Archive of Our Own

The gang was leaving. Again. Off to get groceries or whatever, I hadn’t been listening. As the portal closes, I march back to my spot on the couch, the one that I always go to when they leave. There’s already a game pulled up on the TV so I just grab my controller off the couch and get playing. It’s dumb and boring, something I’ve done before. I think the most interesting part is starting, so I restart the game file back to the very beginning. I’m just leaving the house. The character I’m playing is stalling, or trying to. It’s an unskippable cutscene, so I parrot the words back.

“You’re forbidden from leaving the town!” I say, doing my best to deepen my voice. Once Nightmare heard me, and he came over to do it better. I uh, didn’t hear him coming up behind me. I will admit that his voice is much deeper than my screech.

“B-but father!” I continue, ignoring the fact that’s not what the next line is. I try to imitate the classic princess voice, and I hit it better than I want to. “I want adventure !” What the character is actually saying is along the lines of ‘yea sure whatever you say dad’ as a sort of nod to the character’s personality.

“Thank you for listening to me.” I deepen my voice for the line then revert to my normal tone. “And then he leaves. Just like my brothers. Without telling me where, when they’ll be back, or what exactly they’re doing.” In truth, the father is headed to the castle. There he’ll be trading and making connections and ignoring his kid, the player character. Well, you only find that out when you’re about an hour into gameplay. The PC doesn’t really seem to know this? And they try to ignore it afterwards. If you do it right they’ll actually get really mad at their dad instead. I like doing it that way. 

I go through the motions, leading the PC to the right shops, talking to the important people, and then I leave the village. Guide them to the sword in the stone. God , it’s such a common trope. I mean, I’m not complaining , but it shows up everywhere. In this game, you tread through a lot of forest before getting to this rocky area? At that point you lose the path and have to do a bit of clambering before reaching the BIG stone and then you have to press this random set of buttons (not really random but you get the point) in order to summon the stone. When I reach the stones, I pull a little paper out of my pocket. It’s a list of new cheats that Cross brings back for me to try. He doesn’t bring back what they do though, so it keeps me thoroughly entertained. One of them is a cheat for this game, right here, at the stone. I repeat a certain part of the code for the stone, I guess. Again, I make sure that I don’t really know in order to keep it fun.

I push in the code and the game beeps at me. Wrong set of buttons. I guess the cheat doesn’t work. I’ll have to tell Cross that he needs a new source. I put in the actual code this time, and the screen goes blindingly white ー when it clears I’ll have the sword. Except I don’t. Well, I do, but I’m also at the castle, right in front of the PC’s dad, in the exact scenario where the PC gets mad at him. Oh wow. Note to self: say thanks to Cross.

“A-ah! Kiddo!” The screen beeps, monotonely saying the dad’s lines.

“ This is where you’ve been?!” The note changes, though the sound is still dull. It’s higher. Killer says it’s ‘closer to your voice!’ Because he’s a jerk.

“W-well it’s very important work!”

“But you could’ve brought me . I heard the meeting! They even asked why I wasn’t there!” I indulge myself in the moment. Imagining that I’m the character, and the dad is my brother. Well, I wouldn’t ever be mad at Nightmare like the main character is mad at their dad, but I wish he would bring me. I wish I knew the reason, at the very least. I clench my fingers together, and turn the TV off. It won’t save my progress, but it’s fine. I can get back there in no time, with the new cheat. 

They say it isn’t safe for me to come with them. And I believe them, but I want to know more . Is everywhere not safe? Why isn’t it safe? I stand up and walk away from the couch, treading the well-worn path to my treehouse. Why won’t Nightmare just tell me ?! My mind drifts to the character catching their dad. To the different paths you can take to finding out. To the one path that doesn’t change much, but the dad never knows that you found out. 

Never knows that you found out .

If Nightmare doesn’t know, he won’t get mad. He can’t ! And it’s not like I’m defenseless , I can hold my own against all of my brothers! All I’ll need is a staff. It’ll be like the one that I used to have. Maybe it’ll be my movie moment where I unlock my magic after a near death experience- Ok, actually, no near death experiences. That will definitely catch their attention. Also, that probably isn’t the best way to get my magic. 

I find myself at the training room, and grab a staff off the wall. In a turn of events, I realize I still don’t know how to even leave . It doesn’t matter if I want to , I can’t! I scowl before kicking the floor. It’s so scuffed from endless practice with Killer and Cross and sometimes Nightmare. I look up to glare at the training dummies leaned up against the wall, the ones I use when no one is even here ! One has Nightmare’s goop on it. I want to scream. I don’t want to be stuck here with nothing but a goodbye and couple of STUPID, HECKING, TRAINING DUMMIES!!!!

I shout as I barrel towards the dummy with my brother’s magic on it. I pull the staff to the side just like Killer taught me to, and place my legs carefully just like Nightmare showed me to. I clench my fingers tighter and tighter around the staff, and I can feel splinters trying to shove their way through my bones. I squint my eyes closer and closer until they’re focused on the black splotch across the faded tan of the dummy. Until it’s all I can see. 

RED BLUE PURPLE YELLOW. 

I trip and crash into the floor, my nose splitting from the impact. The colors had jumped out from the black like a shout, blinding me. It reminds me of these waking dreams I’ve been having. Flashing of another person, of someone else in my skin. I don’t really like them, but that’s nothing compared to how my brothers are scared of them. Which doesn’t make sense, because they aren’t awful , but they keep acting like they’re losing me. Then Nightmare will double down on the rule of not leaving the castle. Now though, now it feels kind of awful. My bones are throbbing, but I can’t tell if it’s from the colors or my fall. I try to get up, but nothing is listening and I’m stuck right there.

I hear voices. Is that- Nightmare? He’s shouting, he sounds mean. What is he saying ?! Who is he yelling at?! Me ? There’s- that looks like, ugh, I can’t remember ! There’s- my bones feel warm , burning . And… magic . Like a river, flowing right through me from my SOUL. There’s other magic there too. Not just mine, but cool, liquidy. Like Nightmare’s but more disconnected from its source. Another, bright, hard, confident. It’s so familiar why can’t I-

I gasp and sit up, the jolt from the sudden movement sending my eye lights fizzing. My bones feel like they were just thrown in with the laundry except Horror forgot to put me in the dryer- not that it would’ve helped anyways. The horrid weight of the patchy memory pushes my shoulders down and makes my breathing go thick. I can’t remember most of it now, just the intense feeling of magic . My eye lights focus a bit, the fuzzy grey slowly crispening until I can see ok. I almost reach for my phone to call my brothers. If I tell them I’m hurt, they’ll come running back. They won’t leave me alone. A couple buttons, that’s all it takes. Just pull out the phone and turn on the screen. It’s as easy as that. 

The instructions bounce around my skull, but I don’t move. I stay still, as if my controls are bugged out and my thoughts are a player shouting at their TV. Why aren’t I calling Nightmare? He’ll come help, my brothers will make it ok. 

But would they really ? 

They’re not here right now , and it could be hours until they come home. There’s no one else to check on me, no one else to care. I know I’m supposed to be more understanding, but they leave me here time and time again . I’m tired of it! They baby me when I’m just as capable ! Their excuse? “You have no magic, Sunny D.” The fading feeling of magic crawls back into focus. What if those wonky waking dreams could help?

I stand, sticking out the staff to balance me. The staff . Instinctively, I know that it’s part of how I use my magic. I vaguely remember ( actually remember) using my staff to practice with Nightmare when we were little. Did I know magic then? I was too young to really remember though, so I just focus on the scraps my waking dream gave me.

“DREAM!” Nightmare’s voice booms through the castle, echoing down hallways. It’s been a few hours of endless practice, starting and stopping and maybe and nope and what if and oh no and oops, but I’ve finally managed to use some magic. I summoned my own staff . Unfortunately for me, my brothers just got home, and I really need to hide this before they find it. Also my twin is looking for me. Which means I’ve got to hide it super quick . I rush over to the weapons rack and shove it behind, kind of wedging it beneath the mat (but not really well). I’ll have to come back and fix it later.

“ DREAM ?! WHERE ARE YOU?!” It occurs to me that I said I wouldn’t move from the couch. Whoops.

“IN THE TRAINING ROOM!!” I shout back. My voice doesn’t carry quite as well, so I start leaving. Dust opens the door just as I reach for it.

“Shit, kid,” He says. My brothers are typically careful not to cuss near me (Nightmare’s orders) but his shocked look tells me that it just slipped out.

“What?” I blink at him, doing my best to not think about the staff behind the weapons rack.

“Your face is all busted, what happened ?” Dust reaches out and wraps his hand around the side of my face, tilting it back and forth. 

“ DREAM?!?! ” Guess Nightmare didn’t hear me after all.

“FOUND HIM!” Dust shouts, before scooping me up like a bride and marching me down the hall to the living room.

“H-hey! Put me down!!” I can walk just fine !

“Nope, sorry,” Dust says.

“I’m fine, put me down!” I say.

“Ok.” Dust drops me onto the couch, where my brothers begin crowding around.

“Why weren’t you at the TV?” Cross asks, before he can get a good glimpse at me.

“Damn- what happened to your face?!” Killer says.

“I’ll go get a healing item,” Horror says, turning away.

“There’s one in the shopping bag on the blue chair,” Nightmare tells him. “Dream, why didn’t you call me ?!”

“I’m fine! I don’t get why you all are so worried!” I wriggle myself upright before one of Nightmare’s tentacles shoves me back down.

“Have you gotten a good look at yourself?! Champ, you’re bleeding !” Cross says, leaning over the back of the couch.

“Well I feel fine! I’ve felt fine this whole time!” I snap.

“How’d it happen?” Horror pushes Dust and Nightmare to the side so he can start cleaning my scrapes.

“I tripped and fell, that’s it. Can I go?”

“You fell? When?” Dust sounds way more calm than the others, but his forehead is creased in worry.

“I don’t know, hours ago, what does it matter?” I say, throwing one hand up. I’d throw up both but then I’d smack Horror. All five stare at me.

“ Hours ago?” Killer says.

“That’s what the clock said. You wanna contradict it?” I say, scowling. I stare into the cushions next to me.

“ Why didn’t you CALL ME ?!?!” Nightmare shouts. The others wince, and my twin whipps around to stalk off to who knows where. 

“He didn’t mean it, little man,” Horror says, carefully dabbing at my face.

“Yea, he’s just worried,” Cross adds. “We all are.”

“He’s right, you should’ve called,” Killer says, frowning.

“I figured you guys would be home soon enough,” I scowl. Looking up, only Cross is wincing. It seems like it went right over everyone else’s head.

“You shouldn’t be in the training room when no one’s home.” Killer says firmly. Dust sighs.

“The kid was bored, who can blame him. I’ll go start dinner,” Dust says, turning away.

My brothers continue to dote on me for the rest of the evening, letting me eat dinner on the couch and putting on my favorite movie. Nightmare comes back when dinner is ready, but he doesn’t look at me. I was kind of scared that he’s mad, but I keep noticing a tentacle lingering near me. I guess the guys were right, he’s just worried. When Horror deems it bedtime Cross carries me to my room.

“I can walk, it’s not like I banged up my legs. Besides, the healing item patched me up!” I complain.

“We know, just let us baby you for a bit, ok?” Cross smiles down at me. “You are our baby brother.”

“Is that why you guys won’t let me go out with you?” I ask. Cross stumbles then fails to cover it up.

“I- uh- it’s-” He stutters.

“Complicated?” I say. That’s typically his response. The others will tell me it’s dangerous, I can’t do that, it would be a hassle. Cross just sums it up with “complicated.”

“Yea,” He says, and it sounds more like a sigh then a word. He trods down the hall, his footsteps echoing a bit in the quiet. He lets the silence weigh a bit before continuing. “I’m sorry we took so long today little man. We didn’t mean to be out that long.”

“I was in that room for 3 and a half hours.” I stare at him. He’s pointedly not looking at me.

“We just got caught up, Ink appeared with a friend-” Cross tilted his head up.

“I was in the living room for a good 10 minutes before that.”

“We had to ditch our groceries and then go get more -”

“Yesterday you were out too.”

“Then there was a whole mess with getting the groceries the second time around-”

“2 hours and 13 minutes.”

“ Alright I’m sorry !” Cross looks down at me again. We’ve stopped and I think we’re at my bedroom, but I’m not looking around. I can see little magic tears beading at the edge of his eye sockets. “What more do you want? We have to go out, it’s just what we do ! Buddy, I want to take you with us! Most of us do! But we just shouldn’t . We can’t .” Regret begins to pool in my SOUL. I shouldn’t have come after Cross about this, he’s always been the most accommodating. My brothers have said that they can’t before, who was I to judge? Wait.

“What do you mean ‘most of you guys do?’” I scrunch my face up. Cross sighs again.

“Let’s be real, Nightmare doesn’t want you out there at all.”

“What? Why!” I almost try to sit up, forgetting I’m being held. Cross nearly fumbles me, before gently setting me down on the floor.

“I don’t know, I’m not his therapist (not like he would ever get one),” Cross says, adding the last bit under his breath. We walk into my room as he continues. “But he’s pretty insistent on keeping you safe at home. He doesn’t want you coming anywhere near danger. I think it has something to do with the apple incident.”

I know what he’s referring to. Ever since I found out that ‘Midnight’ was Nightmare, we’ve been referring to the event that separated us in age as the ‘apple incident.’ Neither of us like talking about it, but I accidentally found out a year back that just the smell of apples makes my twin physically sick. That was uh… an interesting day. I might’ve gotten a teensy bit grounded.

“Oh.” I slowly walk over to my bed and sit on the edge.

“Yea.” Cross plops down next to me. “Anything else you need, little man?”

“I don’t know.” I fold my hands over my lap and stare down at them.

“Ok. Send a message on the group chat if you do. Nightmare might’ve been unreasonably mad about it, but he’s right. You’ve got a phone so you can contact us.” Cross gives me a meaningful look and I wince. Cross hugs me. “ I know we keep pounding it but we need to know if you’re hurt.” And I’ve called in the past. They’re used to knowing. I feel another burst of anger. It’s their turn to not know. They refuse to let me know and now they’re getting a taste of their own medicine. But the anger quells when Cross squeezes me a little tighter. I can’t do this to them.

“Goodnight scamp,” He says, before finally leaving me alone in my room. I get ready for bed, pulling on this comfy yellow t-shirt and black baggy sweatpants with flower decor on it. I then flop into bed, laying face-first into the pillows and on top of the blankets. I consider screaming to get all the feelings out, but my brothers’ rooms are just next door. So instead I lay there and think.

How can I get Nightmare to give me more freedom? If Dust, Horror, Cross, and Killer decide I should get to come, he’d have to give in! Of course, Killer is hard to convince to do anything and the others want to keep me safe. So I have to convince them that I can be safe! ...Well how do I do that? I’m already on par with them in terms of fighting skills. Maybe they’re concerned because I’m so stuck against hurting people. What if I become ok with it? Do I even want to? My brothers make jokes about murder really casually, but I remember when I was like 10 I started making them too and they shut that down real quick. I’m not sure why. I mean, they wouldn’t commit murder , right? That couldn’t be what they’re referencing when they say ‘hurt.’

Either way, I don’t want to hurt anyone. What about magic? My brothers like to use magic to dodge, taking shortcuts and opening portals. My mind drifts to the staff. Then to what Cross said. Nightmare wouldn’t like it, and he’d probably try to stop me. The rest of my brothers don’t like keeping secrets from him, which would mean that I wouldn’t be able to tell them either until I’m good at it. Then they’d be too proud of me to let Nightmare ban it. Right?

I sit up and grab my phone off my nightstand where I’d dropped it.

Sunshine: hey guys, what would you do if i could use magic??

The response is almost instantaneous. Like they were waiting for me to text.

Crisscross-applesauce: wydm

Sunshine: you spelled that wrong

FeelingStabby: He always does don’t bother

Crisscross-applesauce: sinec when haev uyo cared

Crisscross-applesauce: hangnjo! killer you rejk

FeelingStabby: The old man’s spelling is only getting worse don’t you agree dream

Dynamite: he’s younger thanboth of us

Crisscross-applesauce: yea!!!! besidses, yyuo don’t know how to yse pucnuahjton

Sunshine: what

Dynamite: i think he means punctuation

Garbagedisposal: Dream, did you want something?

Sunshine: yea,, i was wondering what you guys wuld do if i had magic

Dynamite: wait thatwas the original question?

Crisscross-applesauce: Yea’

FeelingStabby: Dunno why do you ask

Sunshine: no particular reason

Crisscross-applesauce: reallly? thsi sah noothing todo with realier?

Sunshine: *typing*

Dynamite: kiddo?

Sunshine: *typing*

FeelingStabby: Do we need to come check in on you

Sunshine: *typing*

They stop speaking as I rewrite my text over and over and over again. It’s dragging on way too long. This isn’t good.

Garbagedisposal: Little chef?

Sunshine: yea?

FeelingStabby: Does this question have anything to do with earlier

Sunshine: no

Crisscross-applesauce: raelllY?

FeelingStabby: You’re spelling that increasingly poorly

Dynamite: quick question is this supposed to be a serious convo

Dynamite: bc if so were really flunking this

Garbagedisposal: How about we talk about this tomorrow?

FeelingStabby: o yea- this a serious question kid

Sunshine: are you making a statement or asking a question???

FeelingStabby: Question

Sunshine: no,,,, i guess nott.

Crisscross-applesauce: sllep well bby bro

Sunshine: goodnight guys

FeelingStabby: Make sure you sleep all night

Dynamite: Sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugss biet

Garbagedisposal: I’ll make you pancakes tomorrow if you go to bed right now :)

Sunshine: don’t need to tell me twice!!! thank you guys <<<333

The phone keeps pinging so I turn it on silent before plugging it in to charge. It occurs to me as I wriggle under the covers that they never actually answered my question.

When I wake up I lie in bed for a bit, just staring at the ceiling. I run yesterday’s events through my head again and again. My brain eventually settles on thinking about the staff. I realize I’m almost hoping that the guys will leave today, just so I can practice magic more. Then I feel almost let down when I realize that they’ll stick around to make sure I’m ok. Still, I might be able to get an answer out of them? Or we can play something together. I get dressed and stick my phone in my pocket. I walk down to the kitchen, bouncing different games around my head to see what I want to make my brothers play. 

But there’s no one there. The kitchen is empty. I check the time, and it’s an hour or so after we usually have breakfast. Why didn’t anyone wake me up? Whatever. I walk over to the kitchen table and find cold pancakes on it. And a note.

“Hey champ, we have to go take care of something. Be back soon! -Cross (and everyone else)”

I can imagine Killer snapping at Cross to add everyone else’s name too, and Nightmare pointing out that Horror made the pancakes, and Dust trying to rush them along, and then they leave. Without me. I stare at the pancakes. And stare. Maybe I should eat some. I shouldn’t do things on an empty stomach. But they’re already cold, so what’s the harm in waiting a little longer? Maybe I can eat brunch with my brothers when they come back. They’ll be back soon , right?

And then I’m at the training room, right in front of the weapons rack. And I reach behind it and I wriggle out my staff. My brothers haven’t found it. Or at least, they haven’t touched it. After a pause, I run outside. Weaving between hallways and leaving as if I’m headed to my treehouse. But I keep going. Away and into the woods. I stop the same distance away that Dust goes for his experiments. Far enough that they won’t hear. Far enough that they won’t see. Not that they’re there to see it anyways.

I feel so upset. I wanted them gone, didn’t I? So I could practice? I tug on my SOUL, teasing it out just like my brothers do when they check if I’m alright. Well I’m not alright, not now. I stare at the golden apple resting quietly inside my SOUL. It’s magic. I know that it’s magic. I just have to use it.

So I do.

My phone rings, loud and obnoxious. By the Tree, I’m busy ! Who’s calling?! I pull it out and see Goop Twin across the screen. Did I change Nightmare’s contact to that? Or did someone get a hold of my phone? I answer the call and open my mouth.

“Ye-”

“WHERE ARE YOU??” Nightmare shouts into the microphone. I nearly drop it.

“Uh- at the treehouse?” I try.

“WE CHECKED THERE. THREE TIMES.” Why is he shouting ???

“I went into the woods a bit but really-” I’m holding my phone as far away from me as I can.

“WE CALLED FOR YOU!!!” Nightmare screams, and it sounds like he wants to go on. But there’s some muttering in the background, and rustling.

“Sunny D, buddy, where did you go ?” It’s Dust now. I think Nightmare passed the phone off.

“Out to my treehouse!” 

“We didn’t see you there,” He says.

“Well-”

“You’re hurt , you should’ve stayed closer to home,” He says. Why do they keep cutting me off ?! They’re not letting me get a word in edgewise! It’s like they don’t even care.

“Fine, whatever, I’ll be home shortly,” I say, a bit more gruffly than I meant. Dust sighs.

“Cool, kiddo. But we’re gonna need a few words with you so head straight to the living room,” He tells me. It’s quiet for a bit, before I realize he’s waiting for me to hang up. So I do. And I turn to head back home, before remembering that I’m still holding my staff. I need to get rid of it, especially after my disappearance there’s no way that my brothers will be ok with it. They would never let me keep practicing. 

I walk over to a slightly burnt tree with a fragile, blue, magic arrow sticking out of it. I kick my boot across the ground to get some dirt up and I mostly cover up my staff. I reach out and brush my fingers across the arrow. My arrow. I shot it. I made it. I look around my makeshift training site and let my progress sink in. I made magic . It’s… it’s kind of weak, and it’s nothing compared to what Nightmare can do, but it’s something. It’s better than yesterday. And it’s way better than the day before.

“I MADE MAGIC!!!!!” I shout gleefully. I turn and run back home, only slipping once. I’ve forgotten the fact that my brothers are upset. I end up tripping again when I enter the living room, and nearly falling on my face. Nightmare catches me though, two tentacles wrapping around me and lifting me upright before bringing me to him in a rare, crushing hug.

“ Please stop disappearing,” My twin whispers to me. I hug him back, soaking in the love and care. His tight hold feeds into the joy of magic until what he said processes. Oh right- they were worried .

“Only if you stop doing it too,” I whisper back. The words feel like poison on my tongue. Not deadly , but the kind that might give you a fever.

“We weren’t disappearing!!!” Nightmare says, a little over normal volume. He lets me go so he can look at me. “We left you a note and breakfast- breakfast you didn’t even touch!” 

“A note? A note ?!” The joy of my discovery slips away. My voice goes with it. “You think… you think that’s enough? No warning, next to no goodbye?  How long were you even out?” My eyes travel to the grandfather clock on the other side of the room. Two hours since I saw their note.

“What, should we have woken you up?” Nightmare gestures wildly. “You were hurt- you needed your rest!” Anger wells up in me. It feels like it’s coming from somewhere else, someone else. A voice (mine? Not my words ) fills me.

“OH BECAUSE NOTES WERE ENOUGH FOR YOU , HUH?” I say. 

“What are you talking about ?!” Nightmare barks back. I can see the rest of my brothers out of the corner of my eye. Watching, listening. An audience.

“WHEN I WOULD LEAVE NOTES FOR YOU- THAT WAS ENOUGH, HUH?” I don’t even know what I’m talking about. I don’t even mean to be speaking. Nightmare, on the other hand, seems to know perfectly . His face is full of shock. I take the chance to peek, and the others look shocked too. When I look back, Nightmare’s surprise has melted into horror.

“W-what?”

“I’m- I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from,” I say. My bones are trembling, and I can hear them bumping each other. Horror walks over, and puts a hand on each of our shoulders.

“Maybe… we should all… take a breather,” He says slowly. Killer walks up and places his hand on Nightmare’s other shoulder while Horror begins to lead me away. Cross comes over and gets in the way though.

“Hey man, can I talk to Dream momentarily? I’ll give him right back,” Cross says hurriedly. Horror looks at me.

“Sure…” He pats me on the back and starts heading out of the room. “I’ll… be in the kitchen… little man…” 

Cross loops an arm around me and guides me out of the living room. “Wanna go hang out in my bedroom?”

“Sure, why?” I look up at him.

“Figured we should continue our conversation from yesterday, hope you don’t mind.” Despite saying it like a statement, he has a brow raised as if it’s a question.

“... Ok,” I say. Cross nods. We walk in silence to the bedrooms, Cross’s arm draped over me. It feels like a repetition of yesterday, except I’m not being carried. Hollow footsteps echoing through the halls and a thick tension in the air. Then we got to his room. When I was 10, we painted one of his walls together. He calls it his “accent wall” now, and he’s kept it despite the absurdly obnoxious colors and no coherent theme. He told me that there was a story there that only I could tell him, and even if I’ve long forgotten it the story is still from me to him. He never put anything against that wall except his bed. Looking at it is like looking at all of his love and care for me.

“How are you feeling?” Cross says, sitting down on his bed.

“I’m ok, you?”

“I’m ok too. Can you tell me where you really were today?”

“Out in the woods, really .”

“How far?” The best thing about Cross is that he doesn’t doubt me. He wants to trust me. 

“Dust's-experiments-far.”

“Alright, that checks out. But why?” Cross stares me down, squinting his eye sockets. I can see the wheels turning as he tries to figure me out.

“Just got too far exploring,” I say. I don’t like lying to Cross, but I’m no longer sure if I want him to hear the truth.

“What were you looking for?” He leans back across the bed, turning his skull up to the popcorn ceiling.

“Something. An answer.” I’m not really sure either.

“An answer for what?”

“Why you guys didn’t even stick around to see if I was ok.” I sniffle. I can feel tears beading.

“What?”

“You guys said we’d talk today! Horror said he’d make me breakfast and Dust promised me we’d play war and then none of you were there when I woke up!” Yep, I’m crying. “You just needed to say ‘good morning.’ I hate waking up alone.” And suddenly Cross is hugging me. Squeezing me tight, just like Nightmare was. Except we’re both crying and getting the other’s shirt wet. We’re comforting each other.

“I’m sorry.” His voice is shaking so much and his words are muffled since his face is shoved into my shirt. “I’m so sorry. We shouldn’t have left you.”

“Are you going to stay? For the rest of today? Tomorrow?” My voice sounds just like his, muffled and shaking.

“Yes. Yes, I will. I’ll tell Nightmare we have to stay home. We’ll stay right here. Don’t worry.” Cross squeezes me tighter. I didn’t know he could.

“And we’ll invite Error over? And have a picnic in Outertale?” I ask. I know it’s pushing it, but I just want to be with my brothers. I just want to be with them.

“Sure. Absolutely. We’ll go and make tomato soup with Horror and Nightmare can call up Error and we’ll have a picnic.” We spend a while there, on the floor of Cross’s bedroom. Just hugging. By the time we’re both done crying, what I said to Nightmare has begun bugging me. 

“Was… was there anything else you wanted to talk about?” I lean away from him to watch his expression. Cross has never had much of a filter, and his face can tell you everything about his emotions. He frowns, taking a moment to think.

“Oh yea- what notes were you talking about? Other than the ones we leave for you,” Cross says. He looks concerned and confused, his brows furrowed but his sockets squinting a bit.

“I’m- I’m not sure. You know those waking dreams?” I ask him, and his face falls. He looks sincerely concerned now.

“Yea, what about them?”

“It felt… it felt like something from that,” I say. Cross dwells on it, his face darkening. He sits there, frowning a hole through the floor, so I ask what I’ve been dying to ask since I started getting them. “Why are they so awful to you guys?”

“Huh? Oh, it’s just… they’re just weird. And they don’t seem particularly nice. I don’t know, ask Nightmare for a better explanation.” Cross pauses before adding on, “Probably not today though.”

“Ok, thanks. Tomato soup?” I say, after thinking it over. Cross looks up from the carpet and grins. 

“Heck yea , little man! Let’s get going!” He grabs my hand and tugs me to my feet, where we both race out the door. From there it becomes a scramble to see who can make it to the kitchen first, and we startle Horror when we burst through the door and explode into a playful argument of who won.

“It doesn’t… really matter… but you sir…” Horror waves a hand at me, smiling a little. “Need to… eat.”

“Yes sir!” I straighten and bring my hand to my skull, like soldiers do in movies.

“Can I get more pancakes?” Cross gives Horror puppy eyes, and Horror’s smile widens.

“Only… if Dream… doesn’t… eat them… all…” He says.

“You hear that Dream? Leave some for me!” Cross grins and gives me a gentle push.

“No way ! I’m going to relish every bite and I’ll look you in the eye while I do it!” I laugh and rush over to Horror where he puts pancakes he’s been reheating on a white plate. He points to a bottle of syrup on the counter when I ask, and Cross tells me not to put on too much.

“Oh, and! I’ve got to get going, promised Dream I’d bring something up with the council,” Cross says, winking at me. ‘The council’ is something we saw in a movie once. It was this grand council that reviewed and controlled everything. When Nightmare decided that it was time for bed halfway through the movie, Killer jokingly called him the council of our castle for forcing us to sleep. It caught on, and at this point it’s just an inside joke. Horror just rolls his eyes as the only bystander for the joke, and Cross rushes out of the kitchen.

Horror continues to drop pancakes on my plate as they finish being warmed (and as I finish eating them). There’s a pause after the first 6, and then Horror drops a freshly cooked one on my plate. It’s vaguely shaped in a D, the way he would do when I was little.

“Thanks you!” I grin and dig in after taking a moment to appreciate it. Around bites I continue. “I didn’t see any spare pancake batter earlier.”

“There… wasn’t. It’s why… we had to… leave earlier.” Horror says, flipping a pancake.

“Oh,” I say, continuing to shove my face with the delicious meal. “Didn’t you guys go shopping yesterday though?”

“We forgot… butter…” Horror says, sighing. 

“Really? You guys usually don’t miss things. Especially after being out that long. Or did the shop just not have it? I know you said that markets have everything now, but I’m sure some don’t.”

“No… I’m sure… they had it…” Horror says. “We… didn’t… bring a list… yesterday.”

“Oh wow, no wonder it took you guys so long. I wonder if there was anything else you missed? I think we have plenty of cereal, but last time we baked we were kind of low on flour. What about chocolate? Error didn’t raid our cupboard again, did he? Milk… we’re always low on milk, so I’m sure you guys got some yesterday. I can see fruit in the middle of the table, so we’re good on that.”

“Don’t… worry about… it. We… checked… before we… left.” Horror pats my back and drops another freshly-baked pancake on my plate.

“Thank you!” I manage to get out before Killer and Cross burst back into the kitchen. Horror frowns. I talk for him. “Aren’t you two banned from being in here at the same time?”

“Well sure, but it’s not like Nightmare’s in the mood to track us down-” Killer says, tilting a little off center in a way that makes him look like a cartoon creep.

“HE SAID YES!!! He’s calling Error now, we gotta get the tomato soup started!” Cross is vibrating a little and shaking his hands excitedly. 

“It’s not a wedding proposal, jeez.” Killer takes a hand out of a pocket and pushes Cross into the table.

“Hey!” He squacks.

“No fighting… in the… kitchen…” Horror gently scolds, putting another pancake on my plate.

“Yo, can I have that?” Cross asks, leaning across the table and blinking up at me.

“No way, you got plenty earlier. I, on the other hand- hey!” Killer was cut off when Cross grabbed him.

“Knock over the fruit and I’ll join in,” I say.

“Really, why? We can just go get more!” Killer laughs and noogies Cross. He stops abruptly when he notices my expression. “What? What’d I say? Stop glaring, sunny.”

“We’re not leaving the castle the next few days, not without him,” Cross says, wriggling out of Killer’s hold.

“But a little trip for fruit couldn’t-”

“Your ‘little trip’ for the pancake ingredients had you gone a good two hours this morning,” I say. “No one’s going anywhere.”

Killer frowns, but he doesn’t comment further. Horror grabs another plate out of the cupboard and puts the next pancake on it, then drops it on the table. Killer and Cross look at each other before delving towards it at the same time, proceeding to cat fight over who gets it. I laugh, and Horror gets a knife and cuts it in half, putting a half on another plate. The guys proceed to bicker over which half is theirs.

“Hey!” Nightmare comes in, Error trailing behind him. I flip my gaze right down to my pancakes, but I catch a glimpse of Cross and Killer straightening and pretending to be on their best behavior (their hands are still on the same plate though).

“Hey… Error…” Horror says. I’m pretty sure he’s waving, but I’m not looking up to check. Nope. Just uh… looking at the syrup pool spreading across my plate.

“HEy,” Error replies, his voice glitching out on the ‘e.’

“What did I tell you two?” Nightmare says, ignoring the interaction.

“Be civil in the kitchen.” Killer says, at the same time Cross says “Don’t fight.”

“So pray tell, what are you doing?” 

“Politely requesting a half a pancake, sir,” Killer says with his best posh voice.

“Really?” Nightmare’s voice seems to drip with sarcastic doubt.

“Yes sir,” Cross adds. He doesn’t sound as uptight as Killer, but it’s still funny. I grin into my next bite.

“Dream, witness’s account?” Nightmare says, his smile leaking into his voice. I jump a little, startled that I’m being pulled into it.

“Uh- they were just being polite gentlemen, sir,” I try to mimic Killer’s professional voice, but I sound a little worse then Cross. Nightmare laughs, and walks over to steal a bite of pancake from me.

“So, game plan for the picnic?” He asks.

“Well, Error is already here, but we need to make the food still. What goes well with tomato soup?” I answer myself. “Ooh, grilled cheese. We should have grilled cheese and get ice cream after, it’ll be great! Error-”

“ Chocol4te ice crEAm, right?” Error asks.

“Well, what ice cream do we have?” I turn to Horror who’s cleaning up the pancakes. He glances up after a pause, and realizing I was asking him, he shrugs. Killer heads to the freezer to check for him.

“Uh, we’ve got a half-empty tub of moose tracks, a pint of mint chocolate chip, and… Cross, you idiot, did you leave a single spoonful of chocolate ice cream in there?” Killer looks over his shoulder, casting a disappointed look at Cross.

“Well Nightmare said don’t eat all of it!” Cross objects. 

“No more chocolate ice cream, then.” Nightmare says, with an end-of-conversation tone to it. Cross nods, accepting his fate, while Error growls.

“WhaT? N0 way. I’m gEtting my ice cReam,” He says. Cross shakes his skull.

“We’re not going-”

“Who said yOU’re goiNg to? Nah, I’m getting it myseLf.” Error reached out and began making a portal. I train my eye lights on him and do my very best to figure out how he’s using his magic. I don’t catch any of it before he’s got the ice cream in his hand and the portal is closed.

“That was fast. Why don’t we have you get our groceries?” I ask, scrunching up my face.

“I’m nOt your servant ,” Error says. “And I won’t Be giving you free shIt.”

“Language,” Nightmare snaps. 

“WhaTever.” Error rolls his eye lights. I smile a little. I’m with my brothers (and Error) and everything’s alright. Oh!

“Where’s Dust?”

“I think he wandered off to his lab or something,” Killer says, waving his arm. I pull out my phone and send him a text.

Sunshine: hey man whwere are you??

Dynamite: in my room, why?

Sunshine: everyone else is in the kitchen

Dynamite: everyone everyone?

Sunshine: yea, even error’s here!!!

Dynamite: I’ll be there shortly, if only to see how this plays out

I frown, a little confused. 

“HEY!” Killer shouts, I whip my head up to see Cross leaning across him, reaching out at a chocolate bar Error is eating while staring at Cross maliciously. Nightmare comes over to try and cool it down, and it only collapses further. Ah. So this is what Dust was referencing. I snort, then gather up the plates and help Horror get ready to make soup. Dust comes in part way through and after a short while of being a bystander, he helps up cook. He chops things up while I stir the soup and Horror gets the cheese sandwiches ready.

“Isn’t it a bit early to be getting food ready?” Nightmare asks, clearly having given up on control.

“Mmm…” Horror murmurs, glancing at the time. I follow his gaze, and note that it’s 3pm. When’d that happen?? “It’ll be… another half hour… till we’re done…”

“Still,” Nightmare says. “It’ll only be 3:45. Do we plan on eating dinner that early ?”

“Why not?” Cross says, looking away from his arm wrestle with Killer.

“HA!” Killer says, slamming Cross’s hand into the table.

“Hey!” Cross exclaims. Nightmare sighs.

“If… we get… food ready… now… then we… can just… hang out…” Horror says, carefully placing bread on a griddle. Nightmare nods thoughtfully.

“Alright. Killer! Go get a picnic blanket,” Nightmare says. Killer jumps up and darts out of the room, Cross sticking out his tongue after his friend. 

Everything goes pretty well, with only one kitchen incident (three less than last time everyone was in the kitchen). We spent hours at Outertale, only getting back to the castle at 8. I try to ask Nightmare for an extra movie night, but he tells me he’s tired. Dust and Horror had already drifted off to their rooms, so I didn’t push it. I did make my three remaining brothers give me a hug goodnight, then we all headed off to do our own thing before going to bed. After some debate, I end up at the library. It’s not a big library, not like in shows, but it’s got plenty of books for Nightmare. He had always encouraged me to spend more time here, but I got bored fast, even if he was reading to me.

Still, the room is a nice place to be. It has a full purple carpet with white plush chairs and nice wooden shelves. There are rows and rows of books, which my twin claims is organized by subject but I’ve never checked. A couple years ago I tried organizing them by color, and looking back I’m surprised I wasn’t punished further. I spy some paper on an end table next to Nightmare’s work chair. He has one chair in here for when he’s relaxing, and one for research. The paper is probably there so he can take notes on whatever important book he’s reading. I, on the other hand, end up thinking about origami Killer, Dust, and I tried out last month.

I plop down on the chair, knowing Nightmare won’t mind as long as I don’t use too many. It’s a struggle to do the first one. I don’t quite remember the steps, but after several minutes I have a lopsided butterfly. I have the steps down now, so I try another. It looks considerably better than the first, so I smile. I drop them next to each other and reach to start a third when the room spins.

The butterflies melt into color then start flapping away. The room seems to blur until it looks like I’m in a field. My vision refuses to focus and light bleeds in and out, like a bad camera. There’s a nice voice talking to me, asking about my favorite butterfly. It registers that I’m speaking back. The orange and black butterfly, a monarch. I’m talking about my love of insects and how it bothered my twin. The voice sounds sympathetic, sad. Why sad? I distantly feel myself begin to cry from the bright, blinking colors. Sparks fuzz random parts of my vision, and I can hear a sharp ring begin to resonate through my skull. A face begins to gather in front of me, the butterflies disappearing. He says he’s my friend. There’s a blue scarf tied around his neck. It feels endlessly, emptily, familiar. Then he’s opening a door. I know where it goes. White, it’s so brightly white beyond the door.

Black swells, consuming all of it. My skull is throbbing, and as my sight returns I notice that my hands are clinging onto the chair’s arm for dear life. There’s water splashed on the cushions. I can feel tears dripping down my chin, and every bone in my body is tense. These are getting worse. I sniff, bringing my hands up to my face, letting my gloves soak up my tears.

I sit there. Shivering a little. I run what remains through my brain again and again until my SOUL aches. I sniff, then take a deep breath. The door was important, I just know it. I glance at the origami butterflies, still made out of paper, still a plain white. A resolve begins to grip me. I have to find out where that door goes. It’ll unlock something about these waking dreams. Maybe it’ll tell me why my brothers hate them.

I stand, my legs trembling so much I nearly fall right back down. Deep breath. And another. One more? I give up on steadying myself, and wobble to the door out of the library. I should go back to my training space, get my staff. It helps me channel my magic, so maybe it’ll get me to the door I saw in the waking dream? The door. What was beyond it? I wrap my hand around the real door’s handle. Beyond it… a lot of white. Home? No, why would home be in such a-

This is not the hallway. I don’t even think it’s in the castle . I look over my shoulder. Yep, the library is still behind me. How’d I get here ?!? I almost close the door, hesitating just a moment. What if it’s not there when I open it again? The room beyond the door is messy, an explosive mess of papers, magic arrows, games, cards, and CDs. There’s a sofa in the middle of the room, a mint green. I glance behind myself at the library again. I could stay here, at the castle. It’s safe, it’s what Nightmare wants, it’s familiar. Or I could try this new place. It’s new, it’s fascinating, it’s familiar but I don’t remember it .

The choice is easier than I thought it’d be. I walk into the room, careful but quickly. I hear the door swing shut behind me, and I mentally cross my fingers that I can get home. I trod around the couch, hoping to get a better view of the area and- there’s someone here. A skeleton, not much taller than me, with a blue scarf and grey shirt. The blue scarf. It’s nearly identical to the one in my waking dream. I get the sinking suspicion that it’s the same one. This skeleton sprawled on my couch, he’s my ‘friend.’ My couch, dear Tree, where’d that come from? I laugh a little to myself, careful not to make any actual noise. I’ve never been in here, much less own it!

I spy a picture frame on top of a cabinet and my SOUL sinks. I’m in it, so is this skeleton. I walk over and pick it up, tilting it so that I can see things right. We’re smiling, and I’m wearing clothes I’ve never seen before. Something subconscious kicks in, and I know it’s summer. 

We were laughing so hard that [] said he just had to get a picture of us, and who were we to disagree? The joke was something dumb, but we had been building and building it until [] was doing small skits and {} couldn’t breath he was laughing so hard. {}’s brother had given us a camera, and [] decided to use it while we were still laughing.

I put the picture down in a rush, disturbed by how much I know. Who are these monsters? I glance back at the skeleton on the couch. My friend. Since when?

I travel around the house, having similar, bothering waking dreams in every room I enter. Finally, I can’t take it anymore (and I’ve run out of rooms) so I make my way back to the room I entered first and head towards the door. Now, how to get home? I try just opening the door, but I end up looking across the street of a quiet neighborhood lit with street lamps. I close the door quickly. How’d I get here? I stand in front of the door for a few minutes, tapping my foot. My boot makes a ra-ta-ta sound that would drive my brothers mad. I’m half-worried that the skeleton will wake up, but that’s not important.

Then the door opens.

Another skeleton comes through, shorter than I. He has a big, brown scarf that’s dragging a little on the ground. He looks up at me and I quickly tug him inside and close the door.

“Are you supposed to be in here?” He asks me. One eye light is a question mark and the other looks like the little loading screen that comes up if Error can’t process what you said. What… interesting eye light shapes.

“Are you ?” Turning the question on him probably isn’t the best solution, but my brothers do it so often it just slipped out. His eyelights change completely . Yet, I don’t feel as surprised as I should be.

“Pretty sure! This is my friend’s house. His name is Dream. Is. Was?” The skeleton drifts off, looking confused.

“But- but I’m Dream,” I say. He blinks at me.

“Then I guess you’re supposed to be here!” He laughs a little.

“Who are you?!”

“Your friend, apparently.”

“No! I’ve never even met you !” It’s a struggle to keep my voice quiet, and somehow I don’t get much louder.

“Huh. Well, I’m Ink!” Ink sticks his hand out and grins even wider. The name processes. Ink. Ink . The skeleton who attacked Nightmare. The name that’s friendly. The skeleton that stops my brothers from getting groceries. The voice that said it’s my friend. I reach out my hand, my bones jangling against each other a little.

“How do I get home?” Maybe I can just leave. 

“Same door you came in from, silly!” Ink sticks his tongue out.

“I tried that!”

“Did you try thinking of your home when you opened it?” Ink tilts his head.

“I- no, I guess not.” I put my hand on the handle, and brace myself a little. Then I focus on the cozy library and the castle. The door opens easily, sliding over the fluffy purple carpet. Home. How? Ink whistles.

“That’s a nice room! Ooh- are those origami?!” He starts to walk in, but I quickly block the door. 

“You can’t come in here!” I say.

“Why not?” Ink asks, and as far as I can tell he’s genuinely curious.

“Because-because it’s not your house!” I say. Ink laughs again. He does that a lot.

“I don’t have a house! Anyways, have fun in Bell’s library. I’m waking up Blue!” Ink prances on over to the couch. As soon as I realize what he said, I bolt through the door and slam it shut. That house held answers. Answers to questions I hadn’t even gotten to . I shiver. Guess I’ll be spending the rest of the night thinking about it.

“Hey, rascal.” My eyes won’t open, and I can barely feel a hand on me pushing me back and forth. I can’t feel my blanket, and can only guess that it’s been pulled off me already. I think about responding, but my mouth feels like someone super glued it together.

“Hey, wake up.” I’m finally able to place the voice as Killer’s. Why does he feel the need to wake me up? “Hey, kid. Damnit! I’m not gonna do this for another half hour. Get up.”

“Mmmbaammng” I say into my pillow. Ok, ‘say’ is probably the wrong word. I made sound. Mostly without moving my mouth.

“What.” Killer’s voice is deadpanned.

“Hhhhmmmgaaanm.”

“Ugh, get up. We didn’t stay out that late last night.”

“Sssseengaam.”

“Try again, but coherent.”

“Mmmm.”

“Fail, 1/10.”

“Slleehmp.”

“Are we turning this into a guessing game?”

“Mhhhhhnnng.”

“Alright. I think you said ‘sleep.’”

“Mmmm”

“Well you’ve had your sleep. Get your butt on up for breakfast.”

“Tiiiireddd,” I say, finally figuring out how to open my mouth.

“It’s 11am, doofus. Get up.” 11? Seriously?! I usually wake up at 8!

“Wham?” I try to sit up and end up face first on the floor instead, much to Killer’s surprise.

“Holy crap! You really are tired, aren’t you?” Killer says. I can feel his hand on my back, and his other arm slides under me so he can pick me up. He sets me down against my bed, so I’m sitting up.

“Yeamg,” I mutter, my eyes fluttering open.

“What time did you go to sleep last night?!” Killer asks me. I dwell on his question, trying to think back. I got into bed 10ish? I think? Then I thought about that house I found for, uh, hm. Half an hour, at least. From how I’m feeling though, it was probably several hours.

“I’mhmg, noh sure?” My words still slur together, but at least it’s cohesive.

“Alright, I’ll let you chill a little longer. Come out for food when you’re ready.” Killer pats my shoulder, then leaves the room. I stay leaned against the bed, but I can feel myself slipping both literally and figuratively. Vaguely I feel myself falling to the floor as I fall asleep. 

“Hey, are you sick or something?” I wake up again to find myself on my bed.

“Hmggm?” I murmur, tilting my head away.

“Hey, sunshine, you ok?” It’s Cross this time, and he has a hand on my forehead.

“Mmh?” I force open my eyes but they won’t even go half-way.

“I found you passed out on the floor. It’s noon , little man,” Cross says.

“I’llh, I’llh geh upm,” I say. Cross shakes his head.

“I’ll wait outside. You’ve got 10 minutes then I’m coming back in to check on you,” He says, sighing. After he leaves the room, I push myself to my feet and stumble around the room for a bit, just to get my magic flowing. I have a bit of a headache, but soon enough I feel awake. I open my wardrobe and spy the outfit Error made for me a year or so ago. He said he’d done it to screw with Nightmare, but he wouldn’t explain why. It made my brothers uncomfortable to see it, so I didn’t wear it unless I knew Error would be coming over. Taking a look at it now, it’s nearly identical to the outfit I was wearing in the picture.

I put it on.

“Why that?” Cross says, shifting a little and shoving his hands into his pockets when I come out of my room.

“No reason,” I say. “Just felt like it.”

“What were you up to last night?” He asks me. I pause.

“I was just… hanging out in the library,” I say. Cross frowns.

“You’ve never shown that much interest in books,” He says.

“I know. It was a good one.” I turn my head away, looking at my brother from the corner of my eye.

“Uh, no, that’s not how you act when you enjoy something.” Why?? Does Cross?? Know me so well?? He continues, “You can tell me, Dream. I’ll even keep it secret if you need me to.” He sounds so earnest I can’t help but give in.

“Who’s Ink?”

“What?!” Cross asks, startled. I turn to face him head-on.

“Waking dream. Who is Ink, really?”

“He’s-uh- ok, not a question I am legally permitted to answer, not important, why do you want to know about him?” Cross fidgets with his hands. He’s kind of really bad at lying. I think it rubbed off on me a bit.

“Liar,” I say.

“You can ask Nightmare! Look, I…” Cross trails off.

“You said I could tell you.”

“Yea, tell me . Not ask me!”

“Why can’t you tell me?! If he’s as bad as Nightmare says-”

“Actually Nightmare never said that,” Cross says. He slaps a hand over his mouth as soon as he’s said it, but the words are out there now.

“What do you mean?” I’m aghast. Ink’s always been awful, of course Nightmare’s said it!

“I- I didn’t mean to say that-”

“No, tell me . Please , Cross, I have to know.” I look at him pleadingly. Cross rubs his eye sockets, but he talks anyway.

“You came up with that yourself, when Nightmare came home missing a tentacle. None of us bothered to say anything different.”

“Oh,” I say. What else can I say? Except, maybe a question. “What’s he really like?”

“I don’t know. Never talked to him, to be honest.” Cross twines his hands together and starts walking in the direction of the kitchen.

“Why not?” I skip along to join him.

“You’ve seen what happens when we run into him! Error chats with him though, so your best bet is to ask him.” Cross waves a finger around.

“Does he? Why haven’t I heard him talk about Ink then?”

“You’ve heard him talk about Squid, right?” Cross waits for me to nod, then continues. “That’s his nickname for Ink. Ink’s magic looks like black paint, and it kind of bugs Error.” 

Well then, that tells me a lot. ‘Squid’ is chatty, obnoxiously friendly, has puked on Error’s dolls 7 different times, pukes when he’s excited, yet is very careful to respect boundaries. Error complains about the puking a lot though. Cross and I walk the rest of the way in comfortable quiet, only breaking it right before we enter the kitchen so he can tell me to not mention what I told him. I swear that I won’t.

Only Dust is in the kitchen. He has a partially eaten ham sandwich in front of him, and he’s on his phone. I can see Cyanide peeking out of his pocket, eyeing the plate.

“Morning,” I say, heading towards the cereal.

“Huh? Oh, hey golden boy.” Dust gives me a lazy grin. “You do know it’s afternoon, right?” I glance at the clock, he’s right.

“Only by a little.” I shrug. 

“You know Nightmare will kill you if he finds out you’re eating Lucky Charms for Lunch, right?” Cross says.

“It’s not Lunch, it’s Brunch,” I say indignantly.

“Right, sorry, Breakfast at noon.” Cross rolls his eyes and Dust snorts. I catch Cyanide muttering something, so I glare at him. Dust glances at his pocket.

“Oh, was Cyanide here giving you some trouble?” He scoops the little rat up and plops him on the table as I sit down next to him.

“Yeah, he was.” I lean forward so I’m face to face with Cyanide. “You jerk, say it to my face.”

“There’s good yogurt in the fridge,” Cyanide says.

“No way, seriously?” I sit up and look over at the fridge. “Wait… why should I trust you..?” I hear Cross sniggering.

“It has cherries in it, they got it yesterday morning. I was with them,” Cyanide says. I know that my brothers can’t understand animals, but it really is rude of them to treat my discussions with Cyanide this way.

“Thank you!” I pour out some Lucky Charms (yes, I’ll be eating both. I’m a growing boy) and give him one before adding milk. Mmm, Lucky Charms.

“Have either of you-” Nightmare says, entering the room. He cuts himself off when he sees me. “Good, you’re up. Hang on, what do you think you’re eating?”

“It was in the house, it was fair game.” I shrug then start shoveling cereal into my mouth. My twin’s dark look tells me exactly how long I have to eat it.

“ Dream. ” I accept my fate.

I did, in fact, manage to eat most of my cereal. Nightmare put broccoli in my yogurt as revenge. It was yick. I ended up talking Killer and Dust into playing a game with me, and Cross joined voluntarily. We played for a couple hours before Killer got bored and talked Cross and I into going to the training room where we stayed till dinner. I was so tempted to show them my magic, but I couldn’t  jeopardize my secret like that. Besides, they weren’t using their magic either. Well, they did summon their own weapons, but still. I won, too, so it would’ve been unfair to use my magic.

We end up having leftover tomato soup for dinner. Horror had baked cookies while the rest of us were screwing around so we got that for dessert. Very good cookies, by the way. 10/10. Horror’s cooking is the best. Somehow, that train of thought leads me to the skeleton on the couch. I think Ink called him Blue, but he might’ve been referring to someone else. Then I think of tacos. Why tacos? I was thinking about cookies.

I’m in my bedroom now, and the rest of the castle is winding down. I don’t feel too sleepy (probably from waking up at noon), so I sneak out to my training site. It’s cold outside, and my boots crunch the ground beneath me. Leaves are stiff enough to make fun sounds, but I keep worrying it’ll let one of the guys find me. I only relax once I’m digging my staff out of the ground. My magic has dissipated but that means my space is neater. I transform my staff into a bow and after one rather pathetic fail I start to get back on a roll.

One arrow after another hits tree after tree. I feel bad for harming them, but most things in this forest are already dead. As I go, plagued by short waking dreams of training and fight scenes, my magic gets stronger. My aim gets steadier, my arrows more solid, and my magic brighter. I feel confidence grow and grow. Eventually I’ve shot fourty or so and decide it’s time for a break. I plop down next to a tree and breathe. I crane my skull back so I can look at the moon.

“Why do you like stargazing so much?” A familiar voice asks. I’m in the grass on a warmer night. 

“It reminds me of my brother. We used to stargaze together.” I feel melancholy.

“Did you guys have a constellation?” My brain tells me the answer is no. I say something different though.

“We didn’t used to. After I broke free of the stone, I found some stars that are in most AUs and I drew an apple for the two of us.”

“Can you show me?”

“Right there, see? The star has a purple tint to it, then those two that look more blue, then those really bright ones, and then a yellowish one.”

“Why purple?”

“It was my brother’s color.”

“He’s blue though.”

“He wasn’t always.”

“Oh. Is that who you’re referencing when you say you ‘know he’s still in there’?” 

“Yea.” I turn my head to the speaker. It’s Blue. He looks confused, and a little sad.

“What if this is who he is? Maybe this is just what the purple became. What will you do then? Do you know how to accept that?”

“No. But it doesn’t matter, because I know it’s not. My brother is corrupted, I can help him if only he’d let me.”

My SOUL sinks far beyond my ribs. This waking dream… It felt like I didn’t love my twin. It felt like I loved the version of him that I’d made for myself. But there is so much else I don’t understand. Stone? What stone? Why hasn’t Nightmare mentioned the apple? These waking dreams… are they the truth? Are they the future or some alternate version of me?

It dawns on me where I can find answers. I look back down at my outfit. The outfit that makes my brothers nervous. The outfit that was in the pictures. That was worn by Blue and Ink’s friend. The one that belongs to the skeleton in my waking dreams. Is he me? Or am I him?

I stand, and walk back to the castle, my staff in hand. I glance up as I walk, and my eye lights lead me to the apple in the sky. Seeing it makes everything feel real.

“Hey.” I walk into the mystery house. My house. Blue and Ink are sitting on the couch. Blue jumps up, swinging his skull to stare at me, his mouth agape. Ink just turns and smiles.

“You’re back! Did you make more origami?” One eye light is magenta.

“D-Dream?” Blue says. I hesitate. I want to go back, to tell Nightmare, to tell Cross, to tell Killer. They’re my brothers, they’re who I trust. But I know they won’t have the answers. Nor will they want to give them.

“That’s me,” I say, standing a little straighter. I try to have the imposing posture of my twin, but he’s had centuries to tailor it.

“But-but-but-but you’re gone .” Blue’s sockets begin to fill with tears.

“I’m not gone, but I am lost. Who are you?” I try to latch onto resolve but it isn’t there. Just my relenting stubbornness. My question seems to strike Blue harder than any blow.

“Wh- you don’t… you don’t know who I am?” He’s frozen to the spot.

“I’ve forgotten, I’m sorry,” I say. Blue starts crying in earnest. 

“What did Nightmare do to you ?!”

“What?! He didn’t do anything, my brother would never hurt me !” In all that confuses me, this I feel certain about.

“Dream- where have you been ?” Blue’s walking around the couch to come to me.

“He was at this really nice library last I saw him,” Ink says, and he giggles a little.

“I’ve been at my brother’s castle.” My voice wants to wobble but I refuse. I am confident. 

“So he did have you! Dream, friend, do you have any idea how long we’ve been searching for you?” Blue took my gloved hands in his. The yellow and blue look nice together.

“Years. As long as I’ve been at the castle, probably,” I say. Blue looks down at me, still crying.

“Toby Fox, you’ve been gone so long… we thought you were dead. The whole multiverse does.” Blue smiles sadly. “Why are you so short?”

“What do you mean? This is the tallest I’ve ever been! Killer says I’ve got a year or so until I’m ‘full sized.’” I scoff. I know I’m the shortest, but there’s no need to rub it in.

“You… Dream, you’re 500 years old. Why would you still be growing?” Blue is confused enough to stop looking sad.

“Yea, you’ve always been taller than me!” Ink says.

“Well, sure, I’m technically 500 years old, but I’ve been out of it for most of that. Only woke up… several years… ago…” I trail off as pieces start to click. “Question: what was my relationship with my twin when you two knew me?”

“Pretty bad,” Blue says, wincing. “You were basically at each other's throats for most of your lives. Did he wipe your memory?”

“Wow!!! I wonder if I sucked your memory out!!!” Ink starts making weird alien noises while falling over the arm of the couch. Blue gives him a weird look as he melts his way to the floor.

“Is he always that dissociated?” I say. Blue nods, looking exhausted.

“Welcome back, though,” He says. He looks relieved beyond measure.

“What if I’m not back permanently?” I say, and I shift anxiously. I never said I’d stay, Blue just kind of assumed it.

“Wha-Why wouldn’t you?!” Blue says. His brows are creased, and he raises his arms so he can put them on my shoulders.

“Because I have to get back to my brothers,” I say firmly, spreading my feet apart. “Look, I don’t really remember either of you, and my brothers are worried that I’m sick. I have to wake up at a reasonable time tomorrow, and I have to wake up at home .”

“Brothers? As in plural?” Ink asks from the floor. Blue looks too shaken to speak.

“Yeah. Killer, Cross, Horror, Dust, and Nightmare.” Ok, I know only Nightmare is my actual brother, but everyone else feels like one. More than these two skeletons.

“They’re murderers, Dream. How could you just- just invite psychopathic murderers to be your brothers ?! Nightmare I get- Nightmare is your magic and marrow! But the others ?” Blue goes back to ugly sobbing. I’m reminded of the thought I tried to bury. That the reason they don’t want me with them is because I don’t want to murder. Still, maybe Blue misunderstands.

“They’re not murderers! They just have creepy names,” I say.

“Haha, nahhhh. They totally murderers! They’ve completely destroyed hundreds of timelines and doomed thousands more. Also there was this shopkeeper a few days ago that they killed for summoning me… that’s probably not a good thing actually.” Watching Ink try to figure out the correct emotion almost distracts me from what he said.

“You mean three days ago when my brothers spent two and a half hours getting groceries?” I ask. Ink nods.

“Oh yea! Haha, that was wonky. They got away though.” He frowns.

“How…” Blue says.

“Oh, they ditched their stuff and ran. Weren’t you there?” Ink says.

“No! I mean how can you , Dream, just not know!” Blue says. “They were our enemies , they kidnapped you, they erased your memories… yet you trust and love them more than us.”

“I dunno, I think that says most of it,” Ink says. “No memories, no issues!”

“I think I should go home. See you both tomorrow,” I say. I want to talk to Crossy. Or Kiki. Any of my brothers, really.

“How can you go?” Blue grabs my hands as I go to leave.

“This isn’t my home, or my family. I need to ask my brothers if this is true.”

“You can ask just about anyone in the multiverse! But your brothers might lie to you again,” Ink says. His words squeeze my SOUL. He’s right. If they were already lying to me before…

No. I turn and run from the room, nearly dropping my staff. I run through the castle’s halls, hoping to run into someone who can’t sleep. I run and run until I trip and fall onto the carpet in the bedroom hallway. I lay there, crying (who knows when I started), until I pass out.

“Dream?” I slept well enough that I wake up immediately this time. Nightmare’s there. I should’ve guessed that he would find me first, he is an early riser. “Oh thank goodness, I was worried you were sick. Why did you sleep in the hallway? You’ve never been a sleepwalker.”

“Nightmare…” Last night comes crashing back. I start crying again, completely startling my twin.

“Hey, buddy, it’s ok. C’mon, let’s go have breakfast. I’ll make you eggs, and you can tell me when you’ve got some food in you,” Nightmare says. He hugs me, cradling me between his tentacles and his arms. I hug him back, sobbing into his shirt. How could this skeleton be a murderer?

Nightmare carries me to the kitchen and sets me down at the table. I snivel as I watch him get the eggs started and he puts some toast in the oven. Only Horror makes toast on the griddle. The care he puts into cooking… How could he be a murderer either? Nightmare cuts me an avocado to go with the eggs, and gives the halves to me to mush.

“Nightmare,” I say carefully, starting to mush the avocados.

“Yes?” He glances over at me. He’s standing in front of the stove, watching the eggs.

“Did you wipe my memory?” I say. I keep mushing, but he freezes.

“What do you mean?” His voice is stiff and… and scared .

“I met a skeleton named Blue last night, and he said that he used to be my friend. Why don’t I remember him?” I look up from the avocado only to find that Nightmare’s eye light has gone out. “I’m not mad. And I’m not going to leave, even though Blue and Ink want me to. I just want the truth.”

“You met Ink too?” Nightmare’s voice is gravely, like he’s trying to hold back tears. Or at the very least, he’s suppressing a strong emotion.

“Yea. He’s weird, but not threatening. He made alien noises when Blue suggested that I’d lost my memory,” I say, remembering what had happened. I turn back to the avocado. This is a normal conversation. I’m just talking about what Error and I did when I hung out in the antivoid with him. Not this super weird everything-may-be-a-lie conversation.

“Have I ever told you that you have a very interesting pick in friends?” Nightmare’s voice evens out, like he’s telling himself the same little lie. In the corner of my eye I see him look back down at the eggs.

“So they are my friends?”

“Yes. Very good ones, too. When you see them again, you should thank them for trying so hard to get you back.”

“They said they’d been looking for me.”

“They had.”

“Why don’t I remember them?” I focus on the avocado. I get the sense that Nightmare is focusing on the eggs. Still, I keep talking. “ Did you steal my memory?”

“Not quite. At least not purposefully. It was an unexpected side effect and… well…”

“It was a chance to fix our relationship,” I supply. He whips his head to face me, confused.

“Did your friends tell you that?”

“No, one of my waking dreams did. I didn’t respect you before. That’s why you went by Midnight. I didn’t really love you before, I loved an imaginary you. You didn’t think I could love the real you anymore.” I hear the clatter of the spatula on the counter and look up. Nightmare has turned towards me and has his arms outstretched. I get up and walk over to him, and we hug again.

“Right on the dot, little bro.” Nightmare laughs softly. I feel a single tear fall on my shirt.

“Can I get my memories back? I swear I’ll still stay in the castle with you,” I say. Nightmare laughs again.

“That might be a promise you’re not ready to keep, but ok. Sci can fix it, but I ended up calling him off after a year or so. I decided I wanted to keep you this way. It wasn’t my right.”

“Ayo?” I pull away from Nightmare to see a very confounded Cross in the doorway. “What did I miss?”

“A lot,” Nightmare says. “I’ll explain when everyone’s up, because I’m only doing it once.” Cross nods, then he starts eyeing the eggs.

“Any chance I could have one?” He says, and makes his eye lights dilate in a sort of puppy-like way.

“Absolutely not, this is for Dream and I.” Nightmare glares.

Everyone’s had breakfast about an hour later, and we’re all gathered in the living room. All 4 brothers are shocked, but Cross has the same look on his face as he does when a movie has a plot twist he predicted, and it was just such a compelling movie that it still hit him.

“What now?” Dust asks.

“Now, we head to Sci’s. Dream and I talked about it earlier, and we’ve decided that Blue and Ink should be there too. Hopefully everything will stay civil-” Nightmare takes a moment to look all of them in the eye before continuing. “-and  we can work something out.”

My brothers nod, and seem to begin bracing themselves. It laces me with guilt. They think I’ll leave. This is why they were afraid of my waking dreams. It meant they were losing me. I drag my feet when Nightmare makes a portal to Sci’s lab, and my brothers start heading through. Cross drops an arm around me though, and he forces me to keep pace with him. Nightmare goes ahead to talk to Sci, but Cross pulls me aside.

“Can we chat?” He asks.

“Yea, why?” I say, as if there aren’t five different elephants in the room.

“What do you plan on doing next?”

“Next?”

“Yea, after you get your memories back?”

“I… I don’t know.” It feels weird, not knowing what the future will look like.

“Are you gonna leave?”

“No! I could never!” I hug him tight, trying to express just how much I want to stay.

“Do you need to share anything else? I think it’s safe for me to answer questions now,” Cross says, laughing a bit.

“I learned magic,” I say. I feel like I should be more excited, but I feel reserved. Blocked up. No emotions to come out. It’s nice to say to someone though.

“Seriously? That’s great, rascal,” Cross rubs my head. We used to joke about not having hair like the characters who get their hair tousled in movies, so we started rubbing each other’s skulls.

“Will you still call me that when I get all of my memories back?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yea,” My voice hitches.

“Then I will. Ready, little man?” Cross pulls out of the hug and holds me at arm length so he can look me in the eye sockets.

I nod, and he guides me back to the guys.