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Butters was crying. Again.
It was something that happened. He was emotionally sensitive or whatever, and yeah, Craig knew that Mr and Mrs Stotch were giant douchebags, especially after they accidentally kicked a ball into the Stotch garden from Cartman’s house and they wouldn’t give it back, but he still thought Butters cried a lot.
Craig found him hiding in the bike shed. He was curled up on the floor with his arms wrapped around his knees, face hidden in the gap. Usually, Craig would choose to fucking bolt if someone was crying; he dealt with it enough from Clyde, he was all out of sympathy.
But Butters was kind of blocking his bike in. He was going to have to say something even if it was just to ask him to move.
“Hey.”
Butters jumped and his head snapped up as he desperately tried to wipe away the tracks of tears marking their way down his face. Big blue eyes shimmered as they looked up at Craig.
Craig turned his gaze away. “You’re kind of blocking my bike in.”
“Oh...” Butters gave a washed-up attempt at a smile as he stood up and pressed himself against the wall of the shed. “Sorry, Craig! I’ll...get out of the way.”
He moved to get his bike, unchaining it and cursing the tangled mess that had happened from everyone else shoving his bike around to get their own out. All the while he could hear the badly hidden sobs behind him.
He just knew he was going to cave and ask.
When he stood up and turned around, Butters had his back pressed to the wall as if he was trying to actively merge with it. His eyes were cast down now, just as watery.
“What are you crying about?”
Butters jumped again at the question. He looked up and began to wring his fingers together. “Shucks, Craig, I don’t wanna bog you down with my lil’ problems.”
“Okay?”
“But...” Butters glanced down again. “If you wanna know...I was meant to be hanging out with Stan and the other fellas today, but they were going to play this new game at Cartman’s house, and they said I could only go if I had a controller for Kenny to use, and I don’t, so I wasn’t allowed.”
“Oh.”
“But I ain’t allowed to go home yet. Dad said that if I go home early I’ll get grounded, cause if I wanna be home that badly he can make me. But I don’t wanna be grounded.”
“That sucks.”
Butters looked up with those big, round puppy dog eyes, shuffling his feet about as he gave a timid smile.
“Can I...hang out with you?”
Craig stared at Butters. He tried to think of a reason why he should say no, but nothing really sprang to mind. He didn’t hate Butters, not like he did Cartman. It was just Butters was always there when Cartman was.
But, he wasn’t this time. This time he was on his own and had been crying.
“Sure.”
A smile lit up his face like sunshine breaking through the clouds. Craig huffed out as he wheeled his bike out of the shed.
“I, uh, I don’t have a bike.”
“That’s fine, you use the seat,” Craig instructed as he straddled the frame.
They rode in silence. He could feel Butters’ hands clutching his jacket as he pedalled. With the extra weight it was extra effort, and he kind of wished he’d suggested Butters rode the bike and he just sat there.
But Butters was smaller by a fraction, his legs were less gangly than Craig’s. They didn’t bump into him so much while he rode.
They eventually made it to the Tucker household and Craig swore under his breath as they approached. On the doorstep was his sister, sat on the step with her coat on as she scowled at the ground below.
Great. Just great.
He slowed to a stop and barked for Butters to get off as he tried to keep it standing with his foot on the floor, grunting as he felt a knee in the back of his leg. It wasn’t graceful.
Tricia had turned her scowl to him. He flipped her the bird. She did the same.
Butters waved at her. She narrowed her eyes.
“Hi, uh, I’m Butters.”
“Butters isn’t a real name.”
He heaved out a sigh. “Fuck off, Ruby.”
“It isn’t.”
“He can be called whatever he wants. You’re allowed to call yourself whatever you want.”
She turned her attention back to the newbie. “You can’t hang out here.”
He watched the way the nervous smile on Butters’ face fell. Heartbroken at yet another rejection.
“You can still hang out,” Craig corrected, “we just have to go somewhere else.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded. Butters nodded in return.
“Where are we going?” Tricia asked.
Craig glared at her. “Who said you were invited?”
“You have to take me. Mom said that I had to wait for you so I could spend time with you. She said it was family bonding.”
“Why?”
“She and dad had a fight and they said that they need the house so they can sort it out.”
Craig scrunched his nose up in disgust. They wanted to make up. That was gross.
“You can hang out with us!” Butters offered with a wide smile. “Why, I don’t wanna see anyone left all on their lonesome.”
She stood up and brushed down the back of her coat as she wandered over to them, like Butters was the final say in the conversation.
“Let me put my bike away. We can’t all fit on it.”
“I bet we can.”
Craig flipped his sister the bird. Again.
He dumped his bike in the back garden before wandering back out to the front. The pair of them were still where he left them, unfortunately, but we’re now chatting.
“...name is Leopold.”
Tricia’s face twisted. “Butters is better.”
“I think so too!”
“Come on,” Craig gestured for them to follow him. “Lets go to the park.”
It wasn’t too far to walk. He listened to Tricia grill Butters on various topics while they walked, the conversation happening without him needing to get involved. She asked about his favourite subject – maths – and had a suitable horrified reaction to the admission. She asked about why he was hanging out with her loser brother.
“Fuck off, Ruby,” Craig snapped. “Just cause you don’t have any friends.”
“I have friends!”
“Then why are you hanging out with me?”
She stuck her tongue out at him.
He glanced to his other side where Butters stood, shy smile on his face. Craig looked ahead again.
When they arrived at the park there was a handful of people there already. A group of boys playing pirates on the jungle gym. A group of teenagers playing in the basket ball court. The Tucker siblings had no intention of hanging out there.
Instead they headed towards the trees, finding the ones closest to the fence to get a good look at the road behind the park that separated it from the cinema.
“This is our secret spot!” Tricia announced as she weaved through the bushes that were flattened from years of kids treading through them. “So you can’t tell anyone, okay?”
“Uh, okay, I won’t tell anyone.”
“You better not! I’ll know if you do!”
Craig stopped in front of his favourite tree, looking up to the branches above while he waited for Tricia. She approached and started to reach for the closest branch, fingers grabbing at it despite it being out of reach. Craig ducked down to wrap his arms round her waist and lift her up.
He grunted as he did so. She was getting heavier.
When she had the first branch she began to pull herself onto it, Craig holding her feet so she had something to push against. She got up easy enough.
“We’re gonna climb the trees?” Butters asked.
“We’re gonna throw rocks at cars!”
Craig hissed up at Tricia. “Keep it down, dumbass. I’m gonna hand you the rocks, okay?”
She nodded her head with a wicked smile across her face.
He began to ferry them up as she shoved them in her pockets, before she announced they were full and started to climb higher.
Craig turned to Butters. He was tapping his knuckles together with a furrowed brow.
“You don’t have to come up. You can stand guard.”
“Oh...”
Jesus, this kid was hard to read. “You can come up, you just look like you don’t want to.”
“I do!” Butters insisted. “I do, I just...why, if my dad finds out about this, I’ll be in heaps of trouble. I’ll probably get grounded!”
“You get grounded for literally everything,” Craig observed. “You might as well have fun.”
“Yeah...yeah! You’re right! I should have fun!”
“Cool. So, do you want a leg up?”
Craig ended up cupping his hands for Butters to place a foot on before helping him up to the branch Tricia had since vacated. From there he began the shaky climb to where she was. Craig followed behind.
There was a section of the trees where the foliage was clearer. They could see cars as they passed, keeping score on who managed to actually hit the cars.
Butters began to loosen up. He laughed as Tricia scored a hit, and cheered when he did himself. The pair of them giggled as they tried to hide when the ticket seller from the cinema appeared in view, shouting up at them to knock it off.
Craig lined up a shot, tongue between his teeth as he concentrated.
He hit the guy on the forehead.
The three of them climbed down as the guy began to head towards the park, shushing each other as they hid beneath the picnic benches. They saw him pass, storming over to the trees.
“Now!”
Craig ran first and they escaped the playground.
They wandered around town for some time, stopping only when they were hungry enough to eat. Tricia produced money from her breast pocket that she’d been given when she was kicked out the house, and Craig used it to buy them burritos from Freeman’s Tacos.
It was dark when Butters’ phone rang. It was his dad, summoning him home. He abandoned the last few bites of his food.
“Want us to walk you home?” Craig offered.
“No, no it’s fine. I’ll go myself. My dad doesn’t like it when I hang out with people and I haven’t told him who they are.”
Craig accepted that as an answer.
Tricia waited until Butters was out of earshot before she spoke, the siblings watching as his retreating figure disappeared from sight. Craig busied himself with finishing his food.
“I like him,” she declared. “He can hang out with us again.”
He rolled his eyes.
It wasn’t the last time the three of them spent time together. Butters found him, time and time again, meeting him at the bike shed after Craig finished detention. If Butters was there, Tricia would latch onto them, insisting she got to spend time with her new friend Butters.
--
“Butters is crying again.”
There were two responses that Craig had towards that sentence. One was an unsettling concern because, who made Butters cry? Not that it was hard to do; it happened a lot. If he got defensive every time it happened, his fists would be marred red with blood. But it still caused a niggling annoyance in the back of his brain that he associated with a desire to protect.
The second response was panic. Because it was an observation that was directed towards him. Stan was sat opposite him in the cafeteria, staring him down. Once he’d said it his friends on either side looked to him too for some kind of reaction. Token and Clyde waiting for him to do something. He didn’t like people to expect him to want to help Butters. It made him nervous.
“So?”
Stan rolled his eyes. “So, Kenny’s not here today. Someone needs to go calm him down.”
“You found him, why don’t you calm him down?”
“Do we really have to go through this every time?” a new person asked. Craig looked up to see Kyle approach, two trays in hand as he put one in front of Stan. He scrunched his nose up at the domesticated pair. Kyle wanted to grow some fucking balls and stop acting like Stan’s run around. “You and Kenny are the best at calming him down, and Kenny isn’t here, so it’s on you.”
“I’m eating my lunch.”
“I’ll watch it for you.”
He looked to Token on his left, who had turned his attention back to his lunch. He looked to Clyde, who’s big brow eyes were staring at him while he chewed on his lunch in a way that was reminiscent of a cow chewing grass.
Seeing the matching expectant stares of Stan and Kyle across the table made him lose his appetite. He let out a long sigh to let them know what an inconvenience this was for him as he pushed himself to his feet.
“Where is he?”
“He’s round the steps at the back, where the goth kids hang out.”
“How do you even know he’s there?” Craig asked, pinning his eyes to Kyle. “Not taken up smoking to mar your perfect son act, have you?”
Kyle bristled. Stan answered, “No, Pete texted me. They want someone to go get him. Apparently, he’s ruining the mood.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Craig muttered as he grabbed his tray and headed for the exit, throwing a middle finger over his shoulder as he heard Kyle shout a hollow ‘thank you’ at his back.
What a bunch of fucking wastes of space.
It wasn’t that he didn’t get on with the people he called his friends. He did. But if he didn’t at least act like it was all beneath him, they’d ask questions. Specifically Clyde and Kyle would ask questions, as the nosiest fuckers he’d ever met. The pair of them loved to get in his business far too much.
Not that it wasn’t an inconvenience, because it was, but maybe he put on a bit of an act. Not that there was anything to hide. Not much.
He headed through the hallways with his tray in hand, dodging a couple of teachers who would’ve confiscated the item that wasn’t allowed outside the cafeteria. With his destination in sight he picked up speed, heading out the double doors that lead to the steps where the goth kids hung out, along with a few other smokers.
He saw Butters first. It was hard not to when he was sat on the bottom step. The sound of the door opening behind him was enough to cause the blonde to jump, turning with wide, startled eyes as he looked up to the person intruding on his moment.
Craig always found it kind of fascinating the way those pale cheeks would colour with red blots when he cried. Not quite turning his whole face pink, but trying their darndest. And by fascinating he meant, sort of adorable.
“Hey,” he greeted from his place on the top step. “You’re missing the chocolate fudge cake.”
Butters’ eyes snapped to the tray, before back up to Craig’s face. “You’re not allowed that outside the cafeteria.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not allowed to smoke on school property either. Have you hounded those fuckers about that?”
“Well, course I haven’t! I don’t wanna be a square.”
“Then shut the fuck up and eat the chocolate fudge cake.”
Butters curled in on himself a little bit more, despite the way a small smile began to stretch across his face. “I ain’t gonna steal your cake, Craig.”
“You’re not stealing it, I’m giving it to you,” he pointed out as he moved to sit down next to Butters on the bottom step. He could feel the cold concrete numbing his butt cheeks through his jeans as soon as he sat down. “I don’t like them anyway. They make me feel like I’m eating sandpaper.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m really not.”
They were silent as Butters did what he was told and ate the dessert on Craig’s tray. He glanced over to where the goth kids were stood, a full twenty feet away from them, far enough that with their low music they probably wouldn’t even hear their conversation, never mind Butters’ pathetic little sobs. He wondered what it was that they’d said to Stan.
He didn’t try to rush Butters. He waited for the tray to be placed on the ground, half finished lunch and empty space where there was once cake. He didn’t prompt Butters either, just waited for him to speak in his own time.
“Dad texted me. He said I gotta stay out tonight, because Grandma’s visiting.”
“Why does that mean you have to stay out?”
“Because she hasn’t forgiven me for calling her a wrinkly old hag last time she visited. He said, ‘well, Butters, you gotta learn there are consequences to your actions, and these are the consequences!’, and so now I’m not allowed home when Grandma’s visiting.”
“So, you’re crying because you can’t go home?”
“I’m crying because I don’t know what to do,” Butters explained. “I tried texting Ken, but he ain’t responding, and I know he’s said I can go round even when he’s not there, but I don’t wanna impose like that.”
“Why don’t you come round to ours?”
Butters looked up with those big, round blue eyes. Craig wondered if he needed to be concerned about his internal organs when his stomach started fluttering like he’d eaten a swarm of butterflies.
“My parents won’t care.”
“Are you sure?”
“They don’t all the other times you turn up unannounced.”
Butters gave a short bubbling laugh. Craig wanted to drive screwdrivers straight into his ear canal so he didn’t have to deal with the way his heart pick up speed. “I guess not. Your mom does make good food.”
“Yeah, sure she does.”
“She does! You can tell she tries super hard.”
“That doesn’t make it good.”
Butters knocked his shoulder against Craig’s as he looked back down towards the tray. “Thanks, Craig.”
“No problem.”
“I guess we should really get this back to the cafeteria, huh?”
“I thought you said you didn’t want to be a square?”
They ditched the tray on top of the lockers. Specifically on top of the lockers where Stan’s was, as some kind of petty revenge. Butters moved through the halls with a bit more skip in his step and a smile on his face. It was nice to see.
He preferred not to think too hard about why it was so nice to see. Even as Butters began to natter away, round eyes as expressive as ever, glittering against the stark white light of the school corridors. Every time they landed on Craig he felt himself float a little higher. Become a little lighter.
He preferred to ignore the way his fingers would twitch when he saw the blonde hair that was growing out of its style. The shorter mohawk-mullet that Tricia kept up for him. Something that his parents despised. Something Craig longed to know the texture of.
He really, really needed to do something about this whole...ordeal.
--
Laura Tucker was summoning him as soon as he entered the house. She called him from the kitchen, leaning back from the sink to look through to the front door where he was with Butters.
“Oh!” she smiled at the blonde who waved to her. “I didn’t know you were coming round.”
Butters shied away at the comment. “Aw, I’m mighty sorry for imposing, Mrs Tucker.”
“You’re not imposing, sweetheart. You’re welcome here.”
“Thank you!”
“Craig, honey, I need your help washing up.”
“Why?”
“Because I put food on your plate so you can get your ass in here and help me wash up.”
Butters shuffled his weight about. “I don’t mind helping, Mrs Tucker?”
“You’re a guest, Butters. I’m not going to make you do the drying for me.”
“Honest! I don’t mind!”
“Craig can’t get out of it every time.”
Craig rolled his eyes, nudging his arm into Butters’ side. “Don’t worry about it.”
Butters disappeared up the stairs with both their bags as he headed for the kitchen, moving round his mom to get the towel and begin drying the dishes she had been washing. She asked him about his school day and if he had much homework. He lied to her and said he had none before changing the topic.
“Butters is staying over.”
Laura didn’t even deign him with a glance. She just rolled her eyes and scoffed. “I should start sending bills to the Stotch’s for food and board the amount that their boy is round here. Is he staying the night?”
“Yeah, probably.”
“Of course he is,” she handed him another plate. “Of course! What does he want for dinner?”
“I don’t think he cares, you know he eats whatever you give him.”
“He deserves to pick every now and then! I want to make him something he’ll enjoy!”
“You gotta not burn it for him to enjoy it.”
She kicked the side of his leg. “You cheeky fucker.”
“He likes your spaghetti?”
“Okay, spaghetti it is. Are you going to help?”
He gave a long, dawn out groan. “I’m helping with the dishes, and now I have to help with dinner too?”
“Fine, fine, but at least do your homework. Get Butters to help you, he’s clever.”
“I don’t have any homework.”
“Sure you don’t,” she drawled with an eyeroll.
They finished the dishes in comfortable silence and she permitted him to leave. Suggested he took up drinks for them both, and that dinner would be done by five. He doubted it. It’d probably be late. She wasn’t the best with time management for things she didn’t actively enjoy doing.
He did take two drinks up and entered his room to find Butters already sat on his bed playing a game on his phone. He looked up when Craig entered and gave a warm smile. Craig used the excuse of putting the drinks down on his nightstand to avoid looking at the smile for too long.
“How’s your mom?”
Craig huffed as he flopped down on his bed next to Butters. “You’re gonna see her in like half an hour.”
“Still! I wanted to be polite.”
“She’s fine,” he grumbled with a roll of his eyes and a reluctant smile. “She’s whatever. She told me to get you to help me with my homework.”
Butters laid back to be in the same position as Craig, round eyes wide as they locked with Craig’s. “I can do that! It’s the least I can do after you agreed to put me up for the night.”
“Yeah, make me do my homework, what a way to say thank you.”
“Aw, shucks, c’mon, it ain’t that bad! You’re gonna have to do it one way or another.”
“I don’t have to.”
“Well, you should.”
Craig scoffed as he rolled his head to the side to look at Butters properly. Butters, who’s smile got that little wider, and eyes got that little brighter.
“What do you wanna start with?”
“I’ve just finished school, can’t I have five minutes to chill first?”
“Alrighty then, if that’s what you really want. We can just lie here and wait for you to stop being a little bitch.”
He stuck his tongue out in a petulant display, which Butters returned with equal dramatics. He gave a bark of laughter at the way his round face scrunched up at the action, cheeks raising as his eyes squeezed shut for the moment. When they reopened they left Craig stunned for a moment. Dazzled at the closeness of the clear sky they displayed.
He saw the way his blonde hair was fanned out across his bedcovers. He wondered if it felt as soft as it looked, such a fair shade of blonde that had barely changed since they were kids, unlike Bebe who’s hair had settled into a darker shade that she had to highlight to make anywhere near as light as Butters’.
He snapped out of his revere when a hand touched the locks and he looked to see Butters’ eyes still on him, a pink tinge in his cheeks as he admitted, “I really need to get Trish to fix it. It’s growing out a bit.”
“It looks fine to me?”
“Yeah?” The shyness left for something a little more joyful. “It does?”
“I mean, yeah, it’s growing out a bit, but it’s not bad,” he fumbled. “It still looks fine. It suits you.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
He didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. Instead he held Butters’ gaze, feeling his stomach churn uncomfortably at the smile on his face that was directed at Craig. Not for the first time, Craig wondered what went through Butters’ head when he spent time with Craig. Did he get the same flutter in his chest? The same warmth to his face, or brimming of energy in his limbs? Did he think Craig was attractive, too?
His lips parted, looking like he was about to speak. Then Craig’s door slammed open.
They both bolted into sitting positions and Craig felt like he’d given himself whiplash as his brain slammed the defensive button at the intrusion.
“Trish, what the fuck?!” he scrambled to his feet and made to block the doorway and drag her out his room. “Have you never heard of knocking?!”
“Mom said Butters was here!” she crowed as she ducked under Craig’s arm. “I’m here to see him, not you!”
“I don’t care, you can’t barge into my room!”
“Butters!” she whined out as he grabbed her arm. “Get him to let go! He’s hurting me!”
“Now, Craig, that ain’t no way to treat your sister.”
He held on for a second longer. A second where he pretended that he wasn’t the kind of person who would just fold to someone’s every whim. A very specific someone.
Tricia was quick to rush to Butters’ side as soon as she was freed. She climbed onto the bed next to him and launched into a melodramatic story about her day. Craig picked up his school bag and moved to his desk to put some distance between himself and the annoyance that was his baby sister.
Butters seemed genuinely happy about her presence, which only annoyed him further as it meant she definitely wouldn’t leave.
It did end up with them completing their homework as Tricia hung out with them while playing games on her phone until his mother called them for dinner. The evening went as well as he would expect it, with them watching TV until Laura herded them to bed.
Butters got into his bed first. It was a habit he’d developed the first time he’d stayed at the Tucker household, where he, Craig, and Tricia had ended up falling asleep on Craig’s bed. Since then they’d shared, and even now Craig didn’t have the heart to kick him out, as much as he wished he could.
He had once offered to start sleeping on the floor, to give Butters more space, who had quite naively announced that Craig’s bed was a double, so why wouldn’t they share it?
He lay awake staring at the ceiling as he listened to the soft breathing of the boy next to him, facing away from him. He knew better than to fall into the temptation of watching Butters sleep. It was creepy as fuck, he told himself, and he was not going to stoop to that level.
He didn’t always succeed.
--
Their parents had sent them out. Given them money and a shopping list to complete. Tricia didn’t seem to mind. She enjoyed going to the shops, even if it was just for chores. He didn’t mind spending time with Tricia, but he did mind doing chores. When he’d suggest she went on her own, his parents always gave him some bullshit excuse about her not being old enough to go on her own, despite the fact that she was eleven. She was perfectly old enough to go on her own. It wasn’t like South Park was some big, frightening city. He was hanging out on his own at her age. With his friends, at least.
She at least knew which shops they needed for which items.
They entered one of these shops and bumped straight into Linda Stotch. She looked down at them with a tight smile, nostrils flaring as her eyes roamed across Craig’s face, before settling on Tricia. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
“Oh, hello you two. What brings you into town?”
Tricia was as polite as ever. Flat tone, factual answer. “We’re buying stuff for the house. Our parents gave us a shopping list.”
“Well, isn’t that nice of you? Your parents are very lucky to have such a... responsible daughter.”
This bitch.
“Is Butters with you?” Tricia asked with a bit more enthusiasm.
“He...is, yes, he’s just paying. We’re about to leave, so I’m afraid he won’t be able to spend time with you today.”
Tricia’s mood visibly dropped. The flat, monotone look on her face made way for large, round grey eyes. She leant into Craig’s side a little as she said a single syllable.
“Oh...”
Linda’s face contorted. He saw her will crumbling. Yeah, this is why he didn’t totally hate his sister. She was pretty handy to have around.
“Well, I’m sure he can spare five minutes to say hello...”
“Really?” she perked up instantly.
“Just five minutes, though.”
Butters arrived and Tricia met him with a hug round the waist. He returned it with a wide smile and answered her usually, probing questions about what was in the bag and when he was visiting next. Craig watched him skilfully dodge round the second one in front of his mom, who was lingering close by.
Craig looked over to her to see her eyes pinned to him. He tried not to shrivel under her watchful stare.
“Hey, Craig!”
He sucked in a breath as Butters finally let go of Tricia in order to address him. He didn’t try to instigate contact. Not with Mrs Stotch so close.
“You having a nice day?”
He needed to be careful. Mrs Stotch already didn’t like him. He had to make sure he wasn’t obvious. Keep it cool, Tucker.
“Uh, yeah, real swell.”
His palms were beginning to sweat. Jesus, he felt like it was emblazoned across his forehead.
Butters waited for a moment. Stared at him expectantly.
Shit, say something.
“You...having a nice day?”
Butters nodded. “I sure am! Mom and I are doing some shopping for the house.”
“Yeah, uh, us too. Me and Trish. Just, working down the shopping list.”
Was she still staring at him?
He dared to glance over, and snapped his eyes back to Butters.
Shit, yeah, she was. With evil, narrowed eyes. Like some wicked witch that could read his mind.
“That’s five minutes, honey. We ought to go.”
Butters reached out to pat Craig on the arm as he headed for his mother. “I’ll see you in school tomorrow?”
“Right,” Craig bit back on the grin that was threatening his face. “See you tomorrow.”
The pair of them left. Craig stared at the door. Had he been obvious? He kind of wished he’d just told her to fuck off, so that Butters could hang out with them instead. Chores were significantly less bad when Butters was by his side.
“Oh my god,” Tricia said next to him. “You’re so fucking hopeless, it’s pathetic.”
“Fuck you, I’m not hopeless.”
“You so are, hopelessly crushing on the town’s biggest fucking dork.”
“You like Butters.”
“I do,” she confirmed. “He’s like this stray animal you brought home who’s missing a leg and half his fur, but we patched him up so now I feel responsible for making sure he’s happy.”
She wasn’t wrong. That was a pretty apt comparison of what had happened.
“But just because I like him doesn’t make him not a dork. But you’re not that great yourself.”
Craig raised his middle finger. She returned the action.
“It’s okay though. I’m going to help you.”
“Help me? You’ve never helped a single person in your life.”
“That’s not true!” she snapped with a glare. “I’ve helped people!”
“Name one person you’ve helped.”
“I’ve helped...Butters! I helped Butters, like, keep him company and shit.”
“Okay, sorry, I should’ve known. Butters is involved. Of course you want to help.”
“Exactly!”
He looked back to the door. He thought of the distrustful eyes of Mrs Stotch and felt a shiver go down his spine.
“Uh, Trish?”
“Yeah?”
“Was I... really that obvious?”
She gave a loud groan and rolled her eyes to the ceiling before turning and heading fully into the store. He felt panic swell in his chest at her dramatics. Was that a yes?
--
Spending time with Butters, and just Butters, was a rarity for Tricia. Her stupid brother with his stupid crush was insistent that he was present every time that Butters was in the house. He was like a fucking greyhound with a scent for pathetic, cute blonde boys to dote on. It was sickening really, how much of a simp he became towards the people he like-liked.
Every now and then it did happen. Tricia had been helping keep her dad’s head shaved since she hit eight. Once her dolls all had haircuts too perfect to ruin, he observed her skill and decided fuck it, and so she was gifted with his razor. Then, when Butters hit fifteen last year, he decided he wanted something dramatic doing to his hair, and tried to cut it himself at home with his mom’s scissors, seeing as he couldn’t go to the hairdressers without parental supervision and instruction on hairstyle. She fixed the mess he’d made in no time.
His parents were so suitably horrified by the Mohawk she gave him that he kept going back to her. She’d developed the base into a mullet-style now, and was quite pleased with how it looked.
He was sat in their bathroom as she prepared her scissors and what used to be her dad’s razor, but she had decided was now hers. She had music playing on her phone as they chatted away about how their lives were and if he wanted something different. He didn’t. He never did. He revelled in the look on his mother’s face too much.
It was here she decided to make her move. With Butters sat patiently as she touched up his hair, shaving the sides and trimming the ends. It was a rare moment for just the two of them where Craig was absent. The perfect time to strike.
“Why do you even hang out with my brother?” she asked as her opening question. “He’s such an asshole. And you’re, like, good in school and stuff.”
“Your brother ain’t that bad!” Butters insisted with a smile. “I think under that grumpy face there’s a heart of gold.”
“Yeah right, he does not have a heart of gold.”
“Sure he does! He invited me round when I got nowhere else to go, and he always makes sure I got company. He’s just pretty swell, I guess.”
She narrowed her eyes as she observed him in the mirror. The soft smile that played across his face and the way his knuckles knocked together in his lap.
“Maybe,” she started slowly as she finished shaving the left-hand side, “he just does those things for you, because he doesn’t do them for his other friends.”
She revelled in the way Butters’ ears went pink, blue eyes widening at the observation.
“I mean, do you make exceptions for him, too? Cause it looks like that for him. Have you ever wondered why he makes the exceptions for you?”
“Trish...” Butters met her eyes through their reflections in the mirror. “Not to be rude, but, uh, why are you asking me all this?”
She hesitated. What was she supposed to say? She couldn’t exactly just out Craig for being madly in love with him. She needed to handle this delicately. It required a subtle hand. Gentle and coy.
“Uh, I think you forget who has all the power here? I can shave all your hair off if you’re going to be a little bitch.”
Thankfully, he laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I get the message. I was just curious. It seemed kind of out the blue.”
“I guess I’m curious, too.”
“I suppose...I’ve never thought about why he does. I just appreciate it, if that’s true. But I think he makes exceptions for you, too. He’s real sweet to you, and even if he acts like he don’t want you to be there, he never tries to make you leave. I think he cares about you a lot.”
Ugh, this was the wrong kind of emotional. It was going to make her break out in hives.
“And what about you? Do you make exceptions for him?”
“I dunno. I try to treat everyone equally. But I’m really grateful for what Craig does,” there was that cute, little smile on his face again. “I hope he knows I am.”
She finished up his hair feeling like she hadn’t got much done. Craig got home and her moment to act was over before she had really finished. She was left feeling annoyed and like she should’ve never said she was going to help Craig. He probably wouldn’t even acknowledge how wonderful she was once she succeeded, either. Bastard.
--
Craig ended up having to carry Tricia to bed that night. She fell asleep on the couch while they were watching a movie. Ten minutes before the end, Butters got a text from his parents summoning him home. Craig offered to turn it off, but as normal after Tricia had done his hair, he was in a rebellious mood and announced if he was going to get grounded, he was going to finish the fucking movie.
Butters had a hand on his lower back to keep him steady with her in his arms as they made their way up the stairs. He should’ve just left her on the couch. She wasn’t as light as she used to be. He supposed the feeling of a warm hand imprinting into his back kind of made it worth it.
They shut the door to her room gently. Craig offered to walk Butters half way. He agreed.
The first part of their journey was quiet. Companionable silence wasn’t unusual for them, but he could see there was something playing on Butters’ mind. He didn’t want to pry, but...
“What’s up with you?”
Butters looked up with wide eyes.
“You seem kinda quiet. But not like normal.
“Oh...” Butters shrugged. “It’s just...Trish was pretty weird earlier.”
Craig felt a spark of annoyance at his meddlesome sister and did his best to keep his eyes ahead. “Trish is always weird.”
“She was especially weird today,” Butters insisted. “She was asking why I hang out with you.”
He swallowed a lump in his throat. He dared to ask, “what did you say?”
“You sure have put me on the spot now, haven’t you?”
“You brought it up.”
“I said you weren’t that bad.”
Craig finally looked down to see the blue eyes already waiting to meet him. “Not that bad, huh?”
“I didn’t wanna lie.”
“Fuck you.”
Butters laughed and elbowed Craig in the side. “I said I thought you were grumpy, but with a heart of gold.”
He felt his insides melt as he forced a frown on his face to avoid the smile that wanted to break out.
“It’s true!”
“Is not.”
“I think it is,” Butters announced with a smile. “I think you’re actually a big softie.”
“You’re fucking delusional.”
He didn’t expand further than that. Craig didn’t force it out of him. They reached the bus stop and Butters gave a small, hurried wave before setting off into a jog towards his house. Craig watched him leave.
He groaned into his hand once he registered that when Tricia said she was going to help, she meant it. He was going to have to do something about that. He really, really didn’t need his cover blown.
--
His phone was ringing. He pulled it out his pocket, ignoring Clyde and Tweek who were playing some dumb racing game on Clyde’s PlayStation while he read a comic. The caller made him panic. It was Kenny.
Kenny wasn’t usually the phone-call kinda guy. He was too quiet for that. Usually when he called it was because it was something he actually needed to say. It was why Craig appreciated him. Neither of them really bullshitted around. They said what needed to be said, and that was that.
He answered the phone with a brief hello. Kenny got straight to the point.
“Butters is crying.”
He glanced to the sofa where Clyde and Tweek were still playing. Neither were paying any attention to him. He got up and headed towards the kitchen before he spoke again. Kenny didn’t rush him.
“What do you want me to do about it?”
“Go comfort him, what do you think?”
“Aren’t you like, his best friend? Isn’t that your job?”
“I’m busy.”
He groaned.
“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy being the big hero, dude. Go give him a kiss and make him feel better.”
“I’m going to go to yours and punch you square in the face.”
“Kinky.”
“Oh my god, shut up. I don’t enjoy being the hero, okay? It just – I don’t like it when he cries. He’s a noisy crier.”
Kenny gave a bark of laughter. “If that’s what you want to tell yourself, sure, let’s pretend he’s a noisy crier.”
“He is!”
“Okay.”
Craig huffed out. “Where is he?”
“Uh, he’s like, in a tree in the playpark? I passed him on my way to work. I called up and asked if he was alright, but I can’t be late for my shift.”
“I’ll go.”
“Thanks, dude.”
He headed to the living room and straight for the front door. It was enough to get Clyde to pause the game and ask who was on the phone.
“Kenny,” Craig answered. “He wants me to go do something for him.”
“Will you be back?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is it Butters-related?”
Craig bristled. “I never said anything about Butters.”
“No, but Kenny called you, so it’s like, fifty-fifty gotta do with Butters.”
“Ugh. Yes. It’s Butters-related.”
“You can bring him back here! I don’t mind. He can hang out with us.”
He didn’t acknowledge the offer. He rushed out the house and shut the door.
By the time he arrived at the park he was out of breath. Because he sort of ran. Just a little bit. He passed by the basketball court and jungle gym, heading into the mess of trees next to the picnic benches. He stopped at the one they normally climbed. He could see a pair of baby blue converse swinging.
Butters was up there. He didn’t notice Craig at first.
He wasn’t a noisy crier. Butters was a pretty quiet crier. He kept his sobs to a minimum. There was rarely any big wailing. He could keep it internalised, but the glossy eyes and wet tracks down his cheeks gave him away, along with the blotchy red cheeks.
He was kind of...melancholic when he cried. Craig was pretty sure it was because he played scenes over and over on what had caused the tears.
After a moment of watching, he reached up and started to climb the tree.
This caused Butters to be alerted to his presence. He didn’t say anything until Craig was sat on the branch next to him, either side of the trunk. Craig looked up at met his eyes. He gave a shaky smile.
“Kenny tell you I was here?”
Craig nodded.
“You didn’t need to come find me, y’know? I would’ve been fine.”
“I know,” Craig said. “What’s wrong?”
Butters rested his head against the trunk, never breaking eye contact. “I just had an argument with my dad.”
“What about?”
“It was nothing, really...I didn’t wanna eat dinner early, cause I wasn’t hungry. He told me off for making mom slave over food and then not even eating it, so I said I would eat it, just later. Put it in the microwave. He said that weren’t what microwaves were made for and if that was the attitude I was gonna have, he’d just get rid of the microwave.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. So I said, ‘go on then, ya’ bitter old man, get rid of it’, and he said, ‘don’t you be calling me no bitter old man, you learnt that sorta language from them Tucker kids, didn’t you?’, and I said, ‘I just know what all the words mean, just like how I know you ain’t gonna get rid of the microwave’ and he said, ‘oh, I will! You just watch me, buster!’ and I said, ‘how about I help ya’ then, seeing as you can’t do nothing yourself’ and then I unplugged the microwave and dropped it on the floor.”
Craig choked on his laughter.
Butters gave a low chuckle. “Aw, man, you should’a seen the look on his face. I thought he was gonna have an aneurism with how red he went.”
“Jesus, dude.”
“Y’know when Kyle gets all mad but he’s in class so he can’t say nothing, and goes that weird, maroon-colour?”
“Oh my god.”
“Yeah, like that. I didn’t think anyone could look like that except for Kyle. But boy did my dad prove me wrong.”
The smile on his face faded. He looked down towards the road where cars passed the front of the old cinema.
“He...he started to undo his belt, an’ - he ain’t done that in a long time. So, I ran out the back door. There’s a fence slat that’s loose, that I use to sneak into Eric’s sometimes when he wants something. It’ll be boarded up by the time I get home. I was doing so well at not letting him find out about it, too.”
Craig felt a cold chill go through him.
He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t imagine his dad threatening to hit him with a belt. It made him frightened and angry all at the same time that this was something Butters had to put up with. It made him want to throw up and also put Mr Stotch in the ground. Butters didn’t deserve it. Even if he did wreck the microwave.
“You deserve better than them.”
Butters looked up at him, big blue eyes wide as he absorbed the words. Like this was the first time he was hearing them, even though Craig had said it before.
No matter how many times he said it, Butters never seemed to register the words.
“I’m serious. You’re a good person, and they’re fucking garbage. You deserve better.”
Butters let out a shallow puff of air as a smile touched at the corners of his lips. “Calling me a good person might be a bit of a stretch. Why, just last week I helped you and your sister set fire to Mrs Henderson’s trashcan.”
“See? You’re helpful. So good.”
He finally received an amused chuckle for his efforts.
“And your dad is a bitter old man. I bet if you were stronger than him, he wouldn’t even think of trying that shit.”
“Maybe that’s the answer,” Butters joked. “I just gotta start hittin’ the gym and get big enough to hit him back.”
It was a harrowing sentence. What was even more harrowing was thinking about how right he was.
“I am sorry for disturbing you though. I hope you weren’t busy.”
“I was just at Clyde’s house. He...said you could come back with me, if you want? Tweek’s there.”
“I think I’d like that.”
He got down from the tree first, before putting up his arms to help Butters after him. The blonde jumped down gracefully. When he looked up with a wide smile Craig noticed that the red on his face had faded.
Then, Butters’ arms were wrapped round his middle.
He didn’t know what to do. He could feel his heart slamming against his ribcage. He was struggling to breathe, and not because Butters was holding him too tightly. Though he was being held pretty tight. He wrapped his arms round Butters’ back and ran his hand up and down between his shoulder blades. It was...
Kind of nice.
“Sorry,” Butters muttered into his hoodie. “I know you ain’t exactly the hugging type.”
“I don’t mind.”
Butters pulled back enough to look up through glossy baby blues. “I thought you told Clyde if he tried to hug you one more time you’d kick him in the balls?”
“That’s Clyde, and you’re you, so,” he shrugged and adverted his gaze as he felt his cheeks begin to warm. “It’s different.”
Butters didn’t respond at first. Craig could feel his eyes on him, looking for some kind of explanation that he just wasn’t willing to give. He also wasn’t quite willing to let go of the hug, though he was contemplating whether or not actually setting himself on fire would help him explain away the burning sensation on his face.
“Thanks, Craig.”
“Sure.”
Butters dropped his head forward again to rest against Craig’s collar. His face was completely hidden from view when he spoke. The words had Craig’s heart go double time.
“Trish said...you make exceptions for me.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat. He hoped Butters couldn’t hear how fast his heart was beginning to race, being so close to his chest. “Did she?”
“Yeah. She asked if I ever thought about why you did it. And asked if I ever made exceptions for you.”
He wondered how long it would take to choke his sister to death. She was smaller than him, if he did it at arm’s length, she wouldn’t be able to reach him to defend herself.
“I thought that maybe I should...give you something to show how much I appreciate what you do for me.”
He wanted to say he didn’t need to. That he didn’t do that much. That he definitely didn’t treat Butters that different, it was no big deal. He didn’t dare speak. He felt too shaky.
Butters finally pulled his face out from it’s hiding spot. Craig looked down to meet the big blues. He admired the way the sparkled. He wanted to hold Butters in this spot forever. He also wanted to drown himself in Stark’s Pond.
Then Butters moved. He reached up and Craig went into full meltdown mode. His eyes blew wide as Butters’ lips brushed against his cheek before pressing down fully. It was...
Jesus fucking Christ, why was his body having this much of an allergic reaction to a fucking kiss on the fucking cheek?
Butters pulled back and Craig wanted to hide his face. He could feel how warm it was. He didn’t want to know how red it actually was. Especially not when Butters bit down on his bottom lip to stop a laugh when his eyes roamed across Craig’s face and cheeks.
He looked away. He couldn’t help it. He wanted so badly to hide.
“Was that...okay?”
“Yes,” he croaked out. “Uh, yeah, whatever.”
Butters squeezed his arms round his waist one more time before taking a step back. “We should...go back to Clyde’s, then. Don’t want him worrying about us!”
He looked up to see a pink hue on Butters’ cheeks. He cleared his throat before speaking.
“Yeah, you’re right. C’mon. Let’s go.”
He summoned all the courage in his body. As he passed Butters to head for the exit to the trees, he took hold of his hand.
They emerged to the main playpark like normal, except now their hands were clasped together. He led the way out the park like he was dragging Butters along behind him, but neither of them let go when they made it to the streets.
They walked to Clyde’s house hand in hand. Craig only let go when they reached the door and he opened it.
Butters sat on the floor of the arm chair he occupied. He laughed and watched as Clyde and Tweek played a new game. He was thrilled when he was given a controller to take a turn.
When he won, he turned and looked up at Craig with a wide, beaming grin. Craig met it with a close-lipped smile of his own.
Even on the walk home as they made normal conversation, he could tell there was a shift in their dynamic. Butters gave him a hug as they parted ways at the bus stop which he returned. He wondered if he should say something, but...it didn’t feel like the right time. He was kind of scared, that he was reading it wrong. He also didn’t want to take away from the comfort he’d given.
He was kind of enjoying the shift. The shyness on Butters’ face. The way the fluttering in his stomach didn’t feel as obnoxious as it had before. It left him less wanting to plunge a knife into his stomach, and more like he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.