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“You...what?”
There’s a deadly beat of silence. She knows Vi heard her, she knows why she’s upset, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
“I made a contract with the First Star. I’m a Guardian now.”
Vi’s expression is blank, emotionless. Caitlyn gnaws slightly on her bottom lip, an old nervous habit. Her girlfriend wears her heart on her sleeve, that’s something Caitlyn loves about her. She doesn’t know how to gauge an expressionless and speechless Vi. She shifts on her feet and folds her arms across her chest. Seconds tick by like hours, and still Vi doesn’t move or speak. She’s on the edge of Caitlin’s bed, slumped forward with her elbows on her knees, staring at the floor.
Eventually she sighs, rubs her hands over her face and up back into her hair. Caitlyn knows this gesture. She’s seen it before but never been the cause of it. Her stomach sinks as Vi gets up and splays her hands out in a helpless gesture.
“I can’t do this, Cait. Not you too.”
“I understand-”
“But you did it anyway,” Vi cuts her off, jaw twitching.
“I had to.”
“No, you didn’t,” Vi scoffs mirthlessly and shakes her head, “there’s billions of other people on this planet alone. You could’ve told your stupid star to shove it and pick someone else.”
She’s getting angry now. Caitlyn doubts her usual remedy of an assuring hand on her arm will fix it this time.
“It called me for a reason, Vi. I couldn’t say no-”
“Bullshit,” she growls, “you did it ‘cause you wanted to. Saint-fucking-Kiramman always trying to save the world. I’m done. I’m done with your hero complex and your rich girl guilt-”
“That’s not fair, Vi.”
“Well neither is this!” the shout that’s been building, bubbling and boiling under her skin finally comes out. “I love you Cait, but I can’t fucking do this. I can’t stay up at night wondering if you and Powder are gonna be alive in the morning. I’m done,” the last part comes out so quietly, defeated. Vi makes her way to the door of Caitlyn’s bedroom and steps out.
“It’s been real, Cupcake. Try not to get yourself killed.”
The door clicks shut behind her, and Caitlyn sinks to the floor against her bed and cries.
~
Vi hasn’t left her shitty little apartment for almost two weeks. She called in her vacation time at the gym she did personal training at, with no notice, because who fucking cares at this point. Caitlyn’s gone, and the pillow she always used when she stayed the night doesn’t smell like her any more. Mostly it just smells like greasy takeout. The bed is too small and empty without Cait, and when she tried to cuddle with Trinket, the little fucker just licked his own asshole and threw up a hairball on the bed before leaving.
Speaking of, she hears him meowing loudly at the door to her apartment, and she groans and pulls the blanket up over her head while rolling over so her back is to her bedroom door. The blanket muffles the sound of the keys in the lock and the cooing words of her guest, but she knows there’s only one person it could be.
“Wow sis, you even alive in there? This place reeks,” Powder says, plopping onto the bed with Trinket curled up in her arms purring.
“Fuck off, Powder,” Vi grumbles, voice muffled under the blanket.
“Well that answers that question,” she chirps, and flops backwards so that she’s lying across the cocooned lump of her sister, “you gonna, like, do something? Or you just gonna sulk over sis-in-law forever?”
Vi shoves the blanket down to her chin, needing to breathe.
“I’m not sulking. And she’s not your sister-in-law. We broke up.”
Powder rolls her eyes. Vi can’t see it, but she can feel it. Older sibling’s intuition.
“Pbbblt,” Power blows air out between her lips, “just get back together, stupid. You’re both like, annoyingly miserable. Why are lesbians so dramatic?” that question she asks of Trinket, who yawns in response and curls back up into a more comfortable position on her chest.
“How would you even know?”
“Uhh Star Guardians, dur? We kinda have to hang out. And honestly she’s really killing my vibe, sis. She’s all mopey like you. Except she doesn’t stink.”
“I don’t wanna hear about your damn Guardian shit,” Vi growls and pulls the blanket back up over her head.
“Real mature, Vi. I’m sure hiding from your problems is actually really healthy and productive.”
“I’m not hiding from anything,” Vi mumbles from under the covers.
“Then why are you in here being sad and shit when I know for a fact your girlfriend is alone right now and misses you? If you’re not hiding go to her place and like, knit a throw blanket for your cats, or scissor or whatever it is you lesbians do.”
“Knock it off, Powder!” Vi shouts, sitting up abruptly and causing her sister to slide off her. Trinket hisses at the sudden activity and jumps off the bed. “I told you, me an’ Cait are done. I can’t...I can’t deal with worrying about both of you off fighting some fucking space kaiju. It’s easier this way, I only have to worry about one of you,” the mumbles the last bit, curls up with her knees to her chest and tucks her chin in behind them.
“Wow, hypocrite much?”
“You were always getting into fights when we were kids. You got so many black eyes I started to think that’s just what your face looked like. But now when its someone else getting their ass kicked to save people, suddenly it’s not okay?”
“That’s different Powder. I wasn’t gonna die.”
“Oh? What about that time that Sevika chick brought a knife with her? Or when you spent a year in the slammer for picking a fight with the wrong guy? I’ve watched Prison Break, everyone and their mother had like three shanks. D’you know how many fucking anxiety attacks I had? Any time Vander went to visit you, I was worried he’d come back telling me you were dead! How was that any more fair to me than what me and Fancypants are doing now? At least we’re trying to do some good instead of just picking fights ‘cuz we get off on it or something.”
Vi’s fist clenches, unclenches. Her teeth locked firmly shut. She doesn’t want to blow up at her sister. She doesn’t want to admit she’s right, either.
“Get out, Jinx,” she mutters, not looking at her.
“Fine, Violet. When you’re done being an asshole, go talk to your girlfriend.”
Her apartment falls silent again after Powder slams the door behind her, and the only movement comes from Trinket grooming himself in the corner of the bedroom. Vi catches his eye and he stops for a moment, before shifting to start grooming his butt, pointed directly at her. She huffs a small sad laugh.
“You too, huh?”
~
It’s another lazy Sunday, exactly the kind Vi likes. She’s not usually one for sleeping in, she’s a nervous and light sleeper. Always had been. But Sundays? Sundays are sacred. She’s laying back in bed, facing the ceiling with her eyes shut. The late morning sun is streaming in through a gap in the curtains, warming up the room and casting a red glow behind her eyelids.
She’s aware of a weight on the bed beside her, slow, deep breathing just out of sync with her own. It’s Caitlyn, who else would it be? She doesn’t even have to look. But she wants to, so she turns her head to drink in the sight of her person. Caitlyn is Vi’s polar opposite while sleeping. Even now, nearing midday, she’s like the dead. Her body is facing Vi, curled up, with a hand tucked under her pillow and her mouth open slightly. There’s a small wet patch on the pillow right by the corner of her mouth and she’s snoring. Just a light one, like when you’re nearing the end of a cold and your sinuses are still just a little stuffed up. Vi’s never seen a more beautiful sight.
Suddenly, Trinket is on the bed, walking up between them. He’s wearing a set of those silly little cat booties for some reason. Oh, Vi remembers, so he wouldn’t scratch the furniture. He meows at her, telling her it’s time to go to school. School?
Oh, crap. She’s late.
She gets out of bed, runs to the door. She steps out into an endless corridor with checked linoleum flooring and those shitty fluorescent lights buzzing above. There’s dozens of plain white wooden doors lining both sides of the corridor, and she runs for a bit, picks one at random. It leads her out to a dirty city street that looks familiar, but not exactly. This is where Vander’s bar is right? There it is, she turns to look at it.
“Let’s get dinner, babe,” Sarah says beside her, “this is your dad’s place right?”
Yeah Sarah Fortune. Her girlfriend from high school. She makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside, kinda like Caitlyn did, before she died.
“When did Caitlyn die?”
“Caitlyn’s not dead,” Sarah tells her, “she’s waiting for us inside.”
Oh, yeah. That sounds right.
They’re in the bar now. Powder and Caitlyn are waiting for them in a booth, and so is Powder’s friend Lux. They’re all dressed in their Star Guardian outfits.
“Why aren’t we dating anymore?” Vi asks Caitlyn when she sits down. They’re alone in the booth.
“You were angry. I wanted to help people but you were angry. Didn’t want me to die like Powder.”
That’s right...that’s where Powder went.
“I wasn’t angry,” a profound wave of sadness washes over Vi and she reached across the table to grab Caitlyn’s hand, “I was scared. I’m so scared. Everyone I love leaves me or gets hurt or dies.”
“Everyone dies, love. You can’t stop it. But you can catch us when we fall. Now please hide,” Caitlyn says, flipping over the table and pulling a gigantic rifle from thin air. Vi ducks behind the makeshift barricade. There’s a prickling along the back of her neck, and Vi looks up to see some gigantic purple monstrosity bearing down on Caitlyn. She gets a few good shots in, but it still manages to grab her in its arms. It’s crushing her, she’s crying out in pain.
“No!”
Vi rushes it, but it’s miles away and she feels like she’s running in water. She swings her fists at it, but again, they move almost in slow motion, and no matter how hard she swings it doesn’t even flinch.
“Vi…”
“Vi!”
~
She startles awake, arms flailing wildly and as she pulls herself up. She feels her arm connect with something solid.
“Ow!”
What? That’s…
“Cupcake,” Vi breathes in disbelief, taking in the dark barely-visible silhouette of Caitlyn, perched on the edge of her bed, one hand rubbing her cheek, presumably where Vi hit it. Caitlyn opens her mouth to speak, but nothing gets out before Vi has her wrapped up and pulled onto the bed beside her. She buries her face into the crook of Caitlyn’s neck, and breathes in the warm lavender scent of her detergent, feels the pulse in her throat thrum against her face, sure and solid and alive.
“I was out fighting and I was nearby, so I was going to apologise and give back your key-”
“No, sush. Shut up. Keep it,” Vi squeezes her tighter and she feels Caitlyn begin to relax into her embrace. “I’m the one who needs to say sorry I-”
“Shh…” Caitlyn pulls back slightly, just enough to look at Vi’s face, see the light from the streets outside catching the glistening wetness pooling at the corners of her eyes. One hand cups Vi’s face, strokes her thumb gently over her tattoo and up, swiping the tear away before it can fall. “We can talk in the morning, darling. I’ll be here,” she places a tender kiss on the top of Vi’s head to emphasise it.
“Promise?”
“I will always be here with you.”