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The cave of secrets had a wicked reputation. It's easy to get out – as long as you don't have any secrets. Which made for the infamous number of people being lost there.
Arthur felt a cold wind coming from one of the tunnels, and he wasn't sure if he actually heard voices or was just imaging them. He had heard that the caves whisper back the secrets that people lost told them, in hope of getting out again. There was supposed to be a place where all the secrets were held. And that's what they had been looking for. For days now. And Merlin's condition was getting worse. Arthur was also pretty sure that they were lost.
He didn't know what moved him to take this exquisitely dangerous journey. Well, no, that was a lie. He knew exactly why he was here, and it was mostly due to this servant, who was half walking, half being carried by Arthur through the tunnels. After gloriously sacrificing himself for Arthur – again – and drinking the poison meant for the king, he was now slowly loosing his mind. And the recipe for the antidot could only be found in the caves, because it`s creator once got lost here. Just like the are now.
Arthur put down Merlin and let himself slide to the floor next to him. Merlin muttered something and opened his eyes, looking sheepishly at Arthur. The look of his bright blue eyes made Arthur's chest ache. Most of the time, Merlin would be asleep now, waking up irregularly for a few minutes to hours, mostly blabbering some incoherent gibberish or just finding everything incredibly funny. But sometimes he was fully awake and seemed to be aware of his surroundings. Those episodes only lasted a few minutes, and they were getting less and less every day. But right now, Merlin was awake.
“Where are we? Has someone kidnapped you again?”
Arthur let out a quick laugh, exhausted. Merlin has asked him that question every time he had been awake these past days and had never remembered the answer.
“Cave,” Arthur answered.
Merlin nodded solemnly. “Mm. Let me rephrase that. What cave are we in, and why are we here?”
Arthur let his head fall back again the wall of the cave: “To save your sorry ass from loosing your mind,” he said.
“Ah yes, good old cave therapy, works in nine out of ten cas- what was that?”
The whispers have started again, this time louder, closer. Arthur got up, walking a few steps towards them. “Arthur, be careful,” Merlin staggered to his feet, nearly falling down again. He propped himself against the wall.
“Don`t worry, they're just voices. They don't do anything,” Arthur replied, turning around.
“They want something,” Merlin said.
“I know. We want something too. The antidote, so you don`t loose your mind and then jump of the castle walls or drown yourself in the nearest river.”
“Did I drink poison again?”
“Yes, you drank poison again. Because for some reason, you insist on heroically saving my life, with little to no regard for your own.”
Merlin shrugged. “It's my destiny,” he said, staring into Arthur’s eyes, “and I wouldn't want it any other way.” Arthur wanted to throw him against the wall. Instead he sighed.
“Let's go, we don`t have much more provisions left. Or light, for that matter.”
----------------------------------------------------
Hours later, when Arthur woke up from the brake they were taking, Merlin was still sleeping on the cave’s floor. Arthur buried his hands in his face. He had given the cave every secret he had, and yet he could not find a way. He was a king, he was supposed to lead his people, and he was not supposed to cry in frustration in a tunnel system he could not find a way out.
“Arthur?” the cry seemed to have woken up Merlin, who was now blinking up at him.
“Did I wake you? I´m sorry.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Merlin grinned, “you are the king after all, and if you find it fit to scream into an empty cave, you have every right to do so,” he indicated a bow, then broke into a fit of giggles.
Arthur closed his eyes. His patience was low, and his nerves were tense.
The voices picked up again, even louder than before, but Arthur could still not make out a word they were saying.
Merlin looked around, wide eyed: “Hellooo??? Is someone there? Please, join us for this lovely picknick we're having here,” he spread his arms to any potential viewers.
The whispering grew louder.
“Merlin, just let it be, they won`t help us,” Arthur said, tired.
“Yes they can,” Merlin replied, grinning, “they say they know the way. The way where?” he asked, turning to Arthur.
“Wait a minute,” Arthur stared at him. “You can understand them?”
“I sure can,” Merlin said happily. Then his eyes grew big, like he just realised something. “Do you think they are-“ he dropped his voice, “magic?”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “They sure are, or have you ever heard of naturally occurring bodyless voices before?”
“Hm.” Merlin put his hand under his chin, imitating a thinking position. “I don't think I have, no.”
“Can you stop that? Please? I know you can't take anything seriously right now, but we need to get out of here, unless we want to starve. And that's a rather inglorious death, not fit for a king.” He reached to seize Merlin’s arm, but he danced out of the way.
“So let the voices help, they say they can help, I believe them,” Merlin turned towards the dark end of the cave, Arthur sighing.
“Oh you magic voices, please help us find our way out of here,” Merlin said in a weird kind of sing-sang, then breaking into a fit of giggles.
The wind picked up, and the voices grew louder, so loud, Arthur had to cover his ears with his hands. Merlin just stood there, listening intensely. Then he indicated for Arthur to take his hands of his ears. The whispers have grown back down to their usual murmur. Merlin grinned excitedly.
“Arthur, it's easy, they just want our secrets,” he said happily.
“I KNOW, Merlin, and I have given them every secret I have, you were there, even if you don't remember, it doesn't work, don't you underst-“
“Oh no, those aren't secrets,” Merlin said, making a dismissive gesture, “don't get me wrong, but they want a REAL secret. Where you put your dirty laundry when no one is looking isn't a real secret. It´s not a secret at all, because I know it. Who do you think picks it up? Anyway, they also say, you will have a secret, but it`s something you yourself don`t know yet. Hm. That`s going to be interesting. Shame I won`t remember this. They want something that can change your life, if anyone found out. I have a real secret,” Merlin suddenly stopped his monologue, his eyes shining with excitement.
“What on earth are you talking about? What's a secret I don't know yet? What's that supposed to even mean?” Arthur desperately ran his hands through his hair. “And what do you mean you have secret, Merlin, you are an open book, I´m pretty sure I know everything there is about you.”
“Ah,” Merlin exclaimed, spined elegantly on the spot, then stepped closer to Arthur, suddenly being very up in his space.
“I have a real secret,” he said, giggling, “that I´m not supposed to tell anyone. Want to hear it?”
--------------------------------------------------
When Arthur returned to his bedroom after delivering a very much asleep Merlin and the recipe for the antidote to Gaius, Gwen was waiting for him.
“I was so worried,” she run to hug him, and Arthur could feel some of the tension leave his shoulders. Still.
Gwen drew back, looking at him, “What's wrong? I saw you bring Merlin to Gaius, he`ll be alright,” she said softly, a hand stroking Arthur’s cheek. Arthur closed his eyes, wanting to stay like this forever. But he was a king, and his servant has just told him a life changing secret. He opened his eyes to look at his wife.
“Merlin,” he said, “he-“ Arthur gulped. “He is.” Arthur shook his head to get his head straight (ha). Gwen took his hand and led him to a chair, taking the seat opposite of him. Arthur took a deep breath and started again.
“In the caves. It's true. They want you to spill a secret, if you don't want to be lost forever. And we were. Lost. For days. I told them any secrets I had, but apparently, they didn't count,” he laughed humourlessly. “And Merlin's condition was getting worse. When we were out of food, he didn’t have any clear moments anymore. I never told him, where we were, or what they want from us, because I thought it wouldn't make a difference. I know Merlin. What kind of secret could he possibly have?” He buried his face in his hands.
Gwen shook her head, compassion written all over her face. She took his hand. Arthur looks at her, head still in his hands.
“He has magic, Gwen,” he says flatly, finally.
Gwen’s eyes widen. “Oh,” she says, clearly surprised. Then she smiles. “That does explain a lot, though. Oh, don't give me that look,” she says sternly, “I know what kind of position that puts you in, but he probably saved all our lives more times than we can remember. The only way you can possibly repay him is to finally make magic legal. It's long overdue,” she adds.
“I – that’s not-“ he stutters, clearly overwhelmed. “that's not my problem here. Or maybe it is, I don't care. But HOW could he keep that from me? He knows everything about me, and he never mentioned, he didn’t think to – I feel like I don’t even know him,” he settled on and fell back into his chair.
“Please, Arthur,” Gwen’s voice was dripping with disbelief. “When should he have told you? When you just met? You would have executed him without a second thought. By god, you didn’t even LIKE him. And as long as your father was alive, there was no way magic would ever be legal. He simply did not want to put you in the position of having to choose between your father and him. And now? You are the king in a land where magic is illegal, you are the one that`s making magic illegal. You could repel that law, any day.” She shook her head. “But you don`t. What kind of message do you think that sends to him? Do you really not know why he never told you? He was afraid Arthur, plan and simple.”
Arthur hesitated. “Then why did he stay? Why be my servant, save my life, if he could essentially just end this reign that makes magic illegal? And no bullcrap about destiny, please.”
“God Arthur, you`re as dense as you are brave. He LOVES you.”
Arthur blinked. “What.”
Now it was Gwen’s turn to bury her head in her hands.
“Merlin,” she says, very slowly, “is the most compassionate, brave, kind person we both know. And he knows that his people are suffering as long as magic is illegal. As you said, there is a simple way for him to end this. And yet, he sacrifices his life, over and over again, for you- don’t interrupt me,” she said, when Arthur opened his mouth “for you. Not for Camelot. For his Camelot, it would be better if you were dead, because then his people would be free. But he not only let’s you live, no, he makes sure you live. He might believe in you, but you have had plenty of chances to make magic legal, despite your personal history. At some point, believe ends. Love doesn’t. So yes, he has magic, and he loves you. And if we are already on that topic, since you are as oblivious as it get’s and I´m honestly TIRED,” she emphasizes the last word. Arthur has never seen her as enraged as she is right now. “I´m tired of you repressing your feelings, I´m tired of you not being as happy as you could be.” She stared into his eyes.
“You´re in love with him, too.”
There’s a silence, the Arthur said: “That’s ridiculous. I`m not in love with Merlin. I barely even like him. I tolerate him, at best. He’s a terrible servant.”
Gwen has her head propped up on one hand, the other tapping on the table.
“Mhm. I know you’re doing the entire hiding-your-emotions-behind-humour thing right now, so I’m not even going into that. So here are the facts: You were willing to sacrifice your life for him, on several occasions. You went against your father’s orders to save his life. You value his opinion above anyone else’s. The two of you can literally not be parted, you are taking him with you where ever you go, you are in a considerably worse mood when you have not talked to him for a day and you worry about him, constantly. He told you that he has magic – which is an information that will change his life, your life, and the future of your country – and you are sulking, because ‘he didn’t tell you sooner’. And last but not least, the sexual energy radiating off the two of you when you start insulting each other makes everyone in the proximity want to leave and hope this castle has soundproof walls. So yes,” she triumphantly ended her monologue, “you love him.”
“But,” Arthur stared at her, pleadingly, “I can’t love him. I love YOU.” He sounded like he’s trying to convince himself.
“Arthur,” Gwen leaned across the table, gently taking his hand. “You can love more than one person.”
-------------------------------------------
Merlin was still asleep in his bed when Arthur entered his chamber. Gaius said he’d wake up soon, his body just needed time to get rid of the poison for good. He looked better, healthier, his skin not as white, the shadows under his eyes not as dark.
Arthur sat on the chair next to the bed. Merlin’s hand was lying atop of the covers, and after some hesitation, Arthur took it. Him and Gwen had talked for hours, first about his feelings and after he had finally acknowledged them, about logistics. When Gwen brought up the bedroom situation, Arthur had decided to stop the conversation and reminded Gwen that Merlin should have a say in that too. Despite, although Gwen has reassured him times and times again that Merlin felt the way he did, he still wasn’t 100% sure. He was also still a little huffy that Merlin didn’t tell him about his magic, although he did understand it. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t pay him back.
Merlin stirred, and Arthur pulled back his hand. He leaned back in his chair and put on a very displeased face.
Merlin opened his eyes. When he saw Arthur, his face split into the most heartfelt smile, Arthur was close to dropping the entire play and just straight up kissing him until they’d both forget their names, positions and destinies.
“Arthur?” Merlin must have noticed his face, because his smile faltered a little bit.
“Merlin.” Arthur sat up straight (lol), looking stern. “How much do you remember?”
“Well.” Merlin pushed himself into a somewhat sitting position, leaning back against the pillow. “I drank poison -again- and after that it’s pretty much blank. How many days did I miss?”
“A week. But that is not important right now.”
“Not improtant?” Merlin repeated disbelieving. “I blacked out for a week and that is not important?”
“See. You didn’t black out, this wasn’t just another visit at the tavern” -Merlin glared at him- “but you were partially sleeping, partly awake and partly out of your mind.”
“So no changes there,” Merlin muttered under his breath.
“What?”
“Nothing. Keep going. This is very interesting.” Merlin replied with mocked earnestness.
Arthur wanted to punch him. And also crash their mouths together. Keeping this up was getting harder by the minute and he was wondering who he was punishing here, really.
“We were in the cave of secrets to get the antidote,” Arthur continued the story, and for the first time he noticed a nervous shift in Merlin. Good. “You know how the cave works?” he asked innocently.
Merlin nodded, once, quickly.
“Then you know there’s only one reason we’re back here,” Arthur said, keeping eye contact.
Merlin flashed one of his charming smiles. “I suppose it’s because you told the cave where you hide your dirty underwear?”
“Alas, the cave needed a real secret,” Arthur said, “one that would change a life, as you so freely translated.”
Merlin was sweating now. He gulped. “Well, aren’t you glad I don’t remember what kind of life changing secret you told the cave, huh?” His eyes darted between Arthur, the window and the door, and Arthur suddenly realised that Merlin was actually afraid. This wasn’t what he wanted. Frighten him, for a moment, just as payback, sure, but this? This was how Merlin must have felt all the time, Arthur realised. And it was his fault. He decided to cut it out. He reached for Merlin’ hand again, and Merlin, startled, let him take it.
“It wasn’t my secret that got us out of there, Merlin,” Arthur said. “it was yours. And in case you are wondering which one of your two secrets it was, that would be the one that would get you executed if this was still the Camelot from a week ago.” At this, Merlin looked at him.
“I am sorry,” Arthur said, his face now displaying his emotions as clear as day. “I am so sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t tell me who you are. I am sorry for upholding a law that makes it illegal for you to exist. I am so, so sorry,” and with that, he fell down to his knees next to the bed, “for making you hide your magic. I promise, that you will never have to pretend again, as long as I am king of Camelot.”
Merlin looked at him, and for the first time since Arthur knew him, he seemed at loss for words. Then a smile, brighter than ever before, spread across his face, and his eyes were filled with so much love, Arthur’s last shred of doubt vanished. Merlin squeezed his hand.
“So is that your tactic now, to make sure I stay by your side? Promising me free practice of magic as long as you’re on the throne?”
“Oh, I have a better strategy for that,” Arthur said. And he leaned in and kissed him.
For a split second, Merlin was frozen in shock, and then he kissed him back. And it’s like after years of holding their breath, they can finally breathe again. Suddenly, Merlin pushed him away: “Wait. Arthur. You are MARRIED,” he said, his voice pained. “You can’t do that do Gwen, she doesn’t deserv-“
“She knows,” Arthur said, cupping Merlin’s face between his hands. “She is, in fact, the reason I’m here. Without her, I’m pretty sure this would not have happened for the next ten years or until one of us finally died in the arms of the other after years of sacrificing ourselves for each oth-“ He couldn’t finish that sentence, because Merlin had already crashed their mouths back together.
They kissed like they’re trying to make up for the years lost, until Arthur realised the position he’s in, half sitting on the edge of the bed, half laying on top of Merlin, was starting to put a strain on his back, and he broke the kiss to fully climb into the bed.
Merlin shot him a look that can only be descripted as scandalous.
“Just for future reference” he said teasingly, “I can pull down your pants without actually touching them.”
Arthur pretended to look scandalized.
“Are you flirting with me?”
Merlin grinned.
“Have been since the day we met but thanks for noticing,” He smirked. “my lord.”