Work Text:
Christmas...
Christmas... sucks.
Tapping her fingers rapidly on the keyboard, Bora let her head fall on the desk with a frustrated growl. She had been trying to come up with a Christmas piece for the past two hours but all she could come up with was how much Christmas sucked.
At times like this, she hated being a writer for a magazine. Why couldn’t she write about life? How complicated and infuriating it was? That would’ve made her job a lot easier.
If you think about it, there was nothing nice about Christmas. A creepy, old man wore a Santa outfit every year saying ho ho ho and claiming to grant wishes to lure children to sit on his lap. How was that appropriate? There were decorated Christmas trees everywhere she’d look, lights would twinkle from house to house – did you know people actually lost their lives while trying to decorate their homes? Inconceivable but accurate. What was the point? They were going to take those lights off after a week, it wasn’t even worth the trouble.
Tree massacre! 120 million trees were cut down every Christmas across the world, leading to large scale deforestation! Even in the office, there was a massive pine tree in the corner, adorned with twinkling stars and upon the Christmas tree, there was a winding pathway of light from base to starlit top. Gifts piled up under it. Every year her co-workers would buy a random gift for anyone in the office and place it under the tree anonymously. Bora had never participated.
It was stupid. She didn’t even like her co-workers. Okay, except Siyeon. She became her best friend from the day Bora was hired four years ago and expected to do a piece on woman orgasm. Siyeon cracked the dirtiest joke and Bora knew at that moment they’d be best friends for life. She was also the best co-worker anyone could ever ask for, and a killer writer at that.
Oh, and those sappy, lovey-dovey, completely unrealistic, not to mention unnecessary Christmas movies? It made Bora want to vomit right here on her desk. Her sister, Yoohyeon, tried to make her watch one sappy Christmas movie but Bora ended up falling asleep in the middle of it.
It was all commercial scams and consumerism!
“Words don’t type themselves.”
Bora balled up her hands into a set of fists as she turned her head and stared at her boss. “You know, I hate Christmas.”
Ms. Oh nodded thoughtfully at Bora's comment; as if she could possibly understand the hatred flaming inside Bora, “Yes. It's time to get over that!”
“How do you get over that?”
“Try to see the miracle and the beauty in it. Fighting!”
After her boss left, Bora’s glare turned to the girl behind her own desk in the office, snickering by herself. Siyeon’s ability to hear and know everything happening in the office was beyond her comprehension.
“Can you write this one for me?” Bora asked the blue haired girl who in return shook her head with a chuckle before parting her lips.
“You’re on your own, buddy.”
“At least get me coffee.” Bora pouted as she crossed her arms and sank deeper into her chair; all hope was lost– she would never be able to finish this before the deadline– she was going to get fired, one hundred per cent.
Siyeon hummed a giggle before standing up from her desk and walking over to Bora's. “Actually, it’s almost lunch break... and there is something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Siyeon always had things to talk about with Bora, be it either her nagging about her girlfriend, Gahyeon –who was a music teacher in a private school– or some gossip around the office. But this time it felt different; perhaps it was the sad look in the bluehead's eyes that gave it away or maybe the way Siyeon wetted her lips as she leaned next to Bora's desk –she'd always flick her tongue over her lower lip like that when stressed, Bora had noticed that habit shortly after they had met merely four years ago– but regardless of what caused that tingling sensation of awkwardness inside the brunette's gut, her suspicions that something unpleasant was about to be unweaved were confirmed the second their meals were finished.
“Gahyeon got a job offer...”
And that's all Bora needed to hear. Apparently, Gahyeon had received a better paying job offer –a prestigious school– but it was in Busan. Needless to say, Bora supported Gahyeon's decision to take the offer; she loved that girl, always so full of life and so perky. A bit too loud for Bora’s liking but it seemed like Siyeon loved that about her… Now why couldn’t the musician go alone…?
As Siyeon was talking about the job position she had found in Busan, Bora cut her off with a vaguely dismissive wave of her hand, “You’re moving to Busan?”
“Gahyeon really wants this job, Bora.”
The brunette shook her head, “Your life is in Seoul. Your job, friends, house...” Me. She wanted to add. This job would be insufferable without Siyeon. Not that she didn’t like writing, she just didn’t like the people she was working with.
“She is my life... I go wherever she goes.” The blue haired girl said, a soft smile tugging at her lips. “I’m sorry.”
“You know, Busan has a cold climate and last time I checked you prefer warmth over cold." Bora shot her pathetic attempt to change her best friend’s mind but to no avail.
Siyeon let a chuckle escape her plump lips as she glanced at Bora before calmly exhaling her reply that also served as the full stop of their interaction, “I’ll adapt.”
“Everything is changing, Yoohyeonie!” Bora whined as she played with the food her sister had made. It looked delicious– well obviously, Yoohyeon was a chef in a five-star hotel. She could cook cat food and it'd be and look delicious. Yet for some reason, today not even a master chef's cooking was good enough to restore her long-long appetite.
She just… didn’t like change. She didn’t like to step outside of her comfort zone; it was called a comfort zone for a reason. Her life was simple; she’d wake up at six am in the morning, jog, shower, eat, get to work. Then she'd do what she loved the most in the world: have lunch with Siyeon, and after her shift, she’d join her sister for dinner before heading back home.
But now that Siyeon resigned, who would she have lunch with? She'd be oblivious to the gossip, she’d have to drink her coffee alone, she’d have no one to laugh with in the office. It just sucked.
Christmas sucked.
“Change is good!” Yoohyeon said with a full mouth as she chewed her food, “Have you been eating well?”
“You make sure of that.” Bora said before reluctantly starting eating. “And I have to write a piece about fucking Christmas.”
“Oh, that’s interesting.” The black-haired chef took a sip from her wine before continuing: “You can write about... that.”
“I’m not writing about that.”
“Why not?”
“Because it wasn’t a miracle!”
“It sure felt like one, Bora.” Yoohyeon mumbled, her gaze falling to the plate full of food.
She hated when her sister’s face fell, Bora had made a promise to herself when she held baby Yoohyeon in her arms for the first time that she would protect her little sister from any harm and sadness. Of course, she bumped into rocks along the way but she’d like to believe she kept her promise most of the time.
“I’m sorry,” Bora reached out to lift her sister’s chin up, “This is delicious, by the way.”
Yoohyeon’s face lit up again, “You like it?”
“Of course.”
“It’s good for your health. It's low fat.” The chef smiled brightly, “You’re not drinking alcohol, right?”
“No and I do exercise. Are you going to ask these questions every night?”
“Yes.” A nod. “Bon appetite.”
The office felt lonely without Siyeon. It didn’t feel right. No blue hair peeking behind her computer? No teasing? No dirty jokes? This was supposed to be their office together, two of them, partners in crime, two best friends! Not just Bora and some random girl they had hired already!
She grunted to herself as she dropped on her chair behind the desk. She had till Christmas to write this piece. A whole week. Well, she could just write things she didn’t believe but that’d go against her policy. She opened Word and stared at the blank page. Well, almost blank… She did write Christmas sucks in all capital letters.
After an endless staring contest between her and the Word page, someone cleared her throat to get her attention...
The world had tipped over.
She couldn’t believe her eyes.
The new girl they had hired; her new co-worker… It was the girl she had tried so hard to forget, to move on from. The girl she was head over heels for, her high school girlfriend, a relationship of four years. A heartbreak that was more painful than things she had to go through.
Minji.
Kim Minji.
The word “ex-girlfriend” was enough to send Bora over the edge. They had fallen for each other in high school, becoming a thing in no time– despite Yoohyeon's comment that the brightest flames burn the fastest, theirs didn’t. Their relationship was the poetic kind; true, untamed, unfiltered… the kind of affection seen in fairytales, the kind of stainless affection that wouldn't rust away by the passing of time.
It was a high school cliché too; a new girl –Bora– transferred to Minji’s school. It was Minji; pride of the school, first in her classes, president of every club possible, who showed her around. There was a spark from day one; some kind of unique chemistry from the first encounter, that chemistry gradually bloomed into lust and eventually into pure love. With Bora, Minji saw that there was more to the world other than classes; a whole new world filled with many unturned stones, with many secrets to be discovered.
Throughout high school, the two clung to each other. They were two pieces of an apple, inseparable, they shone brighter, both within and upon one another. Minji was everything Bora had been looking for in a woman.
All those dates, the fights, the laughter, the happiness and intimate times they had flooded Bora’s mind. It was all so beautiful. It was all so real. It was all so frustrating; so painful. But she wouldn't have it any other way.
And lastly, the reason for their break up. A night of muffled cries in each other's arms, knowing it’d be the last time they’d hold each other again.
It wasn't like they wanted it to happen. They both had different dreams to chase; Minji wanted to travel, she wanted to see the world and be a journalist on the road. Bora on the other hand wanted to be an office worker; she wanted to write all day, every day.
They tried; they really tried to keep their relationship, to keep the warmth it generated as unaffected by the new wave of reality that washed over them. But relationships are fragile, similar to preserved flowers; the more time passes the more dried up the petals turn. And similar to an unexpected bump, physical distance abruptly breaks every relationship. It was the ruthlessness of reality, the way these things worked… no matter how much it pained them to hopelessly see each other gradually fall apart.
Maybe it was just a high school love... they were both grown-ups now, they had real problems instead of homework or parents.
And yet… there she was, still clinging onto that very thin thread of hope… No, they might have been kids but people envied their love; even Bora’s parents. Her mother once said she wished she had a love like that with her father; that she should have never let Minji go because a love like that couldn't be found easily.
Like a timidly lit fireplace, Minji was the crackling fire that was giving just the right amount of warmth and comfort on a cold December night… Yeah, her mother was right, she should have tried harder. She shouldn't have let her go.
Seeing her now, in all her glory and beauty –with purple hair now– her heart skipped a beat. It screamed at the top of its lungs that she was still the one, the love of her life, her soulmate and after all those years; they were reunited somehow.
The girl she once knew in high school no longer existed; she had changed; grown up… Her face while still being as flawless as Bora had remembered it to be no longer had that innocent, child-like feel to it. Kim Minji was no longer a teen; she was a woman; a fucking woman… If it were anyone else, Bora would have dropped her gaze immediately, she had been staring at the woman for what felt like hours –they both had– but with her... She was drawn in closer, always wanting more, needing to hold her again and never let go this time.
She was here.
What were the odds?
She stood there, too stunned to move, taking in every moment for her memory. Her eyes, her beautiful sunny smile, her perfectly fit body, the scent of her... In all the world there wasn’t another like her... and never would be. She could see the burning love in Minji’s eyes, the sort that went for eternity.
“We meet again.” Minji’s soft voice pulled her out of her trance.
She felt her lips twitch into a smile, wordlessly expressing how much she had missed the woman. “Hey, Minji.”
“Looks like I’m your office buddy.” The purple haired woman said, moving to her side of the room and quietly sitting down in her seat, her eyes still on Bora; standing dumbfoundedly behind her desk.
“I’m glad it’s not an old grumpy lady.” Bora joked to enlighten the tension in the room.
“Don’t be fooled, I do feel like an old grumpy lady sometimes.”
Bora laughed. It was almost funny how easily the conversation flowed between them as if they hadn’t spent ten years apart from each other. As if the last time they spoke wasn't to say goodbye and I love you one final time before departing.
“Have you seen the world?” Bora asked as she sat down before her legs gave out. It was too unexpected; she felt her blood drain out of her body.
“I have. I came home last Christmas.”
“Why?”
“I missed home.”
Bora let herself get lost in the illusion that Minji meant her. A whisper of imagination. Because that was what she used to be... Minji’s home.
Until she wasn’t.
Emotions swept through Bora, causing her throat to tighten but she swallowed it down and wore a polite smile on her face, “Looks like we’ve both achieved our dreams.”
“Almost.” Minji said, that breathtaking smile never leaving her beautiful lips; lips Bora wanted to taste again. Would they feel different? “So... what are you writing?”
“Ah,” Bora blinked as she remembered her assignment. “Christmas.”
“That’s easy for you then, you love Christmas.”
Love. She used to love Christmas when Minji was in her life. When she made it better and sufferable. When Bora- no. She promised herself that she wouldn’t think about that.
“I- I don’t... not anymore.” Bora breathlessly said. She hoped Minji wouldn’t ask why, she didn’t want to tell her; Bora didn’t need anyone’s pity.
“You’ve lost your Christmas spirit? Is that why you were staring at your computer with a frown?” Minji asked as a soft laugh exited her lips, her tone playful.
“Yeah. I don’t see the point anymore.”
“Well, that can’t be accepted, can it?” Minji slammed her hands on the desk, causing Bora to jump slightly in her seat. “Looks like I've found my mission!”
“What mission?” The brunette muttered out.
“To get your Christmas spirit back, of course.” Minji giggled, her angelic, melodic voice being literally music to Bora’s ears as she continued: “After I finish this piece I’m working on.”
“What is it about?”
“Last Christmas.”
After their shift ended, Minji insisted on walking with Bora. She couldn’t stop staring at the purple haired woman, enthusiastically writing her piece. She couldn’t focus before and now that Minji was her office buddy, she was never going to be able to focus ever again. She just knew it.
“Do you live with Yoohyeon?” Minji asked as they were walking towards Bora’s house. The streets were covered in white with their feet creating new sets of footprints on the soft as they walked past the beautiful Christmas lights that illuminated the area.
The only reason she loved snow was because it absorbed sound, so when a fresh blanket of snow covered the landscape, it absorbed many of the sound waves, making it seem quieter outside. Bora loved the quietness of the loud Seoul.
“No, she lives with her girlfriend, Yubin.” Bora answered, tightening the scarf around her neck. The cold was spreading in her bones and she wished to just cling to Minji, to feel her warmth again.
“She has a girlfriend? That’s amazing. How long has it been?”
“Almost three years together, I guess.” The brunette said as she glanced over to Minji, why was it so hard to take her eyes off of her? “How is Dongie?”
Handong was Minji’s best friend, she had left everything behind to follow her friend, to travel the world with her. She didn’t get a chance to speak with her after they left together; though Dongie was also Bora’s friend, she just couldn’t talk to her. It'd always remind her of Minji.
“Stayed in America. She got married too.”
“No, shit!” Bora exclaimed rather loudly into the silent night, “When? Man or woman?”
“A woman.” Minji laughed as she shook her head, “They got married two years ago.”
A lot has changed... Handong was the type of person who’d say marriage was for fools; she didn’t need a piece of paper to sign or tell the government she got married.
“Let me guess... she got married for citizenship?”
“Actually, yes.” Minji and Bora burst into laughter in the middle of the street. When was the last time Bora had laughed this wholeheartedly? Now that Minji was here, it felt like she had never been happy before.
Not ever since Minji had left.
When they reached Bora’s apartment, they both turned to each other, unsure of whether to hug or just... call it a night. What was the protocol for this scenario?
What do you do when your ex-girlfriend from high school that you’re still in love with comes back?
She wanted to ask why she hadn't come straight to her when she got back to Korea. Why did she wait for a whole year? If she hadn’t gotten the job, maybe she never would’ve contacted Bora again... but she couldn’t ask.
Last Christmas wasn’t the best time for her either.
“Why...” Bora started but couldn’t finish her sentence. Truth be told, she was terrified of the answer. What if she simply didn’t want to see Bora?
“I wanted to.” Minji said as if she had the ability to read her mind; it was always like this between the two, Minji could read her like an open book. “Trust me, I wanted to.”
“What happened?”
“Life.” Minji’s voice was barely audible before she hesitatingly reached out to caress Bora’s cheek. Oh, how much she wanted to open her mouth and ask what had life done to her but she couldn’t seem to form words. The warmth of her hand, the intensity of her eyes captured her. The love and light behind those eyes... It was intoxicating.
She leaned into her palm, wanting to feel more.
“I’ve missed you.” Bora whispered out without meaning to. It seemed like her tongue had a different brain and was working without Bora’s permission.
“I’ve missed you every day for the past ten years, Bora.” Minji said, her voice quieter than a whisper. She sounded... afraid.
And that was when they both wrapped their arms around each other, as tightly as humanly possible to feel, to get back where they had left off. How did she live without her warm embrace for ten years? How could she let her go? Why didn’t she go with her to travel the world? She could’ve been a writer on the road too. It wasn’t that hard.
Bora was never going to make the same mistake again. She couldn’t speak; she couldn’t tell her how sorry she was, that she never should’ve let her go. That she still, after all those years, loved her, longed for her, waited for her. Her chest felt too tight.
But she knew Minji was thinking the same thing. She could tell by the way the purple haired woman was hugging her; stroking and inhaling the scent of her hair, pulling her impossibly closer to her body; as close as possible with all those clothes on both of them.
Bora wanted- no, needed them gone... not to do anything, but just to feel. Unfortunately, after a while Minji pulled away to look into her eyes. Both of them were shining with tears but too stubborn to break through. It was a happy moment, a reunion of two lovers. Maybe they could reignite that fire between them, maybe not. It didn’t matter.
Minji was here.
“Do you want to come in?” Bora asked, not really sure if this was the best idea but she didn’t care.
Minji gave a small nod. “I’d love to.”
Her home wasn’t anything fancy. But it was welcoming from the front door to the hallway. Photographs adorned the walls; sweet moments with her friends. There were even photos of her and Minji somewhere. It was simple; more than enough for a single person living here.
And they were here again, after ten years of longing, face to face with their fingers wrapped around the cup of hot cocoa.
“Why don’t you have a tree?” Minji asked, her eyes roaming around the small living room.
Bora shrugged, “Because I will not be a part of a tree massacre.”
“You can buy a plastic tree.” Minji tried again. Bora wasn’t surprised, Minji would not give up if she had her mind set on something.
“I don’t feel like it, Minji.” But for now, Bora was glad to see Minji dropping it.
“How are you, Bora?”
“I’m good.” Better now that Minji was here. “I’ve been good, I promise. You got the stories! Lay it on me!”
And so Minji did.
God, was it a lot. She had been everywhere. She had seen everything. For Bora, her favorite story was when Minji accidently walked into a wedding of strangers and tripped over the wedding cake. She could picture everything in her mind, Minji had always been a clumsy idiot.
The night went on and on with endless stories by two of them –mostly Minji since Bora loved to live a quiet life– and played few games and the loser had to do whatever the winner wanted them to do. Bora lost. She'd lose in every game just to win Minji over again. She'd be her loser. Minji kept her ‘thing’ a surprise for tomorrow.
And they never stopped talking or laughing at each other, with each other until the sun started to rise. Bora thought she could go days without sleep if it meant listening to every word Minji had to say. Minji suggested that they take the day off so they could stay in and do the thing she wanted them to do.
How could she refuse?
She closed her eyes for one second and woke up curled on the couch under a heavy blanket. It took her a moment to remember the night and Minji... where was she anyway? Blinking a few times to get her senses back, she looked around the room to find the love of her life but instead she found a massive tree –the top of the tree almost touched the ceiling– in the corner of her living room and a box right under it.
“Good morning. I know you don’t want a real tree so I’ve bought a plastic one.” Minji said and Bora’s almost annoyed stare turned to the purple haired woman in her pajamas.
Minji was significantly taller than Bora so obviously her pajamas were a little small for the giant writer. She snorted at the sight of her, it was adorable. She didn't even care about the tree in the living room so long Minji was here. Hell, she would even decorate it if it meant keeping her a little longer.
Minji frowned, “What?” But then noticed Bora’s eyes on her body. “It was the best I could find! It’s not my fault you’re small.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re too tall.” Bora laughed softly as she nodded towards the tree, “I thought I said I don’t do this anymore.”
“Well, you do now. Come on! Let’s decorate it!” The purple haired said with the brightest smile that Bora couldn’t say no to. Minji grabbed one of the two boxes and placed it on the couch for Bora to see. Of course, it was Christmas decorations: hanging velvet glitter tree, rainbow unicorn, mint green glitter spun bauble, a long shiny tinsel, snowflakes, stars, angels, lights... lots of shit Bora didn’t even know the names of.
Consumerism. Unbelievable.
She gave in with a sigh. How could she not when a beautiful woman she was in love with pleaded with her captivating eyes? She stood up from the couch and made her way to the plastic tree with Minji.
“I think we wrap the lights around the tree and put the star on top.” Minji said, taking the LED strings of plastic and wires.
“Shouldn’t we put the decorations on first?” Bora asked, not that she gave a shit about it but she was pretending to care for Minji. She took out one of the many decorative balls that were ever so comfortably sitting inside their box case and hung it from the branch.
“Right!”
And with that, both of them decorated the plastic tree with the millions of ornaments Minji had bought. The lifeless tree now looked more alive than any other trees in the world. Maybe it was that or Minji’s presence lighting up the room. Either way, Bora hated to admit it but it did look splendid.
“That’s the spirit.” Minji exclaimed, glancing at the shining tree one last time before spinning around to face Bora, “Now, we eat breakfast and bake Christmas cookies!”
“What’s next, sappy movies?” Bora mumbled under her breath but it might have just given the purple haired woman an idea.
“Yes!”
Well, as long as she was in her arms, she could endure het romance.
“That’s not how you do it, oh my god.” Minji groaned for the millionth time since they started making the dough for the cookie.
In her defense, it was Yoohyeon who did the cooking and Bora usually taking the credit for the cookies.
Now covered in flour, Bora was so close to giving up. “I think we put too much flour...”
“You think!” Minji said, pointing to the hard dough in a bowl. “Okay, you know what, we can save it, just pour a little milk...”
It would’ve been better without the milk, Bora thought. But it was okay, she couldn’t begin to express how much she had missed the bickering about useless things that always ended up in endless giggles.
It turned out better than she had hoped. They managed to make star and tree shaped cookies without completely fucking it up and that was the point, wasn’t it? They’d always bake cookies on Christmas when they were together, no matter how burnt or tasteless they ended up being. They were delicious for them because they were something they would make together.
Laughing and giggling, throwing each other flour, kissing in most random times... it was their thing. Bora couldn’t find in herself to do that after they were separated.
But now... it felt right.
“Remember that one time we almost burned your house?” Minji asked, laughing at the memory as she focused on coloring the tree shaped cookie green.
“I remember my mom chasing us both with the fire extinguisher.” Bora said, her tone sounding light; lighter than it had ever been in ages.
“And didn’t allow us to cook something again.”
“Not without Yoohyeon by our side, at least.” The brunette added with a chuckle, “I think we nailed it, don’t you think?”
“I hope it tastes as good as it looks.” Minji shrugged and wiped her now green hands on Bora’s face which made her look like the grinch.
Bora gasped, but didn’t slap her hands away. Honestly, she would color herself green from head to toe if it meant feeling her again.
“You did not...” Bora exhaled the words as she grabbed a handful of flour.
“You do remind me of the grin-”
The brunette didn’t even wait for her to finish the sentence as she threw the flour on her face. Now there was a grinch and a statue in the kitchen.
“You will pay for that!”
And Bora ran as Minji chased her close behind with two eggs in her hands. Giggles of joy and happiness filled the otherwise quiet house.
It never really felt like a home before, it was basically Bora’s shelter. A place to sleep since she spent most of her time in her sister’s apartment.
Now... it felt like a home and perhaps… Perhaps it was Minji that made it feel like one.
She really tried to write something about Christmas. Really, she did. But nothing came to her. Her mind was too occupied with that purple haired woman across her, typing on her keyboard nonstop. She wished to have her ambition.
Minji used to be her inspiration just about anything... Why couldn’t she feel inspired by her now? She didn’t know her hate for Christmas was this much.
“Still nothing?” Minji’s lips curved a little at the corners.
“I still don’t like Christmas.”
“Even with all the staring?”
“I wasn’t staring.” Bora mumbled before ducking her head behind the computer, hoping it’d hide that stupid blush creeping up on her cheeks. All she heard was a soft giggle.
Could she stop being adorable for like one millisecond so that Bora could breathe?
“I’m almost done with my piece.”
“Cool, want to write mine?” Bora asked, annoyed at herself mostly for not being able to form words. Maybe Yoohyeon was right... Maybe she should write about that.
But it was just too painful.
“Actually, can I read yours? Maybe it’ll inspire me.” The brunette asked again before Minji got a chance to reject.
“No and no, you’ll read when it’s out.” Minji closed her computer and stood up from her desk to stretch her body. “Let’s go.”
Glancing at time, Bora realized it was almost the end of their shift. What was the harm if she left fifteen minutes early? She grabbed her purse before following Minji who was apparently leading her into the dark alleyway behind the company building. In all her 28 years of life, she had never been in this area before. Well... who would go to dark alleys anyway?
“Did you become a serial killer?” Bora whispered into the freezing cold night to not get caught as she watched Minji climb up a ladder.
“Yeah, I’d kill everyone in this world to protect you. Come on!” Minji laughed softly and left Bora down there with her mouth agape and a blush creeping up on her cheeks; she couldn’t just say things like that and expect Bora to function!
Shaking her head to get rid of the thoughts, Bora climbed up the ladder to find Minji at the entrance of an open window. She helped the brunette climb inside carefully and Bora thought she did enough climbing for one life-time.
Ice skating. A very big one at that. Empty and dark until Minji found the switch. That was the largest tree Bora had ever seen in her entire life, standing tall in the corner, adorned with many lights and Christmas decorations.
They hadn’t ice skated since high school.
It was their thing...
Minji almost broke her leg when she stepped on ice for the first time. It was a gradual process to teach Minji how to skate; did she even remember how to do it?
But seeing Minji, all happy and giddy like a child, she thought she’d make a fool out of herself if necessary. She just wanted to see her happy.
“What if we get caught?” Bora asked as she helped Minji stay on her feet on the ice but no dice, the woman couldn’t slide without falling flat on her ass.
Bora laughed out loud at Minji’s failed attempt to stand, “It doesn’t open for another hour. I really thought this would be easier...”
“Seeing you fall repeatedly is really inspiring me.” Bora laughed again as she wrapped an arm around Minji’s waist to support her.
Minji rolled her eyes playfully, “Glad I'm entertaining.”
“Just like old times, huh?” the brunette stood in front of the tall woman and gently held her hands to help her slide very slowly. “There you go.”
“You know, it is simp-” Minji’s sentence was cut with her yelp as she fell on her ass yet again.
Bora dissolved into a puddle of laughter as she fought a new gale of giggles. “You were saying?”
Minji’s laughter was like ripples in a still pond. She grabbed Bora’s wrist to pull her down on the ice as well. Bora had to use all of her power to not land on top of Minji, she didn’t know if her heart would be able to handle such proximity.
She rolled onto her back right next to her high school lover and gazed up at the ceiling and soon the ripples of laughter became great waves of hilarity.
“Would we still be together if I hadn’t left?” Minji suddenly asked after their giggling fits subsided.
“Yeah. Probably.” Bora answered without hesitation.
“Aren’t you mad at me?”
“No... I could never be mad at you for wanting to follow your dream, Minji.” Bora said, turning her head to her right to see Minji still staring up at the ceiling.
Minji’s gaze found Bora’s eyes, her lips curving into a smile. “You were my dream, Bora.”
“You got to see the world. You would’ve resented me if you had stayed.”
“I would never-”
Bora butted in, “Maybe this is better. We met again when the timing was right.”
The purple haired woman remained silent as she stared deep into Bora’s soul. “You’re not mad at me?”
“We did the right thing, Minji. I’m not mad. I’ve never been mad. You’re here now... that’s all it matters.”
“I’m here...”
“To stay?” Bora didn’t want to admit but her heart felt like jumping out of her chest as she waited for her answer. When it took too long to come, Bora pleaded. “Please... stay.”
Minji opened her mouth to say something but a man’s shout interrupted their moment. “Hey! You’re not supposed to be here!”
And that was their cue to run out of there as fast as possible, laughing all the way to the safety, leaving all that tension behind.
“That was fun!” Minji said as she sat on the bench to take off her ice skating shoes, putting on her normal ones. “My butt hurts though.”
“So does mine, thank you very much.” Bora giggled and put on her warm boots. After their giggles had died out, the brunette whispered, “Thank you... for that.”
“All we did was to lay on the ice and fall... repeatedly.”
“I still loved it.” I still love you.
But she couldn’t say it. Not yet anyway.
They had all the time in the world. She just wanted to be near Minji all the time. Be in her arms, have the taller girl in her arms, bake together, write together, go to sappy Christmas movies together, get back to where they had left off and never leave each other again...
Maybe it was possible.
Christmas wouldn’t suck with Minji by her side.
“What do you want to do after our shift?” Minji asked as she leaned back on her chair comfortably. “I heard there is Santa in the mall...”
Bora scoffed, “I’m not going to see an old man in a costume.”
Her word page didn’t seem too blank anymore though! With Minji’s help, she started to feel... things again; things she hadn’t felt in years and it felt easier to write about the cursed holiday. It wasn’t much and it definitely needed to be edited but so far, it looked good.
“You used to believe in Santa.” Minji reminded her of the ugly times in their childhood. She did believe in Santa for a long time but she didn’t want to say. It was until Minji accidently pointed out in a family dinner that it wasn’t real, earning a glare from Bora’s entire family and a hurtful look from Bora. It felt devastating to find out something she used to believe wholeheartedly was a lie. And her family let her live in a dreamland; all sunshine and rainbows for years.
Maybe it was another reason why Bora didn’t want to see Santa. It was a scam all along!
“Shut up.”
“If I remember correctly... you cried all night when you found out...” Minji snickered and dodged a pen Bora threw at her. “Come on, you loved Santa!”
“Until I found out he is just a creepy, old man!” Bora argued, crossing her arms over her chest with a pout. “I’m not going.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yes. Never. You can’t make me.”
Bora’s scowl grew bigger, eyes narrowed, arms folded over her chest as she stood at the back of the crowd –mostly children with their parents– waiting for Santa to appear. She had no idea how the hell Minji managed to convince her to come here but it happened. Maybe because she was weak for her, yeah that had to be it. She needed to learn how to say no to that woman.
She glared at the purple haired woman who was patiently waiting for Santa with the biggest smile on her face. Now, if she wasn’t annoyed, she would’ve adored that smile.
“What are you going to wish for?” Minji asked.
“If you think I'll go up there to sit on that man’s lap, you’re out of your mind.”
“Why not? Bboya, remember-”
“No!” Bora didn’t let her finish the sentence. No more humiliating childhood stories. “Another cliché?”
“Shoot.”
“All I want for Christmas... is... youuu.” Bora sang the last part sarcastically and watched Minji laugh in disbelief. Another thing she hated; Christmas songs.
Hideous.
Unnecessary.
But she’d memorize them all just to sing it to Minji.
Minji intertwined their fingers, causing Bora’s heart to stop for a beat. “Christmas is fun, Bora.”
“Tell me one good thing about it.”
“It means a new year, a new start. All the bad things in the past year are over.”
Bora shrugged, “You don’t just forget everything though. All that pain and bad times... it stays with you in the new year too.”
“Yes but... in the new year, you can do better than in the previous one so you will have good results.”
Bora remained silent. She didn’t want to argue with her. She didn’t want to ruin her Christmas at least.
So, Minji continued, “It's the only chance to bring the whole family together.”
“You can still bring the whole family together on any day you want.” Bora said as she watched a young boy go over to Santa and sit on his lap. The boy looked so happy, so full of life and unaware of the cruelty of life, still living in that bubble Bora used to live in for so long.
Minji sighed, clearly losing hope in making Bora enjoy Christmas again.
“What happened to you, Bora?”
“I can’t believe Christmas is in three days!” Minji exclaimed loudly and dropped on the couch next to Bora. “Alright, it’s time to watch a Christmas movie.”
“Do you have a checklist or something?”
“Matter of fact, I do. We did ice skating, went to see Santa, decorated a tree, baked cookies and now it’s time to watch a Christmas movie.”
Bora sighed, knowing there was no way out of this, “What’s next?”
“You’ll see.” Minji searched through Netflix to find what she had been looking for. Bora didn’t care, really, she didn’t. She snuggled closer to the taller girl and laid her head on her shoulder. All she wanted was Minji, she would do anything for her.
“Home Alone?” Bora asked, chuckling at the choice of the movie. She heard about Home Alone, it was actually Yubin’s favorite movie of all time. “You’re going to love Yubin.”
“This is a classic.”
“Alright...” the brunette grabbed the blanket next to her to pull it over the couple. She felt Minji’s arm wrap around her shoulder to keep her close and Bora thought she wouldn’t trade this for the world. Hell, she’d watch sappy movies with her until the end.
Okay, what the Hell? How was that an appropriate movie? The parents left their child behind and he had to defend the house from burglars?
“That was literally child neglect, child abuse and stupid. Who leaves a kid behind before an international vacation?” Bora turned the TV off after the movie ended.
“That- that wasn’t...” Minji struggled to find the words, “How do you always see the bad in good things?”
“Good things, sure.” Bora said wryly, “People will enjoy it if they're okay with the violence, profanity, and disrespectful behavior within the family.”
“There is no winning with you...”
Bora wanted to tell her.
People would pity her; they’d look at her differently but not Minji. Never Minji. She didn’t want to have any secrets between them. Maybe, Minji would understand why she hated Christmas. Maybe she’d hate it too. They'd be the Grinch together.
“I got sick.” Bora started as Minji turned her head to give Bora her undivided attention. The journalist brought Bora’s hand to her lips and left a gentle peck on her knuckles.
“My heart was failing. It was damaged beyond repair. We noticed it on Christmas years ago. We had to spend it in the hospital. Then I got better... for a while.” Bora swallowed the lump in her throat to be able to speak again, “Yoohyeon took it the hardest. It killed me to see my little sister crying next to my bed when she thought I was sleeping.”
Minji’s breath hitched, her hold on Bora’s hand tightened, “I’m sorry...”
“We were just waiting for me to die at that point when the doctor barged in and said they had a heart for me. And last Christmas... I got a heart transplant. They said it was a miracle.” Bora pulled her pajama’s front a little down to show Minji the start of her scar.
Minji's eyes down casted to her chest, taking in the vertical surgery scar starting right between her breasts. Hesitatingly, the journalist touched the start of her scar with the point of her finger, her eyes watered but Bora knew it wasn’t out of pity. It was because of regret. Minji wanted to be there through her painful times, support her in any way she could.
“But it didn’t feel like a miracle. They just threw away my heart. I don’t know what they put back but-” A tear streamed down her cheek but Minji wiped it away slowly with her thumb.
“But it didn’t feel right. Not for a while at least...” Bora added, sniffling, “It’s just... I got sick on Christmas; I got a heart transplant in Christmas, my sister and my family suffered more than I ever did in Christmas.”
Minji nodded as she cupped Bora’s cheeks, wiping any tear that managed to escape Bora’s eyes. “That’s why you hate it.”
“They just expected to be normal and get on with life, love Christmas again because for them; my family, it was a miracle.”
“But it was just painful for you...”
“I don’t even know which one was worse. Having to witness my family fall apart while I was sick and nearly died or the pain I had to go through.”
“I wish I was there... I wish I could’ve been there for you. I’m so sorry, Bora...” Minji pulled the tiny, weeping woman in her warm embrace and whispered sweet, calming words into her ear. She could spend an eternity merrily in her arms.
“I’m glad you weren’t... I wouldn’t want you to see me like that.” Bora murmured against the crook of her neck before pulling away to look into her eyes. She let her forehead rest on Minji’s and closed her eyes. “I’m so glad you’re here now.”
“Me too, Bora. I’m glad I’m here too.”
Bora perked up her chin, the tears that had created a thin set of trails down her cheek had already started to dry up as she gazed lovingly into Minji’s eyes.
Those eyes... how they narrowed and squinted; how they shone with tears and smiled... it took Bora’s breath away.
Getting used to her new heart had been a struggle; she could never really feel it connect with her mind but now. Now, right at this very moment, she could hear its pulse beat inside her mind; the ringing it caused appearing as a set of pink strings that played wonderfully composed music to her soul.
And those lips. The way they smiled and flexed gently... she had missed their sensation; she had missed their touch on her lips. She had missed her.
Bora angled her face as she leaned forward; being guided by the harmonious siren-like song her mind and body played and closed her eyes. Her muscles eased up as the tingling sensation of Minji’s lips being pressed against hers took the numbness of her body; when was the last time she had felt this warm? When was the last time she felt this alive?
“Merry Christmas, sis!” Bora hugged Yoohyeon’s back in the kitchen as she was making coffee for both of them.
“Someone is in a good mood.” Her sister laughed softly and spun around to find Bora leaning against the kitchen table with a foolish grin on her face.
“Ah, Yoohyeonie, you have no idea! I’m so happy!” Bora giggled and jumped in her sister’s arms again, hugging the living shit out of her. “Maybe Christmas isn’t that bad after all.”
Bora and Minji were spending every minute together. They'd go to work, try to write their assignments then go out to watch the Christmas lights or just stay at home, talking or watching movies together.
Bora didn’t want to jinx it yet but it seemed like things were looking up. They were getting back to where they had left off.
“Either a Christmas miracle happened or something major happened.” Yoohyeon said after they pulled apart.
“Both!” the brunette chuckled, “Ah, Yoohyeonie... I can’t believe I’m back with her after all those years!”
Yoohyeon gave her an inscrutable look, “Oh?”
“Minji, she- God, she came back! We kissed too! I’ve missed her so much. It was fate that Siyeon left. We are always together! She even made me watch sappy movies. God, I feel so happy!”
Yoohyeon raised an eyebrow in front of her, her expression confused. Why wasn’t she getting excited too? Bora knew her sister adored Minji, they both loved each other. She was shocked by this underreaction.
“Uh.” Her sister averted her gaze for a moment before urging Bora to sit down at the dining table. “Sit down, please.”
Scowling, Bora did as she was told.
“Okay?”
“I have a suspicion on who you’re referring to but I want to be sure.” Dragging in a shaky breath, Yooh continued, “Are you talking about Kim Minji? Your high school girlfriend?”
Bora laughed nervously, “Who else? Are you okay, Yoohyeonie? What’s this reaction? I thought you’d be happier.”
Her sister furrowed her eyebrows, a wave of concern washing over her face as she folded her lips together before tossing her gaze to her side. Then she cleared her throat, “When you collapsed last year, I thought I'd perish with you-”
“Don’t talk like that.” She hated the fact that her condition traumatized her sister the most.
“Don’t interrupt me,” Yoohyeon said softly, “Please just listen...”
Bora was getting nervous as to where this conversation was going. “Okay.”
“When you were hospitalized again and the severity of your case got out. No one was expecting you to make it, Bora...”
Bora didn’t say a word knowing how hard it was for her. For all of them. Her sister gulped hard as she chewed on her bottom lip before speaking again. “News reached Minji’s ears; I don’t know how, I never learned.”
The brunette nodded for her to continue, “She called me. I had fallen asleep in the hospital; her call woke me up. She told me that she had just landed in Korea and asked me to tell her which hospital you were in.”
“And? She told me she came here a year ago. Last Christmas. Why are you telling me this?”
Seconds passed like hours until Yoohyeon opened her mouth to say the words Bora didn’t want to hear, “Minji died on the way to the hospital, Bora.”
The world stopped.
She froze, her face turning into a poor, hollow and empty imitation of what it used to be as every ounce of emotion was drained from her body. She blankly stared at Yoohyeon, feeling that ever creeping sensation of numbness claw at the back of her scalp as she slowly started to process the information that had just been thrown at her.
Bora let out a soft chuckle, “Lies.”
Her sister shook her head as she buried her face in her palms. Her sister wasn’t much of a joker and this was some next level of sickness.
“I don’t believe you.” Bora said but despite her harsh tone, tears started to pool in her eyes, “You’re lying. It's not funny.”
Yoohyeon took a deep shaky breath and reached out with trembling hands to clasp Bora’s tiny hands. Tears rolled down her cheeks silently as Bora shook her head. “Stop fucking around, Yooh. It can’t be true. She is here.”
The black-haired woman squeezed Bora’s hands, “She suffered a massive concussion on the head.”
Bora pulled her hand out of her lying sister’s hands as she viciously shook her head. “No.”
“She was declared brain dead.” Her sister didn’t seem to get the memo to stop fucking lying to her.
The brunette whispered, barely audible, almost to herself, “Shut up. You’re a liar.”
She was a liar. She felt Minji’s touch, her warm skin, her hugs, her soft lips, she felt all of it. Yoohyeon must be out of her mind to even claim that Minji was dead. She couldn’t be.
“She was an organ donor.”
That did it.
“Shut up!” She shouted on top of her lungs. She hated yelling at her sister but if this was the only way to stop her then she would. She covered her ears to block out the next lie coming out of her mouth. “I don’t want to hear it, shut up!”
“She gave you her heart, Bora...”
Bora folded her stomach, her elbows touching the table’s surface as she clenched her head; she couldn’t stop the tears, the heartache, the pain, the agony... The way her heart –Minji's heart– beat and pounded inside her chest. This heart, Minji’s heart, it didn’t belong in there. It belonged to Minji...
She didn’t want to live; not at the cost of Minji’s life. It was her fault, wasn’t it? If she hadn’t gotten sick, Minji wouldn’t have rushed to see her and die on the way! No. She couldn’t do this.
She wanted to tear her heart out of her ribcage and give it back to its owner; give it back to Minji. She should be the one six feet under, not her soulmate, not her sweetheart...
The new heart she had been carrying felt heavier than ever now.
Bora screamed in what could only be described as a hopeless, desperate cry for help as she wept and grieved; mourning the loss of her beloved; a beloved whose heart never ceased to beat, a beloved whose heartbeat pulsed inside her body. The doctors had managed to successfully patch her surgery wound up but the mental tear. The knowledge of where her heart came from... no medical care or medication would ever be able to fix it; to heal it.
Bora didn’t know how long she cried, didn’t even realize Yoohyeon’s arms around her or hear her comforting words. She remembered the times they had spent together. Was it all a lie? How was she able to see her; feel her? She felt her deep in her core, it was too real to be a fucking hallucination. She remembered their cookie baking, decorating a Christmas tree, ice skating, seeing Santa...
She was all alone.
Without Minji.
She was just a figment of her imagination.
Bora came to the park late at night after Yoohyeon dumped the truck load of information on her. She needed to clear her head. She spent the whole night crying in her bed, clutching at her chest to feel her; Minji's heartbeat.
It still felt unreal, the fact that it was her soulmate’s heart in there, beating and working hard to keep Bora alive. Minji died so that Bora could live... it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. Dropping her head into her hands, she cried.
She cried until she felt a gentle hand on top of her head. How was this possible? How could she feel her? She gazed up to see the love of her life, the savior of her life staring down at her with a half-smile. Bora was stunned to see the emotions in her eyes.
She felt far too earthy to be a figment of her imagination.
After what felt like an eternity, Minji slowly sat down next to her and intertwined their fingers. Bora smiled, knowing her face was a blotchy mess. She didn’t even care if Minji was a ghost, a hallucination or a figment of her imagination...
She was real for her.
“How...” Bora whispered but her words ended on a choked breath. “How are you here?”
This moment, it felt frozen out of time. Minji drew a shaky breath as she caressed Bora’s hand to soothe her a little, in their own love language.
“I don’t know. I remember being surrounded by white... A hole in my chest. Then I saw you. All alone sitting in your office chair... The hole in my chest, it pulsed. Then I remembered... I remembered us. But I don’t know how I got here.”
“You have your own thoughts. You're not repeating my feelings...” Bora said as if she was talking to herself. If this was her imagination, wouldn’t she just repeat her feelings? She glanced at the look-alike of her dead lover. “What are you?”
“I am a part of you.”
The brunette chuckled weakly, “Alone and insane. Talking to myself. Have I gone mad?”
The purple haired –dead– woman’s face fell, her expression hurtful as she whispered, “I’m not here to hurt you, though...” her tone sounded so innocent and pure, Bora’s heart –no, Minji’s heart– clenched inside her chest.
Bora used her free hand to caress the woman’s cheek –whoever or whatever she was– her lips twitching into a sorrowful smile, “You resemble her so much.” she murmured as a tear broke free from her eye yet again.
“I am her.”
Bora shook her head, completely in denial as she clenched her eyes shut, letting the tears fall one by one on her already wet cheeks.
“How can I feel you?” she asked one of the million questions in her mind.
Minji brought the brunette’s hand to her lips as her free hand pressed against Bora’s chest, “Because we’re physically connected. I am a part of you, Bora.”
“You’re really my Minji?” the brunette whispered out. At first, she didn’t want to believe it. Maybe it was a demon taking Minji’s form because she was an important figure in her life. But now...
“I really am your Minji.”
Bora tightened the hold on the woman’s hand as she stared into her eyes... those incredible, unearthly eyes held her prisoner. The more she looked at her, the more she realized, this was in fact the love of her life.
“There are a lot of things I don’t understand,” Minji added through her shallow breaths, “But I think I completed my mission...”
The brunette nodded weakly, remembering their first encounter, “Make me love Christmas again...”
“Yes.”
“Well... It worked.” Bora whispered, “Despite everything... You can go, Minji. You can be free now. I'll be okay.”
Minji muffled back a sob with the back of her hand, she looked relieved. Happy to be finally free from this world she didn’t belong to and continue her journey. “Thank you...”
Bora exhaled a weak laugh, a desperate; almost pathetic attempt to make herself feel better. “You know when I used to call you my angel, I didn’t mean it literally.”
Minji smiled again, “I guess something went either extremely well or horribly wrong.”
They both chuckled at her comment as the silence filled the cold night. Bora couldn’t stop staring at her, it could be the last time she’d ever be able to see her again. Bora wasn’t ready for that... she had spent ten years apart from the love of her life only to reunite with the ghost of her.
It wasn’t fair.
Minji leaned in to capture her lips. Bora melted in the heat of her kiss, the delicate sweetness of it...
“Take care of my heart, Bora.” Minji whispered against her lips.
Bora swallowed the thick emotion on her throat, she had waited ten years to say those magical words again but never in a million years would she have guessed to say it to her ghost. That wasn’t part of the plan. That wasn’t how their life was supposed to turn out.
“I love you...”
A beautiful, breathtaking smile appeared on Minji’s lips: “I love you too.”
“I promise, I will take good care of your heart.”
“It was always yours to begin with.”
Sometimes for a heart to continue beating, another had to stop.