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Hunter actually had an incredible level of patience, all things considered. Mack passes him the link on a Tuesday and he doesn’t start snooping until the following Friday.
He starts with Skye because the combination of callously ranking SHIELD men on their datability and the level of software security that the poll had meant she was the one to see.
“So, what’s my score love?” He asks, slipping into the seat next to her in the lounge on Friday at precisely 16:13. Skye doesn’t bother looking up from her tablet.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” She replies.
“Please?”
“Hunter, even if I knew of what you were speaking I would assume that any participant would get a notification to see final numbers when they were ready.”
“You should do one for women,” Hunter suggested.
“No,” Skye said.
“Why not?”
“Two reasons. One, May would win and then kick everyone’s asses. Second,” she added, ”Straight men are disgusting.”
“That’s fair,” Hunter allowed.
It was another few days before the e-mail with the ratings came through, and Hunter was fairly excited as he opened it up. He hadn’t expected to get first or anything. After all, he was aware that Mack was kind of godlike if you were into that sort of thing, and Tripp found any excuse to wear his dress blues, and Fitz was almost resplendent in his charming mix of adorable elegance… So no, he hadn’t been anticipating the top spot, but he had been expecting to get more than just —
“One?” Hunter whined to Mack. “Only one person voted for me!”
“Calm down,” Mack said. “We were only allowed to put one name, that’s pretty low odds.”
“You got thirty three votes,” Hunter reminded him. Mack shrugged. He had gotten second, with Tripp placing first with forty two votes and Fitz in a flustered 3rd with twenty seven.
“I know,” came the reply.
“Tell me the truth mate, did you give me a pity vote?” Hunter asked.
“No,” Mack said. “I could never date you, I know you too well.”
“What does that mean?”
“I voted for Joey,” Mack continued, ignoring him.
“Oh. He is your type isn’t he then?” Lance mused with a slight nod. Joey had netted 7 votes and was reportedly nearly as flustered as Fitz.
“I wonder who voted for me then,” Lance mused.
“Who’d you vote for?”
“Fitz,” Hunter said with an air of ‘duh’ to his tone. Mack nodded and Lance had a realization. “Hold on now, were you suggesting that I voted for myself?”
“Well…” Mack shrugged.
“So my best mate’s opinion of me is so low, that he doesn’t even suppose I got one single vote on my own merits?”
“That’s not what I meant,” Mack said with a sigh. “You are eminently datable.”
“Coulson got twelve votes!” Lance pointed out. “Each of the creepy triplets got 2!”
“Everyone has a type, Hunter. Maybe people think you’re hot, just not datable.”
“Well if that’s the case I don’t see how Tripp placed above Fitz. Tripp may be too hot for his own good, but Fitz is the total package.”
“I’m not the total package?” Mack clarified.
“You placed second, let’s not pretend you have insecurities,” Lance said drily. Mack considered this for a moment before nodding.
“True.”
“Skye!”
“No,” she replied, not breaking stride. Lance matched her pace.
“But — ”
“No.”
“I only got one vote, love, I just want to know who it is.”
“No,”
“Mack says he didn’t give me a pity vote, but I can’t be sure.”
“Hunter,” Skye said with a sigh, stopping for a moment and resting a hand on his arm. “I cannot tell you how much I don’t care about that.” She patted his arm twice and walked away as he spluttered.
“Just one vote though!” Lance - admittedly - whined. Skye sighed and spun on her heel, crossing her arms.
“Look Hunter, if I told you who voted for you - assuming I’d even know how to find that information,” she started. Hunter snorted but she ignored him. “To be fair, wouldn’t I also have to tell the person you voted for that you voted for them?”
Lance’s first instinct was to shrug that off, over thirty other people had voted for Fitz and it wasn’t a big deal. Fitz was a bit embarrassed to be sure, but he’d probably be flattered. Or awkward. He might even be a little offended, Fitz had a rather horrible self-image and might consider it a joke. Or he might not consider it a joke and instead become very uncomfortable with Hunter’s very presence, and take to avoiding him even more than he had when Lance had first set foot on the bus. Lance may be half in love with Fitz, but he’d always known it would never go anywhere since the scientist was straight and practically married already, but there was a difference between liking someone who could never like you back and that person knowing he liked them.
“That’s a completely different situation,” he tried, argument sounding weak even to him. “The person I voted for got more than one vote, it’s less of a big deal.”
“I don’t understand why it’s a big deal at all,” Skye said, rolling her eyes. She did look a bit… well, that expression was either pity or sympathy and Lance couldn’t quite trust his judgment as to which.
“It’s not,” Lance decided. “You’re right, never mind.”
Skye looked doubtful, but simply shrugged again and walked away.
“Hey there,” Bobbi said, hopping on the treadmill next to his.
“Well I know you didn’t vote for me, Love,” Lance said.
“Obviously,” Bobbi said with a shrug. “But I have some news from Jemma from Skye for you.”
“She told Jemma?”
“Not exactly,” Bobbi said. At Lance’s flat look, she continued. “Jemma convinced her to try to set you up on a blind date with the person who voted for you.”
Hunter blinked.
“What?”
“You heard me the first time,” Bobbi said, upping the speed on her machine.
“I don’t…. Why?” Hunter asked.
“You’ve been so insistent on asking,” Bobbi said. “What else were you expecting to happen?”
“… I hadn’t really thought that far ahead,” Hunter said. “I was just curious.”
“So you don’t want the date?” Bobbi asked.
“No? Yes? Maybe?”
“Those are the options,” Bobbi said.
“Who is it?” Lance asked.
“I was not told that, and I’d guess that you wouldn’t be either - thus the concept of a blind date.” Bobbi said. “I don’t think they’d do it if it was someone they thought you would object to. They’re trouble, but the good kind.”
“You only say that because you want to marry one of them,” Lance said. Bobbi laughed but didn’t deny it. “I’m not a fan of blind dates, Bob.”
“I know that, and I said that,” Bobbi replied. “But you’ve been such a pain about it, they figured you wouldn’t be able to resist..”
“Yeah but I’m…”
“Pining?”
“No!”
“Lance, I think I know when my ex-husband is pining.”
“How does that make any sense?”
“Mack thinks so too.”
“Well you’re both wrong.”
“Then why not go out on this blind date?”
“Just because I don’t want to go on a date with a stranger doesn’t mean I’m pining,” Lance said, powering down his machine. “It means that I don’t want to go on a date with a stranger.”
“How is it any different from going to pick someone up at a bar?” Bobbi asked, turning off her machine too.
“Expectations and a lack of sex?” Lance replied before taking a swig from his water bottle. He could feel rather than see Bobbi’s eye roll.
“This is your opportunity to know who voted for you though,” Bobbi pointed out.
“Bob…” Lance sighed.
“Let me see if I can get into your headspace here,” Bobbi said. “You’re projecting. Because if you were offered a date with the person that you voted for, you would have hopes and expectations. But! As you, being the person voted for, know that you have no expectations for falling in love and you’re just doing it to find out. You think it’d be leading them on.”
“It would be leading them on,” Hunter said.
“It would not be,” Bobbi countered.
“Fine,” Hunter ground out.
Lance had to admit that deep down, below the bitterness of watching his romantic relationship break apart, he did have the heart of a romantic. And maybe he’d let Idaho talk him into watching just a few too many rom-coms back in the day, but… there was a part of him that maybe expected Fitz to be the one walking up to his table at the little bistro. But when he looked up from his phone at the sound of footsteps approaching, he knew they weren’t his.
“Christine!” Christine Charles was an analyst who only occasionally ended up in Lance’s day-to-day work. She was sweet, and her blush very pretty as she bit her lip and sat down.
“Hunter,” she said warmly. “It’s nice to see you… gosh this is awkward.”
“It is, isn’t it?” Lance replied. They both started to laugh. “But I took Mack’s credit card so - meal’s on him, we may as well get some food.”
“Sounds good to me,” Christine said, tucking a curl behind one ear.
Christine was lovely - she was kind, she laughed at Lance’s jokes, and made him laugh with her impression of Sitwell. It was nice.
“Christine, can I admit something to you?” Lance said as they waited for the sever to return with Mack’s card. She nodded at him. “I kind of had to be bullied into this; I almost cancelled so many times.”
“Oh god - me too!” Christine said with a laugh. “I’m glad you didn’t, though. I’ve had a nice time.”
“Me too,” Lance said.
“… but I’m not the face you were hoping to see tonight, huh?” She said with a small grin, a tilt of her head, and a raise of one eyebrow.
“What? No!” Lance protested. She shook her head, still smiling.
“Come on now Agent, I saw your face when I walked over.” She grabbed his hand on the table. “You know I have a boyfriend, right?”
“You do?”
“Yes,” she emphasized. “He’s not SHIELD though, so when the poll reached my inbox I couldn’t exactly vote for him.” She laughed again at whatever expression Lance’s face was pulling.
“I apologize for my ego,” he said. “This is embarrassing.”
“No, don’t!” She assured him. “I thought Skye had told you.”
“Skye tells me jack shit, Love.” Hunter said drily. “To friend-dates then.”
“To friend-dates,” Christine agreed, clicking her mostly-empty glass against his. “But you have to tell me now, who were you hoping to see?”
“Oh, you know… May,” Hunter said with a shrug. Christine rolled her eyes.
“Come on now, fess up.”
“Stays between us?” Hunter said. She held up her right hand.
“Scout’s honor.”
“I’m British, Love, that means nothing to me.”
“Hunter!”
“Fine,” he said. “If you must know, I am one of the many who voted for Fitz. Not meant to be, I suppose.” He shrugged.
“He got third right?” Christine asked. Lance nodded. “He is very sweet.”
“Nah, he can be a real shit when he wants to be,” Lance countered with a smirk, earning another laugh. “But he is very loyal, and scary smart, and really bloody hot.”
“Knowing Agent Morse, I’d say you have type,” Christine said, sticking out her tongue when he tossed his napkin at her. “All the men of SHIELD and that’s who you’d pick?”
“In a heartbeat,” Hunter said with a shrug. “Honestly Love, I know you voted for me but I think anyone who didn’t vote for Fitz has questionable taste.”
“I’ve always heard of it being him and Jemma though,” Christine said. Hunter waved a hand.
“I never said I had realistic tastes, just good ones,” He said as he tucked Mack’s card back in his wallet. “I’m very familiar with the concept of lusting after a straight man.”
“Well, he’d be lucky to have you,” Christine told him.
“Would you like me to walk you to your car?” He asked as they exited the bistro. Christine shook her head.
“Thank you, but I’m just right here.” She pulled out her keys and walked over to the sedan a few cars down the street. “Thank you for a lovely night.”
“you too Love, drive safe.” He waved as she drove off and then let out a breath into the cool dusk air, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jacket and — abruptly realizing that he had left his phone inside the restaurant.
“Shite,” he muttered, headed back in.
The hostess waved him thru and he scooped up his phone resting safely on the tabletop.
and then the paused for a moment, catching a weird glint from the window.
“… no…” he muttered, grouching down and lifting up the tablecloth slightly. “Son of a bitch.”
Lance calmly walked back out of the restaurant - a nod to the hostess - and started for the nearby park, pulling out his phone and dialing.
“A bug, Skye, are you bloody serious?” There was no reply, the voicemail had picked up. “That was humiliating, and if I get back to find the whole base laughing at my bloody crush on a straight man who’s in love with your best friend, Skye, I swear to god I will — “
“I’m not though,” the calm voice from behind him honest-to-god made Lance jump, nearly dropping his phone.
“Fuck!” He said, spinning around. “Fitz?”
“Straight, I mean,” Fitz continued with a slight shrug. “Or in love with Simmons, so you’re uh… oh for two on that front.”
“What?” Lance said, blinking at him.
“Between that and letting me get the j-jump on you, I’m starting to sue wonder about your spying abilities, Mate.”
“What are you doing here?” Lance asked, fumbling to stick his phone back in his pocket.
“I had to apologize,” Fitz said, stepping closer. “This is all my fault, but I decided while I was here I should prob-probably clear up some missa… misunderstandings you have.”
“What do you mean your fault?” Lance asked. There were too many questions for his frazzled brain to focus on so he grabbed onto that one.
Fitz nodded to a nearby bench and when they both sat, he started talking.
“The poll,” Fitz said. “It wasn’t my idea, but the timing made me realize it was because of something I had told Skye it was an… it was her attempt at an ego boost for me and…” Fitz paused, rubbing his hands together.
“… and?” Lance prompted. When Fitz hesitated again, Lance gave him a sardonic smile. “Love, you just heard me admit that I’m a grown-ass man with a schoolboy crush on you… twice. It can’t be more embarrassing than that.”
“I didn’t actually listen,” Fitz said. “At the restaurant? I was busy getting here to try and stop them but Skye texted what you said and… ah…”
Fitz let out a short breath.
“Skye had heard from Mack and Bobbi that you were pining after someone.” Lance had to stop himself from objecting to that, because really there was no point. “And she thought the poll would be a sneaky way of f-finding out who.”
“Why would — ” Lance started, Fitz cut him off.
“Because I had told her that I had feelings for you.”
what.
“What?” Lance said.
“I have feelings for you, Hunter,” Fitz repeated. There was a light blush accross his cheeks - in contrast to Lance’s own face, which he was pretty sure was neon red at this point.
“And you’re not straight?” He clarified. Fitz rolled his eyes.
“Never have been, I’m just as bi as you.”
“and you like me,” Lance said.
“Yes Hunter.”
“And I also have feelings for you.”
“So I’ve heard,” Fitz said, a bright smile breaking out over his face.
“And - at least since the poll - Skye knew both of these things and didn’t just… tell you?”
“I wanted independent confirmation,” his pocked piped up. “The poll was promising but before I let Fitz put himself out there, I wanted to —”
“Aaahh, Fuck’s sake, Skye!” Lance griped, pulling the phone back out of his pocket and hanging up the call. He looked back over at Fitz, who was smiling at him. “Where were we?”
Fitz’ smile took on the edges of a smirk.
“About here,” he said before leaning forward and capturing Lance’s lips in a kiss.