Archive of Our Own ^beta

Younghoon helped Haknyeon load his luggage into the trunk of his car while Haknyeon struggled to hide a yawn. He threw his backpack onto the backseat, and soon they were driving off, the airport disappearing behind them and the road stretching for miles and miles ahead. 

Haknyeon had forgotten how beautiful the nights were in Jeju; as he lowered the car window, the breeze hit his face and the stars shined bright on him. He was coming home, finally, and the skies above Jeju island led the way for him across the small villages and inhabited parts of the land.

“Are you hungry?” Younghoon’s voice cut through the low volume of the radio.

As soon as the words registered in Haknyeon’s mind, his stomach reacted on its own accord, loud growling making Younghoon laugh.

“Yup, a foot taller but still the same appetite,” Younghoon teased.

The car slowed down on the side of the road and took an exit Haknyeon hadn’t seen, hidden between trees on the border of the highway. The street lights showed the way and soon, Haknyeon saw the pit-stop, a small area with a building recognizable from its red roof, only a handful of cars parked near the entrance.

Haknyeon’s eyes lit up as bright as the stars and he didn’t waste time unbuckling his seatbelt, jumping out of the car before Younghoon had even stopped the engine. Stretching his legs felt good, breathing in the fresh and cool air of Jeju even better, but the best feeling was the warmth in his heart at the memories flooding his mind of the many times he had come here in the past.

This was the same place his family used to stop at on the way back from trips abroad, when Younghoon and him were still in elementary. Haknyeon’s mother would hold his hand to stop him from running across the parking lot, and their father would hold a half-asleep Younghoon in his arms. Flights always tired Younghoon more than they did Haknyeon, despite their age difference.

This time, it was only Younghoon and him in the booth they picked, a big pot of broiling gamjatang between them. Haknyeon felt like a kid again, sharing a comforting meal with his older brother on their way back home. His taste buds melted at the familiar flavours dancing in his mouth, his heart squeezed in overjoy at his brother’s quiet laughter and homelike accent. The restaurant itself felt like home, the squeaky cushion under him and the mix of smells in the air.

Haknyeon leaned his head on Younghoon’s shoulder on their way to the car, feeling safe under his brother’s arm, stumbling steps laboriously bringing him to the car. His eyes closed by themselves as soon as he sat down, and the lolling rumble of the car’s engine brought him to sleep.

“Haknyeon.”

A hand pressed delicately on his shoulder, shaking ever so slightly. “Haknyeon,” the voice whispered again. “We’re here.”

Haknyeon’s eyes fluttered open, and they immediately met Younghoon’s face, a warm smile telling him that they’d arrived. It was still so dark outside, Haknyeon barely recognized where they were, if he could even know this street in broad daylight anyway. He unfastened his seatbelt while Younghoon reminded him they were at his apartment for the night; their parents’ house was still a good twenty minutes away, farther in the countryside than their already small village was. They had been too busy to come pick Haknyeon from the airport, but it didn’t make much of a difference. Haknyeon would be staying with Younghoon for a while, since his brother lived in the center of the town, and it would be easier for Haknyeon to search for a job and an apartment than if he had to do it from his parents’ farm.

Younghoon took Haknyeon’s suitcase out of the trunk, and Haknyeon accepted his backpack from the taller’s hand. Without a word, he followed Younghoon into the building, silently padding behind the wheels of his suitcase on the worn-out parquet. The beeping of the keypad was the only sound in the hallway, and the door squeaked aggressively when Younghoon pushed it open.

“I got my room ready for you,” Younghoon declared, taking his shoes off and disappearing farther into the apartment. Haknyeon could still see his shadow before he heard another squeaking sound, and the small thud of his suitcase being dropped to the floor, while Haknyeon stood awkwardly in the entrance of the apartment.

“There you go, it’s the first door to your right,” Younghoon reappeared, hiding a yawn behind his hand. “Sorry, it’s been a long day, I’m sure it’s been even longer for you though. If you want to shower, the bathroom is right across from my room, make yourself at home.”

The taller boy dropped himself on the couch, where Haknyeon noticed there was already a blanket and a pillow.

“You’re letting me take your bed?” Haknyeon was exhausted, it took him a few moments to process the situation.

Younghoon waved vaguely at him while making himself comfortable under the blanket. “Yeah, it’s whatever. I changed the sheets before you came, don’t worry. And I bought a pillow for you, well, I wasn’t sure which one you’d like so I got a few,” his brother yawned again, and closed his eyes. “Good night, Nyeon-ie. I’m right here if you need anything.”

Haknyeon couldn’t even take the time to reply anything other than a shocked “thank you” that Younghoon was out cold, if his faint snoring was anything to go by.

Seeing his brother fall asleep so easily made him realize the same fate awaited him, his eyes already starting to close by themselves. By the time Haknyeon reached the bedroom, he was too tired to think of changing his clothes, much less to shower or brush his teeth. The bed in front of him was neatly made, three different pillows laid out near the headpost. Haknyeon let his head fall onto the middle one and allowed sleep to take him. He was home.

Haknyeon woke up to cold feet and a numb arm. Rolling onto his back, it took him a few seconds to remember where he was, and why there were so many pillows surrounding him. As he sat up, the memories of the previous day started to return, and the sight of the room he was in made him smile.

Even though he had never stepped foot inside his brother’s apartment before the previous night, there was no mistaking as to where he was. Younghoon’s personality was all over the place, in a way so similar to the bedroom he used to share with his brother yet in a way that showed Younghoon was a man now, an adult with different interests, yet still the same older brother who kept a picture of his family on his bedside table and his favourite books neatly stacked on a shelf.

“Hyung?” Haknyeon called, hearing the noise of the tv coming from the living room.

He found Younghoon with half-lidded eyes, watching tv intensely as he was slowly waking up. Haknyeon almost wanted to laugh at how happy such an insignificant scene was making him. Younghoon always liked to watch the morning news with their dad before school, and it seemed like that hadn’t changed even after seven years.

“Good morning!” Haknyeon exclaimed, sitting down next to his brother.

“‘Morning,” Younghoon mumbled, smiling tiredly at him. “What do you wanna do today?”

“I’m not sure, I’m just really excited to catch up with you, and to be back in Jeju after so many years. I didn’t realize I would miss this place so much. Let’s go out!”

Younghoon’s smile grew wider at Haknyeon’s excitement.

“Sure, but let’s get ready first, yeah?”

Haknyeon nodded, and stretched his arms out. “Yeah, I’ll steal your shower for a while. I hope you have hot water here, oh and could I steal your body wash? Mine’s in the boxes that got sent to mom and dad’s–”

“I told you, make yourself at home,” Younghoon grinned, and ruffled Haknyeon’s hair. “I need to shower as well, but you can go first.”

Haknyeon glanced up at Younghoon for a second. His brother still seemed drowsy. Haknyeon chuckled. Younghoon always had more difficulty than him getting up in the morning.

“Okay. But don’t yell at me if I steal all your hot water!”

“Hmm.”

Haknyeon had taken a good look around Younghoon’s apartment, and even if it was only his first day living here, the fact that it was his brother’s place and that it truly felt like his brother’s place immediately made him at ease. When Younghoon came out of the bathroom, Haknyeon was sprawled over the couch, feet propped up on the armrest and scrolling through his phone while the device was plugged into the wall next to him. He had forgotten to get it charged the previous night.

“Yah, did auntie Jia never tell you how to sit properly on a couch,” Younghoon groaned, but it was only a playful remark.

“Nope,” Haknyeon grinned. His aunt had only ever treated him with love, not like she did her own kids but like the favourite nephew that he was.

He had moved from Jeju to Hong Kong at 15, for high school, to live with his aunt and his two cousins. His cousins often accused him of getting special treatment, and Haknyeon could acknowledge that he did; but his cousins had been 7 and 11 when he had first moved in with them, and Haknyeon was already mature for his age, a hard-working student, and he helped his aunt around the house as well as staying on top of his studies.

“Well, this is big brother Younghoon’s house and you can do whatever you want as long as you don’t get me in trouble with mom and dad.”

Haknyeon sat up to let Younghoon take place beside him on the couch. He turned his phone off, shoving the instagram feed full of his Hong Kong friends deep in his jeans’ pocket.

“Is there anything you want to start with?”

Haknyeon glanced out of the window and to the street a few floors below them. There was an old lady pushing a cart, a bunch of kids zooming by on bikes. Across the street was a small corner store, and a tattoo parlour next to it.

“Oh!” Haknyeon exclaimed, turning back towards Younghoon. “Can we go eat breakfast at mom’s friend’s restaurant?”

Mornings at the Choi family restaurant had been a huge part of Haknyeon’s childhood. The small place was just a block away from the farm where he had grown up, and the entire neighbourhood would stop by for a bite, or just to chat with auntie Choi. As a kid, Haknyeon often went with his family, but also with his friends. He found himself stopping there after school with Jaehyun, his neighbour and best friend, a few years older, who at the time walked him back home on the days Younghoon couldn’t because he had football practice.

Although, Jaehyun walked back home with Haknyeon on most days anyway. Younghoon at the time didn’t want to be stuck with his ‘annoying little brother’, preferring to hang out with his friends instead. So Haknyeon went with Jaehyun, to the playground near the school or near the house, meeting up with friends or just the two of them.

Still, on most days, they ended up sitting at auntie Choi’s with empty stomachs and muddied sneakers. When Jaehyun didn’t want to go home and do his homework, and Haknyeon didn’t want to be stuck inside with his boring older brother and his lousy parents, they stayed at the restaurant and played with the stray cats, until auntie Choi sent them home with sweet hotteoks and some kimchi for their parents.

At Haknyeon's question, Younghoon’s look stayed blank. Haknyeon assumed his brother had forgotten. It had been a while after all. 

“You know, the place where auntie Choi always gave us extra galbi and told us to do well in school! When we were in elementary!”

The look in Younghoon’s eyes shifted, his gaze wavering hesitantly. 

“Haknyeon…” he sighed. “Auntie Choi passed away three years ago.”

The news had the same effect as a cold shower.

“What?”

“She fell ill, and everything happened so quickly… at least her sons were by her side when she left. They closed the restaurant, they sold her house and they went back to Busan after the funerals.”

“B-but…”

Haknyeon felt tears rushing to his eyes, and he hastily wiped them with the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry... Mom didn’t want to tell you because it was during your finals, and auntie Jia told us how busy you were...”

It was like a wake-up call, making Haknyeon come right back down to earth and crash onto the ground, face first into the dirt.

Haknyeon had no idea what he had expected. For everything to stay the same as when he had left? Maybe. Maybe, yes, that was exactly what he had expected. 

Now he knew that his return home would be nothing like he had imagined.

“Hey, how about I show you somewhere new instead?” Younghoon suggested.

Haknyeon blinked. Outside the window, all he could see were strangers; tall men with briefcases, young women with purses and sunglasses, children staring down at phone screens.

“Yeah,” he gulped. “I’d like that.”

Younghoon’s favourite place for breakfast was a cozy diner hidden between two taller buildings, just a few minutes walk from his apartment. The place was so small that when they got seated, it seemed like the place was full; in reality, it was only that the five tables in the room had people seated already. Haknyeon looked around, maybe in the naive hope he would recognize someone.

The elderly couple to their left was quite silent, and they were taking their time eating their meal. There was a younger couple around Haknyeon’s age across the room, and Haknyeon did not want to stare long enough to try and guess if they perhaps had been his classmates when they had been younger. They didn’t seem familiar at all, though, and Haknyeon’s doubts were confirmed when the girl opened her mouth and said something to her boyfriend in Japanese.

“Nyeon-ie,” Younghoon called to grab his attention. “I’ll order us something, ‘kay? Trust me on this one.”

Haknyeon nodded. He leaned back on his chair and grinned at his brother. “Whatever my dear hyung pleases.”

Younghoon snorted at his innocent jape. 

They shared their first proper meal together as though the sea had never stood between them. They had kept in touch over the years, of course, through more or less weekly phone and video calls. Younghoon and their parents came to visit Haknyeon and the Chinese side of their family during holidays almost every year. The distance hadn’t managed to make them lose their brotherhood bond, although it had caused few problems when they hit their respective teenage angst phases. Fortunately, Haknyeon still loved Younghoon very much, and he was glad that they could hang out just the two of them almost more comfortably than before Haknyeon had left.

After breakfast, Younghoon took Haknyeon for a stroll in the heart of the city, where the streets were the busiest they could ever be in such a small village. It was summer, and it was hot, the smell of fish as they came near the sea was very strong and Haknyeon could tell Younghoon did not appreciate it, but everything to Haknyeon felt so homey that he could never complain about something so peculiar such as the putrid smell of raw fish.

When Haknyeon looked around, there wasn’t much more than the smell in the air to remind him of home. The street they were walking down was packed with shops, hotels and restaurants with flashy neon signs, even in broad daylight. Downtown was nothing like Haknyeon remembered; the fruit stands were gone, the stray cats nowhere to be found, and his favourite ice cream parlour had been replaced by a Pizza hut. 

Still, they weren’t exactly walking around their childhood neighbourhood, so the changes didn’t sting that much. But Haknyeon still remembered the route back from school, all the places he used to visit with friends, the arcade on the corner of the main street where he’d spend his entire monthly allowance under the mischievously bad influence of Jaehyun, the bus stop where they’d wave goodbye to their friend Juyeon who lived farther from the city than they did. All gone.

Haknyeon’s mood quickly went down, along with his enthusiasm to reconnect with his hometown as he realized this wasn’t the city where he had grown up. It was, in a way; in the trees that grew only on the island, in the birds flying above his head and the fishy smell following him everywhere, but now even the smell he had loved remembering was starting to make him nauseous.

Younghoon seemed oblivious to Haknyeon’s gradual loss of heart, though. The taller led Haknyeon through the streets, enthusiastically pointing fingers at places they’d have to come back to at a later time, showing his brother where he had studied while Haknyeon was away, where he’d had his first date, where his friends went to get their first tattoos. Haknyeon thought he seemed more like a tour guide than a brother, but he let the older pull him to shops and photoshoot spots even though Haknyeon’s face was still bloated and his lips still dry from the flight. Younghoon wasn’t much of a talker, Haknyeon was usually the one who couldn’t seem to stop himself between the both of them, but Younghoon’s simple way of describing things put a salve on Haknyeon’s heart.

Younghoon at least hadn’t changed, and Haknyeon wasn’t too sure what he’d do if he had.

“Didn’t we walk too much already?” Younghoon asked, voice filling with concern as he glanced at Haknyeon. “I think I got a bit carried away, I’m just, so happy that you’re back.”

His brother’s confession almost made Haknyeon blush. Instead of answering, he pulled his brother into a hug, hiding his face into Younghoon’s chest. Younghoon let out a surprised noise, but hugged back, leading Haknyeon away from the middle of the sidewalk.

“Is everything alright?” Younghoon chuckled nervously.

Haknyeon broke free from the hug. He nodded and tried to shake off the uneasy feeling. He was making a big deal out of nothing; this had been a very nice morning with his older brother, and he was, despite everything, really happy to be back in Jeju. Younghoon was obviously very excited to catch him up with everything he’d missed during his years away, and Haknyeon didn’t want to worry him.

“Yeah,” he nodded vigorously, wishing Younghoon didn’t catch his voice breaking a little.

“Nyeon-ie,” Younghoon frowned. “How do you say “liar” in Chinese?”

Haknyeon giggled mischievously, and told him.

“You’re a genius, ” Younghoon tried to imitate, oblivious to Haknyeon’s snickering. “Tell me, what is it?”

Haknyeon sighed. “I just never thought things would change so much,” he murmured, embarrassed. “It’s like, everything I looked forward to seeing again has disappeared, it feels like my hometown doesn’t truly exist anymore.”

"Hm."

Younghoon pouted. He looked at Haknyeon, and didn't say anything, his reaction making Haknyeon grow nervous. Haknyeon put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from fiddling with his fingers.

"So you didn't like our morning," Younghoon sounded a little sad.

"N-No!" Haknyeon blurted out. "No, hyung, it was fun, I like being with you. Honestly, I think the only thing that still feels familiar here is you."

Younghoon's pout turned into a shy smile, and he reached a hand to ruffle Haknyeon's hair. Haknyeon took a step back and suppressed an annoyed groan.

"I missed you a lot," Younghoon said. Haknyeon didn't know how many times his brother had told him exactly that since his flight had landed the previous day.

"Yeah, I missed you too," Haknyeon grinned. "I just don't think I want to walk around and learn how many more things changed while I was gone. That was enough surprises for today."

Younghoon nodded. He paused for a second, then his smile widened.

“Well, we could go see Jaehyun! You guys were friends, right? Let’s go, I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

They had to walk a bit more for that, though, but at least this time Younghoon made sure to avoid talking about everything that had happened in the town over Haknyeon’s absence. They chattered about Haknyeon's college experience abroad, reminiscing both of their awkward first attempts at love and wishing they could have been there to embarrass the other about it. Younghoon told Haknyeon about his current internship and part-time job,  his friendships, and Haknyeon quickly talked a bit about each of his Hong Kong friends.

Their steps led them out of the town center, the streets stretching out farther and farther and the buildings becoming more and more spaced out. Tiny alleys led to backstores and adjacent streets, Younghoon navigating expertly between them and dragging Haknyeon by the hand, as if he was scared his brother could get lost. Like there was ever a chance Haknyeon could lose a lanky, six feet tall boy such as his brother.

Haknyeon hadn’t counted how many alleys he had squeezed himself through, but the last one where he followed Younghoon came out on a small courtyard, two sides made of planks and two made of the cemented outer walls of neighbouring buildings.

It took less than two seconds for Haknyeon to glance over the entire space, and even less for him to notice the boy sitting lazily on top of two stacked milk crates, his phone in hand. His head perked up at the sound of the two brothers’ footsteps, and the sight of Younghoon made a friendly grin appear on his face.

“Younghoon-ie!” he exclaimed, promptly getting up on his feet to give Younghoon a firm handshake.

“Hi Jaehyun,” Younghoon greeted back.

As the name left his brother’s lips, Haknyeon’s world stopped turning.

The tall guy shaking his brother’s hand was wearing a body-length beige apron, and underneath he had some pale blue jeans and a grey sweater with the sleeves rolled up his forearms. His hair was dyed a pretty chestnut brown, his parted bangs revealing just a little of his forehead.

Haknyeon could not believe he was looking at his childhood best friend right now.

“Do you remember my little brother?”

The sudden mention of himself made Haknyeon jerk in surprise, lifting wide eyes towards Jaehyun. The older squinted for a few seconds, and then his face lit up again.

“Haknyeon?” he gasped, inspecting Haknyeon’s face as if to make sure he wasn’t mistaking him for someone else. “Finally decided to come back home, huh?” he beamed, and took a step forward to pull Haknyeon into a warm hug.

Haknyeon coughed in surprise, but Jaehyun pulled away as soon as he had come, his bright smile flashing directly at Haknyeon and making heat spread all over his body embarrassingly fast.

Jaehyun’s arms had felt so strong around him, the faint sweet smell of broth and gochujang lingering on his apron making Haknyeon’s nostrils tingle.

“You’re playing older brother now?” Jaehyun teased, harmlessly punching Younghoon’s arm. Jaehyun’s enthusiastic chuckle was endearing, for lack of a better word. His laugh sounded just as pretty as his smile looked.

“So that’s why you wouldn’t come to the pub with us yesterday!” Jaehyun gasped. “You disappeared without explanation, right after your shift! You had us worried, man. Jacob tried to reach you but you wouldn’t pick up.”

Younghoon rolled his eyes. “I told you three times yesterday that I was going to pick up my brother from the airport. I thought you would relay the message to Cobie.”

“When you said ‘brother’, you should have said it was Haknyeon!”

“Jaehyun, I have only one brother!”

“Eh, just a minor detail, right?” Jaehyun laughed sheepishly. “But if you had said his name, maybe we could have invited him to the pub with us!”

“I’m not sure he would have been up for it after that long of a flight, anyway. How many hours was it, Nyeon-ie? Fifteen total?”

“Don’t call me that,” Haknyeon mumbled under his breath, embarrassed.

“Well, he’s more than welcome to join us next time,” Jaehyun smiled kindly at him. Haknyeon shyly smiled back, his words gone from him.

“Is he staying with you?”

Younghoon nodded, a gentle smile tracing his lips.

“Yeah, our parents were too busy with the farm to go pick him up, and he’ll be staying with me until he can find a place for himself. I’ll be sleeping on the couch, so if I start complaining about back pains, that’s why.”

“On your own couch?” Jaehyun shrieked. “Eh, nonsense! Come stay at mine for the time being, Sangyeon hyung’s out of town for the month.”

“I won’t leave Haknyeon by himself when he’s only just returned from Hong Kong. It’s a miracle he still speaks Korean.” That made Haknyeon laugh, exchanging a look of complicity with his brother.

“Look at you,” Jaehyun grinned. “So mature.”

They couldn’t talk much more before a door was flung open and an older woman stepped one foot into the courtyard, sending Jaehyun a look. “You went over your break,” she said. “Invite your friends in, but you have to get back to work, young man.”

Jaehyun smiled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Oh, huh, ‘m sorry boss.”

With one last look, the door closed behind the woman. Younghoon and Haknyeon ended up bidding Jaehyun goodbye, and leaving through the alley the same way they had come.

Haknyeon knew he was being suspiciously silent, his gaze stuck to the floor and simply following Younghoon’s steps. It only took a minute for Younghoon to notice.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Haknyeon blushed. He shoved his hands in his pockets, and kicked a pebble on the ground.

“Did something happen between you and Jaehyun while you were away? You literally spent every second of your life with him up until you left, what got you feeling so shy in front of him now?”

Haknyeon coughed awkwardly. “Just… things are not the same anymore, alright?”

He must have sounded overly nostalgic for Younghoon to giggle at him, a long arm wrapping protectively around his shoulders. “We sent Haknyeon to Hong Kong and a stranger came back in his place!”

“You’re so dumb,” Haknyeon snorted. “I haven’t changed much, I don’t think. But everything here has.”

While Haknyeon had been away, his entire hometown had transformed into some city he was now a stranger to, his favourite places closing down and development radically reshaping the city’s outline, but something even worse had happened; his childhood best friend Jaehyun had become a man, and an insanely pretty one at that.

Jaehyun had been 17 when they had seen each other for the last time. Haknyeon had been 15, just a bit shorter than Jaehyun, but neither of them had gotten through their puberty yet. They were both two awkwardly shaped teens with acne scars and thick-lensed glasses, dressed in clothes that didn’t quite fit but that they thought looked amazing on them. Jaehyun was just starting to get really, really popular in school, and Haknyeon was for once making friends of his own age. They were still as close as ever, though, with them being neighbours and best friends. They couldn’t count the amount of sleepovers in each other’s houses, the amount of bike rides to the town center, sharing cheap soft drinks and salted snacks in parks late in the night, Jaehyun bringing Haknyeon along to his first real high school party when Haknyeon was still in middle school.

Telling Jaehyun he was leaving to study abroad had not been easy. Finding the words to announce he had chosen to move to Hong Kong for the foreseeable future, finding a way to tell Jaehyun that they wouldn’t be able to see each other for at least the next seven years, that hadn’t been easy. Jaehyun had been shocked, but Jaehyun, ever the supportive best friend and strong pillar in Haknyeon’s life, showed excitement for Haknyeon’s projects and hugged him tight to congratulate him on taking such a big leap of faith. That day, Haknyeon had only felt one thing; Jaehyun was proud of him.

They parted with promises to keep in touch, but Haknyeon was just entering high school in Hong Kong, and Jaehyun was now a junior with only two years left to complete. On their first calls, Jaehyun created this idea that, maybe, he could come join Haknyeon in Hong Kong when he started college, so that they wouldn’t have to be apart more than two years. It had been thrilling to imagine, but Haknyeon’s disappointment at the realization it wouldn’t happen was soul-crushing.

They called and texted less and less, and before Haknyeon’s first year of high school was over, they had almost completely stopped all means of communication. The summer started, and whenever Haknyeon asked to chat, Jaehyun was busy, and when the older started showing less and less interest in reaching out to Haknyeon first, that was it.

He liked to pretend he had been okay with gradually losing his best friend while he was away, but the truth was, he had been devastated. His new Hong Kong friends were nice, but they weren’t Jaehyun. No one could ever replace him, and that knowledge alone completely destroyed Haknyeon.

And now, just as he thought he had moved on, seeing Jaehyun again definitely stirred-up some long-buried feelings within Haknyeon. 23 year old Jaehyun was everything Haknyeon remembered and more.

The drive to their parents’ house was peaceful. It was the middle of the afternoon, both brothers having taken things slow in the morning after their little outing together the previous night. As promised, Jaehyun had invited Younghoon and Haknyeon for drinks, mentioning a few other names Haknyeon only vaguely remembered but that he knew were friends of Younghoon. It wasn’t that Haknyeon didn’t want to party and meet his brother’s friends, he just wasn’t ready to face Jaehyun and pretend like nothing had happened during their years apart. Younghoon had declined Jaehyun’s offer with a quick call, during which Jaehyun’s childish whines resonated through all of Younghoon’s tiny apartment for Haknyeon to hear. 

They had gone out, just the two of them, to a pub right down the street. There was a small terrace on the roof, and Haknyeon savored his first beer taken with his older brother, treating themselves to appetizers that left Haknyeon’s taste buds as satisfied as his heart.

A tipsy Younghoon laughed a lot more, and his filter quickly dropped, allowing him to babble to Haknyeon about things he would never even dream of saying while sober. Haknyeon stored his brother’s dirty secrets in a drawer in his mind to use if ever need be. And need of them, Haknyeon was sure he would have, one day or another. Haknyeon had been able to relax, closing his eyes and picturing the old Jeju that he knew. His bottle had clinked with Younghoon’s more times than necessary, and by the end of the night, they had been stumbling back to Younghoon’s apartment, pushing at each other with loud laughter interrupted only by quiet hiccups. Haknyeon had been able to shower, but Younghoon had passed out on the couch by the time he had come out of the bathroom.

So, a little after lunch was when they had finally been ready to set out to make the drive to the farm where they had grown up. Haknyeon hadn’t promised his parents a specific date for a visit, but he knew seeing them was something that should be done sooner than later after his return. And he had missed his parents, anyway, and their small farm too, even the pungent smell of the pig barn, so he was more than glad to be on his way there on such a sunny Saturday.

Younghoon was a careful driver, which meant he wasn’t really disposed to chat with Haknyeon during the fifteen minutes it took to reach their parents’ house. Haknyeon was fine with that, using the time to stare out the window, and quickly reply back to texts from his Hong Kong friends.

The wind was different now that they were so far into the countryside, cooler and a lot more refreshing. The leaves in the trees bristled, and across the street a dog was barking, and a child was laughing.

Younghoon slammed his car door shut and caught up to Haknyeon. He looked a bit more tired than Haknyeon, and Haknyeon took note that his brother did not have very high alcohol tolerance. 

The yellow-painted front door was unlocked, as it always was. They both entered the house, and Younghoon took off his shoes, neatly storing them on the rack.

Haknyeon untied his laces, and his heart warmed up when he noticed there was a spot left on the rack for his own pair. His smaller shoes fit just right between his brother’s pair of converse and his father’s beaten up sneakers, probably older than Haknyeon himself. The thought made Haknyeon smile. It was his father’s favourite pair, no matter how worn out it was. It made him glad to note that he was still wearing them.

“Ah, my handsome son!” his mother’s voice sang farther into the house.

Haknyeon heard his brother’s quiet laughter, and looked up in time to see his mother embracing him. She was so short Younghoon had to bend down, but he seemed glad to do so.

Haknyeon walked up to them, and he met his mother’s eyes. She let go of Younghoon and smiled at him.

“Haknyeon-ah, look at you,” she laughed, lovingly slapping his cheek a few times. “You’re so good-looking now, and you look so healthy! Mom is so happy to see you home, baby. Has Younghoon been treating you well? Come, both of you, I’ll make you something to eat.”

Haknyeon smiled and followed after his mother, into the kitchen, barely big enough to hold three grown adults. Younghoon immediately went to help her, and Haknyeon lingered behind for a second. He rolled his sleeves up his forearms and wiped his hands on his jeans out of habit.

“Auntie Jia sends her greetings,” he said, stepping forward to help Younghoon peel some potatoes.

“Ah,” his mother smiled. “Your father and I will give her a call once the day is done. Is she well?”

Haknyeon nodded. “And her sons have grown up a lot since you last saw them. Taio is almost taller than you now.”

That seemed to make his mother happy. “I always told your aunt her sons would grow up to be strong, strong boys.”

The kitchen filled with their easy conversation, and with the smell of food cooking in the pan. Korean spices mixed with his mother’s perfume and the earthy scent of their countryside farm made Haknyeon feel home again.

Younghoon was busy cutting the meat and their mother was tasting the broth, and Haknyeon allowed himself a glimpse out of the window. The kitchen overlooked the yard, the pigsty and the freshly-painted barn that looked almost bigger than the house. Beyond their farm were just miles and miles of fields belonging to another family whose house Haknyeon could see if he squinted enough. The Bang family had been living there as long as the Ju’s had been in Jeju, their only daughter five years older than Younghoon was. 

The tall doors of the barn opened from the inside, and Haknyeon craned his neck to see his dad walking out, soiled hay sticking to his knee-high rubber boots, his beige overalls tucked inside them. He hefted a bag of grains in his arms, hobbling over to the pigsty that was currently empty.

Just as Haknyeon was about to look away, he saw some more movement from inside the barn, and a second later someone was emerging from the shadows, following in his father’s footsteps with a sack of pig food. Haknyeon’s jaw unceremoniously dropped as he realized it was none other than Jaehyun, clad in navy overalls, a black t-shirt underneath sticking to the muscles of his chest. Like Haknyeon’s dad, Jaehyun wore knee-high boots, dirtied in mud or whatever else brown-ish sludge could be found in a barn, but for some reason even those green atrocities didn’t manage to make Jaehyun look any less attractive than after the first impression Haknyeon had gotten of him.

The gorgeous flex of his sweat-coated arm muscles under the blaring sun probably had something to do with it. Or maybe it was just Jaehyun’s face, his sharp jawline and his princely thin nose, that distracted Haknyeon from the repulsiveness of his outfit.

“What’s he doing here?” he asked, keeping an eye on Jaehyun. The boy caught up to Haknyeon’s dad, and they poured the mixture of grains and vegetables into the feeding trough in the middle of the pigsty.

Both Younghoon and their mother looked up from the food and followed Haknyeon’s gaze outside. Younghoon hid a snicker behind his hand.

“Oh, Jaehyun’s a good friend of Younghoon,” his mom replied cheerfully. “He comes by to help a lot. Your father is getting old, and soon his back won’t let him work like he used to. Could you imagine, we have two healthy sons and yet our neighbour is the only one who comes to help!”

Jaehyun’s a good friend of Younghoon . Haknyeon let the words sink in, but it left a bitter taste on his tongue. He had figured as much, after the previous day, Jaehyun inviting them for drinks and all, but something about it didn’t quite sit right with Haknyeon. Jaehyun used to be his best friend, and that for fifteen years, it was odd that his mom referred to him as Younghoon’s friend now.

“Mom,” Younghoon whined, “You know I can’t work with the pigs, they hate me.”

“I wonder what on earth you did to those pigs for them to hate you,” their mom pinched Younghoon’s cheek. “I’m just teasing you, baby. You make us proud with what you do. Both of you,” she added, sending a warm smile Haknyeon’s way.

The acknowledgement warmed his heart, but it didn’t make the uneasiness disappear. He glanced outside again, seeing his dad and Jaehyun walk back towards the barn. Jaehyun’s t-shirt clung at his sweaty back and shoulders. Heat pooled at Haknyeon’s stomach and he wasn’t able to tear his gaze away until Jaehyun disappeared out of sight, into the barn.

“Haknyeon-ah,” his mother called. “Why don’t you go help out your father feed the pigs? Younghoon and I will take care of the meal, you should help them so we can eat all together when it’s ready.”

Haknyeon’s eyes blew wide. He turned to his mom and brother, unable to help the slight panic from rising in his chest.

“I know it’s been a while, but you’ve got pig’s blood in your veins, baby!” his mom teased. “You used to be so good with the animals when you were younger. Your father and Jaehyun will show you everything you forgot while you were away, don’t worry.”

“Nyeon-ie, you remember Jaehyun, right?” Younghoon asked, but there was a teasing to his voice, and Haknyeon’s jaw dropped in disbelief at the betrayal he felt from his brother. Younghoon stifled a laugh.

“He’s the neighbours’ son, you played with him every day when you were little,” their mom supplied, slowly catching up to Younghoon’s amused expression. “Ay, of course you remember, don’t you?” she smiled.

Haknyeon knew he didn’t have a choice. He held back a groan, and sooner than he would have liked, he was walking into the barn with his brother’s boots in his feet. They made him walk funny, and the uneven ground shaped by the hundreds of pigs that walked in and out of that doorway every day didn’t help.

His father looked more than glad to see him arrive. It was their first time seeing each other since the previous Chinese New Year celebrations. Jaehyun was busy in the back of the barn, but he looked up at Haknyeon’s entrance and sent a friendly wave of the hand.

After a brief hug and a short exchange of greetings, his father pointed him to the enclosure gate, the well-kept barrier being the only thing that separated them from the animals. It was time to let the pigs go outside so that they could clean the barn, and Haknyeon remembered how much he loved that task as a kid. His father would lift the fence and let Haknyeon guide the pigs outside, and Haknyeon would always find time to pet the younger animals and feed them some dehydrated vegetables he had hidden in his pockets.

It was definitely less fun now, the pigs didn’t seem to run as fast as they used to, not even sparing Haknyeon a glance on their way out. Haknyeon held the barn doors open until every single animal had made it into the outdoors pigsty and his father came out of the barn after them, clasping a hand on Haknyeon’s shoulder.

“Son, I’m going to do the health check-ups while they’re outside, you go and help Jaehyun clean the barn and replace the old hay. He’ll show you what to do.”

His father smiled brightly at him, and in a flash Haknyeon was reminded of why everyone always said he took after his father.

He watched him walk towards the pigsty, and Haknyeon hobbled back into the barn.

Jaehyun was already into the empty enclosure, ankles-deep in a mix of mud and soiled hay, scraping the ground with a rake. He leaned on its handle at the sight of Haknyeon, grinning lazily.

“Hey, piggy boy!”

Haknyeon glared at him. “You’re the one that’s knees-deep in pig dung right now,” Haknyeon pointed out.

Jaehyun laughed, glancing down at himself. He lifted a leg up, and his boot made a squelching sound, brown mud stuck all over the foot.

“I have a feeling you can’t wait to join me,” Jaehyun winked at Haknyeon. “Your dad keeps the rakes over there, come help, it’ll be done quicker!”

Jaehyun’s enthusiasm made Haknyeon turn a blind eye at how weird this situation was. He went to fetch another rake, and immediately started to work. The sound of silence was way too crushing when it was just the two of them in such a huge and closed space, so Jaehyun showed him where his father kept his old radio, and they put some music on to distract themselves from the fact that they hadn’t spoken to each other in years.

It took over an hour for them to clean and spread some fresh hay into the pigs’ space. Haknyeon had never sweated this much in his entire life, it seemed, even his hands were sweaty, there was no way for him to wipe his forehead without feeling even more gross than he already did. Next to him, hanging up his rake with a satisfied smile on his face was Jaehyun, looking as if he hadn’t even lifted a finger in the whole hour. He looked like he’d be ready to pose for a magazine cover, even despite the sheer layer of sweat making his face glow.

Now that they were side by side, it was painfully evident just how much taller and muscular Jaehyun had become with the years, and Haknyeon suddenly felt even smaller in his brother’s oversized boots. Jaehyun was speaking, something about how they were done for the afternoon and how his favourite part of helping out came in the evening, when it was time to bring the pigs back inside, and how one time he had helped Younghoon clean the animals and they both had ended up more soaked than the pigs. 

Haknyeon followed mindlessly after him, his brain still struggling to comprehend the bizarre sort of altered reality he had walked into by coming back home. This couldn’t be the Jaehyun that had been his best friend in childhood, the kid who was so scared of pigs their oinks alone had once made him burst into tears. This also couldn’t be the Jaehyun who mocked Younghoon for being too good of a student, too perfect of a son, too well-behaved for Jaehyun’s liking.

They came out by the back of the barn, where Jaehyun grabbed a hose to rinse off his rubber boots. He looked like he’d done that all his life. He then handed the hose to Haknyeon, and Haknyeon must have been so obviously clumsy with it that Jaehyun didn’t hesitate to grab it from him and help him, telling Haknyeon to sit down on a bucket while Jaehyun expertly sprayed water on his boots.

By the time Younghoon and Haknyeon left their parents’ house to drive back to the city, Haknyeon’s phone had been flooded by text messages; apparently, one of his college friends had a new girlfriend and it was a very big deal because she was friends with the guy one of their other friends’ ex boyfriend had cheated on him with. Or something like that, but the drama of it all seemed so far away from him now that Haknyeon left the group chat on read. As he was about to turn off his phone, he noticed he had two more notifications, coming from Lee Juyeon and Ji Changmin. They had heard Haknyeon was back in Jeju and wanted to meet up. Haknyeon smiled and replied to them both; he was free tonight, and his brother would probably appreciate the baby-sitting break. Juyeon said he’d throw a small party at his house, and when Haknyeon relayed the information back to Changmin, the younger replied with a thumbs up.

While Juyeon and Changmin hadn’t been Haknyeon’s best friends in Jeju, they had been close enough that he had missed them while abroad. They hadn’t stayed in touch on a personal level, but at least Juyeon and Changmin had instagram accounts that they updated frequently, and that allowed Haknyeon to feel like he was somewhat up to date with their lives.

Haknyeon was still a little anxious to part ways with his brother after the sun came down. Younghoon seemed happy that Haknyeon was meeting up with old friends, and Haknyeon was excited to see them, but it had been years. They had all kept growing up together while he was away, and Haknyeon had never felt more like an outsider in his hometown.

There weren’t that many of them in Juyeon’s cramped apartment, and for that Haknyeon was grateful. He recognized every single face in the room, and after spending under an hour with these people, it felt as though he had known them his entire life. Like time had stopped when Haknyeon had left, and started again now that they were reunited. Although, Haknyeon was surprised to learn that Changmin and Eric lived together now, and that Juyeon was newly teaching at the local elementary school.

He exchanged numbers with everyone and made flimsy promises to hang out again soon. 

Exhausted, but with a satisfied smile on his lips, Haknyeon made it back to his brother’s apartment. He punched the code onto the keypad, and it took a few seconds for the gadget to unlock, the light flickering to green. Haknyeon pushed the door open, lazily slipping his shoes off and tossing them to the side.

His face dropped instantly when his eyes met the sight of Younghoon and Jaehyun on the couch right across the front door. They were watching something on the television, a blanket spread out on their laps, but there was more talking and laughing than listening involved. Jaehyun’s head was thrown back against the couch, the light from the television making the column of his neck appear even paler, and Younghoon was midway through the retelling of some story Haknyeon didn’t know.

Younghoon interrupted himself only after he heard the sound of the door closing behind Haknyeon. He greeted him cheerfully, even inviting him to come watch whatever movie he and Jaehyun had picked. Haknyeon glanced between the two of them for a second, and Jaehyun’s frozen smile turned awkward.

“Hey, no worries Younghoon-ie, I’ll leave you two brothers together,” he clapped his hands and stood up, slipping his jacket back over his shoulders.

“What?” Younghoon pouted. “Jaehyun, you can stay! Haknyeon-ie doesn’t mind, right?”

Haknyeon gave a shrug of the shoulders. “Whatever,” he mumbled, and hurried towards Younghoon’s bedroom before the situation could turn even more awkward.

Five minutes later, a soft knock on the door pulled Haknyeon out of his thoughts.

“Jaehyun’s gone, it’s just me,” Younghoon’s gentle voice spoke through the wood. “Can I come in?”

Haknyeon scooted back into the pillows, eyes boring holes through the door. He didn’t know why he was reacting like this, perhaps he felt a little jealous. Very jealous.

Jaehyun shouldn’t have been hanging out with his brother at the apartment tonight. He should have been at Juyeon’s apartment, with all of Haknyeon’s childhood friends, celebrating Haknyeon’s return to Jeju and getting drunk on fond memories and catching up through teenage drinking games. Jaehyun should have been with him instead.

The door creaked open, slowly revealing Younghoon. Haknyeon didn’t budge, and Younghoon took it as an invitation to climb onto the mattress and throw his back halfway across Haknyeon’s lap like a little puppy. Haknyeon groaned under his brother’s weight.

“How was the party?” Younghoon asked like he was genuinely interested, his round eyes looking up at Haknyeon’s sulking face.

“It was nice,” Haknyeon replied. Because it was true. Even if Jaehyun had been missing.

“Okay, so why are you making that face?” Younghoon pushed a little, but still using the soft tone of his voice that made Haknyeon comfortable.

“I’m not making a face.”

“Nyeon-ie....”

“Jaehyun hyung was also one of my childhood friends,” Haknyeon finally exhaled, avoiding to meet Younghoon’s gaze. “Everyone was there, except for him.”

Younghoon frowned, but didn’t say anything.

“But it’s okay, he’s got friends his age now or whatever,” Haknyeon continued after a beat. “That’s probably what happened after I left, he moved on to college and met new people there, and he forgot about everyone younger who was still in high school. Which is fine. He must have been sick of hanging out with kids. Mom and dad always wondered why he was my friend and not yours.” Haknyeon laughed bitterly at the memory. 

An uncomfortable silence settled between them. Younghoon was biting his lips, and Haknyeon let his gaze wander off to the bookshelves where Younghoon kept his fantasy and romance novels.

“It’s true I got closer to him in college,” Younghoon finally admitted. Haknyeon looked down at him. “We shared a bunch of classes, and we went to the same parties. We didn’t mingle with high schoolers, we were growing up faster than them. Jaehyun still hung out with his old friends on the weekends sometimes, but he told us it just wasn’t the same. Didn’t say why, but we guessed he had matured faster than they did, even though, well, he’s Jaehyun, and sometimes he feels a bit like a younger brother to us still.”

Younghoon had a small smile on his face, and Haknyeon could guess just how close his brother and Jaehyun must have gotten during his absence. His stomach churned at the thought that Jaehyun had replaced him with his older brother, older and taller and more handsome than Haknyeon was. Younghoon had always been popular, even though he was a lot more introverted than Haknyeon was. But Younghoon had obviously blossomed into adulthood while Haknyeon was away, becoming even more handsome as a man and more confident in himself too. Haknyeon felt smaller next to him, and maybe he could understand how Jaehyun had so easily fallen for his brother.

They seemed so close now, maybe even closer than Haknyeon and Jaehyun had been back in the days. It had felt weird to see them be so casual with each other in the living room, like two old friends so comfortable together that just staying at home was enough, or, maybe…

“Hyung…” Haknyeon trailed off. He took a breath in, willing his shoulders to relax and his jaw to unclench. “Do you like him?”

The look Younghoon gave him was nothing but surprised, his eyes blowing wide and his lips parting in shock. Then, as fast as he had reacted, he started laughing quietly, punching a fist into Haknyeon’s arm. 

“Yah, don’t say weird stuff. We’re just friends.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Haknyeon raised an eyebrow. “You like him.”

“I don’t!” Younghoon protested. His cheeks reddened and he pursed his lips. “Well, he is good-looking, and maybe I did have something for him in the beginning but that’s all gone now, I swear!”

Haknyeon’s face broke into a grin. “You used to have a crush on him?” This was news. Everyone had a crush on Lee Jaehyun, that wasn’t a secret, but the fact that his own brother had fallen for him at some point was funny, and Haknyeon knew he would definitely be using that information against him.

“Yeah, I did, but it doesn’t matter now. He’s not my type. Why are you so invested in this?”

“Just because,” Haknyeon replied nonchalantly. His heart was beating faster now, knowing that there was nothing between Jaehyun and Younghoon was great news. But why was he so happy about that? Wasn't he supposed to be sad Jaehyun hadn’t come to Juyeon’s party?

“He doesn’t know how to process the fact that you’re back,” Younghoon answered his silent question. “He’s not sure where he stands with you now. He was sad after you stopped texting him, you know… you were his best friend.”

“After I stopped texting him?” Haknyeon asked, incredulous. “He started ignoring me when he started partying all the time. He’s the reason we stopped being friends. It wasn’t my fault.”

Younghoon hummed in understanding.

“Maybe you both have some explaining to do, then.”

On Monday, Younghoon went back to work at the local hospital, and Haknyeon took it upon himself to make sure his presence as a guest wasn’t a nuisance. He spent the morning doing some grocery shopping and familiarizing himself with all the new markets and shops near Younghoon’s apartment. He cleaned the apartment a little, before he got bored and spent the afternoon playing video games online with his Hong Kong friends. He already felt a bit rusty with his Chinese, but it was nice to hear about the latest drama his friends were going through.

On Tuesday, Haknyeon went back to his parents’ house to sort through the boxes of his stuff that had finally arrived, making sure nothing had gotten lost in transit. He helped around the farm the best he could, and ate the best home cooked meal he had ever had with just him and his parents.

Wednesday and Thursday were spent apartment-shopping and job-hunting, although the whole ordeal only left him feeling empty. What did he care to work at a law firm in a city he knew nothing about? How could he choose a new place for himself, his first apartment, when he knew nothing of the neighbourhoods and the people that brought the town to life?

The end of the week came before Haknyeon could realize, when Younghoon entered the apartment visibly exhausted from his day at work, throwing himself next to Haknyeon on the couch. Haknyeon placed the book he had picked up from Younghoon’s bedroom to the side, and helped Younghoon shimmy off his hospital blouse. At least this time he had a shirt underneath.

“Jacob’s performing at this pub tonight,” Younghoon informed him as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “We always go see his gigs, do you wanna come?”

Haknyeon squinted at him. “Who’s “we”?”

“Usually Sangyeon hyung, Jaehyun and I, but Sangyeon hyung’s in Seoul right now, so it’s just gonna be me and Jaehyun. And you, if you want. You could bring a friend, but…” Younghoon sent him a pointed look. Haknyeon looked away before his cheeks could heat up and he knew Younghoon could spot the embarrassment on his face.

For the first time of his life, he was getting anxious at the prospect of meeting someone.

The pub was a small place squeezed in between a hotel and a restaurant that was closed for the evening. They walked the ten minutes it took to get there from Younghoon’s apartment, and thankfully summer was well upon them so the air was comfortable enough even though the night had fallen.

The inside of the pub was even smaller than the outer facade of it led to think, with only a few tables and a stage in a corner of the room. Jaehyun had arrived already and was currently sitting with Jacob, both of them with drinks.

The greetings were awkward, to say the least, but the introductions between Haknyeon and Jacob saved the night. Jacob was without a doubt the sweetest person Haknyeon had ever met.

Younghoon ordered them drinks as well, and Haknyeon easily fell into a conversation with Jacob. The older man had lived abroad too, so they found a few shared experiences about landing in a foreign city where you couldn’t even speak the language with full confidence, not knowing anything and barely anyone. Jacob was calm and sincere, and Haknyeon could immediately see how he and Younghoon were friends; although, he couldn’t really see where Jaehyun fit in with them.

The pub slowly started to fill up, and Jacob eventually rose to his feet and bid his goodbyes to the group. It was his hour to perform, Younghoon explained with a proud smile on his face. Haknyeon glanced at Jaehyun and saw the older man bite back a laugh.

Jacob found his spot on the small stage where a guitar was waiting for him. A raven haired boy joined him soon after. Jacob adjusted his mic stand and tuned in his guitar while the other boy settled in front of a keyboard.

“Who’s that?” Haknyeon asked, leaning closer to Younghoon’s ear.

“He’s Kevin,” Jaehyun replied instead. “Jacob’s friend, and the guy he does music with.”

Haknyeon noticed Younghoon’s expression had become uneasy, but he chose not to comment on it.

Few minutes later, the lights in the pub dimmed, and the duo on the stage introduced themselves. Younghoon’s expression brightened again.

Haknyeon didn’t talk much during the performance, mostly because he was stuck sitting between his brother who was clearly absorbed in the music, and a Jaehyun he was still receiving mixed signals from.

The last song ended, and Jaehyun immediately started cheering for his friends, getting up on his feet to clap and whistle loudly. After a moment of hesitation, Younghoon imitated him and cheered as well, although a bit more shyly. Haknyeon stayed seated, and clapped politely.

“I-I’ll go see them,” Younghoon stuttered after the crowd had started to quiet down, and Jaehyun had taken his seat back. “You know, help them pack their things and stuff.”

Haknyeon gave him an encouraging nod, and Younghoon’s face flushed. The tall man disappeared amongst the crowd of the pub, heading towards the stage.

Haknyeon glanced towards Jaehyun and found him smirking, his eyes following his friend even as Younghoon reached the stage, and Jacob who was in the middle of packing his equipment. With Younghoon and Jacob gone, Haknyeon was looking properly at Jaehyun for the first time of the night. The older man sat relaxed in his chair, his beige jacket slipped off one shoulder. He wore a white shirt underneath, the fabric exposing his collarbone. His light brown hair was styled downwards, a side part revealing a bit of his forehead, and his pierced ears were adorned with a pair of silver hanging earrings. His right hand was curled around his beer, and the sleeves of his jacket were rolled up his forearms.

“I wonder if either of them is ever gonna make a move,” Jaehyun suddenly laughed, gaze still not leaving his friends.

The sudden speech took Haknyeon by surprise.

“Who?”

“Younghoon and Jacob,” Jaehyun answered nonchalantly. as though it was the most obvious thing. “Man, it’s so obvious they both have a thing for each other.”

He raised his bottle to his lips, and tilted his head back to drink. Haknyeon could not help but stare, at his childhood best friend, at the grown man sat in front of him. There was an immense sense of familiarity radiating from Jaehyun, and also something else that Haknyeon couldn’t pin point.

“So, how was Hong Kong?”

Haknyeon glanced at Jaehyun’s expression, at his friendly grin and at the hesitance in his eyes.

“It was… great.”

Haknyeon cringed inwardly at his own awkwardness.

“Great,” Jaehyun nodded, eyes dropping to fix his bottle. “That’s great.”

Haknyeon felt guilty for making things awkward between them. Haknyeon wasn’t someone who was ever awkward, with anyone. It had always been easy for him to make friends, to speak to anybody and get his fun from it, but he never had to deal with being short of words, with the feeling of walking on eggshells to make the other person comfortable.

“I made some friends,” he decided sharing some of his experience might make them both loosen up a bit. "Some other exchange students who lived in the dorms, and a guy that lived right out of campus. We went on snowboarding trips on school breaks, and when we got to college we started clubbing together. I graduated college last month, and I always knew I would work in Korea, so I decided it was time for me to come back."

Jaehyun was nodding, his hand twirling the liquid inside his bottle. He looked deep in thoughts, hypnotized by his drink.

"What about you, hyung?"

"Oh, you know, just the usual. Jeju is Jeju, there's not that much to do, no trips or… I hung out with a lot of different people after I started college. I partied a lot, I was friends with everyone and no one at the same time. But I was busy all the time, until I met Jacob and became friends with Younghoon, and I got introduced to Sangyeon hyung. But before that… in senior year I almost fucked up my studies because I partied all the time. You know how my parents are, traditions and everything, they weren't too happy about what I was doing."

Jaehyun gave a shrug, like he was pretending the memories didn't mean anything to him. But Haknyeon still remembered the soft hearted little boy he had grown up with, and he knew disappointing his parents must have been hard on him.

“Is that why you stopped trying to reach me?” 

The older man's expression froze at the accusations. His grip tightened around his bottle, and he sat up in his chair, his posture more defensive than nonchalant now.

"I didn't want to lose our friendship," Jaehyun mumbled. "But for god's sake, Haknyeon. You were all the way in Hong Kong, and I had a life to live here. We both know we needed to live our own experiences."

“It hurt like a bitch when you started ignoring me, hyung," Haknyeon gulped, fists curling into themselves to keep his anger down. "I had no idea what I did wrong for you to start ignoring me. You were my best friend, and I was lost in this big city, with all these scary steps ahead of me … I needed you.”

Jaehyun shook his head. "It was the best for both of us."

“So you don’t have any regrets.” It wasn't a question.

“Of course I do," Jaehyun's gaze shot up towards him. "You were my best friend too, and I cried for a whole week after you left. But I couldn't wait around for you to come back while you were having the time of your life in Hong Kong, I was a teenager, I needed to do my own thing.”

A heavy silence draped over them, creating their own bubble in the middle of the pub. Glasses clinking and people laughing were only distant background noises Haknyeon didn't care about.

"We're not children anymore," Haknyeon spoke. The way he did sounded childish, like he refused to believe Jaehyun had given up on them so easily.

"We're not," Jaehyun agreed. "And, you're here now. To stay, I imagine?"

Haknyeon tried a smile. "That's the plan."

Jaehyun smiled back, then cleared his throat. He put his bottle down on the table, and ran a hand through his light brown hair.

"Haknyeon, I… I'd really like to catch up with you. And… try to be friends again."

"Yeah?" Haknyeon's heartbeat sped up as his hopes spiked up.

"Are you free tomorrow?"

Haknyeon nodded. "If I can get rid of Younghoon hyung for the day, then yeah, I am."

There was a playful glint in Jaehyun's eyes, instantly making him seven years younger, the mischievous best friend Haknyeon had missed so much.

"I can send him off on a date with Cobie," Jaehyun grinned. "He won't even notice his precious dongsaeng went off without him. Problem solved."

"Sounds like a plan. I'll look forward to it."

The couch of Younghoon's apartment was really uncomfortable. The springs dug in his spine and squeaked every time he moved, the fabric dented odd lines across his skin and even folded his legs barely fit in between both armrests. It was probably a good thing he had given Younghoon back his bed, because Younghoon was taller, and the couch was way too small for him.

"Morning!" Younghoon exclaimed, swinging into the living room looking brighter than Haknyeon had ever seen him before ten in the morning.

"Hey," Haknyeon greeted, rolling onto his back. The springs complained loudly under him.

Younghoon was beaming, looking like he’d had the best sleep of his entire life. "I'll make some rice with your favourite sides for breakfast, how does that sound?"

“Huh…” Haknyeon blinked. The sleepy fog slowly cleared away from his mind. "Suspicious?"

Younghoon laughed. "Yah, I've learned to cook even better than mom since I started living alone!"

Haknyeon fake gasped. "Not better than mom!"

They both laughed, and Haknyeon sat up on the couch, rubbing his stiff back and stretching his neck. Younghoon covered his mouth with his fingers, his smile stretching beyond the veil of his hand.

"Okay, okay, maybe not. Go get dressed, it will be ready sooner than you think."

When Haknyeon came out of the bathroom, breakfast was indeed ready, and Younghoon had gone all out; the small table was almost filled with plates of side dishes, from vegetables to meat, enough kimchi to feed an entire family, two cups of steaming hot coffee waiting on each side of the table. Saying that Haknyeon was impressed would be an understatement.

Younghoon pulled out a chair for himself, looking so proud that Haknyeon didn’t have the heart to tease him.

"What are you doing today?" Haknyeon asked innocently.

Younghoon coughed on his rice, blushing furiously.

"Cobie said to meet him at the beach later,” Younghoon confessed with red cheeks.

“Really?” Haknyeon feigned being surprised. “That’s cool, hyung.”

“You think so?” Younghoon squeaked out. He swallowed. “Sorry to be leaving you on your own today. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, we could go check out the museum of–”

“Hyung, it’s fine,” Haknyeon interrupted with a chuckle. “I’ll meet up with a friend.”

“Oh! That’s awesome.”

Younghoon barely seemed to have registered what Haknyeon had said, as he usually would have asked who it was Haknyeon was meeting up with. Haknyeon bit back a laugh. Jaehyun hadn’t lied, it seemed like Younghoon definitely had a little crush on that Jacob guy.

Younghoon left the apartment, checking out his looks ten times in the mirror before Haknyeon took pity on him and gave him his most sincere compliments. He double and triple checked he hadn’t forgotten his phone, his keys, his wallet, that he had nothing stuck in his teeth and that his clothes weren’t wrinkled.

“Hey, c’mon, he’s just your friend, right?” Haknyeon asked, to which Younghoon blushed again and stuttered unconvincing words in agreement.

Fifteen minutes after his brother had left, a knock came on the front door. Haknyeon rolled his eyes.

Classic Younghoon, managing to forget something even though he had gone over his essentials so many times. The only thing he hadn’t done had been to go to the bathroom right before leaving. Right, he had probably come running back home remembering he needed to pee, or something stupid like that.

Then he realized that there had only been three knocks on the door, but Younghoon still hadn’t entered the apartment. He raised an eyebrow.

“You know the code hyung, I’m not getting up just to let you in!” he yelled from the couch.

He heard the beeping sound of numbers being punched into the lock system, and then the door unlocked by itself. It creaked as it opened, and Haknyeon already had a mocking face on, ready to welcome his nervous-wreck of a brother and to make fun of him for the rest of his life.

“Aren’t you gonna be late for your date?” he asked, just as he saw a pair of blue sneakers that didn’t belong to his brother step onto the mat.

“I’m not late though?” Jaehyun’s voice chimed back, the man coming into full view, leaving Haknyeon frozen in surprise.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m picking you up,” Jaehyun replied, hovering in the entrance. “C’mon, don’t make me take my shoes off, I told you to be ready for 10:30.” He had a whiny edge to his voice, so characteristically Jaehyun it made Haknyeon smile.

He glanced at his phone in his hand.

“You’re on time,” he admitted. “But I thought you’d text me to meet you downstairs?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “I was early, so I figured I’d come up. And, well, you did just tell me I could come in.”

One of Jaehyun’s hands was deep into the pocket of his jeans, the other clutching at… a helmet?

“What’s that?” Haknyeon asked as he stood up, pointing to the oversized motorcycle helmet under Jaehyun’s arm.

Jaehyun grinned. He took his other hand out of his pocket, and patted the helmet. “My mom always told me to use protection.”

Haknyeon rolled his eyes, despite the laugh that came out of his mouth. “Okay big guy, what do you need protection for? I thought we were going to catch up. As friends. ”

Jaehyun raised his hands defensively. “Woah, don’t get the wrong idea, I really mean to take you around town! We can always just walk if you want, but with my bike we’ll get places faster.”

Haknyeon slipped his shoes on, snorting to himself. “I didn’t even know you could drive a motorcycle.”

“Lee Jaehyun fact number one: I learned how to drive when I was twenty, and that’s when I bought myself the love of my life with the money I saved from my first part-time job.”

He smiled and handed Haknyeon back his phone. Haknyeon thanked him, sliding the device into his pocket.

“Ju Haknyeon fact number one: I’ve never been on a bike and I don’t trust you with my safety.”

Jaehyun pouted. “Oh, c’mon! I’m a very good driver, everyone says so! Also that was two facts, not one!”

Jaehyun followed Haknyeon into the hallway and closed the door behind them. Haknyeon leaned onto the wall next to the elevator as they waited, cockily crossing his arms over his chest while Jaehyun kept pleading to be given a chance.

“I even drove Younghoon around!” he argued. “You know how little balance that guy has, and he was fine! Never got a scratch!”

The elevator dinged, and Haknyeon and Jaehyun interrupted their discussion to bow to Younghoon's neighbour. They took the woman's place in the elevator, and Haknyeon pressed the ground floor button.

"You said you've been driving since you were twenty?"

Jaehyun nodded. "My parents needed me to do some deliveries around town, and cycling was too tiring. Also it took me to parties and guys thought it was hot."

The older man flashed Haknyeon a shit-eating grin.

"You're into guys?"

Jaehyun stumbled a little as they walked out of the elevator, and Haknyeon held the door for the older to step outside the building.

"Uh. Yeah, I came out after you left, I didn't think… I didn't realize…"

Jaehyun's steps slowed down when they reached the red motorcycle parked on the side of the road. He cleared his throat awkwardly. Haknyeon bumped his shoulder and gave him an amused smile.

"Ju Haknyeon fact number two: I'm also gay. Came out in college."

Jaehyun's eyes widened. "No way! That's hilarious, man. No wonder we were best friends."

Haknyeon grinned. "I should have known. From the first times you turned down girls on Valentine’s day, it should have been obvious."

"Hey, you were worse than me! Didn't you give Kim Sunwoo chocolate in 2nd grade of middle school?"

"Look, I’ll admit my gaydar wasn't fully perfected at that time."

Jaehyun giggled and leaned his upper body on the seat of his motorcycle. 

"Do you have protection for me?" Haknyeon asked, gesturing at the helmet under Jaehyun's arm.

Jaehyun scrambled back to his feet. He lifted the cover of the seat, and pulled out an identical black helmet with a plastic screen for the eyes. Jaehyun handed it to Haknyeon, who took it and wearily inspected the object. It resembled his snowboarding helmets, but it was much more massive, and looked like it would engulf his entire head. 

“Do you need help to put it on?” Jaehyun asked, dropping his own helmet on top of the now closed seat. He took a step towards Haknyeon and reached out to help him, his hands wrapping over Haknyeon’s to hold the helmet. Jaehyun’s hands pressed all over Haknyeon’s much smaller hands, and Haknyeon gulped in surprise at the sudden touch, much too sweet for Haknyeon’s sanity.

“Here, this part goes to the back,” Jaehyun instructed, helping Haknyeon bring the helmet over his head. He guided it down slowly, making sure not to bump Haknyeon’s head by accident. “There you go, is it too big? It’s fine, right? Turn around, I’ll tighten it a little.”

Haknyeon obeyed, making his feet do a 180 on the sidewalk. He was glad the helmet was hiding his reddening cheeks. He held his breath when he felt Jaehyun’s dainty finger brush at the base of his neck, to grab the adjustable strap and the plastic buckle that were meant to secure the helmet on his head.

“Tell me if it’s too tight,” Jaehyun said, and Haknyeon could feel the strap tightening little by little.

“Like that is good,” Haknyeon mumbled. His heart was beating too fast for his liking.

“Great! Just wait for me a second, I need to put mine on.”

Haknyeon turned around again, and saw Jaehyun reach for his own helmet. Haknyeon took a step towards the motorcycle and leaned into the small mirror on the right handlebar, immediately chuckling at his reflection.

“I look like a mushroom,” he giggled.

In the mirror, he saw Jaehyun’s covered head looming behind him, and the older bumped their heads together with a laugh.

“If we crash, you’ll be glad there’s a mushroom to protect your little face,” he teased.

Haknyeon turned around towards Jaehyun, and crossed his arms over his chest. “This doesn’t really make me feel safe, you know.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, just trust the professional here!”

Haknyeon couldn’t really see through the tinted screen of Jaehyun’s helmet, but he could have sworn Jaehyun had just winked. He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop a pleased smile from stretching his lips.

Jaehyun got settled on his motorcycle, and gestured for Haknyeon to sit on the second seat. There was enough space for Haknyeon to climb behind him, but as for most motorcycles, Haknyeon had to press close to Jaehyun’s back, and instinctively wrapped his arms around the older man’s waist to not fall off.

Jaehyun didn’t seem to mind, however, and on second thought Haknyeon figured he must have carried other people in the past, and this wasn’t new to him. It was new to Haknyeon, though, but as he snuggled into Jaehyun’s back he found it was more comfortable than awkward.

“Comfy?” Jaehyun asked with a giggle.

Haknyeon coughed, embarrassed. “I’m not falling off this thing, that’s all. If I go down, you go down with me.”

“Got it,” Jaehyun laughed. “I didn’t really have a plan as to where I want to bring you so, huh, tap my shoulder if you want to stop somewhere?”

Haknyeon laughed and shook his head in disbelief. “You’ve never been fond of planning, have you? I visited most of town with Younghoon hyung anyway, let’s just go somewhere you like.”

They set off, and Haknyeon hugged even tighter around Jaehyun’s stomach if that was possible. But admittedly, he felt very safe, with the way Jaehyun was driving with so much ease. The streets were nowhere near as busy as Hong Kong’s streets, and the weather was beautiful. The familiar perfumes of Jeju seeped inside the bubble of his helmet, along with the occasional subtle whiffs of Jaehyun’s cologne. 

The motorcycle slowed down once they reached the beachfront, and Haknyeon could tell they had driven somewhere east of the town, a little away from the tourist beaches, and into the citizen-owned part of the beach, less busy but more inviting. 

Jaehyun parked in front of a shop, and Haknyeon let go of his waist so that they could both get off the motorcycle. He stumbled on his feet and onto the sidewalk. Jaehyun removed his helmet and revealed his dishevelled hair, which he combed down with his fingers. The result wasn’t perfect, but it was, somehow.

Haknyeon struggled to remove Jaehyun’s spare helmet, but once he did, he didn’t have to check in the mirror to know his hair had suffered the same fate as Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun teased him for it while tucking the helmet into the seat. Haknyeon huffed, and quickly fixed the wild strands of his hair.

They walked for a while past fish markets and coffee shops, some Haknyeon knew and many more he didn’t. Jaehyun seemed like he had a destination in mind, so Haknyeon followed along, easily falling into banter with the older man. For the most part, their dynamic was the same as it had always been, with Haknyeon feeling like he could say anything he wanted and Jaehyun would play along, never one second being boring as long as they were talking. And when they paused their stories to catch their breaths, it was still comfortable, like the comfort of meeting an old friend after a long time, which was exactly what was happening, after all.

“I didn’t meet a single Korean student until my first year of college,” Haknyeon was telling. “I was so relieved, I didn’t even speak Korean at home, you know, my aunt’s kids knew only Chinese. But the guy turned out to be an entitled asshole, made everything about his grades and his rich dad, and he made fun of one of our friends behind her back because she was there on a scholarship. So, yeah, the only Korean I spoke in seven years was on the phone with my parents and Younghoon hyung, and once to put that guy back in his place.”

“So that’s why you’ve got an accent,” Jaehyun clicked his tongue as if he’d just gotten some grand revelation.

“I don’t!” Haknyeon protested, shoving Jaehyun to the side.

“But you do!” Jaehyun grinned. “Say “scholarship” again.”

“No!”

“Say it!”

Haknyeon rolled his eyes. “ Scholarship .”

“Scho-larrrrship!” Jaehyun exaggerated, before bursting into laughter at his own silliness. 

Haknyeon wasn’t impressed. “You’re totally just making it up.”

“Hey, I’m not, I’m not!” Jaehyun laughed, his eyes disappearing into crescent moons. “I’ll call Younghoon to prove I’m right, just wait!”

“And interrupt his little date?” Haknyeon grabbed Jaehyun’s wrist to push his phone back down his pocket. “You have no idea how excited he was this morning, I’ve never seen him like that. Let’s not ruin his moment.”

Jaehyun chuckled, and shook his head with a sigh. “I really hope things work out for them,” he said. There was a hint of something in his eyes, and it troubled Haknyeon that he wasn’t able to identify what it was. He thought after all these years he still knew Jaehyun like the back of his hand, but Jaehyun was proving him wrong once again.

"Here!" Jaehyun suddenly exclaimed, making a sharp turn right. He pulled Haknyeon with him by the arm, and Haknyeon glanced in front of them to where there was a recently built tattoo parlour. Haknyeon brutally stopped walking, frowning at Jaehyun in confusion.

“Tattoos?” he asked, scanning Jaehyun’s exposed arms for any trace of ink.

“I don’t have any, if that’s what you’re searching for,” Jaehyun told him, making Haknyeon look back at Jaehyun’s face so quickly it was embarrassing. “Sangyeon hyung’s brother owns this place, c’mon, I’ll show you.”

They entered the small boutique, and Jaehyun waved excitedly at a girl behind the counter.

“Hi noona!”

The girl looked up, and grinned lazily. “Hey, Jaehyun, are you here for tattoos yet?”

Jaehyun laughed. “Not today, I just brought a friend,” he said, gesturing at Haknyeon. “Is it okay if we go in the back?”

The girl nodded. “Sure, go ahead.”

Haknyeon stuck close to Jaehyun as they crossed the shop. The drawings of skulls and daggers, snakes and dragons and other terrifying creatures were all over the walls and painted over the furniture, making Haknyeon feel a little uneasy.

It wasn’t long before they reached the back door of the place, and Jaehyun pushed it open, making the sunlight flood into the dark tattoo shop, blinding Haknyeon for a second or two. He stepped outside after Jaehyun, stumbling down a step he hadn’t noticed, and they landed in an open space, a small garden guarded by fences on two sides, and that led to the side of a tiny white house just across. Jaehyun dropped himself on a bench and Haknyeon sat beside him.

“Where even are we?” he asked, incredulous. This didn’t even seem like Jeju, it looked more like a miniature version of the royal gardens he would see in fantasy movies. Not one place where his gaze landed did he not see flowers, or majestic plants, and on the bench they were protected from the sun by the leaves of a tall tree.

Jaehyun leaned back against the bench, and turned only his head to look at Haknyeon. “Sangyeon hyung’s parents take care of it,” he explained. “They live in that house, and since their son bought the store we just came from, they had the garden fenced. Look, they grow their own carrots over there,” Jaehyun pointed at the sun-lit area of the garden, where a patch of soil stood, few leaves sprouting from the earth.

“It’s really cute,” Haknyeon noted. He lacked better words to describe how comfortable this place felt, how intimate too. Alone with Jaehyun, it felt like they were in their own world, miles and miles away from Jeju.

“I wanted to bring you here since you said Younghoon made you visit everything already. He told me you didn’t look very enthusiastic even when he brought you to his favourite restaurants.”

Haknyeon looked down at the flat stones under his feet, and shrugged.

“It was just… weird, hearing him talk about all these new places and what they meant to him, while all the places that ever meant anything to me are gone.”

The wind was creating a gentle rustling noise from the leaves in the tree, easily drowning the sound of cars driving by on the main road.

“How about we forget Younghoon for a bit?” Jaehyun suggested. “Today’s not about what these places mean to him, it’s about what they’ll mean to you .” His finger poked playfully at Haknyeon’s chest, and Haknyeon giggled away from the attack. 

“One thing I’m sure is he didn’t show you this place,” Jaehyun continued. “So I thought to start here. Clean slate for you, and fresh restart to friendship for us.”

Haknyeon smiled. He had missed hanging out with Jaehyun, and how easy everything felt. He took a moment to glance around the garden, and breathe in the fresh scent of the flowers all around them. This felt like a nice new beginning, a good place to forget about their past disagreements and start new.

“How often do you come here?” Haknyeon asked, looking back at Jaehyun.

Jaehyun frowned pensively, his mouth curving into a slight pout.

“Not that often,” the older said. “I used to come here more, back in college. I never came alone. With Sangyeon hyung, of course, and, huh… with Jacob. I never came here with Younghoon.”

“Really?” Haknyeon raised an eyebrow, leaning his back against the bench. “I thought you and my brother were pretty close.”

“We are!” Jaehyun exclaimed defensively. “I just never had a reason to come here with him, that’s all.”

Haknyeon wanted to know more, but he didn’t push.

They sat in the middle of the garden, talking about the years they had been apart. Talking about his years in Hong Kong with Jaehyun felt different than talking about them with Younghoon; while Younghoon was a great listener, Jaehyun was great at reacting, and often Haknyeon found his mind drifting to how different things would have been if Jaehyun had been there with him, during his high school and college years. Jaehyun’s own tales were full of surprises and things so utterly Jaehyun that Haknyeon could easily imagine himself living these stories out with Jaehyun. They had been separated, but they had never been apart. They closed in on seven years of distance in under an hour, by the end of which Haknyeon’s legs were folded comfortably on the bench, and Jaehyun’s hand playfully slapped his thigh every time he laughed or got embarrassed.

By the time they left the garden, Haknyeon’s cheeks were hurting from how much he had been smiling.

They walked back through the tattoo parlour and into the street, no more busy than it had been two hours ago. The beach spread out in front of them across the road, and if Haknyeon glanced to his left he could get a glimpse of the town port and the dozens of boat masts swaying along with the waves.

He remembered many summers spent on that beach, with Jaehyun and some of their friends, playing in the sand and swimming until the sun came down and they had to rush to bicycle back home before night fell completely. Haknyeon always pedaled faster than Jaehyun, especially when they had to cycle up the hill right before the street they lived on. Haknyeon would reach the top first, and wait for Jaehyun to catch up to rub his victory in his friend’s face.

“Hey, you wanna go eat somewhere?” Jaehyun asked just as Haknyeon noticed the red motorcycle parked in the distance.

“I could eat anywhere, hyung,” Haknyeon laughed. “What do you have in mind?”

“I’m not telling you,” Jaehyun grinned, “but I think you’ll like it.”

They walked past the motorcycle and farther away from the beach. These streets were familiar to Haknyeon, but the scenery was far too different from what he remembered for him to identify where they were going. Probably to some new restaurant anyway, somewhere Jaehyun had grown to love during Haknyeon’s absence and that he was excited to introduce Haknyeon to. Because excited he was, judging from how light his steps were, and how fast he had started talking, something about his high school graduation party and a really nice girl, Haknyeon wasn’t really listening.

“Close your eyes!” Jaehyun suddenly exclaimed, and before Haknyeon could react there were two hands covering his eyes, and Jaehyun’s chest pressed way too close to his back.

“What are you doing?” Haknyeon asked, more nervous than he would have liked. He reached to grab Jaehyun’s wrists, but Jaehyun wouldn’t budge.

“We’re almost here, just turn this way,” the older instructed, and manoeuvered them in a different direction. The slight spin was enough to completely confuse Haknyeon, and he gripped tighter around Jaehyun’s wrists.

“ Hyung. ”

“Tadaa!”

Jaehyun’s hands came off in one movement, the light making Haknyeon dizzy for a second. One of Jaehyun’s arms wrapped around his shoulder, and his other hand pointed in front of them, Haknyeon had to squint to follow the line of his finger.

“You remember, right?” Jaehyun asked. “I know it’s a little different from what it used to be, but I promise you, the food is just as good.”

Haknyeon blinked a few times. Across the street, right above the entrance door of a modern-looking building, an old sign read Choi Family Restaurant .

Haknyeon’s jaw dropped, and he turned towards Jaehyun.

“B-But I thought… I thought auntie Choi…”

Jaehyun nodded. “I know, I know,” he sighed. “Her niece came back from Busan last year and reopened the restaurant here, closer to the beach. Apparently it was her aunt’s dream.”

Haknyeon stared at the building, the old sign an odd contrast with the tall office tower right above, the perfectly aligned and clean windows decorating the facade of the five stories tall building looking like they would easily crush the small restaurant on the first floor. Haknyeon felt a hand squeezing his shoulder, and he looked to the side at Jaehyun, who smiled down at him.

“I think it’s a good combination of the past and the present,” the older explained. “I know you miss the places you grew up with, and… well, it’s not exactly the same as auntie Choi’s, but I find it familiar enough, in a way. I come here a lot, but I don’t really tell anyone what this place means to me.”

It meant a lot to Haknyeon that Jaehyun would share this secret with him, that even after so many years apart, they could still share something just between them. It felt like he still had Jaehyun’s trust, for the older to confide in him how sentimental this place was to him. Seeing the old sign brought back so many memories to Haknyeon, of the original restaurant only a few blocks away from his parents’ house, of the many meals he had shared there with his childhood best friend.

“Let’s go, I’m hungry,” Jaehyun patted his shoulder and led him towards the front door.

They stepped into the restaurant and were immediately greeted by a young part-timer, who gave them a seat at a wobbly table near the window. Haknyeon’s fingers grazed the wooden surface, and he wondered for a second if it was the same furniture that had been brought in from the old restaurant. The chair felt smaller than he remembered, however, and somehow less comfortable. But Haknyeon wasn’t one to complain about such things, so he looked up at Jaehyun, only to find the older already staring at him.

Jaehyun blinked in surprise, and looked away quickly. Haknyeon had to hold back a laugh.

They ordered food and started to dig in as soon as they received it, the mouth-watering smells just as comforting as they were after a long day of middle school, the tastes dancing in Haknyeon’s mouth as familiar as a home-cooked meal. But still, when he looked across the table at Jaehyun, he wasn’t able to dive back far enough into his memories to be able to see his childhood best friend in his messy uniform, the trace of acne starting to bloom on his face, curly hair sticking out in all directions.

No matter how much Haknyeon stared, he couldn’t get past 23 year old Jaehyun and his delicate, mature features, his well-kept hair combed in a faux-messy style, the silver chain hidden underneath his shirt. No matter how close they had been in the past, Haknyeon had still so much to learn about this Jaehyun.

It was plain enough to understand that they were not best friends anymore. It was a different feeling that flowed between them, their connection still as deep, but now that they were adults, there was something more to it. Like Haknyeon knew there was a side to Jaehyun that he still had yet to uncover, and a foreign feeling of longing he felt to chase after it. Attraction.

“Brings back memories, huh?” Jaehyun smiled, setting his chopsticks down.

Haknyeon eyed Jaehyun as he drank a bit of soju.

“I don’t recall you ever drinking alcohol after school,” he smirked. “Your mom would have had your head.”

“Yah, you know that’s not what I meant!” Jaehyun slapped Haknyeon’s arm in fake annoyance.

Haknyeon laughed, and pulled out his tongue. Jaehyun glared at him over an exaggeratedly big gulp of soju.

“You know…” Haknyeon cleared his throat. He let his gaze wander at the restaurant, at the young employees he didn’t recognize and at the familiar paintings and pictures on the wall. “When I first got here with Younghoon hyung, I was totally stuck in the past. I expected everything to still be the same, and I hated every change I saw. But I think I’m ready to move on now.”

Jaehyun carefully placed his glass down.

“What do you mean? Is it because I brought you here? Haknyeon-ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“No, hyung, I’m… really, really thankful you showed me this place.”

“Oh.”

Jaehyun’s smile instantly came back. It made Haknyeon smile too.

“What does this place mean to you?”

“You wanna know?”

Haknyeon gave an encouraging nod.

“I’m… the first person I brought here was Jacob,” Jaehyun blushed. He then cleared his throat, and looked away, hiding his embarrassment behind a shy smile.

The pieces were starting to click together in Haknyeon’s mind. 

“Jacob…"

"Was my first boyfriend, yes,” Jaehyun completed. “We dated for a year."

Jaehyun looked so nonchalant about it, it made Haknyeon frown. Jaehyun rarely acted like he wasn’t affected by something, unless he was truly affected by it.

“Circumstances brought us together, but we weren’t made for each other. Our break up was a mutual decision, and we decided to stay friends. I don’t think we had much of a choice, since our closest friends were friends too,” Jaehyun laughed half-heartedly. “It was tough in the beginning, but it’s all better now. He’s… just a really great friend who knows a little too well what my ass looks like.”

Haknyeon snorted a laugh, and after a second, Jaehyun burst into laughter too.

“I’ll drink to that,” Haknyeon raised his glass. Jaehyun did the same, and they drank, before they started laughing again.

“What about you?” Jaehyun asked. “Any first boyfriends you want to talk about?”

Haknyeon chuckled at the bluntness of the question, but he didn’t hold it against Jaehyun. Their friendship had always been like that, up until Haknyeon had left for Hong Kong; they were so open with each other, spilling their most embarrassing secrets without fear, because they knew they would laugh it off together eventually anyway. They had always shared that philosophy that it was better to laugh about something than cry about it. When Haknyeon cheated on a test for the first time in elementary school, he told Jaehyun the same afternoon, to rid himself of the guilt of what he had done. Jaehyun laughed at him and called him a coward for being so scared of getting caught, and then told Haknyeon of the extra banana milk he had stolen during lunch.

Haknyeon rarely ever thought of his first boyfriend anymore.

“It was a secret relationship kind of thing, in first year of college. The guy I was seeing wasn’t out, and neither was I. We barely saw each other, it felt more like a fling rather than a real relationship. Still, I was devastated when he left me, but two weeks later he was walking around campus openly making out with his new boyfriend. So, yeah, that was my first heartbreak, and also my coming out story.”

“Ouch,” Jaehyun winced. “That’s rough.”

Haknyeon shrugged. “He was a bad kisser anyway.”

He waited a few seconds, during which Jaehyun stared at him, awkward like he didn’t know how to react, until Haknyeon finally rolled his eyes and shot him a smug smile, which had Jaehyun groaning in annoyance.

“Not fair, I actually thought you were getting sad for a second!”

“Ju Haknyeon fact number twenty-four: I don’t get sad over assholes.”

Jaehyun laughed. “Okay, then Lee Jaehyun fact number… what was it? Thirty-two? I took boxing lessons for one semester in college and I won’t hesitate to use those skills to beat that guy up if I ever meet him.”

“Living with you is not a viable option,” Haknyeon groaned, rolling off the couch and straight onto the floor.

“Nyeon-ie,” Younghoon pouted and helped him get back on his feet. “I told you, we can share my bed for as long as you need.”

“I’m never sharing a bed with you,” Haknyeon glared. “You sleep-talker. Also, you have a boyfriend now, I need to move out of here before he starts to come over.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Younghoon shrieked, following Haknyeon into the kitchen.

Haknyeon tiredly poured himself a bowl of cereal and started eating right at the counter, with Younghoon staring at him with red cheeks from the other side of the island.

“Hmm,” Haknyeon nodded dismissively.

“Nyeon-ie!” Younghoon whined. “I’m sorry I left you alone to go to Busan with Jacob last weekend but you encouraged me to go! And we went, as friends! N-nothing more!”

“Is that what you told him when you walked down the beach together at sunset? Oh, Jacob, what a great friend you are! No wonder you’re still single.”

Younghoon bit his lips, and ducked his face in his hands. “I just don’t know if he likes me back,” he mumbled into his palms. Haknyeon chuckled.

“Right, because he’s clearly not being obvious enough. Hyung, remind me how these flowers landed in your apartment?” Haknyeon asked, his fingers brushing over the white petals of the camellias sitting prettily in a vase in the middle of the narrow kitchen island.

“He said it would brighten up the place for both of us,” Younghoon glared at Haknyeon.

Haknyeon’s patience was running thin, but he forced himself to smile gently at his oblivious brother.

“And when he brought you to dinner in the middle of the week?”

“H-his fridge was empty-”

“And when he baked you cookies because your favorite bakery was closed for the day? The evening you let him come over and paint your nails? Your movie marathon at his place after his Friday gig?”

Younghoon gasped.

“Oh my god.”

His cheeks turned ever darker, and he hid in his hands again. Haknyeon finished his cereals in two big spoonfuls, and threw his bowl into the sink.

“I’m an idiot,” Younghoon whined. “I’m so embarrassed. I can never face him again.”

“Hyung,” he chuckled at his brother’s despair. “You know you’ll see him tonight, right? At the pub?”

Judging by the width his eyes grew to, Younghoon had in fact forgotten about Jacob’s weekly gigs at the pub.

Suddenly, they heard three loud knocks on the door, making Younghoon’s shoulders jump in surprise.

“I’m here!” a voice exclaimed.

As soon as he realized it was Jaehyun, Haknyeon bolted for the bathroom. The last thing he wanted on this Friday morning was for Jaehyun to see him in his fresh-out-of-bed state, an old university sweatshirt and his blue striped pink boxers, face bloated and his hair all over the place.

Through the bathroom door, he heard Jaehyun exchanging greetings with Younghoon, although the latter sounded a little confused. He told Jaehyun that Haknyeon was in the bathroom, and after that the two friends broke into friendly chatter, which Haknyeon tuned out in favour of showering.

Haknyeon cursed himself for the clothes he had picked out the previous day, the hoodie and the sweatpants hanging over the towel bar not exactly his most flattering outfit. He put on the purple set and finished his morning routine, carefully walking out of the bathroom with a small white towel in hand for his damp hair.

There on the couch where he had been sleeping for the past two weeks, Jaehyun was lounging with his feet on the coffee table, making himself at home with Haknyeon’s blanket over his lap and a random variety show on the television.

Haknyeon’s steps made the floorboards creak, and Jaehyun’s head turned in his direction.

“Good morning sunshine!” he teased.

“Where’s Younghoon hyung?” Haknyeon frowned instead of returning the quick banter.

Jaehyun turned around on the couch to face Haknyeon, his chin leaning on the top of the back cushions. “He left for work, like, ten minutes ago. You take a really long time to shower, by the way. Ju Haknyeon fact number… ninety-six?”

Haknyeon giggled. “I don’t know, I stopped counting at forty.” He brought his small towel over his head, and aggressively rubbed it over his hair to quick-dry it. “Why aren’t you at work?”

“Well, funny story! I’m gonna be working on Sunday this week, so they gave me Friday off.”

“Oh. That’s… nice of them?” Haknyeon plainly reacted, still mostly focused on his hair, the longer strands on top trapping a lot more water than the hair at the back of his neck. 

He heard Jaehyun groan, and he stopped his movements to send a questioning look at the older man, worried for a second that his disinterest had offended him.

“God, Haknyeon, is that really how you dry your hair? You’ll damage it if you keep doing that!” He jumped off the couch and padded over to Haknyeon. He yanked the towel out of Haknyeon’s hands, to which Haknyeon let out a cry in protest. “Hey!”

“Come with me, I’ll show you how I do it. You have such pretty hair and I won’t let you ruin it just because you’re too lazy to take proper care of it.”

Haknyeon froze for a second and stared at Jaehyun’s back as his friend disappeared into the tiny bathroom of Younghoon’s apartment, the only words echoing in his mind being Jaehyun’s casual You have such pretty hair . Most of the time Jaehyun spoke out loud without thinking, but rarely did he ever spit out lies so casually.

He thought Haknyeon’s hair was pretty.

“Haknyeon-ie, are you coming or what? I know Younghoon at least owns a blow dryer, where is it?”

Haknyeon finally went to join Jaehyun in the bathroom, finding the older man crouched under the sink with his head into the cabinet.

“I’ve got it!” he exclaimed, and banged his head on the plumery as he tried to come out of the cabinet.

Jaehyun whimpered in pain, one hand clutching at the top of his head and the other firmly holding onto Younghoon’s blow dryer. Haknyeon placed his hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh.

“Aww, hyung,” he laughed as Jaehyun sprawled himself on the floor with a pout. “Want me to kiss it better?”

“Don’t!” Jaehyun blurted out. He sprang up to his feet and slammed the blow dryer onto the counter next to the sink, nearly making Younghoon’s hand cream tumble to the floor. “I’m good, it doesn’t hurt, I was kidding!”

“If you say so,” Haknyeon grinned.

He stepped forward and grabbed the blow dryer to plug it to the wall. It wasn't that he had never used one, but Younghoon’s blow dryer was different from the one his friend used back in her Hong Kong dorm, and the weird buttons on Younghoon’s one only left him puzzled.

“Here, give me that,” Jaehyun said and took the object out of Haknyeon’s hands. Jaehyun moved behind Haknyeon, and grabbed a brush from the counter as well. 

Haknyeon watched him wearily through the mirror, but Jaehyun seemed as serious as ever as he got ready to dry Haknyeon’s hair. Haknyeon could feel some water trickling down his neck, but he didn’t dare move to wipe it off with his hand because of how close Jaehyun was. The bathroom was pretty small.

The first gust of hot air combined with the loud noise of the blow dryer made Haknyeon jump, but Jaehyun didn’t break face, and the brush started to gently comb through the back of Haknyeon’s hair, the hot airstream following the movements of the brush.

Jaehyun looked so concentrated on doing a good job, his dainty fingers brushing Haknyeon’s hair strands down once they were dry, also making sure the roots weren’t damp anymore. The graze of Jaehyun’s fingertips on his nape sent shivers all over Haknyeon’s body, and he was glad for the hoodie he was wearing.

Haknyeon could feel heat rising in the room, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the blow dryer, his warm outfit, or the result of Jaehyun’s proximity driving his brain mad. Probably the third option, if Haknyeon was willing to admit it to himself.

It was weird, to know he was catching feelings so quickly for a guy he had grown up with. His childhood best friend, who knew all of Haknyeon’s embarrassing old memories. It didn’t feel right, how fast his heart was beating at the reflection of Jaehyun’s focused face in the mirror, how hot his cheeks became at the thought that Jaehyun was putting so much effort into this, for him.

“All done!” Jaehyun exclaimed and before Haknyeon knew it, the blow dryer was turned off and Jaehyun was wrapping the cord around the object.

Already? Haknyeon wanted to ask, but he pursed his lips instead.

His eyes grew wide when Jaehyun’s fingers came back to his hair, combing it slightly in a way that resembled a lot Jaehyun’s favored negligé look, but surprisingly, it looked good on Haknyeon. At least, the satisfied smile on Jaehyun’s lips told him as much.

“That’s what I call a crisis averted,” Jaehyun beamed.

They put away the things they had used and walked out of the bathroom, Jaehyun going back to the couch to grab his phone.

“You still didn’t tell me why you came here, though,” Haknyeon pointed out. Carefully, he ran a hand through his smooth hair.

Jaehyun sat onto the armrest and tilted his head to the side. “I thought we could spend my day off together. Unless… you don’t want to?”

It had been a week since Haknyeon had moved out of Younghoon’s apartment to go back to living with his parents instead. At least there he had a bedroom to himself – his old childhood bedroom that he used to share with Younghoon – and all his parents asked of him was a little help on the farm, which wasn’t so unpleasant when Jaehyun swung by to lend a hand as well.

Most of his stuff was still piled into boxes, waiting for him to move somewhere permanently, but at least that meant he had all his things with him in his room.

The low rumble of an engine, now a familiar sound, was what made Haknyeon dash out of the kitchen and outside the house, where he found Jaehyun waiting on his now parked motorcycle. The sun had almost fully set by now, and they were heading to the pub for yet again another one of Jacob’s gigs; no one seemed to ever get tired of the routine, and Haknyeon was starting to enjoy it a lot as well.

Jaehyun handed him a helmet, and at this point Haknyeon knew how to put it on as easily as Jaehyun wore his. He settled behind the older and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Do we have everything?” Jaehyun asked.

“Just my phone, which is all I need because we know Younghoon hyung said drinks were on him tonight.”

Jaehyun paused for a second. “Haknyeon, I don’t think he actually meant that. He was drunk when he said it, and just way too happy to announce he and Jacob had just officially started dating.”

Haknyeon shrugged, even though Jaehyun couldn’t see him. “That’s too bad for him, because I’m drinking for free tonight!”

Jaehyun laughed, shook his head in disbelief, and then they were off to town. The motorcycle sped up on the empty roads meandering under the stars. No matter how many times he had let Jaehyun drive him, Haknyeon still couldn’t get used to how hot it was seeing the amount of control Jaehyun had over his motorcycle. He was almost a completely different person: confident, strong, and acting his age for once. Haknyeon definitely enjoyed snuggling into Jaehyun’s back while the wind raced around them more than he let on.

They parked a few streets down from the pub, in the parking of a closed office tower. They stored the helmets under the seat, and they strolled towards the pub, playfully bumping shoulders and purposefully ruining each other’s hair even more than the helmets already had. Still, Jaehyun always had such a neat and clean-cut appearance, no matter what, it was almost unfair. At least he would help comb Haknyeon’s hair down when they were about to reach their destination.

Oh, and Haknyeon continued to do his best to dry his hair and take care of it so that it was as smooth as when Jaehyun had done it the first time after he’d received so many compliments about it from the older man. You know, seeking the approval of a friend, right?

The pub was as busy as usual, which meant not that much, and they were able to easily find Younghoon, Jacob and Kevin at a table. Only Younghoon had a drink, the other two always wanted to stay sober before their performances.

At first glance, no one would have guessed Younghoon and Jacob were a couple now, but as the night went on, Haknyeon definitely caught the lovesick and shy glances they stole at each other, the hesitant brush of their hands over the table, until Younghoon finally got tipsy enough to get comfortable and lay his head down on a red-faced Jacob’s shoulder. Haknyeon, Jaehyun and Kevin cheered so loud Younghoon almost fell off his chair, and Jaehyun laughed so loud he almost fell, too.

Jacob and Kevin’s performance started around the same time as it usually did, the lights in the pub dimming a little and the stage brightening up around them. Jacob played his guitar, Kevin his keyboard, and their sweet voices filled the pub whose crowd went quiet to listen to their music.

Younghoon had not looked away from Jacob once since he had started playing, a dopey smile hung on his lips. Haknyeon could almost see the hearts forming in his brother’s eyes. When Jacob sang the opening line of the next song, he looked right into Younghoon’s eyes, and both of them blushed, their connection so intense it looked like they had completely forgotten they were in the middle of a crowd.

Haknyeon leaned back in his chair and turned towards Jaehyun. “Can you tell me why it feels like we’re third-wheeling right now?”

Jaehyun grinned, pointing a hand towards the couple. “That right there is why we’ve been pushing them to get together for years. ”

Haknyeon made a hum in understanding, and they both went back to enjoying the music. Haknyeon was downing his second bottle of soju now, and Jaehyun had splurged on a plate of fried chicken and French fries and was sipping on his however-many bottle of the night.

His brother was supposed to be drinking as well, but his bottle hadn’t been touched since Jacob had left the table.

After one last look at the performing duo, Haknyeon turned his head to his left, sending a glance at Jaehyun.

“Hey, wanna ditch?”

Jaehyun was in the middle of chewing through a mouthful of chicken, with grease coating his fingers and crumbs on the corners of his lips. His eyes widened at Haknyeon’s offer and he nodded fervently, Haknyeon was scared he’d choke on his food.

He handed the older a napkin with a laugh, and Jaehyun thanked him before dabbing the brown paper on his lips, and wiping his fingers. He finished his bottle of soju in one big gulp, and jumped to his feet.

Younghoon barely noticed them slipping away, despite Jaehyun loudly knocking into Haknyeon’s chair on their way to the bar. Haknyeon hid a laugh behind his hand, but his brother wouldn’t have heard them anyway.

Jaehyun gripped the bar with both hands, leaning a little over it to talk to the waitress that had served them their food and drinks.

“I’m here to pay for my tab,” he declared, his words just a little sluggish. “I’ll grab this Chinese guy’s tab as well.”

Haknyeon stood confused for a moment while the waitress left to get their tabs, and Jaehyun fumbled through his pockets to find his wallet. He pulled it out with difficulty, and only when he winked at Haknyeon did he understand what had just happened.

“Hey, I’m only half Chinese!” he protested. “Also, you can’t pay for my drinks, Younghoon hyung was supposed to.”

Jaehyun’s cheerful smile never faltered. He opened his wallet to grab some folded bills that he slammed on the bar in between the both of them.

“Younghoon was not going to pay for you,” Jaehyun said matter-of-factly. “And your dumbass didn’t bring a wallet, so I’m showing you that I can be nice, and caring… that’s Lee Jaehyun fact how many?”

“We are not counting anymore,” Haknyeon raised an amused eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Right,” Jaehyun frowned for a second. “Doesn’t matter, anyway, I’m paying for you.”

Haknyeon reached a hand into his own jean pocket and took his wallet out, placing it over Jaehyun’s crumpled paper bills. “I was just joking earlier. I’d never leave the house without my wallet. I’m a responsible adult.”

That made Jaehyun, the clearly-more-responsible-adult, burst into laughter.

The waitress was back by then, and Jaehyun hurriedly shoved his money into her hands before Haknyeon could even open his leather wallet. 

“Alright, let’s get out of here,” Jaehyun smiled, and tugged Haknyeon by the arm.

They stumbled outside of the pub and stood by on the sidewalk for a minute like they had just ran a marathon, Jaehyun unable to stop laughing and Haknyeon still too conflicted between being glad he had just drank for free, or being mad that he had let Jaehyun waste his money on him.

“Where do you wanna go?” Jaehyun asked, suddenly trapping Haknyeon into a tight back hug. Haknyeon squealed in surprise, and easily squirmed his way out of the embrace.

“Let’s hit up another bar,” Haknyeon beamed. “Any other place around here that you like? I’m paying this time!”

Jaehyun laughed, but shook his head. “No way, I still have to drive you home safe by the end of the night. Enough drinking for me.”

“We don’t have to drink,” Haknyeon argued. “Any cool club you know? Where we could dance? Have fun?” He glanced around, as if he’d be able to spot a nightclub at the end of the street.

Jaehyun stretched his arms out lazily. “I have even better than that,” he yawned, and then he loosened his shoulders and started stretching his neck side to side. “Race you to the pier. Loser buys the hangover breakfast.”

He stared right into Haknyeon’s eyes, his mischievous glint so contagious that Haknyeon couldn’t help but straighten himself up.

“Deal.”

Jaehyun bolted without warning, and Haknyeon sprinted after him. They tore down the street, already panting and laughing after a few seconds of running but they never stopped. Jaehyun’s jacket caught in the wind, and he pretended to have wings, flying forward but not fast enough to distance himself from Haknyeon. Haknyeon ran and spun and jumped, transforming into a ballerina from the top of his knowledge based on the one dance recital he had watched in Hong Kong. The street was a little slanted, and he nearly lost his balance more than once, bumped into eagle-Jaehyun about a dozen times, until they tumbled out into the beach.

It was eerily silent at this time of the night, the moored boats continuing their slow dance with the rhythm of the waves even with no one to watch.

There was a rusty gate blocking the entrance to the pier, but they easily climbed over it and jumped down onto the wooden pier. The sounds of the waves were louder as they jogged towards where the water spread out into an immense sea of blackness, only the moon and its brightest stars reflecting on its surface.

Jaehyun tiredly dropped down at the very end of the pier and Haknyeon let himself fall beside him, laying down on his back onto the wooden planks, his stomach rising and falling with his ragged breaths. Jaehyun was laughing alone, his feet dangling off the edge of the pier, his jacket slid off his shoulders and stuck around his elbows. His hair was a mess, but still, even from the back, with the black tank top he wore exposing his shoulders and arms, he was so attractive Haknyeon feared he might come to break the first promise he had ever made to himself.

Never fall in love with your best friend.

It was already too late, and Haknyeon knew that. He looked up at the sky, but all he could think of in his mind was Jaehyun, and how special and ecstatic this man made him feel whenever they spent time together. He knew by now he cared for Jaehyun way more than he would for a friend, or family. He valued Jaehyun’s opinions and worried for his well-being, he never had to force a laugh around him, never had to hide a scowl. Jaehyun made him laugh, he made him smile, he made him feel warm inside in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time.

The problem was, Jaehyun was his childhood best friend. He had seen the best and the worst of him, but most importantly, he had known him during his cringy pre-pubescent Girls’ Generation fanboying phase. Not Haknyeon’s proudest years, but secretly not a period he regretted either.

“I should have joined you in Hong Kong,” Jaehyun spoke up suddenly.

He stared ahead of himself, into the black sea, and Haknyeon could only see his straightened back from this angle.

“I could have studied with you instead of going to college in Jeju,” the older added, his legs swinging lightly under the pier.

Unsure of how much Jaehyun actually meant that since he couldn’t see his friend’s face, Haknyeon chose to go down the safe route of humour and let out a snort.

“Yeah, sure, you don’t even speak Chinese or English, dummy.”

Jaehyun’s head whipped towards Haknyeon, who pulled his tongue out at him teasingly.

“I would have learned,” Jaehyun protested with a pout. “You could have taught me. It doesn’t matter how, we could have spent our high school and college years together instead of going our separate ways.”

His friend’s look was somewhat sad, full of regrets and it sent a pool of guilt to Haknyeon’s stomach. He sat up, his untrained abdominal muscles complaining at the effort, and turned his upper body to look at Jaehyun.

“How much do you mean that?”

The other avoided his gaze, back to staring off into the water. He was hiding something, and Haknyeon wasn’t sure he liked that.

“Which part?” Jaehyun asked in a breath.

“All of it, I guess?”

Jaehyun didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he pulled his jacket back over his shoulders and hunched onto himself. His hands fiddled over his knees while the wind blew into his hair. 

“I keep thinking about how different everything could have been if I hadn’t let you go,” Jaehyun mumbled. “It’s selfish, I know. That’s why I started to think about how I could have flown to Hong Kong instead. Not realistic, but it’s the only thing I could have done not to lose you.”

“But I’m here now, right?” Haknyeon laughed nervously, bumping his shoulder with Jaehyun’s. The older barely reacted.

“Haknyeon…”

“Hyung,” he grabbed Jaehyun’s left hand, ignoring the slight twitch of panic in Jaehyun’s fingers. He brought Jaehyun’s hand over his own lap and squeezed lightly. “I don’t think it’s such a bad thing that we didn’t see each other for so long. Sure, I’d rather have my crazy college experience memories with you in them, but now that I’m back in Jeju, I’m kinda glad we were apart for that time. I mean, I made so many stupid mistakes I’m glad you didn’t see!” Haknyeon laughed.

Jaehyun blinked at him.

“You’re holding my hand.” He coughed in embarrassment. “I mean, why are you holding my hand?”

Haknyeon looked down at their intertwined hands, and back up at Jaehyun.

“I like you,” he said as confidently as he could, even though he could hear his heartbeat drumming in his ears. “I’m glad I got to meet you again as this better version of myself, and I had no idea I would get feelings so fast for 23 year old Jaehyun, but I did.”

Jaehyun was blushing so much it was visible even in the dark, and his hand quickly started to get sweaty against Haknyeon’s palm. Haknyeon took a deep breath and looked down at their hands, bracing himself for rejection. They would be able to still be friends, it didn’t matter. In the morning he would blame his words on the alcohol and Jaehyun would forgive him, he always did, and maybe it would be for the better.

“Hey, look at me,” Jaehyun whispered, his voice trembling nervously.

Haknyeon obliged, looking right into Jaehyun’s eyes. The other’s pupils searched his face, nervously scanning for Haknyeon didn’t know what, and his larger hand tightened its grip against Haknyeon’s.

Jaehyun’s right hand gently laid on Haknyeon’s thigh, and Jaehyun leaned forward, hesitantly glancing down at Haknyeon’s lips.

Haknyeon’s confidence vanished instantly, now feeling clumsy and vulnerable at Jaehyun’s proximity. He could feel his warm breath on the lower half of his face, he could smell the alcohol in it to remind him that they both had drunk, that maybe they shouldn’t be doing this while they didn’t fully have control over themselves. But Jaehyun’s hand squeezed his thigh, and Haknyeon connected their lips without thinking, closing his eyes and placing his left hand on Jaehyun’s nape to pull him closer. He needed Jaehyun, Jaehyun’s love, he needed all of him.

Jaehyun was an amazing kisser, and maybe Haknyeon was being biased, but he had never liked kissing someone that much. He couldn’t seem to get enough of Jaehyun’s mouth on his own, and Jaehyun indulged him, his left thumb rubbing slow circles over the back of Haknyeon’s hand, the small gesture sending chills all over Haknyeon’s body.

They pulled away, but it was only a few seconds before they kissed again. And again, and again.

“Fuck,” Haknyeon cursed when they pulled away, feeling his cheeks warm and his chest even warmer. “Hyung.”

“I like you too,” Jaehyun said and he pressed a loving kiss to Haknyeon’s cheek. “This is crazy,” he laughed, hiding his face in Haknyeon’s neck. “You’re the first guy that’s making me feel like this. To be friends before I start wanting to go farther. You’re driving me crazy, Haknyeon.”

He left a few kisses over the column of Haknyeon’s neck, and Haknyeon giggled, his skin way too sensitive there.

“You’re literally my fucking dream guy,” Haknyeon sighed, running a hand through Jaehyun’s soft hair. The older’s face came up to face him again, and they dived back into another kiss.

Before the night grew too cold and their friends started to get worried, they walked off the pier, hand in hand, their steps straightforward now. Haknyeon stole a bunch of kisses from Jaehyun as they walked up the street in the direction of the pub, kisses to his lips, his cheek, his nose, everywhere he could reach, tugging Jaehyun down by the hand each time. Jaehyun was so nervous Haknyeon found it cute. All of his fears had disappeared into thin air, because he knew Jaehyun like the back of his hand, and there was no reason for it not to work.

“Let’s go back to my place instead,” Jaehyun pouted as they neared the pub. “I’ll text your brother to tell him you’re fine.” He stopped walking and pulled Haknyeon by the waist towards himself. “You’re so fine, Haknyeon, you look amazing tonight. I don’t want to have to share you with your brother and his boyfriend and his musician friend, I want you all to myself. Pretty little thing.” He brushed a thumb over Haknyeon’s cheek as he mumbled the last three words.

Haknyeon blushed. “You really have no filter,” he chuckled, leaning into Jaehyun’s palm and staring right into the older’s pretty eyes.

“Is it time for another Lee Jaehyun fact?”

Haknyeon glared at him.

“Shut up.”