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I feel so unsure As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies, something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen
And all its sad goodbyes
The rain poured down hitting Akutagawa’s window a little bit too loud for his liking, a slight breeze coming from under the door making his whole-body shiver. He was at the Port Mafia’s hideout waiting for everyone to finish all the tasks so they could go help the others fight against Fukuchi and the hunting dogs. He found himself thinking about Atsushi against his will, was he okay? Was he fighting on his own? That damn weretiger couldn’t be able to do that, could he? If nobody helped him there was a high chance that he could… no. That just couldn’t be possible, he tried to kill Atsushi an unhealthy number of times and didn’t succeed so he had nothing to worry about. Did he?
His thoughts were interrupted by a loud voice calling his name, Gin. He looked up from where his eyes were resting and nodded, it was time to go. “Wait for me, Jinko…” he whispered. Folding his beloved coat to fit his tiny bag, he looked around one more time and followed his sister to the car waiting outside. He found it weird that Chuuya wasn’t there with them, neither was Tachihara but he didn’t give it much thought and just left.
I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
The car ride was too long – or maybe he was just too impatient. He got off very desperately that he almost pushed his own sister to the ground. “Hey! Watch it, you need to calm down brother” she said looking straight at his brother’s eyes. He bowed quickly muttering a quick ‘sorry’ before he began running towards the boat that was about to sail.
Bad idea, this was a bad idea. He ended up coughing his lungs out from running, cursing Atsushi in his mind for being always in danger and in need of a babysitter. Why was he even doing this? Ah, yes, Dazai asked.
Why did Dazai want to protect Atsushi this much? Why was that damn mantiger more important than him? Someone who had been nothing but loyal to that stupid Dazai. He just couldn’t comprehend why this desperate act of protection wasn’t directed at him too, was he not deserving of that? Was he even enough? He hated Atsushi for taking his mentor away from him.
But at the same time, he didn’t. He couldn’t really hate him. Akutagawa sighed.
Now on the boat, the rain had stopped a little which he was grateful for even when he loved the storm. He changed into his new clothes so he could disguise himself between the other passengers and started his surveillance.
Should've known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
After a while of just watching absolutely nothing and slowly getting nauseated from the trip, his tired eyes caught up on something. Chills ran down his spine making him even more dizzy. Smoke was coming from around the corner of the boat’s front. “So the impossible prediction came true…” he thought. It made him uneasy.
Was Atsushi in danger? Was this the moment he could prove to Dazai that he was worth it? He’ll show that man just how strong he was and how fucking useless that weretiger is. But at the same time, he felt something tug at his heart when that thought crossed his brain. Did he really want Atsushi to die? Was that really what he desired? If Atsushi wasn’t here anymore, he would have Dazai all to his own. But…
A couple of loud voices chatting made him come back to reality. He grabbed his black coat from the bag hanging from the door and ran to where the smoke signal was. He saw no one and for the first time, he panicked. Then he spotted those soft and familiar white locks and he felt his heart at ease.
Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find
“There’s no need to make things easier for him” he said in a quiet but loud enough voice for Atsushi and Fukuchi to hear. The rain had stopped completely and the sun was trying its best to shine in-between the clouds, one of the rays of light hitting directly purply-yellow eyes. Akutagawa’s breath hitched and he was suddenly disconnected from everything except those eyes staring in surprise at his slim figure.
Atsushi was fine, he was alive. His eyes almost seem like he knew Akutagawa was going to appear and that made his stomach feel funny, the weretiger was waiting for him. That feeling lasted seconds that felt like hours when he saw the fear tattooed on him, the desperation, the absolute pain coming from his leg, and Fukuchi’s strong and broad self dangerously near to him.
“Akutagawa…?! Why are you here?!” Atsushi screamed and it got him thinking. Why was he there? Yeah, Dazai’s orders and all that but was that really it? He knew he would light himself on fire if Dazai asked but, was he really doing all of this just because those were his orders? No, and he knew it wasn’t just that but he would die before he said the truth to Atsushi. So instead, he replied “Dazai’s orders, what other reason would I have?” and it was partially true. He saw a quick flash of pain in the other’s eyes.
To protect you, because I care about you, Jinko.
I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
Akutagawa jumped to attack Fukuchi with Rashoumon’s power but failed. Standing next to a sitting Atsushi, he analyzed the situation carefully. How could they even beat him? The weretiger’s leg wasn’t even fully healed, his own lungs were already burning from running and all the coughing fits, he felt dizzy. They were at disadvantage except for one thing. Fukuchi was alone.
“What?” Atsushi said with a confused tone shifting his body so he could take a better look at Akutagawa. “He’s alone, the passengers are investigating the explosion and the police is also busy. We have to take him down now before the boat reaches the shore” and Atsushi’s eyes widened. He was right, Fukuchi was absolutely on his own because “Akutagawa came” he whispered. Hearing his name being faintly mentioned, he turned his head but his eyes didn’t get to meet Atsushi’s as he was looking down with a bright red blush dancing on his cheeks, was he nauseated from the trip too?
Atsushi was scared as hell. Yes, it was two versus one but… could they really win against the leader of the Hunting Dogs? Were the two of them enough? He tugged at Akutagawa’s coat making the latter shiver and take a step back ready to attack with all his might. “What?!” “How are we going to win? It’s just us…”. And they just stared at each other while Fukuchi started cursing Ranpo for ruining his plans and bringing this two to him. After thinking for a bit, Akutagawa smirked and looked at those scared and desperate eyes and whispered, “do we need more than that?” and Atsushi felt his soul leave his body and his heart stop.
Should've known better than to cheat a friend
And waste this chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
Never without your love
Together. They were doing this together, Rashoumon and the Beast beneath the Moonlight. A combination so powerful it made even Dazai shiver a bit at the thought of the new generation of Double Black. Such an interesting duo with so much potential often wasted away because all of the unnecessary fighting.
But at the end of the day, even Chuuya (who was against Dazai’s idea to bring these two together) knew they had that something that made them an unstoppable team. He kind of wanted to have a practice fight with them, just to see their strength.
They had that connection, that chemistry only few people have. Atsushi was made for Akutagawa and vice versa. They complemented each other, filled the gaps of each other, helped strengthen the weakness of the other. It made Dazai laugh wholeheartedly because they did all of this without even noticing. One day he told Chuuya that these two were like soulmates (and he meant it seriously) but he just received a slap for being too “fucking cheesy”.
They cared for each other in their own way. Dazai said they were in love but were just too dense to notice and too prideful to accept it, once again he received a slap. But he was not wrong, and in the bottoms of both of their (Akutagawa and Atsushi’s) hearts, they knew it.
Fukuchi got impatient and started moving around which sent Akutagawa into a nerve-wrecking state. Tossing Atsushi his leg back, he attacked Fukuchi with his all but it didn’t go well.
“Crouch! Dodge!” Atsushi screamed as an iron bar made its way to Akutagawa. The latter heard him and instinctively went down to avoid being hit and as he watched that same bar tear down half of the boat, he felt ever so thankful for the weretiger. What even was this power? It was a damn metal thing, so why the fuck couldn’t he fight against it?
He didn’t really care he was just going to defeat this man so he could show Dazai he could avoid death itself. Rashoumon launched itself to Fukuchi one, two, three, four times failing each one which made Akutagawa restless as he was now about to be sliced in half by Fukuchi.
But that never happened, because Atsushi was there.
Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say
Being safe was only temporary for the both of them, and they were very aware of that.
“Why did you escape?! We have to kill him, I will kill him even if it’s the last thing I do” Akutagawa’s angry and loud voice echoed in Atsushi’s mind who was too tired to fight now. They were walking down a corridor, both clinging to each other in fear of falling, of hurting, of being away from each other. “What the fuck, Akutagawa?! You saw him, killing him is basically impossible! Why do you want to kill him that bad?” and Akutagawa’s mind went blank.
What would Dazai say if he failed? Would he be disappointed? Angry? Maybe he would totally give up on him, erasing him from his life. He would think he’s weak, that he’s not worthy, that Atsushi was better. That wasn’t in his plans, if he wanted Dazai´s approval look he needed to end that bastard. “If I don’t kill him… I’ll go back to being something Dazai-san discarded!!”. Fuck. Why did he say it out loud? What would the weretiger think? Is he going to laugh at him? He’s a dead man if he even dares to smile.
Akutagawa felt so conflicted. What did he actually feel? What did Atsushi mean to him? He felt like he was choking on his own thoughts and suddenly he couldn’t breathe.
Atsushi’s mind was a mess. Everything was happening too fast, he was afraid of dying at Fukuchi’s hands, afraid of Akutagawa dying. He also felt worried, sad, and even nostalgic thinking about what Akutagawa had said just a few minutes before. Something Dazai discarded? What did he even mean by that? Maybe it was a clue to the inexplicable hate he felt towards him. He wanted to know the meaning, yearned for getting to know the other’s past, his fears, his thoughts. His heart ached for him, someone so cold, so broken that he didn’t even realize. Atsushi wanted to comfort him, hold him in his arms while he promised everything would be okay from now, that he was safe. His blood went cold when he realized what he was thinking, and the aggressive red blush was once again hugging his cheeks.
His thoughts were abruptly stopped when one of the guards spotted them and started shooting. Atsushi dodged every single one and as he was about to attack using the Beast’s abilities, something black just passed him at incredible speed and held the guard by the neck, dangling him in the air. “Don’t kill him, Akutagawa!”, he stepped closer to the man lying now unconscious on the floor and was surprised to see that he was actually alive and breathing. He turned his head around looking for an answer with a shocked face, “since we made that promise… you didn’t kill anyone?” and nobody could explain the warmth that started growing in his chest. Akutagawa just brushed it off with his hand and calmly said, “of course, I keep my promises” and Atsushi just exploded.
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me?
Please, stay!
As they escaped the multitude of guards that showed up unexpectedly, Atsushi asked what the plan was. “He can’t escape from the Black Tiger Claws; the only flaw is that it leaves me defenseless” and that was such a scary thing to hear. If Fukuchi were to discover that, Akutagawa would be in danger and there might be no way to save him from that. Atsushi shook his head trying to not think about that outcome, and looked at the other with pleading eyes, “are you sure about this, Akutagawa?” and the latter wasn’t but that’s what Dazai would’ve done.
As they went back upstairs, they were surprised to see Fukuchi there waiting. Nobody wasted any more time and they launched themselves into battle, using both of their abilities to crush this man once and for all.
That didn’t go well. At all.
With a light movement, Fukuchi used Atsushi as a weapon and broke Akutagawa’s arm and then injured Atsushi. “Jinko!!” he screamed. This couldn’t be happening, this wasn’t real. They were not staring right into Death’s eyes, Atsushi was safe.
Akutagawa tried to get up, tried to fight back while forcing the fracture back with Rashoumon’s help but he couldn’t feel his legs. As soon as he stood up, blood dripping down his mouth, sweat getting into his eyes and a worried Atsushi looking at him, he collapsed. He heard his name being said but he couldn’t move, what was happening? “Jinko… please, stay safe… wait for me” he thought as he slipped into unconsciousness.
Atsushi tried to dodge the blade but failed, collapsing not long after.
After a few minutes, Akutagawa started shaking and moving on the spot while laughing quietly. He stood up with much difficulty and looked Fukuchi straight in his eyes. “If I defeat you, Dazai-san will finally notice me” and Atsushi who was still lying on the floor couldn’t believe it.
Fukuchi backed away and sat down, lowering his gaze to match Akutagawa’s he said “Would you become my pupil?”. Silence followed soon after, as tension grew rapidly between the three. Atsushi could feel Akutagawa’s emotions, raw and about to burst from every single pore on his thin and weak body and it scared the shit out of him. “I need you to do something for me, kill that young man” he continued as his finger pointed to Atsushi’s body, and Akutagawa felt like he was drowning.
He couldn’t do that, not even think about it. And it made him really confused, why wasn’t he able to kill the weretiger he had been trying to defeat several times? Why did he feel guilt bubbling up his throat? Why did he feel sad? Worried even.
The look on Atsushi’s face was indescribable, mixed feelings dancing around, fear and a hint of nostalgia pooling inside his heart, was he really about to die? Was this really the end of him? And when Akutagawa positioned himself to fight, chanting he was doing this to “make Dazai proud”, he understood. How couldn’t he?
In a quick move, both of them started running towards each other. Akutagawa passed him briefly and activated Rashoumon so it would cling onto Atsushi, “dressing him up” in a black coat; a surprise attack. Fukuchi ended up laying on the floor, both arms absolutely busted so the deadly blade was no longer of use.
Atsushi shivered. Something was not right.
They found themselves running towards each other once again, Akutagawa embracing Atsushi with Rashoumon for the surprise attack they had telepathically planned. Only this time, Fukuchi knew what was about to happen and chopped Atsushi’s arm and lightly sliced Akutagawa’s shoulder. Both of them froze, how could he know about it?
Now without his adored black coat, Akutagawa got up with the help of his ability, black claws making their way to the enemy who just stood there. But the shiny blade surprised him once again, ending all his movements and slicing his throat, blood decorating the surroundings and Atsushi’s choked scream echoing in his head.
And I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
A pair of hands exploring new lands of skin, lips marking all the treasures in the map of his body, and legs tangling with each other like the sea hugs the shore. What were they actually doing? Was this even allowed? Atsushi wondered for a moment how the two of them ended up making out on a dark alley just around the Port Mafia’s hideout. He couldn’t really think too much about it with Akutagawa’s lips on his neck but he faintly remembers them on a mission together (courtesy of Dazai) and being overpowered by the enemy. So, they ran and tried to hide for a while until the backup came but, why were they in this situation now?
For his own surprise, he was the one who made the first move.
They were catching their own breaths from all the running, Akutagawa choking in between coughing fits. “What the fuck was that ability?!” Atsushi screamed frustrated that they had to escape, kicking a trash bin in the process making the other sigh. Both of them were too powerful together, so why couldn’t they just beat this guy at all? The tiger’s ability healed most of the wounds, but poor Akutagawa was just bleeding awfully in a way it made Atsushi’s stomach ache.
“Can you please shut the fuck up one minute? You’re infuriating and I despise the sound of your voice” Akutagawa’s deep and raw voice pierced through him making shivers run down his spine. He turned around to face him and something clicked inside.
He looked absolutely stunning.
His beautiful eyes under the streetlights, shining with something he couldn’t quite understand; messy hair from all the fighting and running that made him look more real; his slim body barely touching the wall for support while one of his hands grabbed his own chest for air and the other covered his mouth. He looked mesmerizing and Atsushi couldn’t comprehend why he was feeling this way having seen the other multiple times now.
He moved on instinct, tired legs dragging his body towards him. Reality hit him hard when he found himself in front of that black coat he really liked and a pair of confused and amused eyes staring down at him, his heart was beating inhumanly fast.
“What are you doing, Jinko?” that deep voice from before turned to an almost inaudible whisper, full of confusion and a bit of teasing behind. Atsushi had absolutely no idea what possessed him to grab the collar of Akutagawa’s shirt just so he could pull them even closer, noses touching. “I don’t even know myself, but you look so good right now” and with that, he pressed their lips together earning an annoyed sound from the other.
The most surprising thing about everything, was how after a few seconds of fighting back, Akutagawa kissed him back.
So here they were, all over each other. It didn’t go further than a few hickeys on both of them that Atsushi would have more trouble in hiding them (or in suffering Dazai’s all knowing teasing back at the agency). But something Akutagawa said that time burned in Atsushi’s memories; “You’re not too bad, you know?” he said between smiles and soft kisses.
Should've known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
This couldn’t be happening, this wasn’t real. Atsushi tried his best to grab Akutagawa’s hands, reaching out desperately while screaming his lungs out, a burning sensation in his heart.
He couldn’t.
The floor opened beneath him and he fell into the darkness that made him dizzy, he quickly understood that Akutagawa had planned all of this so that he could be the one to scape, and it hurt. Taking the submarine that was well hidden in the boat, he welcomed the sea with his own waterfalls adorning his bloody face. Akutagawa had died in front of him, he stopped breathing saving him, even his last words ached, “You damn fool, hurry up and go”.
How could he go? Leaving him behind was a nightmare and he was actually living it. Was he really dead? Akutagawa wasn’t easy to kill so he doubted that was the case but, seeing Fukuchi’s blade in action it wouldn’t surprise him. With his throat aching for air, he cried. He let everything out, screamed his name until his voice was hoarse, he even got light-headed from the lack of air. How could he live without him? They were supposed to be sworn enemies, hating each other and finding ways to kill each other every single time they crossed paths (something they actually did for some time) but, he knew that wasn’t their case at all. Dazai had told him about this once, he believed they had a supernatural connection or even something beyond that, something more and that was also the reason he always paired them together.
And he remembered everything. The little knowing looks from Dazai, Yosano, Ranpo and even Kunikida when he talked about how much he hated Akutagawa’s guts with a passion; the way he blushed when he got paired with him or when he heard his name; how his stomach felt that one time Akutagawa grabbed him by the waist so he wouldn’t literally fall off a cliff, or when their hands accidentally touched and they both blushed; when he had that dream about kissing him; and how Chuuya would refer to him as “the dog’s boyfriend or something”. He also recalled those times at the Port Mafia when he went with Dazai, where Akutagawa would sit next to him in the meetings and stood up for him when Mori made a mean comment towards Atsushi. Or that one day he had to sleep over at the PM because some organization threatened to blow up the agency’s building and Akutagawa offered his bed to him so he wouldn’t sleep on the floor, or the fact he had to borrow something from Tachihara and he caught Akutagawa looking up and down at him and stuttering when trying to talk.
His body felt heavy. He couldn’t breathe. He missed all of that, he missed Akutagawa.
(Now that you're gone) now that you're gone
(Now that you're gone) what I did's so wrong, so wrong
That you had to leave me alone
He returned safely to the ADA and he hated the knowing look on Ranpo’s eyes. His body was absolutely busted both physically (his ability couldn’t heal everything) and emotionally, so he collapsed on the floor the instant he crossed the door, Kunikida rushing to help him.
A few hours later, he woke up on the sofa confused and with a strong headache. He looked around to see if he was alone but when he saw Tanizaki’s sad eyes, everything came down to him again hitting his soul painfully hard. Feeling himself tremble and break apart second by second, he tried to hide his face but Ranpo’s hands were faster so he broke down on his shoulder, the other embracing him warmly.
“He’s gone, Ranpo… he left me, he died in front of me. I saw the life leaving his eyes, and he planned all of that. I hate him with all my heart” he started rambling, shaking and grabbing the detective’s brown piece of clothing like he felt he was going to leave him too if he let go. Upon hearing this, Ranpo shook his head lightly and took a step back to force Atsushi to look at him, “You know you don’t, Atsushi…” and that was it. Loud sobs made their way to everyone’s ears, even making Kyouka leave because she couldn’t take seeing her big brother like this, Kenji following behind her. Yosano started crying too, Kunikida remained strong stroking her back slowly trying to calm her down.
He didn’t, he didn’t hate that man at all. He loved him.
But it was too late now. Atsushi’s mind plagued with one sentence repeating itself, “Please stay, Akutagawa.”.