Chapter Text
Returning to the bunker was always a relief, especially after a long or difficult hunt. Getting back to showers with good water pressure, a bed he was comfortable in, a kitchen he knew was as clean as possible, it was all the best part of coming home. This time however, things were a bit different to normal.
For a start, Dean had been promised some answers.
Cas had explained some of what was going on after he’d turned back to his normal human-shaped self, but when Dean had asked for more detail he’d asked that they wait until they were back. Dean could understand, this was clearly personal, of course Cas wouldn’t want to share it somewhere he didn't feel safe.
He was still impatient though, however much he tried to remind himself that Cas had asked him to be patient, so he should be. It was just natural curiosity, and if he was being completely honest with himself, it was fear too. He loved Cas and this was definitely the best thing to ever happen to him, but that didn’t change the fact that everything was changing. His instincts were changing, and would change even more if he and Cas completed the bond like they planned, his view of the world was changing, his own sense of self was changing. And yet he didn’t know what any of it was changing into.
He needed Cas to explain it. Hopefully between the two angels they would know what was happening, and there wouldn’t be any unwanted surprises later on.
Unfortunately though, after ten hours of driving to get back, it was way too late to have the conversation they needed. That left Dean unsure where they sat. On one hand, all he really wanted to do was grab as many blankets as he possibly could, somewhere as safe as possible, and cuddle with Cas until the morning. But on the other hand... Did Cas want to cuddle with him? Was he allowed to do that? Should he be listening to these new instincts? Or ignoring them and pretending nothing had changed? Everything was okay when they were in the motel, but now the rest of the world was creeping back in and Dean didn’t know how to adjust to that.
“Cassie,” Dean heard Gabriel hiss as he dumped his duffle on the war room table.
Cas was just behind Gabriel and much better at whispering than his brother, so Dean didn’t get to hear what his response was, but he did hear what Gabe said next.
“Your sub,” Gabe said. Dean frowned, suddenly feeling the weight of two pairs of eyes on his back. Sam was ahead of him, his shoulders drooping from the long day, and he barely looked around before calling a goodnight and heading off towards his room. They had a routine after long times away from the bunker which boiled down to leaving everything to the morning, and then spending their first full day back doing all the jobs that needed doing.
Maybe Dean would do it anyway. He would be able to get out of going to bed if he was doing laundry, and then he wouldn't have to worry about how this was going to work now they were back.
He was about to grab the duffle bags when there were strong hands on his wrists, pulling him back and away from the bags.
"Dean," Cas purred, because there really wasn't any other way to describe the noise. "I can hear you overthinking everything. What's wrong?"
For a moment, Dean held strong, but then as though the strings holding him up had been cut, he collapsed against Cas' chest. The angel's arms wrapped around him, strong and warm and safe, and Dean felt himself relax for what felt like the first time since they'd started heading back.
"I don't know what to do," Dean whispered, "I don't know… I don't know what we are."
"I'm sorry, Dean, I keep messing up," Cas chuckled quietly, "these things are basic angel customs, but I realize they're not obvious to you."
Dean nodded against Cas' chest, thankful that he was being understood. For some reason, he still expected Cas to just scoff when he talked about his problems, like John always had. "You're not messing anything up," he said quietly, though he got the feeling Cas didn't believe him for a second.
"I promise I will explain everything tomorrow," Cas said, his fingers gentle as he fiddled with Dean's hair. "What do you want to do until then? Don't overthink it. Just tell me what you want."
"I'd like to cuddle," Dean whispered. He didn't expect Cas to hear him, but as always he was just underestimating angel powers. Even Gabe, standing a few feet away, laughed quietly as he clearly heard what Dean said.
"Okay," Cas smiled fondly, "we can do that." He pressed a kiss into Dean's hair, and then turned to his brother. "Will you still be here tomorrow?"
"Are you asking if I'm going to help explain all the angel stuff to your sub?"
"Yes," Cas nodded shamelessly, "this feels like a two angel job."
"Yeah, okay," Gabe sighed, rolling his eyes with no feeling behind it.
“Thank you,” Cas grinned, slowly pushing Dean away from his chest and holding his hand tightly. “You need sleep,” he said. Dean would have argued if it had been anyone else, but this was Cas, so instead he just nodded and started following him down the hall towards his own bedroom.
It was awkward, for just a moment, after Dean was changed into his sleep pants and they tried to climb into bed. There was an itch under Dean's skin telling him to make a nest, but he was honestly too tired to do anything about that right then, and he and Cas had never actually shared a normal bed together, not when it wasn't made into a nest.
Dean hadn't shared a bed like this with anyone in… a long time. Probably not since Lisa, and even then they had kept to their own sides most of the time. This time, Cas lay right down in the middle of the bed, a soft look in his eyes while he waited for Dean to get over his hesitation and climb in too.
He curled around his angel like his instincts were telling him to, tucking his head under Cas' chin and relaxing against his chest, and instantly he knew he'd been sleeping better than ever before tonight. This was what he'd been missing for so many years. This was what he'd always needed.
"Sleep well, my love," Cas whispered and Dean was asleep before he could even think about answering.
The first thing Dean was aware of when he woke the next morning, was how safe he felt. He was warm and content, safe and whole. It was a good feeling, and he couldn't think of anything worse than waking up the rest of the way and returning to the real world. He knew how this shit worked. He woke up, the good feelings went away, and things would just keep getting worse from there.
"You need to wake up, Dean," a warm voice chuckled, "it's morning."
His eyes flew open, staring in wonder up at Cas.
Of course.
It all came pouring back to him, a smile spreading across his face as it did so. The warm feeling wasn't going to go away.
Cas wanted him.
"Cas," he said, one hand wrapping itself in Cas' dress shirt, while the other reached up to trace Cas' cheek. "Good morning."
"I take it you slept well?" Cas laughed, leaning into the touch.
"Better than ever before," Dean admitted. He'd always thought his memory foam mattress was the height of luxury, but right now he could be lying on a stone floor and as long as Cas was with him, that would be all he needed.
"I'm glad to hear it," Cas smiled, "are you ready to get up? We'll grab some breakfast and then start talking."
Dean felt a thrill of equal parts joy and fear at the reminder. Cas was going to explain everything. Maybe this would turn out to be an ignorance is bliss kind of situation, but Dean was looking forward to it regardless. He wanted to be with Cas forever, but he needed to know the full picture before he could do that.
"Sounds good," Dean agreed, burying his face back against Cas' chest and settling back down.
Cas hummed a little tune, one hand stroking through Deans hair while the other one-
Dean gasped, a jump going through his entire body as Cas yanked the covers off him and exposed his sleep-warm skin to the cold air.
"Cas!" Dean yelped, only just managing to hold back from punching his angel.
"You should have got up," Cas replied, not feeling a single ounce of pity. "Come on, I'll go put a pot of coffee on." And then he was off, leaving Dean staring open mouthed at the door.
"Bastard."
Gabe and Sam were also in the kitchen by the time Dean shuffled in, his hair still wet from his shower and a fake scowl on his face when he saw Cas.
"I hate you," he told Cas, taking the mug of coffee he was handed and kissing Cas on the cheek. He lingered for a moment in Cas' personal space, making the most of the fact he could do this now.
"Sure you do," Cas laughed. He kissed Dean's forehead before gently pushing him away and taking a seat at the table while Dean grabbed some of the food Gabriel was cooking.
"Trouble in paradise?" Sam asked, his eyes soft when he looked at the smile on Dean's face. Dean knew his brother had been worrying about him, and it was nice to be able to put his worries to rest without having to do anything but be happy.
"This angel right here," Dean replied, dramatically pointing at Cas, "is a bastard."
"I woke him up," Cas explained to both Gabe and Sam's confused faces. "He didn't like it."
"He threw the covers off me!" Dean threw his arms into the air to really get the point across, and noticed the odd look on Sam's face as he looked between the two of them. "What?"
"You two are going to work out so well together," Sam said as though that answered anything.
Of course they were going to work out well together, they hadn't been dancing around this whole thing for ten years for no reason after all!
The conversation ended up happening in the Dean cave. Dean took one armchair and both angels chose to stand. Intimidating was an understatement, but Dean wasn't going to chicken out of this conversation. Not now.
"Alright," Dean said, leaning backwards and pretending he wasn't internally freaking out. "What have you got for me?"
"Are you sure, Dean? I can feel you're freaking out," Cas said gently, "we don't have to do this now."
"Yes we do," Dean disagreed. "I'm fine, just a bit nervous. I'm not letting you put this conversation off any longer."
"Alright," Cas smiled warmly, before turning serious again. "We've already explained the angel mate thing to you, but I'm guessing you want to hear more about what this means for you personally? And what this means for us?"
"Yeah, pretty much," Dean nodded, thankful that he didn't need to try to explain how he was feeling about this whole thing yet.
"In angel society, there are Submissives and Dominants, and when they decide to bond, they become everything to each other." Cas glanced over at Dean, making it clear that this applied to them too. "They spend as much time together as possible, which mostly means not separating at all. Their instincts would make them finish the bond before too long, and they would easily find their roles in relation to each other by following their instincts."
"Does this mean your instincts are trying to get you to finish our bond?" Dean frowned. His instincts were still mostly human, just a little strange sometimes, and they were already bad enough. He couldn't imagine how that would be for Cas.
"Yes, but it's okay. I can ignore them," Cas promised him. "I am not going to let them hurry me when we are not ready yet."
Dean nodded, thankful that his angel, his Dom, was so patient and willing to wait for him to be ready.
"So what do I have to look forward to if we continue this?"
"Your instincts are going to change even more," Gabe said simply, "towards something more like a submissive angel’s would have always been. That's going to be some big changes for you. We are talking inability to be without Cas for too long."
It was a warning, and Dean knew he shouldn't just brush it off. He had been independent for most of his life, mostly just because he had to be, but he still wasn't used to having to rely on anyone. If he did have to rely on someone… he'd choose it to be Cas, but that didn't change the fact he might not be ready for this.
But then again… he wanted Cas. He wanted to be Cas' and he wanted Cas to be his. Forever. And this was the way for that to be possible.
He was a human, of course it would be weird, but it also felt right.
"Anything else?"
"You might get wings," Cas grinned. "They would probably not be able to come onto the physical plane, but wings are so important to angels, it's likely your soul would gain some form of them."
Out of all the things Cas could have said, Dean really hadn't expected that one. He froze for a moment, his mind trying to wrap itself around that one.
Wings, huh?
He couldn't exactly say that was making him rethink anything.
They talked for at least two hours about everything, from angel customs and instincts—though both Gabe and Cas were Doms, so they weren't completely helpful about that—to what will have already changed, and what would change even more if they decided to bond.
By the end of it, Dean's head hurt and he felt exhausted, but he also knew that none of it was enough to scare him away from bonding with Cas.
For as long as Cas wanted him, he wanted him too.