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When it’s all over, when the dust finally settles, they’re happy. Kara takes the plunge and comes out to the world, and in the process, she is able to build solid bridges connecting the parts of herself that she kept separate for so long. Alex and Kelly and Esme fold themselves into their new life together, and Kara thinks she will never get enough of the lines around her sister’s eyes and mouth that appear with every smile and loving look Alex has for her little family. Brainy and Nia are lost in each other, playfully arguing about who should propose first. And Lena, Lena is still there, in their lives and she looks relaxed in a way Kara has never seen on her before.
Maybe, Kara thinks, maybe they will all get their happy ending after all.
Then, things start to change.
The first time it happens, everyone agrees that it’s adorable. They are at Kelly’s and Alex’s place, sharing dinner and stories when Esme insists that Lena read her a bedtime story. Kara smiles when she watches Lena offer Esme her hand. The two of them seem almost a little shy with each other. Lena never just scoops her up or starts a tickle fight like Kara does with her niece. Instead, they hold hands, ask each other questions, and Lena always waits for Esme to initiate every new step they take with each other. That night, it’s a bedtime story, and they disappear into Esme’s room. It takes a while before Alex notices that Lena still hasn’t returned, and so Kara goes to check on them and finds them both asleep, Esme tucked into Lena’s side, the book they were reading tipped over against Lena’s chest. Kara pulls out her phone and snaps a photo before she returns to the living room to show it to Alex and Kelly. It is objectively adorable.
After that, it becomes a frequent occurrence. Lena dozes off on the couch during game night, curled into a corner with a pillow, while everyone is still in the middle of whatever game they are playing that night. Kara doesn’t think much of it, only grabs a blanket to cover her. Everyone else simply tones down their voices a little, and Nia and Alex snap the occasional blackmail photo when they notice that Lena drools a little on the pillow.
One day, when Kara visits Lena in her new office at her foundation, she spots the pillow and blanket on the couch in the corner. She jokes that Lena should really try to go home to sleep every once in a while, and Lena laughs, but the blanket remains a fixture on the couch and Kara can tell that it is definitely not just decorative either.
Kelly is the first to voice her concerns. “I’m a little worried about her. Falling asleep like that, with everyone around, isn't exactly in character for her.”
“Babe,” Alex places a reassuring hand on Kelly’s knee, “Lena has been through hell. I mean, I’m exhausted just thinking about all the things she’s been through.”
Kara sees the look Kelly gives Alex, and it’s like they are having a silent conversation that ends with a promise to talk more later, when everyone else is gone.
“Maybe she just needs to catch up on decades of lost sleep,” Nia says, and Kara thinks she has a solid point. Lena has spent so many years working so hard, to save her company, to save their friends, to save Kara. Sleep always seemed to be very low on the priority list in that context.
Kelly pulls her eyes away from Alex. “Sure. I’m just not sure that this is that.”
That evening, they all agree to keep an eye on her.
Over time, Lena’s need for sleep means that the Superfriends start seeing her less frequently. For a while, she still shows up for game nights, but more often than not, she excuses herself before the final scores are tallied. After a couple of months, Lena starts skipping game nights altogether, and Kara is with Kelly now: she worries. She doesn’t think Lena is lying. She can see the exhaustion in the way Lena’s shoulders slump forward most days, or in her more muted movements as she goes about her day. Kara can feel the tiredness radiating off her friend in waves. What worries both her and Kelly is that it seems to get worse and not better, that the more Lena let’s herself sleep, the more tired she seems.
It’s not at a point yet where Lena’s life seems to actively suffer. She successfully builds up her foundation, and even helps Nia and Andrea with their endeavours when they ask her for business advice. She’s still there for Esme, devoting a good deal of time and energy to her godmother duties, and it’s when she is around Esme that Lena appears the most lively, more like the Lena Kara knows so well.
It’s Lena’s time with friends that takes the biggest hit, and primarily, it’s her time with Kara. Kara remembers that initially, she actually felt proud of Lena for cancelling their lunches, for voicing what she needed. After years of putting herself last, it seemed like she was finally taking care of herself more.
“I had a really early call this morning with a potential project partner in Europe. I might try and get a nap in at lunch so I don’t actually pass out at my desk this afternoon.”
“Oh. Sure. That sounds wise. We’ll do burgers another day, then.”
“Sure. Another day.”
It’s only later and in the context of more and more missed game nights that Kara notices that she hasn’t actually spent any time alone with Lena in months. They see each other when their other friends are around, and even those instances are becoming increasingly rare. On top of it, Kara’s job as Editor-in-Chief makes it more challenging to find time herself, and so when she does manage to block off a few hours and Lena can’t make it, it stings. Kara can feel the frustration building up in her, and she knows she needs to find a way to talk to her, but she doesn’t know where to start.
She talks to Kelly instead.
“I just don’t know what’s going on. I can’t remember what it’s like to see her not tired, not half asleep on her feet.”
Kelly nods. “You know, Alex was right when she said Lena’s been through hell. And sometimes, this is what grief can look like. It’s mayhem, physically, too. Especially when it’s complicated.”
“I get that.” And Kara does. She knows that even though Lena is fully embedded in their circle now, she still lost her entire family, that she had to fight her brother until the very end. Kara wants to be supportive, and she doesn’t want to push Lena into something she’s not ready for. “It’s just that I wonder sometimes if there’s more to it.”
“It’s possible,” Kelly hums, “but the only way to find out is if you ask her. Talk to her. Let her know that she can tell you anything, even if it might be hard for you to hear what she has to say.”
That’s easier said than done, Kara thinks, given how Lena seems to be avoiding her. They also don’t necessarily have the best track record when it comes to communicating their feelings to each other. But Kara is determined to follow Kelly’s advice, to hear Lena out, no matter what.
A few days later, she asks Kelly and Alex for help. She doesn’t want to trick Lena into talking to her, but she knows that the only person Lena never cancels on these days is Esme. At first, Kelly isn’t sure this is a good idea. She doesn’t want Lena to feel cornered. But Kara promises that she won’t push, that all she wants is a minute to let Lena know that she’s still here for her, and will always be here for her. Eventually, Kelly agrees, if only because she is worried for Lena, too, and hopes that together they can nudge her to get some help.
They invite Lena over for an evening with Esme, and it’s just Alex, Kelly, Esme and Kara. It’s quiet. They share dinner like they have many times in the past, and after dinner, Esme and Lena sit at the table together, admiring a drawing Esme is working on. When it’s time for Esme to head to bed, Lena is about to hold out her hand when Kelly and Alex intervene and explain that they were in the middle of a special bedtime story the night before and that they should finish it tonight.
“Of course,” Lena says softly. She grins when Esme throws her arms around her neck. “Goodnight, Esme. Have the best dreams.”
“Goodnight, Aunt Lena.”
Kara waits for the three of them to disappear into Esme’s room before she turns to Lena.
“Hey.”
Lena smiles, but Kara can see that it’s guarded and a little dull. “I should probably get going. It’s pretty late.”
“Lena, wait. I was hoping we could talk?”
Lena is silent and pulls a pillow toward herself, wraps her arms around it.
“I won’t keep you long. I’ll even fly you home after, if you want. So you can get to your bed quickly.”
“Okay.” It’s barely a whisper.
Kara braces herself. She’s not sure how this will go, but she knows she has to try. “I want, I need to say something. And I don’t want you to think I’m trying to make you feel bad about it, but I miss you. I really miss you. I know you’re going through something, and I know you’re tired. But I’m hoping that maybe you’ll let me be there for you?”
Lena stares at her and doesn’t reply, so Kara decides to keep going. “We’re all here for you. Kelly and Alex, and Brainy and Nia. We’re here. I’m here. In whatever way you need me to be.”
There’s more silence and Kara can only think of one more thing to do. She lifts her hands and cups Lena’s face, letting her thumbs trace gentle lines against Lena’s skin.
“I’m just so tired, Kara.” Of waiting, Kara hears, even though Lena doesn’t say it.
“I know.”
“Do you?”
Yes. She doesn’t say it. Doesn’t need to because she knows Lena understands the moment Kara presses her lips against hers. She doesn’t say it because all she can do is sigh when Lena leans closer and digs her fingers into Kara’s sides where she holds on for dear life. She doesn’t say it because she knows Lena can see it written all over her face when they pull back and Lena lets her eyes roam.
“I’m sorry I made you wait.”
Lena puffs out small breaths, still so close to Kara that she can feel them tickle against her skin. “Come home with me?”
“Always.”