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Shouta woke to someone poking his cheek… over and over and over.
“Stop or I’ll kill you.” He grumbled.
Poke poke poke .
“Do you know how many naps I can take in prison?”
Poke poke poke.
Shouta finally, begrudgingly cracked an eye open and was met with the too-close face of his six year old.
“What?”
“I’m hungry.” Hitoshi said.
“Tell Dad.” Shouta rolled over, pulling his pillow with him to cover his head. One of his favorite things in the entire world was his post-school pre-dinner nap before Hizashi got home with their son and he’d be damned if it was cut short.
“I can’t.”
“Yes you can.”
“No I can’t Papa.”
“Why not?”
“Daddy locked laundry room and his music too loud.”
Shouta dropped the pillow and sat up, turning to look at his son.
“The door is locked?”
“Uh huh.” Hitoshi nodded. “And I’m hungry.”
“You’re SURE the door is LOCKED?”
“Yes. Papa please can I have a snack?”
“Fuck.” Shouta scrubbed a hand over his face, dread filling up his gut. Hizashi only locked doors for TWO reasons. One, so they could have sex. And since Shouta was up here and not currently making out with his husband on top of a washing machine… that left the second reason.
Hizashi cried all the time. He was an emotional person, wore his heart on his sleeve. He cried when he was happy, excited, when he saw a cute dog. He had no problem crying in front of people, even when he was sad. But there were times when it went beyond sad, when Hizashi was well and truly devastated . It was ugly and Shouta knew his husband wouldn’t want Hitoshi to see. He didn’t even like Shouta seeing it. When he got in those moods he...
He locked himself away.
“ Fuck.”
“Fuck?” Hitoshi repeated, cocking his head to the side.
“Uh… don’t repeat that Tosh. That’s a grown up word.”
“A cuss?”
“Yeah.” Shouta stood with a sigh. His back cracked in at least a dozen places as he stretched before he jerked his head for his kid to follow. “Come on. Let’s get you some food.”
Shouta led him downstairs, purposefully avoiding the laundry room door as he helped Hitoshi up into a chair and plopped a jelly pouch in front of him.
“What!? No!” Hitoshi protested, pushing it away. “Those are yucky! Please!?”
“Picky.” Shouta rolled his eyes with a smile. “Fine. What do you want?”
“Soup. With letters.”
“Bah.” Shouta groaned with disgust, but dug a can of the American alphabet soup out of a cupboard anyway. He sat across from Hitoshi while he ate, keeping his eyes on the laundry room door. The dull thud of bass music slightly shook the door and muffled any noises, but Shouta had no doubts what sounds it was masking.
“Daddy ok?” Hitoshi asked.
“Huh?” Shouta turned to see Hitoshi looking at the door as well. “Oh. Yeah. Dad’s fine. He’s just… doing laundry.”
“He’ll watch Berry Babies with me?”
“Uh… no Tosh. He can’t. Dad’s got to do work stuff.”
“Oh… You’ll watch Berry Babies with me?”
Shouta physically winced. Hitoshi usually got to watch an episode or two of the dumb Berry Baby cartoon before bed. It was an English cartoon Hizashi had got him hooked on to help him start learning the language early. The first and ONLY time Shouta had ever had to sit through it, he broke the remote control and he was pretty damn sure Hizashi was still mad at him for taping their son’s mouth shut when he wouldn’t stop singing the theme song.
“Uh… I uh..can’t.”
Hitoshi wrinkled up his face at Shouta in an adorable pout.
“Yeah yeah I know.” Shouta walked over and ruffled his hair. “Put your bowl in the sink and I’ll let you watch whatever you want.”
“Whatever?”
“Whatever.” Shouta confirmed.
“Game Thrones?”
“Wha- No. Anything but that.”
“Ok.” Hitoshi shrugged and slid off his chair. He deposited his bowl in the sink and ran off to plunk himself in front of the TV.
Shouta watched him, made sure he at least picked something… slightly more appropriate than Game of Thrones. When he was satisfied with whatever American reality show his son picked, he spent a few minutes doing the dishes before he finally decided to intervene. He grabbed a screwdriver from a drawer and popped the lock on the laundry room door.
He took a deep breath before he walked in.
His heart fell almost immediately. Hizashi was sitting on the floor in front of their washing machine with his head buried against his legs. His long blonde hair had been worried out of his casual ponytail and most of it was falling down over his arms. His hearing aids were out and resting next to Hizashi’s glasses on the floor.
Having those out explained why the man didn’t even flinch when Shouta commanded the voice-activated speaker to turn the music off. Hizashi DID jump when Shouta slid down the machine to sit next to him.
Hizashi gasped and jerked up to look at him, eyes red and puffy from crying. He relaxed when he saw it was just his husband.
“Jesus Sho.” Hizashi reached for his hearing aids. “You scared me.”
“Sorry.” Shouta handed him his glasses.
“Did the music wake you up?” Hizashi asked with a sniff. He wiped his face off with his shirt sleeve before sliding his glasses on.
“No. The starving kid did.” Shouta deadpanned.
“Starving? Oh god. What time is it!?” Hizashi scrambled, trying to get his phone from on top of the washer. Shouta gently stopped him.
“It’s not that late. He was just hungry. I took care of it.”
Hizashi let out a shaky breath and sank back down. He let his head flop back against the metal of the washing machine and closed his eyes.
“What’s going on Zash?” Shouta asked as gently as he could.
“I um… I did something. I did something really stupid Sho.”
Shouta stiffened and he could almost physically feel his stomach bottom out to his feet. His husband did ‘stupid’ stuff all the time. If it was something that upset Hizashi this much then it was bad, and Shouta’s brain could only think of one thing.
“Did you uh… did you sleep with some-”
“NO!” Hizashi reached over and punched him in the shoulder. “NO! God Sho no. Not stupid like that.”
“Ok.” Shouta let out a small breath of relief. That was pretty much the only thing Hizashi could do that would break him. Anything else he could deal with.
“No I… I found Toto’s birth parents Sho a-and I found out why they gave him up and it’s so awful and I’m so angry and-”
“Woah woah woah. Hizashi stop. Stop. ” Shouta reached out and gently shook his husband who had started to get a little hysterical again. “Slow down. WHY were you looking for his birth parents?”
“I wasn’t looking . I… he’s our dentist.”
“I know it’s been a while for me Hizashi but I don’t think our dentist is related to Hitoshi. He’s not even Japanese.”
“Sho that dentist retired.” Hizashi explained with a sniff. “I went to see his replacement.”
“Ok… Start from the beginning.”
-----------------------------------
Hizashi was the first to admit that he was, at times, a bit vain. His hero persona relied a lot on his looks and he liked to maintain his look at a very high level. That meant a rigorous skin care routine, expensive hair products, designer accessories, and pristine dental hygiene.
He never missed a checkup.
He was a bit nervous today, however. He wasn’t worried that he had cavities or anything would be wrong. He was just a bit anxious because this was his first appointment with the new dentist that took over after his predecessor retired. But the secretary assured him that this new guy was amazing and Hizashi really didn’t want to go through the hassle of transferring their records so he decided to give him a chance.
The dental assistant brought him back and did his cleaning. He pulled out his same old jokes about keeping quiet for so long. She laughed, as she always did, and when she was done she excused herself and told him the dentist would be right in.
Hizashi sat back in his chair and got comfy, humming a bit as he waited. He looked up when he heard footsteps and sat up to greet the dentist.
“Good morning Yamada-san.” The dentist said cheerfully as he sat down on a little wheely chair.
“Good-” Yamada’s greeting choked off as he got a full view of the man.
“Did my assistant take your tongue?” The man laughed. “They’re a bit more forceful than I’m used to. I’m Akanishi Yuji. I’m glad you decided to stay with the practice during these times of transition.”
Hizashi could only nod, still staring.
The man… Well the man bore a striking resemblance to his six year old. His hair was a darker purple than Hitoshi’s but his eyes… his nose… his face was identical, as though Hitoshi had been put in a time machine and skipped thirty or forty years into the future.
“Are you ready to get started Yamada-san?”
Hizashi nodded again and let the dentist guide him back to lay down. He got out his little metal tools, instructed Hizashi to open his mouth, and got to work.
Akanishi made small talk, as most dentists do, as he poked and prodded around Hizashi’s mouth.
“I’m excited to be here. “ Akanishi said. “My family and I are actually from this area. We moved away for about six years but we are loving being back. You from here?”
Hizashi nodded. Six years… Hitoshi was six years old…
“It's an adjustment to be sure. My girls are having a hard time with a new school and they haven’t made any friends yet. Do you have children?”
Hizashi nodded again, a sinking feeling in his gut.
“Hey! Maybe you could bring them to the office sometime. My girls are 8 and 12.” Akanishi chuckled. “They are a handful. Both of them as girly girl as can be. My little princess-”
Hizashi couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t take looking up at eyes that were too familiar to be coincidence. He pushed the dentist aside and sat up.
“Is everything-” Akanishi started to ask, Hizashi cut him off.
“You have two kids?”
“Yes….?” Akanishi raised a confused eyebrow.
“ONLY two kids?”
The man’s confusion dropped and his facial expression grew dark.
“Who are you?” he asked, any trace of friendly dentist gone.
“I’m right aren’t I?” Hizashi sputtered. “You have a son too, about six years old?”
The dentist stared at him for a moment before he stood up. Hizashi was worried he was just going to walk out, instead he shut the exam room door and then sat back down.
“You have Hitoshi don’t you?”
Hizashi felt angry tears spring to his eyes and it was all he could do to nod without letting out a sob. He decided he did not like his son’s name in this man’s mouth.
“My wife knew this would happen.” The dentist sighed and slouched backward. “I told her… such a big city, there’s no way we’d ever run into him. No way…”
“You… you’ve avoided him?”
“The girls are under the impression their baby brother died.” Akanishi looked up at him. “It was the best option.”
“ Died.” Hizashi parroted back, shocked. “You told them he died?”
“We didn’t have much of a choice. They loved him despite.. Well despite everything.”
“I… why?” Hizashi finally asked the question he’d been dying to ask Hitoshi’s birth parents since the day he met the boy. “Why did you give him up?”
Akanishi sighed and looked up at him.
“He was fine... Till he was two. My uh.. My quirk, it’s like a form of empathy. I can make someone feel calm or excited or happy. Hitoshi-”
“Please don’t say his name.” Hizashi whispered.
“The boy ,” Akanishi conceded. “He could make us do… things. At first he just made us freeze a lot. His favorite word was stop. But then he learned more words and things just got bad. He was making his sisters give him toys, making my wife give him food.”
“And that was worth abandoning him!?”
“No. No that came when he didn’t like a neighbor talking to him outside. He told her to go away . She turned around and started walking…. And walking. It was February. They found her ten miles away, died of exposure.” The dentist took a deep breath. “They couldn’t prove it was Hitoshi, but the whole neighborhood knew. I couldn’t let a murderer live in my house, not with my girls.”
“He was a child .” Hizashi hissed, tears flowing freely now.
“He was a villain. And everyone we knew treated us like villains. My reputation.. It was the best choice. For us and for him.”
“For him? You…. You have NO idea the hell we rescued him from. He was beaten . A-and starved. A villain?” Hizahsi asked. “No. No he is the most perfect little boy. Even after all he went through, the suffering YOU caused… He’s an angel-”
“Listen I’m sorry for whatever he went through, but it is not our fault and to be frank, I don’t want to hear about him anymore.” Akanishi stood. “I told you so you would know what he’s capable of, but I think it’s best you leave now.”
“You… disgust me.” Hizashi spat as he stood.
“Find another dentist.” Akanishi jerked his head toward the door. “And if you attempt to contact me or my family-”
“That’s not going to be a problem.”
-------------------------------------
“ Fuck.” Shouta breathed.
“I know. It took me an hour before I could go back to work. And I was ok, but then I picked Tosh up from school and we got home and… and it just hit me.” Hizashi sobbed, face buried against Shouta’s arm by this point. “He can’t know about this Sho, EVER. It would kill him. Nobody can know.”
“I agree.” Shouta mumbled into Hizashi’s hair. “People would treat him differently.”
“He was just a baby. He had no idea-”
“Of course he didn’t. It’s… fucking disgusting that they cared more about their reputations than their son.”
“He deserved so much better.”
“Well…” Shouta tightened his arms around his husband. “He has us now. And he’s happy, healthy, and we’re going to keep it that way.”
“What if Tosh… stumbles onto him like I did? What if he finds out?”
“It’d be hard. He was assigned the name Shinsou when he got dumped in the system… I don’t think there’s any way he could figure out his birth surname, even if he went looking.”
“I could tell just by looking at him Sho.”
“Yeah well… IF he ever does, we will cross that bridge when we come to it.” Shouta sighed. “In the meantime, it’s probably good that he hates going to the dentist.”
Shouta smiled when that pulled a small chuckle from his husband. After a few more… moist moments of sniffles, Hizashi wiped his face on Shouta’s sleeve and sat up.
“Sorry I’m a mess. I just…” Hizashi sighed. “I just don’t get it. There’s nothing Hitoshi could do to make me love him any less, nothing he could do to make me abandon him.”
“Some people don’t deserve to be parents.” Shouta stood and offered Hizashi a hand up. He crowded the man back against the washing machine and reached up to brush the hair out of Hizashi’s face, tucking it behind his ear.
Hizashi just sighed again and moved to rest his forehead against Shouta’s.
“What do we do?” Hizashi asked quietly.
“Find another dentist.”
“Sho.”
“We don't need to DO anything Zash. We just go out there and watch fucking Berry Babies with the brat.” Shouta spoke gently. “It’s like you said, he deserved better so we need to be better.”
“I… I hate Berry Babies.” Hizashi forced a chuckle.
“That’s your own damn fault.” Shouta chuckled himself and gave his husband a quick kiss before pushing the man out of the laundry room. He moved to grab Hizashi’s phone when he heard the man gasp from the kitchen.
“Hitoshi! What are you watching!”
Shouta made it out just in time to see Hizashi, eyes still red from sobbing, diving for the remote control. The TV was paused in the middle of a sex scene and Hitoshi… Their son was sitting on the couch looking straight at Shouta with wide eyes.
“I said no Game of Thrones.”
“But I want to see the butts!”
“No butts until you’re older.”
-----------------------------------------
They switched Hitoshi back to age appropriate cartoons while Hizashi and Shouta ate their own dinner. Afterward Hizashi handled bath time while Shouta did dishes.
When he was done, he locked the doors, shut off the lights, and wandered deeper into the apartment. He expected to find Hizashi brushing his hair or teeth in his own night routine. Instead he found his room empty.
He went looking for him the only place he could be, pausing in their son’s doorway to take in the scene in front of him.
Hizashi was curled up on his side on the bed, looking comically large on the small mattress. Hitoshi was snuggled up against his chest, so fully enveloped in his dad’s arms that only a single foot and his explosion of hair were showing.
Shouta let himself smile, not that he could stop it if he tried.
He was apathetic about so much of the world that he was truly surprised he could feel anything this strong. The love and devotion he had for these two was so strong that it threatened tears if he thought about it too hard.
Hitoshi was perfect, he always would be in Shouta’s mind. He didn’t understand how his birth parents could have given up on him so easily, and with no remorse. But… as much as it really sucked for Hitoshi, Shouta was… glad that they had given him up. He wished Hitoshi hadn’t suffered, but he was grateful beyond belief that he had ended up with them.
He watched them for a while, lost in the depth of his adoration before he sighed. Hizashi had an early morning show and it wouldn’t do for him to spend the night here.
He carefully extracted Hitoshi and picked the boy up. Hitoshi grumbled, but didn’t wake. He just nuzzled up under Shouta’s chin as he walked across the hall and deposited him in the middle of their bed. He went back and scooped up Hizashi as gently as he could. Unlike Hitoshi, Hizashi stirred in his arms.
“Sho… wait, I need my Toto-”
“Relax.” Shouta whispered. “He’s already in our bed.”
“Mmmmm…” Hizashi mumbled, content as Shouta tucked him in next to their son. The man immediately resumed the position he had been in earlier, pulling Hitoshi close. Shouta changed quickly into a pair of pajama pants and slipped in beside them.
He was awake for a while. Ever the strategist, running through scenarios and plans for what they’d do if Hitoshi DID ever stumble across his birth parents. Shouta would protect him from that… at all costs he thinks.
In the end his mind carried him away and he drifted off imagining how their family would look in ten years, the kind of person Hitoshi would grow into… how many cats he could convince Hizashi to let him have…
Lulled to sleep in his little sanctuary of peace.