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Kellan Gensei usually loved xir job as a client liaison at the Idona Belero Fertility and Reproduction Center. The pay was good, the commute between the Ruhrgebiet and Grande Roma was quick and pleasant, xir coworkers were lovely, and most importantly the job itself meant bringing joy and fulfilment to people on a daily basis. Xie couldn’t ask for more. But today, the couple xie had an intake appointment with were just a little… off.
Everything had started out well enough. The two men were very engaging; the one with the hair (“call me Joe”) was charismatic and gregarious, and the one with the eyes (“call me Nicky”) had a reassuring presence. They were clearly very much in love and absolutely delighted to start on the road to parenthood.
After introductions, the basics went quickly: desired parental designations (both to be listed as ‘father’), procedure (XY/XY splice, with the two of them as donors), and method (external gestation). But Kellan kept feeling awkward and off-balance. Xie soon realized that whenever xie looked away from the pair, xir mental image was of them sitting right next to each other and holding hands; it was a bit of a surprise every time xie turned back, to see them sitting a few feet apart and not touching.
They also looked unsettlingly old. Nicky had dark circles under his eyes, and Joe’s eyes had wrinkles when he smiled (which was almost constantly), and neither of them was even forty. Kellan guessed that they had never had a collagen boost or restorative treatment in their lives. Xie tried very hard not to be prejudiced or judgmental, and certainly xie had heard of people who avoided all cosmetic care, but xie had always assumed that such people would insist on unaided reproduction as well.
And then, just as xie had settled xirself and gotten back in the proper mindset, they came to the question of chromosomal sex. “I’m sorry,” xie tried again, “I really have to put something down for chromosomal choice.”
“But we really don’t have one,” Joe insisted.
Nicky smiled apologetically. “We are a bit… old fashioned.” He said this like he was admitting a secret and xie almost burst out laughing; between their unfashionable names, their weathered faces, and their habit of referring to external gestation as an “artificial womb,” “old fashioned” went without saying. Nicky went on, “We not only don’t have a preference, we would prefer not to know in advance. In fact, I was under the impression that attribute selection was a separate process. We’re not interested in that.” They must not have read the preparatory materials. Kellan hated it when clients didn’t read the preparatory materials.
Kellan took a steadying breath. “It isn’t about having a preference, or part of the selection package. For an XY/XY splice, you have to pick an outcome. If we were doing XX/XY, you could choose to let the gametes combine similarly to how they would during sexual reproduction. And with XX/XX, there would only be one option. But with this, our technicians will have to select the specific germ cells to use in order to produce a viable combination, and I can’t tell them to just decide for you.” All of which they should have already known.
They exchanged a glance (and just as the two of them sitting apart gave the impression of closeness, a brief look gave Kellan the feeling of an entire conversation) and Nicky nodded. “We understand. How about this – there will be multiple zygotes created, no? In case there are problems with growth or implantation. Perhaps your staff can make half of them XX and half XY, and then select which one to proceed with based on their usual criteria.”
That… wasn’t a bad idea, actually. Maybe they had done some reading. “I’ll have to verify with our technical staff, but I think that should work. Thank you.” Xie made some notes, and glanced over the remaining questions. “You mentioned just now that you weren’t interested in additional trait selection. I’ll need you to sign this waiver, acknowledging that you are aware of the variety of possible outcomes and that you release us from any liability related to phenotype, neurotype, or variations in physical structure. You were provided a comprehensive list in the advance materials, I’m not sure if you had a chance to read it…”
“We didn’t need to read it,” Joe replied, and Kellan felt a chill run down xir spine. He had been so warm and genial up until now, but his eyes were cold and his voice was flat and hard. Xie looked over at Nicky, whose stillness had gone from calm and relaxed to the tension of a predator waiting to pounce.
He met xir eyes. “We voted in favor of removing it as an option entirely. It is a pity that the referendum failed. Humanity has shown many times that we have no business deciding which physical traits are acceptable and which are not. Your usual practice is to screen for conditions that are incompatible with life, and that is all we want and all we care to discuss.”
Kellan wished xie had some water handy; xir mouth had gone inexplicably dry. “Here at the Belero Fertility and Reproduction Center, we treat all approaches to gestation equally, and as an employee of the Center it is not my place to comment on the methods some parents choose.” Xie tried to maintain a tone of voice and facial expression that could communicate, very quietly, that as a private citizen xie was very much in agreement with them. “Based on current trends, the referendum may become unnecessary in any case. Fewer and fewer parents are opting for detailed selection. If I could get your thumbprint and retinal scan?”
By the time the men had signed the waiver, they had regained their previous level of friendliness. Joe smiled as he handed the tablet over. “It’s good to have that out of the way. Whoever we’re meant to have, that’s who they’ll be,” and he exchanged another speaking glance with Nicky. He seemed to understand what Joe meant (which was fortunate, because Kellan had no idea) and he smiled in return.
“What’s next?” asked Nicky.
“Well, we’ll need to collect your samples. And then after that, you won’t need to be involved until just before the birth. I’ll give you updates as often as you like – when the zygote is ready, when it’s implanted, and so on. And you can contact me with any questions, of course. But we’ll take care of everything.”
“We don’t need to be involved,” Joe replied, “but can we be? I mean, if this were a regular pregnancy –“
“Internal gestation,” Kellan corrected.
Joe gave xir an odd look and continued, “the fetus would hear us talking, we’d be able to feel it move, we’d be… interacting, on a regular basis. Isn’t there some way to have a similar experience with an artificial womb?”
“External gestation. It’s not… generally considered appropriate to imply that there are normal and abnormal methods of reproduction. Our external gestation units aren’t artificial; it’s just as real as internal gestation.” The two men looked a bit taken aback. Perhaps xie had snapped at them a little; xie had never felt so out of sorts around a client before. Xie went on, more gently. “And as far as enrichment and interaction, that’s part of the service we provide. Exposure to music, human voices, movement and changing physical orientation… we’ve got it all covered. You really don’t need to worry.”
“We are not worried,” Nicky said. “But we would like to be involved, to the extent that we can be. Is there no option for this?”
“Well. Yes.” Of course they would push on this. Policy was that parents could have access, but no one really wanted them around, getting in the way of the technicians, creating more work and asking irrelevant questions. Most of the clients who raised the issue could be talked out of it with a little gentle deflection; xie was not at all surprised that Joe and Nicky could not be. “Before it’s reached the fetal stage, which will be about nine weeks in, visitation isn’t allowed. But after that we can arrange something. Keep in mind that you won’t feel any kicking, and the fetus won’t be able to hear you, until significantly later.”
Joe smiled one of his huge sunny smiles. “That sounds fine. We’ll play it by ear. You said something about samples?”
“If it’s all right with you, I’d like to confirm the methodology with our techs first. And then we’ll schedule fertilization based on resource availability. If it’s inconvenient for you to come here, we can do the samples today, or I can contact you at a later date to set it up?”
“It’s no trouble at all, we’re coming from Malta, practically next door.” As Joe spoke, he and Nicky rose from their seats. “Just let us know when you need us, and we’ll be here.”
“It was very lovely to meet you,” Nicky said. “We look forward to hearing from you.”
Kellan walked them to the front doors and wished them a pleasant day, while they thanked xir several times for xir help. They walked out holding hands and grinning. It was such a heart-warming sight that xie almost forgot how unnerving they had been.
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Joe certainly hadn’t been exaggerating about their availability; Kellan sent them a message about sample collection just before taking xir lunch break, and they were in the waiting room by the time xie returned. Once xie had taken them to xir office, xie explained that collection could be done via direct extraction by a technician using a specialized instrument, or manually by themselves. Xie started to detail the benefits of each method but couldn’t help laughing at the horrified looks on their faces.
“Well, you did say you were old fashioned,” xie said. “I’m guessing that’ll be manual collection, then.”
“Yes, please.”
“All right, I’ll walk you over to the collection room. The instructions and supplies are all inside. Please be sure to read and follow the instructions completely. After you’ve each taken your turn, I’ll confirm that the samples are properly stored and meet our requirements, and then you can head home.”
“Taken our turn…” Joe looked thoughtfully at Nicky. “Any chance we could… do this at the same time?”
“It would be more efficient,” Nicky said. “Assuming the facilities allow for simultaneous samples. Less than half the time it would take for us to go separately.” Joe winked at him, and Kellan got a bit flustered.
“Well… it can be done, logistically speaking, but it’s really very important that you follow all the directions, and if you get… distracted there could be some mistakes, and we would have to charge you a fee for additional processing costs if the first samples have to be discarded, and…” xie trailed off, face burning. Get a hold of yourself; they’re not even doing anything! Just looking at each other!
Joe turned to xir. “I think we’ll risk it.”
They came out of the room only very slightly disheveled; if xie hadn’t known to look for it, xie might never have noticed. The samples had been collected perfectly. Once again they thanked Kellan profusely and left, hand in hand and happy (and a little rumpled.)
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As promised, Kellan updated them at every stage – when they had a viable zygote, when it successfully implanted in the external gestation unit. Detection of cardiac activity in the fetal pole (they requested a recording.) When xie offered to send images of their scans on a weekly basis, xie thought they would try to climb straight through the video screen to hug xir. Xie was proud of how good their relationship had gotten, given their rocky start.
And then, a few months later, Kellan took a morning off.
It shouldn’t have been a big deal: xir partner had an important appointment and wanted xir to come along. Xie forwarded xir alerts to a coworker so she could handle any urgent issues (if there were any, which there shouldn’t have been.) But the moment xie walked into the clinic, xie heard them. Joe’s voice, loud and angry; Nicky’s low and cold; and the nervous, harried tone of whoever was staffing the front desk today. Kellan rushed over.
All three men started talking at once, trying to explain what was going on. “Please, I just got here, I have no idea what happened, but I’m sure we can sort it out. Come with me to my office, please?” Joe looked like he wanted to argue, but Nicky lightly touched his arm and he subsided. Behind the desk, Manu gave xir a grateful look and mouthed “good luck!”
As soon as xir office door was closed, before xie could even sit down, Joe rounded on xir. “What the hell is going on with our baby?”
Kellan glanced between him and Nicky. “As far as I know, everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“We received a message earlier today, from someone we had never heard of, telling us to get in touch immediately because there was a question about some test results.” Nicky was clearly just as upset as Joe, even if he was being quieter about it. “When we tried to contact her, we were told she was busy with other clients and could not be disturbed. We came here hoping to talk to someone in person, but supposedly there haven’t been any new tests and there are no flagged results on file. So tell us.” Green eyes bored into xir, but where xie expected to see anger xie found only fear and desperation. “What is happening?”
“I’m so sorry this happened; I promise I’ll figure it out for you.” Kellan dropped xir bag and activated xir wrist unit. “I asked someone to cover for me this morning. I should be able to see what she sent out… oh. Oh no.” Xie saw the men’s faces turn pale, and they clasped hands so hard it must have hurt. Xie hastily added, “it’s not a problem with the gestation! Everything there is fine. She sent you the wrong message; that one should have gone to a different client. The message you should have gotten is that the fetus is active enough for you to feel movement from outside the unit.”
Nicky and Joe both looked like recordings that had been paused: faces shocked, bodies stiff, and completely, utterly still. Xie wasn’t sure if they were even breathing. And then, as one, they blinked back to life.
“Everything’s really ok?”
“Can we visit? Now?”
“Everything is really, truly ok. I’m not sure about visiting, I have to check the technicians’ schedules to make sure we’re not interrupting anything, and…”
“Kellan, please.” Nicky’s face was dry, but his eyelashes were wet and clumped.
“We need to know they’re ok.” Joe’s eyes were wide and beseeching.
Kellan never really had a chance.
“All right. I’ll take you there now.”
Xie explained the situation to the tech on duty, and she obligingly made space for them. The first few minutes were spent in breathless anticipation, until finally –
“Did you feel that?” Joe exclaimed. Nicky cupped one hand around Joe’s cheek while keeping his other hand on the gestation unit.
“I did. I did.” They leaned toward each other until their foreheads touched and just stayed there, breathing together.
Kellan wasn’t the only one who felt like xie was intruding; Joe asked, very quietly, if it would be possible for them to have some privacy. Xie had to explain, in between apologies, that it was absolutely not allowed to leave visitors unsupervised around other families’ gestation units. Not even when the clients in question had just had a terrible and entirely avoidable shock. Not even when they looked at xir with big, pleading eyes that made xir want to give them anything they wanted. But xie would try to be as unobtrusive as possible.
Xie hummed quietly to xirself as a way to drown out what they said to each other and to their fetus. That, at least, xie could do. Then Nicky started singing, and xie gasped. They turned to look at xir, startled. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to distract you. It’s just… my mother used to sing me that lullaby. I’ve never met anyone outside my family who knew it.”
Nicky smiled. “It is very lovely, no? I first heard it as an adult, but I learned it as quickly as I could.” He resumed singing, one hand still on the unit’s outer membrane and the other hand holding Joe’s.
When the song was over, Kellan said “you have a beautiful voice. What about you, Joe, do you sing as well?” He and Nicky just laughed.
“If you ever hear Joe singing in this room, you have my permission to remove him by whatever means necessary. I do not think your other clients would appreciate their children being subjected to that.”
“No, that’s so mean!” Kellan laughed. “How can you say that about your own partner? I’m sure you’re not that bad, Joe.”
Nicky smiled serenely. “Joe is the light of my life. He is the best man I have ever met, and I am grateful for him every day. He is a brilliant artist, magical with children and animals, generous and funny and kind. But he is not a singer. If I am not honest about his shortcomings, rare though they are, how can he trust me when I admire him?”
“Oh. Um. That… makes sense. I guess.” Kellan felt a bit shell-shocked. Why doesn’t my partner ever say things like that about me? For that matter, why don’t I ever say things like that about her? Xie took a few deep breaths to try to regain xir equilibrium. Joe leaned against the wall, hands behind his head, with the smuggest grin xie had ever seen.
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They settled into a routine after that. Every day that Kellan was on shift, the men would come to the repro center and spend an hour or two hanging out in the fetal gestation room. Kellan would catch up on xir notes and other administrative tasks while listening to music or journal articles, and occasionally peek at Joe and Nicky (purely so xie could say xie was keeping an eye on them. Not because watching Joe rest his long fingers on the outer membrane of the unit or Nicky lean his head next to the control panel and sing, and seeing them so suffused with joy that they were almost literally glowing, was making xir seriously reconsider xir own timeline for having children.) Then the expectant fathers would report everything of note back to Kellan – “I’m sure that they kick more when we talk!” – thank xir profusely, and leave. Xie would go back to xir office and, if there was time before xir next appointment, call xir parents and tell them xie loved them.
At the beginning of the thirty-third week, Kellan asked them to come to xir office after their visit. “It’s time to start making arrangements for the birth.” Xie hadn’t thought Joe’s eyes could get larger or shinier than they already were, and was stunned to be proven wrong.
As soon as they all sat down, he asked if they could have guests with them for the birth, and if so, how many. Kellan explained that the gestation unit would be moved into a private room about a week beforehand, to allow for more thorough monitoring. The private rooms had enough space for the obstetrician, the technician, the parent liaison, and up to four more people. The number of parents determined the number of guests; Nicky and Joe could have two. It would also be possible for additional guests to view the procedure from outside the room.
They looked chagrined to hear that. “They could draw lots?” Nicky suggested. “We pick names at random?” Kellan wondered who they were expecting, that there would be so many people wanting to be in the room. Neither of them had ever mentioned parents or siblings; xie had assumed that through misfortune or distance, they simply didn’t have any family. Xie assured them that they had time to decide; they only needed to provide exact numbers a few days in advance.
“Oh, we know exactly how many,” Joe said. “Two in the room and three watching from outside. It’s just deciding who’s going to be where that’s hard.”
Kellan smiled. “Well, I can’t help with that. Let’s talk about the things I can help you with!” Xie reviewed the supplies that the Center recommended they acquire and the ones that were mandated before the baby could be released into their care; the tests and monitoring that would be performed prior to discharge and how long they would take; the infant care and development training they should enroll in; and the process for scheduling outreach visits with the health service.
Xie always loved this part of the process: the excitement and anticipation thrumming underneath every conversation, the awe and wonder as it started to become real for the parents-to-be. And that was all present with Nicky and Joe, but it was tempered by an odd sense of patience. As enthusiastic and eager as they’d been since the beginning, xie never got the feeling that they were pained by the passage of time the way most people were. Xie hadn’t realized how much xie enjoyed xir clients’ “I can’t wait” attitude until it was gone. Well, xie told xirself, trying not to be disappointed, I bet it’ll make them great dads.
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The scheduled birth day arrived. Nicky and Joe showed up at the earliest time allowed, with their five mysterious guests (none of whom looked like genetic relatives. Which didn’t have to mean anything, of course; maybe one or both of them had been raised in a parenting collective. But xie was accustomed to multi-generational support networks, and only one of them could possibly be old enough to be any kind of parental figure.) After a quick exchange of names and pronouns, Kellan got them all signed in and walked them through the safety and sanitation protocols.
The five friends then huddled together shoulder to shoulder, so closely that Kellan couldn’t see what they were doing – only that there was a flurry of activity, some short countdowns, and something complicated involving their hands. When it was over, the two who had introduced themselves as Nile and Booker looked ecstatic, while the others just seemed resigned. They pulled Nicky and Joe into the huddle, and all seven of them stood there, holding each other, until the doctor and the tech showed up.
Kellan shepherded Joe, Nicky, Booker, and Nile into the birthing room and made sure the window was properly polarized so the other guests could see in. Booker was rubbing Joe’s back and reminding him to breathe. Nicky was peppering the technician with detailed questions about the gestation unit, which was one of the reasons Kellan was there. Xie stepped in and redirected his attention; he promptly started explaining the workings of the unit to xir and Nile. He was talking faster than he normally did, and even as he gestured to punctuate his monologue xie could see his hands were shaking. His eyes never left the gestation unit.
And then it was time. The doctor carefully cut through the outer and inner membranes while the technician adjusted the settings on the unit and drained the fluid. Then the doctor parted the thick layer of synthesized tissue, disconnected the placenta, and lifted the baby out of the unit with the umbilical cord and placenta still attached. The technician quickly wrapped the baby in an insulating blanket, suctioned their nose and mouth, and turned to hand them over to the nearest hovering father. It happened to be Joe.
The technician continued to flutter around them – clamping the umbilical cord, administering a shot – but Joe seemed completely unaware. He stared down at the tiny bundle in his arms with his jaw slack and his eyes larger than Kellan had ever seen them. Nicky immediately wrapped himself around Joe’s right shoulder, one hand tucked under the baby. “Welcome to the world, little one. I’m so happy to meet you.”
Kellan saw movement out of the corner of xir eye and turned to look – the three friends watching from outside the room were cheering and hugging each other. Inside the room, Nile and Booker had crowded in close to Nicky and Joe, Booker with his left hand on Nicky’s shoulder and Nile with her right hand on Joe’s arm. Kellan could just barely see a tiny face between them all, dark red and smeared with vernix, with a few strands of dark hair plastered to the top of their head. Joe still seemed stunned into speechlessness; xie had known him for less than a year but was sure this had never happened before. Nicky was gently stroking the baby with one broad finger: down each hand and foot, around the face…
“Joe,” he whispered, awestruck, as the baby blinked. “Look. They have your eyes.”
Booker was openly weeping, and Nile wrapped her left arm around him and hugged him to her side. Joe took a deep, steadying breath.
“Hello, beautiful. You don’t know this yet, but you’re surrounded by people who love you. And you always will be. I promise.”
Kellan surreptitiously wiped away a tear of xir own. You know, xie thought, I really love my job.