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Thanatos, personally, is not very comfortable with lying.
It’s stressful. It makes him feel guilty. And finally, because any lie worth the stress of telling is a big one, he knows he’ll drive himself crazy trying to keep track of it all, lest he give himself away by accident. Honest to a fault, Hypnos always called him.
That being said, there’s not very much he wouldn’t do to spend the winter holidays with his best friend, out in a cozy cabin in the middle of nowhere, with just each other and the serene, snow-blanketed hills for company. As opposed to staring at his plate and making stilted small talk across the table at three straight days of crowded family dinners. He loves his mom, but these things are exhausting for him, and around the holidays, their family gatherings can get very, very big.
There are a lot of things he would do for Zag, too. Even if he didn’t have a completely stupid, head-over-heels, life-ruining crush on him.
“You could just lie,” Zag says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “You know? People lie to their parents all the time! Tell her you got sick and can’t make it.”
Than groans, head in his hands. “She’ll get worried. She’ll send someone to look after me.”
“So, tell her I’m doing it. That’s not too hard! We’ll be together the whole time! I can even chime in on the phone, if you like!”
Sighing dramatically, Than peers through his fingers at Zagreus, who is making a valiant effort to school his eager expression into something concerned and supportive.
“If you don’t want to, that’s alright, really. I’ll be okay by myself while they’re gone! And unless father does something truly heinous at grandmother’s this year, it won’t be the last year he and mother make a trip like this. But I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather spend those three days with than you.”
Than hums, considering. Zag is giving him plenty of room to say no. Thanatos appreciates it, even though he’s not sure how Zagreus still hasn’t noticed that, time after time, no matter how irritated he pretends to be, no matter how many logical reasons there are not to get themselves in a heap of trouble yet again, Thanatos will always, always say yes. Anything for him.
So, Than says it. “Yeah, you know what? Alright.”
Zag’s answering smile is so warm that Than feels its heat from the flutter in his chest to the tips of his ears. He ducks down to look at his phone and hopes Zag won’t notice that he’s blushing.
Oh, he is so done for.
This is how he finds himself bundled up in bed, in a cozy cabin in the middle of nowhere, with exactly the kind of cold he told his mother he had. If fate really does exist, it must be laughing at him right now.
“I’m fine, Zag,” he says, grimacing at how weak and nasal it sounds. He glares at the tissue box on the bedside table as though personally offended by its presence. Meanwhile, Zagreus just throws him a look and piles a second blanket on top of him.
“Than... you’re shivering,” Zag says simply, and stalks purposefully from the room again. Than allows himself a small, private smile as he tracks his movements through the cabin by the sounds of things being thrown around. First in the other bedroom... then the living room... that must be the hall closet...
Zagreus returns and flings him the throw blanket from the couch. It’s plush and soft. “Do you want something to eat? Would that help? We have soup. Hot chocolate.”
“N-no, that’s fine,” Than says, through chattering teeth. He’s not hungry. And honestly, although chills still wrack his body, at least he’s not sniffling quite as much anymore. He knows Zagreus will still fuss over him, though. Zagreus has always been like that— endlessly fussing over other people’s problems, whether they want him to or not.
Right now, Thanatos isn’t sure what he wants. He closes his eyes as he feels Zagreus spread the blanket out over him, feels it tucked around his shoulders to keep the heat in. He burrows his face further into the pillow.
The bed dips as Zagreus sits beside him. “C’mon, look at me for a sec.”
Thanatos does, and almost immediately his eyes widen as Zagreus presses the back of his hand to his forehead. His brow is furrowed, his touch tender. It’s too much attention. Thanatos feels his face going red.
“You’re burning up.” Zagreus takes his hand back, only to lean in closer. “But... do you feel warm enough now?”
Thanatos thinks about lying for a split second before giving in. “No,” he says, honestly, miserably. He doesn’t want Zag to worry, but... “I-I’m so cold.”
Zagreus is quiet for a moment. Then he’s up again, and Than hears him rummaging through the hall closet, haphazardly throwing things onto the floor. He huffs a small laugh. That’s going to be one big mess for them to clean up later, but he can’t bring himself to care right now.
When Zagreus comes back, he’s empty-handed. “Can’t find any more blankets,” he says.
“That’s okay.” Thanatos pulls the blankets tighter around himself, curling up a little bit more. He feels the bed dip next to him again. “I swear, I’m fine, you can stop fussing now, Zag. I’ll sleep it off and be better in the morning.”
“I— you can fall asleep shivering like that?” Zag asks.
Than sighs, leveling a stare at him. Zag holds his gaze, and keeps holding it. Maybe a beat longer than anyone else would. And then Zag finally gets up with a resigned little huff, and Than burrows his face in the pillow again. He breathes as deeply as he can, ignoring the little whistle his nose makes, and tries to relax.
He can fall asleep like this. Of course he can. It’s only a matter of time.
Any minute now.
All at once, the covers fly off and another shudder wracks him. “Zag, what the hell!”
“Scoot over, I’m getting in there with you,” Zag says.
Wait. What? “You have your own bed. What are you doing?”
“Yeah, and where do you think my blanket is?” Zag asks, with a good-natured eye roll.
“Zag, you didn’t have to give that to me,” Than mutters.
Ignoring this, Zag gently pushes Than’s shoulder until he gives in, rolling over so that Zag can slip under the blankets. “Look, we both know I’m a living furnace. And I know you. You’re gonna insist you’re fine and then you won’t sleep and then you’ll still be up with a fever tomorrow.”
Thanatos turns his head to stare at him. “Zag, no... I’ll make you sick.”
“I never get sick!”
Thanatos attempts a glare, but it’s somewhat less powerful when he’s shaking like a leaf in the wind, and he knows it as well as Zagreus does. “Fine,” he mutters, “but if you wake up tomorrow with the same thing I’ve got... ”
“I’ll assume full responsibility for my actions, don’t you worry.” Zag grins at him.
There’s a few seconds of awkward wriggling and repositioning as Zag tries to get comfortable and pull the covers back over them at the same time, and Thanatos tries pointedly not to think about how long it’s been since they last slept in the same bed. As kids, they were almost always over at each other’s houses. Play-fighting and roughhousing and sleeping together weren’t ever a big deal— it was nice, even, that they could hang off each other’s shoulders without a second thought. But as they got older, it started to feel... different. And Thanatos, apprehensive as always, pulled away as soon as those casual touches started to stir something in him that he wasn’t prepared to deal with.
Zagreus settles in fully next to him, facing away. Their backs are ever so slightly resting against one another— Thanatos feels the warm, grounding weight of him and closes his eyes against a wave of dizziness. His face is hot. He wants so desperately to lean back, to sink into the feeling of Zagreus pressed up against him. He doesn’t.
“I’m too achy and weak to fight you on this, but just pretend I did, alright. For the sake of things,” Than mumbles.
When Zag laughs, Than can feel it. His stomach tumbles over. “I know, I know. If it gets too warm, lemme know and I’ll give you some space, alright?”
“Yeah. Alright.”
Their conversation lulls into silence. As much as Thanatos hates to admit it, it is a lot warmer with Zag radiating heat right next to him. Eventually, he stops shivering so much, and his heartbeat slows, listening to Zag’s steady breaths next to him.
His eyes slip closed. Some part of him, deep down, has missed this.
Outside, snow continues to fall, but inside, everything is warm. He drifts.
Thanatos wakes slowly, blearily, blinking the world back into focus as his brain struggles to make sense of his surroundings. His mouth is dry, and it’s hot. Really hot. It’s not terribly uncomfortable, but he’d still like to reach down and pull some of the covers off as soon as Zagreus lets go of him.
...Oh.
...Zagreus is...
Thanatos steadies himself, willing his breaths to stay calm and even, even as he feels his heart start pounding in his chest. They must have shifted sometime during the night— Zagreus is pressed up all along his back, with an arm thrown over him, holding him close to his chest. Than can feel his little huffs of breath, steady as he sleeps, on the back of his neck.
Thanatos melts.
Oh, gods. Is he awake? Than keeps himself completely still, listening to Zag’s breathing, soft and slow. Immediately, he feels guilty for wanting the answer to be no. For wanting this moment to himself, where he can just relax and allow Zag to be this close to him, without consequences.
He sighs quietly, letting himself sink further into the warmth of Zag’s embrace. His chest aches and his head feels foggy. His heartbeat picks up, and then slows, and then picks up again. The minutes stretch endlessly on, until he loses track of them.
The next thing he knows, Zagreus is stirring behind him. He waits, taking deep, even breaths, as Zag stretches his legs ever so slightly. He hears the stutter in Zag’s breath as their arms brush up against each other.
There it is, he thinks. This is how it’s supposed to go. Zagreus will wake up, and realize what happened. Zag will let go. Thanatos will pretend to wake up after him, and they can have the rest of their cabin trip pretending none of this happened.
Thanatos keeps waiting.
He counts the seconds. One after another.
Slowly, so carefully it makes him ache, Zagreus wraps an arm around him and pulls Thanatos closer.
...Oh.
There’s the smallest, softest hitch in Than’s breathing, and he hopes desperately that Zag doesn’t hear it.
For a few long moments, all they do is breathe, pressed close together. And then, what feels like an eternity later, Zagreus curls his hand around Than’s. He draws his thumb gently over Than’s knuckles, so softly that he barely feels it. He does it again. Over and over.
Thanatos is grateful his face is turned away, so no one sees his face flush and his mouth fall open. His heart feels like it’s trying to beat its way out of his chest. He tries to keep his breathing steady. And all the while, Zag strokes his thumb up and down, sending thrill after thrill across his skin.
After a few long minutes of feeling his heart ache in his chest, Thanatos realizes something. Zagreus isn’t going to let him go. And Thanatos can never go back to the way things have always been, now that he’s felt this. It’s all too much, too many years of waiting, of not knowing how Zagreus feels, only to end up in each other’s arms anyway. Suddenly he can’t take the idea of leaving, and going back to their everyday lives, without knowing. Even if Zagreus doesn’t feel the same way. It would be less painful than spending every minute with him thinking of this moment, and wondering.
Could Zagreus do this without it meaning something? Doesn’t he realize what this is doing to him? He feels raw, like something in him has broken wide open.
He swallows, and flexes his hand ever so slightly. Zagreus’s whole body stills.
They hang on the edge of that moment together.
Thanatos speaks first. “You... you should be careful, touching me like that,” he says. It comes out throaty and wavering, and he curses inwardly, hoping Zagreus will think it’s because of his illness, rather than his feelings.
Zagreus tenses up against his back. “What? ...Why?”
Silently, Thanatos fights to form words through the rush of emotion. He feels dizzy. He clears his throat.
“I— I might... fall in love with you,” Than says.
Immediately, he flushes with embarrassment. Oh no, oh gods, this is so stupid. That was too much. I should apologize. Just tell him, I don’t know what I’m saying, I’m still feverish and I’m not myself right now, I’m so sorry—
For a few agonizing moments, Zagreus is completely silent. And then, as slow as he is gentle, without saying anything at all, he strokes his thumb across Than’s knuckles again. And again... and again.
“Than,” Zagreus whispers. “What happens if... I’m already in love with you?”
A little gasp leaves his lips before he can stop it. A wave of relief and dizziness washes over him, so potent he doesn’t have enough mind to be glad he’s already lying down. Zag’s warmth curled around him makes him feel so safe. So loved. Of course Zag couldn’t do this without it meaning something.
Thanatos pushes himself up, and turns around. In that instant, he sees panic flash across Zag’s face, before he buries his face in Zag’s shirt, pulling him as close as humanly possible. Zagreus heaves a heavy sigh that looses the tension from his whole body. Then his arms settle around Thanatos, one hand soothing up and down his back, over and over again.
Maybe it shouldn’t be so surprising to him, how perfectly they fit together. In this just like in everything else.
“You’re trembling again,” Zagreus murmurs.
Than just noses against his chest, burrowing closer.
“Are you cold?”
Than shakes his head. “No. It’s... warm.”
“Too warm? I can let go if that’s—”
“No! I-I, that’s... not... what I want,” Thanatos stammers, and Zag quakes with silent laughter. Than huffs.
Zagreus leans in and kisses his hair. “What is it you want, then?”
There’s a moment of quiet. “I might be a little more honest when I’m unwell, Zag,” Than mumbles, his pout plain in his voice. “But not that honest.”
Zagreus just laughs again. “Then... can I be honest?”
Thanatos hums.
“I'd like to stay like this. Just for a little longer. If... if that’s alright?”
Thanatos feels a timid little flutter of joy in his chest. Anything for you. He hides his smile in Zag’s shirt, pulling him closer.
“Yeah. Alright.”