Chapter Text
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The rain was heavier than usual, thunder booming in the background, drowning out the sound of anything else. The clouds dull and gray overcast the sleeping city.
Kaeya scrambled to his feet, shakily holding up his sword. He felt his lungs burn, desperately gasping for air. Everything was aching, every fiber of his being screaming at him. His side especially was flaring with pain.
There were knots in his stomach, bile already climbing up his throat, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Across him he saw those all too familiar red eyes, deeply infused with sorrow and hatred.
Diluc dragged his claymore through the mud, letting his damp hair fall to the sides of his face. Kaeya felt the heat radiating off of him burn his skin from afar, his brother’s vision glowing brightly enough to match his furious gaze.
Kaeya could only tremble in fear, mustering up his remaining strength and tightening the grip onto his blade. Tears pricked the corner of his eyes yet he dare not let them fall. This was merely the consequence of his actions. The burden he had to carry for hiding under all that secrecy.
Why did he think now would be the right time to tell Diluc of his ulterior motives? Right when he was still mourning the loss of his- their beloved father. Was he that heartless? Did Diluc’s pained screams not sway him? How he continuously blamed himself for not being capable enough? How Crepus lay in his own pool of blood, staining the hands of his eldest son? He was supposed to support Diluc, comfort him.
Yet why did it seem like everything
he said and did threatened to hurt him further?
Stupid
Stupid
Stupid.
Diluc was only a feet away from him now, his shoulders rising and falling, his breaths coming in heavy pants, heart hammering loudly in his head.
“How much?” He muttered.
Kaeya blinked at that, confused.
“What?”
“How much of it was real? How much was a lie?”
“Luc-“
Diluc scowled at him, clenching his teeth.
With one arm he pulled Kaeya forward, gripping onto his shirt.
“All those years and you tell me it was merely a scheme?! A ploy to deceive everybody?!”
Kaeya bit the end of his tongue, he couldn’t bring himself to remember the words stuck at the back of his throat.
“Father loved you like his own, regardless of whose blood you shared.”
“You think I don’t know that!? You weren’t the only one who lost someone, I cared for him too!” He roared.
“THEN WHY WEREN’T YOU THERE!” Diluc harshly shoved him to the ground, his back making contact with the hard surface, feeling winded.
Kaeya fell silent, he looked up and saw Diluc’s fallen expression, tears streaming down his pale face. His heart ached at the emptiness in his eyee, those of which burned passionately, brimming with joy, now devoid of any light.
“I’m sorry.” Kaeya said dryly, his voice barely even a whisper. He was disgusted with himself. He wasn’t human. Humans couldn’t possibly be as horrid as he was. Nor did humans have to experience such excruciating pain.
Diluc raised his claymore high, engulfing it with flames. Kaeya raised his arms, fear enveloping him as he quivered like a shaken child. He swung down, and time seemed to come to slow. Was this it? Was this how it would all end? Dying at the hands of someone who once saw him as a brother?
He felt the temperature drop, his hands bearing the sudden coldness, he hissed at the stinging sensation. And like that a blast of Cryo escaped from his fingertips sending Diluc’s claymore flying back, dousing it’s flames. As their elements clashed a powerful gust of wind swept through the air. Kaeya felt something on his lap, shocked to see a Vision, azure of color and shining ever so brightly.
Diluc stared in disbelief, letting his hands droop to his sides. All the anger that had been on his face had been replaced with a sense of longing, or perhaps the face of someone who was just tired.
“I was mistaken to think someone like you could ever be my brother.” He said, words
laced with venom.
“Luc-“
“Rid yourself of the Ragnvindr name, I want nothing else to do with you.”
He picked up his claymore, and walked away, disappearing into the mist of the rain with Kaeya left dumbfounded.
His world had shattered that night, and for years he struggled to put back the pieces.
“Why was I there, and not by your side…?” He whispered, burying his face into his shivering hands.
Nobody dare spoke of that night.
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Kaeya was never one to daydream.
He always assumed it clouded judgement, or that it was a distraction people often sought out to escape their duties. Whatever it was, he surely didn’t like it, mostly due to the fact he wasn’t quite fond of his head being in the clouds.
At least, not until now.
His legs were moving on their own, no matter how hard he fought they seemed to be pulled in by some sort of magnetic force.
He found himself subconsciously walking to Dawn Winery. In the middle of the rain, early in the morning.
Why was he going there at the risk of being drenched? Now that’s a question he couldn’t find himself answering. He clicked his tongue.
Arriving at the doorstep, he gently opened the door. There was no need for formalities, since he had been told he was always welcome inside. Ironically it had been Diluc who insisted on the idea, so long as he wasn’t there for the purpose of merely pestering him.
He caught a glimpse of Adelinde as she dusted the empty shelves by the fireplace. She was always such a diligent worker. She glanced at him and he felt embarrassed for leaving trails of water on what looked like a newly mopped floor.
He mouthed an apology, bowing slightly before hurriedly jotting up the stairs, suddenly remembering the purpose of why he went here in the first place.
Jean had recently given him the liberty of inviting the esteemed Darknight Hero to handle some important matters regarding new Abyss strongholds around the area. He'd say the Knights could fair well off without the Darknight. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case this time. Though it hurt his pride, there was no mistake, Diluc was indeed one of Mondstadt’s greatest fighters.
‘Knights of Favonius, always so inefficient…’ That surely seemed like something Diluc would say. He cracked a smile as he envisioned his sour face.
He made his way to said person’s quarters, raising his hand up to knock onto the door but stopping right before he hit the surface. He felt his stomach churn, sweat forming in his palms.
What made him so nervous? He saw the red head almost every day, why get cold feet now? In fact, was he forgetting something?
He shook away his thoughts and attempted to knock on the door again, only this time, the door creaked open before he could get the chance to.
“Well Master Diluc I never took you as the type to sleep in-“
His words hung in the air.
Diluc looked a mess. Bags were under his eyes, his hair was unkempt and messy, and his tie was crooked. ‘Wait…tie?’
Diluc wasn’t wearing his usual uniform today. He was dressed in a black tailored suit with matching pants and dress shoes.
And it finally hit him.
‘So it was that time of the year….’
‘He wore that damn thing every year for his birthday…’
Diluc simply looked up at him, too tired to respond to whatever mischievous plans he had in mind. He walked right past his shoulder bumping into it slightly.
Kaeya wanted to curl up into a ball. How could he have forgotten? Sure they weren’t on good terms but after everything that happened on that night the possibility of it slipping from his mind seemed highly implausible.
Another thing was, he was severely underdressed. Every morning on April 30th, the Knights would visit Crepus Ragnvindr’s grave to pay respects.
They would all dress in formal attire and give offerings to commemorate his heroic acts. Of course no one else knew of this, it was strictly within a group of trusted Knights. Yet here Kaeya was, still wearing his dashing blue get-up.
Seriously, he should probably cut his alcohol intake.
He chased after Diluc as he sluggishly walked down the stairs.
He liked to tease but he would always hold back whenever it was his birthday. For one too many reasons.
It was worse before, he was just glad that Diluc didn’t throw any hysterical fits anymore. It would take them the whole day to calm him down from his episodes, and while that had died down, he still refused to eat much or so much as go outside whenever it was his birthday. He thought it was selfish to be affected by this, but he just could couldn’t help it. Everytime Diluc whimpered and wept in the night, just muttering out father’s name.
‘Don’t leave…please don’t leave me.’ he would say. Sometimes Diluc even mentioned Kaeya’s name in his slumber, which he found unusual for someone who clearly hated him.
But everytime he did, Kaeya’s hopes got up. That he and Diluc would go back to how they always were, fighting side by side like it was them against the world. He could do nothing but dream for that day, Diluc would never say anything, neither would Kaeya. The vicious cycle would never break and they were never to be on good terms. Kaeya knew this.
He couldn’t blame Diluc of course. Why would he.
Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Adelinde rushed to Diluc’s side, straightening out his tie and poorly trying to hide the creases in his suit.
She smiled at him warmly. Ever since they were children Adelinde would always be there to look out for them. She reached into her pocket and brought out a small black box with a green ribbon tied on the top. It matched the color of her mysterious emerald eyes.
“Happy Birthday, Master Diluc, may today bring you good fortune.” Her voice was soft. Though lacking emotion, anyone could tell she was being genuine.
Diluc chuckled weakly, gingerly pushing back the box in her small hands.
“I couldn’t possibly accept this.”
Adelinde clicked her tongue and shoved it in his chest, forcing him to take it.
“Please, I insist.”
Diluc exhaled sharply, losing the battle to their head housemaid. He snuck the box in one of his suit’s pockets then returned a forced smile.
Kaeya only watched the events unfold, was it always like this in Dawn Winery? It lacked the overflowing energy Angel’s Share had. Which seemed ironic. Everything seemed so empty in here.
He looked over his shoulder to see Diluc staring at the gift Adelinde had given him as he walked out the door. Kaeya could only sigh.
Diluc made it clear that he wanted nothing given to him on his birthday, well apart from a few letters and bouquets young women around town gave him, he wasn’t that cold as to refuse. They didn’t know the whole story after all. Only the Knights knew.
After what seemed like forever of walking in silence they finally reached the gates of Mondstadt. Clearing his throat he skipped a little closer to Diluc’s side, matching his already slow pace. While he did feel bad for him, he couldn’t disobey direct orders from Jean and so he tapped his shoulder.
“Master Diluc, I know you’re being especially grumpy today, but Acting Grandmaster Jean is requesting to see you, and unfortunately I can’t exactly make any excuses~” He mused, trying to sound as playful as possible, he didn’t want to make it seem like he was pitying him. Diluc hated that more than he hated him.
Diluc merely sighed in response. Furrowing his eyebrows, he quickened his pace. Now he was walking ahead of Kaeya.
Kaeya expected more of a violent reaction, though this wasn’t completely out of character he supposed.
“Now now, you can’t just leave me behind here can you?”
Diluc still arrived at the front of the Favonius Headquarters albeit his distasteful expression. He impatiently tapped his foot.
Two newly recruited knights came out from inside to greet him, exchanging salutations. Kaeya didn’t feel like checking in for now since he had already done his job of dragging the Darknight Hero here to receive his orders from Jean. He watched as Diluc made his way in her office before he went back out again.
He walked up to one of the nearby pillars and leaned on it, crossing his arms. He gazed up at their Archon’s statue, light passing through the space between its arms and shining down on the children running around it. He couldn’t help but feel a sense of nostalgia washing over him.
How he played Pirates with Diluc when they were younger, fighting over who would collect the most treasure. Diluc was the more outgoing one back then. He confidently said that he would collect the most treasure so they could sail the seas of Teyvat with a boat so big it would overshadow the city.
He found himself smiling.
‘Youth is a gift meant to be cherished. Enjoy it while it lasts my sons.’
That was something Crepus had once told them. And it was something they had failed to do.
Kaeya couldn’t even remember what he looked like anymore, sometimes he would just see Diluc with a beard on. Maybe he should convince him to grow one. He snickered at that.
“Well you seem to be in high spirits!”
Kaeya almost jumped at the sudden appearance of a high pitched voice. He swiveled his head around to see Venti’s cheeky smile and breathed a sigh of relief.
“My, if it isn’t Mondstadt’s favorite bard.” He repositioned himself against the pillar he was leaning on to face him.
Venti giggled, pointing to himself. “The one and only!”
“What brings you here? Have you come to entertain the citizens with one of your songs again?” Venti’s songs were in fact very entertaining, they always made the people of Mondstadt so immersed in the tale.
“Oh-ho! As much as I’d like to, I’m here for a different purpose.” The cheery bard took off his cape and hung it in the air.
“While I was visiting the Cat’s Tail for a few drinks, this young girl ‘accidentally’ ran into me and spilled Catnip all over my clothes!” He pouted.
“Now cats have been following me around everywhere refusing to leave me alone! My nose can’t take much more of this.”
Kaeya laughed as he pat the bard’s shoulder, consoling him. “Alright, but I don’t see how that’s related to why you’re here?”
“Oh! I was going to put in a commission for Acting Grandmaster Jean to blow away all these felines until I can get my clothes cleaned.”
Kaeya brought a palm to his face, clearly disappointed. “I’m sure the Acting Grandmaster has more pressing matters to attend to.”
“Awww, drat.” Venti cursed internally before his joyful mood came back.
“If memory serves right, it’s Master Diluc’s birthday today is it not?”
Kaeya paused for a moment. “Yes, it is.”
“Well I sincerely hope you don’t give him too much of a hard time today ehe.”
“You wound me, I’m not as cruel to do such a thing.” he put a hand on his chest, acting hurt.
“Haha! I’m off to clean my clothes now, why don’t you grab a drink with Master Diluc? Reserve me a Dandelion Wine while you’re at it.”
“A vast storm has been clouding his thoughts lately, do try and cheer him up!” Venti proceeded to skip away.
Kaeya raised a brow, now that just made him worried. What vast storm? Was there something wrong with Diluc?
“What do you mean by-“
“In all good time my friend, don’t look so blue, or else you’ll match your hair in hue!” He said in a sing-song voice before disappearing around the corner.
‘That’s…odd.’
Kaeya knew Venti was no ordinary bard and that behind his riddles and tunes a deeper meaning was hidden.
Before he could run off to find him again he saw Diluc walk out the Headquarters.
‘Vast storm…that can’t be good now can it? Did that mean today was the day to finally set things straight with Diluc?’
There was no harm in trying to cheer his brother up. It was his birthday of course, it was better than having any regrets.
What was he saying? Diluc’s perfectly fine right?
With Venti’s words ringing in his head, he decided to take up on the idea. No he wasn’t worried. The Darknight Hero needed to be in tip top shape to perform his duties after all. Jean wouldn’t let personal matters affect work and neither would he.
He slid next to Diluc who looked even more distraught than he was when he came in. ‘Did he get into another quarrel with Jean?’
“Master Diluc, I hope you don’t mind me heading to Angel’s share a little earlier today. I’d like to fancy myself a drink I might even buy you one. Why don’t you come with?” Kaeya poked his arm, Diluc only flung his hand away, like how someone would swat a fly.
“I’ll meet you there then.”
Kaeya was taken aback. Did he really just agree to it? He was never open to Kaeya swinging by on work days unscheduled. He couldn’t complain though, he preferred drinking in daylight anyway.
Diluc still seemed a bit out of it, his eyes were darting all over the place, a couple of times he even looked over his shoulder to stare at him.
Kaeya was getting more worried and Venti was not helping.
As they walked over to the tavern a pair of dogs ran up to them. One running around Diluc in circles and the other calmly sitting in front of Kaeya.
“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”
Kaeya whistled, inviting it to be pet. He ran his gloved hands across its soft fur, seeing its tail wag happily.
In front of him he saw Diluc, kneeling to scratch behind the other dog’s ears. Then, he smiled. A faint smile.
Kaeya couldn’t help but mirror the action, seeing his brother smile was a rare occasion and whenever he did he felt a little less depressed.
The dog he was petting came up to Diluc, barking happily and running back and forth between them.
“Go on now, your owners are looking for you.” Diluc told them.
One of the dogs barked and head off obediently, the other whined in protest.
He barked at Diluc then ran up to Kaeya.
“Aww, don’t worry little guy, we’ll play again later.” Kaeya reassured it.
Despite the dog’s whines he obeyed and started to head home.
Angel Share was as lively as ever, people singing chants and rejoicing. Others would come here to celebrate while some came to drink away their troubles. Perhaps Kaeya came here for both. Or maybe he just wanted to spend time pestering Diluc.
Speaking of Diluc, he was already behind the counter, taking glasses out of the cupboards underneath. It looks like Charles is on his lunch break.
Kaeya took a moment to look around a bit, seeing a few new faces and as usual, Diona’s father was wasting away in the corner. Bless that child for being so patient with him.
Diluc poured himself a glass of…well grape juice and poured Kaeya a good old fashioned Dead After Noon. Diluc slid his glass across the counter, with Kaeya sloppily catching it. Was he even aiming?
‘So rude.’ He thought.
“You’ll spill all my wine if you keep that up.” He huffed, taking his glass.
Diluc took a seat, a stool away from where Kaeya was sitting. Of course he still maintained distance.
After a moment of silence Diluc raised his glass in Kaeya's direction.
“Cheers to more shitty days.” He said with no enthusiasm.
Kaeya couldn’t hold back his laughter at this, maybe he should invite Diluc to drinks more often, his pessimism is quite funny at times.
Kaeya raised his glass as well, hearing it clink with Diluc’s, they both chugged down their drinks and gave a satisfied sigh.
“You know, you’re not so bad.” Diluc mumbled, burying his face in his arms as he rested his head on the counter top.
“Oh? Are you sure you’re feeling well Master Diluc? I find it hard to believe you’d be delirious after drinking….grape juice.” Kaeya found this amusing, the side of lip quirking up into a smirk.
“I mean…All that time lost. We could have spent it talking things out, instead of arguing all the time.”
Kaeya’s face fell.
Was Diluc trying to apologize?
Kaeya cleared his throat, not sure how to respond to that.
“Where’s the fun in that? You’re the one who’s always been so negative whenever I’m around.” Kaeya felt his throat ache, saying that without getting emotional was difficult.
“I don’t hate you, you know. Never did.”
‘What?’
Kaeya tried to avoid eye contact, what in the devil was going on? Was this what Venti warned him about? Is Diluc saying a will? Was he dying?
‘No he couldn’t be. He’s just a bit out of it.’ He tried to convince himself.
He turned to say something but closed his parting lips when he saw Diluc fast asleep, his red unruly hair framing his defined features. He looked at peace.
Kaeya slowly scooted to the seat next to him. He hesitantly put his hand on his shoulder, patting it lightly as to not jostle him from his sleep.
“I never hated you either.”
The words just slipped from his mouth, as if he’s been waiting to say that for so long.
Diluc stirred in his sleep.
“Kae…”
That was his old nickname.
He decided to play along.
“What is it Luc?”
Thinking he wouldn’t respond, he turned away from him, about to take another sip from his glass.
“You should stop blaming yourself.”
Kaeya almost dropped his glass. He was surprised at how his composure hasn’t broken down yet. He touched his cheek, feeling tears stain them. He hurriedly wiped them off with his sleeve, not wanting to cause a scene.
“Kae….promise me…that you’ll stop.” Diluc’s words were muffled as he spoke under his arms. That was the last thing he said before sleep overcame him once more.
“Only if you stop overworking yourself.” Kaeya didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Was he finally enough? Had he finally stopped being the monster? Would everyone’s eyes look away from him from now on? It’s not his fault anymore right?
Kaeya shook away his thoughts once more. ‘You shouldn’t blame yourself.’
Not something he thought he’d hear from him. But it made him feel better at least.
“You’re still forgetting it’s your birthday Luc, or is me bringing out the waterworks amusing you enough?” He chuckled. Jokes aside, Diluc being so loose was very unusual. Though he liked that he was finally letting his guard down, he couldn’t help but be afraid for his well-being.
The door’s bell chimed as it creaked open. Kaeya peeked to see who it was, only to see Jean, dressed in a plain Black dress with long sleeves. It was all laced at the bottom too. Kaeya figured Lisa was the one responsible for it. Maybe he could borrow a suit from her last minute before they went to the grave.
Jean stepped forward, ignoring the stares she got from the other customers, nearing Diluc. Jean looked at Kaeya for a brief moment before noticing their drinks on the counter top. She sighed heavily.
“Sorry, had to get at least one in my system.” Kaeya explained. Jean ignored him, looking back at Diluc’s red hair.
“Sir Diluc…” she called out softly.
“I’m sorry to interrupt but.”
Diluc grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and dusting himself off. He gazed up at Jean silently before standing up.
Diluc looked back at Kaeya. He was probably signaling him to get going to.
“Yeah yeah, you guys go ahead. I’ll clean these up for you.”
“Thank you, Kaeya.” Diluc said gratefully before heading out the tavern with Jean.
He couldn’t help but feel Diluc wasn’t telling him something
Kaeya rolled his eyes. ‘Well- this might buy me enough time to think of a proper offering. Should I even bother giving an offering? It’s not like I ever gave one before.’
After washing the glasses and putting them back to their respective places he decided not to delay any further and go to the graveyard.
He brushed back any stray hairs and shook off the sweat from his hands. Visiting Crepus always made him nervous. No matter how many times he’s been there.
Strolling behind the chapel, he saw Diluc already there holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand. Liatris flowers. Also known as blazing flowers. Crepus planted them all the time shortly after Diluc’s mother passed away.
(Liatris symbolizes happiness, joy and bliss.
It also represents a desire to try again or an apology.)
He read about them once after accidentally stumbling across a book about flowers while Lisa was cleaning the library.
Kaeya approached Diluc as he knelt down to put them on their father’s grave.
Kaeya would think that Crepus was proud to have such a caring son. Years after he’s passed on Diluc never failed to visit when he had the chance.
About to kneel beside Diluc, he noticed something. He looked at Diluc’s side and there he saw.
Another bouquet.
Blinking rapidly, Kaeya was about to ask who these were for scrunching his face in confusion.
“Diluc who are-“
“Say hello to father for me, Kae.”
Kaeya’s blood froze.
No that couldn’t be right. He misheard that, right?
Slowly turning his head, he couldn't believe what he saw.
A grave next to his father’s.
“Kaeya Ragnvindr.”
He wanted to scream.