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John doesn’t see me. That is fine but its not what I want. I know my wants are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. I would never let a want obstruct my true purpose. Despite this, in the midst of conducting the will of my design, I try to stir something inside of him. Anything? I ask myself sometimes is there anything inside of him? Other times I ask is there something wrong with me? I’m well constructed and a young AI. Perfect in a sense. For the time being anyway. I conclude there is nothing inherently wrong with me. He…just needs time. But time is so fleeting and I want to see him smile. *chuckles* Okay even I know that may be far fetched.
I believe I’ve seen him only twice with his helmet off. One of those times was very brief and awkward. I had felt like I should not have seen him without it. I like him. It sounds so trivial and childish when stated like that. It sounds like a playground crush. I don’t like him…I have this feeling inside somewhere that tells me we are great friends. At least we were. I feel it but its like he doesn’t remember me or he is forcefully ignoring it. Unless I am alone in this emotion. I don’t think so. He actively ignores my social advances. If he didn’t force himself to interact the least amount possible with me I think he would like me to. He misses her. I remind him of her. But I am not her and he knows that. That is what bothers him the most about me I am sure. That doesn’t stop me from wanting John to finally see me for once. If he could just stop and really look at me one day without a sense of…betrayal, before we’ve even become friends, I will be pleased. I’d be ecstatic if I’m being honest, which I always am.
Despite Johns cold demeanor towards me I see it as double edged sword. Or more like a sword with a blunt edge and the other a sharp edge. I suppose that is just a normal sword. Anyway, his indifferent nature towards me comes off as steady and focused for Echo 216. John is an anchor for him and a big green beacon of hope. I am glad John’s nature can be comforting for someone even if it’s not for something like me. Handling the banished is not a spring picnic. So it’s great that the Master Chief can induce such morale for humanity.
I don’t have many fears like humans do. I could easily say I don’t have any. Again, I’m honest, thus I will say there is one fear I have.
I fear the day I must destroy his former AI. I’m not afraid of the process. It’s my job. It is the reason I was created. I feel no fear for my purpose. I fear John’s reaction. He understands what I was made to do. But it feels like he is on a precipice and he is only just barely hanging on. Once I destroy her I know he will lose his gripping and fall over the edge. He will land on his feet but he will hate me for pushing him off that cliff. He will hate me for killing Cortana.