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He's going to be fine. He's going to be fine. Stop worrying. Stop shivering. He'll be fine.
No matter ho many times Levi repeated those words, he couldn't so much as sit back in his chair. He was terrified, terrified he might never get to see those bright blue eyes again, burning with tears and punching a hole in him. He slammed his head into his hands, how had this happened again? Everything was just going so fast, yelling and smashing glass, the quiet sound of the open fridge humming and the pop of a bottle opening. And then another. Then another.
Too many. That was how it had happened, he thought desperately. They were both not thinking straight, and then the stupid plate. It was just a broken plate, but both of them were set off easily, or maybe it had just been him, but that didn't matter. They'd both been mad.
It was probably just him.
Never mind that. Levi began racking his brain for how exactly everything had happened. It had been a "romantic" dinner, and by romantic that meant Erwin had made it in an attempt to justify what he had planned after. Just burnt spaghetti and beer really. And then Levi had been washing dishes, and he'd bumped into him from behind, making him drop one, shattering it. Why did he get angry so easily, it didn't matter, he wouldn't have done it if he'd known it would result in this.
Erwin groaned from next to him, and he jumped at the sudden noise, snapping his head to look and see if he'd woken up yet. It had been nearly three hours since they'd gotten there. The nurse had already come in several times to tell him visiting hours were over, but Levi hadn't budged.
What had happened next was he'd hit him in his fuzzy drunk state of mind, and Erwin had hit him back, until they were wrestling on the floor, snarling and ripping at each other. One second going at each other's necks, the next they'd bumped into the table-
Levi shut his eyes and tried to block out the sound of crystal thudding into Erwin's head, his eyes wide in shock. The vase had fallen off from the sudden jolt, and smashed over his skull, leaving him bleeding on the floor. He'd immediately dragged him to the car, strapped him down and sped off to the hospital. Erwin still hadn't moved since, though the beeping of the monitors reassured him somewhat.
He opened his eyes again to peek at him through his hands. The blood had been cleaned up, but he still looked shockingly pale, and he breathed shallowly through his mouth. He hadn't moved either since they wheeled him into this room, he'd watched them stick him up with needles and pick glass shards out of his forehead. He'd been there to watch the doctors x-ray him and he'd been there when they'd pointed out the worrisome crack that spiderwebbed across the pictures.
Levi slumped forwards again, eyes heavy. It was past one in the morning, but he forced himself to remain as alert as possible. Finally he dozed off in his chair, still tearing weakly at his hair, trying to atone for what he'd done.
The nurse found him an hour later, and simply drew the curtain around the compartment for the little privacy it had to offer.
Blinking tiredly, he opened his eyes. It felt like he'd been asleep forever, like he'd just come out of limbo. The windows were both dark, so it must have been night. He looked around himself, confused, until he froze in complete fear.
Why was he in a hospital?
He looked to his side, hoping for a hint as to what had happened, and he didn't recognize the unshaven black-haired body that was curled in a chair next to the bed like a cat. He didn't recognize anything. He couldn't remember how he'd gotten there, and his growing anxiety only grew steadily stronger when he realized he couldn't remember anything at all.
It was only because of his distressed whines that someone out in the hallway bothered to poke their head in to check on them. "Everything alright?" the doctor asked calmly. She was petite and thin, but looked like she was also very tough. Her caramel skin contrasted against the plain white of everything else.
He shook his head, looking around frantically. "I don't know where I am. I don't know what's going on. How long have I been here?"
"Give me a minute. I'll be right back." She took note of the room and walked away, leaving him to deal with the intolerable silence. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she came back, a clipboard clutched loosely in her left hand.
"It seems like you are a relatively new patient, which is good," she began. "The fact you're awake is already a bright start. Oh, I nearly forgot," she smiled kindly, "my name is Dr. Buhi. Now, from the information I could scrape up quickly, you were hospitalized nearly four days ago. You came in with this man," she said, gesturing to the sleeping figure, "and you were unconscious. X-rays showed us you had a fairly major skull fracture, and could be suffering from possible memory loss. Again, this gentleman said it was from a vase falling on your head." She paused, "Do you remember who you are?" She peered over the clipboard at him.
He shook his head. "I have no idea."
Readjusting her seat, she looked back to the clipboard. "You were registered under the name of Erwin Smith, and we can't be certain those were the exact reasons you were brought here, but right now it's the most likely lead we have." She glanced at the man again. "Maybe he can help us. Either way, he hasn't left the hospital in that time, and I would know since I was assigned to look at you."
Erwin swallowed nervously. "Alright. Do you mind leaving so I can sort myself out please?"
"Certainly." Dr. Buhi stood up. "Just yell loudly enough and I'm certain someone will come running," she winked, walking out of the room.
"Thank you," he murmured after her, though it was doubtable she heard him. Sitting up straight, he nearly massaged the side of his head, then decided that was a bad idea if he didn't know where the fracture was. Looking back to the tiny figure snoring by his side, he grit his teeth and decided on waking him up.
"Hey," he shook him lightly, to no response. "Hey!" Finally, the person shifted, looking up at him through hollow eyes, before they widened in awe
"Erwin!" he hissed, before throwing his arms around his neck. "You're awake!"
"Yeah." He didn't have the heart to say anything else until he moved back. Staring him up and down as he sat cross-legged in the chair, he cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
He felt everything freeze dead in its tracks when he saw the pure horror that flashed on his face.
"What do you mean do you know me? I'm your boyfriend," he said. "Stop kidding around," he laughed, but there was a hint of insecurity in his voice.
"I'm gay?" he asked, almost surprised, then waved his hands. "No no, never mind that, how am I dating you if I don't even know your name?" Erwin asked himself, startled. He saw the pained look in his partner's eyes as he said it, and almost immediately regretted saying anything.
"I said stop fucking around. Haven't you been dating me for years now? You know my name's Levi, " His voice stayed the same, but there was an odd twitch that was added to his expression,
"..right?"
Erwin said nothing.
"Right?" Levi had begun to tremble dangerously. Strangely, all Erwin could think was how the stubble didn't suit him at all, until he remembered it was his fault he was unshaven. Which made him wonder how he himself was clean-shaven. The only possible answer was buried quickly by his tiny remaining shrivel of pride.
"I'm sorry," he said, forcing the apologetic tone into his voice. "I don't know who you are, or anyone else. I don't even remember how I got here." Levi looked downwards again, his face angry, and Erwin felt his heart shrink even more. "Please don't be hurt."
"I'm not hurt over you!" he screamed suddenly. "I'm mad at myself! The fact you're here and can't remember shit is my fault, and I refuse to accept that as being ok!"
Erwin drew himself backwards; he'd never said it was ok, and he was liking this little punk less and less with the more they spoke. "It's not, you asshole! I don't like this any more than you, being chucked near-blind into a life I don't know! But for three goddamn seconds would you pull yourself together and explain this to me?!"
Levi looked dark. There was no other way to describe the pure hatred in his eyes. Erwin was almost half-certain it was meant for him too.
"We got in a fight. We were drunk. You hit your head on the table, and that knocked a vase we had put on it loose. It cracked your skull and I drove you here." He didn't include the part where he was fighting tears viciously while he watched them peel crystal out of his face.
"So that's it then?" Erwin asked simply, not meeting his glare. "Still going with that crap story?
"Yes." His expression was impassive.
"Fine," he grunted. "Could you get out then? I think I need some time to myself." He closed his eyes and listened to the chair grind across the floor, followed by the clack of shoes on tile. They paused at the door.
"I'll be at home then, getting some sleep."
His eyes snapped open. "We live together?"
"Yes. Though the way you're acting might just have convinced me to change that."
Levi slammed the door shut behind him, leaving a silence that spoke volumes more that any of the insubstantial words used seconds beforehand. All Erwin could force himself to do was grunt and roll over on the bed again.