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As like most nights since Cardan’s coronation, the revel in the Burgh was in full swing and I was already itching to leave. Unlike most nights, where I would be able to slip away within the first hour and take care of more pressing matters than getting blind drunk on faerie wine and slipping off to dark corners, Cardan had required my presence for the entire night.
Or course, I could have ordered him to leave me alone. But the rest of the Folk would’ve noted my absence on this very important and very fae celebration of the new moon.
The new moon revel also required a certain level of dress that I had somewhat abandoned during my tenure as Seneschal. Ever since I forced Cardan’s hand, forced the crown onto his head and bound him to me for a year and a day, I had foregone many of the courtly ensembles of skirts, corsets, and delicate heels, favoring more sensible tunics, leather pants, boots and blades.
Not that I disliked the opulence of gowns and finery. I admired the way a fine tailor could make me look, the way long skirts and tight waists enhanced my human curves. The fae respected beauty and the ability to appear as decadent as a poisoned fruit, and I knew it was an easy way to gain that respect. My Seneschal outfits were never drab or boring, simply more functional.
Tonight, however, I donned a gown of deep red silk, almost the exact color of spilt blood. A halter neck bared my tanned skin and toned muscles, as did the dual slits up my legs. A band of hammered gold leaves curled around the bottom of my breasts like a belt, while a circlet of the same gold sat on my brow. Of course, Nightfell sat heavy on my hip, with no less than five additional blades held in various places on my person.
Cardan had disappeared into the crowd hours ago, but I kept tabs on when his tousled head popped up every so often, just to make sure he was still alive. His untimely assassination in the middle of a revel would be almost too much for one mortal Senschal to handle.
I stood at my sentry position in a corner near the throne, nursing a glass of ale and counting down the minutes until I could return to my room or to the Court of Shadows. Anywhere where I couldn’t watch the Folk dance and laugh and enjoy themselves. Anywhere where I didn’t have to see him with two, three, four beautiful fae on his arms. The attention-seeking, lazy fool.
“Jude!”
My brooding was interrupted by my twin sister bounding up to me in a beautiful gown of rosy gauze and opals. Her face was shining with the flush of youth and wine, making her altogether too pink. Her vulpine fiancé followed behind her at a slower pace, his blue and white ensemble off-setting his red hair.
“Taryn,” I greeted my sister with a smile before turning a more frozen expression to her companion. “Locke.”
He smiled his cunning fox smile at me, as if I wasn’t liable to knock his teeth out right then and there.
“Come dance with us!” Taryn squealed, plucking the goblet out of my hand and setting it on a nearby ledge before tugging on my arm. “You love this song!”
I strained my ears to hear the music being played for the dancing circles, where mortals would dance and dance and dance until being released by a fae. I did love this wild beat of drums and fiddles and flutes. The music called to me and pulled at me, like it would any unsuspecting mortal.
But I was not just any mere mortal.
“Taryn, I can’t,” I gave her an apologetic smile, firmly but gently removing her pretty, soft hands from my arm. I stared briefly at our hands together. Her slim fingers and manicured nails against my rough-hewn calluses and golden hair on my knuckles. Weren’t we meant to be identical? When exactly had we changed so dramatically?
“I can’t risk being caught up in the circles right now,” I continued, dragging my gaze back up to her pleading expression. “I’m busy.”
“Just for one song?” she begged, keeping my hand clutched between two of hers. “I know you have big responsabilites now, but surely you can be spared for just one dance?”
I sighed inwardly. It wasn’t too much of a risk to dance one song with Taryn, it was true. But one song could always turn into two or three and I couldn’t let my guard down or leave Cardan unwatched and unattended at such a large gathering of the Folk for that long.
“Taryn…”
“Jude, please?” my sister asked again, looking up through her lashes with her big brown doe eyes. I swear that they were even lining with silver tears as she pleaded. “We haven’t danced together in so long. Who knows how many more chances we’ll get before I’m married?”
I almost snorted at that. As if marriage would stop Locke or even Taryn from general revelry, drunkenness and the dancing circles.
But she had a point, we hadn’t been merry together since I found out about her and Locke’s game . I had been mad enough to strangle the both of them and had been giving Taryn quite the cold shoulder since.
She was clearly trying her best to make amends. Not an apology or even an acknowledgment of hurting me, her sister. Simply an invitation to dance with her.
But it was a two-way street, wasn’t it? Didn’t I have to try to repair what had once been between us?
Locke decided that it was his time to cut in right then. “You needn’t worry, Jude. Cardan already slipped off with a courtier or two. I’m sure they’ll keep him well occupied and safe from harm. And I’ll be there to pull you both out should anything go amiss.”
He flashed me his most winning smile, one that had once won me over and under. One that spoke of walks in the forest and empty tower rooms.
Taryn stood beside him, her own expression evoking clasped hands and whispering together under covers.
Dammit.
“Fine. One song.”
The thrum of the dancers reverberated on the hard-packed earth floor of the Burgh and up my legs into my chest. The delicious lick of the fiddles’ melody spun around and in me, making my feet and arms fly, making me toss my hair.
Taryn was a mess of pink to my left, the chiffon of her gown spilling out around her like a cloud. Locke was a beacon of fire somewhere off across from me, weaving in and out of revelers.
I was a spinning top, a will-o’-the-wisp, a blazing star.
I danced and leapt and spun, grinning and giggling, my arms spread wide.
My feet soon started to ache and my lungs burned, but I relished it, relished in the pain of living well and wildly, of pushing my mortal body to keep up with the fae. It was a good kind of ache.
I hadn’t been free like this in so long . Hadn’t let myself dance and laugh and throw my head back in glee. Hadn’t realized how tired and tense I’d been the past months. Hadn’t realized how much I needed this moment.
I danced on, the heels of my shoes sometimes sinking into the earth, the metal of my belt digging into my ribs. My muscles twinged, but I ignored them.
The colours of the hall and the fae spun around me in a whirling dervish of crimson, sapphire, gold. God, it was glorious .
I danced on.
But then my lungs continued to hurt as I gasped for air and couldn’t fill my chest. My feet and calves were straining and shaking, and I could feel the muscles cramping painfully. I could barely stand to move my limbs to the music anymore, but I couldn’t help it.
Where was Taryn? I couldn’t see her in the circle anymore. Her cloud of blush and rose was gone.
I kept dancing and dancing, laughs kept being pulled out of my mouth even as the back of my throat was coppery with blood. My body kept moving to the deliciously fast notes of the fiddles and pipes, even as my mind wanted to stop, to rest.
Where was Locke to pull me - ah.
They had forgotten me. Accidentally or deliberately, it was hard to say, but I had surely been abandoned by my sister.
I danced on, my joints cracking painfully, my limbs crying out for reprieve. Were my feet wet with blood, or was I simply drenched in sweat?
I danced on.
How long could I go on like? I couldn’t take myself out and the circle would surely continue for hours more. Maybe the Bomb or the Roach would see me? Or one of the Council Members would do their duty to their Seneschal?
Were any of them aware of how fragile and breakable my body really was?
Suddenly, there was a large, cool hand on my arm and suddenly I was being pulled farther and farther away from the music.
The magic of the circle broke, and I choked while gasping for air, trying to fill my lungs as quickly as possible. My legs gave out almost immediately, spasming as I tried to stand on my own, to get out, to get away.
A flash of gold and black curls and wide, dark eyes flitted in my vision.
It was Cardan.
Cardan, my High King, my royal captive, who was holding me up and bearing my shaking body with his own weight.
For fuck’s sake.
“Get—” I gasped wildly, trying my best to push his hands off, “Off— of me.”
“I will not have you collapse to the floor in the middle of the hall,” He hissed back, holding my weak and wavering arms in an even tighter grip. He pulled my arm around his waist before adding, “It would embarrass the Crown for the Seneschal to not even be strong enough for a bit of dancing.”
I swore viciously at him through pants as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and steered me in the direction of the exit.
He only smirked at my ragged display of rage and led on, supporting me almost completely as I struggled to maintain my consciousness and to keep my feet beneath me.
I was all I could do to keep some bit of my pride by not collapsing into the warmth of his body. God, I was so tired.
To Cardan’s credit, he didn’t embarrass me in front of the Folk by carrying me. In fact, with his arm draped over my shoulders, it could even be construed that the High King was the one in need of support and that his loyal Seneschal was simply escorting him to bed after a few too many drinks.
“Jude! What happened?” A pink sunbeam entered my vision. My sister, the lovesick fool.
Cardan halted us both and I spoke as clearly as I could through my anger and my aching body.
“That fucking dick— Locke— your precious fiancé.”
I could just make out Taryn’s expression of confusion as she took in what I said. The little idiot couldn’t even comprehend that her lover would do something so stupid - or cruel.
“Jude, Locke wouldn’t leave you in the circle. He said he would pull you out after me, he must’ve forgotten…”
But she trailed off, like she didn’t even believe herself.
My eyes kept sliding shut from exhaustion, but I didn't miss the flash of some strong emotion in Cardan’s eyes. Annoyance, maybe, that he had to be wrapped up in Locke’s petty dramatics once again.
Maybe Taryn didn’t know. Maybe Locke really had just forgotten. Vivi had done the same before, never to this extent, but it had happened.
But right then, I was just too tired, too hurt, too pissed to care.
Taryn reached for me, like she was going to take me out of Cardan’s arms.
“Jude, I didn’t know he left, honest. It was probably just one of his jokes-”
“I suggest you go and make your cases to him instead,” Cardan cut in icily, maneuvering me past Taryn outstretched hands and to the direction of my room. I didn’t argue, didn’t give my sister a backwards glance.
Once we were out of the Grand Hall and into the smaller corridors, I let my eyes shut and focused on regaining my composure. I dug into my well of strength, of sheer will power, and put my energy into putting one sure foot in front of the other.
I let Cardan take the lead, trusted him to take me to my room, to not let me collapse to the floor. He did his part, never once wavering in holding me up.
When had he become this strong?
Finally we made it to my room, mercifully having passed no one in my embarrassing stagger through the door.
“I can walk just fine, “ I snapped when Cardan attempted to help me over to my bed, my breathing finally under control.
He smirked and let me go, abruptly removing his support. I stood in the middle of the room, shaking like a newborn deer, as we stared stubbornly at each other.
I resolutely took a step towards my bed, before stumbling on my ruined feet and pitching to the stone floor.
Before I could hit the ground, he was there.
My body finally gave up as Cardan hauled me into his arms and onto my bed, my limbs going limp and my mind becoming a meaningless buzz. I was still conscious enough to be mad that I needed his help at all, though.
But the second my back touched the spidersilk of the duvet and the warmed furs, my body sank into them, and my exhaustion eclipsed any sense of pride I’d held onto. I just wanted to sleep for the next fifty nights.
Through the haze of heavy eyelids, I could feel my heeled sandals being removed, and could feel where they stuck with my blood. My circlet came next, but when Cardan’s sure hands moved to my sword, I gathered enough strength to grab his wrist.
“Don’t you fucking dare.” I croaked out, not as menacing as I’d hoped to sound.
Cardan’s dry chuckle broke the small space between us, his breath warm, his hand under mine warmer.
“Are the rumors true, my Seneschal? You truly sleep with all of your weapons on hand? I thought the maids were exaggerating.”
“Tonight I do.” I bit back, forcing my eyes open so I could take in his form clearly for the first time since he’d pulled me out of the circle.
His usually tall frame was hunched half over my prone one, and his black velvet doublet was half unlaced, showing the straps of leather he’d donned under. His trousers had a pattern of stitched silver leaves running up the sides. His crown, as always, was crooked, but that probably had more to do with his dragging me through the halls than anything else.
His stupid, beautiful eyes were gazing at me - and were utterly unreadable. Maybe it was just my exhaustion, but I could swear he looked… concerned. Worried. Angry. At me? On my behalf?
Given how much I’d screwed him over a couple months ago, there was no way he’d care for me in that way.
More likely that he still needed me in this odd, parasitic relationship we’d found ourselves in.
That I’d put us in.
He saw me looking at him and gave me a wry half-smile.
“Sleep, Jude. No one shall remove your blades or attack you in your slumber, I swear it.”
I huffed out a laugh, there was no way he could ensure that, but my eyes finally closed fully, a deep sleep right on its heels.
I mutedly listened to Cardan’s footfalls as he left the room, extinguishing the few candles I’d let burn, leaving me in total darkness.
There was a pause, though, in the sound of his boot heels against the stone, before I heard the door open and shut again.
As if he had stopped at the threshold for some reason.
Before I could ponder the possibility of that, I fell into a dreamless abyss.