Work Text:
Closure
“Thank you for agreeing to see me.”
“Of course,” replied Nikki, perched on her window seat, her fingers playing with a cushion on her lap. Matt was sat across from her on the sofa, his face void of the easy smile and the twinkle in his eyes she had first fallen for. Instead, the set frown she had become accustomed to on video calls over the last months of their relationship was present.
“I didn’t want it to end, for us to end,” said Matt.
“You understand that it couldn’t continue though,” grimaced Nikki. “We weren’t happy.”
“I was.”
“Were you?” asked Nikki shrewdly. “You were either distant on calls or you’d end them abruptly, you cancelled flights last minute. How can you say you were happy when we barely spoke to each other anymore?”
“I was busy, Nikki.”
“We’ve always been busy.”
“I know, I was-”
“You were closed off, Matt,” interrupted Nikki. “In a long-distance relationship talking was all we had. If you weren’t going to talk to me then what else was there?”
“I’m to blame for everything, then?”
“No of course not. I could have tried harder to get through to you. Be more persistent. I stopped trying just as much as you did. The kinder thing to have done would have been to have this conversation months ago.”
“We never addressed the situation, Nikki,” said Matt, grabbing her hand suddenly making her jump slightly. His hand felt foreign to her now. “Maybe it’s unfair to both of us to not try and fix things. We can try to be more present, more interactive in each other’s lives again and see if things improve. We’ll schedule more visits and stick to them.”
“That’s not what I want,” said Nikki softly, removing her hand from his. “It shouldn’t have to have to come to this to make changes. Matt, we broke up seven weeks ago and you’re only just wanting to have this conversation. If you truly wanted to have another go at our relationship then you’d have flown over straight away.”
“I wanted to,” exclaimed Matt. “Believe me, if I could have dropped everything to be with you then I would have.”
“Exactly, in a moment of crisis it took seven weeks for you to fly over, how would you ever be able to prioritise our relationship?”
“You have a busy job too, Nikki, and I have never held it against you.”
“I know I have, Matt, and I know you haven’t,” agreed Nikki. “That’s the problem, our priority isn’t each other and we were okay with that.”
Matt sighed and took a moment to let what she said sink in. Nikki watched him as he glanced around the room, fiddling with the zip on the cushion cover.
“Something seems different about your place,” commented Matt, changing the subject. “It looks emptier somehow.”
Nikki understood what he meant. The room was devoid of any of her usual daily detritus. No jacket flung over the back of the sofa, no half-read book on the coffee table, no empty teacups scattered around. It felt colder. Less lived in. That was because she had barely been home since waking up on Jack’s couch. His wardrobe now contained half of hers, the book she was currently reading was on the floor next to the armchair in his living room, her items distributed around his house weaving between the Hodgson’s as though they belonged there.
“I’ve not been home much,” said Nikki honestly.
“Oh.”
“Nothing happened whilst we were still together,” said Nikki quickly. “I wouldn’t do that to you, I hope that despite what happened between us, you understand that.”
Matt nodded. “I have no reason to disbelieve you. Are you happy?”
“Yes,” answered Nikki, not being able to contain the smile spreading across her face. “I am.”
“I’m glad of that at least,” said Matt, giving her a small smile back that didn’t quite reach his dark brown eyes. “I hope he loves you as much as I did, more so even.”
“Thank you. I want the same for you as well, Matt, you deserve someone to make you happy. Someone that lives in the same country for starters!”
Matt chuckled dryly. “It would probably help.”
“You were what I needed in a scary time of my life, Matt, I can’t thank you enough for being a big part of me getting through it,” said Nikki sincerely. “I am sorry that what we had didn’t make it.”
“I am too,” replied Matt gently. “This talk hasn’t gone the way I wanted it to but I’m glad we had it, that we didn’t have our last goodbye over the phone.”
“Me too.”
Matt stood up. “There’s probably nothing else we need to say.”
“I’ll see you out then,” said Nikki, standing as well and following him into the hallway to the front door. She held it opened for him and accepted his brief, polite hug.
“Just one question,” said Matt, as he stood on her doorstep, turning back to face her.
“Yes?”
“Is it Jack?”
Nikki’s mouth fell open momentarily in faint surprise before she nodded. “It is.”
Matt swallowed. “That’s… that’s good. I know he’ll always keep you safe.”
“Yeah, he will.”
“Goodbye, Nikki,” called out Matt, as he walked away from her one last time.
“Bye,” said Nikki, as she shut her front door, resting her palm firmly against it. She shuddered as a thick arm snaked around her waist. “I was right, you didn’t have anything to worry about.”
“He wanted you back,” murmured Jack, as he planted kisses along the crook of her neck. “I’d say that was something to worry about.”
She snaked her arm up, grasping the back of his head, letting her fingers plunge into his dark hair. “Still nothing to worry about, Jack. All I want is you.”
A moment later, the arm around her waist had spun her around and pressed her back flat against the door. She was trapped by the weight of him thrust against her, his two palms leaning on the door on either side of her head.
“It makes me angry how he treated you, that you weren’t ranked top in his thoughts at all times,” said Jack softly, resting his forehead against hers. “It’s so hard to imagine because you’re in my head constantly.” He grabbed one of her hands and held it against his chest. “In here too.”
“Don’t be angry, it led me to you,” said Nikki, squeezing his hand. “Everything worked out the way it was supposed to. Now it’s time you took me home, Jack.”