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Xiao wasn't a jittery person. It almost seemed to be a universal statement; But that night as he laid on the bare matress with Kazuha cuddled up in his arms, dozing without a care in the world, That was one of the times he felt like it.
The unexplained nervousness and dread in his chest which accumulated more and more as his eyes took in the emptiness of the dark room, lit up by the ever-burning lights of Liyue harbour rushing in through the windows, which were now stripped of the light blue blinds they normally were dressed in.
'I hate change', Is what the situation had made him think. To think that tomorrow early morning, He would leave the land of his birth. He would move approximately 4,451 miles away from the place he knew better than he knew himself.
It would be hard leaving in the morning, but inevitably, they had to. It was so important to Kazuha he couldn't bring himself to say no. Afterall, A job which pays as much as it did was hard to come by. Only, It was in the land of Kazuha's birth.The place Kazuha had been over the moon to show him.
The goodbyes were painful yet with promises of returning for the lantern rite and Moonchase festival. Packing all their things hadn't brought much to his mind either but now, when all was ready... Xiao didn't want to leave.
The dread pulsing in waves in his chest brought multiple insecurities to his head. Growing up he had only Hu Tao, But she would be so far away. He would have Kazuha, sure, But Hu Tao had always been like a little sister to him (she acted like it as well. She would have made him walk her down the isle on her wedding had Zhongli not insisted on doing it instead)
The apartment he and Kazuha had been living in since College had been stripped bare to the white wallpaper. Every little sound echoed in the basically empty apartment, yet Kazuha slept unperturbed.
Perhaps because he had been through this before. First when he moved from Inazuma to Liyue due to his asthma, then again when the time came to go back. Again when he decided to come back to Liyue for college.
Xiao had never once gone on even a vacation outside Liyue, Much less had a move which seemed to be permanent until further notice.
His fingers played with the small hairs on Kazuha's nape as the other slept. It was a small nervous habit he had developed at some point. Kazuha was a comforting person. A beacon of light to those who believed in no such thing. He was rarely ever bothered by anything, ever the optimist, contrary to Xiao.
Xiao was often plagued by pessimistic thoughts, Kazuha being able to cure the anxiousness and dread Xiao rarely expressed although most definitely felt many times. It was one of the arguments his thought process presented to wake the other man.
Tama had been wrestled into the carrier earlier, Fast asleep in one corner of the room. The skittish and shy cat had refused to leave her home behind. Perhaps she did not realize she would be returning to her homeland, or otherwise she did not want to return to the land of her original caretaker's death.
Never had Xiao ever believed he could ever relate with a cat yet here he was.
"You're pulling my hair" Came a sleep-filled groan from the man whose head was practically against his chest. A hand swat his own out of alabaster locks as vermilion eyes that began blinking away remnants of sleep met his. "What's the matter?" The tired question came.
"Nothing" Xiao began, changing course immediately knowing Kazuha's supernatural ability to sense lies "Nervous" He said, snaking his hand back into the other's hair.
"Could you elaborate?" Kazuha yawned
"It's nothing-" He lied as per habit, again changing course knowing his partner. "We're leaving Liyue. Is that not reason enough?"
Kazuha hummed. "You will miss it here, won't you?"
"I will."
"As will I; I told you, and I shall say it again. you are free to stay if you will so. It is not necessary for you to accompany me. I do not wish to take away your freedom for mine" Kazuha spoke, voice calm as always. Never once needing to think before he spoke.
"Long distance relationships rarely ever work. I don't want to lose what I have with you." Xiao replied.
Kazuha frowned " Did you ignore your will for that?"
"No I did not. I want to go with you but at the same time, I wish to stay."
"I felt so as well when I first left for Liyue." Kazuha reminisced.
"What?" Xiao asked, flabbergasted. There was no actual way. Kazuha? Nervous?
"Mhm" Kazuha nodded. "I supposed it was because I was only young, Now it seems it wasn't my young age, but the natural uneasiness to let go of the familiarity of one's motherland. How beautiful the hidden devotion is, do you not agree?" Kazuha mused
"Yeah" Xiao replied lamely.
"From the way you seem, It seems to me I was more reluctant to leave than you."
Xiao shifted, moving his face that had been buried in alabaster hair to lock eyes with vermilion "How so?"
"I feared I would not meet anyone to call friend or acquaintance. As you know I was very well alone save for my aunts. But what would old women know?" Kazuha pouted at the last sentence, rolling his eyes as Xiao chuckled at the memories of Beidou and Ningguang acting as if Kazuha was their actual child, fussing over everything from the way he dressed to his future partner.
"Still, Do not fret. Inazuma has quite the scenic beauty. Maybe even greater than that of Liyue's. Why not look forward to all that I have to show you?" Kazuha suggested, smiling his ever brightest. As always, dispelling the anxiety built up inside Xiao.
It was at moments like this when Xiao felt a surge of love so strong come in like a large tide which did not seem to be stopping any time soon. It made him cup the pale haired male's face, adoringly inspecting every inch last of it.
Xiao kissed his stupidly cute face. From the top of his forehead to his soft lips. Kazuha took no time in returning them as Xiao began to hover over him.
They kissed with an intensity which was interrupted by only meowing which grew louder with the passage of time. Until the young cat was making her presence in the room known, Meawing loudly without abandon.
They parted, panting. "Oh look what you've done" Kazuha accused "Now how do we get her to sleep?"
Getting angry immediately after making out. Classic Kazuha.
"We leave." Xiao replied cheekily. Kazuha cocked an eyebrow.
"Get up" he ordered, getting off from the younger male "We're going out"
"I'm tired Xiao. It's-" Kazuha paused for a minute, turned on his phone and looked at the time "1 in the morning. Our flight is in 7 hours"
"Let's go walk around Liyue. One last time" Xiao pleaded (In his own way)
"It's late but once. Around Liyue harbour." Kazuha replied. "After that you go to sleep. I don't want you light headed while we're at the airport"