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The drive home was long and dark, and Levi didn't stop the whole time. He probably would have lost his licence if anyone had seen him drive through every red light or stop sign. But, it was, after all, past four in the morning, nobody was anywhere at this time of night.
He walked up the stairs rather than taking the elevator. Stairs were.. Simple. Easy to get the hang of, and you were in total control. An elevator could drop off the hook at any moment.
Levi liked to pretend he was the stairs and Erwin was the elevator, but he knew that wasn't true.
At the moment, Erwin had every right to be pissed, specifically since he'd lost his memory. Levi must have been insane to even hope he'd wake up fine; if it was him, who couldn't remember shit, he doubted he'd love the person who'd done it to him too. Even a platonic like would have been pushing it.
He unlocked the door and stepped inside, only to notice the fucking vase was still on the floor, half of it still intact while the rest was scattered around the room. Feeling a sudden surge of anger, he kicked it across the floor. It thudded into the wall, cracking again, and Levi just walked over, continuing his kicking all the while. He felt a stab of pain ripple through his foot, but he ignored it until all that was left of the blasted thing was dust.
Heaving his shoulders, he finally looked down at the bloody remains of his boot, and ripped it off to see the scarred, shredded skin beneath it. There was probably glass in his foot now, but he couldn't have cared less. A large sharp piece jutted out of the now red-black leather, and had torn his sock from the tip of the toe to the ankle. Swearing, he went into the bathroom and opened the tap of the the tub until it had maybe two inches of warm water at the deepest part. While that was filling, he poured peroxide on the cuts, flinching as they bubbled painfully.
Slipping his mangled toes into the warm water, he tensed up as they stung again, reflecting on all the stupid things he'd done lately. Like leaving the hospital for instance. Why didn't he stay and make Erwin's stupid ass listen to him? Of course, he might be a totally different person than before, but Levi doubted that. Even from the colder side of his personality, he'd seemed the same. Sighing, he watched the bathwater turn crimson and thought instead about how he would explain and fix everything once he got-
Home.
Erwin didn't know how to get home.
Levi was calmer than he'd expected after that realization. It was like his body had just had enough of being stressed, and decided it wasn't going to get antsy over any kind of shit that was thrown at it anymore, thank you very much. He collected his thoughts and pulled his foot out of the bath, bandaging it quickly.
Walking over to their bedroom, he carefully avoided any kind of glass shards, and put on a pair of Erwin's slippers. They were cutesy little bunnies, gaudy old things he'd bought as a joke back for their first Valentine's Day together. Funnily enough he still wore them. Or at least he had until four days ago. It didn't matter, they were good enough protection from the glass. He swept it up quickly, scraping the green bits and pieces into the trashcan. and was about to reach for his boots when he remembered the state of them. Shaking his head for what seemed like the thousandth time, he decided to forget about it completely and ran back downstairs as fast as he could, rabbitfeet be damned.
"Thank you," Erwin repeated. He accepted the tray of breakfast happily, it was the first real food he'd gotten in four days after all. The nurses giggled, wandering off and chattering like a gaggle of schoolgirls. It was entertaining, how the person he supposedly dated had been so cold and emotionless, but these random people were warm enough to make him feel really loved. Ironic, really, he thought as he sipped at the soup, then gagged at the taste. His brain said spit it out, but his stomach took it and held it down firmly, demanding more.
Drinking it straight out of the bowl, he downed the last gulp, coughing, before he started on what was hopefully a better main course. It wasn't, but he was starving, so to some extent, that made it more edible. If he hadn't been, he probably wouldn't have gotten this far anyways.
Which brought him back in a circle to his original point; the coma. Nobody else was calling it that, just an "abnormally long period of unconsciousness," but he wasn't stupid. The real reason nobody called it that was to avoid sending him into an even worse state of shock. Personally, Erwin would have preferred if he knew the details and was terrified than if he had no idea what was going on. Why were they serving soup for breakfast anyways?
But, the doctors didn't seem to agree, and so he was left to guess in the dark at what was really happening. He pushed the remainder of the food away, full enough to take the edge off the hunger and full enough to know he was going to hurl if he took another bite of the disgusting meal. Lying back on the bed, he closed his eyes to sleep, but didn't get the chance before the doorway exploded.
There was a tall -no, actually quite short- man in the doorframe, and he looked like he'd been driven to insanity and back. It took a moment for him to register this was the same man who he'd woken up next to, same raven hair, same clothes, same everything. All that was different was he looked like a mess, and he appeared to be wearing slippers, one of which soaked in blood.
"Uh, hi?" he said cautiously. "I thought you were going home?"
"I did." Erwin was having trouble remembering his name again, it was Logan, Lewis, Lenard, something like that. Leif, maybe? Whatever it was, he had a dark look in his eyes when he looked up again. "I came back when I remembered you don't know how to get home."
"Who said I was coming home anytime soon, if at all?" Erwin asked, eyes narrowing. "Maybe I want to move out."
"I don't give a shit. You'd have to come home between now and then anyways, so you might as well pretend to be happy about it." Levi was done with trying to be understanding; he didn't understand and he never would. All he could do was try and make sure Erwin was acting rationally, if not for his sake then for the sake of his own sanity.
Dr. Buhi choose that exact moment to walk in again. "Good news, Mr. Smith. It looks like you'll be able to be discharged by nightfall at the latest." She smiled over the clipboard she constantly had on her at Levi. "Ah, you're back. Might I ask your name?"
"Levi," he grunted. "Thanks for taking care of this useless lump of meat," he said, poking fun at him. Erwin only glared irritably back. They shook hands briefly, businesslike.
"Yes, a pleasure. As it turns out, the fracture is actually much more minor than originally perceived, and there are no actual shards. In short, it's only a crack, and should heal well in time, though that's no means to go skating or biking without a helmet anytime soon." She looked seriously at Levi. "You'd better make sure he's alright. We're going to patch him up and send him with you as soon as we can."
"Do I get no say in this?" Erwin whined, earning himself a scalding glare. He hadn't been expecting that, to say the least.
"No, you don't. This is the only man who has any kind of ties to you at the moment, and you will be going with him, " she added the last part in a very low tone next to his ear, "and I trust him. You might not like him, but I trust him because for four days he didn't even move out of this room to eat. You didn't see that. Now," she said, her face returning to its normal lighthearted smile, "I'll leave you two alone for a little until we can get you patched up."
The click-click of highheels on the floor was the only sound as they stared awkwardly at each other. Erwin broke the contact first, looking out the window.
"I guess I don't have a choice then," he murmured.
"No, you don't," Levi said, mimicking the doctor. "Because, you haven't seen a lot of things since you first went to beddy-bies, one of them being that even if you've forgotten how to love me, I still love you, and you're still my brat. My insufferable, alienated, stupid brat, but mine." His gunmetal eyes locked on Erwin's, instilling a faint fear in him as he bit his tongue and looked away again.
The car lurched to a stop, and Levi killed the ignition. He pulled Erwin up by his arm and practically dragged him out of the car, feet grinding against the asphalt. It was like dragging a mule by the reins, slow and tedious and really it should have been the other way around, Erwin was the strong one. Erwin was the kind of person who could probably send thousands of people to their deaths and remain sane at the end.
Levi had always just depended on himself to do the work of thousands.
The bandages on his head looked funny, and smelled strongly of hospital, but there was no blood on them, so Levi was happy. They walked through the parking lot silently, into the little hallway. He was about to step onto the stairs when Erwin pressed the button for the elevator. Levi grunted, but it was probably better to make sure he didn't push himself anyways.
Unlocking the door to 308, he walked inside, Erwin quick in his stead. "Make yourself at home. It really is your home anyways, so do whatever."
"Thanks," he mumbled. "I'm gonna go take a shit."
Levi flinched; old Erwin didn't cuss. But, this was his fault after all.
"Ok. Bathroom is over there." He pointed him in the vague direction, but wasn't specific as to where exactly, hoping somehow it would force him to remember it by himself. Needless to say it didn't work, but it was worth trying. He wouldn't stop trying until he succeeded.
It took five seconds for him to hear the screaming.
"Lee! Lee!"
His face contorted into a snarl. Lee? Can you not even remember my name you ass? "What is it?"
"The bathtub is full of blood!"
Oh.
That.
Right.
"Just pull the drain then!" he shouted unsympathetically down the hallway.
"No! That's disgusting!" Honestly this new Erwin was a wuss. He got up, sighing, and went to do it himself.
It wasn't even that much blood, still translucid and a light red, not exactly thick. Mellowed into the water. Though it did look red, per se, he probably wouldn't have even guessed it was blood in the first place if it hadn't been for the smell, like corroded iron. He reached into the water and pulled the drain.
"There. Now enjoy yourself."
Erwin shifted uncomfortably. "...thanks."
"Hey, you really know how to cook." He slurped the last of his rice down and began on the meat. "Ten stars, mostly because hospital food is crap
"As if you'd know. I ate that shit for days," Levi smiled weakly. "You loved this dish.. before."
Erwin looked up at him, eyes furrowing together before he understood. Finally, he sat back in his chair, crossing his arms. "So you really loved me then, didn't you. Not the kind of thing that disappears, ever, am I right?"
"I don't know," he said, lying. "I can't answer what I don't know."
"You're terrible," he smirked, sending him a flicker of his old self. "How did we even end up dating?"
"You found my lost dog a few years ago, and didn't stop calling me after you'd returned her. Insisted I needed another pet." It hurt just to remember that.
"So where's the dog?"
"Approximately three to five feet underground. Her name was Chess, if you've forgotten." Of course he did, he forgot your name. Why would he remember your stupid dog?
"Chess like Chestnut?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No. Just Chess." he deadpanned. "Big old golden retriever. Got what all big old golden retrievers get if you get them from a puppy mill where they're more inbred than an Austrian prince." He paused for a sip of water. "That would be cancer."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
Levi snorted. "I'm more busy mourning your death than I am hers. It happened years ago, you only died this week."
Erwin's eyes flashed worriedly. "What do you mean I'm dead?" Is this some kind of time's-up thing? Am I a ghost? He patted himself down, pinching his arm under the table to be certain.
"I mean my boyfriend is dead, though his body is still pumping blood as we speak." Levi's eyes darted upwards. "Such a pleasure to meet you, Erwin Smith. I used to love someone with the same name, the same eyes and the same everything, but I guess that's a thing of the past." His voice was overwhelming, it made Erwin feel inquisitive and insignificant and hopeful he could have been significant all at once.
"I'm still in here, somewhere. You'll just have to dig me out." He tried too late to cover up the pity as it snuck into his voice.
Levi held his glass in his hands, running a finger around the rim. "That's the thing you'll have to understand," he said, gently putting it down on the table and leaning forward on his knuckles. "You're dead, and buried deep, deep, underground, far away from even yourself. And I am going to keep digging until I have found every bone and membrane and fiber, and if I can't find you so-help-me-god I will paint the walls with my blood and bury myself next to you." His voice was eerily steady.
Erwin blinked, taking a moment to understand, and suddenly he was overwhelmed with emotions, a turmoil between rage and acceptance. "I.. don't know how to respond."
"Then don't," Levi said. "But I'm serious."
Erwin stood up, taking a deep breath and, not understanding what he was doing, spoke. "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry? I'm the one who-"
"No! Shut up. Just, shut up a minute. I'm sorry, because since I woke up I've been nothing but a dick when it's clear that whatever happened was an accident, and that you're overwhelmed with grief. I've been judgemental and it must be torture to see someone you care about hate you. But I'm sorry, you've only ever been kind and caring, through your own twisted way, because yes I'm dead but I've also just been born. And I'm sorry."
Levi looked surprised, before he reverted to expressionless. "That was a whole new level of corny, even for you." Even though he didn't display it, Erwin could practically hear the well-oiled machines in his head start again.
He smirked. "I don't love you now, but I think I could someday."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Levi asked sarcastically.
"..Would you like to try again? I'm not saying it'll be easy, but I can try for you." He couldn't quite grasp exactly what he meant himself, but it sounded good, so he didn't stop. "I can try to be the old me. I can try to recover for you. And I hate to say this, but you're the only thing I have right now anyways, so I might as well."
Levi looked away again, grinning coyly. He glanced back suddenly and flashed him a subtle grey-blue stare. "Well, I'm far from every last bit, but I still seem to have hit something with my shovel."