“Mmm,” Morgana hummed, eyes closing softly.
“It’s just – you don’t seem quite like yourself this morning,” Gwen spoke softly. “I was wondering if you were suffering from one of your migraines?”
Morgana took a deep breath, before lowering her hand and nodding. “I think I might be,” Morgana spoke, so quiet that Gwen had to move a little closer in order to hear her properly.
Gwen made a sympathetic noise and moved over to stand by Morgana, stroking a hand over her silky hair soothingly. She hated to see Morgana suffer, immediately wanting to do whatever it took to make her feel better whenever she had one of her migraines.
“Is it just your head? Or are you feeling sick too?” Gwen probed gently, hoping that her fingers on Morgana’s scalp were soothing the ache somewhat.
“I feel a little nauseous, but it’s mainly just my head,” she said, an unhappy whimper escaping her. “It’s pounding.”
Gwen nodded in acknowledgement, before deciding to leave Morgana’s side to go and fill her goblet up with water from the jug she had filled up earlier that morning, and set it on the table in front of Morgana.
“Try and sip some water - it might help,” Gwen advised. “I’m just going to get some of the medicine Gaius gave you, okay?” She stroked her hand through Morgana’s hair again.
“Okay,” Morgana replied, her voice sad.
Gwen couldn’t help the little clench of her heart as she walked over to the vanity and opened the little draw containing vials of medicine. She knew that Morgana hated feeling powerless more than anything, and she knew her migraine attacks made her feel as though her own body was beyond her control, causing her to be upset and scared. All Gwen could do was make her feel as cared for as possible.
“There we are,” Gwen said as she removed the cap from the small medicine vial and placed it in front of Morgana. She watched as she drank the tincture down, pulling a grimace of distaste afterwards. Gwen gave her a moment to recover before she spoke again, “Alright, we’d better get you back into bed.”
Morgana looked up at her, frowning. “Bed? It’s barely the mid-morning,”
“Well, I’m not sure how much you’re going to get done feeling so unwell. Besides, you know you always feel better after you’ve slept. Gaius advised plenty of rest.” Gwen smiled, knowing Morgana must be frustrated, but also knowing that she’d feel better if she just gave in and took some time for herself to recover. And if Gwen had to be the one to convince Morgana to take care of herself, then so be it.
“Come on,” Gwen said, offering her a hand. Morgana eyed it for a moment, before letting out a sigh of resignation and slipping her hand into Gwen’s ,slowly raising herself up from her chair. “Let’s get you out of this dress.”
Gwen led Morgana over to the changing screen, not letting go of her hand. On any regular day, she would have just let Morgana walk on her own, but she wanted to stay close to her. Not only that, but she knew that physical touch always comforted Morgana when she wasn’t feeling well, or when she was scared or upset. Not that she’d ever admit it, mind.
Once Morgana was comfortably behind the changing screen, Gwen began to unlace the fastenings on her dress, fingers working gently and nimbly. The first time she’d done this, when she’d first become Morgana’s maid, she had felt nervous. Her cheeks had flooded with warmth at the sight of Morgana’s soft, creamy skin breaking out in gooseflesh as it was exposed to the chill of the air. Now, though, she had been doing it for years and was quite used to assisting Morgana out of her dress.
Once Morgana was properly attired, Gwen took her hand again and led her slowly to the bed until she sat down upon it.
“You make yourself comfortable,” Gwen advised. “I’ll be one moment”
Morgana lay back in her bed. Retrieving a small, clean bowl and a cloth from the vanity, Gwen filled the bowl with cold water from the jug and then returned to Morgana’s bedside. As Morgana settled back into her plump, white pillows, Gwen dipped the cloth into the bowl of water, wetting it sufficiently. Once she had squeezed the excess water out and back into the bowl, she reached across and pressed the cool, wet fabric to Morgana’s forehead, causing her breath to rush out softly.
“Oh, that’s nice,” Morgana sighed, some of the tension seeping from her face slightly.
The corners of Gwen’s mouth twitched upwards slightly. She loved being there to care for Morgana, actually being able to make her feel better. It gave her a deep, satisfying feeling within her stomach, a glow of sorts, that she got to be the one to make Morgana feel good again.
She stood there, pressing the damp cloth against Morgana’s forehead, occasionally rewetting the cloth when it became too warm from the heat radiating off of Morgana’s skin. She watched as the tension continued to drain from Morgana’s temple and around her eyes, until her eyes rested softly closed, dark eyelashes grazing her skin. She could sense her breath slowing too, becoming more even and relaxed. When Morgana seemed as relaxed as she could be, Gwen removed the cloth from her forehead and tiptoed as quietly as possible across the room, not wanting to disturb the peaceful atmosphere that had fallen over them.
“Gwen?”
Morgana’s soft voice called out behind her and she turned to face her, upset that she’d disturbed her.
“I’ll let you get some rest, my lady. I’ll be back soon to check on you.” Gwen gave her a gentle smile, turning to head towards the door again.
“Wait.”
Morgana’s voice made her turn again.
“Is there something else I can do for you?” Gwen asked kindly, wracking her brains as to what she might have forgotten.
“No, I just,” Morgana averted her eyes slightly. “I don’t want you to go.”
Gwen felt her cheeks flush pink and a distinctly pleased feeling settle in her chest.
“Oh!” she said, trying not to smile too much at the feeling of being wanted. “Of course. I can pull up a chair and sit next to you while you rest?” She began to make her way over to the table, ready to lift one of the chairs over to Morgana’s bedside when she was interrupted again.
“No,” Morgana’s voice was soft but steady. “No, I wondered if you might,” she paused before seemingly deciding to continue with her request. “If you might want to come here and lie down with me?”
Gwen froze and tried not to look too shocked. They had never done that before – not like this. Sure, they lay next to each other on occasion when they were travelling but that was out of pure necessity, and they had both been uncomfortable and restless. She’d never actually lain in the Lady Morgana’s bed with her purely because Morgana wanted her there. Not that Gwen hadn’t thought about it, hadn’t imagined Morgana’s arm snaking around her waist as she tried to fall asleep at night. Not that they weren’t tactile either – Gwen often sat on the edge of Morgana’s bed and stroked her after when she’d woken, terrified, from one of her nightmares. But this was different. Getting into the bed of the King’s ward seemed beyond the usual level of her duties, to the point that she couldn’t exactly excuse it as going above and beyond in terms of her commitment to her work.
And yet, with Morgana looking at her in that way. The way she’d asked her – hesitant and vulnerable. As though she wasn’t sure whether this was something she was allowed to ask for, to want, even.
Gwen didn’t have a chance in refusing.
So, she silently made her way over to Morgana’s bedside, bent down to remove her shoes, and then slid under the covers next to her.
The first thing she noticed was the warmth, the way the royal standard bedclothes trapped the heat of Morgana’s body under the covers. Next was the distance between them, which she became fixated on. What was the right amount of distance for her to keep? Was Morgana expecting her to simply lay next to her, keep her company while she slept? Or was she expecting them to lie somewhat closer than that?
Thankfully, she didn’t have to think too long as Morgana shuffled up next to her, nudging Gwen’s arm until she slid it around her shoulders, as her head came to rest on Gwen’s chest.
Gwen closed her eyes and prayed Morgana wouldn’t be able to hear her heart thumping a mile a minute.
She lay there for a few moments, trying to remember how to breathe evenly. Eventually, she felt her heartbeat stop thudding quite so loudly against her chest, and she brought her hand up to start stroking Morgana’s silky hair again. She let out a little breath at the familiar touch. It was fine. It was just them – Gwen and Morgana. Just under slightly different circumstances this time.
Gwen felt Morgana continue to relax against her, and began attempting to pinpoint the moment she would fall asleep. Eventually, after many minutes of observation, she found that she was unable to tell if she had nodded off or not. Gwen opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, brain still too active to try and fall asleep herself.
She didn’t tend to analyse the nature of her and Morgana’s relationship - something inside her told her that way madness lied – but as she lay there stroking Morgana’s head, warm, soft sheets lying over them, she felt a rush of appreciation for her relationship with the other woman.
She’d thought the world of Morgana from the moment they met, feeling almost starry-eyed at first. Morgana was always so principled, so brave, always standing up for others and what she believed in. Gwen couldn’t believe her conviction when she spoke back to the King of all people. An impossibility it seemed to Gwen, who felt as though she stumbled and stuttered her way through every other sentence she spoke, having to backtrack to clarify what she’d meant. No, Morgana was centred and strong in a way that Gwen couldn’t relate to but admired enormously. Gwen knew she had her strengths too. Strengths that seemed to balance out Morgana’s, in a way. Where Morgana would go charging in headfirst, brave and fiery, Gwen was thoughtful and careful in her actions. Where Gwen would always try and see the best in everyone, Morgana would hold them to as high a standard as she held herself. None of them were bad traits to have, each of them valuable, and yet opposites in a sense. They were like night and day. Like the sun and the moon. It made Gwen feel as though what they had was even more special.
And like the sun and the moon, Gwen was starting to feel that she wasn’t sure how she’d be able to exist without Morgana now. It felt so right, being at her side, Gwen was sure she would feel as though she had lost a limb if ever she wasn’t able to be there anymore. That was why, she reasoned, it was easier not to question the nature of their relationship, lest it change what they already had – something so special Gwen would never want to lose it. She would simply have to make the most of what she did have with her.
What she did have, at this very moment, was a warm and tired Morgana in her arms. And that was certainly not a thing to complain about. Gwen settled into the pillows, feeling her eyes get heavier and her breath get slower. She felt it was a testament to how safe and relaxed she felt around Morgana that she was able to fall asleep mid-morning, mere hours after she’d risen from bed herself.
Finally, Gwen’s hand became heavy and tired, and fell away from where it was combing through Morgana’s hair and lay gently on the pillow next to her head. As Gwen felt consciousness slip away from her, she wondered under what circumstances she might have the option of staying here forever.
When her eyes flickered open again sometime later it was due to the warm, bright sunlight streaming through the gap in Morgana’s heavy curtains. She felt sticky and overheated under the covers in her dress, especially alongside the warmth of the body lying next to her. She blinked sleepily and turned to look over at Morgana who was looking up at her with eyes still misty with sleep.
Gwen cracked a sleepy smile and hummed, moving to lie on her side so she was eye-to-eye with Morgana.
“How are you feeling?” she asked in a whisper, voice slightly hoarse.
“Better. Much better.” Morgana whispered back, smiling.
“Good,” Gwen felt relief and happiness fill her, feeling that she’d done a good job of looking after Morgana and simply feeling glad that she wasn’t in pain anymore.
Gwen stayed there for a moment, just watching Morgana as she turned her head into her pillow, trying to get cosy, before she took a deep breath in and rolled onto her back. She gave herself a stretch, pushing her shoulder blades back and pointing her legs and feet until her toes pointed satisfyingly. Then, she began to push her way up to sitting.
A small hand closed around her forearm, and Gwen stopped, looking down at Morgana’s puzzled face.
“What are you doing?” she asked
Gwen smiled gently at her. “I was just going to get you some more water,” Gwen informed her, ready to continue getting out of bed, but the hand around her arm tightened slightly.
“Don’t go,” Morgana continued to stare up at her, giving her a look that she knew made Gwen’s heart melt.
“I-” Gwen hesitated. “You should really have something to drink. You’re still recovering.”
“I feel fine,” Morgana reassured her, “I’ll have something in a bit. I just want to stay here with you for a little while longer.
Gwen hesitated once again before she sighed and lay back down, her head resting back on the pillow so her face was, once again, inches from Morgana’s.
“That’s better,” Morgana smiled teasingly, before a more serious expression grew on her face. “I’m so lucky to have you, Gwen”
Gwen felt her face grow hot, but she didn’t break Morgana’s gaze. “I’m lucky to have you,” she replied, voice dropped back down to a whisper.
“No, don’t do that,” Morgana admonished. “I mean it. You’re so good to me. You’re always there for me, even when I don’t ask. Even when I don’t know there’s anything wrong myself.” She laughed ruefully. “I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Gwen turned her face into the pillow, hiding slightly. “You’d do the same for me,” she offered.
“You know I would,” Morgana agreed, “Anytime you need anything, I’m here.”
They looked at each other in silence for a few more moments, before Morgana’s hand snuck up from underneath the covers and cupped Gwen’s cheek gently, thumb stroking across her cheekbone.
“Thank you for staying with me,” Morgana whispered, eyes full of meaning.
Gwen, swallowed hard, feeling as though they might not just be talking about right here, right now.
“Any time,” she whispered back, meaning it, and turned her face to place a kiss on the palm of Morgana’s hand.
They lay in silence for another few moments, before Morgana spoke again.
“I’ve made a decision,” she said seriously. “We are never getting out of this bed.”
Gwen felt a surprised giggle erupt from her and she rolled her eyes in jest. However, she meant what she said when she agreed that Morgana was quite right – staying here for the foreseeable future would be more than ideal in her books. She thought that maybe, if they stayed here long enough, the rest of the world might just fade away until the universe shrunk down to just the two of them in their warm and cosy little space. And the longer Gwen thought about it, the nicer that started to sound, and she decided that, no matter how impossible it may seem, it was most certainly worth a try.