Chapter Text
I spent a lot of time in my apartment after the tsunami, At the request of my doctors and my family.
And, Eddie started leaving Christopher with me. I guess because I was the only person available after Darla went on vacation
“Thanks again buck, he really loves spending time with you”
Eddie said, patting me on the shoulder
“Are you kidding? I should be thanking you, I get to hang out with Cristopher”
“how was today?” He asked closing the door behind him
“It was good, he passed out in the couch when we were watching finding Nemo”
“Your ability to get him to sleep never fails to impress me”
He smiled and I laughed
“Did he have a hard time with the rain?”
“Nah, he fell asleep before it really kicked up”
“That’s good, it’s supposed to storm for a few days and I’m worried how he’s gonna handle it”
“It is?”
I didn’t realize how worried I sounded until I saw the concern on his face.
“Hey, don’t worry” He put his hand on my arm trying to comfort me
“It’s nothing to worry about, just a small storm”
“No yeah- of course it is, I’m not worried”
I said, unconvincingly
“…okay. But if you want to stay with us for a few days I’m sure Christopher would love it”
He walked over to where Christopher was sleeping
“That’s alright, thanks though.”
“Oh! Darla called earlier, she said she’s coming back early and that she can watch him again starting tomorrow.”
“Okay, well if you ever need me to watch him tell me?”
“Of course Buck, you’re part of the family”
He said before leaning down to pickup Christopher
Hearing him say that like it was the only possible response made my heart skip a beat.
“C’mon buddy.” He said with a groan, lifting Christopher in his arms.
I opened the door for him and shut it behind us once we got into the hall.
“I’ll walk you down and get the car door.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it’s no biggie.”
I followed them downstairs and out into the rain
Once he got Christopher in and buckled he shut the door.
“If you need anything call me.”
“I’m fine Eddie.”
“I’m serious Buck. I don’t care what it is or what time it is.”
He hugged me then walked around to get in the front seat.
“Goodnight Diaz.”
“night Buck.”
He drove off and I quickly went back up to my apartment.
Despite the rain, It didn’t take long before I fell asleep. That is, until the thunder started.
I woke up in a panic at the sound of thunder, my heart beating out of my chest, so I sat up in bed in attempt to catch my breath, my chest getting tighter and tighter
With the panic rising my chest, I couldn’t think straight. unable to calm down I reached for my phone to call Eddie. But I stopped myself, I couldn’t put that on him, I couldn’t be more of a burden than I already was.
So I went downstairs and sat in front of the tv, which I turned up as loud as I could and
I spent the next couple days on the couch doing that to drown out the sound of the storm or passed out.
The storm was still raging three days later, by then my fridge was nearly empty and I had drank most of the alcohol in the apartment.
I spent most of the day following my new routine of sleeping and watching tv and drinking to calm myself.
Then Maddie came by unannounced, with three overflowing bags of groceries.
She barged in, as I opened the door, pushing past me to put the groceries down.
“No, please make yourself at home” I said sarcastically, gesturing vaguely.
She ignored me and continued unpacking the groceries angrily
“Why are you here?” I asked, bitterly
“Why are you skipping therapy?” She retorted, twice as bitter
“Doesn’t that breach doctor patient confidentiality” I groaned
“No. She called me because you’ve been ignoring her calls and texts”
Her arms were crossed and she had her “done with your bullshit” expression on her face.
“Yeah well, I’m a big boy and I can take care of myself so you can leave”
She pinched the bridge of her nose
“I can’t deal with this right now.” She then grabbed her coat and promptly left, slamming the door behind herself.
And the immediate relief I felt was accompanied by an even worse sense of regret.
I left the bags on the counter and dragged myself up the stairs to my bed. I laid there for hours, unable to sleep but with no reason to get up. I only finally drifted off around midnight, before the storm got really bad.
Then
\BOOM!/
I shot straight up in bed, in a cold sweat and out of breath. As the panic grew in my chest I reached for my phone and called the first person that came to mind
Eddie answered after the second ring, groggily
“Hello?”
Shit. I shouldn’t have called him.
“…Hey Eddie”
I could hear him quickly sit up before speaking, his tone concerned
“Buck? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
Hearing his voice brought me an instant feeling of calm, helping me get some control of my breathing
“Nothing, sorry, I’m fine”
\BOOM!/
I flinched at the sound, my heart reacting even quicker
“Evan, what’s wrong?”
I took a deep breath, relieved I was finally able to.
“I just got spooked, I’m okay really”
“Spooked by what?”
“…The thunder”
I admitted
“Buck…”
He said with a softer, almost pitiful tone
“It’s fine, I only almost had a panic attack”
“I’ll be over in five minutes”
He said, before I heard a bunch of shuffling and moving.
“Ed, you don’t have to do that. I’m fine”
I protested
“I know I don’t have to, I want to. Carla’s here, she can stay with Cristopher until I get back”
“Why’s she there?”
“She came over for dinner and fell asleep, must be tired from traveling. I’ll go talk to her, just stay on the phone I’ll be back in a second”
I heard his footsteps followed by muffled conversation as I sat there in the dark, trying to ignore the sound of the heavy rain on the roof when all of a sudden
\BOOM!/
My whole body tensed up at the sound
“You still okay?”
Eddie asked immediately after
“Yup.”
I said, trying to sound calm
“…okay, I’m on my way now but I’m gonna stay on the phone till I start driving okay?”
“I’m not gonna be able to talk you out of this you am I?”
“Not a chance”
I heard his door shut behind him
“Did you call your therapist yet?”
“No, I just called you”
“Well you should probably call her, she knows how to help you better than I do”
“Talking to you helps me”
I said, only realizing how vulnerable it was after I said it
He stayed silent for a second
“…really?”
“Of course…”
After a few seconds of awkward silence I decided to correctly myself
“I mean, you’re my best friend- of course you help me…dude”
After another awkward silence I heard his car engine turn over.
“I’ll be over in a few minutes, hold tight okay?”
“I’m not going anywhere”
He hung up and I sat in my bed in the dark trying to stay calm.
The rain loud and intrusive and anxiety inducing.
So I stayed there, spiraling until I heard a knock. after which I basically ran to the door, stumbling down the stairs and finally standing up before opening the door.
“…you okay?”
Eddie asked, the worry on his face obvious.
“Yeah, why?”
“You look like shit.”
He said, like it hurt him
“…I’m fine, just tired.”
“Have you been getting enough sleep?”
“Yeah.” I lied, poorly.
“Let’s try this again, have you been getting enough sleep?”
He asked sarcastically
“…not really. The uh, the thunder woke me up” I said, more than a little embarrassed.
“I get it, Cristopher hates the rain now too”
He said, walking inside
“Did you call your therapist after I hung up?”
He asked, clearly expecting the answer I was about to give.
“…no”
He gave me a disapproving look
“You’re gonna do that, but don’t worry about it for now. You’re staying with me and Cristopher until the storm passes”
He said as though it was obvious
“What? No. I’m a grown man, it’s just a storm”
“Yeah, it’s just the first storm since you almost died in a tsunami a few weeks ago”
He said blankly
“This isn’t the first storm in my life and it’s definitely not gonna be the last, I’m not always gonna be able to count on you.”
I argued
He leaned back a little, looking hurt.
“Why not?”
“What?”
I asked, confused
“Why wouldn’t you be able to count on me?”
“Because…”
It didn’t make sense, why did he think he would be there?
He waited for me to finish a sentence I didn’t have.
“Because what?”
“Because, Eddie! I’ve never been able to count on anyone, even my own family, why would that change now?”
I stood up and backed away, my heart pounding
“Why would it be different? Just because I’m more fucked up now?”
He stood up, I couldn’t stand to look at him, I couldn’t breathe.
“…what?”
My stomach hurt, my heart was pounding and I had an awful headache
“You should go”
“No buck, we’re gonna talk about what you just said”
He said stepping closer
I stepped back
“I’m serious, you need to leave”
“I care about you Evan, I’m not gonna let you isolate yourself because you’re scared of being abandoned”
“Quit acting like you’re better than me Eddie, we both know you’ve got your own bullshit”
“Grow up Buck”
He said bitterly before grabbing his jacket
“And call your therapist”
he left in silence, and after feeling sorry for myself and for a while I grabbed the bottle of wine Maddie had given me and went back to my bed, chugging it like water.