Chapter Text
Send Her My Love
Send her my love
Memories remain
Send her my love
Roses never fade…
Chapter One
Gallifrey. It was all he could think about. Where could it be? Did the Master really know, did she give him the correct coordinates? And if she did, then why was nothing there when he arrived? Was she lying again, or was this some sort of trick? What was he missing?
The Doctor, in his twelfth incarnation, pounded his fists in frustration on the center console of the TARDIS. He was so desperate to find Gallifrey, supposedly saved somewhere, frozen in time, locked away. But where? After encountering the Master again, his old nemesis who never seemed to perish, he felt certain that she had been truthful. She had told him where to find their home planet. But was he too anxious, so desperate to find it, that he trusted too quickly? And why after all this time would she tell him the truth? What did she have to gain?
So many questions and no answers. Anger and frustration threatened to overtake him again in these moments of introspection, pondering her empty promise. He shoved those feelings down, making the decision that he had to think outside the box (literally) to finally locate his missing world. There had to be a solution and continually bombarding his though process with negativity did nothing to solve the problem.
At least now, he had Clara with him again. After all that she had been through, after all the nonsense at Christmas, he had convinced her to come with him once more. He was more than delighted to be travelling with her again. And he knew that she needed him right now just as much as he needed her. Losing Danny, the love of her life, changed her forever, and what better way to escape her broken heart than to run away. After all, the Doctor knew, this seemed to always be his solution.
He began to contemplate all the possibilities again regarding the whereabouts of his home planet. Was it existing in an invisible time stream like the ones he encountered on Apalapucia? Was it hidden exactly one second off just as the 27 planets had been hidden in the Medusa Cascade all those years ago by Davros? Or perhaps it was residing in a pocket universe, or even a parallel one?
He didn’t want to think about any parallel universes again. Not now. It had taken him so many years and two regenerations to finally move on emotionally from that. Watching Clara go through the loss of Danny reminded him too much of his own loss so long ago. He knew that he had done the right thing, leaving her there to live out the life he wished he could live with her but knew was impossible. And as time wore on it became easier to push those feelings down. But every once in a while, something would remind him of her and he would selfishly wish that he wasn’t a Time Lord.
Utter rubbish. I can’t even allow myself to speak her name he thought. It still hurt. And the guilt he felt was just as powerful. I didn’t even give her a choice. I told her some nonsense about the meta-crisis being too dangerous to be left on his own and that she could make him better. I didn’t even ask her.
But he didn’t need to ask her what she really wanted. He already knew. And if he were being completely honest with himself, he knew that he had wanted the same thing…to spend the rest of his life with her, his beautiful…Rose.
He also knew then, as he still knows, that it would have been impossible. He was a Time Lord, with an indefinite life span. She was human, and he couldn’t bear the thought of watching her wither and die. It was easier to leave her there and remember her exactly how she was and never go through the pain of losing her. In his mind, she would always be there, a perfect memory, safely tucked away. Besides, in the parallel universe she could spend her days surrounded by family, her whole family, all the while creating one of her own with his duplicate, if she wanted.
It’s still not fair he said to himself. He had sacrificed so much in his life. She had promised him forever, and he let her go. He gave her a forever with him, but not with him. He knew when he left her there that it would take time for her to fully embrace what he had done and why he had done it. He hoped that eventually she would forgive him…but above all he wanted her to be happy. That alone was worth his sacrifice.
What’s done is done. With a dismissive sigh he shoved his thoughts of Rose aside, needing to redirect his energy for the task at hand.
Meanwhile, Clara sat in a chair in the upper deck that surrounded the control room, reading a book. She was trying to do anything to occupy her mind, occasionally glancing down at the Doctor to see if he was making any progress. The events of the last few months were still fresh, still painful. Danny was gone. He had the chance to come back to her, but in true Danny Pink fashion, chose to sacrifice his opportunity to allow the child he had killed to come back. How could she fault him for that? It was one of the reasons she loved him so much, would always love him. And now, somehow, she had to learn to live without him…
Shake it off Clara she thought. She had to stop torturing herself with thoughts of him, what their lives could have been. She was so grateful that the Doctor had insisted that she come back with him for more adventures. Nothing like seeing the splendor of other galaxies and planets (and occasionally facing great danger) to take her mind off Danny. She wondered if this was one of the reasons the Doctor was constantly on the move, if he did this to avoid looking back at all those he had lost. Although they hadn’t really discussed his past, she knew that she couldn’t be the first person he had travelled with. How painful it must have been for him to leave so many people he loved behind.
She also wondered if the Doctor had been in love, like the love she had with Danny. She knew about River Song. She knew that they had been married and that he genuinely seemed to care for her, but how did that relationship work? During the time she was with the Doctor, even before he regenerated, the two of them weren’t together, at least in a normal sort of relationship way. She didn’t even know River was a woman until she met her during the conference at Madame Vastra’s. Theirs was a very unconventional pairing to say the least.
The Doctor had lived over 2000 years. Surely, somewhere in his timeline, he had been in love, had fallen head-over-heels-can’t-live-without-you in love. The kind of love where you can’t bear to be apart…and would have been impossibly painful to forget. She knew that pain, that deep burning hurt that never stopped. For humans, at least under normal circumstances, two people could spend their lives together. For a Time Lord, however, you would have the realization right away that forever was impossible, that you would go on living a very, very long time, far longer than your partner.
Tears welled up in her eyes…not only for her own hurt, but for her friend. It was no wonder he kept on running and never looked back. How many times had he endured what she was going through now? As terrible as it was for her, how bad was it for him?
Stop it she told herself. She didn’t want the Doctor to see her cry anymore. She had learned through her adventures with her friend how to be The Doctor, and now it was time to put that lesson into practice. If somehow he could do it, could feel that pain every day and still go on, then so could she.
Several hours later Clara and the Doctor were chatting casually as they stood in front of the console. “I’ve tried several different theories in my head regarding the whereabouts of Gallifrey,” he told her, “and I think I may be on to something. It may be risky, we might get stuck somewhere and not able to come back easily, so I’m warning you now. Are you still willing to come with me?”
“Doctor,” Clara said as she looked into his eyes, “I’ve never been more ready. Let’s do this.” In her mind she had absolutely nothing left to lose, and if this would be her end, it might as well be with the Doctor.
With that, the Doctor punched in commands on the keyboard, flipped several levers, and the mechanisms in the center tube started to rise and fall. The lights flashed on and off and the TARDIS made her normal wheezing travel sounds. Things seemed to be fine for a while.
However, about ten minutes into the excursion, the situation changed drastically. There was an explosion, all of the lights went out and the ship spun out of control. The Doctor and Clara grabbed the handrails and held on for dear life. They could feel the ship falling.
“What did you do?” Clara yelled over the sounds of the ship.
“Gallifrey is still in the same place, but hidden, at least that’s my theory,” the Doctor stated loudly. “If it is indeed hidden, it’s most likely in a pocket or parallel universe. I have tried to find an opening in the Time Vortex to allow us to fall into another dimension. This is approximately the same location I was years ago when I fell in accidentally. It was worth a shot!”
“Wait! You’ve been in a parallel universe before?” Clara responded.
“Yes!” The Doctor answered.
“Well, I guess you got back from there last time, right?”
“Yes!”
“Was it hard to get back?”
“Almost impossible!”
“Great!”
“So, you are willing to risk not returning just to find Gallifrey?”
“Some things are worth the risk, right?” He reminded her.
“Don’t go there, Doctor,” she gave him a look. She didn’t need reminding of their excursion to try and bring back Danny from the dead.
“I was certain that I had closed this gap forever. But if Gallifrey was forced through the gap, perhaps it created a ripple effect which caused some of the old openings to fracture just enough for us to get through. It feels like it worked! Hang on Clara, prepare for a crash landing!”
“Crash landing! What?”
BOOM. Then nothing. All the lights of the TARDIS went out completely. Oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling.
“Oh my God!” Clara whispered. “Is the TARDIS dead?”
“I don’t know,” the Doctor responded quietly.
“Did this happen when you were here before?”
“Yes. The first time I was here.”
“You’ve been here more than once?”
“Yes.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“No.”
“Ok. So…if the TARDIS was dead, how did you manage to get back?”
“She wasn’t completely dead. She had one energy crystal that I was able to recharge that enabled me to fire the ship back up. Another problem is that she doesn’t function in this universe like she does in ours. Energies are different.”
“Ok, so now what?”
“I need to see where we are.”
“How are you going to do that? The ship’s not working, none of the computers are functioning, how are we possibly going to determine anything?” She was almost hysterical.
“Open the door,” he said calmly.
“Oh!” Clara said, a bit dumbstruck.
Clara walked over to the door and opened it. She was expecting to find some alien landscape. Instead she was completely shocked.
“We are on Earth?” she asked.
“Yes and no.” he replied.
“Are we on a parallel Earth?”
“If I did this right, yes.”
“Ok, where on ‘parallel Earth’ are we?”
They both stepped out of the TARDIS. The wind whipped their clothing and the smell of the sea permeated the air.
“A beach in Norway…” The Doctor sighed.