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"Hey, Mike,"
Michael grunts and swats the source of the noise away, turning over onto his other side. Go away. Whatever you are, go away.
"Mike ." The thing prods him again, and turns over again to lie flat on his stomach.
"What the fuck is it?" He growls. "And who the fuck are you?"
"Michael, it's me," the familiar deep, melodic voice he fell in love with says.
"Is it?" It could be anyone from Luke to Lady Gaga. Michael doesn't care. Anyone that wakes him up prematurely is an enemy. Even if it's his angel of a boyfriend, or even if it's Lady Gaga. Well, honestly, Lady Gaga would probably be forgiven once. Just once, though.
"Yes?" The answer comes out maybe more puzzled, than anything else. "Who else would it be?"
"Oh, I don't know," he smothers his face with a pillow, trying to tune out Luke's normally ethereal voice, which is nothing but an annoying insect-like buzz to him now. "Lady fucking Gaga. Or maybe just the mailman. Go away."
"But Mike -"
"Luke, I love you and all, but fuck off. Let. Me. Sleep."
"Luke ?" The voice sounds even more confused now. "Who's Luke?"
Michael giggles drowsily at that. "You're Luke, aren't you?"
"I'm not?"
"But you just said you were!" God fucking dammit, if Luke's going to mess with his head early in the morning, Michael might as well break up with him. Oh, well. Now that he's been annoyed the shit out of, waking up seems like the only feasible option. He sighs resignedly and pushes himself into a sitting position. Oh. Fucking hell. It really isn’t Luke. It’s his roommate, Calum. And Calum doesn’t know about Luke, because Michael met Luke in college. They also broke up just before graduation, so Michael’s had no reason to tell Calum about him.
“Oh- hey, Calum.” He smiles sheepishly up at his roommate. “Sorry, I thought you were… uh, someone else.”
“Happy Birthday!!” Calum grabs a fistful of confetti from a bowl he’s holding and throws it up in the air. Michael smiles weakly. Calum’s overflowing enthusiasm for even the most irrelevant occasions (World Fart Day, for example) is endearing, but reminds him of Luke. and he hasn’t really thought of Luke in a while. Occasionally, Google Photos will show him a memory from college and Michael will tear up at the thought of being with Luke, but he’s let go now. He let go of Luke a long time ago, and let go of any hope of being with him again. But he hasn’t exactly fully gotten over Luke yet. Not since that awful night. He claims to have, but he knows he hasn’t.
No, Michael thinks firmly. No Luke thoughts today. Today’s your birthday. Enjoy it.
“Thanks, mate,” he says, leaning into Calum’s open arms for a quick hug before clambering off the bed. He turns to look at Calum with a wry smile. “You’re cleaning that up,” he points accusingly at the tousled sheets riddled with confetti, and Calum just laughs and gives him a thumbs-up.
“So, who’s Luke?” he asks, his brown eyes wide in curiosity.
“Huh?” Michael pretends not to understand. He doesn’t want to talk about Luke. Not today.
Calum’s become a great friend of Michael’s in the two years they’ve lived together. Calum’s sweet, caring, laid-back, cooks great food, works out but doesn’t force Michael to; everything one could really ask for. And while he’s not nosy, per se, he doesn’t really poke his nose into your business, but he’s incredibly inquisitive. Sometimes, if he catches on to something, he won’t let go until it’s all laid out in front of him. Which can be a little troublesome.
“This Luke you were mumbling about in your sleep. Who is he?” Calum cocks his head to the side, blinking innocently. He’s not rubbing anything in, Michael knows. He’s just genuinely curious.
“My ex,” he sighs. “We dated for a few years in college.”
Calum’s eyes widen further. “So, the same Luke that just wished you on Instagram?”
What?
“Wh-What?” Michael stutters, caught completely off-guard. “How do you- How do you know?”
“I mean, your phone chimed a couple minutes before you woke up, so I caught the name on the notification. I don’t know what he wrote, though.”
“I- I’m…” Luke wished him a happy birthday? Why? After they’ve been incommunicado for almost four years now? Why this year? Why not the last, or the year before? He unplugs his phone from the charger with trembling hands and stares at the black screen for a moment, unable to believe what he’s just going to see. With all his willpower, he opens Instagram to see if Calum’s really seen the right Luke. Then, again, he doesn’t know any other Luke.
Fuck. Fucking hell. Holy shit. There it is. It’s a post . Not just a story, but a post. There’s an old picture of Luke and Michael from senior year, right before things went downhill; Luke standing there in swimming trunks, soaking wet with a towel slung across his neck, beaming as he holds up three gold medals while Michael’s climbed onto his back (fully clothed, he doesn’t swim) and he's poking his head out from behind Luke.
‘Happy Birthday, @mikeclifford. You’ve been a constant pillar of support and a source of comedy through some of the most confusing years in my life. We had some great times together, and here’s hoping you’re out there somewhere, thinking of me as you read this. Have a good one, mate.
Cheers.’
Michael bites his lip, trying his hardest not to well up. He can feel the warmth of Calum’s breath against his neck. He’s aware he’s reading all this, too. He winces as he hears Calum gasp sharply. Oh, no. It’s coming. He knows it is. It’s inevitable.
“You used to date Luke Hemmings?” Calum asks, dumbfounded. “From 5 Seconds Of Summer?”
There it is. 5 Seconds Of Summer, the band Luke formed with two other blokes in their junior year. They’ve been doing really well for themselves, ever since graduation. Michael’s tried his hardest to ignore the band’s progress over the last few years, but something always pops up in his feed, and he finds himself sucked back into the dizzying vortex of Luke, Luke, Luke. No matter how hard he forces himself to be indifferent to the band because his ex is in it, he can’t deny that they’re actually really good. How ironic that the most honest lyrics he’s ever heard just happen to be the ones that come tumbling out of Luke’s lips.
Michael nods numbly. “Yeah, that- that’s him.”
“Fuck.” Calum exhales loudly. “I fucking love that band. You know I do. How come you never told me?”
Yep, Calum’s crazy about Luke’s band, or 5SOS, as they’re called.
“Slipped my mind, I guess,” he mumbles.
“Well, aren’t you going to reply?” Calum is practically bouncing up and down in excitement. He’s probably right, though. Michael should reply. Wait, why should ? He’s not obligated to or anything. Besides, it’s Luke that decided to just cut all contact with Michael once he had a taste of fame, so why should Michael be the one crawling back to him after one birthday wish?
He shrugs. “I don’t know, man.”
“Oh, but you should!” Calum thrusts Michael’s phone into his hands. “Just- you know, see if there’s something left there?”
“Trust me. There’s nothing left.”
“But what if there is?”
“It was a long time ago, Cal. He’s moved on. I’ve moved on. He’s famous. I’m stalling the landlord. There’s absolutely nothing left between us.”
“No harm in hoping, is there?” Calum snatches the phone out of Michael’s hands and types out a reply.
Thank you <3
“NOT THE HEART!” Michael yelps. “Not the heart, Calum, are you out of your fucking mind?” He reaches for the phone but Calum holds it away from him.
“Okay, okay. Jeez.” Calum deletes the heart emoticon, and adds an exclamation mark instead. Michael glares viciously, so Calum hastily removes that too. He settles for no punctuation, and despite repeated protests from Michael, hits send. Michael groans, reaching out to delete it, but Calum buries the phone in the waistband of his shorts.
“ Why did you do that ?” He screeches.
“Because you refused to. Someone had to do it.” Calum is smiling smugly, like he’s just cured cancer. Fuck him. Fuck this. Fuck Luke. Fuck everybody.
“Hey, I was just trying to help,” Calum reasons, trying to placate a fuming Michael.
“No one asked you to,” he snaps. “Luke was the one who left me for fame. Why does he suddenly remember I exist? Why this birthday? Where was he all these years?”
Despite himself, Michael feels the urge to burst into tears, but bites down on his lip, hard, to stop it from happening. They were in love, dammit. In. Love. Does Luke even know what that means? Leaving your boyfriend to tour the world isn’t what someone in love does. Did Luke really not mean it when he used to say it to him every single day? Did Luke not know how much Michael loved (loves?) him back? Like, real love?
He sighs shakily. This is not the time for all this. He shouldn’t be all bitter about his ex, who has been his ex for four years now. Four years is a long, long time. He’s shaken out of his thoughts as his phone dings with a new notification. It’s a message. From- From him.
luke.h_5sos: Michael! Happy Birthday!
Michael recoils at the cheerful tone of the message, like Luke’s the happiest he’s ever been. Which… Which is a good thing. It’s- a very, very good thing. Fantastic. Super. Hesitantly, he types back.
mikeclifford: Oh, hey. Thanks.
To his surprise, Luke starts typing back almost instantly. Calum advances, curious, but Michael holds out a hand to stop him. This is… a private conversation. Intimate. He thinks of the last time he saw Luke in person, his spiky, quiffy blonde hair starting to grow out in soft curls, his lithe swimmer’s build clad in a hoodie and skinny jeans; sincere blue eyes piercing into Calum, carefully analysing every thought that lives in there, and a bashful, shy smile stretching out over soft pink lips, causing two delicate dimples to bloom, one on either side. Michael really hasn’t bothered to look up Luke’s appearance at present, more because he’s not ready for whatever he’s going to see, no matter how badly he wants to see what Luke looks like now. Oh, look. New message!
luke.h_5sos: so… it’s been a while. How are you? What’s happened all these years?
Wow. He’s going right in for it. Michael thought he just remembered Michael’s birthday, and just put out a post, because, why not? What’s it going to hurt anyway, the guy’s famous. But he seems intent on prying his way back into Michael’s life. Alright, that’s enough bitterness. Just- maybe he’s just trying to reconnect? Don’t exes do that sometimes? It doesn’t always mean that they want to fuck, does it? Maybe he’s just… being nice. Nothing wrong with that, is there?
Hesitantly, he reverts his glance to the screen. What does Luke look like now? What kind of person is he behind the safety of the screen, behind the mask he dons in front of an audience? Is he still still the same awkward, fidgety boy he knew back in college, squeamishly modest about his massive talent and always the first to throw his arms around anyone who looked like they were having a bad day. Or has he grown into an asshole celebrity with an inflated head and an ego the size of an elephant, indifferent to his fans, with a filthy mouth? Who is he now? He draws in a deep breath. What could he possibly say?
mikeclifford: Nothing much, honestly. Scraping rent together, cursing my boss… the usual
luke.h_5sos: Haha well not for me :laughing emoji:
mikeclifford: Ah, of course. How’s that going? How are you?
luke.h_5sos: I’ve never been happier. The band’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Never been happier. He’s never been happier. Luke’s never been happier. Without him. Is this a silent I’m better off without you, so fuck off? What is he implying? Was this whole birthday wish thing a ruse to rub his fame in Michael’s face? As Michael’s lost in thought, he doesn’t notice another message waiting for him.
luke.h_5sos: Fuck. I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I didn’t mean any of that.
Oh. Well. That’s a bit of the old Luke. Michael allows a small smile.
mikeclifford: Don’t be. You have every right to boast. You earned it.
luke.h_5sos: Have I also earned an excuse to meet you? I’m in town this week.
Michael’s heart is in his throat. Luke’s… in town? His glamorous celebrity ex-boyfriend is in town, and wants to see him? Maybe in a casual, friendly, non romantic way? Nothing wrong with that. It’s still a bad idea.
mikeclifford: I don’t know. I kinda have some stuff planned out for today
Lies. LIES. All big, fat lies. Michael has nothing planned. Absolutely nothing but-
luke.h_5sos: Netflix binge marathon, pizza, booze, pizza?
Touché. Michael almost breaks out into a grin, when he remembers that they’re exes. Luke’s his ex of four years now. How does he still remember?
mikeclifford: Guilty. Surprised you still remember.
luke.h_5sos: I could never forget.
That sentence hangs in the air for sometime, warm, nostalgic. Luke says there’s no way he can forget. That means, Michael must still mean something to him, right? His skin is buzzing with excitement as he stares at the words on his screen. Something pleasant churns in his heart. Wistful tears swim in his eyes, threatening to fall over, pattering onto the screen. There’s nothing left to say. The conversation has come to a natural end, and there’s nothing Michael can say further without making it awkward. He’s just about to close the app when yet another message makes an appearance.
luke.h_5sos: So… Brunch? My treat?
A flicker of hope lights up in Michael's chest, sending a warm, positive buzz throughout. Luke sounds sincere. How sincere he really is, Michael won't know till he meets him in person. But he's willing to give it a shot. After all, that's the least you can do for the person you love. Maybe they could be Michael and Luke again. Probably not lovers, but friends. This could be a fresh start. Something new. Something different. For the first time in Michael's life, a do-over doesn't seem like the worst idea.