Chapter Text
Johnnie: hi
Johnnie: are you up?
Wally: Yeah, but isn’t is like 3 where you are??
Johnnie: and? It’s two for you
Wally: You’re 2 years younger than me and 1 hour ahead. You should be sleeping!
Johnnie: can’t sleep
Wally: Oh.
Wally: :/ Sorry dude.
Wally: But hey, at least you don’t have to get up for the bus!
Johnnie: i think my tutor might notice if i don’t show up for class.
Wally: Hm.
Johnnie: yeah
Johnnie: and what are you doing up at two?
Wally: An essay. I thought it was due in a week.
Wally: It’s due tomorrow. *fear*
Johnnie: that’s rough, buddy
Wally: !!
Wally: lol
Wally: I thought you didn’t know references, dude.
Johnnie: i don’t?
Wally: Oh lmao. Let me send you a video clip.
Wally: (atla-moongf-roughbuddy.mp4)
Johnnie: oh
Johnnie: i don’t get it. Sorry
Wally: No, lol, it’s fine. I just thought it was funny.
Wally: It’s a line in Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Wally: Great show, by the way. You should give it a shot!
Johnnie: okay
RJ gnawed on the inside of his cheek and rewatched the clip a few times, head tilted to the side. This was humorous, he was pretty sure, but maybe he was missing the context that made it funny? Or maybe he just didn’t get it.
He took a moment to open his notes app and jot down the show title. If Wally thought it was good, it probably was.
Then again, Wally thought RJ was “good,” while everyone else their age seemed to think something (or maybe many things) were wrong with him. They couldn’t all be wrong about him. (And maybe Wally was pretending, so that he could look good in front of the adults – or to make RJ not feel bad.)
RJ chatted back and forth with Wally for a bit longer, while Wally worked on his essay. Then Wally had to go to bed. RJ bid him goodnight, there, and set the phone aside, just barely avoiding a promise of going to bed, himself. He didn’t have to sleep half as much as “normal” people, which left bed a bit out of the question. With Wally no longer chatting back and forth with him to distract him, he was left to his own devices again. Left with his own thoughts.
--
RJ turned the brush over and over in his hand, contemplative.
Up until that moment, he’d really thought brushing his hair was just… a waste of time and effort. Who cares if it was messy? It was his hair, you know? But… he’d been thinking. About normal. About what normal people did and acted like.
RJ got up and wandered the Manor halls. He could vaguely, distantly, hear Bruce on a business call. Elsewhere, he could hear Alfred beginning preparations for dinner. He headed for Alfred.
The kitchen always smelled... a lot. Like. Strongly? RJ’s nose wasn’t accustomed to it, so he didn’t usually approach that part of the house. Even pleasant smells could be too much for him, sometimes. But, this time, he crossed the threshold and walked over to Alfred. He tugged on Alfred’s coattail and stepped back to wait, patiently.
He didn’t have to wait long.
Alfred didn’t startle. He never did. It was nice, because RJ didn’t mean to startle people, usually. He was just quiet. Alfred finished his self-imposed, dinner-related task and then turned. “Hello, dear boy. How can I assist you?”
RJ signed a flustered hello and then offered the brush to Alfred.
Alfred accepted the brush with a raised eyebrow, then turned off the stovetop and ushered RJ out of the kitchen. “Of course, my boy,” he said. “Perhaps a sitting room would be more comfortable?”
RJ didn’t care about “comfortable,” necessarily, but it was a universal truth that Alfred knew best, so he let himself be ushered out.
RJ knew he was interrupting Alfred, and that dinner would be later for it, but Alfred never made him feel like he was a bother when he was interrupting. This time was no different. Alfred abandoned his task without reserve and led RJ to one of the plush sitting rooms, happy and willing to help him with his hair, even though RJ had never shown interest in doing anything with his hair, previously.
--
Wally: J! My man!
Johnnie: j?
Wally: Sorry, guess I should have asked before calling you something new, right?
Johnnie: no it’s fine
Johnnie: what’s up?
Wally: Not much. I got an A on that essay, though! Just got the grade back!
Johnnie: an a is good?
Wally: ??
Wally: Yeah, dude. Like, tantamount to the best grade you can get.
Wally: Definitely the best grade you can get without extra credit or bonus points or something.
Johnnie: congratulations, then
Wally: Thanks, dude!
Wally: Anything new with you?
Johnnie: i watched a cartoon
Wally: lol
Wally: Nice, which one?
Johnnie: um
Johnnie: x men?
Wally: !!
Wally: That’s a really good one! 90s?
Johnnie: maybe?
Wally: There are so many good X-Men things, dude. And Spider-Man! You should watch Spider-Man things, too.
Johnnie: maybe
Wally: No pressure, dude! I just think you’d enjoy them!
Johnnie: ill check them out maybe
Johnnie: if i have time
Wally: lol
Wally: That’s fair.
--
RJ wasn’t entirely sure how anyone sat still for television shows. But then he realized that, through the magic of streaming and the 2011 Netflix mobile app, he didn’t have to sit still. He could bring Bruce’s tablet wherever he liked and watch stuff, there.
X-Men in the foyer chandelier, Spider-Man from high up in the Cave. 90s coming-of-age movies while messing around on exercise equipment, early 2000s kids’ shows from up in the highest tree on the property.
From his forays into media – some of which he wasn’t a “fan” of, necessarily – RJ was starting to see how odd he might be. Particularly in his drab, dark, comfortable sweatshirts and sweatpants that he still just about lived in. Drab, dark, comfortable, and possibly boring , as it were. Combed hair did not a “normal” kid make, right?
RJ started to eye brighter clothes, in distrust or suspicion, usually.
It wasn’t like clothes would make him “normal” either, though. Normal people talked. As far as RJ could tell, anyway. If they could talk, they did. And he could talk, but... didn’t, usually.
(He probably should have been communicating with Bruce or Alfred – expressing his ideas of what made normal “normal,” and him wanting to be “normal” – but he didn’t. He kept it to himself and tried very hard to act like a “normal” person, playacting with himself and forcing himself out of his comfort zone in... well. Maybe not the healthiest ways,)
--
Wally: John!
Wally: John!
Wally: John!
Wally: John!
Wally: John!
Johnnie: ?
Wally: John!
Wally: Oh lol sorry.
Johnnie: hi?
Wally: Guess what!
Johnnie: what?
Wally: My uncle finally asked out his best friend!
Wally: I’m about to gave an increase of 50% more parentals.
Wally: have*
Johnnie: congratulations?
Johnnie: is this a ‘congratulations’ situation or have i missed the joke?
Wally: No, it’s great!
Wally: I’ll have Aunt Iris, Uncle Barry, *and* Uncle Hal! But like, he’ll be a real uncle now!
Wally: I love my family so much, you have no idea.
Wally: Like? It’s amazing? And they keep me safe and healthy and away from my bio dad.
Wally: It’s great.
Johnnie: congratulations, then
Wally proceeded to spam their chat with a million smilies, probably.
RJ scrolled through them, chewing on the inside of his cheek the whole time. He hadn’t set out to hide behind an alias online, but—
That was what he’d been doing. “Johnnie” wasn’t RJ, to Wally or anyone else. To Wally’s knowledge, Johnnie was just some online friend that “happened” to find him through a science and superheroes fan forum.
Now “Johnnie” got these rare glimpses into Wally’s day-to-day life. And RJ just kind of felt bad that he wasn’t being honest with Wally. But it was probably a bit late for that. If he confessed so late into the game, Wally might stop talking to him. Or be mad or disappointed. RJ had no idea which of the three options sounded the worst, but had long since resolved not to cause any of those.
RJ rolled on his back and started tapping at the screen again.
Johnnie: your uncle is with both your aunt and new uncle, right?
Wally: Yeah! Like a unit. It’s really cool.
Wally: Aunt Iris and Uncle Hal aren’t dating though. They’re just freidns.
Wally: friends*
Johnnie: cool
--
The yellow shirt was somehow daunting.
Maybe he should have gotten a darker shirt. Or a yellow sweatshirt.
RJ forced himself to put the shirt on and walk over to the mirror. It was just a plain yellow shirt with long sleeves. He knew he couldn’t quite stand patterns, really. Not unless he was all alone and knew he’d stay all alone. He could practically feel the disapproval of the Court, otherwise, even though they were dead. How dare he wear bright patterns and colours! He wasn’t supposed to be noticed or remembered!
No, patterns would have to wait.
The yellow was so bright, though.
He forced himself to leave the room, though. Leggings were still comfy, like sweatpants, but allowed him to look more “properly dressed,” and normal people dressed like normal people. If he wanted to be a “normal people,” he figured that he should wear more colours and wear clothing that fit his small frame, rather than hiding in dark, muted sweatshirts and sweatpants that were all oversized.
(Bruce complimented his shirt. It was nice.)
(If Bruce had known how uncomfortable RJ was making himself, in some effort to be “normal,” they might have taken the time to talk about the perception of “normal.” Bruce might have been able to help him think of ways to feel “more normal” without sacrificing so much of his comfort. RJ wasn’t good at communicating, though. Nor did he think he should bother anyone, if he didn’t have to.)
--
Blue wasn’t too hard, if it was a darker shade.
Red made him anxious. He couldn’t look at it if he was wearing it, and it looked like fresh blood in his peripheral.
Green could be okay, but he was always thinking about how there wasn’t enough green in Gotham for a green shirt to camouflage him enough. Dark greens were better, but unless he was around grass of some kind, he felt like he’d dressed for the wrong mission. Even though there were no more Court missions.
Purple was nice. It felt pretty. Dark purple was deep and calm and almost comfy.
Orange made him think of Wally’s hair, which was nice, but most oranges were too bright, and rustier, darker oranges, got too close to “old blood” sometimes.
Pinks were nice to look at, but he didn’t know if he could make himself wear them.
Light blue and lavender and mint were all too clean and innocent. They felt like lies.
--
Johnnie: my dad bought me a dress
Wally: Is this a good thing or a bad thing?
Johnnie: good
Johnnie: why would it be bad?
Wally: Oh idk, dude. I have, like, some trans friends who would hate that? But also a few friends that are girls who would rather burn a dress than wear it.
Johnnie: oh.
Johnnie: i thought it was pretty
Johnnie: so my dad bought it for me
Johnnie: (yellow-sundress-white-polka-dots.png)
Wally: Oh cool! That’s pretty!
Johnnie: thank you
Wally: Is that you?
RJ gnawed at the inside of his mouth and looked back at the picture. He could just say no. Maybe say he found the picture online, or that someone else had let him take a picture of them... but why? It was just Wally, wasn’t it?
And it wasn’t like RJ’s face was in the shot.
RJ contemplated it for a long moment longer, the picture and what answer he wanted to give. He was still wearing the dress. He liked it a lot, but it didn’t have sleeves and he felt very exposed in it, even though he’d found places to hide those knives that Bruce was always trying to get him to stop carrying around.
Johnnie: that is me, yes.
Wally: You look nice!
Wally: I should have asked before.
Johnnie: ?
Wally: What pronouns do you prefer?
Johnnie: my dad asked me that once
Johnnie: i don’t really get it
Wally: You don’t have to pick pronouns if you don’t want to! That’s completely fine. I could avoid pronouns if that makes you more comfortable?
Johnnie: sorry
Wally: It’s not a problem, dude! Is “dude” okay?
Johnnie: no i mean
Johnnie: sorry i think i confused you
Johnnie: you’re very nice, but i meant that i don’t really understand why people care about my pronouns
Johnnie: not pronouns-pronouns. my pronouns.
RJ made a face and switched to chewing the other side of his mouth. He was probably remembering, a little too clearly, how Talons were things, not people. The pronoun thing was hard for him to conceptualize because it meant he had to acknowledge his own personhood, and he wasn’t all the way there, sometimes.
Sometimes he felt more like furniture than a person. But it was hard to keep feeling that way when Alfred or Bruce was around, because they always insisted on acknowledging him in ways he was pretty sure people didn’t acknowledge actual furniture. Or even a dog. To them, he was a person. So, around them, he made sure to be person enough.
Or he tried.
Johnnie: um
Johnnie: forget i said that
Johnnie: but i prefer the boy ones, i guess
Wally: Do you mind, like, your dress being called pretty? Or you?
Johnnie: no
Wally: Great!
Wally started sending his cacophony of happy emojis again. RJ smiled down at his phone.
--
RJ almost got a haircut.
He knew it would make him look more normal, but at the last moment he’d fled the salon. A stranger? With blades? Around his head? No, he couldn’t do it.
Besides, the more he thought about it, the less he liked the idea of suddenly just... not having his long hair anymore. Yeah, it was a leftover from being a Talon, when he wasn’t cared for when not in active use, but it was maybe the one thing he’d come out of that liking in himself. Or on himself.
He could play with it. Bruce could braid it. He had pretty hairbands.
Yeah, he decided not to get the haircut.
--
Wally: Hey!
Johnnie: hi
Wally: We should meet up, sometime!
Wally: Watch a movie, maybe.
Johnnie: ?
Wally: Dude, if you’re even in Central, I’d totally take you to see all the sights.
Wally: We could watch a movie, then go to a restaurant or something. Or restaurant first. Or first and third! And there’s this great food truck that’s always on my uncle’s street at, like, 4:15 on the dot!
Johnnie: sounds fun
Johnnie: but i don’t know if i'd ever even be in central
Wally: I know.
Wally: But it’s fun to think about! It’d be so fun.
Johnnie: you barely know me
Wally: Oh please, you’re my friend! It would be fun!
Wally: That’s all I need to know, thanks.
Johnnie: hm ok
--
It was probably just supposed to be a “for fun” or “what if” kind of conversation, but RJ proceeded to spend the next age and a half thinking about meeting Wally in person. Technically he’d be meeting Wally “again,” but Johnnie and RJ were pretty removed from each other. It’d be like a first meeting, all over again.
RJ resolved to practice talking and laughing and smiling, and promised himself that he’d let Johnnie, the normal one, meet Wally if he could figure out those three things.