Chapter Text
Chim was back. It was the first thing Eddie noticed when he entered the station along with the rest of the 118. Hen promptly dropped her gear and ran over to her best friend, pulling him into a hug before bowing down to the baby in the basket, and Bobby followed. Eddie, on the other hand, couldn’t help but glance at Buck. He was standing almost frozen at the side of the truck, eyes trained on Chim as he absent-mindedly rubbed the side of his face. It made Eddie wince in sympathy; he clearly remembered the day Buck had told him everything, including the way Chim had hit him.
In that moment Buck looked back at him and Eddie almost opened his mouth to say something encouraging. But he hesitated without even knowing why, and the moment passed before he could change his mind.
He’d never had to think about what to say to Buck.
Something was off between them lately and he had no idea what it was.
Eddie clenched his jaw and tried to push these thoughts to the back of his head. Instead, he made his way towards Chimney. Part of him was still angry at the other man for hitting Buck, but he had to admit that he was also extremely glad to see him, so he decided not to dwell on the subject.
“Welcome back, man. It’s good to see you.”
“Thanks. It’s good to be back.”
“Did you –“
He wanted to ask about Maddie, but Chim shook his head.
“She’s not ready yet. But she will be. Until then, my baby girl needs her family more than anything. It was time to come back.”
Chim flinched and shifted his gaze from Eddie to someone behind him. Eddie didn’t have to turn around. He knew Buck’s steps even in the dark.
“Jee-Yun needs her Uncle Buck the most,” Chim said softly, “and she has him know that her Dad is really sorry for being such an – you know.”
Eddie took it as his cue to leave. That was a family matter, not meant for his ears, so for now he should be happy to have Chimney back on the team. Maybe things would finally get back to normal. Deep down, though, he doubted it. So much had happened recently and it was getting harder and harder to pretend that he was alright. He’d come way too close to letting his guard down after the whole episode with Mitchell, had been on the brink of losing control and letting his mind spiral into chaos; when his parents had called him to attend the funeral of a distant relative he had been almost glad for the escape.
He’d regretted it as soon as his mum had pestered him about Ana.
Ironically, the break-up was one of the few things he was sure about these days.
Along with the rest of the team, Eddie crashed down at the large dining table. Bobby had just finished the lasagna when the alarm had rang, so they’d wrapped it in tin foil to keep it warm, and one rescue later everyone was starving. They started eating, and Hen gave Chimney a quick update on everything he’d missed. Eddie barely listened, but instead tried to get a smile from Jee-Yun who was watching his grimaces with wide eyes and obvious fascination. Not for the first time did it make him wish he’d been around more when Christopher had been a baby.
He heard his name before he got lost too deep in those thoughts, though. He looked up to find Chim staring at him with narrowed eyes.
“I’m gone for barely a day and a half and you got yourself in front of a gun again? Eddie, are you sure the universe isn’t trying to tell you something?”
It was clearly said in jest, but suddenly Eddie could feel the shiver running down his spine and his blood turned cold underneath his skin. On the other side of the table, Buck’s face was a blank mask, his jaw clenched, and Eddie almost winced in pain as he forced himself to a smile.
“Well, we all made it out in one piece. Whatever the universe wants to tell me, it should try a different language. Screaming has never helped anyone.” Underneath the table, his fingernails dug into the balls of his hands. “Anyway, it was more than a day and a half, look at how much your baby has grown.”
At this comment, Chimney’s face lit up and he nodded. Eddie exhaled a little shakily.
“She’s become so big, hasn’t she?”
“She’ll be a teenager before you know it,” Bobby said.
“Take that back!” Chim shook his head when Bobby chuckled. He was actually looking a little pale. “Oh God, she’ll wear make-up. Get messages from creepy, hormonal teenage boys. She’ll watch romantic comedies.”
Chim shuddered at the last part.
“What’s wrong with rom-coms?” Ravi asked, at which point Bobby groaned and got off his chair to get himself a refill, and Chimney and Eddie both started to speak simultaneously.
“They’re the worst!”
Hen laughed and rolled her eyes at both of them.
“Look at you, two super-tough alpha males, I bet you secretly love all this romantic stuff, roses, violin strings, candles…”
“It’s not the same, Hen!” Chim insisted, and Eddie nodded fervently.
“Romance is one thing, but what they sell in those movies? As cliché as it comes,” Eddie stated. “A computer could write these stories. Sad young woman with a tragic past and a strong belief in soulmates meets this tough, yet lovable guy who doesn’t believe in love, and at first they hate each other, but they have chemistry –“
“- so much chemistry –“
“- and stuff happens and there’s a dramatic climax and then it’s time for –“
“- the moment. The big one.” Chimney gave an exaggerated sigh. “She looks at him. He looks at her. And there it is. The ‘Oh’ moment. Capital O, capital H, bold and underlined and in italics, and they know. They’re soulmates. The end.”
Ravi looked from Chim to Eddie.
“You guys have discussed this before, haven’t you?”
“Only a thousand times,” Bobby explained as he sat back down with a full plate.”Chim’s sigh gets better every time, though.”
“I don’t think those movies are so bad,” Ravi shrugged. “Don’t you think, with all that’s going on, it’s kind of nice to believe that there’s someone out there for everyone, like in the movies?”
His ears were a little red and he quickly looked down at his plate. He was still young, Eddie reminded himself. Part of him envied him for that innocence.
“There’s no such things as an ‘oh’ in italics,” he said firmly.
Across the table, Buck had his eyes on him and a frown on his face. Eddie winked at him. Few people knew that Buck was quite the romantic. He believed in that kind of love, the same way he believed in jinxes and supernatural powers and a screaming universe. It was cute, somehow, but that was a thought Eddie kept to himself.
He wondered how Taylor fit into that picture. Did she believe in true love? Did she even know this side of Buck? Did she know that Buck was ready to give his all, and that he deserved all, too?
Those were the things Eddie thought about whenever he saw Taylor Kelly on the news. Those were also the only times he saw her. Ever since she and Buck had become serious, her and Eddie hadn’t crossed paths once. She’d never been at the station, they’d never had a chance to go on double dates and she was never at the loft when Eddie swung by at Buck’s.
Maybe it was better this way. And Eddie was happy for Buck, after all. He really was.
Just in that moment, he could hear Buck speak for the first time since they’d sat down.
“I’m shocked. No, wait, I’m – appalled. That’s it.”
Buck stared at Hen with wide eyes, clutching his heart, and the whole table laughed as Hen shrugged.
“What can I say, Buck, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not really that much into Patrick Swayze. And he’s the reason all the girls in my class went to see it.”
“But Dirty Dancing is a classic. You cannot not have seen it.”
Buck was still shaking his head in disbelief.
“So how many times have you seen it, Buck?” Bobby asked with a grin.
Eddie couldn’t help but smile at the way Buck actually blushed. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah, Buck, how many times?”
All eyes were on Buck who was fidgeting in his seat and Eddie was enjoying it way too much. It was just the perfect balance of relaxed interaction and work to keep him busy so that he didn’t have to think too much.
He didn’t have to remember the sound of a gun echoing in his ears and the millisecond in which he was convinced he was dead before Mitchell’s body hit the ground; he didn’t have to worry about the way his shoulder sometimes still throbbed and how much he tensed up whenever he stood still for too long on an open street; he didn’t have to give any thought to the way things just felt off these days.
This here – this conversation, this easy banter, the jokes and laughter – were perfectly alright. Nothing had changed.
“I may have seen it more than once,” Buck admitted, then hastily added, “Only with girls, of course. They made me do it.”
“Sure.”
“And that scene where Swayze lifts Baby up? Well, girls love it when I do it. Buck 1.0’s foolproof way to get –“
“Alright, we get it!” Chimney interrupted him, obviously contemplating to cover Jee-Yun’s ears while the rest of the crew laughed.
“It’s a good thing your hot reporter girlfriend is such a feather,” Hen smirked.
To Eddie’s surprise, Buck only nodded. He seemed uncomfortable all of a sudden, which Eddie alone seemed to notice.
“Give him some credit, I’m sure he could also lift Ravi,” Chim added. “Maybe that’s something for the new recruits. Screw the fireman’s carry, next time you rescue someone from a burning building you do it Swayze style.”
“That’ll work for a child, but not with a grown man.”
“Oh come on, Hen, don’t be a spoilsport. Buck, how much do you lift?”
“Shut up, Chim.”
There was an edge to Buck’s voice; he had an iron grip on his fork, but he wasn’t even looking at his food.
“Maybe you won’t manage someone like, say, Bobby, but Ravi here –“
Eddie managed to kick Chimney under the table.
Ravi said, “We know Buck could lift Eddie, so there’s that.”
The fork hit the plate with a clattering sound. The chair scraped against the floor as Buck abruptly got to his feet. For a second he stared at Eddie, face drawn and pale, and before anyone could say anything, he was gone.
Eddie stared at the empty spot and didn’t know what to do. Something about Ravi’s words made him shiver; they made his stomach clench and his heart beat faster, and yet he couldn’t tell why. He turned his head a little and found Bobby looking at him. His captain nodded lightly in his direction and Eddie understood. It was the rational choice anyway; it was mostly Eddie who talked to Buck. But he couldn’t help thinking that maybe, these days, someone else should go in his stead.
“Eddie.”
Hen gave him a stern look and raised her eyebrows.
“Alright, I’ll go.”
Eddie already knew where he would find Buck. He loved to hide behind the fire truck, probably because it always gave him an opportunity to pretend that he’d just gone to check on the supplies or the gas. Today was no exception. When Eddie came down into the hall, he didn’t have to search long. Buck was leaning against the engine, head pressed against the metal, and he opened his eyes when Eddie approached.
“Hey, Buck.”
“I’m fine.”
The defense mechanism was working perfectly. Eddie stopped a few feet from his friend; something about Buck’s posture told him that he shouldn’t come closer. It hurt more than he dared to admit. It only added to the feeling that things were strained between them. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint when it had started, though.
“Is it because of what Ravi said?” Eddie asked tentatively, while at the same time trying to block out the memories running through his head. Pain, mostly, and fear, a moment of weightlessness and Buck’s eyes, wide and frightened in his blood-splattered face. “He didn’t think –“
“Of course he didn’t,” Buck all but spat out. “Because he wasn’t there, and it’s been, what, five months, so of course it calls for a joke, I mean, it’s not like anyone died.”
He laughed a little hysterically. His hands were clenched to fists and Eddie realized that he was on the verge of breaking. It took everything in him not to reach out and touch him, but he feared that Buck would shatter if he did. They’d used to touch all the time, but now it was only one of the things that had changed.
“Buck –“
“What do you want from me, Eddie?”
“I just – I just need you to talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
Buck turned away and obviously wanted to storm off. This time, Eddie couldn’t help but catch him by the arm. He grabbed him tight, making Buck stop dead in his tracks for a second before he swung around.
“Let me go,” he ordered, his voice almost a growl, eyes narrowed. “Eddie, I swear to God –“
“What’s happening to us, Buck?”
Eddie hadn’t meant to phrase it like that. He’d meant to ask if anything had happened, but the question was stupid. A lot had happened, the shooting, the blackout, the panic attacks, the break-up, the hostage situation. And he and Buck had been caught up in between, and somehow, things had been spiraling for weeks now and when Eddie dwelt upon it for too long, he felt like he couldn’t breathe.
Beneath his hand, he felt Buck’s muscles relax slightly, and he carefully let go. Buck exhaled shakily, as if Eddie’s words had drained all fight out of him, and he stared back at him with so much sorrow etched upon his face that it made Eddie’s heart ache.
“Eddie, I –“
His sentence was cut short by the shrill sound of the alarm. Their eyes remained locked on each other for a heartbeat or two, but they broke apart when footsteps echoed in the hall. Eddie watched as Buck grabbed his coat and got into the truck, before he quickly followed and sat down in his usual spot.
The drive lasted six minutes, and Buck didn’t look at him once.
Eddie leant his head against the cool window and suppressed a sigh. He could only hope that it was going to be an easy call.