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Mitsuri Kanroji did not consider herself to be a nosy person. She was perfectly content minding her own business, no matter what Sanemi said. However... she was the love pillar, of course! It was her duty to help her less fortunate comrades with Cupid's game of bow and arrow. And on today's agenda, she decided, was none other than the mysterious Giyuu.
She quietly stepped through a garden of the water pillar estate, careful not to alert anyone to her presence. It wasn't that she was trespassing, not at all! In fact, the once lonely estate was full of life now, and though the rooms were reserved for water breathers, all types of demon slayers would visit to train or catch up on rest. Mitsuri was just on a mission. And no person or demon alike could stop Mitsuri on a mission! She rested her hands on her hips and nodded triumphantly as if celebrating a victory.
"Kanroji-san?"
"Eep!!" Mitsuri jumped and spun around to see Tanjiro looking up at her with wide eyes, tilting his head inquisitively.
"I didn't know you were visiting today! Should I get Tomioka-san-"
"No, no, that's alright!!" urged Mitsuri, waving her hands toward him. "I'm just stopping by, I wouldn't want to bother him while he's training!"
"Oh... okay," replied Tanjiro, looking puzzled at first, but soon flashing one of his characteristic sunny smiles. "I'll be glad to help if there's anything you need!"
His smiles were always so warm and comforting, it just made Mitsuri's heart burst in two! So precious!! she thought, smiling back at him. She wondered how things were going between him and little Kanao... No! She suddenly slapped her face with her hands, willing her thoughts away. Don't get distracted, Mitsuri!! You're on a mission!
"A-are you alright, Kanroji-san?" asked Tanjiro, holding out his hand and looking frighteningly concerned.
"Positively peachy!" she beamed, setting her hands on her hips once again. "Actually, Tanjiro, there is something you could help me with. Do you know where Giyuu and Sabito usually practice?"
Mitsuri had ended up telling Tanjiro she was here to observe Sabito and Giyuu's famous teamwork, in an attempt to adapt it for her and Obanai. She felt awful about lying to a boy as kind and honest as Tanjiro, but this was important! It wasn't a complete lie, anyway, she did want to observe their teamwork... just not with swordsmanship.
Sabito and Giyuu were a rare case of double pillars, and if her sources were correct, they grew up together in the mountains. Despite this, they treated each other as nothing more than friendly acquaintances, at least in front of the other pillars. They only ever talked to convey instructions, and never showed excess affection towards one another, platonic or otherwise! At first glance, a normal person might interpret their relationship as a cold one, but Mitsuri, the love pillar, knew better!! She could see past their facade of indifference! At least... she's pretty sure. No, don't doubt yourself, you have experience with these kinds of things! She mentally scolded herself, focusing on the duo in front of her. She was currently crouched behind a hydrangea bush, peeking into the clearing in which Sabito and Giyuu were sparring. If she had the scent of a demon, they surely would have noticed her by now, but her sweet, human scent was likely mixing in with those of the lower rank slayers wandering the grounds. Though the pair looked so engrossed in their fight, it'd be a wonder if they could even sense a demon at all. But Mitsuri knew there was nothing to worry about. They were far too professional to ever distract themselves from any potential threats. They were always a team, being sent on most missions together and fighting like twin sets of river rapids. A relationship made purely of exchanges and teamwork. But Mitsuri saw the longing in Giyuu's eyes every time Sabito went on a solo mission. His face would remain as still as usual, a calm lake surface untouched by even the slightest tremor. But, his eyes. His eyes would reach out to Sabito, shining with a thousand pains, looking as if he was watching his partner bleed out in front of him rather than leave for a mundane mission. It was enough to bring Mitsuri to the brink of tears! She simply had to offer her guidance.
Now, Mitsuri is never one to back down from a little challenge of unrequited love. With the right words and actions, feelings can blossom that were all but nonexistent moments before. She does know when a cause is hopeless, though. There's nothing less romantic than trying to force a romance that isn't there, so Mitsuri tries to avoid doing that as much as possible. With Sabito and Giyuu, though... It was amazing, really. How fiercely Sabito's eyes yearned for Giyuu in return. How had they not confessed their feelings yet? It was so frustrating! Two soulmates (and Mitsuri does not use that word lightly, for the record) right in front of each other, but maintaining an act of such coldness! It was heartbreaking!
So naturally, Mitsuri had taken it upon herself to spy on carefully observe the two so she could find some way for them to realize their pining for each other. But so far, her efforts had been futile. She couldn't very well watch them in their own home (that was too much even for her!), and spending the past week watching them train only confirmed the same detached camaraderie she had seen countless times on the battlefield. She was at a loss.
And so, she journeyed to the Butterfly Estate to consult Shinobu, her dearest friend, and finest Giyuu-gossiper.
"Is that so," hummed the insect pillar thoughtfully, leaning back in her chair. Shinobu and Mitsuri were currently in the office of the former, a place that should be reserved for strictly business, but Shinobu found Mitsuri to be an exception to such rules. When her sweet friend had approached her with such a desperate look painted on her face, Shinobu had initially thought someone was injured, she looked so distraught. But of course, in typical love-pillar fashion, she was simply meddling in her peers' relationships again. Really, Shinobu should have expected as much by now. It wasn't that she was disturbed by Mitsuri's nosiness, in fact, it often amused her, but she was surprised Mitsuri would come to her for advice regarding Giyuu. Granted, she was known for provoking the aloof water pillar whenever possible, and consequently, knew more about him than anyone, excluding Sabito. But the keyword here was "provoke." Shinobu rarely had his best interests in mind, and she was not going to pass up on such a flawless opportunity. Really, Mitsuri should have expected as much. She was trying to help Giyuu in her own way, and Shinobu almost felt too bad to mess with her like this. Almost.
"Well, that's quite the predicament," said Shinobu, after Mitsuri had explained her tricky situation. "What are you planning to do?"
"I don't know!" exclaimed Mitsuri, laying her head in her hands. "They both obviously love each other, but they never show it! It's one thing when I need someone to acknowledge their own hidden feelings, but what am I supposed to do when they're already smitten for each other?" Oh, how Shinobu pitied her. What must it be like, she wondered, to be so attuned to the relationships of others, but so oblivious at the same time?
"And the worst part is," Mitsuri continued, "They're both so stoic! If it was anyone else, I'd just walk up to them and talk it over, maybe stage a nice dinner date, but they're much too guarded for that! And I know because I tried to once! They just gave me this weird judgy look that made me feel dumb, and then they both said something like, 'Oh don't worry Mitsuri-san, we're fine.' But they're obviously not-!" Mitsuri cut herself off and dropped her head, catching her breath. The first time Shinobu saw her like this, she had wondered if Mitsuri's lungs were weak like her own, but she now knew that when Mitsuri got worked up, the poor girl just forgot how to breathe. Her lungs having recovered in record time, Mitsuri snapped her head up and looked at Shinobu with pleading eyes. "Please Shinobu, I need your help!"
Shinobu hummed, tilting her head in contemplation. She wanted to help her friend, yes, but getting one over on Giyuu always took priority. She had to find the perfect way to mess with him, but wouldn't cause any harm to Mitsuri. Now let's see... What does Giyuu hate the most? Shinobu sorted through all her memories of harassing the raven-haired man, trying to determine when he had been the most aggravated. He definitely didn't like the maggots in his pillow, or the cinnamon soap in his water. But neither of those would apply to this situation. Unless she convinced Mitsuri that the maggots were direct descendants of Cupid... Shinobu looked at the girl, whose expression seemed like someone had just told her Kaburamaru had died. No, Shinobu couldn't trick her like that. She appeared to be truly invested in this, if her anxiety was any indication. Shinobu just needed to think of something about Giyuu and Sabito's relationship that would annoy him the most, that was it. She couldn't think of much, she never saw either of them being particularly intimate. Giyuu was just so opposed to romance... An imaginary lightbulb over her head, Shinobu immediately shot up in her chair with a grin.
"I think I may have an idea."
Giyuu awoke suddenly, snapping his eyes open. Was he dead? Did a demon finally send him to the afterlife? He slowly stood up and turned around to examine his surroundings, freezing at what he saw. The room was dimly lit, with white candles littering the floor and the round table before him. There were only two chairs, each with a covered plate set in front. The center of the table was adorned with a rose-filled vase, and the same wine-red rose petals were scattered over the table and surrounding floor, as if an invitation to approach.
It's a shame, really, thought Giyuu, staring at the elaborate setting. I had wanted to see the ocean before I died.
A loud crash sounded behind him, and he whipped around so fast he was sure he injured something.
"Giyuu?"
Sabito was sprawled on the floor, having just fallen off a large, plush bed decorated with fabrics of red and pink, similar to the table behind him. It had a tulle canopy draped over tall, wooden bedposts, and was covered in more pillows than Giyuu could count. He looked back at Sabito, who looked just as bewildered as he felt.
"What... is this?" asked Sabito hesitantly, as he slowly disentangled himself from a rose-colored blanket and rose to his feet.
"Don't ask me," sighed Giyuu, turning back to look at the table. "The last thing I remember was standing in the garden of the water pillar estate, checking the wisteria blooms, and then I woke up here. Wherever 'here' is." He gave Sabito a desperate glance, whose face was scrunched up in concentration.
"I was on the other side of the estate, putting away the swords... Though I think I heard some kind of shuffling behind me before I woke up here. That's all I remember."
Giyuu's eyebrows suddenly raised, Sabito's statement sparking his memory. "Now that you mention it, I think I heard something behind me too, someone giggling, I think?"
"Giggling....?" Sabito squinted at the ceiling, before his face dropped in horror. "Oh god."
"What??" asked Giyuu, even more worried than before. If Sabito was concerned, then the situation was grim. He always had a level head, even in the worst predicaments. "Is it some kind of demon?"
Sabito sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "No, not a demon. Though maybe someone with the same passion as one."
Giyuu only stared at him, not picking up whatever Sabito was trying to imply.
Sabito looked back at Giyuu, groaning in frustration. "Mitsuri. Most likely. She's probably trying to get us together. Hence the romantic dinner and bed for two."
"But-"
"I know. But she doesn't."
Sabito sighed once again. Giyuu was starting to get concerned for his lungs.
Sabito started to turn in a circle, cupping his hands around his face. "Hey, Mitsuri! Jokes over, you can let us out now!"
"You know she won't listen," commented Giyuu dryly.
"I know, I know. Here. This should get her to listen, though."
Sabito suddenly drew his sword, stabbing the nearest wall. Luckily the walls were made of thin wood that the blade slid through easily, but unluckily, Sabito stabbed it with so much force that an entire panel came clean off the wall, exposing the enclosed room to the light outside. Sabito crashed forward, knocking someone over, who had presumably been listening from this other room. Judging by the characteristic "Eep!" they made when they were not-so-gracefully wall-slammed, that person was Mitsuri, to no surprise. Also to no surprise, though a lot more irritating, was seeing Shinobu standing nearby, laughing to herself, not a care in the world.
Giyuu turned to Shinobu, taking a step towards her. "What is going on?"
"Now, now," sang Shinobu, backing away from the approaching man. "I was just helping sweet Mitsuri with her troubles, isn't that right?"
On the other side of the room, still sprawled on the floor, Mitsuri was massaging her head, apparently hit by the fallen wall. At Giyuu's tone, she immediately shot up, her eyes widening in concern.
"I just thought... I mean you and Sabito obviously love each other so much, you deserve to be together! And nothing else I tried worked... I really just wanted to help!"
Sabito laughed, standing up and dusting the debris from the wall off his clothes.
"It's okay, Mitsuri. We know you didn't mean any harm. Don't we, Giyuu?"
"Yeah... though I'm not so sure about Shinobu," mumbled Giyuu, adding the last part under his breath. "But why...? What do you mean we aren't together?"
"...What??" asked Mitsuri, her eyebrows furrowing. "You mean..."
"You don't know?" chuckled Sabito. "We're married."
"HAHH???"