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Johnny's chest has always felt weirdly hollow, like a part of him is missing or has been taken away; Johnny's dreams have always been that way too. For as long as he can remember, he has dreamed of a mountainous landscape, bright green forests covering its valleys and a crystal clear river snaking through them. When he sleeps, his chest doesn't feel as hollow. He feels warm and at ease between the boats sailing on the water, free and happy soaring through the rocky peaks like an eagle. He just wishes he could feel the same way when he's awake.
He has tried finding that place many times, but google can only go so far. There's plenty of locations with rocks and trees and rivers in the world, and they never feel right. His parents have told him it's probably a fantasy landscape he came up with after reading too many comics, and he has gone so long without a name and coordinates that he has started believing them too. He just wishes missing a place that doesn't exist didn't make him feel physically ill some days.
And then the dreams stop. One day, out of the blue, he goes to sleep eager to feel at home once again in his dreams, but they don't come. He dreams of nothing that night, but when he wakes up he still feels incomplete. He doesn't even get the break that used to come at night, the warmth and peace from the memories of that place that used to carry him through the day isn't there anymore. He tries his best to get them back, tries sleep therapy, begs his group mates to hypnotize him (Taeyong throws him a concerned glance and pretends not to hear him; Jaehyun snickers and agrees right away), he even goes to see a specialist but there's no getting them back.
The dreams are gone but his heart still longs for that place, and the more he seeks it out the more it seems to fade from his memory. It's getting harder to recall just how high the mountain peaks were, how luscious the vegetation, how fresh the water. Sometimes he misses it so much it gets hard to breathe; his friends notice and pat his back, telling him that there's no way their company won't let them stop by in Chicago when they tour the US. It's not the grey chill of Chicago that he's homesick for, though.
"...and in the summer there's a boat festival. Thousands of them, sailing all together to the point where you can't even see the water anymore. You guys should totally come and see it! You'll have to get used to hiking, though, because we're not getting there with cars. Dejun, stop making that face, it's not like climbing an actual mountain - we can do that too by the way, there's plenty of them - it's a 50 minute walk at most..."
Johnny stops dead in his tracks. He knows that voice, he has heard it over and over, could recognize the soft tones of it and the accent even without peeking inside the practice room it's coming from. His heart has started beating uncontrollably, and he doesn't realize he has taken a step towards the door until his name gets called.
"Johnny hyung! We were just talking about our hometowns because we've been feeling a little homesick, would you like to join us? I know Ten has already seen Chicago, but we'd love to hear about it, right?" Yangyang asks him without raising his head from Renjun's lap.
Ten scoffs. "John's probably too busy to chat with us, and besides, I've already told you everything you need to know about Chicago. It was cold as balls and the wind was so loud I couldn't hear my thoughts."
"That's because you visited in winter Tennie, and my hometown has seasons, unlike yours. Sure I have time to sit down and talk for a bit! Where were you guys before I interrupted you?" he replies, trying his best to hide the anxiety and excitement running through his blood.
"Kun ge was telling us about Fujian."
He has known Kun for six years. His dreams stopped six years ago. He remembers the day they did, but he doesn't remember the day he met Kun. It was probably the same day. When Kun talks about Fujian with its misty mornings, traditional villages and shining waterfalls, Johnny's chest stops aching.
When Kun shows them a picture he took days before leaving for Korea, posing awkwardly in front of a camera with the subject of Johnny's dreams as background, Johnny understands.
When he's back at the dorm, heart rate back to a decent pace but head a jumbled mess of thoughts, he struggles with a text. His conversation history with Kun seems to mock him. It's just happy birthday texts, and Johnny realizes he has missed two years. He curses his past self, pretends what he's doing isn't weird and hits send.
Johnny takes him out to dinner once, with the excuse of talking photography. He reckons he could easily steer the conversation back to Fujian from there, but he doesn't need it.
It turns out that when he's with Kun his heart feels whole again. He forgets all about his plan and his goal because they're meaningless. Kun's kind voice and his goofy laugh and the way his dimples show when he smiles so warmly have the same effect on him as the mountains and the forests and the rivers. He's home.
They hang out once, then twice, then Kun takes him hiking on Seoraksan for an on field photography masterclass. Johnny invites him to his dorm and shows him his favorite movie. Kun cooks for him, and it's food from his hometown and Johnny has never tasted anything so good before. The praises go straight to Kun's cheeks, dusting them a peachy pink, and it's right there in the tiny dorm kitchen, Ten's cats meowing at his feet, that he can't hold it in anymore. He places a quick kiss on Kun's lips, as gentle as possible while trying to contain the cacophony of feelings inside his chest. The pink on Kun's cheeks turns deeper, and his dimples cut through it.
"I thought it was all in my head," Kun whispers inches away from his mouth. He's smiling earnestly, and Johnny can't help but match him with a twin grin. "Trust me baby, I thought so too."