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Dear Clone Eleven,
First thing’s first- I’m sorry, but I hate your name. I know you do too. What kind of name is that? It’s just proof that everyone just sees you as a copy. It’s ridiculous! But I know you’ll get a new one. Give it time.
Second, before I say anything else I just want to say that I’m sorry. More than I can say. I know I should stop blaming myself for everything that happened, but I can’t. I screwed up, and you suffered. Technically, you died.
Oh, sorry for spoiling it.
I’m sorry to say, but pretty soon, you’re not going to exist anymore.
That’s the one thing I regret most. Letting you completely perish. That’s really what I’m apologizing for.
Sorry.
There’s so so much I want to tell you, but I don’t know how. How do I tell you you’re going to ruin your life? That I’m going to ruin your life, and regret it for the rest of mine, for both of our sakes? That nothing will go back to how you know it? That all of the change won’t be for the best?
I suppose I should probably catch you up on what’s happened since you were around, just as a start. It’s quite a lot, so buckle up I guess.
I want to start by saying that you’re the last of the clones to survive. Or at least, while you’re still here you are. I know you don’t remember much of what happened, but they were all destroyed. With what you have in store, that might be a good thing.
Another thing that’s happened is 2-BO has returned to Gyro. Yes, yes, I know your jaw just dropped and you just had a flashback to everything terrible that happened, I’ve been there. But, I know this sounds crazy, but something good came out of it. 2-BO (now called Boyd) is Gyro’s son, and I know both of them are doing better. Great if you can imagine. It’s all a long story that I know you’ll learn later, but that’s what I just have to tell you now.
And it was never Gyro’s fault. Akita hacked Boyd, and used him to destroy the city.
You hear me?
It. Was. Never. Your. Fault.
You’re hereby entirely free of that guilt.
And now I’m going to continue on and not address that again, leaving you in utter confusion. You’re welcome. But in my defense, you’re never going to read this. This is for me.
Wow, I am selfish.
Moving on- Yet another thing that will shock you, is Gyro is married now! To Fenton, of all people. I mean maaaaybe we all saw it coming, but I know it still surprised me. Honestly, it shouldn’t have. They’re currently raising Boyd and an alarming number of cats, in their surprisingly large house. Fenton’s still Gizmoduck, and Gyro’s still a workaholic.
Some things never change.
For them, at least. Not for you.
Everything’s going to change. As much as I hate to say it, I know one day you’re going to miss being a lonely old inventor holed up in your lab. You’re not going to be like how Gyro is now, no matter how much I know you’ll want to be.
You can’t take his place. I know you won’t want to, even if you could.
But I know you’ll be loved by all of three people. And I know after everything, that’ll be entirely enough for you.
(YES I just smiled and blushed cheesily, get over it.)
You and Archimede are friends, after everything, and you’ll completely lose the Duck family. Yes, including Della, who I know you just got back.
And that’s not the worst.
(Sorry about your hand, by the way. However, in my ever so very humble opinion, having a hand that can shoot lasers, blow stuff up and download data is a major upgrade, just sayin’...)
So I guess I should get to really why I’m writing this. There’s a bunch of other stuff that happened and I’m sure you’re confused, but I don’t want to spoil the entire next three or so years for you, do I?
After thinking about it for a while, I figured out why I’m writing this. I’ve wanted to tell someone this for… I don’t know how long, but it’s been a while. I just don’t know how, or who. Finally, I’ve decided on you, and through a letter I’ll never send. Yaaaaayyy, you win the prize of not finding out your life will be ruined in a few months as soon as you get your hope back! Go on, clap for yourself! (Oh wait never mind you don’t have a left hand I’m so sorry-) But at least I’ll be able to get it out there, which is really all I want to do. No one can fix it at this point, but I need to say this.
I have a lot of regrets.
The end.
Love-
I’m joking! I’m joking. I wouldn’t write all that out just to say one sentence with six words in it (Ooh, that’s another perk of having a robotic hand, it doesn’t cramp up and get sore from writing too much!).
I regret not figuring it out in the first place. I regret that for your sake, because that’s when it could’ve been fixed. But no, I’m an idiot, and I’ve paid for it.
I regret hurting everyone around me, constantly. I do it all the time, sometimes without realizing it. It only makes it worse, and yet so much of the time I can’t see what I’m doing wrong until it’s too late. This has happened too many times, and I know it will keep happening, no matter how hard I try. It’s just my nature. My advice for you here is to be more perceptive? I don’t know, I’m terrible at feelings. If you couldn’t tell, and didn’t know.
I regret not taking chances. There are so many things I should’ve just done, but I was terrified of what would happen. Especially when it comes to Gyro, I wish there were more things I’d taken a chance on with him. So please Clone Eleven, be brave. I don’t want you to be like me, but I know you will.
I regret not being there for the people around me. After everything they’ve (grudgingly) done for me, I’ve owed it to them time and time again to actually give something back, and I never have.
I regret pushing people away. Or not trusting them. Not taking chances. That’s something that I’ve really wanted to tell you, too. Don’t push them away! As far-fetched as it sounds, they will still want to be there for you. Gyro, Fenton, Archimede, even maybe the Duck family, at first. If you could just figure out you’re the bad guy before you mess everything up, then the Ducks would help. Where I am now, I know they won’t. Now, sometimes I feel more lonely than ever before. Though I know that’s not true, I can’t help but feel it. Which is why I’m turning to you to vent. To vent in a letter I’ll never send. Because I know one day you’ll understand this.
I regret being unable to change the past. What would’ve happened if one thing had been different? What would I change? What would you change? Would it be the same thing? I know I can’t do much for the past now, but maybe, writing this will help me change my future. I really hope it does.
I regret even just sitting here, writing this! I don’t want to have to write this! This is stupid! I should've just fixed this in the first place, or never even done it! But no, now I have to spend an hour beating myself up, for something that will probably never affect anything else.
I guess my biggest regret is my fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of other people, fear of myself. The truth is I’m not all that brave. But I want to be. Maybe admitting my mistakes and fears here will help me do better.
I hope it does.
Despite all of that, I’m still happy. I’ve got people to help. I know it’s more than I deserve, and I’ve been so thankful for that. I’m bitter, but recovering. I know you will too, and that’s another thing I want to tell you.
It’s gonna be okay, Clone Eleven.
You’re gonna be okay.
That’s something I was terrified of, that it wouldn't turn out alright. That’s why I kept fighting, to make sure I would end up okay. I didn’t want to become an old man, filled with regret. I know I’ve got regrets now, but I’m not full of them. I’ve got love, respect, and hope.
Now I know I will be alright in the end, and I don’t have to keep fighting, running, and hiding. Both of us will be okay.
Got it?
We’re gonna be okay.
From now on, we can be brave together.
Yours truly,
(And once again, I’m sorry)
Mads.
P.S., I wonder what would happen if I did send this letter somehow. It would probably ruin all of the space/time continuum, but I can dream, can’t I? Would you believe me? How much would be different, if you (or I, I don’t know at this point) had known this from the start? What would we have fixed? What could we have fixed? All of it?
I don’t know, it’s too late now.
~Mads